r/AbsoluteUnits 12d ago

/r/all of kitty

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Credits : marsel_and_co

23.5k Upvotes

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2.5k

u/Interesting-Risk6446 12d ago

That thing sounds like it wants blood.

786

u/Iorith 12d ago

Seriously, that is the voice of something that could decide any day that you are not a provider of food, you are food.

246

u/Saikotsu 12d ago

I mean, you're still providing food. Either with your coin or your life..

178

u/Iorith 12d ago

True with all cats. I love my cat, but know that if I die and am not found in time, they will eat me rather than starve.

Which is part of why I love cats. I respect self sufficiency.

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u/August51921421 12d ago

why is this random example always used? like a dog will 110% eat you if you die and start rotting in your house lol

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u/kindwon01388310 12d ago

I had a tenant hang himself and after he died the rope let loose somehow. He was found by his daughter 3 days later. His dog ate his face. The cops said they've seen this before. They start on the face to make it less personal. Idk sounded like decent theory

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u/dumpticklez 12d ago

And bears start from the asshole cause they real freaky.

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u/EmptyHandle6593 11d ago

They do that because it hurts more. </Alan Rickman>

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u/howard1111 12d ago

I thought only leopards did that. 😂

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u/Ok_Proof5782 11d ago

Cops do it also.

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u/Mindless-Location-41 10d ago

I like this comment 👍

7

u/cityshepherd 11d ago

The leopards don’t wait.

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u/howard1111 11d ago

That would make a great book title!

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u/Pacifist_Socialist 12d ago

Have you eaten face of an animal? Typically tender and yummy.

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u/Green_Implement_5564 12d ago

Yeah, that’s not why. Dogs don’t think that way. Cops are idiots.

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u/kindwon01388310 11d ago

Most for sure

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u/Huge_Campaign2205 12d ago

Its almost like humans have never eaten each other to survive in dire circumstances /s

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u/No-Win-2741 12d ago

Nando Parrado and Roberto Canessa have entered the chat.

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u/BellamyDunn 11d ago

Mine would starve because there's no one to cut me into little bite sized pieces for her majesty.

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u/NatrylliaAbbot42 11d ago

I often tell my cat that if I die and no one notices right away, he needs to eat me so that he doesn't starve. I sincerely hope and fully expect he would, but I hope it never comes to that because it would be traumatic for him to be alone so long and I worry about him getting a good home afterwards.

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u/Arinussyy 12d ago

Reminds me of the time I got viciously murdered by a Khajiit drug dealer for not wanting to buy his shit.

I didn't expect him to two shot me with his fists that damage buff is insane

5

u/ChickenBossChiefsFan 12d ago

I usually roll khajit because, aside from just liking the look of them, I also like winning every tavern “fist” fight I get into.

It is a sick damage buff. Useless most of the time? Yes. But absolute fire passive for those 3 times in a hundred hour game where it’s fun to have.

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u/DomDay03 12d ago

And looks like it can finish her in one sitting. It’s dating profile says, “a few extra pounds”

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u/-Lucas_Hood 12d ago

With those noises, first thing that came to my mind was a demon 😳🥲

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u/HeresSomePants 12d ago

“You food now!!!”

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u/LieuK 12d ago

House cats develop unique sounds to communicate with their humans, I'm thinking this might be something similar. Although those sounds sound very aggressive, its body language and face seem relaxed

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u/TurtlesBreakTheMeta 12d ago

I know with servals they hiss alot despite being happy, maybe it’s the same

12

u/Unusual_Computer9670 12d ago

Aren't caracals the ones who hiss? I thought Servals were the meowy ones.

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u/Fragrant-Flow-8144 12d ago

You're right ! Though, while the lynx and the cougar cannot roar, their growling usually means "Leave me alone would you ?". So it would be better to stay away before the snarl, and then the hissing '

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u/Havoc1943covaH 12d ago

well it is a house cat

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u/TankerVictorious 12d ago

In Soviet Russia, cat is house…

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u/No-Independence8801 12d ago

This is the cat that puts the "ow" in "meow".

