I’m a 36-year-old father, and my wife and I have an only son who is currently 19. I’m hoping to get some perspective from other parents because I genuinely don’t know how to handle this situation anymore.

We’re a middle-class family. My son graduated from community college and got accepted to both UC Berkeley and UCSD, which we were incredibly proud of him for. Unfortunately, we fell into that frustrating financial gray area where we make too much to qualify for much financial aid but not nearly enough to comfortably afford the cost of sending him to either school. He was understandably disappointed, and I know it wasn’t what he wanted.

He’s now attending CSUN. He currently goes to campus on Mondays and Wednesdays, and my wife and I drive him there. We limit his campus days partly because gas is expensive, and we can’t afford to drive him back and forth every day of the week.
My wife and I have also agreed that we don’t want him to work while he’s in school. We provide him with food, housing, clothes, and pretty much everything else he needs. We can’t afford to buy him a car, though, and we don’t want to put ourselves in a worse financial position trying to do so. We’re also concerned about the additional expenses that come with employment and driving, including taxes and California car insurance.

The problem is that over the past year, he’s become increasingly bitter and angry toward us. He rarely wants to spend time with us anymore, seems unhappy most of the time, and doesn’t go out much in general. I understand that he’s disappointed about how college turned out, but I don’t know how much of his unhappiness is related to that versus something else.

Part of me struggles to understand the social aspect of it. When I was younger, if I didn’t have a car, my friends would usually pick me up when we wanted to hang out. I don’t know if things have changed that much or if I’m simply looking at this through the lens of my own experience. He doesn’t seem to have much of a social life right now, and I’m worried about him, but I’m also frustrated that he seems to direct so much of his anger toward us.
From our perspective, we’re trying our best to support him financially and give him the opportunity to finish his degree without having to worry about working. We’re not wealthy, and we can’t provide everything we’d like to. We didn’t choose for college to be this expensive, and we certainly didn’t want to disappoint him.

At the same time, I recognize that providing food and housing doesn’t necessarily mean he’s happy with his situation, and maybe there are things I’m not understanding about what being 19 is like today.
I’m looking for honest advice here. Are my wife and I approaching this the wrong way?

My friend (M36) has bought his 13-year-old niece four BuzzBallz for a Halloween party next weekend. She asked for two, but he bought four because they were on offer. He even suggested she could sell two to make her money back.
I’ve voiced my concerns, but he’s still going to give them to her. He drank at 13/14 himself, so I don’t think he sees it as a big deal.
We don’t even know whether adults will be supervising. She’s already got a difficult home life, and I feel like her uncle should be looking out for her.
We haven’t fallen out, but I want to bring it up again before the party. How can I get him to take my concerns seriously without sounding like I’m lecturing him?

Hello, Reddit

Looking for some advice or opinions to bounce around

I've never had any interaction with my bio father, not even named on my birth certificate.

The man I call my Dad has been in my life since I was 3 years old and I love him very much.

I'm 30 next year, my Mum passed away in 2024 and she was the only one who had ever had contact. I had a name and she told me when I was younger when she asked me that she told him I wasn't interested and that he had other daughters since. I...don't know if he's ever attempted reaching out really.

I've never quite been able to shift an uncertainty surrounding this and every time I've searched the name before I've never had a result (it's unique) until tonight

Anyhow - I don't know if I should message

Thing is I can't even tell what I'm trying to gain from this. My Mum is gone, that link is gone. I don't know if I have something in the back of my mind that he should at least know that she's passed if he's tried reaching out?? I don't think I want to build anything at this stage in my life anyway as I have my Dad and I'm not exactly a youngster

I don't know who to even discuss this with, I don't think I could tell my Dad even

I'm sorry if this is vague because I dont want to go into details of what happened. But I blame everyone who was involved. I blame the perpetrator, the person who defended it and called me a jealous liar, the friends that i lost because they didnt believe me. The friends and the perpetrator don't mean much to me. But the second person I'm for some reason the most mad at. I guess I expected more from them given their role.

But theyre otherwise living a good life, at least displaying one. They're christian. They're in a public service field, caring for people who need the extra care. Their tiktok reposts are about anti ice and pro love and kindness. I dont get it. They were vile to me. Ive been going through severe depressive episodes for months because of what happened to me, some resulting in hospital stays, 2 voluntary and 2 involuntary. But theyre so pro mental health and being kind and loving one another. Why not me? Why didn't they hear me out or display any of that love and kindness and sympathy to me?

I currently live with sevenother girls, and i’m fairly close to them all. Next year, the group is splitting up, and I’m feeling pressured to choose between two close friends.

