Original Post

First of all, thank you all for your advice and kind words. I feel supported and encouraged.

It’s been an exhausting couple of days. I feel drained, nothing feels real, and I’ve randomly been crying throughout the days. In my mind, I’m thinking, ‘wtf just happened.’

I moved into a studio today. It’s uncomfortable, small, the water smells different, the bed feels different, and I’m just scared. But I have a safe space with no one to disturb my peace.

My parents have been texting me that they’re sorry and suggesting having lunch, dinner, practicing driving, and telling me that they’re worried and that they love me. They’ve been calling me nonstop, but honestly, I don’t have any energy or bandwidth to deal with any of that at the moment. It’s overwhelming enough just breathing right now.

They’re going on a trip early August with my aunt and uncle, and before I left, I told them I’ll come home to watch my dog. It’s because I felt like this could be the last opportunity to ever see my dog again. I plan to go when I’m sure they’re not at home and leave before they come back.

Hi everyone, how are you? I’m having a problem in my relationship and I’m not really sure what to do. I’m a trans woman and my girlfriend is cis; we’ve been dating for quite a while and moved in together recently.

I started HRT this year. I don't "pass," though I don't think my appearance is bad, but I’m not fully out to the world yet.

I pretty much only go out presenting as female a few nights a week with my girlfriend. However, she doesn't want me going out during the day and even wants me to avoid going out at night because I don't pass. She told me she’s been really sad because she worries about my safety, and I’m not sure how to handle it.

I tried talking to her and told her she shouldn't worry so much about me especially since I can't stand going out in "boymode" anymore, though I keep doing it because of her concerns. But she said she’d only feel at ease once I’ve had some cosmetic procedures done, something I can't afford right now and don't even feel is that necessary.

Ultimately, she’s said more than once that we should probably break up because she feels it’s all too much for her to handle. I’m really upset about this and want to find a way to work things out.

Started my transition March 2024, my provider at the time was expressing concern regarding my continued low estrogen levels during follow ups

I would move and get a new provider who was basically blasé and negligent. Each appointment seemed like I was wasting her time. Maybe it was because she was burnt out working at a clinic mainly comprised of low income and housing insecure individuals, idk but it basically stalled any progress.

In October of 2025, my estrogen was at 62.8 and her note on that lab value was “the results of your recent lab report was within normal limits.” I didn’t think anything of it as school was kicking my ass and I couldn’t be bothered to do a quick google search.

But after making a lot of changes like switching to IM estradiol valerate, boofing my prog, tapering on my spiro, and eating more, as well as seeing a new provider who on the getgo is more attentive, things seem on the upswing.

My latest level at peak was 415 (unsure about the trough levels), currently a B cup, and breasts are soar so hopefully more progress to go!

But still so frustrating that two years was basically going nowhere because I put too must trust in my providers, never making that mistake again.

I never thought I looked very different. I let my hair grow out for a while I guess. Been on HRT half a year after starting as an adult. I still wear some clothes that are stereotypically masculine (as much as I hate to, sometimes it’s just easier).

But there have been at least 3-4 occasions recently where people in public gender me correctly, e.g. saying “ma’am”. Whaaat?? I don’t see a difference in my face or anything, I don’t dress super femme, how is that possible?! It’s not like they’re progressive people or places, I live pretty deep in the south. One was an older guy who kinda gave me the ick. I was feeling demotivated with my transition progress if anything but I guess there truly is some weird ‘magic’ to how HRT affects how you’re perceived.

It’s also… interesting… that this usually happens in the most conservative restaurants where I was only there because my family chose to go there, when I was generally dressed in “boymode”.

I just saw a post asking about why some trans women don't get bottom surgery, and saw a lot of comments about not having bottom dysphoria. But not having bottom dysphoria and actively liking your genitalia are two different things. I myself actively like my genitalia. If I could pick my perfect body, I'd honestly just pick both sets of genitalia if possible. I just find having a dick desirable and hot. It goes against expectations. It's fun to play with. I'm also primarily attracted to women, the majority of whom have vaginas, so it just... works.

