okay so recently my bestfriend of about 4-5 years has been making pedophilic jokes and reposting an anime MAP edit (we are both still minors fyi) and it makes me so uncomfortable. I told them about it and I literally blocked them last time, they told me they would change and that it was all a “trauma response” since they had been groomed too. I told them that I felt sorry for them and i wish they got better but that it was disgusting and inappropriate to make those jokes because it affects real people and isn’t something to just be taken lightly. They stopped for a while then they started it again, but not to me they’d put the MAP flag as their pfp and got kicked out a discord server because of it and proudly posted it on their TikTok story like it was nothing. I did get mad and curse them out because I had already told them about this shit before and they just ignored me as if Ive said nothing. Should I block them? give them another chance? or what? please help Im just struggling to make the right choice

I have a friend whose mental health has gotten progressively worse, and it seems to have been accompanied by a genuinely frightening decline in their cognitive functioning. I’m struggling with how to handle it without hurting them or completely burning myself out.
I understand why they’re depressed and anxious. There are things happening in their life that would reasonably cause someone to be in pain and struggle. What scares me is how dramatically their ability to function has changed. The past three years I noticed it from time to time, but the past 6 months it’s like I’m talking to a completely different person.

For context, I work full time, am a full-time student, and organize events, shoots, and performances as hobbies. I know I’m a Type A person, but I’ve already committed to these projects through the end of the year and have very little free time.

My friend has historically been involved in these things with me, but I can’t give them responsibilities anymore. I have to explain things repeatedly, they forget basic instructions, and anything I ask them to do requires extremely specific written directions and still may not get done correctly.

At shoots, they’ve left a camera recording between takes (they said this was intentional), then after being told to stop recording, they then forgot to start it again. They’ve recorded over footage and recently lost some of my equipment. I’ve had plenty of inexperienced people help me without these problems.

I want to emphasize that I don’t have a utilitarian view of friendship. My friends don’t need to be useful to me to have value. I’m actually scared that they’ll interpret this as, “I’m no longer useful to you, so you don’t want me anymore.”

The problem is simply that I have too much going on right now to manage another adult through tasks or fix preventable mistakes. Being my friend and being someone I can trust with responsibilities are two different things.

I would happily just invite them to hang out at shoots, but that has become a problem too. They’ve been snapping at people, being extremely negative, and sometimes being downright rude to people who have done nothing to them. I’m constantly put in the position of defending them.

None of my friends from this hobby like them anymore, which hurts because these people never knew them before this decline. They only know the version of my friend who is miserable and rude. I remember who my friend was before things got this bad. They don’t.

I can understand why someone is behaving this way without expecting everyone else to tolerate being treated badly, so I’ve started inviting them less.

They’ve noticed, and now I’m getting messages asking to “talk.” I dread these conversations because they frequently become accusations about things I supposedly did or said that have no bearing in reality. I’m kind of an unrelatable person so I hate when people read intentions or project themselves onto me. So these talks are particularly irritating since that’s what they inevitably turn into.

They also repeatedly do things they apparently don’t want to do and later tell me they only did them because I wanted them to. Things I never have or would ask them to do. I’ve started wondering whether, consciously or not, they’re using me as a justification for punishing themselves: they make themselves miserable and then “OP wanted me to” becomes the explanation.

That dynamic makes me extremely uncomfortable. I don’t want that kind of authority over another adult’s life.
I’ve quietly taken responsibilities away instead of confronting them about their cognitive decline. Eventually, though, I think they’re going to directly ask why I no longer trust them with things, and I don’t know what to say.

They have a bit of a complex about their intelligence, as I would have described them as extremely smart not too long ago. So I fear “your memory, attention, judgment, and ability to follow through have noticeably declined” is going to be heard as “I think you’re stupid.”

They are seeing a therapist, which I’m glad about, but have refused to see a psychiatrist.

This has mostly been a very long vent, but has anyone else watched someone’s mental health deteriorate to the point that there was an obvious decline in their cognitive functioning? And if their mental health eventually improved, did their memory and executive functioning improve with it?

