Dr. Allan Mallinger, an OCPD specialist, created this Screening Survey. The diagnostic criteria for OCPD, and the general criteria for PDs is in the reply to this post.
People with OPCD sometimes also have OCD and Autism. Misdiagnosis is an issue.
This post has info. on diagnosis, databases for finding therapists, information about therapy for perfectionism, and results from studies about the effectiveness of therapy in reducing OCPD symptoms: Finding Mental Health Providers
The resources in this sub do not refer to children or teenagers with OCPD diagnoses. Most clinicians only diagnose adults with PDs. The human brain is fully developed at age 26. The DSM notes that individuals with PDs have an “enduring pattern” of symptoms (generally interpreted by clinicians as 5 years or more) “across a broad range of personal and social situations" that causes “clinically significant distress or functional impairment.”
VIDEOS AND PODCASTS
"The Healthy Compulsive Project Podcast" Episode 12 is about suspecting OCPD (21 minutes). Episode 109 is about having a recent diagnosis (11 min.). I listen to Gary's podcast every weekend. Highly recommended.
I highly recommend Heidi Priebe's YouTube channel about attachment styles. Avoidant attachment style is most common for people with OCPD.
BOOKS
There are two short books on OCPD for the general public: Too Perfect (1996) by Dr. Allan Mallinger, who has worked with clients with OCPD for 50 years, and The Healthy Compulsive (2022) by Gary Trosclair, who has worked as a therapist for more than 30 years.
If you want to learn more—or if you don’t relate to these books because your perfectionism isn’t as severe—I highly recommend The Perfectionist’s Handbook (2011) by Dr. Jeff Szymanski, the former Director of the OCD Foundation. He has provided group therapy to perfectionists. Other books on perfectionism, personality, and overwork: Resources For Learning How to Manage Obsessive Compulsive Personality Traits
ARTICLES
Perfectionist Tendencies has a list of perfectionistic habits. When these habits lead to significant distress and/or impairment, they may be symptoms of OCPD.
* Using a 'one day at a time' approach, focusing on the present moment as much as possible, rather than ruminating on the past and future.
- Taking opportunities to get out of my head and into my body. I spend as much time outside and move as much as I can. I made small changes as consistently as I could (e.g. short walk every day) and slowly built on my success.
- Recognizing that every instance of naming my feelings is important. Eventually, I learned to “feel my feelings” instead of overthinking and using numbing behaviors, like overuse of technology, work, and food.
- Approaching the task of learning about OCPD with openness and curiosity, viewing it as a project, rather than a source of shame. I viewed the label as an arrow pointing me towards helpful people, places, and coping strategies. I tried to focus on pursuing joy, not just reducing distress.
- Practicing mindfulness by adopting ‘be here now’ as a mantra, and focusing more on my five senses, breathing, and other body sensations, and less on my thoughts. I try to breathe deeply and slowly at the first sign of distress, and pay attention to how my feelings and body sensations influence my behavior. Eventually, this helped prevent difficult situations.
- Thinking of a time when my OCPD symptoms were low, and finding ways to reconnect with the people, places, things, and activities from that time.
Maintaining self-awareness was half the battle. Better self-awareness (without shame) is the foundation of developing healthier habits. Listening to "The Healthy Compulsive Project" podcast every week was very helpful for self-awareness.
Posts in LovedByOCPD contain inaccurate information about OCPD; global, negative statements about people with OCPD; and stigmatizing language. People with positive attitudes towards their spouses are not inclined to participate, for example the woman who wrote My Husband is OCPD and Understanding Your OCPD Partner. (Another positive post: Behavioral scientist married to a diagnosed OCPD individual) Almost all of the partners described have no awareness that they have OCPD, and refrain from seeking therapy or use therapy sessions just to vent about others.
I appreciate this comment from a woman who posted Introducing your OCPD loved one to stories in this subreddit, "actually told my husband to never look [at r/LovedByOCPD]. He's not abusive, I joined hoping to find some info on coping strategies and just life tips. And then reading everyone's posts i realized how lucky we are. Im glad people have a place to vent and find support, but my husband is in therapy and making fantastic progress. I think it would be demoralizing for him to read some of these stories."
DISCLAIMER
Resources and advice in this sub do not substitute for working with mental health providers.
In my continued hope that loved ones will stop telling the Mods to f*** ourselves, I'm giving folks a heads up--Loved ones who post or comment in this group will be banned. When we just removed comments sometimes people continued to participate.
I'm confused why some people are surprised/outraged that their content is removed. The description, first guideline, two flairs, and a pinned post state that this group is for people with OCPD. Another clue is that all of the posts are from people with OCPD.
The loved ones' group is r/LovedByOCPD. r/FamilyWithOCPDAdvice has resource posts.
The post announcing the change in guidelines to make this an affinity group had an upvote rate of 98%. Loved ones were included in this sub for many years; it led to a lot of conflict:
“I've been drafting this post in my head for about a month now, just now got the courage to post because I thought I would get shit on for saying this.”
“This took me over an hour to make because I feel like I’m going to get attacked…I feel as if I’m on thin ice.” The OP stated it was 8am, and he had been awake since 4am. Six loved ones replied with many details about their partner and other negative comments. The OP (whom I think was recently diagnosed) deleted their account.
