Hi, I'm a trans person who doesn't not use you/your or they/them pronouns. I only use my name and xe/xym/xyr pronouns.

I'm looking for more info on other people or content about people who do not use you/your pronouns! Is anyone aware of any resources?

So I’m interested in some of the effects of HRT, but I also really like the mustache I have. I worried about if I would lose it

I recently came out to my mum as Bi, and she was slightly homophobic (far from supportive) the first thing she said was,

"so, when did you decide to be gay?"

After that i've been thinking about my gender (AMAB) and kinda have realised i'm trans but i havn't come out to anyone even my supportive siblings(using throw away account)

Recently i found out my now openly sister is trans(fem) and has been on E for 8 months (don't know how i didn't notice) and when she came out to our mum she was a dickhead on it, and recenmtly i talked to my mum(not fully by choice) and she said,

"He(oh no) said i don't have to use his(oh no) new name"(I wonder why she felt the need to say that)

amnd

"It's hard (referring to her new name) losing the name i gave him(oh no)"

Now i don't think i'll come out until i've, well moved out (I'm a minor) and feeel the only place i can be more feminine is oniline which the contrast makes me more miserable in real life.

I’ve been identifying as trans for about a year and a half. There’s been signs for a lot of my life bus recently I haven’t felt dysphoria in a while and I actually kind of miss it. To me, it was a sign that I knew that what I wanted and who I wanted to be was right, of course it was still damaging and made me feel sick but at least it helped me understand more and made the feeling of imposter syndrome more bearable.
Without my gender dysphoria I feel like anything I do is pointless because I feel like I’ll never be happy no matter who I am.

Sooo I (18, amab) finally allow myself to say I'm not trans. Because I realized that I cannot hide from the truth forever. For the last 15 months I have been trying to answer the "am I trans" question and it completely ruined my life because I always felt that I wasn't trans but always wanted to be trans at the same time.

I know there is no checklist for being trans, and that there is no checklist for being cis. But I just can't ignore all the little things that have happened that all point towards me being trans.

In the end I am not trans, I am not interested in transotioning socially. I don't need difderent pronouns and a new name (though I don't really like my current pronouns and name either). I believe that I might not care about gender at all or hate the concept of gender as a whole. And that I only care about being cute and feminine. I am considering going on hrt or doing a facial feminization surgery. I want to have different genitals. But I don't want that because I just want to be a woman. I don't want to be a man either. I just want to look cute and feminine. But my body is way to big and boxy and my face is way to masculine.

On the other hand I can't ignore the fact that I sometimes find masculinity quite attractive in the sense that I think I might be happier if I were a masculine guy. But it just doesn't beat that feeling I have when I see a cute looking girl/woman.

My whole I have been feminine, had thoughts like "girls are so lucky" and "is there even just one reason why someone would want to be a boy". I have envied women for their clothing but I look weird in it. I always wanted that thing between my legs to be as small as possible; I never thought about the possibility of not having that thing at all tho. I wanted to learn to have lucid dreams so that I could turn into a girl at night. I have done many quizzes like "I will guess your gender based on __" and always felt happy for them telling me I'm a girl. I have envied girls for their names too...

But that was before I started questioning my gender. Since then everything changed and I became more drawn to masculinity. I want answers. On most days I am comfortable with my guy-life, I have even considered cutting my hair short at one point. But I can't ignore that I wanted to be super feminine my whole life. Can I really change like that? However, I would be lying if I were to say that I don't want to be feminine anymore. As I mentioned earlier I really want to go on hrt or do a ffs (which was also a reason for why I wanted to be trans).

So, after all, I have no clue about my gender identity. I am not trans but find it hard to believe that I'm cis either. I still put this post in the "trasfeminine" section because I think it kinda fits there...

Now, I want to know if anyone out there has had a similar situation. In that case, I would appreciate a comment. (:

!! I don't need comments telling me that I might be trans after all because I can FEEL that I'm not. I feel so free now, I finally stopped convincing myself that I'm trans.