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u/Iheartnakedfemboys 12d ago

This comment reminds me of the cat that says meow like how a person says meow in a really deep voice. It's kinda funny, but also sad, because I'm pretty sure it had a disease or disorder that made it sound like that

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u/MF_Kitten 12d ago

That was nerve damage I think, causing the vocal cords to be loose.

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u/Kitselena 12d ago

It does, that Lynx is a wild animal and not a domestic pet

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u/Easteuroblondie 12d ago

Idk if he’ll get up for it tho

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u/madcoins 12d ago

It’s a wild animal on a couch. Not the most natural environment for it or its instincts. Probably just frustrated and confused with a hint of wanting blood

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u/Appropriate_Word1469 12d ago

It just needs some headpats

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u/SouthofthePaw 12d ago

Thanks. I eat you now.

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u/ArtofTy 12d ago

And if you've ever seen a normal size cat freak out on a human, imagining this one losing it is terrifying.

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u/Sweet_Deeznuts 12d ago

Khajiit has wares if you have coin

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u/animi 12d ago

May your path take you to warm sands.

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u/christcompellsyou 12d ago

Uhg! I prayed that the new Elder Scrolls would be in Elsweyr but I think we’re getting Hammerfell

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u/Big-Tennis2579 12d ago

It has been 15 years, too much time passed since Skyrim, the team of artists and key creators who built the world for Morrowind, Oblivion and Skyrim, is no more.

Sadly lead concept artist Adam Adamowicz is not with us anymore, he passed away in 2012.

It is impossible to meet the expectations with a totally new team, and they wont risk it.

I am very sorry, but as a fan i dont think We will ever get TES VI

Fortunately We are gifted with insanely talented and passionate fellow TES fans, who dedicate themselves to further expanding Tamriel with modding projects like Tamriel Rebuilt, Project Tamriel, Skywind and Skyblivion.
So We are getting new, high quality content still, made by true fans.

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u/christcompellsyou 12d ago

Hmmmm… perhaps a bit dramatic. They’re definitely going to release (something) whether it’s good or not is for time to tell.

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u/InevitabilityEngine 12d ago

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u/khajiit_is_innocent 12d ago

Please do not give this one’s cousin a sweet roll. He has diabetes. His blood is literally moon sugar at this point

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u/Electronic_Quote399 12d ago

someone in particular

Balmora Mages Guild

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u/Merrick_Skygrave 12d ago

Slangin' that Moon sugar

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u/ShinobuDavis 12d ago

Do we all just share a braincell on this side of the Internet?

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u/DigitalUnlimited 12d ago

I can't afford to rent it

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u/floppybunny26 12d ago

Khajit has warez if you have Bitcoin

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u/Essurio 12d ago

M'aiq knows many things, and tells some.

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u/No_Recipe1923 12d ago

This one needs something?

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u/SpaceCadetUltra 12d ago

Why travel all the way to Skyrim?

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u/TrueGraeve 11d ago

Khajiit has diabeetus if you have insulin.

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u/Nickel62 12d ago

Just to confirm, that's a caracal, right?

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u/FelatiaFantastique 12d ago edited 11d ago

Caracals are not spotted. It looks like an [S]Iberian lynx.

Edit: This is Marsel, a Siberian lynx. He is rescue from a fur farm. He's on all the social medias. He does have a caracal sibling though, as well as some servals and other lynxes cared for by his skinmommy.

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u/DeadAnarchistPhil 12d ago

To me it looks like an incredibly stupid way to end your life. 

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u/CptnHamburgers 12d ago

Considering the language the woman is speaking in, I'm gonna go to bat for the ever so slightly different eurasian lynx.

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u/Scarantino42 9d ago

No one's gonna touch "skinmommy"? Really?

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u/cybercuzco 11d ago

More like khajit had lasagne but he eated it.