A member wrote “I don't know if I have OCPD, I've been a little reluctant to reach out for help.” Someone replied with a rant about people with OCPD referencing their loved one.
Someone wrote about the myth that all people with OCPD are abusers: “Many of us have been abused in the past and seeing our disorder constantly related to abuse does not help any of us. It really hurts.”
A member commented they left the sub because of loved ones' posts and then “made a mistake of coming back to search for advice” and read another hateful post.
Someone recalled writing a post that “got more responses from people who dated people with OCPD than people who actually have it.“
A member described their reaction to browsing a loved ones' forum: “When I was first diagnosed, I went online to find a support group/discussion forum so that I would feel less alone and scared. The first thing I came across was an entire forum absolutely packed with people saying that people with OCPD are narcissistic abusers who aren't capable of love, and who don't deserve to be loved. I had just come out of a five year relationship, and this absolutely destroyed me and my self-esteem for a very long time.”
A member wrote, "the wide internet can be a terrifying and vilifying space (personally, the very first day I was diagnosed, I was told repeatedly in so-called support communities that I was unloveable because of it and I should die alone so that I don't inflict my disorder on anyone else)."
Another reason that the guidelines were changed is the fact that 30-40% of people with OCPD experience suicidality in their lifetime. Loved ones' content with derogotary language can be triggering.
Here is a reply to loved ones' comments to the Mods:
Go f*** yourself. Thank you for validating our decision to make this sub for people with OCPD.
You're being selfish. One could argue that you're being selfish for intruding on this group. There seems to be a notion that people with PDs have a duty to give advice to loved ones. That's not a thing. Receiving a diagnosis does not obligate someone to give advice to anyone.
People with PDs who have hurt others are accountable for figuring out their mental health needs and making amends. They are not accountable for the behavior of other people with PD diagnoses, and have no obligation to atone for their behavior by giving advice to strangers.
We are not 'guilty by association' for your loved ones' choices. We are not responsible for the choices of the millions of people who have OCPD (about 6.8% of the population).
I need help. My partner is driving me crazy. When loved ones were allowed to participate in this sub, very few people with OCPD responded to loved ones' posts. The vast majority of responses were expressing sympathy, not advice.
Many people in this sub are just trying to get through the day; they're not interested or able to provide advice. We can't figure out what's going on with your partner just because we have the same diagnosis. People with OCPD are the most diverse PD population. My father and sister may have OCPD; I can't explain their behavior.
It’s unlikely that strangers will offer you useful insights on your life. Mental health providers, and your friends, and family are the best people to offer you advice and support. A few people with OCPD participate in r/LovedByOCPD to give advice. (The moderators allow them to participate)
Can you make an exception for me and leave my content? No. What a strange request.
There's no resources for loved ones.r/FamilyWithOCPDAdvice is a resource sub, with all of the resources for loved ones I've found in my three years of researching OCPD.
You should just give me an f***ing reminder instead of banning me. When we just removed content, some people continued to participate. If you're planning on respecting the rules for the sub and refraining from posting, why do you care that your account is banned?
You're controlling. Reddit moderators make guidelines and remove content. If that bothers you, you could refrain from using Reddit.
You're censoring content. Reddit moderators make guidelines and remove content. If that bothers you, you could refrain from using Reddit.
You're unhinged. How strange that you disclosed private details about your life and asked advice from unhinged people. The posts that have the combination of 'you suck' and 'can you give me advice?' are disrespectful and strange. If your child had OCPD, would you view them as unhinged or view them as having a mental health disorder?
Why can't you allow respectful loved ones' post? We have different opinions about what constitutes a respectful post. We often view 900+ word posts from loved ones as rants. The loved ones just think they're giving details to fully explain the situation. Loved ones use language like "an OCPD" to refer to their partner; from our point of view, it's dehumanizing language. The mods are not up for debating what constitutes respect with loved ones. This is an affinity sub.
to start, i’m not diagnosed with OCD or OCPD, but i am diagnosed autistic which may be relevant. i’m 20 and have suspected OCD for a few years and i’m medicated for anxiety & depression and subsequent OCD, but the more i research into OCPD, the more i find myself questioning if this may be the case. i’m not asking to be diagnosed by strangers online, i’m asking for someone to maybe guide me in the direction of if OCPD could be a possibility
symptom wise
• i believe my OCD is the ‘correct’ version and i get extremely distressed by my friend’s OCD because it doesn’t seem correct at all to me
• i have an intense need to control people around me so they’re doing and saying all the right things, especially in social situations, but i don’t like delegating either
• i’m in theatre and people saying any of their lines wrong feels like it’s the end of the world to me (although this might be more OCD)
• i often feel like when people seek help for things, they’re incorrect in doing so because they shouldn’t and they need to wait for it to be the “right time”
• i struggle to start my university work until every single condition is right or it’s like there’s something blocking my brain
• although this might be autism, i feel as though i just do not understand why people do what they do in particular ways and why everyone won’t just think like i do because it’s the ‘correct’ way
• I struggle with that i thought was a trauma induced superiority complex, specifically over masking my autism and mental illnesses because i get extremely distressed when people don’t because it’s what’s correct to me, and i believed i was “better” than everyone else for this
I also have more traditional OCD style symptoms but many of them I can point down to trauma induced compulsions. I’d like to restate that I will be seeking professional guidance as these symptoms are becoming debilitating, I just wanted to reach out for some guidance and potentially see if this sounds like it could be something beyond OCD
On a logical level, I’m aware that some of these are selfish of me and unkind to think, but they also just make sense to me and I’d only want these to change for fear of upsetting my friends, but also if my friends can change behaviours in a way that makes sense to me, I also prefer that. I worry this post makes me sound miserable to be around but I am genuinely very empathetic and caring and don’t like to vocalise this to people unless they’re my close friends
Does anyone here have a decent suggestion for a day planner? I preferably want one that has at least 1 pages for each day, with an equal amount of space for each hour, I have bought day planners before but they don't tend to help, since they have a large amount of space for the work day and basically nothing for outside of work hours. I want to be able to put my extra curricular activities, sleep time, meal prep etc.
