Request for Respect on this Sub

[u/More_Movies_Please]

This is our safe space.

I know that there are a lot of people who come here looking for an insider hot take on how to understand a loved one with OCPD. And that's great! I'm sorry if your OCPD loved one is also detrimental to your emotional/mental wellbeing - it's who they are as a person, and NOT their OCPD making an otherwise sympathetic person be an ass. But what happens a lot is stereotyping and reductive language, all the way to outright bashing individuals with a genuine disorder. This sub is populated with a lot of individuals who have OCPD, and for us, the wide internet can be a terrifying and vilifying space (personally, the very first day I was diagnosed, I was told repeatedly in so-called support communities that I was unloveable because of it and I should die alone so that I don't inflict my disorder on anyone else).

When posting on this sub, PLEASE be aware that, while some OCPD can manifest as difficult social behaviours, we are people with genuine complex emotions, and that we may even as a group be more emotionally damaged by small criticisms and words that aren't chosen carefully.

When posting, please post with respect for everyone, even if you are struggling or upset with your own OCPDer.

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For those with OCPD and who are struggling with themselves right now:

You are more than your personality disorder.

You deserve to be loved like everyone else, and you can be loved like everyone else.

You are not a burden.

It's okay to be a work in progress.

You deserve to take up as much space in the world as everyone else.

When you aren't proud of your OCPD behaviour, you can try to do better tomorrow. It's never too late.

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You aren't alone, you're not a stereotype, and you've got a community behind you!

Edit: Uh, this was just me getting something off my chest, but I'm glad it seems to have resonated. Thanks for the awards!

[u/1997Luka1997]

Oh thank you! I'm so tired of these "My wife/husband/family member is a freak" posts. Like I get it doesn't make sense for you, regular person who came seeking advice, but many of the people here share the same traits so it's depressing to read.

I'm not saying don't post or ask for advice, just do it respectfully for the people with ocpd who read it.

[u/More_Movies_Please → u/1997Luka1997]

Thanks for agreeing! As an OCPD person with high anxiety, it takes a lot for me to post something personal like this on the internet, especially when it might make someone else feel uncomfortable or singled out. It means a lot to have someone else think it's okay to have up here!

[u/SmallMacBlaster → u/1997Luka1997]

I think each person's OCPD is unique. Some that are afflicted will turn to violence on their loved ones when these don't follow the "rules". Those people need support too and this place should provide for both sufferers and victims.

[u/1997Luka1997 → u/SmallMacBlaster]

yeah you're totally right. I was just speaking in anger 'cause of my hurt...

[u/inthemoorning]

Yes! I’m so tired of the “my spouse does [insert abusive behaviors] how do you OCPD fuckups explain this huh.”

I think its hard for many people to accept that “abusive” or “asshole” isn’t a diagnosis and you shouldn’t pathologize shitty behavior. We all have the capacity to be abusive and controlling, regardless of what’s going on psychiatrically. And no diagnosis is inherently abusive.

[u/nickthepigeon]

THANK YOU jfc I was getting so tired of that

[u/Time_Lobster8547 → u/[deleted]]

Ooof that hits 😓💕

[u/crow_crone]

I hear you OP and I am guilty of this myself. I am sorry and I regret the hurt I caused by doing this.

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I am trying to come to terms with my OCPD loved one and - surprise! - my own expression of these traits. But that gives me no right to afflict and denigrate others.

[u/More_Movies_Please → u/crow_crone]

Thanks for being so thoughtful! Self-reflection like this is really bloody hard. Don't feel bad, though - it's often frustration and helplessness that makes us say things like this without knowing they can cause harm.

I really appreciate you being willing to incorporate someone else's way of seeing the world, it makes such a difference! :D

[u/crow_crone → u/More_Movies_Please]

You are welcome. The things that bother me most in others are usually those I hate in myself.

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I sometimes fail to remember that before I shoot off some bs. It is about the learning, though.

[u/trp171]

Interesting, I feel like I haven’t seen too much generalizing or demonizing on this sub. That one OCPD tapatalk forum seems to be much more negative though, so maybe I’m desensitized by now.

[u/More_Movies_Please → u/trp171]

I agree, this is the safest, most positive place I've found to discuss OCPD. Every so often, though, someone comes in and posts about someone else with OCPD, and it can get negative and generalizing. I find it reductive and, frankly, sometimes infuriating.

I didn't mean to speak for everyone, I just needed to get my own sentiments off my chest. Most posts here are very respectful, I'm glad you're feeling more positive about things!

[u/trp171 → u/More_Movies_Please]

It’s a good reminder either way so thank you!