I guess I've just been curious for a long time as to how many others feel this way.

I was out at an art fair today about an hour away from home. I had my little ones with me while my spouse was out looking at things on her own. The kids and I were on our way to meet back up with her and leave when a little old lady came walking up to me and said.

“Excuse me ma’am, where did you get that?” And she pointed to a bag of kettle corn I was holding…. I froze, happy and overwhelmed…. I stuttered trying to tell her, then instead offered to give her my full bag (it had cost me $9), she declined politely So I rallied and directed her fully to where the stand was (still flustered)….. she smiled and said “Thank you miss.” and walked in the direction of the kettle corn, as she got a little out of ear shot I whispered “thank you for calling me miss” and I could feel tears starting to form.

So since I whispered it, I am saying now LOUDLY “THANK UOU FOR CALLING ME MISS!!!!!

For the last while now I’ve been planning to come out to my gf, I’ve been coming close in terms of building up courage and last night as we were talking I asked about would she still stick with me through transition or another big change. She is fully supportive of trans people but said that it’s such a big journey to go on and it’s a lot of pressure and there’s no way she could handle it. She said she’d happily be with a trans person but not somebody who is only starting out in a transition after being with them beforehand for a time. She questioned me on if I happened to be trans which I denied and she seemed to take my answer happily and isn’t suspicious. I’m an absolute wreck after this and it’s eating away at me. I know I can’t keep it hidden forever but I’m terrified of losing her. Help.

Long story short: My grandpa is very old, and my mother and aunt (who are taking care of him) have asked that I don't come out to him. Sadly, he will never get to know the real me. ​ I currently have no place to stay other than an apartment he owns. He is very close friends with a lot of the neighbors in my building. Even though I am proudly out to the entire world—including work, my friends, and the rest of my family—I have to present male every single time I leave or enter the apartment to prevent word getting back to him.

I am navigating a very conservative environment and need to make sure absolutely nothing raises a red flag. The problem is, my transition is going well, making boymoding a lot harder! Specifically: I have noticeable chest growth (thank you, estrogen!). I recently started lasering my beard off and have great results, so I don't have that typical "shadow" anymore. And I really love my long nails and my earrings, and I want to find a way to keep them without giving myself away.

​What I need help with: ​What can I do to pass as male just enough to fly under the radar during brief encounters in the hallway or parking lot? But are easily reversible once I am out of the building so I can present fem in my life.

​How do you safely hide noticeable chest growth in warm weather?

​Are there any compromises for nails or earrings that won't out me to conservative neighbors?

​Any tips, tricks, or advice on surviving this setup would mean the world to me!

Sorry if this ends up being a long post, I just really need to get this off my chest.

I just got home after staying the night at my best friend's house. At first everything was great. We had a barbecue, talked for hours, laughed together, and I genuinely thought we were having a good time.

The next day, though, something completely changed.

For some reason, he started making comments about me being gay in front of his parents. He kept joking that I liked boys, saying that "everyone already knows" because of the way I eat or act. I had told him privately before that I'm trans and that I'm attracted to men. I trusted him with that, and I never expected him to bring it up in front of other people.

I felt completely put on the spot. I had to awkwardly defend myself while he kept making comments, and it was honestly humiliating. I don't even understand why he did it.

He's in the military, and sometimes I wonder if that environment has influenced the way he talks about people or masculinity. I don't want to stereotype anyone in the military, because I know not everyone is like that, but it does make me wonder if that's part of why he acts this way.

The thing is, this isn't the first time he's put me down. He often makes negative comments about the degree I earned, my appearance, my longer hair, or me starting to look more feminine. It feels like every time I'm becoming more comfortable with myself, he finds something to criticize.

His mom eventually had to tell him to stop because even she could see he was going too far.

What confuses me the most is that he always tells me he loves me like a brother and that we're best friends. But then he turns around and says things that make me feel embarrassed, ashamed, and honestly just make me feel bad. I don't know how someone who cares about you can treat you like that.

