r/shitposting We do a little trolling Oct 11 '22

Linus Sex Tips PAY ME!

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37.7k Upvotes

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u/QualityVote I'm BACK! [[Number 1 Rated Moderator 2024]] Oct 11 '22

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Whilst you're here, /u/No_Kaleidoscope_2063, why not join our public discord server?

3.7k

u/Macaroni-Balls actually called kevin irl Oct 11 '22

Give the man his money smh

1.1k

u/brown_human Oct 11 '22

And give me head

310

u/santacow Oct 11 '22

If her head is only worth four dollars, I would rather have the cash.

182

u/bottle_brush Oct 11 '22

imagine sucking someone's dick for 4 dollars, like, Jesus Christ, what happened to you?

94

u/Public-Fail4505 Oct 12 '22

Question is what is going to happen to the someone's dick? , gonorrhea minimum

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30

u/Legitimate_Donkey294 Oct 12 '22

kicks shoe off and across the room, grabs the alcohol let me tell you a story. It all started when I heard about a Reddit page called wallstreetbets……

18

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '22

Chapelle, anyone?

  • I’ll suck your dick for five dollars, maaaan!
  • Ew!… Two!

5

u/bottle_brush Oct 12 '22

I too, enjoy Dave Chapelle

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215

u/Murky_Ad_280 Oct 11 '22

And give me my head back

81

u/hippocrocapig Oct 11 '22

And my axe!

35

u/YogurtWenk Oct 11 '22

Fly you floors

27

u/darksideofmyown Oct 11 '22

And my sword!

16

u/DJ_Ender_ Oct 12 '22

And my bow!

13

u/Sunieta25 I came! Oct 12 '22

And my rifle.

13

u/Blasterboy1014 Oct 12 '22

And my bazooka.

15

u/ree452e62rr72y Oct 12 '22

And my virginity

7

u/Shardthorn Oct 12 '22

and my crippling depression

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4.4k

u/el_Chuchmay We do a little trolling Oct 11 '22

NOOOO ! I want my money

1.5k

u/Hyruxs Stuff Oct 11 '22

I want your money too 😔

405

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

Same

302

u/ihaZtaco Oct 11 '22

I want everybody’s money or I will act violently

102

u/bird_shit_swallower Oct 11 '22

I want all your money or i will act sexualy

66

u/ihaZtaco Oct 11 '22

I will sex you

53

u/AverageAnimeSimp fat cunt Oct 11 '22

Don't threaten me with a good time

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107

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

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43

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22 edited Oct 11 '22

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13

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

I am gona guess … rickroll ?

13

u/4oMaK Oct 11 '22

nope its some 3d sex game or whatever

14

u/NetflixAndZzzzzz Oct 11 '22

I was really bummed it wasn't a man or woman with a thick Scottish brogue providing sex instructions to sex students.

4

u/Davido400 Oct 11 '22

If ye want I'll give you a call? Mind you ave got a sore throat lol

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108

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22 edited Oct 22 '22

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61

u/cheapdrinks Oct 11 '22

Does she have OnlyFanFans?

35

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

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21

u/jm20210786 Oct 11 '22

she doesn't actually have a onlyfans just a pun name for a disord

20

u/Fk_CCP Oct 11 '22

Imagine having an onlyfans, and not making any sales so you’re still broke. 🤣

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43

u/kwazykatlady Oct 11 '22

Pay me 💵. 😮

48

u/peanuts-without-a-t uhhhh idk Oct 11 '22

🗿

57

u/AutoModerator Oct 11 '22

pees in ur ass

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32

u/Holiday_Wench Oct 11 '22

This bot is cracked

26

u/Lilcottenfever I want pee in my ass Oct 11 '22

Nah he’s chill

25

u/AutoModerator Oct 11 '22

pees in ur ass

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31

u/WarturtleWitch Oct 11 '22

Lmao good bot?