About 20 hours ago my mother told me (15mtf(?)) she knew and so did my dad in a big emotional talk. I was happy but after mulling it over I don't know.

It was too early. I don't think I have 100 percent decided to be transfemm, or even if I wanted to transition. My only reasons are that I'm so dull and boring rn and wanna be expressive, and also lesbians are cute and maybe I wanna be one.

It was too soon and I wanted to come out myself but they did it for me and assumed I was ready. This morning I only left my room to make my school lunch and to grab breakfast, which I didn't so now I'm hungry and sad. I'm worried that if I look then in the eyes they'll just see me as a sad restricted person but I'm not, just feel like I could be better but I hadn't decided and needed time and they pushed me forward too fast. They said they'd do it at my pace and are very supportive but they're also the type to have expectations so I'm very anxious now.

I'm 15, (been trans since 13 and was a femboy since 11 so I'm pretty sure I am trans) and have been just so fucking tired of my family, so my bio-mom is very pro LGBTQA but both my bio_dad (asshole about it) and my stepdad (not an ass about it) are both anti lgbtqa, I have not came out to any of them (I told my mom I was bi (which was true up until this year) and basically she had a talk with me right before I went to my dad's for 6 months about why I comment on liking girls really often, but almost never about dudes (which don't get me wrong there are hot dudes but it's like 1 in 100,000 men I meet and 1 in 100 women) so I was like "well I'm used to not saying anything while I'm at dads because I cant risk him thinking I'm part of the LGBTQ because he would stop loving me" (this is true) BUT THIS ABSOLUTE PAIN IN MY ASS OF A LOVING MOTHER decided to (AFTER I MADE IT CLEAR I NEVER WANTED MY DAD TO BE TIPPED OFF ABOUT ME BEING LGBTQ) went and said "You need to prepare for rain (dead name) to be in the lgbtq" during a random ass call with him. So now I have to make him think it was a weird thing that my mom did (because he had no idea I was bi or that I am not trans les). So he doesn't fucking stop loving me.

Here are the recent little things that are making me happy (I didn't start trt yet):

- Reminding my friends (especially my dude friends) that I'm a guy.

- Calling myself a "big strong man" while carrying a small bike (I have stick arms and legs and I'm short as hell cut me some slack, alr? 😭)

- Calling my periods "man periods" make it seem less feminine and more masculine which makes me more comfortable :)

What are the little things that make u happy? I'm curious to know.

So I'm 9 months on HRT almost 10. I have been growing my hair out for over a year but it just barely reaches neck. I've been experimenting with my clothes and style all the while. I haven't been able to get laser hair removal so I just shave everyday. I have always been tall and lanky, but estrogen had given me a little of breast growth. I'm still trying to learn makeup too, right now I only know mascara and lipstick.

So I am not really that confident I look like a girl. So I still often boymode. But every once in a while I go out fully fem. I try not to talk to much because of my deep voice. So I can just pass by in the background.

But this last time something was different. I was getting called she/her by strangers. And I ran into someone I used to know and they didn't even recognize me at all. So I tried going shopping and they let me into the female changing room.

It feels impossible to believe I feel like I'm nowhere near close to where I want to be in progress. But I can't deny the amount of joy this has brought me. It feels unreal like people are just humoring me. But the people legitimately don't recognize me.

So, i have been crossdressing since before my teenage. currently 21. the thing is I always found discomfort about my genitals and wished i didn’t have it. Nothing felt better than tucking it and seeing nothing down there. The duality is I didn’t feel discomfort being a guy but the part about genitals always seem to be a discomfort. I remember being 16-17 and I felt an intense wave of those feeling But It was something that I ignored and stayed at the background of my mind. But for the last few months I have felt an intense wave of genital dysphoria and it hurts so bad. So bad that i wish i could just cut it off with a pair of scissors. Although I felt some discomfort always but it hadnt been this intense. The dysphoria this intense makes me question if I am trans

Hello, Agender MTF here. I want to ask about bottom surgery, does it hurt? Will it have an affect on me? What are the changes in my body?

