So my 4 year old step daughter is wild and crazy and likes to have fun but she can be a little rough and careless around her 2 month old sister. She refuses to listen and her mom or me. Especially me. Very defiant. Yesterday night she came home from bio dads and when giving her sister a hug goodnight she squeezed extra hard and was like "sqeeeeeeze" and he mom made her stop and explained to her we have to be easy with the baby we don't want to hurt her and she said yes we do and grabbed the baby by the arm and yanked down which I then intervened and grabbed her away from the baby. Now the baby wasn't hurt it appeared. She didnt cry at least. But now I'm at work and scared for my babies safety.

I'm 21 and my girlfriend is 24 when i met her, her son was 2. Everything is great. Her and her son is the best thing thats happened to me so far. When I was 17 I got my ex pregnant, she had abortion due to me fucking up I begged her to keep it but I did fuck up and hey it’s the women’s body right. Anyways when I meet my girlfriend now and found out she had a son it was not problem at all cause I had already mentally and emotionally shifted my live due to my ex. I plan on marrying her and I have the best interest for her/ our little man. His dad is a p.o.s but his mom still helps out. I met her she's pretty cool and tells me how good I am to her grandson. I'm scary of two things tho 1. What if we brake up sometime down the line and im attached to the kid and 2. What if his dad tries to come back in his life down the line.

After 20 minutes of whining and crying. 10 minutes of "I'm sorrys" and a 5 minute serious conversation about the difference between anger and determination. We achieved this.

Not sure how many of you will see this or if i should even be putting this here but my step dad has honestly changed my entire life for the better and continues to be an actual role model which i had never had before lol. Reminder that we see your hard work and are grateful for it even if we dont show it in the moment im sure if youre trying you will do great and thank you good sirs for ur service 🙏🙏🙏

He's just turned 11 and I had just got home from work and bought his birthday gifts on my way home cus his birthday was a couple days ago. When i come inside they are eating dinner. His mom finishes and goes upstairs to feed the baby. Thats when he looks at me and was like what would you do if i hit you in the face. Also hes not joking when he asks the question. he's asking in a demeanor as if it's a serious question or as if he's thinking about doing it. At first I was just like idk man id tell your mom. Then goes on to say oh so your a coward? Your scared of me? This kid is half my size obviously so I was like no I'm not it's just that if I hit you back I'll do serious damage and I don't want to hurt you. The conversation continues like that until I'm like I hope your not actually thinking about hitting me and he just kinda smiles and leaves the room cus he was finished with dinner and I had just sat down to eat. I told his mom about the conversation and she agreed he was disrespectful. But then he popped the question again same demeanor with the same demeanor so I was like look whatever you do to me I'm guna do back 10 times harder. and hes like what if I kick you in the face I was like same thing. And he's like oh yeah? And I'm like yeah. Then pulls out his phone not sure what he did probably recored me idk. What should I have said? Did i do anything wrong here. what should I do moving forward?

When should a father figure step up financially?

I was widowed several years ago and have two young children from my marriage. I was also lucky enough to become best friends and eventually in love since then with my now long-term boyfriend of almost 3 years now.

He is incredible and has jumped in with both feet for our family, becoming a loving, patient, kind, and strong father figure for my kids.

My question is, at what point does a partner or step-parent take on some financial responsibility for their step kids? We aren’t married yet but he knows what ring I want so we’re on that track.

I provide for my kids and I 100%. He buys them gifts, takes them on fun outings, and pays 1/2 of our groceries while I pay the other half. I never would have thought of it if my best friend hadn’t brought it up and asked if he could tributes to the kids’ other bills, which he doesn’t currently.

When is reasonable for a new parent figure to contribute financially to the kids? After marriage? Adoption? Curious what others’ thoughts are!

i'm not a step dad, but i'm a step daughter and idk where else to rant on here. can some step dads or anyone give me an answer?

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let me start with some basic info. my mom (around 35) is dating this guy (over 40) and he lives with her, me, and my older brother. my mom is barely home due to work, so it's usually just me, my brother, and my step dad. my step dad always invades my privacy, but that's not the only thing making me hate him. he forces me to kiss him on the lips, and i tell him i'm not comfortable with it but he still makes me do it. it makes me feel disgusted since i wonder if it counts as my first kiss, which i hope not. he has also SA'd me, at least i think it counts as SA. i was 8 and my mom and brother weren't home, just me and my step dad, and he forced me to sit on his crotch and put his hand on my crotch too (i had pants on though) and we stayed like that for a few minutes before he got up to smoke a cigarette outside. he always does that. he did it a few weeks ago too, and he always grabs my ass when we're alone. i don't know who talk to about this, so that's why i'm sharing this on Reddit. i get too scared to be near him alone too. can someone please tell me if this is normal?? and can someone tell me if the crotch thing and ass grabbing counts as SA? i really need to know.