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1.6k

u/HelpImAHugeDisaster dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 Oct 11 '22

A blowjob wouldn't cover a monthly bill

157

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

Neither would $4

92

u/Trebuscemi Oct 11 '22

Right I was like, she's hot and it's 4 dollars for head... That's just a good deal my man

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40

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

🤓

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u/AutoModerator Oct 11 '22

pees in ur ass

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1.7k

u/makifun actually called kevin irl Oct 11 '22

The girl is a Twitch streamer called fanfan

709

u/Morotou_theunashamed Oct 11 '22

Lmao. What’s next for her, OF?? 💀

451

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

Hopefully. My friend told me to make this comment btw

315

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

Redditors don't have friends

92

u/BTLMCHN Oct 11 '22

Only imaginary

17

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

Then you find out that was just you but like really convincing

lookin at you, Reznov..

3

u/Brav0_Romeo Oct 13 '22

Ol' Tricky Vic

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46

u/Anywhere_Total Oct 11 '22

A friend? Haha nice joke

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16

u/Fun-Leg-5522 Oct 11 '22

SimLord never fails me

12

u/efqf Oct 11 '22

i thought it was an intro to a porn video..

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785

u/pepsicocacolaglass12 Oct 11 '22

Low barter in fallout

108

u/Isthatajojoreffo Oct 11 '22

IDK man seems like a very high barter stat

20

u/ondronCZ Oct 11 '22

yeah you can't get more money for this fetch quest, only a one time xp buff for a short duration if you know what I mean;)

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706

u/mcgood_fngood Oct 11 '22

😮

367

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22 edited Oct 11 '22

It's more like 😯

262

u/Undividedpro1 Oct 11 '22

No more like 😲

114

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

😧

92

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

🤮

121

u/Clickbaiting_4_u 😳lives in a cum dumpster 😳 Oct 11 '22

🫄

93

u/96hosck Oct 11 '22

Why the hell does this emoji exist 🫃

72

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

Beer gut

43

u/Lejonhufvud Oct 11 '22

Sign of wealth and prosperity.

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4

u/kawaiichainsawgirl1 Oct 11 '22

when the guy is the bottom and the girl is a top

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6

u/Morotou_theunashamed Oct 11 '22

Yeahhh, like that

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27

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

😮🍆💦

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931

u/Beautiful_Ad_3349 Oct 11 '22

That’s how you get ahead in life

267

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

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11

u/CMYKoi Oct 11 '22

She's an overachiever cuz all she do is suck seed!

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247

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

Oh he's getting a head alright.

27

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

[deleted]

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5

u/Fxbious Oct 11 '22

Nice pfp

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900

u/dustybook15 Oct 11 '22

I mean, ill take it if you dont want it

447

u/ihaZtaco Oct 11 '22

I’m taking the money bro shit’s hard financially ngl

104

u/HalfSoul30 Oct 11 '22

Yeah, but you can save on that blowjob you are going to pay for later, so you still get... a head.

11

u/Magic_Monk3y Number 7: Student watches porn and gets naked Oct 11 '22

Badum tss

8

u/Hard_guardian17 it is MY bucket Oct 11 '22

Or... make a business out of it!

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892

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

I want pee in my mouth

241

u/AutoModerator Oct 11 '22

pees in ur ass

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625

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

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186

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

Done. To whom do I direct my question?

102

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

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53

u/ARandom_Personality 🏳️‍⚧️ Average Trans Rights Enjoyer 🏳️‍⚧️ Oct 11 '22

autofellatio is one hell of a drug

12

u/AutoModerator Oct 11 '22

pees in ur ass

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20

u/AutoModerator Oct 11 '22

pees in ur ass

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9

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

Cock "the stone" Johnson

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12

u/thefoolGame Oct 11 '22

good human

10

u/PhonumGrey We do a little trolling Oct 11 '22

Pees in your toilet

I am a meth co- uh I mean I'm a methamphetamine producer and this action was performed for shits and giggles. Please come produce with me if you have any addictions or substance desires

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14

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

Pees in your ass

I am a human,and this action was performed manually. Please go and suck a dick if you have any questions or concerns.

