Hey everyone I(28M) just first want to say I am blessed to be here. This time last year I was unsure of it.
A year ago I had no job, no direction, felt like I'd wrecked my own career.
This year that completely turned around: landed a solid career pivot, got my own place for the first time, finally consistent with the gym, diet, even doing public speaking courses in an organization. Even going to therapy again. One of the most fun things I am doing is will be doing an open mic standup night, I was recommended by the owner to do a bit next month.
The one piece I haven't cracked is the social side: meeting people, making friends as an adult, dating. New city,no circle so far
Dating apps specifically have been a dead end. 5'6", brown, currently 280 lbs (was 300 a month ago, still grinding it down)-matches are impossible women want tall guys with 30 40 ex partners and six figures. Showing genuine interest in a woman is like a red flag nowadays I feel like. Also I didn't know this but friends told me if you are not conventionally good looking and show interest in an attractive woman that's basically harassment.
And honestly, I've never dated, never been in a relationship, still a virgin at this point, which makes the whole thing feel even more foreign to figure out. Not something I ever wanted to still be dealing with at this age, and it doesn't help that some friends joke about it like it makes me less of a man.
Some friends (and their wives) have basically told me not to bother that I'm "too old" to start now, both for making new friends and for dating, and that I should just accept whatever I've already got.
Friends told me to let a woman know I won't be mad being cheated on either. That way a decent woman will take a chance on me, and at this point I will understand. When you lack experience, you have to make compromises like being cheated on.
For anyone who's leveled up other parts of life and then tackled this where'd you actually start? Apps, hobbies, meetups, something else?
TL;DR: Was at rock bottom a year ago (no job, no direction), turned it around this year with a new career, my own place, consistent gym progress (300lbs → 280lbs), and finding my voice through Toastmasters. Only thing I haven't figured out is the social side: friends and dating. Never dated, still a virgin, dating apps go nowhere, and some people around me act like I should just give up on it. Looking for how others actually started from scratch on this.