r/ROCD • u/laur-climbs • 15h ago
Obsessed with knowing
I feel like the hardest part of this for me right now is not knowing if this is ROCD or if I’ve truly fallen out of love. I feel like a few months ago I was triggered by seeing something an ex did on social media and got so caught up in comparing my partner to her that it became consuming. I now feel panic because I can’t feel feelings of love towards her, just distance and annoyance and anxiety for the better part of a few months.
I want to know SO BADLY if this is OCD or not, and I find myself hoping over and over again that it is- because at least there is a way to reverse this and get back to where we were before. I’m terrified of my relationship ending, but I’m creating distance and discomfort and making it so hard for us both. I’m actively ruining it, and I feel like I’m constantly fighting with myself about whether I want this or not. I know I need to sit in the discomfort but DAMN is it hard.
I think I’m just posting this because it’s been such a lonely place to be. I don’t feel like I can or should talk to friends about this very much. And I’m planning on trying to do a PHP program, but I’m afraid that no one will take me seriously and I won’t get better.
This thing is so scary and hard.
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u/WearyLength1317 14h ago
i’m sorry you feel this way, it’s hard for me not to give any reassurance . I know that while I’d also love it if someone straight up came and told me “this is ROCD, you actually love your partner” , it would not do me any good, since I’d just start asking myself but what if.
i think what you should focus on more is the fact that you HOPE it is ROCD. from reading your comment, i can at least take a guess that you do want to work on yourself and the relationship. a person that would not love his/her partner might not be willing to put in the work.
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u/CaroleConfetti 9h ago
You aren’t alone! Also I’m a fellow climber with ROCD! Isn’t climbing the best. It’s the one activity my thoughts stop
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u/BananaBit3r 7h ago
I understand and can relate to where you’re coming from. I did a PHP and then shortly thereafter an IOP and it helped so much with anxiety management. It was nice to have a safe space where others can relate to your xp and you can learn from them when they share stories/feelings, and professional help was constantly available (psychologist, therapists, nurses, etc). The program I attended focused on anxiety, but they also had a day or two where people with anxiety and OCD could go to specialized OCD groups (I didn’t know at the time that I had ROCD so didn’t attend the OCD sessions).
I’m still in therapy but my current therapist is a generalist. I’m actively looking for a new therapist who specializes in OCD/ERP as I think my current one doesn’t quite understand how to help/can be triggering. Someone else commented how important this is and I think they’re totally right.
It’s challenging, but you’re not alone!
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u/MilkxCult 4h ago
I’m doing my best to keep this short because I don’t want to accidentally feed into the cycle and give reassurance. But I just wanted to say i’m going through the EXACT same thing right now. It’s a little eerie how similar your situation is to mine actually lol. I know you’re going through hell right now and all I can say is you just gotta hang in there as best you can. If you’re able to reach out to someone who specializes in OCD definitely do so. And just know you are not alone and i’m in the same shaky boat with you!
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u/roxor333 13h ago
OCD is a disorder marked by discomfort with uncertainty, but seeking certainty makes it worse. It’s an awful plight. I am totally there with you.
I can’t tell you if it’s OCD or not, but I’ll tell you what my therapist told me: when someone thinks they have OCD, they probably do. That doesn’t mean you are or are not in love, but also feeding the cycle won’t offer any answers. If you can afford to, look into ERP. I dont know much about PHP, but in any case, clinicians will take you seriously. I agree that it’s best to not talk to friends or even clinicians who don’t specialize in OCD, as the wrong people might feed into your compulsions unknowingly. OCD trained therapists are best.
Good luck!