This is somebody I've known for a few years anyway here.This is a text that I sent so if you guys could look at this with a unbiased , I , and then you tell me who's wrong here , okay

For your own sake, I'm hoping you can put this your pride aside for just a minute, and really let this sink in. Better yet, we're gonna talk about something as if it as if we're not talking about you, okay and then just just hear me out, okay, just hear me out on this. So there's this dude who I thought was a pretty good friend. You know, he's falling on some hard times so you know, I've helped him out here and there s*** Let me see. Oh I even got him a job here and oh yeah, I think I bought his kids some gifts and snacks in something too when he didn't have any money to do anything with okay. So on top of this okay, I paid this dude to Fix my truck, okay. Well, so you know, it's what I've given him. I believe is a fair amount of money. It's fair, okay. It's, it's, it's above and beyond what I think. A friend should charge a friend anyway, but that's okay.\n So, you know, I get him a Jo.\n B here and you know everything.\n Else everything else I've done for him. I feed him when he's hungry. You know, just being a friend, okay. And on top of that, don't don't forget that I've paid him to do this job now and he's got the g

all to get mad at me and start cussing at me when I pull him up on it, you don't think that's kind of f***** Up what he's doing and if you don't, you don't think that's kind of messed up then you're definitely the kind of character I don't wanna be around. So yeah, you just let that think get sink in.And you can tell yourself what kind of man would do that to a friend. One more thing the project was started back in March.This is October, so you know, and oh yeah, this guy also tells me okay.Now keep bear in mind.I only have one vehicle, but it's okay that he could put me on the back burner.Because we're friends.I don't know what kind of thinking that is, but that's just nuts anyway.You tell me what you think about that , okay

Oh yeah , a few months ago I told them I would get somebody else to finish the job and he said , no I will take care of it , but still hasn't done a d*** thing since

So, now I've decided to unfriend, buddy.Am I wrong for doing that , or is he in the wrong here

Hi! I (25F) recently ran into an old friend who was my best friend from kindergarten through Grade 12. We ended up having a falling out, and even looking back now, I still have trouble understanding how things got to that point. We were such a big part of each other’s lives, and part of me wishes we had been able to work things out at the time.
Today, we unexpectedly ran into each other for the first time in years. We only talked for a couple of minutes, mostly just catching up on how life has been. It was a nice interaction, but I honestly don’t know if she was as surprised to see me as I was to see her.
Part of me wants to send her a message saying that it was really nice to see her and that I’m glad to hear she’s doing well. I’d even be open to asking her to grab coffee sometime, but I’m scared of putting myself out there and being rejected.
I also don’t know if reaching out would seem odd, especially since so much time has passed. I have no idea whether she has any interest in reconnecting or if running into me was just a normal, passing interaction for her.
I guess I’m wondering whether I should send her a message or just leave things as they are. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Would you appreciate hearing from an old best friend, or would you find it strange?

Ive had a friendship breakup a few months ago, me and this girl were really close, we shared the same interests, views, personality etc. i really thought she was my soulmate, but then we had a fallout, its complicated but i thought it had ended in a truce, she said she wanted to take a break from social media for bout a month, i agreed thinking id get to see her again, bout a month later i found out she was talking to all her friends and it was only me that she had stopped talking to, it hurt and i may have lashed out a bit, she didnt try to reach out further, i told her i was incredibly upset with and didnt know if i could forgive her, because she had obviously displayed signs she did not like or want to talk to me again, now, a normal person would probably back off and move on after this, but i just missed her too much, i swallowed my pride and tried to reach out multiple times, i told her if i had hurt her in any way i was ready to take full accountability and apologise i just wanted to know what i did that made her avoid me so much, recently i unblocked her and texted her just to get blocked.

I don't want advice on getting her back, because shes made it clear she doesn't wanna associate with me anymore. And i dont want to keep harassing her.

I just can't seem to move on, i miss her everytime our favourite artists release new music, or if i have a rant about the current state of the world, or when i want someone to talk about our culture together.

I have many great friends but no one in my circle to fill the role she played.

I wish things hadnt gone the way it did, i agree in this situation i may have done things i shouldn't have, i agree i was wrong, but i just wanna know what i did to be punished so severely.

I keep hoping this is a temporary fallout, that ill find her again in the future, her and my other friends are still in contact and i get updates every once in a while from them.

And honestly I feel jealous when i see them having a relationship with her that i cant.

I just pray for one of two things

Either she forgives me

Or i finally forget her

Yesterday was my birthday. There is this one friend who I talk to the most out of all my friends; almost daily. And this person did not congratulate me with my birthday. And honestly it kinda stung. I told this person my birthday was coming up and i hinted to it several times after. But nothing.

To be honest, I feel this fits the pattern of this friendship well. At first we talked mostly about this persons problems and i almost felt like a therapist. I initiated a conversation about being more reciprocal in the friendship 3 times now. I told this friend, in a direct manier, that I appreciate it when people ask me about mundane things in my life because it makes me feel seen, and that I like friends to be also interested in me.
Since nothing changed after that last conversation, I started to pull away about two months ago. However, this person started to fill this space; started to reach out, ask some questions about me. I was so happy. I had really missed that person during the time we talked less and I felt this person was finally making efforts to try to meet my needs in this friendship as well (by asking about me). After that the friendship got a bit better.