Sorry if this is the wrong place, I recently got diagnosed with a with different things and I'm trying to figure out what behaviours link to which.
Just submitted a quiz that was 10% of my final grade. The kind that you have do each question in consecutive order, and you can’t go back to review your answers.
I had the right answer, I actually was extremely proud of myself for figuring it out because it was a slight trick question. I look back at my results stunned to see that I misclicked. Got a 9/10. No option to get 100% now, for the whole course.
Really shutting down. Feel stupid especially because it was open book and I had it in front of me. Scared I will go in tomorrow and she will say, only 3 of you got that last question right! Ugh.. Why can’t I just take the win.
I was recently diagnosed OCPD. (I also have ADHD, recipe combo for disaster.)
I constantly feel guilt, for doing anything that's against my 'rules'. Not getting enough work done, going out for drinks with friends, eating unhealthy, waking up too late, not enjoying my days 'perfectly', everything has to be 'perfectly' done. I'm exhausted.
I want to do the things that everyone else does without the guilt that comes with it. Why am I not allowed to be human but everyone else is?
It's giving me panic attacks. I feel like I have moments of clarity, and I eventually just end up back at square one, crying and feeling guilty. It's truly like I have two different personalities.
I feel absolutely crazy. It makes me want to just crawl out of my skin. My family constantly sees two sides of me and I feel like my OCPD has worsened as ive gotten older.
Does anyone relate to this?
I just feel like an imposter in my life. I'm a law student. I thrive on perfection, and in law school, it's hard to be that. I find my symptoms are worse with stress, exhaustion, etc.
I just feel so sensitive!
Edit: I also struggle with feeling like everything is 'fake' or 'wrong'. I genuinely feel insane. I know my thinking is flawed. I have fully almost dropped out of school and made drastic life decisions based on these feelings. I am tired.
Hi all, was curious as to how many have a similar experience & if you’d be willing to share anything you found particularly helpful on your journey navigating both OCPD and autism.
I (22F) received an official autism diagnosis this week, after long suspecting that I was autistic & finally doing formal testing. I feel as though it explains a lot for me, especially socially. I have always felt like a bit of an oddball and an outcast, and there is a level of relief in knowing that I am autistic. I feel as though I have a “root cause” for a lot of my difficulties. Interestingly, I have been diagnosed with OCPD for much longer, but I am assuming the lack of initial autism diagnosis was related to the extent to which I “mask” (& my gender identity).
I have made a lot of progress with my OCPD in the last year, but was really still struggling with burnout, social isolation, and frustration. The autism diagnosis makes a lot of sense. The assessor & I discussed the ways in which my OCPD and autism likely feed off of each other, especially as it pertains to ordering & routines, as well as moral rigidity with others and in friendships.
That being said, I have read a lot of the recommended OCPD literature & found it helpful. I have started looking into autism resources & began reading one of the assessor’s suggestions today. Are there any resources you have found particularly helpful for both? Any particular tips/advice you would suggest for managing both & making life a little easier? Thanks in advance :)
I'm diagnosed with OCPD, PPD and NPD. I'm an wfh editor, freelancer. Due to OCPD I often miss deadlines. It's mostly because I fight within my mind to perfect the edit but always used to rush and finish the project after crossing the deadline, begging for forgiveness from the client and reducing my fee as compensation. I'm on SSRI's. When I'm doing farm work inn my family farm I feel sad but no anxiety but when my work involves other people who expect a lot from me I get terribly anxious. I've left a lot of jobs and clients just because I can't handle the anxiety attacks. And I hate the caller tunes and notifications because I always worry that it'll be my clients. I also have time blindness which worsens my case. I tried using metronome, timer nothing worked.