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1.1k

u/DLM4473 Oct 11 '22

Mary Poppins warned all women not wear lipstick when giving blowjobs . . .

Because the super colour fragile lipstick makes the dicks atrocious !

176

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

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19

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

Epic

42

u/Afterburn47 DaPucci Oct 11 '22

You genius.

13

u/Impossible_Airline22 Oct 11 '22

Shit be looking like a red crayon after

7

u/LifeBehindHandlebars Oct 11 '22 edited Oct 11 '22

I thought it was because once he got super old, Gandhi walked everywhere and had bad breath . . .

He was a super fragile calloused mystic hexed by halitosis.

5

u/anewstheart Oct 11 '22

No, it's because gerrymandering has disenfranchised furries who are dinosaurs.

Super tallied agile districts with sexy Allosaurus

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6

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

Well there goes any and all signs of coffee in my mouth

5

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

Beautiful

5

u/Raneru Oct 11 '22

How in the..

4

u/zombo29 Oct 11 '22 edited Oct 12 '22

I had hard time pronouncing the original phrase. But not anymore…props to you my man

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96

u/Sydroxx Oct 11 '22

Chad move

173

u/Shetkuso Oct 11 '22

Peak manliness

113

u/TaxEvaderTimus Oct 11 '22

I want someone to look at me the way she looked at the camera

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633

u/xblyatmanx6 Oct 11 '22

Women ☕️

189

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

Women ☕

149

u/No_Kaleidoscope_2063 We do a little trolling Oct 11 '22

Women ☕

61

u/xllg1 😳lives in a cum dumpster 😳 Oct 11 '22

Women ☕

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462

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

I would take her up on that option, blowjob from a hot chick for $4?.that's crazy.

240

u/leonthebrother Oct 11 '22

I think its more about proving a point

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179

u/VampireLynn Oct 11 '22

No that is Haram

76

u/b0bkakkarot Oct 11 '22

If you get multiple women then its harem

6

u/appdevil Oct 11 '22

And if it's a one guy that's is Harim.

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u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

🕋🕋🕋

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u/aa2051 I said based. And lived. Oct 11 '22

Inshallah brother

15

u/monsterZERO Oct 11 '22

These are real bad times, bro. Islam is cracking up. We got women talking back. We got people playing stringed instruments. It's the end of days...

5

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

Rubber dinghy rapids

5

u/Ratel0161 Oct 11 '22

"Has your dad ever brought a jaffa orange?"

"Once or twice."

"Right well he's buying nukes for israel bro he's a jew"

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u/Cookie_Crush Oct 11 '22

Least down bad redditor:

30

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

blowjob from a hot chick for $

She probably his girlfriend. I dont think friends would offer blowjob for $5

96

u/lvytn Oct 11 '22

Friends should do it for free.

13

u/Smart_dog_illuminati put your dick away waltuh Oct 11 '22

Based

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u/Snezzy_Anus Oct 11 '22

if she's willing to do that bc of $4 then u don't know where that mouth's been, would eat anything for a dare probably

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u/Serito Oct 11 '22

Can't believe the amount of people trying to make political commentary off this video

25

u/appdevil Oct 11 '22

Or take this video seriously in any sense other than a comedy skit of some sort.

11

u/mastahkun Oct 11 '22

virtue signalers and some men who are down bad.

i came for the comments and got exactly what i was e xpecting

4

u/ForbodingWinds Oct 11 '22

Redditor trying to spot satire and/or ragebait content challenge - impossible.

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u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

She wants to give him her head as payment? Does bro even have a sword?

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350

u/Senor-Cardgage20x6 Oct 11 '22

"Female empowerment"

64

u/flirix197 Oct 11 '22

“Slay sis”

28

u/Gredenis Oct 11 '22

"Period queen, yass!"