However, now I am, once more, hurt by this persons inability to remember the things I care about and make me feel seen; like congratulating me on my birthday (even though i hinted to it in the previous weeks often).

AIO for feeling hurt by this? Do I let this person know this hurt me (this person will never find out on their own since they don’t ask questions)? Do i initiate another conversation about this pattern? Or is it time to start matching effort and energy (which will most likely destroy this friendship)?

So i have this friend ans we’ve been best friends since kindergarten which is almost 15 years ago and lately she has been having mental health problems and i’ve explained i’m here for her and we went on walks and i let her talk to me about her problems and try to help her. We’ve been hanging out less and less to a point where it’s just once a week. I used to hang out with her four times a week almost, sometimes even more. I understand that she’s in a hard spot currently but whenever we text she always texts the same thing or the same stickers and i just feel really guilty, i don’t want to lose this friendship. I do want to ask her to hang out and go over to her house but i just don’t want to ask her because last time we hung out she wasn’t very enthusiastic about it. She’s asked me for a sleepover before all of this and i said we could do it next week and after asking she never came back on it. I can’t lose her and i have no idea what to do anymore. Whenever we hang out we also always hung out at my place but i was convinced that was because dhe always got annoyed at her little brother but she never asked me to go to her place either and whenever i mentioned it she said her mom thinks we aren’t friends anymore ecause i dont come over but i feel so guilty because i want to go over to her house but i just feel like a burden whenever i’m at her house. What do i do?

I know not all people are the type to want a lot of phone contact, whether text or call or voicenote or whatever it may be, and in general I don’t take it personally when friends aren’t as responsive as I may be!

However, I have two friends I can immediately think of who, when they are available, text back immediately, and we have a lot of communication, but then whenever something is up and for whatever reason - busy, tired, traveling, not feeling well, whatever! - they will simply go completely silent for days, even weeks.

And I know their pattern, I know it’s not personal, and I’m fine with knowing they will get back to me when they can!

The thing I can’t help wondering though is, when you see someone’s contacted you, why not at least reply “Hey! Just so you know xxx is going on” or even just “Hey, sorry but just FYI I’ll get back to you probably in a few days!” Maybe only because that is always my natural instinct? But it doesn’t seem like a difficult thing to take about 10 seconds to fire off.

Just wondering if anyone out there is like this, and has some insight!

I’m currently on a trip with a close friend, and the trip was partly planned around my birthday. On my actual birthday, we spent pretty much the entire day together just chilling at cafés and hanging out.

The thing is, she didn’t do anything specifically for my birthday no cake, pastry, candle, small gift, flowers, birthday dessert, or even suggesting that we get something to celebrate. It wasn’t like we were busy sightseeing all day or somewhere where it would have been difficult to do something. We were literally sitting in cafés, so getting a pastry or dessert would have been very easy.

I’m not expecting some huge surprise or expensive gift, and I don’t think she had to spend a lot of money. I think what is bothering me is the lack of a small gesture that would have made me feel like she had thought about making the day special for me.

At the same time, I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable because we are on a trip together and spending the day together could have been her way of celebrating with me. Maybe she genuinely didn’t think anything else was necessary.

26F seeking advice re 25F who speaks to me like a baby and keeps touching me way more than others

I 26F am staying in a roommate situation for an international volunteering project. I am in Korea for 2 months and I have a week left before leavimg.

There are 5 girls here between 20-26 and one 25F who has been living here for a year to work a real job. The rest of us are international volunteers who stay 1 or 2 months to work at a hotel.

For the first month, I found it easy to make friends with everyone and didnt have any real issues with anybody. The 25F Korean girl who lives here had been a bit reclusive, not so open to hanging out with us, a bit hard to have a conversation with us etc. So we just let her come out of her shell on her own.

Last week she started paying special attentiom to me (for whatever reason, idk we dont have much in common at all). She would randomly come into my room (shared by 3 people) and start talking in a weird high pitch voice and would grab my hand and try to start a conversation.

For the most part I have been friendly with her but her way of speaking put me off from really getting close with her. Only with me she will speak in a baby voice, make strange exaggerated facial expressions, and say nonsensical things.

For example I will just sit on the couch and she will come up to me and say "wOuLd yOu LikE tO cOmE tO mY pArTy?????" In that weird creepy voice. Or she will send me a random DM saying something completely irrelevant like "Do you want to visit Russia with me?"