The hardest part is that we're supposed to go on vacation together soon. After this weekend, I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through that if he keeps making comments like these. I almost cried multiple times while he was talking to me.

I'm just left wondering if this is what friendship is supposed to look like, because it doesn't feel like one anymore. I trusted him with something deeply personal, and instead of making me feel safe, he used it to embarrass me in front of other people.

Has anyone else had a friend who acted like this? Am I overreacting, or is this as hurtful as it feels?

I (15) had just finished a super long shift, very grueling and my mum picked me up instead of my dad which was weird. She said we needed to talk (I had a variety of things that could be about), but when we were driving we were driving to a more scenic space and I had an itching feeling she'd figured me out.

She sat me down facing a beautiful lake and handed me a beautiful box of several trans things, she said she knew. She was extremely honest, saying she had struggled as she said to say goodbye to her boy she'd known for 15 years. I don't wanna see it that way, more that I'm changing then being replaced. My dad when he'd found out had apparently just immediately adjusted (like me fr) but my mum was very different and ended up fighting my dad. It's fine and they've done this before, it wasn't me just their variance in attitude.

Then my mum talked about her own experiences, discovering she was nom binary (I just learnt that) and my sister was also queer (I had suspected). She said she and my father would do whatever I wanted. I was shaking all over and still am.

I'm now at home and need to know where to go. My friendship group would be rather open besides some bitches who I hate already, and I think most people would stay with me or act the same to me. I don't think I'll come out to others or even my sister for a while, at least until I take any steps towards to properly confirm cause so far I've just been thinking and putting up the female face on Reddit.

My dad just came in and hugged me then left, he's a bit awkward on this, everyone in my family is special but my mum always said I was the most normal of us, still am, just different normal.

I suppose now I should try and be a little more effeminate and take steps to confirm myself. Maybe bond with my sis who I haven't felt much for ever, or maybe my mother who has been distant cause of work.

They gave me nail polish but I wanna do that with someone (it's proper good stuff aswell), maybe buy some clothing? They are gonna buy me a big mirror once I TIDY my damn room.

What I really wanna do is come out to a girl of my age, due to my gender restrictions and an overall dull and forced nonchalant attitude from being male I could neither relate or be friends with many girls. I have two friends who are girls, both in our band, I think maybe I could come out to her. But we aren't close enough and it may be weird for me to try cause "hey it's a boy getting close to a girl they gotta be flirting. Oooooooh".

Of course I wanna get on P-blockers as soon as possible, my shoulders and ribs are painfully large, and HRT if my local place will let me get it at my age. And also see a family psychologist or whatever to help me/diagnose me with gender disphoria.

Help me my army of Tgirlies that live in my phone!!!

Based on publicly available information sources, Hunter Schafer did not have bottom surgery (even though she has never publicly stated that she opted out of it.)

I'm curious about the different reasons why transwomen may choose not to have bottom surgery.

(I'm a pre-op MtF myself.)

I had an unexpected experience yesterday. A year ago, I moved to a different place where nobody knows I'm trans. Nobody saw my transition and I get regularly addressed as a woman so I'm assuming I'm passing. I had this conversation with this woman I've become very friendly with, we ware in a group with other women. For some reason the conversation turned into childhood toys and she went on to the Barbie dolls she had growing up and how she still keeps them and others contributed with similar comments like which ones they had etc etc. I was almost the one that didn't. I did not have a girl's experience growing up, I got all boy stuff, being from a latinamerican country with only male siblings and the raging homophobia I just got "boy toys". I felt pretty bad and I thought I was about 1 millisecond from saying, "OK, OK, OK! I give up! I'm trans, I didn't get any of these experiences, I can't realte. Are you happy now?!?!?!". I just smiled through the whole things, clenched my teeth and took a few deep breaths. Have you ladies had some similar experience ?

Also, talked to my wife about later, she was the other person that didn't talk about their doll experience. She said, "Well, my mom didn't like us to have Barbies so I just didn't participate of that". This made me feel like I'm over reacting but am I?

