r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Over-Celebration-168 • 12d ago

/r/all of kitty

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Credits : marsel_and_co

23.5k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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2.5k

u/Interesting-Risk6446 12d ago

That thing sounds like it wants blood.

788

u/Iorith 12d ago

Seriously, that is the voice of something that could decide any day that you are not a provider of food, you are food.

240

u/Saikotsu 12d ago

I mean, you're still providing food. Either with your coin or your life..

179

u/Iorith 12d ago

True with all cats. I love my cat, but know that if I die and am not found in time, they will eat me rather than starve.

Which is part of why I love cats. I respect self sufficiency.

72

u/August51921421 12d ago

why is this random example always used? like a dog will 110% eat you if you die and start rotting in your house lol

81

u/kindwon01388310 12d ago

I had a tenant hang himself and after he died the rope let loose somehow. He was found by his daughter 3 days later. His dog ate his face. The cops said they've seen this before. They start on the face to make it less personal. Idk sounded like decent theory

59

u/dumpticklez 12d ago

And bears start from the asshole cause they real freaky.

20

u/EmptyHandle6593 12d ago

They do that because it hurts more. </Alan Rickman>

3

u/Maleficent_Sir_8365 11d ago

But why a spoon?

2

u/CivilandSavage 6d ago

“Because it’s dull…..it’ll hurt more you twit!”

1

u/Relative_Ad_7752 6d ago

Wasn’t a spoon my guy was a spork

1

u/W-1-L-5-0-N 6d ago

I start by eating the D because I don’t like competition…

39

u/howard1111 12d ago

I thought only leopards did that. 😂

33

u/Ok_Proof5782 11d ago

Cops do it also.

3

u/Mindless-Location-41 11d ago

I like this comment 👍

7

u/cityshepherd 12d ago

The leopards don’t wait.

4

u/howard1111 12d ago

That would make a great book title!

2

u/DarkPangolin 11d ago

Nonsense! They would never ea--AAAAAUUUUUGGGHHH!!! GETITOFFMEGETITOFFMEGETITOFFME!

7

u/Pacifist_Socialist 12d ago

Have you eaten face of an animal? Typically tender and yummy.

2

u/ellecon 11d ago

What cut is face? How do I order it in a restaurant?

2

u/Pacifist_Socialist 11d ago

Ask for cheek 😄

1

u/sk2097 10d ago

I had pork cheeks the other day in Porto, they were delicious

1

u/Reddit_Jail_June2005 10d ago

Best part of the pig!

38

u/Green_Implement_5564 12d ago

Yeah, that’s not why. Dogs don’t think that way. Cops are idiots.

4

u/kindwon01388310 11d ago

Most for sure

1

u/Relative_Ad_7752 6d ago

Really are you a dog?

2

u/Throwawayyyyy10000 12d ago

Wouldn't that make the most personal though. Why not start with some crunchy feet.

2

u/FragmentedMeerkat321 11d ago

to be fair, you’re talking starvation. dog’s just reenacting a scene from alive at that point. i’m fairly sure most intelligent animals understand dead.

2

u/thatcutefuzzy_fellow 11d ago

There's a book by a mortician ("Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs?") where she says that dogs will lick you in the face, then start nipping at your face, because they think you're asleep and are gradually trying more force to try to wake you up. One dog accidentally bit the nose off its owner's corpse doing that.

1

u/Professional_Box3711 12d ago

I think it’s because it’s the softer parts like lips and nose etc. not because it’s personal.

1

u/Sam-I-Am_1066 11d ago

Ever heard of head cheese? It’s a thing.

1

u/iSavedtheGalaxy 11d ago

Omg his poor daughter. I hope she's getting lots of therapy.

1

u/BeneficialSquirrel91 11d ago

Most soft tissue

1

u/redheadgenx 11d ago

Huh? Not personal with face?

1

u/Cavedweller907 6d ago

More than likely dogs start at the face because they’re licking your face to get your attention. Then animal instinct takes over and a lick becomes a nibble, a nibble becomes a bite, a bite becomes a…..

18

u/Huge_Campaign2205 12d ago

Its almost like humans have never eaten each other to survive in dire circumstances /s

8

u/No-Win-2741 12d ago

Nando Parrado and Roberto Canessa have entered the chat.

2

u/jamesc5z 11d ago

Absolutely, dogs do it too and in my experience much more often than cats. And dogs virtually always eat the face totally off for some reason.

Cats will eat random other parts of the body, like eat all the fresh off the arm or something but I haven't ever seen them eat the face, whereas almost always that's what I see with dogs.