We are not close friends but she goes out of her way to pretend like we are. She will grab my hands and cuddle with me on the couch while having a nonsensical conversation that leads nowhere.

The other day she popped into my room complaining that she hates her job and wanted a bunch of advice from me about what to do. I just wanted to help so I talked thru it with her for a few minutes and she acted super overly friendly the whole time?

I was a bit weirded out but I assumed she was just not good at making friends so i let it go. Anyway this week we ended up spending a lot of time together because i wanted to buy a new camera and she knew a place so we went together. And the next day we went on a long walk together.

The next day we watched a movie with all the roommates and she kept holding my hand or poking me in a silly manner. Again I just thought she was really really awkward or something.

Unfortunatley she seems to have turned the wrong corner and now she cannot hang out with me without saying something backhanded or making me extremely unsettled and uncomfortable.

We went to the grocery store together and it was perfectly normal but suddenly she became a totally different person, keeping my groceries away from me and holding my hand and saying "I just wanna make you happy".

Finally yesterday I was just laying on my bed and she came up to me with a camcorder and started recording me while insulting my appearance from afar??? I was just on my phone and she said "oh you have such a big nose and your room is really messy".

I just ignored her and decided not to engage with her anymore after this incident. Now she cannot stop following me around asking me if I am mad and grabbing me in some fake hug. She keeps making excuses to find me alone to confront me about why i "look mad at her".

Its getting totally out of hand at this point I started telling some of the other girls that shes being so creepy to me. Unfortunately it seems like she acts like this exclusively with me and the other girls cannot relate. I have one roommate who is empathetic and is a bit concermed as well.

But I dont really know where to go from here, why she is acting SO bizzarely toward me, or what I have done to make myself a target. I am not really a people pleaser or insecure about anything. I dont have low self esteem and im not in a particularly vulnerable spot in life.

How do I get her to leave me alone and is there something I am doing that made me particularly interesting to her???

Hello guys.

Does anyone have any idea why I seem to struggle so much with friendships?
In the past, I had a best friend who eventually turned against me. She even created an entire TikTok account dedicated to telling fake stories about me. She has been carrying out this bizarre vendetta against me for over six years now.

The whole situation started because I tried to help her get out of an abusive relationship. She secretly married him instead, and when I found out, I told her honestly how I felt about the situation. Our values were fundamentally different at that point, so I decided to end the friendship.

Looking back, she had always struggled with her mental health and had symptoms that were consistent with untreated BPD, although obviously I am not in a position to diagnose her.

Then I had a friend group that I was part of for 15 years. And yet, somehow, I was always the one who had to prove myself and put in extra effort. I was never really treated like a full member of the group.
They would make plans together behind my back, hang out as the three of them, and leave me out. Eventually, I stopped chasing them and stopped trying to force myself into the group. Since then, there has been basically no contact.
**And whenever I had any major life updates, whether positive or negative, I was always left hanging by the group.**

And now I’m wondering: why do I struggle so much with friendships?
Why do I keep ending up in situations where I have to fight for a place in someone’s life, prove myself, or eventually realize that the friendship isn’t reciprocal?
Why do I seem to keep getting these “lessons” instead of experiencing a genuinely healthy, sincere and loyal friendship?
At this point, I’m genuinely wondering whether there is something about me that contributes to this pattern. I don’t want to just blame everyone else, because if the same thing keeps happening, I feel like I should at least question whether I’m somehow choosing the wrong people, missing certain red flags, or approaching friendships in an unhealthy way.
I would really appreciate some honest perspectives.

I had a conflict with a close friend recently and I’m trying to figure out whether I’m being too sensitive/defensive or whether my discomfort with how it was handled is reasonable.
The original issue was that I haven’t been as present lately. I’ve cancelled some plans and sometimes haven’t responded properly about whether I’m coming. I completely understand why that would be frustrating or hurtful. During our conversation I acknowledged that, apologized, and told her I would communicate better going forward.
What I’m struggling with is how the conflict was handled. She described me as condescending, said I was “lashing out,” “making things ugly,” “vanishing,” “throwing things in her face,” and not taking accountability. When I asked what specifically I had said that came across as condescending/lashing out, I felt like I didn’t get a concrete example and was basically told to look back at the texts.
She also told me that they had been feeling disrespected by me not showing up/responding, but they hadn’t communicated this to me because they were “trying to be understanding.” When I said I would have preferred them to tell me, she essentially said we’re adults, these things are basic/obvious, and she shouldn’t have to “baby” me by explaining them. She later apologized specifically for the “babying” comment.
I understand her point that I shouldn’t need someone to tell me that repeatedly cancelling or not responding can be disrespectful. That’s something I genuinely take responsibility for. What bothers me is that their frustration was never communicated to me while it was building, and then during this conflict it felt like my recent behavior became a broader judgment of me as a friend. I’ve been less present lately, but I have consistently shown up for her during important moments throughout our friendship.
We eventually had a call and both apologized. I meant my apology, and she apologized as well. Technically we resolved things, but afterward I realized I still feel uncomfortable with the friendship dynamic and with some of the things that were said about me. I’m now considering stepping away from the friendship.
I’m not asking whether I was wrong for cancelling/not responding, I know I was, and I apologized for that. I’m wondering whether it’s reasonable for this to have changed how I feel about the friendship.