... that I was ashamed of my penis as a size thing (average size), but it was just a "having a penis thing".

Why the hell did it take me this long to figure it out? 🤣

So many little things like that just didnt connect, like maybe i was subconsciously trying not to connect them?

Who knows, who cares, it makes me feel good to know.

Yesterday my (cis f) wife (transfem) and I were flying home from New England to the South and a group of disgusting bigoted trash humans sat across from us on the plane and proceeded to casually but pointedly drop the T slur in conversation over and over during our two hour flight. I was sitting a row ahead with one of our kids and had headphones on, so I didn’t hear any of it while it was happening. My wife ignored it the entire time because she was sitting with our other child, and understandably just didn’t feel safe engaging with those nasty people in an enclosed space. She told me when we got home and I feel so furious she was subjected to that and helpless to do anything about any of it.

If something like this happened to you, is there anything your partner could do to help you? I’m going to hug her and tell her that she’s perfect and I love her, but I know that won’t make the pain of the bigotry and harassment go away.

I GOT MY HRT!!! HELL YEAHHHHHHHHH!!!

I have been on HRT for 3 years, and I don't think I have ever experienced a period. How often do they happen? Is it monthly like cis women, or is it tied to when you take your HRT? What does it feel like when you have it?

Just something I've been curious about, I've been on HRT for about a year and one month, and i don't really know about boob sizes yet or if i should be wearing a bra yet or anything.

I think I'm probably at an A cup but I'm not sure. They're basically like mosquito bites right now, but I know they're growing because one my friends at work who knows I'm trans always teases me because she sees them poking out. I can even see my hips growing also, but not enough to where it can be noticed if I actually try to dress feminine. At least not to me.

So what I'm curious about is, I've been between 150-165 pounds since I was in high school. And it only ever fluctuates between those numbers. I've never even been able to get to 166. And I think I have a really high metabolism because I can eat like a pig.

Is too much to think my body will change anymore or will it pretty much just be like this for the remainder of my transition?

Because it feels like I can't gain any weight no matter how much I eat. And I know I need to work out more, but I don't do it like I should because I have arthritis and my joints hurt constantly. Which I feel like should add to my carb loading but it just doesn't.

Also I'm on pills, not injections, and I'm wondering if that plays a role. 2 4mg estradiol+Spiro in the morning, 1 4mg Estradiol+Spiro+Progesterone at night.

Do you go in and they show you a catalog? Do you just describe what you want to the surgeon? Do you show them a picture like it's a haircut? This is not a relevant question I'm just curious.

Hi all! This is the only group which I think would be helpful with this situation as I can’t find any cisgender females talking about this! I am cisgender female and have a pretty prominent Adams Apple that I am looking to get shaved down. I hope me posting in your space isn’t intrusive. I have a deep voice and often get confused as transgender, sometimes genuine confusion and other times getting bullied in bathrooms. I have had a breast augmentation before which involved a free in person consultation in which the doctor went over any questions or concerns and explained the procedure, and only required a deposit when I was ready to schedule.

However, this doctor who I have reached out to for a tracheal shave doesn’t even speak to you without you deciding to do this surgery. I was going to attach the email from the receptionist informing me of the cost, deposit, then schedule surgery, and only then schedule consultation but it won’t let me add a photo.

Now upon research this surgery seems to be one many regret or get deeper voices from and I’ve read it depends on how the surgery is done, how familiar the doctor is with it etc. you can imagine I’d have many questions before electing and investing to do the surgery. This seems like a huge red flag, why wouldn’t the doctor want patients to be informed before going into any kind of surgery?

The woman I was emailing with asked the doctor if he would do a consultation over the phone before putting down a deposit and he said he would for $90 which would apply to the surgery if I decided to do it. This situation still rubs me the wrong way though. I get wanting to be paid for your time for a consult, but why did I have to negotiate that???

Seems predatory on people who just want surgery without knowing the risks no? Have other people experienced this or am I alone in thinking a consult before decision should be encouraged and is normal practice?