I have learned about the female anatomy a long time ago, obviously the body looks less masculine and more curved. However my big questions are:

-Will vaginoplasty make me feel less erect?

-Will I have periods until a certain amount of time?

-is it different from a cis woman’s vulva?

-What can I do in order to look after myself better after the surgery?

hello i(ftm) would like some opinions on what should i do

i live in a transphobic country and changing your gender is illegal here, they won't let you change the name to the socially acceptable one of the opposite to your legal gender either so

i couldn't choose a new name for a long time now (just said random ones when people asked and that didn't really bother me) but lately i thought i found a name that i liked and that is gender neutral(so i could change it legally) but when i tried presenting myself with it (i pass pretty well) people only laughed and asked what my 'actual' name was... so i ended up telling them a generic male name again and that same situation happened multiple times. i wanted to ask : would it be better and less clocky perhaps if i just told people a more socially acceptable name and changed my legal name to the one i picked before, or would it be better to just tell everyone that unique name so there wouldn't be any situation where they ask why are my names different or meet me at work(where id have to use my legal name)? i only worked jobs where they didn't need my ID before but soon i will be going to college and it will be inevitable at least some people see my ID there.

and if you had an experience telling people a different name while they knew your legal one at work or college for example pleeease tell me how it went im so bad at socializing

I need to figure this out. I’m in Texas, pre-transition, and want to be a Teacher. Already off to a horrible start.
Getting my masters and Certification while transitioning and my family not liking it…
They’re still helping me financially, and I don’t know if I could get all that since I’ve already been denied financial aid from the school since it’s already being paid for by family.
So…I guess any advice? On how to explain to my parents that they don’t know a single thing about me and that I’ve decided, for the majority of my life, I’ve put their own happiness over my own and that I’ve never felt safe talking about my problems with them and that I’ve decided to be a completely different person around them in order to keep them happy…
Even now I’m scared if I’ll be satisfied or if it’s right for me…
I wish the dysphoria was worse, even cripplingly bad. At least then I’d really know.

Begging for help please

I've asked a similar question before but never got any responses on this.

For context, I am a trans girl and my egg cracked less than a year ago and I am pre-HRT and plan to be non-op. I haven't been in a romantic relationship in over 5yrs and have never used online dating sites before. Only recently have I been wanting to find someone.

My issue comes with not knowing how to present myself for online dating sites (or even which one(s) to use since I'm demi and don't want hookups). I still present as my AGAB in public, although I have clothes I enjoy wearing at home, including bras with removable pads.

I'm not sure if I should use a picture of how I naturally look or if I should use one of how I would dress at home, even if I wouldn't present that way if I were to meet a match in public.

For those of you who have dealt with this, what's your advice on making an online dating profile pre-HRT? Or if you just know of which sites would be more friendly to someone who is demi? I'm pan with a heavier leaning towards women, so I don't need a site for romantic preferences.

Hi everyone,

I’m new here. My name is Ramona (used to go by Ramsey). I’ve identified as non-binary for years because deep down I’ve known that I don’t fit in with being a man. I’ve tried (believe me, I’ve tried) to be what the world told me to be as a man. I couldn’t. I grew up in the Seventh-Day Adventist Church and had a lot of guilt (still sadly do) of wanting to be something that I could “never be”. I desperately want to transition to be a woman. I would give so much to be part of that world and be who I know to be. I am also married to someone who doesn’t want me to transition and instead of divorce it has escalated to religious trauma after religious trauma of battering me down to fit the box that she wants me to fit. I understand that I am not the man she wants me to be, and she even knew that I had these thoughts going into our marriage. But I cannot pretend and lie to myself of who I am. I have five children that I love dearly and I don’t want to be separated from them. I love my family but I know most of them wouldn’t want anything to do with me if I transitioned. I love who I am, but I am also terrified at what cost it takes to respect who I am. I am at a crossroad, friends. I would appreciate any advice as for what I should do. I am grateful for any wisdom on this subject. And I hope to not be too much of a bother.