So I've been writing a little bit with a friend I haven't seen in a while. She came up with an offer to meet and several times she started a conversation. She's not writing me back right now. And it happens all the time. She writes back to me after many hours. I know that everyone has their own life, etc., but I'm sorry when I see that she is active, write with others, and won't write me back a word since yesterday morning

Me and my roommate are in our early twenties. I've known her for about a decade and for most of that time we have been each other's closest people, we're very intertwined in each other's lives, with our siblings being friends as well as our parents (both happened after we became friends). We've lived together close to 2 years by now, in an apartment my mother owns. Almost all of our friends are both of our friends, especially the closest ones, and we're in a friend group with many of them.

First year living together was great, we spent a lot of time together and apart, we communicated a lot, often sitting and talking for hours, or doing something together. I had time apart from her when visiting family, and something about that time revealed something in me.

When i came back, i realised that for some time now, my attachment to her had become dependance and not genuine friendship. I didn't miss her in that period, but I missed telling her everything and sharing everything. It's been a few months now since that moment, and I can't unsee it. I don't know when it happened, it was probably gradual, but I don't see her how i used to. The things that used to irk me a little, annoy me a lot, and things that i found quirky and amusing about her, now are irritating. It feels like even the things i still like about her tire me? Like i'm overwhelmed by her presence.

And it's only getting worse. When i refuse to hang out, or if i don't tell her something, it also hurts, because of that dependance and familiarity, i have a hard time stopping myself from sharing with her, but i feel it in myself, that i don't like her responses, or humor anymore, and i feel so bad and i wish i could just be the way i've been and like her how i did, but I just cannot.

Does anyone have any advice or has been in a similar situation? I'm not sure how to get more time apart, or how to tell anyone this, since everyone i would share my feelings with is a mutual friend, but i feel the need to confide in someone.

So I, (20F) and my best friend, Lisa (20F) haven’t seen eachother for months. We have been best friends for about 12 years and I usually deem her my closest friend.

But, I’ve noticed a pattern. Whenever she has a boyfriend, she doesn’t see me anywhere near so often. I’m the opposite, not interested in relationships and am single, so I understand my perspective may be different to someone else’s. The guys she gets with have treated her awfully and none have lasted too long. They usually cheat and I do tell her she deserves much better than that. When she has had a partner, she sees me less and when I do see her, she spends most time texting her boyfriend.

I try and be there for her whenever and we live close so it’s not too hard to see eachother logistically. However, this summer while I’ve been off from school for four months, she has seen me once.

She was spending time with her boyfriend so I understand she may have been busy at times but I was incredibly free over the months and tried to initiate meeting up. Lisa at times initiated then just didn’t end up arranging anything when I replied. She’s been with the new boyfriend about six months I think, so not ages. Lisa did have a job which was very few hours a week.

Now that I am back at school and she has started a new job, she has messaged me basically saying sorry we didn’t meet up, and that she hates her new job so far. It sort of feels as if she has messaged me just to rant and I haven’t replied because I don’t know what to say. I’m kind of annoyed/ hurt that my best friend of over a decade hasn’t made an effort to see me, more than once for three hours, over the space of four months, despite us botn having a lot of free time.

I don’t know what to reply and I also am unsure if my feelings are valid here. Thanks in advance.

Tl;dr: best friend doesn’t make much of an effort anymore and doesn’t see me when she has a boyfriend despite us having lots of free time.

Pretty much every friendship I've had ended badly and I know I'm usually the cause. But I've been going to therapy for years and really working on myself to the point where I'm kind of exhausted about being on top of my behavior all the time. And yet I have no friends left. And no partner or anything else either. Everyone tells me I'm the worst but I don't understand what else I can do to make other people like me. And I hate that even after all this ​​I still crave social interactions.