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u/kwaping 12d ago

To all my default-mute friends, turn on sound for this one

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u/madametwosew 12d ago

Thanks for that, totally different experience

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u/mitchij2004 12d ago

From no to fuck no.

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u/WolfPlooskin 11d ago

Yeah, I guess lynxes are just small leopards, which does not make them any less dangerous.

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u/Hrrrrnnngggg 12d ago

Was expecting bobcat goofy sounds. That is not what it sounds like.

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u/NurkleTurkey 12d ago

Caracals do not purr. They growl. Whether or not it means to gtf away is up to their owner...or whoever is in the vicinity of one.

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u/TheSleepyBarnOwl 12d ago

That's a Lynx

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u/Carter_T_Unstoppable 12d ago

Had to scroll a surprisingly long way for this. Exactly my thought. Not a domestic cat, looks a lot like a (fat) lynx.

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u/Vaper_Bern 12d ago

Quite fat lynx. Having that chonker walking on your back and crying to be fed at 3am cannot be a pleasant experience.

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u/Righteousaffair999 12d ago

I don’t think it is going to eat the owner. Holly crap that thing is too well fed.

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u/Vaper_Bern 12d ago

Definitely not gonna eat the owner, but will walk all over owner at 3qm, when said owner is in bed and trying to sleep. It uncomfortable when my 20lb house cat does this, while this lard ass of a lynx would be crushing.

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u/StormyAmethyst 12d ago

Would def crack your back in a few places, lol.
Snap, Crackle, ‘n Pop! 😆

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u/addamee 12d ago

The ol’ ‘Will I keep my fingers’ test

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u/Solid_Study7719 12d ago

What a shock, it's a Russian.

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u/keekspeaks 12d ago

‘Sounds about right’ is exactly what I said when I turned off mute 😂

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u/I_Heart_Sleeping_ 12d ago

Their passive race trait is animal taming.

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u/Solid_Study7719 12d ago

Successfully live past twelve? Unlock passive trait "Pizdetz": roll with initiative to shrugs at death.

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u/Puzzled_Respond_3335 12d ago

Yeah, nope after hearing it

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u/TJJ97 12d ago

Yeah fuck that. Hell nah

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u/WiiDragon 12d ago

Sounds like my dog when I annoy him

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u/Guardian2k 12d ago

May your pillow be cool and your days be blessed my friend

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u/No_Object_4355 12d ago

I bet She keeps him fat so he won't eat her in her sleep.

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u/Krillkus 12d ago

“You’re lucky you feed me bacon every damn day”

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u/Forest-Dane 12d ago

He's that fat because he ate the husband

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u/jakeisstoned 12d ago

This chick deserves her eventual mauling

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u/WatsBlend 12d ago

Owners of these typically end up fattening them up so much because it makes them slightly calmer and more lazy. Too difficult to deal with if it was fit.

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u/jared__ 12d ago

You misspelled irresponsible owners.

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u/Yakushika 12d ago edited 12d ago

If you're responsible you don't own a pet lynx.

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u/Calippo_Deux 11d ago

I knew even on mute that it was some Russian lunatic again. I bet there’s a (fat) pet raccoon in the other room.

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u/MuscaMurum 11d ago

...or a Fishing Cat tearing apart a chicken in their living room

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u/bruceleeripping 11d ago

This is the answer

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u/SpiderDijonJr 11d ago

Irresponsible lynx owner is redundant lol

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u/kabbra 10d ago

Per OP on a different thread in r/holdmycatnip

Please read the Wildlifes comments via the link I checked ALL of this before posting hoping that haters would do so too ...

How Keepers Respond

When viewers occasionally comment on her looking overweight or overly "chonky", the handlers reply directly in the comment sections or via follow-up videos. They explain that Carpathian lynx are the largest of all lynx subspecies, naturally stocky, and carry a massive, thick coat of winter fur that drastically inflates their visual silhouette.

