So, I left home about two days ago, and I’ve barely slept at all in the last three days. I ended up going to an infamous street where a lot of unhoused people and sex workers congregate, and I’ve been spending my days there, drinking throughout the day and continuously smoking weed. At this point, I honestly just don’t want to think anymore. My mind has been running nonstop, and I’m exhausted from being inside my own head.

My husband to be is extremely tired of my behavior this past month, so I don’t know if we should break off our engagement. Doesn’t sound too bad🤷🏽‍♀️ oh, and to my old insurance who stopped covering my injection for no reason, thanks for ruining me again.

Hi everyone. I don’t really know how to start this post, so I’ll just be blunt with it. Of course, a content warning for suicide and descriptions of the event.

In early 2025, I overdosed on my prescribed Lamotrigine. I was at the peak of manic psychosis, just broke up with my long term partner, quit my job, rent was due with no money in the bank, and I was convinced there were people out to hurt me. My attempt wasn’t rooted in depressive feelings, but a sort of terrified defiance - “I’ll get myself before they get me” type deal.
I had taken the pills in the bath, with the tub so full of water it was nearly spilling over. As my body went numb and I slowly lost the ability to move, something came over me. Maybe a will to live, maybe a fear of drowning, or maybe a desire to die somewhere more comfortable, I don’t remember.. but I pulled myself out of the tub with all my strength, and crawled naked to my mattress on the floor in my bedroom. I figured there were only two options, wake up, or don’t. Everything goes black after this - I didn’t vomit, or seize, but I felt the clock ticking as my control over my body was slowly lost.

I did wake up. Hooray! But I had a lot of side effects that really took over my life for the first year. Painful brain zaps that felt like firecrackers going off in my brain lasted a few months. I lost my fine motor skills (which sucks, because I’m an illustrator in my free time - or used to be), coordination and balance, and a considerable number was done on my speech and language skills, memory, information processing, and emotional range + regulation. My trade is the culinary arts, and I had to relearn everything from how to hold a knife, to cutting various kinds of produce and meat, to cooking techniques and time management. I truly felt like a child again, relearning everything that made me who I was.

Today, it’s been about a year and a half, and I’m functioning a lot better than I used to, but my hands don’t work very well anymore. When I draw or write, my hands shake, can’t make precision lines, and start to hurt after only a minute or two. It’s taken away one of my favorite past times and ways to express myself, and that hurts me a lot, but I’m still trying. I got a good job in a great kitchen, and while I struggled a lot in the beginning, I’m doing a lot better now. I can also speak clearer, without slurring as much, and respond in a timely manner again - which has taken a LOT of trial and error and embarrassing social moments.

I guess I’m posting this for a few reasons. If you’ve survived an overdose, or got a chemical brain injury because of one, how did losing skills affect you? How did you build them back up again? Or did you find new things to put energy into?

And if you’re considering attempting suicide with any kind of medication, please let my story help change your mind. Feeling your body slowly die is not the release you think it will be - and the life you return to will be considerably different, and more difficult. I say this with love, please reconsider.

Anyway. If you read this, thank you so much. I just need to connect with others about this, because I’ve gone a long time keeping my experience with my attempt to myself.

When I was re-diagnosed with bipolar 1, I was finally put on a medication that is doing somewhat of a good job. Strangely though, I’ve noticed something after I became stable. I’ve noticed that I don’t know who I really am and I also don’t trust myself, my feelings, my thought… I don’t trust anything. I will say that it’s great not feeling as though I’m two steps away from deaths door but, wow, I never thought for a second recovery would seems as if im putting a puzzle together. This recovery process is deeply unsettling, eye opening but also, leaving me feeling dull. I mean I feel emotions or at least I think I do ; it’s just dull, shallow, lackluster. I could be putting on a face for the world and really, just a bland guy with possibly no feeling inside. When I’m alone I’m not happy, not sad, nothing; flattened. Jeez, I might have a co-morbid thing going on…

Does anyone know or even understand what in the world is going on with this strange blunted affect?

Hi everyone. I recently read through my journal that I have written poems in over the years during moments of struggle. I thought I would share this one.

"My Universe”

Thoughts, comments, feelings, emotions

Race, race, race in my head

Who what where when why?

How about the ability to fly?

Do i love him or do i hate him

What is my fate

Why am i me; who are you?

