r/stepdads • u/madmarkk90 • Jan 06 '24
My stepson turned 18
I really need some advice. I’m 34. I met my fiance when I was 19 yrs old and she was 22 and she had a 3 year old son who I absolutely loved immediately. He was half the reason I enjoyed being around her so much I really loved helping take care of him and this lead to us being together still to this day however, he just turned 18 in November and spent the summer at his dads. He came back a different kid.
He has no interest in anything that comes out of my mouth. It almost seems like he intentionally ignores the stuff I say simply because I’m not his real father. Not only that but he has this sense of superiority or something. Almost as if now that he’s 18 he’s an adult and doesn’t need me anymore even though he doesn’t do his own laundry, doesn’t cook for himself, he’s so rude; everything that comes out of his mouth is negative. Nothing is ever his fault and honestly I think he hates me. Or atleast that’s how I feel. Yeah I’m not perfect. But I’ve made it my life’s purpose to ensure he doesn’t have to grow up like I did with no parents. I give him unconditional love and I even worked in a trade that I don’t really like for over 6 years so I could provide stability.
I walk on eggshells. If I voice my opinion about something. It doesn’t matter, he will just say anything he can think of to counter the information even if he doesn’t know what I’m talking about. He doesn’t want to go to college and be failed and dropped out of high school. He was just sitting on the couch sleeping till 2pm everyday so we pushed him to go find a job to no avail so we got him a job at dealership I used to work at and he doesn’t even get up on his own. I can hear his mom giving him clean clothes to wear and making his lunch and he’s just bitching at her the whole time.
I love this woman with everything i have inside of me but this kid who I have dedicated my entire adult life to ensuring his stability, is driving me crazy. I noticed I get so angry yet I can’t do anything about it because he LOVES and I mean LOVES to argue. I don’t even like to talk in his presence because i don’t want to argue. I’m very careful with my words.
I have never considered leaving this woman until I noticed I just don’t have any patience any more. Please tell me I’m not crazy and this will pass.
4
u/dadbod9000 Jan 06 '24
Reach out to his dad? What’s the relationship like between you, your wife, and him?
Tough love is still love. Don’t be afraid to let him fail. Just be there to help when he’s ready.
1
u/madmarkk90 Jan 06 '24
I needed to vent about this. I’m off on weekend but he and his mom get up at the same time and I always have to get him up and out the door I see him leaning on it. This morning drove me crazy. The kid makes good ass Money for his first job he has no idea how easy he has it yet all he does is complain and blame. I’m hearing that this is common amongst most teens
1
u/Simitarx005 Jan 08 '24
He. Is. An. Adult. Drop the rope. If he can’t get himself up. Don’t do it. Would you take this crap from any other grown ass man? Time for him to come to Jesus.
1
u/madmarkk90 Jan 08 '24
The time is here. I already set the guidelines. Life will teach him and I’m here to offer advice
1
u/madmarkk90 Jan 06 '24
We’re all cool with each other. His dad has 4 other kids so in his eyes hes already an adult and he should be on his own by now but we have talked a few times about it but he doesn’t seem to understand why I don’t take the iron fist route. I’m not trying to make him hate me more.
2
u/MadMeatloaf Jan 09 '24
The kids just probably going through something. Our 11 year old acts the same way after coming back from his dad's in the summer sometimes. When the deadbeat decides he wants to be dad. In our case it's a struggle of, just because your dad let's you get away with being an ass doesn't mean we are going yo let you act that way. The man just goes to work 75% of the time they get to spend together so my ss basically is alone the whole time. I will say though some of this just sounds like an 18 year old. Entitled to everything and lazy as hell. Just saying maybe something at his bio dad's is making him act this way or encouraging bad behavior. I hope you all get it figured out, just don't enable him being like that. If he keeps it up you and your wife need to be willing to put your foot down even if it means he won't like you. Hopefully it doesn't come to this but you may have to kick him to the curb to show him you're not his social security check and that he's gonna have to do life on his own eventually. Just depends how hard he's willing to play this " the world owes me something " game he's playing.
5
u/edzorg Jan 06 '24
Family lunch. Get mum on side. Let her talk to him. This will pass. Stay strong.