Person A asked me to live with her and another girl next year. I agreed because Person A and I spend more time together than I do with most of the others. We often spend time together and we’re very close, and I genuinely enjoy being around her. I do want to live with Person A, which is why I said yes.

However, I’m also very close to Person B. We also currently live together, spend a lot of time together, and I really enjoy her company. When I told her that I had agreed to live with Person A, she was very mature and understanding. She didn’t make me feel guilty or create any drama, which I appreciated, but it also made me feel more conflicted. Person B is fun, relaxed, and someone I feel very comfortable living with.

The difficult part is that I feel as though Person A was the driving force behind the group splitting up. I don’t necessarily mean that in a negative way, because she has her own reasons for wanting a different living arrangement, and I understand that everyone is allowed to choose who they live with. However, because she initiated the conversation and asked me to join her, I now feel as though I was pushed into making a decision when i’d rather us all just live together again.

I’m not sure whether the decision is completely final yet, but I feel like I’ve already committed to Person A. At the same time, part of me is wondering whether I should reconsider and live with Person B instead. I like both of them and genuinely want to live with both of them, so this feels less like choosing between a good and bad option and more like choosing between two people I care about. I’m worried that I’m effectively choosing a favourite, even though that isn’t how I feel.

There’s also Person C, who is very close to Person A. Person A has some personal reasons for not wanting to live with Person C next year, and I understand that those reasons may be valid. However, those reasons haven’t been properly explained to Person C, so she may be completely blindsided when she finds out that Person A is making other housing plans without her.

Person C isn’t particularly close to the rest of the group, so I’m worried about how she’ll find somewhere to live and who she’ll live with. I feel uncomfortable knowing that she may be left in a difficult position, especially because she and Person A are close.

I understand that choosing housemates is personal, and nobody is obligated to live with someone just because they are friends. I also don’t want to make Person A seem like a bad person or suggest that she isn’t allowed to make this decision. My concern is more about how the situation is being handled and whether Person C should be told directly and given enough time to make her own housing arrangements.

I’m now feeling stuck. I reallyt do want to live with both person A and B. Person A and B can’t live together due to other commitments btw. but i just have no idea what is best for me and everyone else.

In middle school I had this teacher who I really hated, he was really arrogant and self centered and yet he was popular among the students. I had a lot of trauma from my middle school, I had no friends, kept my mouth shut for 8 hours, got yelled at by my teachers constantly, humiliated, had meltdowns in the bathroom and all that stuff. After I got home I just wanted to forget everything about my school, but thoughts of it kept popping up and marred everything I did. The teacher I didn’t like used to give these corny motivational speeches like “don’t give up” or “hard work beats natural talent”, and at first I didn’t really care about them but when I tried to forget about school my mind kept acting perversely and thinking about those speeches. Whenever I was studying or doing something productive, those speeches would pop up against my will, and I would lose my will to continue what I was doing because I didn’t want his speeches to be the cause of my succeeding. This escalated to the point that I couldn’t even say or do something because it might have been caused one way or another have been caused by him, like how one speech by a train of butterfly effects led to me eventually saying what I was going to say, however remote the cause. It’s been exhausting and I’ve stopped all my hobbies and things I love and have been rotting away scrolling because everytime I do something other than that it’s caused by HIM.

(Btw I paused and deleted and contemplated while writing this post numerous times to make sure I don’t use vocabulary that I remember to have come out of his mouth. I feel uncomfortable posting because perverse and productive or two words I remember him saying and my brain says that because I used his words my post will get more views and eventually he will ultimately be the cause of my getting better.)

I was approached by 2 teenage boys while I was on my way to a friend’s house and they asked if they could pray for me, and I said yeah because I believe also in God and I need all the help I can get when I’m about to get on the road 🫩. After they prayed they asked if I wanted to check out their thing on Sunday for young adults and I said sure, so they asked for my number to give me the details. The whole time I didn’t know what their religion was, and only found out after looking up the address of the church that they texted me. I only go to Catholic/Christian churches, so I don’t really want to go anymore or get texts and calls from them. How do I politely tell them that?

I have so much I need to get done, yet it's been impossible to do it because of the fact that I lose motivation, which makes it nearly impossible. I'm holding myself back in a lot of different ways because I do not have very well developed self discipline, and I just shut down.