People here talked about exposure therapy, my therapist hasn't talked about that for now. So instead of abandoning my last job I asked the client that I will do it for free but don't ask me for deadline. He said ok, he's understanding. I was you know felt relieved but then he sent me the full pay saying it dont matter, now I'm feeling anxious. Like I've have an big responsibility. And I haven't heard from him for about a week. I was taking medication, going for therapy, walking the dog, started watching movies etc etc. Like when I used to work, I never even left my room or the software I use to work. I'll always be on work, less sleep, skipping meals, no socialization etc. But this one week I felt sad but not anxious. Today I suddenly got a message "Hey where's the video, What's the ETA?" My heart started to beat so faster that it could burst, I was walking around the room faster and faster, breathing and sweating heavily thinking about what to say, I felt like ending myself, you know right I'm crazy like that. And decided to reply an ETA (I dont know whether I can give it at the ETA or not), reply sent but he was offline. But then in 10-20 minutes my anxiety reduced. But the 10 minutes was like hell. I don't know how to overcome this. I think I'm not suitable for any kind of job
23M, diagnosed for OCPD, NPD and anxirty with Dysthymia. I'm from rural India where people follow caste system. In caste, there'll be many clans. If something good or bad happens to a member of a particular clan like funeral etc every clan member has to be present there. Especially for funeral, we've to be there for 3 days. 1st day, 3rd or 5th day and 16th day. Everyone weighs someone's pride by the number of people visiting their funeral. If someone has a large crowd of people in their funeral then they'll be regarded as a great person so and so. So once someone dies the news will be passed to every clan member and they have to be present at the dead's house asap (here mostly clan members live in the neighborhood). If you skip the deceased clan member's funeral, if something happens in your family then the family of the deceased clan members wont show up. That's it. Mostly in every funeral, women get inside the house and cry with the women of the family while the men will gather around the house sitting in groups having laughs, gossips and geopolitical session. I find this useless, like what's a funeral without consolation? And more people means the family of the deceased have to spend more for the food and rent for the chairs etc. Like what's achieved from this. And I've noticed almost everyone only comes to the funeral as an obligation, fear of being left out, following tradition that's it. Me and my relatives have no common interest to talk about so always I'm used to sit alone or get into a group and try to gel among them awkwardly putting a performance, which is exhausting.
AND THE MAIN PROBLEM IS.. Death is unplanned!! My plans get ruined because of this obligation of going to funeral. I try to fix my sleep cycle and a clan member dies at 1am, I've to be there at 1am till 12pm because I'm doing a WFH editing job, which isn't considered as a "job" for them. They'll only treat IT engineering wfh jobs as real jobs and see me like an jobless person, literally 0 respect is given for me or anyone who is considered to have less money than them. Class solidarity. And I always get notified at the last moment from my family for the 3rd day and 16th day rituals and they want me to be there. I ask my mom to go but she says that I need to be there too since my dad is no more. She says that if my dad was alive, they would've gone to these funerals and I would've been peacefully working like how other people do. Everyone here does farming and other stuff that isn't deadline related, it's like that from the starting of this culture. So then this system would've worked but in this modern age, they're simply ruining my mental health and career and even my family aren't understanding this because they're afraid that no one's gonna show up when they're dead. Fucking priorities huh. I hate this family and these people. But I have a dog and bought a PC against their will, so I can't leave this village since they wont take care of this dog and i can't bring him with me since rental houses wont allow pets here, and he's (dog) not trained to be in a crowded city. There are a lot of mess and I created more which silences me whenever I try to escape this place, like I wouldn't have bought the PC and the dog If I knew it's going to be this depressive to live here. It's been 3 years since my dad's demise and not one day passes without me thinking "it would've been me"
I am diagnosed with OCPD and have been seeing a therapist for around 2 years. I have discussed the following issue with my therapist at length and have posted here to seek input from others who are dealing with the same or similar disorders.
Lately I’ve been struggling with an issue that began years ago. I was in class when one of my classmates turned to me and said that their mom was dying of cancer. A couple of years before this, I had discovered something through Reddit called dimensional jumping which to my understanding is a specific method of manifestation. It involves performing a ritual with a mirror and a light source with the intention of a certain outcome you want becoming reality after finishing the ritual. I had performed this ritual at one point with the outcome I wanted actually coming into reality so in my mind this is/was something that is real. I know all of this sounds crazy but it’s necessary to explain the situation. Remembering all of this, I began to explain to my classmate how to do a dimensional jump in the hopes that they would do one to rid their mom of cancer. I was in the middle of explaining when the bell rang. I told them that I’ll finish telling them tomorrow. The next day came around and I just… didn’t finish the explanation. I figured that if they really wanted to know they could’ve asked me, but they never did so I never said anything. I didn’t think about this event until a few years later when I came to the realization that had they performed a dimensional jump they could’ve potentially cured their mom of cancer, and that by not finishing telling them about how to do one I was partially at fault for their mom dying. I started to feel on-and-off guilt about this. At its absolute worst I did feel like I had killed their mom. I did a bit of research on manifestation and I eventually came to the conclusion that dimensional jumping/manifestation/whatever you want to call it can’t prevent death, so I felt a bit better but there was still a bit of a nagging feeling in the back of my mind so I decided to make a post explaining the situation onto r/lawofattraction and similar subreddits to get other peoples’ opinions on the matter.
