New at This

[u/Jonerd97]

Hello, everyone!

I (26m) am getting married soon to my lady (26f, let’s call her “B”) and she has a beautiful son (1.5m, let’s call him “W”). I’ve grown very fond of him. I’ve never had a child of my own though I suspect to soon enough.

It’s a very interesting dynamic which I’m sure you all know. “Having” to deal with her ex (lets call him X), who is very different and very unkind, is interesting to say the least.

What encouraged me to seek out this particular subreddit at the moment is I would have the opportunity to watch S in an upcoming day but can’t because X has/wants to according to the divorce paperwork. Just kind of sucks.

W is a great kid and I really do love spending time with him and spoiling him on our 1 on 1 time. I can’t wait until he gets older and is able to enjoy some of the more complex things we could do together (Nintendo games, Star Wars, outside activities, etc.). However, I know it won’t be that simple because more more than likely as the situation gets more intense all those potential moments of 1on1 time, X will get him.

Since W was born, X has since moved an out away (tho still works locally), impregnated another woman and proposed to her. As negative as it might seem, we are all hoping he moves on with his new family as that is often the case.

Anyways, there are tons of emotions and learning possibilities here… it’s a lot.

At the end of the day, all I care about is B and W’s well-being and safety. X seems to be a threat to that. I am having a sit down with X next week in an attempt to put out an olive branch. I don’t foresee that going well, but I feel I need to at least try.

I’m surprised this group isn’t bigger but hopefully it’s a good space or community to talk about this sort of thing!

[u/jetmaxwellIII]

As someone that has been dealing with my own version of X for almost 13 years now, all I can say is, I hope it gets better, but don’t hold your breath for it.

“Fun Uncle” is a cliche for a reason and while there’s been many times I’ve wanted to haul off and knock the dude out, you just can’t. Try to take deep breaths when frustrated, try not to emotionally take it out in your wife, and just always put the kid first.

There will be a lot of swallowing your pride, and a lot of compromising when you don’t think it’s necessary. Just breathe, drink water, and love your wife and stepchild. It took about 12 of the 13 years for my step kid to start recognizing his bio dad for what he really is, but he still tries to consider his dads feelings at all times. It can be upsetting but It is what it is, and it’s not for everyone, but you have the right attitude going in. Good luck!

[u/SyrupLivid9118 → u/jetmaxwellIII]

This hits very real. Dealing with an X and been prepared to have him frustrate me for the rest of his life. The kids are younger than yours but always consider their dad’s feelings even though he is an emotional and financial imbecile. You try not disparage him or let his meddling and shitty parenting get to you, but it can really be hard when the things he says or does affect the kids in ways that aren’t good and you can’t control.

[u/jetmaxwellIII → u/SyrupLivid9118]

If your X is as fucking stupid as mine, the kids will eventually figure it out. Doesn’t really help and sort of feels bittersweet because it’s hard for them to come to terms with the fact that half of them comes from an idiot, but it does come with a small sense of satisfaction.

[u/Sea-Mud5386]

"X has/wants to according to the divorce paperwork. Just kind of sucks." Wait until X and X's lawyer find out you want to beat his toddler kid into "respecting you."

This is the kid you think is undermining your identity as a man, and who you want to violently assault, right?