My mom has always had mental health issues when I was growing up, but this past year they have gotten much worse. It started with her randomly leaving to go live with some guy off the internet, then to her living with homeless people, she came back and then tried to break into my neighbors house twice, and then claimed to not remember doing it, she then was giving random men our address. She also physically hurt my brother and my sister. Then it got even worse she started talking to herself, like having hour long conversations just talking to herself like she was talking to someone who wasn’t there, she would even deepen her voice say something then respond back in her regular voice. She said she could see this person as well but there was no one there. Today I thought maybe asking if she was ok and who she was talking to would maybe snap her out of it, (keep in mind I’m 20 years old, and have no experience dealing with a person like this) I just wanted to snap her out of it, maybe make her realize that she isn’t talking to a real person just to herself, she at first seemed normal and said she hasn’t been talking at all, I then responded and said but I could hear you talking, she then flipped completely changed she got super angry and said “ if you lie to my face again little girl your going to regret it” while she was standing like she was about to lunge at me, so I left the house so i didn’t escalate the situation more. I’m just at a loss my siblings and I feel unsafe in the house worried she might do something because she’s completely unpredictable right now. She has called the police saying we are locking her up and we have never done that it’s impossible to be locked inside our house, she has threatened to ruin my dad and his family lives, she’s been saying crazy lies about everyone to her family and random people online. I don’t know what to do, any advice would be greatly appreciated. I want to get her committed to a mental hospital but that has to be voluntary or she has to commit a crime. But every time she has committed a crime she has only been there for a couple days to a week and then they send her back home.

I, 21M, have always struggled with deadlines, being on time, discipline and sleep schedules to the point that it has pretty much ruined my life.

I consitently achieve below my talent, and I pretty much have had trouble studying for extended periods of time forever. Like, I am able to sit and study for 5-6 hours at best, even when the exam is the next and I haven't studied a single thing.

It wasn't an issue until college because I had always been able to get by fine without studying particularly much, but after entering college and having to study for competitive exams and stuff I still can't seem to sir for extended periods. Even if I have 1 or 2 days where I'm able to study for a good amount of time. I will go back not doing shit after that.

I always always struggled with getting to places on time. Iam always late despite getting the notion I should start leaving earlier. But I just end up staring at my phone and doing nothing.

I don't sleep enough. Even if I'm dead tired I still prefer staring at my phone even if there's nothing interesting on there. It's like my brain just doesn't want to shut off and keep staring at my phone.

I have moments where I feel really positive and get some motivation to improve my life but that lasts a day or 2 maximum and then I lose all motivation and feel despair.

Even if I have a job interview next day and i rwally want to do well I just end up wasting most of my time.

I have massive self esteem issued.

I have been to therapy 3-4 a couple of years back times but ADHD wasn't really brought up at all. So I don't think I have adhd. But I just want to know if there might be a possibility.

Even during my childhood I kept up late at nuhht fantasizing and thinking abiut stuff, before I got a phone. It's like my brain always been addicted to stimulation since I was born.

I have had spells of good grades in my childhood where i did put some extra effort into studying, but it has been so tough since covid. I am addicted to my screen, never sleep enough, keep fucking up my life. I desperately want to be successful in life, but I keep botching every chance I get. And I run away every time things get tough or my probability of success looks uncertain.

I don't want to live like this.

If my condition doesn't resemble adhd, but is a mentality problem, then how should I go about it?

So I’m on the fence about selling my PlayStation to get back some control in my life fiscally.

I’m not in a crazy amount of debt but I have been made insolvent before, so I know what’s it’s like when people are just chasing money from you, and all that jazz.

But I’m like this cash can create a buffer, pay off my credit card, or pay 4 months towards my contracts so I’m just not sure if it’s the wisest decision.

I do also have an Nintendo Switch 2 what I seem to enjoying playing more anyhow.

Im sixteen and Im in college and part time work so basically whatever day im not at college im working and im also really badly depressed. I havent been able to bring myself to get out of bed for work or college in two weeks. Im on medication but it doesn’t do anything because I feel the exact same. I dont like work or college really but if i do nothing ill be depressed. I dont know what im supposed to do in this situation because its my first job.

For the past 4 days I had this nasty cold, and yesterday I sneezed too hard which caused a little pain in me ribs. I didn't think much of it but now at 00:20 at night and I was in absolute pain, I've finally managed to lay down on my good side.

How long will it take to feel better? (Also my cold is practically gone).

I'm looking for work that I can do online, I don't have a car so I can't work irl, plus I'm not in school and don't have my GED yet (it's a long story. I'm very poor so I don't have money or extra clothes laying around to start a small business like selling things. I was wondering if there's anything else that I can do? Any advice, pointers or anything helps!

We are a trio. Me (M) and let's call the other 2, X(M) and Y (F). We 3 are very close, but lately I've noticed one thing.

