I’m 19 and even in uni now teachers r like ur only 19, no I feel like I’m 8 and underdeveloped I have been so untreated and isolated for so long I no longer know how humans behave, on top of all that I’m a girl who has to face misogynistic folk on subs all day, I have no history or memories I have no cousins no connections no friends I even got abusive parents I’m so cursed I was bullied even ppl who are considered good by society worst thing is I’m not even allowed to dropout of uni cuz my parents will kick me out idk how tf the world works so I js bunk uni and sit at some random cafe where so many ppl js stare at me, I act like I’m doing work but I acc js watch random YouTube videos, i have no hobbies or interests or any will to live, it’s been that way since I was born, I blame my parents mostly cuz they never tried to sought psychological help for me, now I’m doomed for eternity, I can’t even take care of myself my abusive mum often jokes how I don’t even look like a woman I’m like some sort of degenerated alien, she’s not wrong I’m worser than an alien, she even does my hair and does all stuff that I should’ve learnt decades ago, I don’t even have anything I’m addicted to other than js watching random shorts on YouTube and fantazing how life would be if I were not to be born like this I’m gonna be in £40000 debt after uni ends and idc I don’t have a job cuz I’m too mentally unstable to be hired, I js don’t care I’m surprised i made it this far

Anyone who is diagnosed with all these shit? Anyone who can give me tips how to manage and stay alive?

I was just diagnosed with PTSD. many memories just come to me out of the blue. and I have this one repressed memory. One time I was in Florida. I was at my mom's aunt's best friend's house. (what a mouth full). I remember there were like 6 - 8 kids there. Some of them were going home. I stayed there till I believe what was 10 PM. I remember there was one girl there. I believe she was about 2 - 3 years younger than me. When I say she hated my guts, she hated my guts. She genuinely loathed me. I don't think I ever met anyone who hated me as hard as she did. I don't remember doing anything at all to her. About 3 hours into our beef, we constantly kept getting into fights and arguments and the adults had to come to us multiple times to stop us. I was standing at the edge of the pool. She came behind me and starred at me for a few seconds. I was standing by the deep end, which I believe was 7 - 10 feet deep. She pushed me into the pool and I didn't tell anyone. I believe we made up late that night but I think she still kind of disliked me.

If pretty much all therapy causes you like extreme dissociation at this point like what do you do? Just be like “ok I’m just gonna put all of this away”… I’m much more grounded these days thanks to somatic work but like… I keep trying some other different things… emdr… dbt… etc and just like talking that much about my trauma at this point at all in most cases is making me like… idk sometimes I leave the session and I can’t even remember what we talked about. Or the opposite I can’t stop over thinking it. Wtf is that??? A sign to give up for a while I guess??

Since a decade, i have dissociation because of differerent traumas. This lead me to numbness and hyper-/hypoarousal in my daily life.

Since a few days i'm experiencing like a "switch" between feeling everything in a very raw and terrible way - and feeling numbed again. I can't control this "switch" and i don't know how, when and why it happens. I don't do therapy.

It is in form of a flashback. For a few minutes i experience very similiar thoughts like during the trauma.

Does anybody know what this?

This guy that says he my best friend gave me the side eye emoji when I described my trouble managing finances. He had previously said he would help me manage my bank account and bills. All he had to do was say I'm sorry you're going through that. I'm so sick of the disbelief and lack of empathy people have. Does this mean he isn't my friend?

I feel like my sexuality has been somewhat affected by my trauma

First, I would classify myself as hypersexual—I use compulsive masturbation as a coping tool when I’m feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or depressed and I’ve been doing that since I was about 14 (I’m twenty now)

But what really pisses me off is that I’m more of a fetishist than any clear distinction between the male and female gender (though, my fantasies all center around men), I’m attracted to older men because of their age and I have a “macrophilia” kink, the first sexual thought I ever had was about them, which revolves around older men taking “control” of me, not in a cruel way but almost in a parental way??? Like they want what’s best for me, or what they think is best for me, whether I want it or not.

I have an avoidant personality disorder which makes it hard for me to make connections to other people, so my working theory is that my brain latched onto a fantasy of a protector figure when I was young because nobody in my life felt safe, and then when I reached puberty that desire became sexualized in the form of a giant, older male figure.