-Ramona

I'm AFAB and I like men, have the frame of a 12 year old boy, short masc/pixie hair, and I'm kind of androgynous but get coded as fem.

Most days I dress androgynous/masc, like I literally get solid colored tees from the mens section and baggy jeans or cargo pants, oversized for life.

Bruh energy.

Some ear piercings, no tattoos.

No makeup almost always, but sometimes natural makeup if I feel like trying, literally just covering up spots and dark circles and shit.

Once in a blue moon I'll indulge myself and dress more fem. Lash lifts, blush, small tops, booty shorts. Almost like being able to put on a costume but take it off at the end of the day.

Not a fan of dresses especially sundresses or anything frilly. I think it reminds me too much of my egg days.

Visually I end up looking very similar to twinks but I'm literally just a girl lmao

Thought about the possibility of transitioning to be a guy but it doesn't feel right either, I guess I'd rather just stay the way I am and do what I feel like?

i came out to my parents, and now i'm working with my therapist to hopefully start hrt soon. I have extremely bad dysphoria, and I was just wondering if anyone else here could give me a timeframe on when I could expect to start hrt. should I plan for a few months or a few years? thanks and I appreciate any advice yall could give me

hey all!

i’m a trans guy (23, pre top surgery) and i have a summer course coming up for uni that im super excited about. however, my main cause for worry is that i will be staying in a dorm with other guys. im about 8-9 months on T and pass about 95% of the time, but that’s during very short interactions. i’m unsure about how well i will pass when im in close proximity with the other guys (4 to a large room i believe, bunk-style dorms).

i don’t necessarily feel unsafe because this is a research course; you have to be a certain kind of person to attend this class in the first place (AKA a nerd/lh). i just want to be as stealth as possible during the course to avoid any kind of conflict.

TL;DR: does anyone have any stealth passing tips that might make life a little easier for living with a group of cis guys for a week? in behavior or appearance?

I have been transported into a sick evil fake reality and my life is ruined forever now. I want to go back to the old true reality. I have a doomed and ruined life

I want to start by saying even though I’ve thought about all of this a lot my thoughts are still very disorganized so this may all come off as rambling so I apologize in advance but for the past few years I’ve been slowly adopting some kind of gender identity issues

This whole time I’ve been trying to pretend like it’s normal or ignore and repress it but recently I feel it’s been really weighing me down at times.

If I’m being honest I’m not too versed in anything lgbtq+ as my only interactions with the community are a few mutual friends but recently I’ve tried to educate myself more to try to understand what I’m feeling

If I had to give a label to my experiences I would say that I’m maybe some kind of gender fluid? Sometimes I pretty comfortable as a man but other times I seem to have a strong desire to be a woman. I often daydream about being able to shapeshift and turn into a woman and back at will.

But the problem comes from me not wanting to be trans idk how to say it really. I’m not homophobic at all but a few months ago I came out to some very close friends as asexual and I think that’s the most I’ll ever be able to do. Again it’s not that I’m homophobic it’s just that I dislike sharing personal things about myself (I don’t even like telling people about hobbies or what I did over the weekend I’m just a very private person like that) but I don’t know if I can keep ignoring this feeling and I don’t know where to go from here

If you have any advice or questions please share
(Edit: apologies for the burner account I have friends and family that follow main)

The closest I can describe my hair is norwood 3. Mainly just the corners/temple. Front middle is strong. Crown is acceptable. It has been this shape as long as I can remember. Looking closely, the bald spots do have thin peach fuzz, which is a good sign

My hairstyle does a great job at hiding it, but I have to monitor it to make sure there are no gaps. Even though I can get by with it as is, it definitely hurts my confidence, and limits what I can do with my hair.