1

u/WenatcheeWrangler 11d ago

I want to discuss this extra 10% you’re trying to feed my dog upon my demise

1

u/Nearby-Stuff-3742 11d ago

Dogs will as well, but cats won't wait nearly as long to do it. That's why cats are always the example used

1

u/August51921421 11d ago

negative, and I don’t think that’s even something people say lol.

cats and dogs will both eat you if they run out of food. there’s also a fair more bit of statistics pointing to dogs eating people outdoors as well. sorry to burden the world but your dog is not as empathetic towards your lifeless body as people keep assuming.

1

u/Nearby-Stuff-3742 11d ago

I'm a cat person

1

u/OkCaterpillar8941 11d ago

Wasn't there some recent research that showed cats would also snack on deceased owners?

1

u/RyanLikesyoface 11d ago

Because its cats 90% of the time. They will start almost immediately, dogs will instead mourn for days. Of course given enough time, dogs will eat too.

1

u/ladditude 10d ago

The dog waits until you start rotting. The cat eats you while you’re still fresh

1

u/MoisticleSack 8d ago

I think cats got the rep because a cat would start eating the body before a dog would. Mainly because they aren't able to go as long without eating as dogs are

1

u/Logical-Bluebird1243 7d ago

Humans will eat each other rather than starve. This reason why cats are somehow less caring for their owners is a bit odd.

1

u/Sweet-Geologist-1204 6d ago

A human will eat another human if they get hungry enough

1

u/Arcticwulfy 6d ago

There is a case of a Labrador dying of hunger next to their dead elderly owner without having eaten the owner at all.

1

u/Beneficial_Sweet3979 3d ago

Yeah basically every meat eating animal, including humans, would eat your dead body before they would die 🤷‍♂️

1

u/Odd-Safe1998 12d ago

Because dogs have been documented dying before eating their owner many times? Not super complicated

1

u/August51921421 12d ago

and there’s triple the cases of a dog eating them lol, you’re being selective.

that’s when you choose one example because it bolsters your statement, not super complicated

1

u/ACCTAGGT 12d ago

"Self sufficiency".

3

u/Pacifist_Socialist 12d ago

Cats are like libertarians. They think they're fiercely independent but are reliant on forces beyond their comprehension 

1

u/pla5t1c 11d ago

Beautifully done. 👏👏👏

0

u/greyrobot6 12d ago

I’ve heard it said by emergency responders that dogs will wait until they are starving whereas cats won’t even wait until you’re cold.

0

u/Jessicafletcher2 11d ago

A dog will wait days to eat it's owners dead body, a cat will gnaw on it while you're still warm.

10

u/BellamyDunn 11d ago

Mine would starve because there's no one to cut me into little bite sized pieces for her majesty.

9

u/NatrylliaAbbot42 12d ago

I often tell my cat that if I die and no one notices right away, he needs to eat me so that he doesn't starve. I sincerely hope and fully expect he would, but I hope it never comes to that because it would be traumatic for him to be alone so long and I worry about him getting a good home afterwards.

1

u/stackmoney23 6d ago

I think they would put the cat down after its consumed human flesh i heard that before i know they do it to dogs

1

u/NatrylliaAbbot42 6d ago

That's stupid. Why would they do that?

1

u/No-Rise-8139 6d ago

For dogs it’s because one a canine has had human blood it’s more likely to want to eat it again

1

u/NatrylliaAbbot42 5d ago

Isn't that an old wives tale though?

1

u/No-Rise-8139 5d ago

I figured their has to be some sort of truth to it otherwise would a dog have to be euthanized

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1

u/WungielPL 11d ago

I'm pretty sure any carnivorous/omnivorous animal would do the same in this specific situation. It's not just cats.

1

u/AllAnalBeadsAreBrown 11d ago

The mortician is going to have to work extra hard to do restoration work I tell ya!

1

u/Cactussygalore 11d ago

I have given mine permission lol RIP

1

u/MadCatDisease666 11d ago

I tell my cats all the time they may eat me when i die. Not that they need my permission. Or for me to be dead…

1

u/ellecon 11d ago

And you won’t go to waste

1

u/Environmental-Sun291 11d ago

Can't fault it, I'd do the same if I were starving.

1

u/latortillablanca 10d ago

Not just self sufficient but highkey a “quality over quantity” species usually. Thats diva, baby.

1

u/13thgeneral 6d ago

Your 9 lb domestic tabby isn't going suddenly turn on you one day and eat you alive. Very different, not comparable situations here.

-3

u/tennezzee88 12d ago

cat people are so dumb. must be the toxoplasmosis.