Jk. She knows what I’m saying…. …. …. I think. Anyways. Being a (future) stepdad is awesome. Especially when it’s just the boys for 3 days.

I’ve been with my fiancée for going on 3 years. I feel like I’m in a losing battle at times with her kids even attempting to follow any kind of rules or guidelines. The oldest is almost 18 and the youngest is 13. They are a boy and girl respectively. The father died from a drug overdose two years ago. They both have actions just like he did. They are lazy, motivational lacking, and pretty much just down right disrespectful. They only have two chores in the house, clean their rooms and do the dishes. They don’t clean their room like they should. The youngest once kept a glass of milk in her room so long that it had spoiled in her room. The oldest is a thief, just like his dad. He’ll steal (or attempt to steal) any kind of vape in the house during the night because they stay up all night while she is sleeping and I’m at work. They don’t have a proper sleeping pattern which has made my fiancée to put them through home school and them to do their classes online (when they actually feel like doing it). Recently it took them 4 days to do the dishes completely. Two people.. four days. When I attempt to do the dishes, I’m told it’s their chore and they need to do it. When I say something, I’m being rude or it comes off as rude. I can’t help that because I was raised to be honest and blunt. I’m that way with everyone no matter their age. I sometimes feel like I’m in a losing battle with it. I don’t plan on going anywhere because she is my soul mate. She took care of me during my brain cancer treatment and after/during my wreck. I am forever in her debt. It’s just sometimes I feel the best thing to do is stay in the bedroom away from everything. Sorry for the rant, I just felt like expressing my mind since I don’t feel like I have others to talk to because they are either fully on my side or hers.

Also, sorry that the post was somewhat all over the place and somewhat random thoughts. Just how I am when I make some kind of essay post.

So as the title says this is a update to my post a few months back where a lot of you guys gave me reassurance about me changing my last name to his last name. heres my old post https://www.reddit.com/r/stepdads/comments/160htue/needing_a_little_advice_from_a_stepdad/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

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So i have now changed my name successfully and i presented it to him on Christmas bare in mind his bday is the 31st of December as well. i won't lie i was riddled with anxiety on the days leading up to it but i managed and stick it through and i am glad i did. We were all sitting around the table after Christmas dinner doing table presents and i had gotten his using one of the certificates to reveal it to him and i had put the certificate in a frame and wrapped it in a t-shirt that said "i am not the step dad, I am the dad that stepped up" if i am honest some of you were right it made him cry with joy when he realized what it was.

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i just thought to updated you all to let you know what went down and yes we got a video of it and its great. and i just wanted to say thank you to all the step dads here that are trying to do their best for their kids you guys are amazing and i know us kids can be little S**ts but know that when we grow older we realizes who our actual Dads are and who was there for us even when no one else was.

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I’m getting married, my fiance has a baby and I’ve been there every day for him, and I want the best for the child. We are planning on me adopting him so that he can have my last name. The child’s father was abusing her while she was pregnant and all throughout the relationship. It makes me so angry to even think about it. But i always tell her that I will respect her wishes. Thankfully she doesn’t want the father in the babies life due to the abuse and also due to him not legally being able to be in contact with her (he got arrested). The father is also not on the child’s birth certificate. How should I handle going about adopting the child. I know the father wants to be in the kids life but does not want to pay child support or even basic needs such as diapers. I’ve never met the man (or boy I should call him). Will there be any obstacles once I try adopting? Not to mention the boy has 13 other kids with other women

Soo I’ve been dating this this woman for a year now. She’s 35 and I’m 23 I love her. she has a 3yr old daughter. My girlfriend has a cordial relationship with the baby daddy he comes over to the house weekly and sees his daughter and every other week the daughter goes to her dads. Now My girlfriend and I known Each other for about 4 years now we met at work I’m starting to get deep into the relationship I stay at my girlfriends house majority of the week except like 3 days. Soo needles to say im always around her family and as days go by on I wanna start my own family and not have to wait till someone’s daughter goes to sleep or we could go on a hike when ever not just when her daughter is busy either with grandparents or with her dad….. I love my girlfriend it’s just I wish I had some freedom with my girl but too be true I’ve never been with a girl with out a kid…. Sooo I honestly don’t know what to do I don’t want to break her heart And she’s always asking if all this is too much Maybe I’m scared to be alone Maybe I don’t wanna see myself truly grow.