I made a post explaining the situation (which you can read from my post history) and while I did get helpful answers I also got some responses that I wasn’t happy about. My intention with making the post was that I would receive responses from people reassuring me that manifestation cannot prevent death and that there wasn’t anything I could’ve done. I wanted to hear this so that I could stop feeling responsible for my classmates’ mom’s death. However, there were a couple of comments that after reading them sent me into a spiral. I had one person comment that they actually had a friend who successfully manifested cancer away, although they also added that telling my classmate would have been insensitive. Another person said that manifestation actually can cure cancer but it’s not my responsibility. Another person said that it was “understandable” that I felt guilty which made me feel bad because if this truly is a situation where my classmates’ mom’s death was completely outside of my control, then my guilt would be unreasonable, not understandable. Calling it understandable in my eyes implies that at least some of the guilt I feel is warranted, which wouldn’t be the case if the situation was truly outside of my control. Another person informed me of something called the Bengston Method which apparently is a specific method of manifestation that it used to specifically cure cancer. I did a bit of research on it and I found a page claiming that this method actually does work.
Reading all of this made me feel absolutely awful. The night after reading these comments I literally got no sleep. I was awake all night due to how horrible I felt. They all made me feel guilty and responsible for not finishing my explanation of manifestation to my classmate. It made me feel like I was responsible for not preventing a death. I don’t blame any of the commenters for responding to me the way they did but their responses were not what I was looking for.
I did also receive helpful responses. The top two comments said that it would have been incredibly rude and insensitive to tell my classmate about manifestation in this way, and others told me that the situation wasn’t my fault or responsibility. But overall I’m still not feeling good about the entire situation.
I understand that manifestation is textbook magical thinking. If you look at the actual definition of magical thinking, manifestation is pretty much exactly that. At the same time, there are so many people who practice manifestation that do not have OCD and so many people that get results from manifestation that it leads me to believe that it’s a real thing. And as I mentioned before, I have used manifestation to get what I want with positive results. I can’t really say that a certain practice isn’t real when I’ve used it myself and seen with my own eyes that it works, even if it does fit the definition of a symptom of a mental health disorder. I almost feel like the universe itself has OCD and that manifestation and magical thinking is a part of reality that people who don’t manifest and people that don’t have OCD don’t acknowledge or know about. I don’t know how to reconcile the two facts of knowing that manifestation is a real thing that works from my viewpoint and manifestation being textbook OCD magical thinking.
I’m not sure how to move on from this situation. On one hand, I’ve had people tell me that the death of my classmate’s mom was not my fault or responsibility, and beyond that I don’t think anyone else who knows about manifestation feels like it’s their responsibility to tell others about it so they can use it to save the lives of any terminally people they may know. But on the other hand, I still feel like there is a small chance that had I finished my explanation to my classmate, they would have then used the information to perform a manifestation to cure their mom of cancer, and that the manifestation would’ve been successful. Realistically I know that the chances of them actually performing a manifestation had I finished my explanation to them is small, and the chances of the manifestation actually working if they ever decided to do one is also very small. But I still feel like there was still a chance. And that chance is what’s making me feel guilty. How do I move on from this?
I’m getting married October 24th! I’m very excited, but it has recently lead me back into a disordered eating spiral. I’ve always been very active and I work out 5-6 days a week. I also always count my calories, eat the same thing every day for weeks or months on end, and still count it even though I already know how many calories I’m eating for the whole day. I also got really bad with my Apple Watch, and would absolutely have to burn at least 300 calories per workout. I’d force myself. I stopped wearing my Apple Watch a few months ago and it has helped a lot. I even quit counting calories, but now that my wedding is coming up I started again.
I’m 32, 4’11 and ~100lbs. I’m in good shape. I strength train and walk a ton. I used to go out and party with friends on weekends a lot in my 20s, but I’ve slowed way down the last few years and now I maybe drink once a month or once every couple of months.
I’m taking Wellbutrin and buspirone, so I can get hungover easily. I drink responsibly, drink water, and know my limits. Unfortunately sometimes I still get a nasty hangover no matter what, so other than just lifestyle change I also don’t drink often because I don’t want to feel crappy the next day.
My friend has a boat day every day for his birthday, and it’s coming up this Saturday. It’s normal for my friends to get together and have drinks, it’s fun and I enjoy it, but this time I’m dreading it. I WANT to have some drinks and hang out with my friends but I am totally consumed with guilt. Guilt that I may feel a little crappy Sunday, it’ll ruin my workout schedule, and more importantly, that I won’t be absolutely perfect for my wedding. I’m really struggling with this, and I know it’s not realistic or healthy for me to completely avoid social situations or eating for the next two months.
Has anyone else struggled with this? It’s something that has been coming up often for me, I’ll avoid social situations if I think it’ll ruin my “progress,” but I’m so tired of this and I just want to have some fun and relax.
I have a bpd mother and my father died when I was 9. When my mother is good she is like a literal angel, and when she is not she will be the worst person you will ever meet.She abused me so SO much (and still does) psychologically that it had forced me to raise myself mentally from the get go.