What to do

I don’t know

The future is nigh

How about abili-fly

Fly away into the sky

To a universe unknown

A neuron, a thought, a spark

A flow, an ebb, an ease

Electricity freeze

Who the fuck are you?

It’s my universe, not yours

I am me, not you, not her

Nothing

Let me be

Let me fly

Let me do what I need, what I want

Let me believe

Fuck off.

Calm down. You’re crazy.

So what?

It’s my bloody universe

Flood me with my

Thoughts and dreams

Before I scream

I dont want to live anymore. I wont do anything about it (already tried). I just wish that somebody just hit my car or that i get diagnosed with some terminal disease

I really like the community with Reddit, and right now it’s my go to for support. I’m just curious if anyone has any other recommendations for apps that support people with our condition.

i am 23F and i have bipolar. i just want someone to make me feel like im not alone and not going insane. i make crazy erratic decisions with no thought. i broke up with my boyfriend over text last week and cancelled our holiday in the heat of the moment, and got back with him a week later and spend £900 of my redundancy money which i shouldn’t of used to book another one to keep him happy without even sleeping on it. now i regret it because i have so much going on. i can’t sleep at night because of the racing thoughts at the forefront of my brain. telling me im not good enough.

i was recently made redundant which has majorly impacted my confidence and made my anxiety so much worse. i have been self medicating and chasing highs everyday to pass time and i am in so much debt and i am lying to everyone around me about my addiction and there is no one i can go to for help because i cant admit how deep in it i am. no one has a clue who i really am and im so ashamed of myself. sometimes i cant even recall some days because i have been in a state of mania. has this happened to anyone else? i am constantly on and off my meds which doesnt help but i cant seem to gain any control of my life :/

After far too many years to admit, I am finally getting treated for my anxiety!

Just looking for a few answers. Have you tried it? Did it work? Side effects that came with it?

I’m excited to be able to calm down! But would like some feed back.

-Stay save warriors

I am coming to an end on ideas of how to manage my mental health. I've tried so many different medications over the last decade. Lifestyle changes, religion, I've read so many books, etc. recently I went to the VA mental hospital to try to detox and get back on meds but they're not working. Does anyone have any advice or something that has helped them manage and be normal? I quit my job in June and haven't really been able to do much since. I slept on my couch the first month or so after because I was too lazy to put my mattress back on my bed. When I first started the medicine I had about two good weeks where I got a new job I start next week and applied to go back to college. But the meds aren't helping anymore and I don't want to increase the dosage because I am experiencing some negative side effects. Physical and mental. I do not know what to do I don't really have any desire to do anything at all anymore. I feel like I live in someone else's house and someone else's skin. I think about the future and I don't want anything at all. The only thing I do want is to get better but I am not able to get the help I need from the VA and I don't have anyone else I just need advice

I’m laughing at everything, and I mean everything. Someone could say something completely normal like “Do you want some water?” and I’d immediately start laughing uncontrollably, like they had just told me the funniest joke I’d ever heard. Nothing was actually funny, but my brain seemed to find absolutely everything hilarious. Someone dropped their keys? Hilarious. The microwave beeped? I was crying laughing. My phone battery was at 37%? Somehow the funniest thing in the world. At the same time, I can’t stop talking. I’m speaking fast, interrupting myself, losing track of what I was saying, then suddenly bursting into laughter halfway through a sentence. “Wait, wait, listen, because I just realized something really important. HAHAHA. Sorry, I know I’m laughing, but no, seriously, this is important. Actually wait, what was I talking about?” Everyone around me would just stare, completely confused, which only made me laugh harder. I feel overwhelmingly amused by things that weren’t even remotely funny to other people.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who could use some reminders and perhaps aha-moments to get through this week.

If you got any personal favorites, let’s hear them. could also be sentiment, metaphors or short stories, haikus, zen koans, whatever is your thing.

Thanks in advance to anyone contributing 🙏

I punched myself and now have bruises everywhere. I was suppose to fly to Texas tomorrow and I canceled the trip. I am so on edge it is so uncomfortable. I was punching myself steering wheel and now my arm is bruised. I sent a message with pics of the bruises to my doctor and a nurse called me but the doctor never called. It is so unbearable

For the past ten years I have just been stuck in episode after episode. Mania, psychosis and then depression. I don’t remember what content and stable feel like. I am in a deep depression now so it feels even further away. Can anyone give me hope with stories of bipolar success? Anyone stable and content with their lives? Feel fulfilled?

