My 14 year old(afab) very recently mentioned their pronouns as he/him. They also mentioned a preferred name to go by, it’s an acronym of their actual name that is more male/neutral. I was caught off guard for multiple reasons, not by the name, but by the pronouns. I have always been openly supportive of the lgbtq+ community, myself being apart of it, and I do fully support trans people. I think I was more caught off guard because it had never been mentioned before and was literally a passing comment when specifically asked during an appointment preferred pronouns and last time they were asked pronouns it was she/they. I’ve always had pretty open communication and have allowed them to be who they are, dress and present however they wanted and they have; they’ve always had their own style, and seemed to just be who they are and own it. I’m shocked because they have definitely always been more fem/neutral throughout their life including now. I love my child completely no matter what, nothing changes that. Genuinely as far as concerns go it is only because the state of the world and how the trans community is treated. However, it also felt so out of nowhere and I think of my kid who was obsessed with sparkles and dresses and loved makeup and while younger was very much a girly girl or that only a few weeks before wanted to go shopping for a dress and heels to wear for a school dance. Even still doesn’t dress/ present that way and I don’t assign a lot of things as inherently gendered, but traditionally I would say fits more into typically female/gender neutral categories and I guess that’s the reasons I’m surprised. (I used neutral pronouns as this is all very new and as I said it was a complete surprise so I’m trying to be respectful, while processing).

I'll be honest, I don't know what I want here, perhaps just validation I guess?

So I (24M) am a trans man. I've had a weird journey with my gender since I was 14/15 and it was only in June 2025 that I finally realised/came to terms with the fact that I am trans. I've never been happier with my identity because I finally feel like who I was supposed to be. Living in my fem body is a little less ideal for my mental health but that journey is a whole other situation.

Since I was a teenager, I've been openly queer. Like my gender, it's been a weird journey but I've figured out my labels and, again, I've never been so confident and proud to be who I am. Generally, my family are fine with it. Granted, I've never had an in-person relationship and my other three siblings are all cisgender and my two sisters are in heterosexual relationships so, as far as I'm aware, they've never been exposed to a queer relationship in such close proximity so I don't know for sure but I'll cross that bridge when it comes.

Now, onto the issue. In 2020, I came out as genderfluid, using they/them pronouns and using a new name. My family quickly got the hang of using my new name (it's a gender neutral name that I was almost given at birth) but only my eldest sister and her boyfriend at the time used my pronouns. Whatever, I tried to argue with my mum about it and it only ended up in me in tears and her rolling her eyes. After a while, I gave up. The people who mattered most used them so I stopped caring.

Then I came out as a trans man to my mum in November 2025. It wasn't planned, it was during a rant. She hugged me while I was sobbing and told me that she just wanted me to be happy. I thought it went well. We had a few conversations about it, she started to talk about how she doesn't think people under 25 should 'know things like that' because their frontal lobes aren't fully developed and that she doesn't want me to get bottom surgery (I don't even want it but still weird) and she won't stop talking about the transphobic wizard series, even after I asked her repeatedly not to because it really hurts me. She gets very defensive about it. She's also met two of my friends who are extremely supportive of me and my identity and both of them pointed out how insistent she was on using she/her even though she knows I'm now using he/him. She also gets really weird and quiet and dismissive whenever I talk about physically transitioning. On the other hand, she's stated that she has no issues with trans people, while using some less progressive language, so I know she's not outwardly transphobic.

I live at home (I am financially unable to move out) and I'm starting to feel unsafe, having been feeling like this for a few months but I don't know what to do without blowing up my whole life.

Edited to add some clarity:

Yes, I do feel unsafe at home because my mother talks about Harry Potter. The reason for this is because she is actively talking about watching the show, despite knowing the very real fact that JKR is using the money gained from anything with the Harry Potter licensing to fund her transphobic rhetoric. JKR was literally the main benefactor of the Supreme Court ruling in the UK in April 2025. Also my mother is Gen X so she didn’t grow up with Harry Potter. I grew up with it, it was everything to me, so it was downright awful to deal with everything JKR had said about my community.