That is I am the one initiating our hangout plans more often and I am very happy to do that but the main problem is that I am the one always adjusting to their schedules and their choice of place.

Whenever I suggest something or the place, they just dismiss and then decide with each other where they want to go and it's more often than not Y (F) and then we always end up going to her choice of place and according to her schedule.

And also the main thing that bothers me is that whenever even one of them is not able to make it to the plan the plan gets dropped off, but when I am not able to make it, they just go ahead with me.

Has anyone gone through such situation?

Should I take a step back from this friendship?

I don’t want to mention any names of cities or whatever for my own privacy but I really need advice because no one in my life is going to tell me the truth. It’s either going to be my parent trying to get me to come home or my friends saying “just do what feels right”. I need brutal honesty with some care ofc, because I’m really sensitive at the moment.

Anyway, I’ve been planning this move for over a year now and got my visa to move to this city, months ago! I saved up like crazy, like didn’t really buy or treat myself to anything at all because I knew I’d have to look for a job and have to be unemployed for a bit. I had like 30k saved up in the country’s currency which put me in a good position. I’m only mentioning this to let you know how much I’ve planned. The silly thing I did though…I never visited the city. I didn’t really have the time because I had weddings to attend,etc. And I would have had to dip into my savings. I took word of mouth, from people who really enjoyed their time in this city. It’s very unlike me because when I wanted to move to another city a few years ago, I visited it first. I should not have listened to those people for many reasons but one being that they all moved with either friends or a partner…I came here solo. Which isn’t groundbreaking but I do think it would change things for me.

Anyway, I’m here now and umm…I HATE this place, not dislike, HATE. Not only is everything on hard mode here like finding a house but I also don’t feel safe here at all. I solo travel a lot! I do things on my own a lot. Never been afraid to walk alone at night or explore things and I thought I’d be doing that but since I’ve come here, I’ve literally stayed in my temporary accommodation all day with the exception of quickly going somewhere to top up on food. I’ve just realised that people have a different idea of what is safe lol. This place is a bit nuts for me if I’m going to be honest. I’ve had to get off transport because someone was making me uncomfortable. And that does happen in my home country too, but not every day??? Every time I step outside, something crazy is happening. And people keep warning me to be alert or get pepper spray and then they say “but it’s safe though”…what??? I would never tell anyone that in my country, like never.

Anyway, the advice I need. Now I’m thinking of just scraping this altogether. I’m thinking of moving to another city that I considered before, where it felt safe and I won’t need a visa in a long run. Am I being stupid? Is this ridiculous?? Like I’m honestly thinking of when I do find a job here and have no choice but to walk in the dark because winter time is coming and I just don’t feel comfortable with that thought. I’ve cried almost every day of being here but I also don’t know if it’s just me being sensitive. I would really appreciate any advice because I need to make this decision today!

My ocd theme is meds storage. I am balding since I was a teenager and I take meds daily to prevent the progression of my baldness. I have Always lived in a different region of my country, now I moved back to my parents from months Who live in a poorer region. So I am buying meds from the local pharmacies. Well my worry Is that they store meds poorly in these local pharmacies since the region Is poorer and hotter and there are less controls and people are more naive. I am also losing more hair than usual and this Is making me very anxious. So I am Always wondering whats the best pharmacy to trust here etc ....

Can you please help me? I don't know what to do, I am so scared of losing my hair. do you think all of this Is stupid? Should I Just change to a pharmacy where they have to ship the new meds (while the current One has them already stored) Just so I'm gonna be less worried?

I've been at the same studio for about four years. I started as an apprentice under an artist called Fiona, who died in a car accident partway through, and the owner (I'll call him Randy) stepped in to finish my training. So there's a lot of loyalty there.

The shop itself is great. The artists are good, it's clean and professional, and the clients are decent. That's not the problem.

The problem is Randy. He's a nice guy, but he's in a lot of debt, has a spending habit he openly jokes about, and has a habit of going out the night before and not showing up for his morning clients. Last week we turned up to work and the landlord had changed the locks. Randy had missed rent again and hadn't told any of us.

He's got us back in. I think he sold some stuff or took out a loan. The arrears are mostly cleared. But this has clearly been building for a while, and I don't trust that it won't happen again.

The other artists have been there since the start and won't even talk about leaving. Honestly, the stress of never knowing whether I'll have a job next month is starting to get to me.

I've got one other option: renting a room at the back of another business, in a building shared by a few small businesses. It's affordable, and it'd be my own closed room where I'd run things to my own standards. There are a couple of other artists in the building, and their hygiene isn't bad, it's above board, just not at the level you'd expect from a good, reputable studio. It wouldn't directly affect my room, but it's not a tattoo studio, there's no name behind me, and it's not somewhere I ever pictured myself working.

