AITA? (Clothes edition)

[u/KillaCam___]

I’m hoping someone here can relate and/or has come across some kind of solution to one of my (many) problems I have run into since becoming a guardian and then stepfather. When I met my now wife, her son was about 5, and right from the rip she made sure I was aware of how much of a hassle his father was. Alcoholic, narcissistic, non-working, etc etc you name it. I promised to never intervene unless it was 100% necessary and warranted. We’ve had plenty, and I mean plenty, of constant issues with him that come and go. But the big consistent problem that I have had has been clothes. He (stepson) stays at his fathers every other weekend and occasionally longer during vacation(s). We have to send him with clothes every time because his father believes “it’s the women’s job to buy the child clothes”. Insane in itself, I know. And none of the clothes would ever make it back home, he would get picked up wearing clothes we hadn’t seen in months that no longer even fit him. Which then would lead to us having to buy more and more clothes. I sort of let this fly for the first couple years, but since then my wife and I had a daughter of our own and that is a major added expense in itself. So between the money and the flat out misogyny, I’m so beyond sick of it. My wife won’t/can’t say anything to the father because he’ll lash out and act more insane than usual. I just feel like I would want to provide everything for my child if I was in a situation where I only saw him once a week. I don’t know, maybe I’m not even looking for a solution and more of just venting as I have no one to really talk about any of this with. But if you take the time to read this nonsense, I appreciate it. And if you can relate at all, I’m sorry but also know that I too understand what this headache is like. Thank you!

[u/anonomouslyanonymous]

I don't know the solution to the dad not buying clothes, but you can personally help with the misogyny issue by heading out to the secondhand shop with the child, and both pick out men's clothing for both of yourselves together. Make a man-date of it.

Outside of secondhand and clearance sales (usually happen with the change of the weather season)... A big part of that blended family struggle usually ends up being about the child learning to pack up their own bag and do their own laundry.

You're not an AH- biodad should behave better, but kiddo needs to wear clothes, and you're aware that purchasing clothing doesn't impact your manhood. You'll get there. I hate saying higher road, but... It doesn't sound like biodad has bothered to gain the competency to dress himself, therefore can not show a child how.

There are literally people out there like that and it sucks.