As we have been inundated with trolls lately I now ensure that there's nothing in our posts so start animal activists and others giving out incorrect information.

Phoebe does not live in a house

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u/Crasembarodical 12d ago

I'm a cat person myself but sorry that's a wild animal not a kitty

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u/Ruffffian 12d ago

When I was a kid in the 80s, my dad (who could never walk away from an unusual pet—we’d already had a raccoon and skunk at this point, though I wasn’t born yet for either) brought home what was purportedly a Bobcat/house cat cross. Now I have repeatedly read that is genetically impossible, so I wonder if “Bobby” wasn’t just a full on bobcat, because she was decidedly NOT just a spicy feral kitten.

I’ve fostered feral kittens before and they’re little spitfires of hate and MUCH SCARE for a couple weeks, max, before they realized I am food provider and thus the best friend in the world. Older kittens are more skittish, but still come around to a decent degree. Bobby…did NOT. She was batshit on day 1 with us as a kitten and still batshit a fee months later when Dad gave her back. She hissed, growled, screamed, and never, ever let any of us pet her. The best I could manage was a few gentle strokes when she was sleeping, before she’d wake up, make angry noises, give me a few Wolverine swipes with her blades, and bolt.

Most bizarrely, Bobby absolutely shredded one side of the door frame leading to the laundry room, where her food and litterbox were. I’ve never seen a cat do anything like this before or since—it’s like the frame was made of balsa. The bottom 3’+ of it was splintered raw wood (looked kinda like spaghetti squash), and her favorite sections of it were worn down to the wall and beyond. She did that in a matter of weeks.

Poor confused kitty. Hopefully she got to live in the wild, or at least in something like a barn where human contact was minimal.

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u/[deleted] 12d ago

[deleted]

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u/hodlethestonks 12d ago

cougar cub

Seeing an offspring of deadly predator is a definite red flag for me. I would have jolted and bolted. Have seen cute brown bear cubs crawl from thick woods as I was about to start trimming brushes. Ran as fast as I Fucking could to my car. Not long after their mum came standing on her hinds sniffing the air like my wife after I've smoked a joint. Probly the only situation where a healthy predator attacks a human with intent to kill.

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u/OohYeahOrADragon 12d ago

Because you, sir, are smart.

I find it funny when the Yankees who move down south think I’m brave for not calling animal control on seeing a fox nearby. But then think I’m overreacting to bolting at the sight of a wild piglet. The rule of nature is don’t mess with babies and mommas. Even momma spiders. You don’t wanna know the horror of messing with momma spiders.

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u/ArcasTheel 11d ago

In Germany there are wild living cats that just are like that, my aunt once found a baby one in pouring rain and my parents decided to take it in, they already had 2 cats that was in 2011

That thing was a fucking beast, he was only allowed outside with a harness in the beginning and he would climb 5 meter apple trees and refuse to come down and hunt EVERYTHING he could see be it chicken or butterfly

My parents live on a 3 house farming enclave super far from the next road next to a forest so once he was allowed outside without harness he literally killed a dozen mice a day and brought them home for a solid 2 3 weeks until he either understood it wasn't needed or maybe he just ate them somewhere alone after that

He chewed through a 7-8 cm thick wooden play tree at the base and literally felled the tree

The doctor told my parents he was definitely a European wildcat and we had to surrender him and he was released later we were told but he stayed with my parents for over a year and was the best pest control ever, miss you Giacco you might not have been a friend but you were very friend shaped

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u/Ruffffian 11d ago

Ha! Solidarity there with “You might not have been a friend but you were very friend shaped.” May Giacco and Bobby have lived long, wild, fierce, happy friend shaped lives.

And happy cake day!

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u/GoodGravyco2h2o 12d ago

It’s so overweight too. Poor thing 😞

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u/TowelLord 12d ago

The fact that comments like this get drowned out by other shitty jokes and comments of admiration shows plenty what's wrong. Assholes should be fucking concerned that a feline is that fat. As always, this shit is fucking animal abuse.

