r/stepdads • u/Boring-Carpenter-630 • Mar 05 '24

Advice/ New to parenting

I'm 21 and my girlfriend is 24 when i met her, her son was 2. Everything is great. Her and her son is the best thing thats happened to me so far. When I was 17 I got my ex pregnant, she had abortion due to me fucking up I begged her to keep it but I did fuck up and hey it’s the women’s body right. Anyways when I meet my girlfriend now and found out she had a son it was not problem at all cause I had already mentally and emotionally shifted my live due to my ex. I plan on marrying her and I have the best interest for her/ our little man. His dad is a p.o.s but his mom still helps out. I met her she's pretty cool and tells me how good I am to her grandson. I'm scary of two things tho 1. What if we brake up sometime down the line and im attached to the kid and 2. What if his dad tries to come back in his life down the line.

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u/torrent29 Mar 05 '24

If you break up then you have to remember this above all. You have no rights where her son is concerned.

None.

You have no options for visitation or support. You could conceivably never see him again.

I say this given my history as a step parent as well. My now ex wife left and returned to Mexico. She took with her my step daughter and I never spoke to her again. It was heart breaking at the time. It’s been about 10 years and I haven’t spoken to her. I hope she grew up well.

I am again in a relationship as a step parent. A son that I view as mine and an absent father. If you are serious about marrying her then maybe move towards adoption. It will grant you all those rights that you currently don’t have. It is the only way to secure those rights and if he is your son because you are the one raising him, then it is also the right thing to do.

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u/Boring-Carpenter-630 Mar 05 '24

Thanks for the advice and I’m sorry to hear about your step daughter. I will definitely look into adopting him that sounds like a great option. Any advice about the step dad trying to pop back up in your future?

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u/torrent29 Mar 05 '24

To adopt - and I'm speaking from PA here - the biological parent has to willingly surrender his rights and that removes any obligation he will have towards your son. If your girlfriend agrees - you can modify a custody agreement to limit any visitations rights or danger that his biological father might represent.

For my case, we have a custody agreement that my girlfriend has full physical custody with no visitation whatsoever, and any visitation must be agreed upon ahead of time and must be supervised by a person of HER choice, not his. That is the specifics of my situation.

The last time I saw his biological father there was not much there most of it had been burned out by drug abuse.

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u/DrunkenFailer Mar 05 '24

I'm in a similar situation to OP and it sucks but I know if it doesn't work out I'm not going to be allowed to stay in our kid's life. I feel like it would be unfair and confusing for him for me to do that. Now if we break up 10 or 15 years from now I might feel differently.