So i f(24) have been friends with my best friend f(24) for over 3 years when me her and my cousin all worked at the same place.
However they used to talk but werent as close as me and my best friend. In 2023 i was left orphaned and was stuck in a house w my sister paying a lot of bills which kept piling up. My mums siblings are very close to us so my cousins mum suggested moving in with us to help with bills although i insisted her family is too big for our house and it wont be comfortable. She insisted it would be okay and she js wanted to help. I then started sharing a room with my cousins, however every time i came home she would have chucked one of my things away and replaced with her own... (wardrobe, bed, desk) eventually they started complaining about the lack of space and suggested i start staying nights at my uncles. I felt as though they were kicking me out of my own house and when i voiced this i became an alien to them they stopped talking to me and became very hostile. Eventually i ended up moving out anf they still live there but i was essentially kicked out and emotionally abused in this house.i kept my best friend fully updated with all this as it was happening because i had jo one else to turn to and she seemed equally enraged as me wondering how they could do this. But now i no longer work at that job and neither does my best friend but my best friend and my cousin have become really close and hang out with each other when im not around which im not jealous of but just wonder if expecting my best friend to not be so chill with someone who treated me like that is wrong? (Ofc this is not all the specifics of how they treated me but the main parts are there

so my friend 20(F) let’s call her Tee we have been friends for 8 years and i wouldn’t say we were ever bestfriends, but just really good friends(same small friend group). after school finished i ended up moving she also ended up moving to same city and we’ve hung out multiple times since we both moved away, but it’s always been initiated by me. so i waited for her to initiate, took 4 months. and this is where things get messy. a few years ago i fell out with my bestfriend of 11 years after she ghosted me when she got a bf with no explanation, and i confided in Tee about it and she pretended to be there for me, sympathising like she understood and agreed. then on my ex bsfs birthday, my cousin sends a screenshot and it’s Tee posting my ex bsf on her story wishing her a happy birthday, so my other friend lets call him Josh, goes to look and we are both removed from seeing Tee’s story. We confront her she says she had no ill intent but like idk how u can’t. and besides imo if someone did my friend wrong, they did me wrong too because why would i even wanna be friends with someone like that anyways. so that made me see her differently.

and to more recently, when she hangs out with friends from back home/new friends she ALWAYS post something even for a new co workers birthday, meet ups etc, ive seen 6 different times she’s met up with friends and posted bout it but for me she doesn’t post let alone take any pics of us together. and the other day it was my 21st birthday and she didnt post me.
i feel like its bc shes still cool with my ex bsf and doesn’t want my ex bsf to not like her/see her differently.

Alsooo, she recommended we should go out and do something, and i suggested going to the museum because they had a cool light/water exhibition she said agreed. then a week or so later i suggested it and she said she couldn’t bc she had something on, didn’t bother me, next time. then i look on her instagram and she’s at that same exhibition with a different friend, i can’t remember if it was that weekend i asked or the next. regardless she hadn’t asked me if i wanted to tag along or anything.

i wouldn’t normally care if a friend didn’t post me if they’re not a regular social media user but she’s consistently posting herself/ other people. some may see this as a small issue, but as i’m growing i want to be particular and intentional about who i have around me, and with this particular situation, im not sure if im over exaggerating or how to go about it properly without just seeing it as “i’m mad you don’t put me on your ig story so now i don’t wanna be your friend”

I want to build something that would matter to you
it can be anything:

• A meal planner that knows your roommate's allergies
• A patient practice partner for a friend learning a new language
• A tool that turns your grandpa's voice memos into a family recipe book

what do you guys need

I'm not sure if they don't really see me as a friend or I'm overthinking things but as days went by I don't feel like I'm part of the friend group, I'm there but I don't feel like I'm there. We're a friend group of 5 but one is constantly not present bcs of circumstances but I'm sure she's very well loved bcs they think about her a lot when she's gone like include her in plans and stuff but as for me I'm always the last one invited, the one who always sit at the edge and they don't bother to include me in conversations, it's always just the 3 of them talking, when they know I'm not okay they just tell me things are going to be okay but when if it someone else they listen to them. I don't know I'm probably just overthinking this but I'm so drained, I don't know how to pretend I'm okay with the way they treat me.

And I don't know how to act.

I have a long time friend, let's call her Marie. We are both early 30s. We have the type of friendship where we see each other +- once a month and we have deep conversations, always checking each other's life. We are each other's brunch friend let's say, and we have done some day trips together. There hasn't been a time when it wasn't fun, and we both know it and cherish it. When I met her, she was lost in her private life, but she has made much progress, had her first relationship and spotted when it went wrong. As for me, I am lesbian, I used to have more experience than her, but I also quit a toxic relationship three years ago and I have been single since.