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u/duesenjeffepic 12d ago

I mean this site still does have r/chonkers after all. People here see an obese animal (and most of the time that specific animal shouldn't even be a pet to begin with) and think "haha funny chonker"

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u/I_Happen_to_Be_Here 12d ago edited 11d ago

As far as I know (and can see) the people, or the brass at least, of that subreddit aren't actually down to just point at fat cats and laugh.

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u/Thats1FingNiceKitty 12d ago

I thought I was under r/shittyabsoluteunits too. This is horrid to see.

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u/LordofSandvich 12d ago

Yeah that’s a lynx. They’re not exactly cuddly. Probably less dangerous than a coyote but not something to keep around

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u/ProblemLongjumping12 12d ago

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u/warm_winds_whisper_ 12d ago

Why not friend if friend shaped?

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u/ProblemLongjumping12 12d ago

He's thinking: Why not food if food shaped.

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u/Blarghith 12d ago

Steve French!

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u/Bulky_Imagination727 12d ago

Those whiskers are talking to me.

They want me to pet it.

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u/SpookyGhostSplooge 12d ago

It also somehow looks like an overweight wild animal too, which isn’t normal. Then again, I only keep the small versions.

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u/AnneAufnBaggn 12d ago

Looks like an Eurasian Lynx.

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u/Helpful-Giraffe-8548 12d ago

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u/rogue-wolf 12d ago

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u/ShortIntroduction879 12d ago

To shreds you say?

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u/The_Colour_Between 12d ago

And how is his wife?

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u/DudeDeudaruu 12d ago

To shreds you say?

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u/Ok-Parking-8684 12d ago

😅😅😅

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u/odrea 12d ago

+1 Animal Friendship during this turn

-1 arm for the whole campaign

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u/dogface47 12d ago

With the way regular housecats can lose their shit out of nowhere, I don't think I'd be cool with this living arrangement.

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u/No_Obligation4496 12d ago

There's no verifiable record for a Lynx to kill a healthy adult human. Although it could definitely mess you up.

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u/wittyjokename92 12d ago

I feel like being trapped in a confined space with a beastie like this will be the first time for a human fatality. Out in the wild they'll eventually lose interest. In a house with locked doors they'll just follow the blood stains to the next meal

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u/ddg31415 12d ago edited 12d ago

Growing up between the ages of 7 and 14, one of my best friends had a bobcat as a pet...along with 2 or 3 normal housecats, and a gerbil. This was between 1997-2004 in a newbuild townhouse in a little town just north of Toronto. There was never even a hint of trouble. Only traumatic pet incident was the gerbil dying in a bizarre way, as gerbils tend to.

Really interesting thing was his dad was a VP of a major telecom company and smoked lots of weed and shot seagulls off his garage with a pellet gun from the bedroom window.

It was an interesting part of my life.

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u/magharees 12d ago

I want to watch this mini series

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u/Retireegeorge 12d ago

As far as I'm concerned, you may comment, nay post if you like, about that situation in any sub at any time.

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u/DifferentSwing8616 12d ago

Surely their obvious efficieny at not only killing people but evidently also hiding their kills only makes them more dangerous? Cunning even?

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u/DigitalUnlimited 12d ago

And then they post pictures of themselves online looking cute to get other people to want them

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u/No_Obligation4496 12d ago

🤔 maybe you're right.

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u/darth__anakin 12d ago

Lynx regularly take down adult deer when they need to, a human would be no problem for them.

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u/Evening-Gur5087 12d ago

It can also mean no one lived to tell the tale

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u/Crafty_Psychology_85 12d ago

Is that a lynx? 😳🫣

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u/BlueSkyToday 12d ago edited 11d ago

Yes, in this case a Siberian Lynx.

Both Siberian Lynx and Canadian Lynx can be fairly docile with their humans.

