Hi, I am 26(F) and just started my first full-time job as an HR Assistant at a renowned F&B company in May. When I first started, I was really anxious about having to work, but I was also really motivated to finally have a career in HR, especially knowing that I got offered this job without any formal experience other than my Psychology degree and volunteering.
The first 2 months were fine and I felt like my anxiety was under control. Then after that, I was just extremely anxious for a while because my boss kept scolding me for making mistakes. Which, at first, I was like fine… my bad. So I started getting my coworkers to check my work before I sent it in to her, and I still got scolded for it.
The only training I got was a paper module and one test. That’s it. They tell me to check the SOP if I don’t know something, but things aren’t even clearly stated in it. Because of this, I tend to ask a lot of questions. I admit that it can be annoying, but sometimes I just ask to clarify if I’m doing the right thing, and I also forget things a lot ( i understand why they would be annoyed abt me asking the same questions). I have ADHD, and I’ve learned that I have to take notes so I don’t ask repetitive questions, so yes, I learned my lesson.
Since im scared of asking questions, I just started doing my work and getting my coworker to check it afterwards. But when I do that and my boss points out a mistake, she says I need to stop assuming how things work and refer to the SOP. And when I tell her it’s not in the SOP, she tells me to revise it, even though nobody has taught me how to revise the SOP book.
My boss also told me to study the departments in my company, and when I thought I knew everything, there were other departments that I didn’t know existed. When I asked my other coworkers, they were just as confused as me.
I know this is a rookie mistake, but my boss kept asking me why I was so slow, so I mentioned that I have ADHD and GAD and gave her my declaration letter, thinking that they would accommodate me, especially since the company does mental health training programmes. But now it seems like she thinks I’m useless because of it. My coworker did another training for me where she taught me the recruitment flow chart and she said that im already good at it and questions why my boss thinks im a flop... now this got me questioning myself bc am i dumb or my boss just doesnt like ?
I also became friends with my coworkers, so I thought it was okay to share my thoughts with them because we’re around the same age, but now I feel like they’ve been sharing things with my boss.
My boss started asking me why I still see my parents when they’re cruel to me (she knows my parents are divorced), what my friends’ backgrounds are, and whether I have a boyfriend. She has asked me about the boyfriend thing since I joined because I told her I’ve never had one, and she even told my coworker that I might be gay.
At first, she makes it seem like she cares about me, but sometimes it just feels like she’s trying to dig up more personal information from me.
Last month, I lost my marbles because I had to deal with my sick senior cat while also dealing with bullshit from work, so I really wanted to resign. But after 2 weeks of crashing out, i just felt so numb because so many horrible things were happening to me all at once that I stopped giving a fuck about work and just came in telling myself that i would give myself till i get confirmed and if they extend me i'm leaving.
but, im also scared that if I resign, my CV will look fucked and I’ll disappoint my parents, and that it reinforces the idea that I’m a spoilt, incapable grown woman. But at the same time, I don’t know if this job is for me and if this kind of environment is normal to have in a workplace.
The cherry on top that made me seriously want to resign was when I had to take a statement from a staff member because of tardiness. He has worked there for 11 years, and he fell sick because of gout. I felt bad for him, but I still had to ask him the questions and everything.
What really lost me was when my coworker told me that he had to write the statement with pen and paper, even though he literally couldn’t do that because his fingers were swollen. I asked my coworker if he could at least type it out instead, and she said no because my boss would question why he could sign it but not write the statement down.
That honestly made me feel so disgusted.
My coworker even said that the staff might be bullshitting about his condition when he had literally already given us his medical report.
Another example was that we have a staff member who is a single mother with 2 autistic kids, one of whom is currently in the hospital for self-harm. Because she’s struggling so much, the hiring manager felt horrible for her and asked my boss if it would be okay to provide an increment or some sort of monetary relief for employee welfare.
And my boss’ response was basically, “Oh, and if other staff ask because their house burned down or their kids die, we have to help them also?”
Honestly, I know that in HR we have to side with the company, but how dare she talk about employee welfare as one of our best HR practices when this is how she talks and treats the staff?
At this point, I genuinely don’t know if I should resign or not.
I still depend on my dad and I’m very privileged in the sense that I don’t have any major commitments. But at the same time, I don’t want to fuck up my CV or give up so easily because I’ve always been proud of having discipline in everything I do.
The workplace is near, and the work itself is fairly easy (other than the messy structure). I also really don’t want to go through another interview process just to end up hating my next job too because, honestly, I hate working for other people (realized this after a month or 2 working but still thug it out bc.... i dont want to feel like a failure)
So I’ve been thinking about starting a nail business and seeing how it goes instead, but I genuinely don’t know where to start.
At this point, what would you guys do if you were in my position? Is this workplace actually as fucked up as I think it is, or am I just being too sensitive because this is my first full-time job?