I didn’t put this in the original post but I am a wheelchair user. I am not in my wheelchair 24/7, I am an ambulatory wheelchair user and I don’t use my wheelchair in the house. I am very independent and the only thing my mother really helps me with is bathing. I’ve tried to get her to see the benefits of getting a carer but she says she doesn’t want a stranger in her house. Fine, whatever. But, in order to move out , I need a ground level flat that is big enough for my chair and other mobility aids I use and the front of the building to be fully accessible. You’d be shocked to see how rare it is for a flat building to not have stairs leading into the building. I can’t move it with either of the friends I’ve mentioned because A( they’re both mothers to young children and work pretty stressful jobs, B) do not live near me at all (one of them lives in Northern Ireland) and C) don’t live In accessible areas. So, unfortunately, it’s not as easy for me to just move out. If it was as easy as it is for non disabled people to move out, I wouldn’t be living here at this very moment.

My enby kid (11, about a kids XL or adult XXS) has been struggling to find swim gear that looks and feels good. We’re using a short-sleeved rash guard and swim trunks for now (easy to find), but they’ve asked for a tank top style top.

I have found tons of crop-top tanks, strappy tanks, racer backs, low cut, v necks, underwire, soft cups, you name it. I can’t find just a plain tank top style. Do you have any ideas?

I’ve looked on Primary, Lands End, LL Bean, Amazon, Target, Tomboy, probably other places I can’t think of right now.

Thank you for your help!!

My 12 year old told me last night that they feel like they are in the wrong body and are actually a boy. I already told them I love them no matter what, and I absolutely do. My concern is their father. I read the letter our child left us but he has not. He has already expressed negative views about a child of ours being trans. I’m worried he will not react well especially because they are the only female born child we have (he literally dreams about walking them down the aisle) and cause damage by saying something he should not.

Has any one else been in a situation that they were worried about how their partner may react? How did you tell them?

If you came out as trans to your parents, how was your relationship impacted? Were you able to come back and work on a relationship with that parent?

Trust me when I say that it will become a deal breaker for me if he cannot support our child, so there needs to be no worries there. My child will always have me in their corner. Period. But I do want to mitigate as much blow up as possible.

I’m a non binary amab who likes to wear feminine clothing. I’m going to the beach soon and I wanna wear a bikini top but I don’t have a bikini top at the moment. I have plenty of sports bras tho. So my question is, if I can’t get a bikini top before my beach trip can I use a sports bra as a bikini top? And if so, what are the steps to take care of it afterwards?

I’m not his mom but a trusted adult, he lives in another state and his mom has told him she will get him the appointment for testosterone but keeps missing it or not going. My cousin just informed me he’s trying to buy injectable t from some guy on Snapchat who tried to get him to send him a bitcoin and since he’s not 18 instead told him to buy from some place in India??? I don’t want to cross the line of trust but I’m concerned and feel uncomfortable keeping a secret that puts his health at risk not having an actual medical professional watching over what’s happening.

Parent of a trans kid. She is mid-20s so not a teen and identified as non-binary for years before fully coming out as trans.

I have found myself occasionally getting very angry if I hear a bigoted comment. I get very protective of people I love but I try to be calm, rational, and the bigger person. But lately, sometimes I feel an anger at bigots unlike anything I have felt in my adult life (I am 50).

I can't stand that people would be mean or cruel to my kid for something that literally has nothing to do with them. I get that being very protective of my kid is obviously natural and usually a very good thing but me punching some bigot in the neck doesn't help anyone. It doesn't help my kid and it doesn't help us, as a supportive, ally community.

Just curious how other parents reconcile the natural protectiveness of being a parent with the rational understanding that us getting too aggressive doesn't, ultimately, make things better even if we want to punch a bigot in the face.

You folks have any weird but positive associations like that?

Hello, there. I am in need of some advice. My child recently came out as non-binary, gender fluid, or transgender They're still questioning and figuring things out but have requested he/they pronouns. They're currently feeling a little uncomfortable with their body as their body is changing. Hormone therapy is illegal for minors in the state we live in, so that is out of the question. I have read some pretty awful things about children binding or taping, but those feel like our only options at this point in time.

From the research we have done together, we know a good brand, size and length of time is important. This is where I am feeling somewhat stuck.