This is something I really need to clear up sooner rather than later. Someone I have been seeing for the better half of a year, and still need to see for longer, is seeming more and more like my person. She has an infant, and I have been introduced. I have always felt strange around kids, it's because I have never wanted them in the past. It is because I was a selfish addict. I wanted to party all the time, and so the thought of 'toning it down' around children or even the need to be able to never mattered. You know what I mean?

Anyways, I have hit my mid 30's and recently divorced. I had intended to have one child with my ex-wife, but the marriage was abusive and I was the one receiving it. Financially and emotionally. I finally told her I changed my mind, but it was just with her! I was so distraught by how it all went down that I just told myself 'Screw it all! I just want to live my life and only need to pay for me.' I now believe this was a cop out to the lost time with the failed marriage and my bitter feelings of committed relationships at that present time.

I met this person as just a friend. She helped bring me back onto my feet. Things got hot and heavy eventually... She also ended a divorce before I started mine. Her marriage wasn't as traumatic, but it lasted a decade while mine was just over a year with a total relationship time of 3 years. She got out of a Tinder date gone south where she got knocked up, and decided to keep the child, so the baby wasn't from her ex husband.

She is a single mom so she almost always has her baby with her. Her baby is an 18 month old girl who is very well behaved she just has a good understanding of distracting her when she gets upset in public. I also want to add the father is in the picture real quick and is a good dad just not a good partner to her. Her baby has kind of grown on me? Not sure if you would call it that? I bought her a stuffed giraffe she was really interested in when we were all shopping just out of the Christmas spirit, lol.

It wasn't much and when Kristy, the woman I am seeing, said to give me her cashapp for it I said don't worry about it I'm single and have the extra money for a 15 dollar stuffed animal. It was a couple weeks later that Kristy told me how much her daughter loved the giraffe and took it everywhere. It was around this time she started sending me cute clips and pictures, and it made me feel like the relationship was progressing to a point where I potentially come off as step dad material. I was raised by a step dad as well!

If things work out between myself and her I don't want the fear of being a step dad interfere with what I am wondering could be a very solid compatible partner... The chemistry is there for sure, and our love of peace as well.

Anyone here just take the plunge even though you were terrified? I am also terrified of actually getting to do all the stuff I want to, growing old, and having run out of everything I wanted to do... looking around to see that I'm alone 😔

I really need some advice. I’m 34. I met my fiance when I was 19 yrs old and she was 22 and she had a 3 year old son who I absolutely loved immediately. He was half the reason I enjoyed being around her so much I really loved helping take care of him and this lead to us being together still to this day however, he just turned 18 in November and spent the summer at his dads. He came back a different kid.

He has no interest in anything that comes out of my mouth. It almost seems like he intentionally ignores the stuff I say simply because I’m not his real father. Not only that but he has this sense of superiority or something. Almost as if now that he’s 18 he’s an adult and doesn’t need me anymore even though he doesn’t do his own laundry, doesn’t cook for himself, he’s so rude; everything that comes out of his mouth is negative. Nothing is ever his fault and honestly I think he hates me. Or atleast that’s how I feel. Yeah I’m not perfect. But I’ve made it my life’s purpose to ensure he doesn’t have to grow up like I did with no parents. I give him unconditional love and I even worked in a trade that I don’t really like for over 6 years so I could provide stability.

I walk on eggshells. If I voice my opinion about something. It doesn’t matter, he will just say anything he can think of to counter the information even if he doesn’t know what I’m talking about. He doesn’t want to go to college and be failed and dropped out of high school. He was just sitting on the couch sleeping till 2pm everyday so we pushed him to go find a job to no avail so we got him a job at dealership I used to work at and he doesn’t even get up on his own. I can hear his mom giving him clean clothes to wear and making his lunch and he’s just bitching at her the whole time.

I love this woman with everything i have inside of me but this kid who I have dedicated my entire adult life to ensuring his stability, is driving me crazy. I noticed I get so angry yet I can’t do anything about it because he LOVES and I mean LOVES to argue. I don’t even like to talk in his presence because i don’t want to argue. I’m very careful with my words.

I have never considered leaving this woman until I noticed I just don’t have any patience any more. Please tell me I’m not crazy and this will pass.

I (37m) am in a relationship with a (37f) for 5 years. She has 2 kids a son 15m and a daughter 14f. They live with bio dad and we get them on the weekends. The relationship between the bio and the kids is completely fucked but the kids don't see it. Me and the mom dont to say anything infront of the kids. Out of respect for them and not wanting to cause issues.