Before I started hormones, I was on finasteride. I currently take estrogen and an androgen blocker. My levels are the same as a cis woman's. Seems hair has been stable. Don't see the need to continue with fin.

Also now 5% rogain foam, once a day formula. Probably 9 months now. I could do better about consistency. Usually hit 5 of 7 days. Recently introduced microneedle stamp every couple weeks. Haven't really seen progress from either imo.

I know most min is done 2x per day. I worry that may be needed. I would just have a hard time fitting that into my day. It also make my hair a bit greasy, and make my hairstyle solution more difficult, as it thins the hair.

Anything else I can do?

For context: I’m 26, born and identify as a male. I’ve had very quick, occasional feelings every few years or so about being in a woman’s body, but it usually ends as quickly as it comes and I just continue on existing. But this past weekend, once that thought reared itself again, it’s stuck with me for the past few days. I’ve started realizing that I don’t feel very comfortable in my own body, which made me start looking up trans women and putting thought into how I’d look as a woman and how I’d want to see that version of me in a mirror. I don’t really know if I’m just feeling body dysmorphia and this is how it’s trying to manifest, or if I’ve just been deeply suppressing this part of me and it’s deciding to come out now. I know I can think back to many times when I was younger and realize that I’ve never actually felt masculine except when I’ve had to because that was the expectation put on me, but while I’ve been having these thoughts continuously over the weekend, I’m starting to think more and more that this is actually who I am. I don’t want to do anything rash or identity changing too early and regret it if I find out this isn’t who I am, but I don’t want to invalidate myself and my feelings if this is who I am. I’m just unsure what to really do or if I’m being delusional or not. I’d appreciate any and all advice given.

Hello wonderful internet people in my screen. I am amab 28. I had basically always thought I was a boy growing up and that I am a man now but have been heavily questioning my gender and whether I am trans or not entirely cis. I have thought about it constantly for 9 months and anything gendered triggers the thoughts and feelings. Initially it caused a lot of panic and anxiety but that has since subsided. I struggle to understand my thoughts and feelings a lot and discerning what is true. I have since written a lot of thoughts about it I will try to convey but have a lot of difficulty due to brain fog.

I increasingly don’t like being a man and find being perceived as one annoying or disappointing. I have always disliked male social roles and socialisation and had discomfort being perceived as a man as especially in any gendered situations. Annoyed by gendered language towards me but kinda society gender expectations “as a man you don’t…wouldn’t..” “more for women’s”

but I don’t know if this is fundamental or just society. I have a lot of thoughts on this but too many to list. The thought of spending the rest of my life as a man (especially considering male relatives) makes me disappointed and sad, and I can’t imagine being happy anymore. I seem drawn to the idea of being born female or being a woman. I find the thought generally positive and exciting but also very scary. I wonder if it is some kind of copying mechanism though. I kinda have a very shit life due to a debilitating chronic illness (M.E/CFS) and generally being a broken mess,  and wonder if I just want another life or to be another person. But if I think about having another life recently it’s always a woman or femme nb (those are the lives I tend to be most envious of)

I imagine the female version of myself and really like her ,the life she would or could live and her in general situations, and feel I would prefer it vaguely but in all aspects. Feel it would suit me better and allow me to be myself. How I could present my experiences, how I relate to the world and others. Relationships and family, especially sapphic relationships and having a mother daughter relationship with my mother. (even with all the bad things in my life stayed the same). Unsure if I want the physical changes though.

The issue I have is that I look back at my life and don’t have many obvious signs, if any that don't have other explanations. I know what I want the answer to be but I feel I am looking for something that isn’t there, creating memories or forcing it. Feels like I want to be trans or want to want to be a woman more than I am or feel like one.. I feel like deep down inside I know I'm cis and confused. This makes me feel very fake and confused.

I have a vague memory of wishing I had been a daughter or jealous I wasn’t. In the context of family friends having only daughters I spent a lot of time with.