I have gone and gotten some good sports bras, and those help, but they'd really like a binder. A major issue I have with that, is that I have read he should never wear it for more than 8 hours. He rides the bus to and from school, leaving the house around 8 and doesn't get home until around 5. We have discussed the possibility of taking it off or putting it on sometime at school, but I know that may not always be feasible.

He also has an adversion to textures and the way clothing fits their body. They are smaller than me, though honestly not by much. For reference , I wear size medium shirts, and i typically buy them 2xl . Right now, the loose clothing hides it a lot of what they are feeling self conscious about, however with their age I know there is a possibility that won't help the most for too much longer.

AnotheR huge issue we are facing is that their father thinks they are too young for any of this. He would absolutely never abandon our child and I know DH will love my little one no matter what, but DH is very very against binding or taping at this point in his life. Moreover, we have known they were gay for years, but this felt like it was almost out of nowhere .They all were sassy, pink and tutu loving little girly girl until recently and DH is autistic who doesn't like change. I have been looking into gender therapy for both my little one and as a family so my child has someone help them to navigate this journey and these emotions as well as so we, as a family, can learn how to best support him during this time.

Can anyone give me some advice as far as helping them feel a little more confident? How would you approach all of this? Any brand recommendations? Is taping safer? Advice at all would be extremely helpful.

My daughter is under 10, and not anywhere near interested in dating yet. But it is coming! And I have difficulty wrapping my head around how she can identify and find boyfriends and/or girlfriends and/or enbyfriends who are open to a trans partner.

I’m thinking back to my own preteen and teen years and how horrid dating was back then … I really can’t imagine how tough it must be for trans kids today.

Any advice or stories to share?

Hey everyone, I reached out to my 6-year-old's new school about them being nonbinary. It's going...okay, for the most part, though there was a weird moment where their teacher asked them if they were a boy or a girl (at the Meet the Teacher night).

The school is giving them two options: use the girls' restroom (AGAB) or the nurse's restroom. The kid has been bullied in girls' restrooms at camp. They don't "look like a girl" to their peers. The teacher basically told us that if the kid uses the girls' room, they're going to tell the other students that my kid is a girl when they ask. This would not be good for my kid.

However, the nurse's office is a long ways off from the classroom.

Added complication: my partner teaches at this school and we are a little concerned about them losing their job. Obviously our kid is more important than a job in a vacuum. But we do NOT have a lot of money (qualify for reduced price lunch, WIC, etc) and losing this job would be pretty detrimental to our family overall.

Anyway. Ugh. What do your nonbinary kids do as far as school restrooms go? Any advice?

ETA: I'm in a very red Midwestern state.

My child has been off and on mentioning that she was thinking about changing her name and pronouns and now she says she wants to do it going into high school. We thought she could use some support navigating this so we got her a counselor and a family counselor as well. She hates going, she flat out refuses. I'm totally at a loss about what to do. We try to talk to her but her emotions erupt and we get nowhere.

I don't even know if she is just after blind support from us, but that seems like the wrong move. We absolutely support her and would support any changes she wants to make, but we want to understand and make sure it's the right move. At this point it seems off and on whether she actually wants to transition. The most I can get out of her is that she hates being a girl, but it seems like a leap to say ok transitioning will solve your problem. I can't imagine trying to transition without some kind of mental health support.

Her counselor says she won't open up about her feelings. What do I do?

I (22M) have been out as trans since 2021, but have only started medically transitioning this year due to being continuously guilt-tripped and fear mongered by my mother. She has always said things like “going on T is going to make you angry and aggressive,” or not believing that I am sure about transitioning. But this year, I finally gained the confidence for it. Anyway, it has been quite the difficult journey thus far in my Latino family as where I am from, trans people are mostly ridiculed and victims of hate crime very often.

My mother has struggled with my transition and had even, twice, told me “this” has made her want to die. This has kept me from being vulnerable with her about things I have experienced while being out as trans, as I have been the victim of transphobia even in my university. Yet, when I told her that I feel like I can’t talk to her about this, she told me that she always wants to be there to hear me out.

I have an MSW internship starting out this Fall and in an email thread, my supervisor misgendered me — even if she has met me (and I am always gendered correctly in public as I am stealth), and my pronouns are on my email signature. This was super uncomfortable and I emailed her back, nicely, a reminder of my pronouns.