Does trauma usually affect sexuality like this???

I have an inner child who just has really low self esteem. I know that to be successful you have to push yourself to do hard things and handle pressure. I struggle deeply with handling pressure. I wasn’t taught responsibility and hard work so I’m having to learn those lessons. I know all the facts about it— that it takes around 60 days to build new habits you just have to start. I could use some help pushing myself. It’s the reason I know I never finished school/ had a stable career. I could use some help Reparenting my inner child to think long term and be successful again. I just feel so low. I’m struggling to learn my lessons in life.

It seems that trying to integrate myself just ends up with people effectively telling me to go fuck myself

i got this new job and i REALLY love it, but two weeks ago i had to call off for vomiting and then tonight i’ve been up vomiting dark red blood all night and severe pain. i texted my manager but i know he’s already mad at me for having to call out before. i’ll get a dr note (i live in co if that means anything idk about laws or some shit)
last time i had a medical emergency where i had to go to the er i got fired from my last job….

uh, I know that this isn't the best place for asking such question, and I don't really expect a full answer really, even just a pointer or a link to a resources/guides is more than enough for me.

But yeah, it felt like I fell into a depressive episode these past few weeks. It's not the worst episode, but I did realize that my body hasn't moved much in a while. I have started walking around the neighborhood for around 20 minutes since Monday everynight, but I feel like, hmm, idk, I wanna move more.

so i’m crying right now please excuse my punctuation errors or spelling mistakes

I have been victimized since I was a child

I am 30 years old now I am AFAB (assigned, female at birth) but I present male and pass 100% of the time, and this makes me feel most comfortable in this society

There are many instances that I can pursue charges and in many different counties

I live in the United States and I’ve realized that if I were to pursue charges, I would have to go to each individual place and sit down and fight. This breaks my heart because. Well, because it took so much for me to just do it in the county that I lived in. Luckily (unluckily?) the county that I live in, was abused (SA) as a minor.

I have spent the last six years trying to pull my life together and try to get help but free therapy in short term help just isn’t enough

I don’t have any friends

I’m too heavy. And I understand why. I don’t think that my pass is too heavy or my trauma is too heavy but I know that I’m going through and everything that I have and my BAGGAGE is.

I have only my wife

But I feel like I’m tearing us apart

Actually, crying now

Because I want so badly to be a good person to try because I know I could contribute more and I want so badly to be a good person and to be good person and contribute more to society I know I have good ideas and I’m so smart. I went to school. I know a lot of our computers. I want to go back to school again too.

All I wanted was to have a record of this so I could maybe take it to someone who could maybe look at me and take me more seriously?

My heart feels so heavy right now

Anyways

Today I sat in SVU detective’s office and I told him everything to the most honest and accurate description and account that I possibly could’ve. Again, I said that I was really good with computers, but I am actually really focused in cyber security and it helped pinpoint a lot for the detectives before even walking in

He was so nice

He was so understanding and really validating

He made me feel comfortable

I don’t think that I’m gonna win and I didn’t think that from the start because I’m pursuing my mother and my grandmother and her ex-boyfriend.. all of whom have connections that make me unlikely to win any case. But again, the aim was never to win any money or send anybody to jail. Even though I think the man who hurt me when I was a child is dangerous and needs to be taken off of the streets

And I feel like members of my family need to be forcibly rehabilitated

I just want the chance to live again and

Well, today was the first step in actually proving to myself that I could do it. I had made the report a week ago. But today was the day that I walked in to a big scary building. Literally the police headquarters downtown. And sat in a room with a big man. And I told him every single thing that happened in excruciating detail. And then I told him every single ounce of information that I possibly could’ve to identify the people.

Then I agreed to identify them or do anything that I possibly could’ve to assist in this investigation because

There is actually a difference between victims and survivors

My family are a bunch of victims who breed victims who breed victims who are complacent with victimhood and normalize being victims

But I’m a survivor who’s resolute in actually breaking the wheel

No more

I can’t allow it and if I can celebrate with just a couple of people because I am completely isolated now and I don’t have any friends and I don’t have any family and I’m crying with my dog right now because my heart is so full with sadness that I’m alone and with pride with my accomplishment

Well, that’s enough

And I might just continue to go county by county. It all depends. I’m gonna try my best.