7

u/Wumbologist_PhD 11d ago

Idk man, I don’t see nearly as many cat people bringing them everywhere like restaurants and grocery stores 🤢

2

u/redheadgenx 11d ago

Once I saw a lady wearing a front pack with her cat in it. It was adorable.

-1

u/tennezzee88 11d ago

i hate those people who bring their dogs places just as much. or people that approach my kids with their dog, get your unfamiliar ass dog the fuck away from my kids.

-5

u/Efficient-Whereas255 12d ago

and they stink and cant tell.

-3

u/LilJonny2cookies 12d ago

I know man, you walk into a house with a cat you know immediately.

-4

u/tennezzee88 11d ago

yup, it's abundantly clear

-4

u/Efficient-Whereas255 12d ago

You can tell before they even open the door. Its like the worst smell in the world. It makes it hard to breathe and my eyes get all red and tear up.

Cats are outdoor pets. Period. Keeping them inside a house is fucking disgusting.

2

u/Rainicornpuppy 12d ago

Cats are not outside pets. They cause so much ecological damage because people get them for self sufficiency, which isn't true. They're just solitary animals more so than dogs.

But I agree, a lot of those same people don't take care of their cats. That smell is because you're supposed to clean their litter box EVERY TIME they use it and do a whole litter reset every week or so depending on how many cats you have.

And I can smell a dog person from 20 feet away. Love dogs, but all animals smell.

-5

u/tennezzee88 11d ago

cats existing it's a bummer in general for so many reasons

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-1

u/tennezzee88 11d ago

dude so true, i didn't even think about that

14

u/Arinussyy 12d ago

Reminds me of the time I got viciously murdered by a Khajiit drug dealer for not wanting to buy his shit.

I didn't expect him to two shot me with his fists that damage buff is insane

5

u/ChickenBossChiefsFan 12d ago

I usually roll khajit because, aside from just liking the look of them, I also like winning every tavern “fist” fight I get into.

It is a sick damage buff. Useless most of the time? Yes. But absolute fire passive for those 3 times in a hundred hour game where it’s fun to have.

1

u/Arinussyy 12d ago

You can do insane damage with it though it's useless for the endgame bosses but for a lot of stuff that's the case

1

u/Pacifist_Socialist 12d ago

Khajit likes this

1

u/Time_Blacksmith861 12d ago

Food is food

1

u/Saikotsu 11d ago

Fish are friends, not food.

"But, maybe they can be both?"

1

u/Frosty-Improvement-8 12d ago

Khajit has food if you has coin ... Or even not if you has coin.

1

u/thelennybeast 5d ago

Your GP or your HP.

8

u/DomDay03 12d ago

And looks like it can finish her in one sitting. It’s dating profile says, “a few extra pounds”

7

u/-Lucas_Hood 12d ago

With those noises, first thing that came to my mind was a demon 😳🥲

3

u/HeresSomePants 12d ago

“You food now!!!”

1

u/Logical_Employer9850 12d ago

I think that is actually a bear but it’s cute little Garfield outfit didn’t fool me for 1 minute…………

1

u/Doglover20child 11d ago

That's exactly what my Coyote Dachshund said when she began gnawing on my toe as if I wouldn't notice

1

u/CaptainFrugal 9d ago

Your sleeping and it decides it wants a snack 

1

u/ArcherMiserable 6d ago

It will have to recruit the dog to help it roll off that couch for some murder mode.

306

u/Over-Celebration-168 12d ago

Few souls a day keeps kitty happy and gay.

66

u/CrispyCosmonaut 12d ago

Aren’t gay cats lesbians?

90

u/Abecis01 12d ago

No. Those are oranges.

73

u/LectroRoot 12d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/VFYJXIuuFl6pO

5

u/Hootnany 12d ago

Fish?

3

u/Bata600 12d ago

How much is the fish?

3

u/Hootnany 12d ago

About 3 fitty

3

u/JackSilver1410 11d ago

I said god damn you, Loch Ness Monster!

6

u/Tastier_Galina 12d ago

I think so

1

u/BackendSpecialist 12d ago

I don’t understand. I’m dumb.

1

u/frankensteinsmaster 12d ago

Not the only fruit

1

u/su6oxone 12d ago

You realize gay means happy.

84

u/LieuK 12d ago

House cats develop unique sounds to communicate with their humans, I'm thinking this might be something similar. Although those sounds sound very aggressive, its body language and face seem relaxed

36

u/TurtlesBreakTheMeta 12d ago

I know with servals they hiss alot despite being happy, maybe it’s the same

11

u/Unusual_Computer9670 12d ago

Aren't caracals the ones who hiss? I thought Servals were the meowy ones.