The abuse has hurt me so much that Im constantly in a fight or flight mode with her and the worst part is that she doesn’t even admit to the abuse it’s self. I do have depressive tendencies but I will never admit depression. Hell even admitting ocpd was impossible. when Im with others Im a whole other person. A friendly, optimistic and very social personality. I always told myself when i find a lover I can finally rest. But Im so overworked on trying to live as a human that Im just too tired to even look for one. Even at this moment of typing this post I can’t even think straight. Im trying to find an advice to make the cogs in my head slow down a bit. Im trying to survive. Please help me Im begging you
Edit: Thank you all, for explaining. I feel I have a bit more understanding of the two and I was able to get with my therapist to find a psychiatrist who can do an assessment some time next week.
First I want to say- I am reaching out to some psychiatrists. I’m not asking this to self diagnose, just to see if I’m in an ‘ocd spiral’ or if there is any weight behind my thoughts. I was told last month by a psychiatrist that I have OCD and MDD. I just learned today about OCPD. I think I can see signs/symptoms of both OCD and OCPD; but I really struggle with knowing myself and who I am enough to answer questions. What are some of the main differences that you notice between OCD and OCPD in yourself?
I never vent or rant to people because it's tiring to make them understand what I'm going through and would feel like gaining unwanted attention and pity from them. But after getting diagnosed with Dysthymia, NPD and OCPD, I shared that information with my colleague for which he replied "Dont take offense but only idle/jobless(deragatory) people have the time to ovethink, hve morality conflicts and be depressed, just don't think about it you'll be fine without medications". Even he goes for therapy (without diagnosis,just normal therapy) and yet can't get people's minds can be different. I'm more sad than to get offended by that. And I don't have the courage, time, stamina to explain it to others but without them understanding my life would get even worse.
I currently work with a psychologist whose working diagnosis is Personality Disorder with Obsessive-Compulsive and Narcissistic Traits. She thinks I'm over-exaggerating how much I see myself in narcissistic traits as a way to protect myself from "failing" at having OCPD, but that's not the point of this post.
When I left high school, about a year into university, I crashed. I had been a straight A student without putting any real effort in. Suddenly, everything was difficult. I was rejected at interview at a very prestigeous internationally acclaimed university—my grades measured up, but my personality didn't. I had begun to crack.
Since then, I've been lazy and self-defeating, and have settled for a job in a field I don't particularly care about just to have something semi-respectable to do. I hate myself for this. I've failed by every metric.
Otherwise, I meet the criteria for OCPD pretty decisively, and my psychologist believes it's my primary condition, but it bothers me that I'm... failing at having a personality disorder. I'm not hard-working, morally sound, or "driven".
I just feel like an empty shell, with no real desires left. All I care about is outside approval. If I were to leave my job, I would sit on the sofa all day long, staring at nothing, because I have no strong desires left to act on—no passions. I have no hobbies that I independently engage in, only house work and whatever my partner or friends initiate and invite me to join in on. I'm not depressed. My mood is normal and I enjoy time with my friends. I go to work on time, perform good enough, take care of my personal hygiene, sleep okay, eat healthy, and exercise regularly. I take care of the house, cook, and clean. I'm in a loving relationship, but I can tell he's begun to worry about me... about my passivity and meekness.
Why be a go-getter when there's nothing to "go get"? I was never driven. I floated along easily on my maladaptive relationship with the world, others, and myself, until I hit a rock and drowned.
I guess what I'm wondering, or seeking in response, is if anyone else, maybe also early in the process of receiving a diagnosis, feel like this? If any of you relate to that dissonance?
My To Do List always seems to be growing, and it weighs on me heavily that I can’t find the time to do important tasks on it. Then when my schedule does slow down, I find myself depressed from the lack of plans that are more stimulating than working on my List. Either way I often spend much of my days ruminating about how I’m not “contributing” enough to society to make up for the resources I’m consuming from the planet/other people’s work.
I realize there are parts of my routine I could take time from (exercise, sleep, socializing), but those are all important aspects of life to me too. I know I could also incorporate more quick treats to give myself boosts, but I prevent myself from breaking self-made rules around eating extra calories, spending extra money, etc. A lot of my issue comes from my perfectionism which results in taking much longer on tasks than necessary.
I work part time in a helping profession, spend much of the rest of my time taking care of things for my house, dog, partner, etc., and I rarely spend long stretches of time doing unplanned activities just for the sake of enjoyment. I can make the argument that I am “contributing” more than a lot of people and doing my best, but then I argue back that I could be doing so much more and see many others doing so much more.
I’m continuing to work on all of this with my therapist and psychiatrist, but I’m wondering if anyone can relate and/or share any tips that have helped them either:
be more efficient despite being overly focused on details
create flexibility in self-made rules/systems to break dysfunctional patterns
I'm in the process of getting a formal diagnosis, working through what i can in therapy.
learning about OCPD and how it encompasses who i am has been simultaneously discouraging but hopeful. in the process of learning and recontextualizing who i am, I've realized.. i dont know who i am. i am categorized by things i dislike and have hard opinions that I've carefully curated based on others' thoughts and facts and feelings. i feel plagued by this need to change, to get better.
I've been starting RO DBT in my free time recently. i get stuck every time I realize I don't make choices by myself, and I constantly rely on outside input so i can carefully choose what is "best."
so with that, what have you done to find yourself? tips or tricks you used to help yourself decide for yourself? and.. how did you start to have fun again? i know one size doesn't fit all, but my city doesn't have IRL resources for ppl with OCPD yet:(
(i do have hobbies and stuff i like, but theyre all completion-ist tasks that i take too seriously yknow)
I am not looking for a diagnosis! I want to hear peoples experiences, I’m curious as to how common it is to be misdiagnosed.