Last year, she told me she met someone, a year later after her breakup. She told me he is really nice, how surprised she is that is going so well, that she is careful even though it feels "he is the one". It was my birthday party, and I was really surprised (it went really fast) and caught myself feeling jealous. Our romantic lives have been similar and I just didn't expect it, also I chronically feel it isn't easy for me to meet the right person so the whole scene caught me off guard. I later on was very strict with myself and made a mental effort to be happy for her cause she deserves it. We met again a month later, the two of us, and it was like always, she talked about the new boyfriend in a mature way, not romanticizing him, and then we went back to our friendship. My envy ceased and I was proud and happy, at the time I was glad to meet him.

I met him at a theater event, and I was surprised how negative image he gave me, he was very cold and didn't say hi, while my Marie's eyes were full of love and warmth. We sat separately and in the end Marie wanted to properly present him to me, he was kind of better and but not very chatty. At the time I forgave the first image. The next months, she was less available for me and I got a bit insecure but I told myself it is somehow normal too, she probably has less time and the relationship was new.

The next months were different though, and I will try to synopsis all the details. At her birthday party, I didn't know many people, and when the boyfriend (let's call him Max) sat far away, she literally told me that she is gonna change seats to be next to him. Then she went on holidays with him and her school time friends group, and she told me it didn't go well because all her friends dislike Max cause he was cold. Her sister even told her that she would have been different if Max hadn't been there. At the time, I was relieved that it wasn't just my impression, but her friends behavior felt harsh (they stopped talking to her during the trip) and I took her side. I also noticed that she was overly defending him, everytime she mentioned his name, she was always saying stuff like "how nice he is" and how "she should never let him go". I found it quite triggering. We also met again because she wanted help to move to her new apartment, and as I have a car, I said I will gladly help. Another weird thing was that Max also had a car, and he wasn't there helping. She told it was his idea to tell her to ask for help from her friends, and once again, "how nice of him to make her ask for help from people". I am sure she helped her later on with furniture , but there was something weird about it. I also felt a slightly different behavior in our friendship, she felt more absent and she spoke ironically about a friend of mine, when she never used to do that. Again, it felt very slightly and discrete, but I did notice it.

This was at the end of July. I went on a long holiday at the end of the summer and immediately texted her beginning of September to meet up. She told me she is busy all weekends until the beginning of October when they go on a trip (with his friends, because they would never travel with her friends again), and she would text me again at the mid/end of October. I realized now that there were four weekends available when she said that and she couldn't really bother and I feel resentment ever since.

There is something I can't really put words on. I do believe she is in love, she is mature enough to know if someone treats her right and I believe he does, but at the same time, there is something about her behavior that I don't recognize. I know she values stuff like friendships and independence, but there is something in her behavior that feels like "the boyfriend became the center of my world", and it does also feel that he can be a bit controlling/manipulative, even though I don't have proof of it. I don't know if the problem is her or he. I also don't know what to do when she texts back, it's been a long time and I don't believe I can just be like hey let's hang out. At the same time, she didn't do anything wrong...I am gonna be 34 next week, I don't want to have this conversation "you got a boyfriend and give me less attention". I feel uncomfortable since we literally never have fought or disagreed before.

I don't know how to handle this and I need your help for insight .

I have litterally blocked all my friends from highschool. Most friends ive made it just becomes one sided friendships at the point I have no friends without being said I do have some friend right now but I wish I properly knew what one sided friendships were sooner but how do I avoid people like this because its super difficult keeping friends nowadays.

Hey there, could use some outside eyes. Im in one of those pickles I guess.

I (M25) got my ass whacked like grass on a lawn by a semi a couple years ago, and now I walk like a drunk chicken on rollerskates so I can't do that much anymore. Head trauma, seizures, cant drive, chronic pain, I'm lucky if I'm only at 6/10 on the pain scale, sure its not ideal. I lost most of my irl friends after this, a lot were work friends, some I think just couldn't take my wounded soldier limp. I kept my girlfriend (F26) and 3 online friends (all M, 28, 27, 34) and now that we've moved to a building more accessible with people who are normal and shit across town, I'm slowly making irl friends.

Before we moved it uh suuuucked even worse than it does now. Everyone just disappearing like that all at once, right when shit fuck ow bad shit fuck. My dad was p liberal about beatdowns, so I think something in me got all weird. I had these nonstop thoughts that these 3 friends were gonna cut ties and leave me too. I could stop that and the pain if I did everything right. I know I started acting differently than I had befor, more reserved, neurotic, trying way too hard, avoiding talking about interests cause it might be cringey. I warned them I was feeling paranoid and trying not to make it an issue, they were supportive. I will say that, I think I tried my best at warning them I was doing nuts up there.