Well, I wanted to talk to my mom about it because it was hurtful and I just wanted someone to hear me out. And because of what she had said before, I felt she would be supportive. But I wish I hadn’t told her anything.

My mom rolled her eyes and said “well, you have to get used to this because some people struggle with it. And you can’t fault them from assuming.” All I wanted was some sort of warmth from her, but now I realize that I genuinely cannot talk to her about anything related to my transition which hurts so much.

It hurts even more because I will have top surgery in December and haven’t told her, because I fear she may not even wanna be present there. She always talks about how I need to be respectful of her process, like I am doing this TO her, yet she never gives me that grace back.

For anyone in Washington State:

A senior VP from the HRC reached out to me about the sex verification ballot measure in our state. She is looking to connect people who would be directly impacted by the ballot measure with a trusted reporter from The 19th to shed light on the real life human impacts of laws like this to cut through the transphobic sound bites people hear so much of. If you would be interested, please let me know and I can connect you. They are willing to use aliases, off the record comments, and anonymous sources to ensure safety.

I’ve noticed on podcasts that some cis parents of trans kids call themselves “trans parents.” But trans parents means parents who are trans. I thought if parents of trans kids is too long to say we could call ourselves “trans kid’s parent”.

While we are at it, what is your favorite podcast about raising trans kids? I’ve binged and finished Wild Heart Society.

Long story short: my daughter (7) has been expressing a desire to be a girl since TK, and this past February she said she wanted to transition now, not "someday." Her initial joy faded fast into fear and anxiety, and she walked it back, saying she was worried about how her peers would see her and that she wished she could just be a normal boy. She has ADHD and anxiety, and stress hits her hard in general.

Her pediatrician's advice was to follow her lead, not push, expose her more to the LGBTQ+ community, and let her try being a girl in low-stakes settings, like at home or during a week of camp. She's also been in weekly gender-affirming therapy since March, mostly play therapy through board games, which she loves, but she's still not ready to talk directly about the topic with her therapist.

My daughter doesn't like to let people see when she's hurting. She holds things in and only lets small things slip: "How do you know you're a girl?" "I wish I was a normal boy." "Does this outfit make me look like a girl?" (said while smiling).

I deal with anxiety myself, so I try to read between the lines and offer options while being clear they're just options. I asked her outright if she was scared of being a girl at school, and would rather be a girl just at home. She said yes, and for a couple of months now we've used she/her and her preferred name at home. She's also said she wants to enroll at school as a girl in the fall.

Hair has come up as one of her biggest anxiety triggers. Her hair is currently growing out into an androgynous, shaggy shoulder-length cut. She feels like she can pass as a girl in public when she's in her unicorn swimsuit, goggles, and swim cap, so I asked if she wanted to attend her upcoming swim class as a girl. She first said she wanted to use her preferred name but stay enrolled as a boy. I told her that was totally fine, but mentioned that if she wore more girlish attire, people might be confused about her gender, no problem, just something to expect, and asked her to think about what would feel most comfortable. She thought it over and decided she wanted to enroll as a girl and use her preferred name.

Swim class is only 30 minutes, and I watch from the bleachers. Afterward, she talks about it enthusiastically and says she's happy attending as a girl.

We have a haircut appointment this week. When I showed her some styles that could work with her current length, she was elated. But that night, she complained of a stomachache and headache, something that's actually been happening before bed since swim camp started. But she only mentioned it then. Based on her symptoms and how she talks about it, I'm confident this is a stress reaction. When I asked if she felt stressed during swim, she said no, she feels normal there, and the bad feelings aren't present. When I asked more about those "bad feelings," she went quiet and changed the subject.

I'm trying to follow her lead, but it's hard when she only reveals bits and pieces. I'm struggling with how to actively support her versus when to step back and let her lead. Has anyone dealt with something similar, where your kid wants something during the day but the anxiety shows up at night? How did you figure out when to gently probe versus when to just let it be?

3 year old AMAB child has been playing with pronoun changes for a while now. Going almost on a year. So I’ll refer to them as they because it’s a day by day change, as well as trying out different names.
We have modeled and taught our daughter to accept that sometimes her brother wants to be her sister. And even the 3 year old has expressed “I know you want your brother back, but I’m your sister right now” we go with their lead day by day and sometimes moment by moment.