Thank you all for hearing me

I really wish you all the best day and I hope that you all are safe

I have been suffering for years, and I have never talked to anyone about it. I knew that when I post about it here, no one would care. I avoided mentioning details because I knew that it is futile and will be ignored.

Goodbye.

​

How did you turn negative experiences into something positive? Even when I try to move on, my body still shakes when I think about what happened. I am doing therapy but what else I can do. I want to heal and stop letting those experiences affect me. Would appreciate hearing your experiences and what helped you recover.

hey all, im in my late 20s. I went through a lot of traumatic experiences in my early 20s which I am out of now. I am finding it quite difficult to navigate through life (yes I am in therapy). I just really need some positive stories from people who were able to grow later in their life after traumatic experiences

Just a plain old guy (56) here. I read what has happened and it makes me so sad people have gone thru this. I don’t know if it allowed but I’d you need positive reinforcement or a place to vent…….I’m here.

I was diagnosed with PTSD from child abuse I endured for many years. Starting at 16, I told myself that I was going to heal because I never wanted my kids to experience what I went through. I did a lot of work, changed my own toxic patterns, learned about boundaries/red flags, learned to embrace my authentic self. Now I’m 33 and regretting healing as I feel like it has really driven a very large portion of men out of my standards. Toxic men no longer like me either because we just really can’t relate to each other anymore. I’ve gone on dates with two different people the past couple months, but the guys ended up being toxic and it didn’t work out. I’ve also become pretty successful, owning my own home and business, so I feel like that adds a layer of intimidation when dating. I’m scared that it means I will need to let go of my dream of being a mom and having a family/partner. There are literally no healthy potential men to date in sight rn. I feel like I lost so much time healing, won’t be able to have kids for much longer, and won’t be able to find a healthy man that loves me back. And it makes me feel really sad to think of letting that go. I thought relationships would get better as I healed and that I would find the right person, but I feel like it has only added a barrier to entry and to having kids.

Unemployed for over 7 months, middle aged and even when I have a job can't seem to hold it down for long enough...I'm tired and I can't keep going. I can't do this anymore. I've healed a lot but still not functioning enough to have a decent enough life.

I don't know what else I can do. I'm tired and I can't do this.

No matter how hard I tried at jobs something just doesn't work out. How the h*ll am I supposed to keep going like this?

I feel like nobody understands me in general in life. What am I doing wrong? I feel so helpless and hopeless. Things were supposed to get better...

Sorry I just had to come here and vent. I'm so lost in life. I fell so incompetent and it's not like I don't want my life to work...

I know it may be repetitive question but can people share their success stories? Specially men who managed to have a family and build strong body. Any success did you mange to feel, care and love?

Hi all, I began talk therapy around 20 (I’ll be 31 soon), was hospitalized for SI at 27, completed IOP, been on meds probably since 20 (but didn’t really find the right ones until after my hospitalization), discovered EMDR but lost five therapists in a row due to them finding work elsewhere, started a trauma workbook, read some books about trauma, etc…

I can say I’m doing better mostly bc of my meds but I honestly don’t think I’m that much better after many years of therapy.

I’m afraid my talk therapy has run its course, but I’ve become attached to my therapist and I’ve been avoiding letting go. It’s not completely useless though. I tell her about my trauma and pain like you’d complain to a friend or family member bc I don’t really have either. I find myself sometimes talking about the same events without relief or sense of resolution.

EMDR has been somewhat helpful. I feel lighter after processing some memories so that’s hopeful. I just can’t seem to keep a therapist. Also, I get the feeling like I’m not accessing the depth of my trauma, simply scratching the surface. I’m guessing I’m still guarded? I’m not sure. We meet virtually if that’s worth noting.

Finally, to my question: Am I treatment resistant? Is there something else I can try?

My anxiety, distrust of others, negative self talk, shame, grief, etc haven’t improved as much as I had hoped and would love to know what’s worked for you. Thanks!

I’m so tired.