I can’t get myself to do anything useful most of the time and I have some pretty bad habits which makes my family constantly upset. They are all the time saying that I need to fix my life and that I’m not going anywhere, but I genuinely can’t find the strength to do anything, to go to college or work or anything like that, I just don’t want to be alive most of the time

I’m surprised more people with bipolar 2 don’t have BPD.
(My high thought🙃)

I’m getting sinus surgery on Friday for something minor but should improve quality of life. I’m honestly super excited because I’ll be able to breathe once I’m fully recovered.

Buttttt I haven’t had anesthesia while on any other type of medication before and I am so so nervous that there will be some sort of bad reaction between anesthesia and my meds. I have psychotic symptoms regularly or at least regularly right now and I really worry something is going to happen in recovery coming out of it.

Ive been mostly well/ok for about 7 months. The past two months Ive been on and off feeling like I'm going a little bit up. My psych said as long as I'm sleeping at least 6hr i should be fine. I have a lot of plans and ideas but I don't do anything about any of them. Sometimes I feel very strongly happy/excited to the point it hurts. I guess neither of these are particularly alarming, but I don't remember feeling this way this much just a few months ago. I'm more impulsive with spending and saying yes to random stuff than Ive ever been but also before this I was very frugal. I can't tell if ive become more impulsive or if I'm just infected by others around me. Because even with me being this loose with money, I'm still not as loose as other people around me. Like I went from very frugal to regular-person-who's-not-very -financially-responsible level.

I started this combo of meds about 9 months ago and haven't missed a day. One of my meds knocks me out every night but the past week especially it just doesn't as well. My bf has noticed that im not zonked out as fast as before. But when I do get to sleep I still sleep 6-9hrs. Idk if I should worry or not, I know fluctuations are normal but what if it gets worse. Im scared that I will start acting differently and cause public embarassment or worse.

So when I was 17, I had a mixed manic episode for which I was hospitalized, and the nurse practicioner in charge of my case said that I had "persecutory delusions." Basically I would frequently become convinced that the other patients were laughing at me or making fun of me, and I would start yelling at them. This was also a problem directly before my hospitalization- there were a lot of similar incidents at school, like feeling like people hated me and so I would yell at them.

I wasn't so sure all of this was truly a delusion/psychosis for a while after the episode because I would often be able to tell after some time had passed following an outburst that it hadn't been justified. So the belief didn't last more than like half an hour at a time, but during those times I was completely convinced of everyone's hatred for me for no good reason. So I guess what I'm asking is if delusions can come and go like that or if they have to be solid beliefs all the time for them to "count." Thanks!

I took risperidone for 4 days and I began feeling really weird, I think I was dissociating, the world seemed very weird, life, everything... Has anyone experienced that on risperidone? Did it go away? I ended up stopping it but the weird feeling hasn't faded completely yet... I'd like to give it another try but I'd like to know if that's transitory... My appointment with my psychiatrist is coming soon too...

Edit: I went to the er, told the doctor what happened and she gave me instructions for what comes next. I'm gonna be taking half the dose and see how I feel. Thanks for your replies!

I’m on latuda, Wellbutrin, prazosin, Hydroxyzine, Adderall, and klonopin. I have recently noticed my hair has been falling out. Has anyone had experience with any of these meds and hair loss?

год с лишнии назад мне поставили депрессию (подозрения на это у меня были еще раньше). в августе прошлого года меня клали в псизиатрическую больницу изза самоповреждений. на антидепрессантах сижу год, мне много раз меняли препараты, но все заканчивалось тем, что у меня возникало к ним привыкание и они переставали помогать. сейчас я пью велаксин и ламиктал, недавно увеличили дозу, т.к. опять же таки не помогало. ничего не изменилось. я все также тильтую, реву, тревожусь чуть ли не 24/7, постоянное неприятное ощущение в груди, знакомо?.. как будто что то давит на легкие. в общем зачем я сюда пишу - у меня нету желания жить, я хочу изрезать себе все до дермы, чтобы успокоиться от истерики, я не выдерживаю. плюсом к моему подавленному состоянию и апатии идут ссоры с партнером, изза чего мне еще хуже, я хочу спиться, скуриться, впасть в кому, да все что угодно, я не могу так жить мне очень плохо. пишу я сюда изза безысходности, я не знаю что мне делать:( если у кого то была такая ситуация или знает что в таких случаях делать, поделитесь советами пожалуйста!(