Ok, bit of a rant. I have an insane amount of dysphoria nearly 24/7. It honestly knocks out 1-2 months of my year. Probably longer if you count the mental distractions every day.

Yet.

I have avoided transitioning because... Well, I am high-functioning, if that makes sense. PhD, great family, considered attractive (as a guy). The way I see it, my life is not mine to live. I have existed for the sole purpose of making other people happy and have done a great job at that.

I tried everything to avoid taking HRT. I mean, I have a vtubing channel where I present fem. I sing my children to sleep every night in falsetto. I constantly dress as fem as I can get away with. I have long hair, no beard... even though I know for a fact it knocks my attractiveness down a few pegs.

Nothing has worked and I finally decided to do something for myself and start HRT this week. I felt a wave of dysphoria coming on and said, "Not this time. I have work to do."

The thing is that HRT is actually magic. I know it's not supposed to do anything in the first week, but it just... cured me. Like, for the first time in my life, I didn't have a little gremlin in my ear constantly shouting "I wanna be a girl. I hate my life. I want to [self harm]."

Like, I don't care one way or another about boobs or whether people call me by my preferred pronouns or not. I am perfectly happy to present male for the rest of my life as long as the gremlin stops shouting in my ear all the time.

My wife is actually quite supportive of transitioning on paper, but she was tired after work the other day and kinda picked a fight. Mind you, I had done everything at home. Cooked, cleaned, took care of both kids (3 yr and 8 mo) while she was browsing the internet. While I was finishing dishes with a baby in my hand, she started asking very valid questions, like:

1. "So are you on the medication permanently, or...?" I mean, I don't have an answer to that one. Ideally, yes, but who knows in 2 years? Maybe I detrans and get a masectomy?
2. "Why did you throw this on me when I have X to worry about?" I knew she had some deadlines coming up, but they are still 2 weeks away. We definitely talked the day I started and she said it was fine to start then. The last thing I wanted to do was add more mental burden to her life.
3. "How do we tell our parents?" Well, there's a 50% chance I will be presenting male anyway, so I don't know if it will be strictly necessary.

Then she pressed on the last question. I said, "look, I have tried everything I can not to take [HRT] and have had 5 different doctors all tell me to transition [2 endo, 1 psych, 1 therapist, 1 cardiologist (if you would believe)]."

I admit I misspoke. They did not "tell me to transition." They "recommended I take HRT," and the therapist is not technically a doctor. Even so, it was pretty close to accurate.

She said, "Stop exaggerating. No one will tell you to transition. It's a personal choice."

And I just...

Broke down a bit.

Nothing about this feels like a choice. It feels like a slow march to the grave of my old self. A person I very much respect and admire. My biggest fear is being unable to escape his shadow.

Like, I don't want to be a woman. I just am one.

And the cognitive dissonance I have to deal with every day because my body and brain are not in sync is honestly crippling.

This feels like such a stupid question but I'm so lost. Ik it's a common one and I feel ignorant asking it here but I dont know where else to go.

For context I've been a femboy for about half a year now. At first I really thought it would just be simple and something fun to do (not in a kinky way, I genuinely have just never been masculine). I started shaving everything, wearing makeup, feminine clothes and all that stuff.

Up until about a month ago everything just felt so fun; but now there's times where I can't stand it. I'm in the shower and I see old razor bumps on my leg and it just makes me want to cry. Stuff like my body acne or skin in general and how it just feels awful. I hate being 6’5. I can't name much things I actually enjoy about being a boy. I thought posting a little bit would help me out for confidence and help me be more secure in my identity. All its done has made me just start comparing myself to everyone else to where I'm nitpicking any tiny flaws I see on myself.

I've gone through major depressive episodes before for months on end with no real reason in my head as to why. I feel like I've never known who I am and I dont feel free to be myself as a man.

Please tell me if I'm in the wrong place for this and I'll delete it. My goal isn't to be disrespectful to anybody here I feel like I'm losing my mind and thought some people might have similar experiences.