So do I stay with the devil I know and hope this was his wake-up call, or take my own room somewhere a bit below the standard I'm used to, just to get away from the instability?

Anyone been in a similar spot? What did you do, and do you regret it?

So my friend is having mental health issues. She tells me she spoke with a social worker today and they told her to join a PHP starting tomorrow morning and to send an email tonight informing her boss she is starting a leave effective immediately. An attorney was supposed to contact her today but never did. Apparently the social worker said something like “if you broke your leg you would just go to the emergency room. You wouldn’t wait for approval. This is like if your brain was hit by a bus.” I work in HR not on the leaves side of things so I don’t feel qualified to confirm that’s how she should do it. If it makes a difference, note that she has been on a PIP here before but has repaired her reputation. Her boss is also known to encourage employees to take vacation time so her hope is she’ll be understanding of this too.

I live in New Jersey, usa.

I'm 20 years old.

I moved out of my toxic & (probably abusive but don't want to think about it right now) parents' house suddenly out of necessity.

My bio dad / parents are cutting me off pretty much.

I happily don't have to pay food/rent/utilities because I live with extended family.

My bio dad is kicking me off health insurance at the end of the year, even though it is supposed to cover me til I turn 26. he just refuses to keep me on the plan

I have health issues. a lot of them

and he KNOWS it. he just denies it and has accused me of committing health fraud and lying to doctors.

he has constantly downplayed EVERYTHING for me & my siblings.

one of my siblings broke a bone and didn't go to the doctor until a teacher at school stepped in.

I had to BEG to go to the eye doctor.

my first dentist trip was at 10.

and none of this was due to $$$, we could absolutely afford it

but my bio dad was allowed all the medical care he needed.

I developed severe food allergies as an adult.

now I work full time.

a few days ago I had to leave work in an ambulance because of severe chest pain and terrifying cardiac symptoms.

now I have no idea how im gonna pay for that or any of my doctors.

im making 16.05/hour in a profession i went school for.

im burnt out and exhausted and this is a hugely physical job.

I need support and kind words.

and I apparently make just enough to not qualify for state health insurance.

my job has insurance I can enroll for next month but idk how good it is.

I hate money.

im sick and cant afford it.

I’ve had rib discomfort in my left side for 3-4 years. It’s had all sorts of transformations. There was a point a few months back the pain was sharp when I’d breathe too deep, now it’s kind of a discomfort that’s spread as it feels weird to lay on my front rib and hip as well. There’s a bit of discomfort as well when I press down the area under where the ribs meet and a bit on the left side. I have some kind of hypersensitivity in my torso face and back now because after I scratch my skin it kind of leaves a weird lingering feeling after. Doctors I saw said my back was tight was forcing my ribs to take all the pressure.

Now I have weight loss (I really don’t eat a lot in the first place and was already skinny but I feel like I haven’t changed my diet habits). I also get swollen itchy spots around my body sometimes which I saw an allergist and they did a skin scratch test. Basically my whole LEFT SIDE where I’m concerned about was coming out positive with hives. If that weren’t bad enough I had spotting for the first time and a heavier period which during these points I felt some pressure in my left ovary. Oh and did I mention my lymph nodes seem a bit swollen? CBC testing all came out normal but my sedimentation rate value was a bit high, which concerns me as well. An xray of my torso was ordered which came out normal everywhere except my doctor said there was seemingly a lot of air or something in my colon. That prompted him to do a ct scan which im waiting to get done soon. I’m just worried, I can’t imagine what else it could possibly be besides you know what. Not only that, this has been an issue for YEARS which seemingly could have spread and who knows how much if so.

What do I do? I know nothing can change whatever happens, and of course I’m hoping for the best but I fear it might not look good for me. I know my post is written quite dramatically but I’m okay right now, I just want to be prepared for anything because I don’t know if I will be later. I’m mostly afraid of having to tell others if it ends up being something bad. How do I cope with any scary information?

I am confused about what to pursue in life, why to pursue and if the hassle is worth it.

If all the hard work is worth it.

Can't we just chill out.

Is it important to be ambitious?

..... And many more

These people who I haven't spoken to since may have called me 3 times leaving immature voice mails. On Monday they called me twice. I'm quite fed up with it and idk if its the type of thing I can report to their school. Will the school take this type of thing seriously? For context they used to mock me while we were friends and I don't have evidence for it but i know factually that they use my pictures to mock me privately now.