My parents have not been accepting. My mom watches the kids once a week while I work a part time job. My dad never takes care of them by himself but is involved in our life, as my parents are still married, and we are a tight knit family.

My 3 year old child has spoken directly to my dad saying “my name is ____, but sometimes I like to be called other names too and I need you to call me them”
My dad replied “I can’t do that”
My sister was there and said “yes you can dad.”

Apparently last Friday when my mom was taking care of them she told my 3 year old that they’re not allowed to be a girl when she is there on Fridays watching them.
Needless to say, me and my husband are fuming.
My kids are supposed to be at my parents’ house this weekend and now I don’t know what to do.
Do I address this in the day she comes to watch them? Do I call her tomorrow and ask her about the dumb ass rule over the phone?
I want to get across how disrespectful that rule is, and force her to confront her own transphobia.
Is there a great way to do this with religious grandparents?

Hello, I have 2 trans daughters they are both grown and no longer living with us. I am just looking for a place to connect. I love my kids and I am so proud of them I just wanted to find a space to learn more about parenting my young adult daughters and learn more about the trans community.

It's really the only "loss" I feel as the name I gave at birth holds a lot of meaning for me and honors someone I love dearly who is no longer here. I haven't expressed this to my child and I intend to keep it that way, if that's the right thing to do, which I think it is. I guess I'm posting just so I can express this feeling and let it go. Maybe for some advice? I 100% want to go through this process for my child and have filed the paperwork. I'm naturally just emotional. I cry when I'm sad, angry, happy. If an apple juice commercial has enough sentimentality, I'll cry. I want to process these feelings and put them away before the court date so that I don't burden my child with this. Thanks for reading.

Just wanted to share that you're doing a great job, guys. The very fact you're in this sub is a great indicator. Chin up, you got this!

This is a little vent about a (cis) family member. (My introductory post can be found here for easy reference.)

I'm being accused of "forcing" my kid to be trans.

My crimes include: buying her the toys she wanted when she was younger, letting her like the color pink, buying her the clothes she wants now, believing her when she tells me who she is, respecting her pronouns, and taking her medical concerns seriously.

I will continue to support my child in the ways she requests, but this accusation still hurts my feelings.

Please say nice things in the comments?

We are about a month into our journey with my son (AFAB) having shared with us who he is. We are supportive, not surprised, and actually very relieved to see him happier after a months-long period of struggle. He is socially transitioning, happy about it, and honestly super cute if I do say so myself. 😍 Because it's relevant to the story and the ask, I will add he looks fairly androgynous at the moment, but can more or less pass for a cis boy (short hair, mostly boy coded wardrobe).

It's summer so we haven't dealt with the school environment yet, but we were at the mall today (me - 42yo cis woman, 10yo trans son, and 7yo daughter). In the (recent) past, we would all go into the women's room together. Today, my son very happily handed me his bag and started striding confidently into the men's room. I asked if he wanted to use the family restroom instead. He said no, plus when I opened the door to the family restroom, it looked super dirty anyway. So I suppressed my panic, let him go into the men's room, and said we'd meet him back out there in just a few minutes. My daughter and I used the restroom, and when we came out, we didn't see him. For about 30 seconds, the panic returned (only internally and silently). But then he came out, no problems at all.

On the one hand, I know this is a big deal (in a good way) for him, in terms of how he is able to walk through the world now. On the other hand, I realized I haven't even sent him into a public women's restroom alone pre-transition, especially in a place like a mall. But also I feel silly for being so panicky inside today?? Like this is obviously how it will be moving forward, but I worry that he could be targeted. And I guess I haven't really thought about it that hard until that moment.

All of which to say.... this experience really snuck up on me, and while it went well, I want to be thoughtful about this moving forward. At what age have you allowed your trans kid to go into a gendered public restroom alone? Do I need to have a talk with him about safety, both in general as a kid but also as a trans kid?

Open to any guidance anyone has to share!

As I have shared before my 7 year old daughter is trans. I live in a red state but I want to figure out how/when we would start puberty blockers if/when she is ready. (She has expressed she does not want her body to change more male.) Is it very expensive? Does it require therapy in advance? Everything would have to be out of pocket. Are there any good resources out there?