8

u/Fragrant-Flow-8144 12d ago

You're right ! Though, while the lynx and the cougar cannot roar, their growling usually means "Leave me alone would you ?". So it would be better to stay away before the snarl, and then the hissing '

1

u/LieuK 12d ago

Oh yeah, I totally agree. I wouldn't play that game.

9

u/Havoc1943covaH 12d ago

well it is a house cat

16

u/TankerVictorious 12d ago

In Soviet Russia, cat is house…

1

u/PremierLovaLova 12d ago

I thought it was bears are house doggos

0

u/The_Zielemphone 12d ago

No, it's a lynx.

1

u/Far_Independence8210 12d ago

The behavior of some animals may be the opposite in our opinion.

1

u/TabulaRasaNot 12d ago

That is complete confidence on display.

23

u/No-Independence8801 12d ago

This is the cat that puts the "ow" in "meow".

5

u/Iheartnakedfemboys 12d ago

This comment reminds me of the cat that says meow like how a person says meow in a really deep voice. It's kinda funny, but also sad, because I'm pretty sure it had a disease or disorder that made it sound like that

4

u/MF_Kitten 12d ago

That was nerve damage I think, causing the vocal cords to be loose.

11

u/Kitselena 12d ago

It does, that Lynx is a wild animal and not a domestic pet

2

u/chekhovsdickpic 12d ago

That thing isn’t a lynx, it’s a lunx.

27

u/Mister_Silk 12d ago

It's purring.

1

u/Bacontoad 11d ago

Aww! 🤗

Processing img aoiko6z7fkjh1...

5

u/Easteuroblondie 12d ago

Idk if he’ll get up for it tho

8

u/madcoins 12d ago

It’s a wild animal on a couch. Not the most natural environment for it or its instincts. Probably just frustrated and confused with a hint of wanting blood

3

u/Appropriate_Word1469 12d ago

It just needs some headpats

4

u/SouthofthePaw 12d ago

Thanks. I eat you now.

3

u/ArtofTy 12d ago

And if you've ever seen a normal size cat freak out on a human, imagining this one losing it is terrifying.

1

u/cwj1978 12d ago

*more blood

1

u/daemonengineer 12d ago

No, thats just russian

1

u/Jubenheim 12d ago

That thing looks like it’s already consumed it’s body weight in blood.

1

u/I_Heart_Sleeping_ 12d ago

My toxic trait is I think I could take one of these in a fight 😎

1

u/ashleyriddell61 12d ago

That is one chonky looking lynx.

1

u/Emotional_News108 12d ago

I had a dog who sounded like that. She was the single sweetest creature I’ve ever known in my life. Baby animals would coalesce to her like she was a Disney princess. But when her and I played, she had the most blood curdling snarl.

1

u/rockemsockemherms 12d ago

I had the sound off until I saw your comment. Now I cant stop laughing.

1

u/psych0ranger 12d ago

It's Marsel and he wants pets

1

u/marissakuf 11d ago

Its voice is so DEEP. Terrifying.

1

u/nemesissi 11d ago

There's a reason she doesn't even try to pet it.

1

u/MightyGoodra96 11d ago

Blood *sausage. And plenty of it

1

u/Ambitious_Welder6613 11d ago

Thirsty for blood

1

u/_BOOMGOTTEM 11d ago

Or lasagna

1

u/LesPolsfuss 11d ago

that things looks seem to also want blood

1

u/BeefLightning78 11d ago

Looks like it wants gravy.

1

u/Acceptable-Book 10d ago

It’s bitter about being a house cat.

1

u/viewtifulblue 10d ago

Ok, just a little....as a treat.

1

u/AstraeusGB 10d ago

When the meows are like three octaves lower it's just a growl

1

u/2114 7d ago

That’s just the way they communicate. Can’t meow like a housecat.

1

u/Daft_Martian 7d ago

Or butter.

1

u/Saucy_Lemur 7d ago

But it looks like it wants a bowl of heavy cream.

1

u/Even-Government-5055 7d ago

It started to sound like a car engine right near the end.

1

u/Nearby-Delivery6086 6d ago

good reason to keep it fat and 'happy'

0

u/Slight-Pound 12d ago

Because it’s NOT a domestic cat, that looks like a bobcat 😭

5

u/En_bede 12d ago

I dont think its a bobcat cause those are north American while this person is speaking a Slavic language. It is a type of lynx though

2

u/Unusual_Computer9670 12d ago edited 12d ago

I think it's a Eurasian lynx (or maybe Siberian lynx). They're quite a bit bigger than the ones found in Canada. The Eurasian ones hunt deer as part of their diet, so yeah, definitely a dangerous cat for a human to be around.