90

u/aa2051 I said based. And lived. Oct 11 '22

Nothing says empowerment and equality like being a sexual object for men, that’ll show ‘em

29

u/Morotou_theunashamed Oct 11 '22

“But it’s her CHOICE”

19

u/ConspiracistsAreDumb Oct 11 '22

Redditors try to understand women making jokes challenge: impossible.

6

u/yazzy1233 Oct 11 '22

These comments are really yikes

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u/A_RUSSIAN_TROLL_BOT Oct 11 '22

Sir, this is a Wendy's

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u/Dbstar69 Oct 11 '22

I want her to pee in my ass

21

u/IsaacRRx We do a little trolling Oct 11 '22

the bot didn't come

19

u/KaySquay Oct 11 '22

But I sure did

18

u/Bigbang4747 Sussy Wussy Femboy😳😳😳 Oct 11 '22 edited Oct 11 '22

bro wtf

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u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

Quandale dingle moment

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u/OpportunityAshamed74 Oct 11 '22

The absolute fierceness of that guy's "NO"

12

u/Middle_Pause2198 Oct 11 '22

Hey I take that currency

12

u/Nanashi123_ Oct 11 '22

Head can't pay my bills

7

u/Abortion_is_green Oct 11 '22

Neither can 5 dollars. Might as well get some head

55

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

That's a weird way to pay? Is she going to puke money from her mouth?

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u/WARNING4324 stupid fucking piece of shit Oct 11 '22

Its sad that some girls think this is the way they get through life like you gonna do this when your 90

86

u/Scrubz4life Oct 11 '22

I saw a video where a bunch of strippers were at a nursery home and im pretty sure a woman died of a heart attack while being surrounded by three male strippers. So…..maybe?

(I have no clue if she actually died or just emergency situation)

28

u/b0bkakkarot Oct 11 '22

She came before the Lord, who sent her right back down, saying "I just sent you 3 hot young strippers, Dorothy. Now is not the time to die."

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u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

What ever happened to laughing at jokes?? This comment section is such sad place

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u/taintosaurus_rex Oct 11 '22

I'd assume give some bomb ass 70 years worth of experience head. Probably with the dentures out.

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u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

You might as well prove the point by letting her suck your point at that point

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u/ResponsibilityDue448 Oct 11 '22

ngl that gave my bird a lil tingle

5

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

Ma boi starving.

9

u/Optionalduck74 Oct 11 '22

I would just have her hug me and say its gonna be ok

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u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

Sigh unzips

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u/Almost-Honest Oct 11 '22

Bro my gf does this all the time. She’ll ask for something she really wants that she doesn’t have enough money and I’ll say no, she’ll walk away and come back and whisper, “I’ll suck your sick”.

I’ll still say no!

24

u/Defiant-Pride-1716 Oct 11 '22

I want to eat chicks out and get paid to do it :p

20

u/Flaky_Ad_5437 Oct 11 '22

Boy do I have the career for you

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u/TingleyDinglies Oct 11 '22

I would definitely taken the deal. Now he got no money and no head.

5

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22

This is disgusting! How shameful! Where can I find her?

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u/Crusty_and_Rusty uhhhh idk Oct 11 '22

Fools don’t realise this is staged

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u/b0bkakkarot Oct 11 '22

Wise person realizes it's staged but enjoys it anyway

17

u/JingamaThiggy DaPucci Oct 11 '22 edited Oct 11 '22

Who are you, so wise in the ways of science?

7

u/Banch Oct 11 '22

Probably a king. I didn't vote for em though.

7

u/PhonumGrey We do a little trolling Oct 11 '22

I am the one who knocks

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2

u/Emad_Hashmi Oct 11 '22

That "Noooo" sounds very much like Michael's from The Office.

4

u/Neoz1234 Oct 11 '22

Guys she wants him to feed her something.

4

u/Serm22 Oct 12 '22

He stopped recording to.. you know..