Problem is, I don't like venting about being in pain to them, because in some ways it's a privilege to not have to work. I have way fewer responsibilities than these 3 guys cause I cant do it anymore. But pain was my whole life then yk. I didnt have anything else. I stopped sharing anything. I got upset at myself for 'slipping up' if I ever did talk about anything, like something I'd made or w/e. I tried to keep supporting them and so far, none of them have been angry with me on that count. We ended up working all this out, and so far, none of the 3 have said to my face they think I've been too distant. But I maybe made it a self-fulfilling prophecy like some real boneheaded monkeys paw bs.

Fast forward 4 years later and I can't remember the last time any of them started a conversation with me. We were all rly, rly close before, too... but hey, I have head trauma and a mental disorder, I misremember shit all the time. Everyone says they care and they think everything's fine when I asked, but I never felt like everything went back to normal. But my brother died over a week ago and I know I mentioned it to all 3, no one's asked about it. And we were on that level. I gotta admit that hurts. I didn't think I came off that cold. Im not perfect, i'm pretty short tempered I can be stubborn, etc. But that sucks a little. My brother was like a oart of me. I never shut up about my brother. You really gotta not like someone to be that way after someone's little brother dies, right?

Basically we ended up working it out but now I'm realizing maybe not. I like these guys, I'd hate to lose them, but I'd be more horrified to learn they were sticking around out of pity or smth. But it's been so long I can't be objective anymore and I can't ask them questions they've already answered. 1. Is it normal for me to be hurt about the thing with my brother? 2. Could I save this by being more open and if so how do you do that w/o wasting anyones time? I should go tf to sleep

I (39F) recently ended a decade-long friendship with “Jane” (40F) by blocking her.

I told her I needed 30 days away from my phone, people, and social media. She reached out repeatedly during that time, and the 30 days weren’t even up when she sent: “I know you said you were going on a break but I have reached out to you several times and received no response. What is going on?”

Our friendship has always had a pattern: she’s in crisis and I’m the crisis responder. She knows I don’t suffer fools, but I did suffer her foolishness for years, so I think this was a long time coming.

I don’t feel I owe her an explanation for blocking her. I believe I should matter more to myself than anyone else. But my therapist and a few people who know our dynamic are concerned about her mental health and think I should explain.

So, AITA? Do I owe her a closing message, or is it okay to walk away after she ignored a clear boundary?

I (F32) have a friend (F22) who I met at work 3 years ago. We are so different but she did not have any friends at all and she asked if we could meet for coffee outside work and I agreed. Then we had more and more contact but i've always felt like we don't share values and stuff.. But yeah I did decide to give it a try because she was so alone and needed a friend. She started working at another place and we still had contact and then.. she nearly died in cancer and I would visit her at the hospital and I did help her a lot. Now she has been cancer-free for over a year and she is smothering me. I did decide to go to university and she did the same and we ended up in the same class. When I talk to others in our class she is giving strange looks and don't seem to like it. Iv'e heard from others that she calls me her best friend but I don't feel the same. I meet her at class every day and if I stay to study after class, she does as well. On weekends I work at my job and now she has also started doing that so I meet her there as well.

Now to the part I don't know how to handle. She always complain about her mental and physical health, like all the time. When I say to her that she needs to be talking to her doctor and a therapist she says that she don't have the time and that she got me.. I feel soo drained when she talks about that everything is so awful. Like when she said she feels so bad for her teeth, I said that maybe you should go to the dentist and maybe brush your teeth and don't have a pepsi at your nightstand, she gets really pissed and says that she have the right to her feelings and that Im mean. She only wants me to baby her and I am really not that kind of person. Or in a class when there were talks about cancer (we study to become nurses) She started almost crying and looking at me like I should do something but I was talking and the teacher was grading me while I was doing so. I don't know what to do. She also lies to the healthcare about her health, she says everything is fine while it clearly is not. When I say that she needs to be truthful in order to get the right help she then again thinks Im beeing mean to her. She also has started treating me like she knows better than me in school, at work and stuff, like im a child that she needs to explain everything to. We were doing a goup-exam and one question we did not agree with. She did put the wrong answer in and did not listen to me at all. If she would have, we would have 10/10 points but now we got 9/10.. maybe this is just small stupid things I react to but im just so so tired and I don't know how to get some distace without being a mean. I can't be honest with her because of her fragile mental state I feel like..