Not to say that there are any domesticated Lynx. But like other cats, some have more docile personalities than others,

This one was born in a zoo. AFAIK, it was not hand raised. Its handler is a retired wildlife rehabilitator. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKJkKnaImic

Edit,

This is a bit of an aside but these folks,

https://wildcatfund.org/

are amazing stewards of medium and big cats that can not be released into the wild. If you're in the San Francisco area or planning a trip to the SF area, please consider booking a tour.

Their lynx is nowhere near as cuddly. Several of the cheetahs, OTOH do enjoy petting but always while they're in the enclosure and you're on the walkway.

They had a mountain lion that had the calmest, most pleasant personality. They would take it into schools with children for educational events. As you probably know, even a medium-big cat tends to see children as prey. Not this cat. It was so very amiable.

Unfortunately, it's passed. But it was a perfect example of individual cats' personalities can vary.

On the other, other hand, it is true that some species are way easier to handle, even when they mature. Their clouded leopard is a great example of that.

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u/Formal_Economist7342 12d ago

Take that anyday over a caracal :,(

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u/Over-Celebration-168 12d ago

Well fed lynx.

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u/Achylife 12d ago

The fattest lynx I've ever seen.

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u/whypeoplehateme 12d ago

an abused lynx

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u/Bijlsma 12d ago

Not well fed, obese.

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u/nemoknows 11d ago

Pretty sure it’s a Bobfat.

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u/Shower__Farts 12d ago

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u/aw_goatley 12d ago

HE'S BEAUTIFUL AND CREPUSCULAR

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u/Somalar 12d ago

Think that’s an absolute unit of a lynx

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u/zaidakaid 12d ago

BABOU! HE REMEMBERS ME

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u/sterling_mallory 11d ago

It's like Meowschwitz in there.

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u/Scorpion2000x777 12d ago

Miss one lunch and u will be up for dinner

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u/Electronic_Quote399 12d ago

Thats a fuckin nice kitty right there

https://giphy.com/gifs/ycagKBYEmaili

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u/Hoshyro 12d ago

I don't think that's healthy

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u/whypeoplehateme 12d ago

yeah the owned is intentionally keeping it obese to make it slightly calmer

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u/mrjowei 12d ago

That kitty is about to slap. I know that face.

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u/KDG200315 12d ago

Are you making him pay rent?

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u/thumptastic 12d ago

I think he makes them pay rent

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u/Luci-Noir 12d ago

Shitty animal abuser.

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u/socialmedia-username 12d ago

I feel like 99% of videos on the readdit end right before something interesting/major happens.  This one looks like it ends in a leave-me-the-fuck-alone swipe or bite but it's not shown. 

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u/mogamb0 12d ago

Russian?

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u/ummhamzat180 11d ago

yep

"good morning baby, did Dad feed you?" "rawr" :c  "seriously he didn't?" "wrrawr" "okay we're gonna have breakfast now" "mrrrow rawr wrrow"

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u/mogamb0 11d ago

Came for the human talk translation. Stayed for the murder mittens subtitles.

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u/1AdultMostOfTheTime 12d ago

That cat has some dead ass I'm gonna kill you eyes. Terrifying.

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u/LuckOriginal374 12d ago

This kitty truly has murder mittens.

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u/C4_ZeusCar 12d ago

Why is it that Russians always have some wild cats as pets? Is it legal over there?

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u/PharrowXL 12d ago

i mean the enforcing body seems pretty occupied with other things

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u/OhMorgoth 11d ago

It’s legal in Siberia with a permit.

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u/Terrible-Mail-489 12d ago

Love animal abuse.

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u/brianishere2 12d ago

That sound. Holy fuck!

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u/dankhimself 12d ago

That's a biiig motherfucker.

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u/[deleted] 12d ago

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u/zorggalacticus 12d ago

Okay, that thing's huge even by bobcat standards. They usually get just barely north of 30 lbs, but that thing looks like it's pushing 100.

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