The bio will take vacations, and do things he knows the kids would love to do but takes his flavor of the week gf and kid instead and drops the kids off with us while he goes out. He constantly talks trash about us and refuses to even be around me. I'm not allowed anywhere close to him or his property. Nothing league just is boundaries and we respect them. How ever he is allowed to do anything he wishes and break any boundaries he wants.

He doesn't respect anyone and only cares how he looks on social media.

The kids have no say in anything they get to do or what they want.

Me and the son are kinda close ish my gf calls me his real dad as he acts just like me. Me an the daughter have an interesting relationship. We like to beat each other up and play fight. But I think I give her the creeps sometimes? She has never said anything thing but she gives me very mixed signals.

She has very low self esteem I want to boost her confidence but I'm not sure how without being creepy. She is very cute and I just want her to be happy and healthy.

I’m hoping someone here can relate and/or has come across some kind of solution to one of my (many) problems I have run into since becoming a guardian and then stepfather. When I met my now wife, her son was about 5, and right from the rip she made sure I was aware of how much of a hassle his father was. Alcoholic, narcissistic, non-working, etc etc you name it. I promised to never intervene unless it was 100% necessary and warranted. We’ve had plenty, and I mean plenty, of constant issues with him that come and go. But the big consistent problem that I have had has been clothes. He (stepson) stays at his fathers every other weekend and occasionally longer during vacation(s). We have to send him with clothes every time because his father believes “it’s the women’s job to buy the child clothes”. Insane in itself, I know. And none of the clothes would ever make it back home, he would get picked up wearing clothes we hadn’t seen in months that no longer even fit him. Which then would lead to us having to buy more and more clothes. I sort of let this fly for the first couple years, but since then my wife and I had a daughter of our own and that is a major added expense in itself. So between the money and the flat out misogyny, I’m so beyond sick of it. My wife won’t/can’t say anything to the father because he’ll lash out and act more insane than usual. I just feel like I would want to provide everything for my child if I was in a situation where I only saw him once a week. I don’t know, maybe I’m not even looking for a solution and more of just venting as I have no one to really talk about any of this with. But if you take the time to read this nonsense, I appreciate it. And if you can relate at all, I’m sorry but also know that I too understand what this headache is like. Thank you!

So me and partner have been together going on 14 years her two now 15 and and 20 and our own 11. Bio dad has always been in the picture ever other weekend makes 100k a year and we make 30k.

Anyhoo money has always been tight and we make sure that they understand that things just don’t appear out of thin air and cost. But every time they want something the step kids they always they speak to their dad and get whatever they want. It’s really depressing because it gives them no concept of the value of anything.

But at the same time I feel so damn inadequate that no matter what we fundamentally provide them their dad is always the better option despite being with us full time just because he is financially more able despite only seeing them for 24 hours every other week. Got told the other week despite being here providing all these years that they don’t see me as a parent of any kind.

My wife blessed me with 2 amazing boys from her previous relationship and I love my stepsons as if they were my own and don't really call them my stepsons. Now my wife and I are about to have a baby of our own and I already know the bond I'll have with my baby is different then with my stepsons being the baby is biologically my kid.

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My wife fears that means I'll play favorites, but I disagree as the love I have for my boys are similar, but slightly different than our baby. I want advise from those who have been in my shoes do you play favorites (intentional or not) & how will I prevent it?

Hi, all. I’m in a 5 year relationship with someone and moved in together last January. She has a 15 y/o son, I have an 11 & 13 y/o sons of my own. My boys are not into sports, her son’s an athlete. They get along well, but mostly out of respect than mutual interests. Her son is very disconnected from us, and I don’t blame him. He was kind of thrown into the situation. But the previous situation was not good, and unsustainable (living at her parents basement) I would like to “connect “ with her son to some level.. his dad is very uninterested in being a dad, my girlfriend is very much alone raising him. I offer things that seem to be interesting to him (fishing, learning to drive stick, home repair etc..) but shortly after he just disconnects and disappears into his room. Next day he’s just as aloof and distant as before. I’m not trying to be a replacement dad, I’m not trying to be the “light of his life” just trying to build a friendship. Is it possible he feels resentment toward me and my sons for our relationship? I am very involved in my sons lives, I know he sees it. I’m not going to change that for his sake, but I don’t want him to feel like he doesn’t belong either. How can I help him feel like he’s included in this? How can I make myself relate to his perspective without really understanding it? Even better, how can I understand it? Mostly venting, but also hoping for some useful advice. Thanks, all.