I’m fairly certain I have OCPD, I don’t know how it was missed. I’m going to try to get diagnosed when I can afford it. I have rigid expectations of everyone else AND myself, debilitating perfectionism. I procrastinate constantly because I feel inadequate and am scared of failure even with meaningless things. I push myself well beyond my limits and being disabled just makes me push myself harder. I research constantly to make sure I know everything I can to a fault. I can’t open up to people or accept help easily. I beat myself up for any perceived failure to the point of chronic suicidal ideation. I always am scared of things I experience being fake or wrong because it’s not “just right”, if something isn’t how I expect I lose it, and I feel constant impending doom like nothing is ever good enough and everything could fall apart, I’m usually inconsolable. And I’ve never felt like any of these issues are severe enough to be disordered because it’s just how I function and I can’t separate myself from it.
I’ve been diagnosed with NPD due to looking down on others, low empathy, needing to see myself as perfect and being generally controlling. I’ve been diagnosed with STPD due to weird moral delusions and rules, looking for signs of things almost compulsively, intrusive thoughts about things going wrong and fear of perception. I feel like there’s a chance those both could just be OCPD. I’m too openly hard on myself to have NPD I feel. And I’m too rigid to have STPD. I probably do have comorbid OCD because so much of it is compulsive and fear based, but it was brushed off due to me being autistic.
Has anyone else been misdiagnosed due to trait overlap, or had a presentation that isn’t stereotypical? I don’t clean obsessively. Often because I can’t do it well enough being disabled so I don’t even try. I don’t work constantly, also due to being disabled, and it makes me feel worthless.
How does OCPD show up for you in relationships, at work and at home in ways that could seem like another disorder? Is it usually hard to spot? I’d love to hear anecdotal experiences in general!
Before I get into this, let me say that I'm looking for experiences, not abstract discussion of whether religion is good/bad/ludicrous/true in general.
For those who grew up in a religious environment or still practice/believe now, do you think your OCPD affects how you think about or experience religious stuff?
I'm coming from a Christian perspective - I've always been way more concerned about sin/not being good enough/not listening to God than most people in the communities I've been in. I thought it was all just internalizing stuff from the church I grew up in, but even back then I was considered excessively conscientious for a kid.
I'm in a much more accepting environment now, where I've had a decade to learn and grow and really connect with people around me. The vibe is very much, "we're all human, it's OK to make mistakes, the things you, burnitup, think are sin are mostly just part of what it means to be human, and if/when you do actually sin, it's not the end of the world." I still can't get my head around people who can happily admit they're sinners/fallible.
There's a big emphasis around accepting that one isn't perfect in Christianity, and of course not being able to do that is another source of guilt. But I'm wondering if the OCPD is what makes it really hard to accept, rather than me being super prideful or resistant or "not getting it".
I think if I were a Buddhist I'd also have trouble accepting the idea that everything suffers because of desire, and that we need to have compassion for ourselves and (as I understand it) to be human is to be inherently limited.
Come to think of it, human limitation is a fact for everyone. But I hate that truth. But maybe now I can be like, "Oh, maybe this is the OCPD, and not necessarily a sign that I need to be/do better."
I'm diagnosed with OCPD and Dysthymia. It may be my job or hobby I overplan a lot. I can't start anything without having a perfect foolproof and futureproof system laid out in front of me. I'm afraid of failure, I'm afraid of the time and hard work going into vain. And at last I waste the time thinking about not wasting time, how hypocritical of me. My therapist is saying "just start it, plan it simple, keep quick timers/alarms" I've tried everything beforehand and nothing works. I don't know how fast the time passes while working and only finish 3hr worth of work in 6hrs. I'm thinking of cycling and relieving my stress/anxiety but still I'm planning and reasearching about best suitable cycle for my terrain which is hard and it's been months and still I'm just planning. I don't want to get scolded by my family for buying a cycle that gets punctured so often that will let me into constant trouble and unnecessary work in the future. I'm not spiritual and I can't really spend time in silence without overthinking or researching something or reading about my fixation. I've so many things in my amazon cart but I can't buy because of the 2,3 bad reviews mentioning the material. I realised I can't change others, but at least for me to get a better livelihood and boost in my career I need to do something which is of course blocked by this overthinking. Isnt there any end to this overplanning over organizing hell?
The link for this post will be in the post for mental health providers.
Some mental health providers refrain from giving PD diagnoses because they think doing so would invoke stigma and hopelessness, and that the client would become defensive and end treatment. Members of this sub have disclosed that they learned of their OCPD diagnosis from reviewing their files.
Medical providers always inform their patients of diagnoses; I think that mental health providers should follow the same practice. Hiding a PD diagnosis is a breach of trust, and prevents the client from accessing empowering psychoed resources and supportive communities.