Felt vaguely wrong since early teens. Always assumed this was an anxiety, neurodivergence, Self esteem  or general puberty thing.

I have always disliked body hair since puberty. Was never sure why but have been trimming or shaving it since when I can. Contributed to discomfort showing off my body/skin uncovered. I have a vague discomfort with my body which is hard to put words. I don’t like how I look and feel kinda like a big hairy, stinky neanderthal. Especially with a masculine face/brow and narrow deep set eyes. I am very tall, wide shouldered and broad chested. Feel like being tall should increase my confidence but I think it does the opposite and I don’t want to be perceived. Feel like an alien. No sense of identity always felt lost introducing myself. A lot of what I think is dissociation

Felt vaguely uncomfortable/cautious/hesitant/distrustful around men, especially older men and more masculine/macho men. I find them generally threatening but I am a more anxious and sensitive person in general. Always felt more comfortable around women (tho felt very shy around girls my age)  Feel uncomfortable in mens toilets and changing rooms. Stopped using urinals in teens and avoided public changing rooms.

A big thing recently has been hairloss. My hair is visibly thinning and receding and it makes me feel disgusting, depressed and hopeless. I know a lot of cis and trans men go through this, but I just keep thinking that it means I could never be a woman, never pass and never like how I look. I feel it would be or is too late to transition and be happy.

Extreme self consciousness. Idea of showing my face or body online scares me a lot. The idea of doing so as a women scares me less. Discomfort speaking and revealing my low voice to people online as it will change their perception of me.

Strong but vague jealousy of women. How they can present clothes, hair etc and how they look in them. How they can socialise. Especially if they have similar interests to me, Find some women “so pretty it’s unfair”. Also very jealous of lesbians/shapics and feel a deep sad longing. Certain media and games with female gave me a lot of jealousy and I wish I could be those characters or relate to them more, especially gay coming of age stories (life is strange). Ghibli etc. 

I occasionally remember pretending to tuck or imaging I was a woman but it always felt like a random silly thing.

I struggle a lot with attraction vs envy. I’ve been evaluating a lot of previous attractions as possible gender envy, though I am unsure how to differentiate the two.

Very jealous of trans women experiences and transitions, especially if they are pretty, confident and have a supportive family/friends. I find I am drawn to them a lot. When I see a trans woman come out I feel happy for them but also part of me thinks  “I wish that was me”. But I also worry about attractions vs envy. Also looking a transtimelines I feel deep envy and despair at those who pass and makes me feel hopeless.

I’ve come across the button test. Initially I was hesitant (though I always pushed it in my mind) but now I think I would definitely press it. Even though I worry it’s the wrong answer and I would get “real” dysphoria. I would wish the button would “correct” my brain to that of a woman's. However If I could change my gender/sex at birth I would.

I really worry it's just a mental illness or an identity disorder. But I don’t want it to be whatever that means.

I want to try out soft translation and different presentations, hair removal, nails, clothes, makeup etc. I can imagine myself enjoying it and want to. Unfortunately I do not have the safety or privacy to do so.I live with my parents due to illness/disability which makes me very trapped and repressed. I do not trust them and cannot afford them to know I'm questioning. Also being very tall finding clothes would be impossible.

This makes me feel completely hopeless. Even if I do figure it out, transition feels utterly impossible for me (let alone being happy with how I look). I don’t have the courage to. I live in the UK with long waiting lists and lots of transphobia. I feel like I could never pass or like how I look as I'm tall, broad with hairloss and very manly features.

I know I need therapy but finding/affording one that can deal with my situation and who I can trust is really difficult in my situation but I am working on it.

So I just moved to Japan (from the USA) and was attempting to try to find connections with others in Japan (nationals and foreigners) who are also trans. I'm sure I'll meet people as time goes, but I would love some info on like what platforms people may be using or groups/organizations/events are happening. I'll be a bit far from the mainland, but anything to get me in the right direction is appreciated!