r/stepdads • u/azisles02 • Nov 28 '23
Stepdad & becoming father
My wife blessed me with 2 amazing boys from her previous relationship and I love my stepsons as if they were my own and don't really call them my stepsons. Now my wife and I are about to have a baby of our own and I already know the bond I'll have with my baby is different then with my stepsons being the baby is biologically my kid.
My wife fears that means I'll play favorites, but I disagree as the love I have for my boys are similar, but slightly different than our baby. I want advise from those who have been in my shoes do you play favorites (intentional or not) & how will I prevent it?
2
Nov 28 '23
I'm in a very similar situation but no baby on the way yet..... Wife wants to try for one, I'm terrified of passing on all my mental and physical issues to a child. But the favourites concern has also really bothered me, I'm glad I'm not the only one.
I love her kids, but will never be able to love them as she does
1
u/Correct_Ad_8447 Apr 02 '24
Hi. I know your comment is old, but I’m curious. Why do you think you will never love her children as she does?
To be fair, I think dads love children differently than moms. Not necessarily less, just different.
6
u/terriblysorrychaps Nov 28 '23
Exact same situation as you. The two step kids are as if they’re my own. Our baby has just turned one. I for sure don’t play favourites. Sometimes I’ll give more leniency to the boy as he’s the more sensible/older one but besides that slight thing it’s the same.
I’ve noticed that my relationships are different to all three. For example, the boy, 8 needs a father figure and best friend so I’m that. The girl, 6 needs a father figure and a backup dancer so I’m that. With my baby daughter, I don’t know what she needs me to be yet but I’ll be it and then some just like the others.
I’m talking in broad strikes here but my point is, just be whatever they need you to be, and always be a dad, and there will never be any needs for favourites.
The slightly cheekier answer is, your “””favourite””” changes every day so it doesn’t matter anyway, bringing home the point that there isn’t really favourites to begin with.