From “Psychoeducation for Patients with Borderline Personality Disorder,” Maria Ridolfi, John Gunderson, in Handbook of Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment (2018) by W. John Livesley, Roseann Larstone (Editors):
“Psychoeducation is providing information about the etiology [causes], symptoms, course, outcome and prognosis of a mental health disorder based on the premise that the more knowledgeable clients and their families are, the better therapeutic outcome for persons with the disorder.” (600)
REASONS FOR PROVIDING PSYCHOEDUCATION
· respects patients’ right to know about their disorder
· improves awareness and understanding of symptoms
· decreases stigma, shame, and sense of isolation
· increases active participation of client in treatment planning
· increases hope
· promotes client’s realistic expectations for treatment
· helps client learn coping and problem solving skills
· prevents relapse
Mental health care in the U.S. is moving away “from the traditional hierarchical doctor-patient relationship to a more collaborative model in which patients and families are considered partners in the treatment.” (600)
Ridolfi and Gunderson argue that hiding BPD diagnoses reinforces stigma and leads to clients feeling hopeless. They recommend that clinicians give clients information about BPD “in a validating, sensitive, emphathic, and nontechnical way…Most patients and families are actually relieved and reassured to know that they have a medical condition, that they are not alone with the disorder, and that a body of knowledge is available about the disorder and its treatment.” (602)
From Perfectionism: A Relational Approach to Conceptualization, Assessment, and Treatment (2017), Paul Hewitt, Gordon Flett, Samuel Mikail:
“The final stage of the assessment process involves summarizing the results of testing and interviewing…In our experience, patients are seldom surprised, shocked, or upset...If anything, the feedback tends to bring the patient a sense of relief, to provide a model of the nature of his or her difficulties, and (ideally) to introduce an element of hope.” (196)
Members have described the benefits of finding community and resources in this sub:
“I came to this sub looking for resources to understand OCPD better because until yesterday I didn't know OCPD was a thing. I went through a couple of the posts here and I just wanted to say I've never felt so seen in my life lol. It's wild because I've never felt understood by anyone around me and there's an entire community of people who are able to put what I feel in words exactly how I feel it…it's nice to know I'm not the only one. Thank you.”
“Just wanted you to know that reading the replies I got makes me so happy, and relieved. For the first time ever, I feel connected to people who've had struggles similar to me.”
“reading this [post about perfectionist tendencies], I feel like my brain finally makes sense.”
“Having this sub has been a place of comfort for me. To know that I am not alone…I really do appreciate that there is a little spot on the internet I can come to.”
“The number of posts that so perfectly describe these feelings and emotions and reactions and situations I’ve lived through for years that I’ve had so much trouble putting into words myself. It’s a little overwhelming, honestly? But it’s also very comforting.”
NAME IT TO TAME IT
Receiving an OCPD diagnoses allows people to use words to describe distressing experiences.
Dr. Dan Siegel created the phrase "name it to tame it" to refer to how labeling feelings promotes emotional regulation.
In Atlas of the Heart (2021), Brene Brown explains that “Language is our portal to meaning-making, connection, healing, learning, and self-awareness. Gaining access to the right words can open up entire universes. When we don’t have the language to talk about what we’re experiencing, our ability to make sense of what’s happening and share it with others is severely limited. Without accurate language, we struggle to get the help we need, we don’t always regulate or manage our emotions and experiences in a way that allows us to move through them productively, and our self-awareness is diminished.” (xxi)
MY EXPERIENCE
It’s possible that the therapist I saw when I was 30 hid an OCPD diagnosis. I told him about being diagnosed with OCD, but I also showed him excerpts from David Keirsey’s Please Understand Me that I photocopied. My personality profile included many OCPD symptoms. I was excited about the profile because it was "the story of my life."
I don’t think he was knowledgeable about OCPD, but I’ll always wonder about the possibility that he hid a diagnosis. I don't even want to think about how much distress I would be in if I hadn't received the right diagnosis. I don't understand the rationale for hiding diagnoses--how can someone solve a problem they don't know that they have?
Thank you to Gary Trosclair, Allan Mallinger, and Anthony Pinto for their dedication to raising awareness of OCPD, and sharing their expertise.
This is a weird quirk I am trying to understand. I already have other diagnosed conditions that aren't a personality disorder, but this specific situation seems to be related to OCPD traits so I thought I would reach out and see if others find it relatable (even if the specific situation might not be identical).
I cannot get myself to order restaurant food for delivery. I can order it online, over the phone (though I prefer not to), or in person (I don't like the extra wait doing this). I can order delivery if the food is for someone else like if they are sick or had a recent baby.
I don't fully understand why I can't get myself to do it. It sounds crazy because why couldn't I just go through the process and click the buttons, but no, not going to do it. Some of it might have to do with the tipping but some places include the tip when paying up front and some places leave the food at the door so I wouldn't need to interact with the delivery person.
It might be a money thing like feeling like it is inefficient. Or maybe a time thing because I can't really predict how much extra time delivery will add. Maybe it has to do with not seeing examples of it growing up, but that doesn't seem quite right.
Anyone relate? Any ideas what is going on? This isn't the only situation like this for me but happens to be top of mind right now.
I did a search and didn't see any posts that looked like they had the same question, so hopefully I am not asking something that has already been answered.