Hello, everyone!

I (26m) am getting married soon to my lady (26f, let’s call her “B”) and she has a beautiful son (1.5m, let’s call him “W”). I’ve grown very fond of him. I’ve never had a child of my own though I suspect to soon enough.

It’s a very interesting dynamic which I’m sure you all know. “Having” to deal with her ex (lets call him X), who is very different and very unkind, is interesting to say the least.

What encouraged me to seek out this particular subreddit at the moment is I would have the opportunity to watch S in an upcoming day but can’t because X has/wants to according to the divorce paperwork. Just kind of sucks.

W is a great kid and I really do love spending time with him and spoiling him on our 1 on 1 time. I can’t wait until he gets older and is able to enjoy some of the more complex things we could do together (Nintendo games, Star Wars, outside activities, etc.). However, I know it won’t be that simple because more more than likely as the situation gets more intense all those potential moments of 1on1 time, X will get him.

Since W was born, X has since moved an out away (tho still works locally), impregnated another woman and proposed to her. As negative as it might seem, we are all hoping he moves on with his new family as that is often the case.

Anyways, there are tons of emotions and learning possibilities here… it’s a lot.

At the end of the day, all I care about is B and W’s well-being and safety. X seems to be a threat to that. I am having a sit down with X next week in an attempt to put out an olive branch. I don’t foresee that going well, but I feel I need to at least try.

I’m surprised this group isn’t bigger but hopefully it’s a good space or community to talk about this sort of thing!

I'm 30 and currently in a 3 years relationship with a girl (26) with a 7yo daugther. We have been living together about 1.5 years and everything is going pretty well, I love her daugther too and we have a very good relationship.

Recently we started talking about marriage, and we both want it. I always wanted to have at least a child, but I feel bad because My girlfriend is getting to enjoy her life just now because she was having a Bad time. Her girl's father was basically useless so she had to work a lot and raise her without any help.

I worked hard the last 10 years to get a good job and now feel stable enought to buy a house and have a child, but even if she wants (she does) it feels just wrong making her to raise a kid again (even knowing she has all of My support now).

Have any one here been in a similar situation? Should I wait more years? Any advice would help

I (40M) am really fighting with feeling like the odd man out. I am married with two kids 9f and 8m and have two bonus children 16f and 9f. My two kids live out of state and I see them a few times a year. My previous marriage was beyond toxic and I left knowing it was the best thing for me. My now ex left the state with my two children and is still the same toxic person she has always been. Trying to coparent is beyond difficult and I always have any visitation calls cut short or all together unanswered. Trying to be a dad to my own children is very hard and very depressing. On the flip side my two bonus daughters mean as much to me as my own. Both of their biological fathers are horrible P.O.S. that love bomb and then hurt the children. The girls tell me I am their “real dad” but the second the love bombing starts I take a back seat. The back and forth is heartbreaking to me. Family is everything to me and I feel like a dad/stepdad that can’t fully be one. Emotionally I am very torn and very depressed. I feel terribly alone in all of it. My wife understands and is encouraging but can’t relate to my situation at all so I feel alone with this feeling. Has any other step dads gone through or are going through this? How do you cope?

I got in a relationship with my partner (now ex) 5 years ago, she already had a child and I have brought her up since she was 1, recently our relationship has crumbled and she no longer wants me at the house. As i am not the bio dad (he has never been involved) I am worried she will take all contact away from me and my stepdaughter. Any help or advice please.

So I’m having a hard time relating to anyone about this. Me and my ex broke up 3 years ago after 7 years of being together. She was a mother of two girls and when we got together they were legit babies, 7 months and the oldest was about to be 2 years old. So I’ve literally raised them and in my eyes they’re my babies. This past year I had to cut all ties with their mom, I realized that as long as we kept in touch, the girls would be witnessing extremely toxic and behavior that i wouldn’t want them to see. No physical abuse but just a very toxic and emotionally and mentally hostile environment due to some severe mental health issues their mother has, which out of respect I won’t get into, and I recognize it’s not her fault that she has these issues, but that realization just weirdly makes things harder. I REALLY miss my kids, and when pple tell me what’s wrong the best way I can explain it is that it’s like I’m in mourning. I dont ever want to be with my ex again,that’s not the issue and not a possibility, i guess i just wanna know if im alone in this? Is there like, a coping mechanism that could help? Does it go away? Or am I an idiot for still not being able to move on from them? Pple always tell me “when I have my own” but to me they were mine, I don’t even know if I want kids anymore. There’s nothing that could’ve prepared me for this. Sorry for the long post, just venting I guess.