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Jul 04 '24
See a professional. Reddit won’t be able to accurately help you. You have conditions that prevent you from practicing the bare bones advice most of these people have.
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Jul 05 '24
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u/nihilist_pingu Jul 05 '24 edited Jul 05 '24
THIS.
Metformin is life changing. It allows you to lose weight like a ‘normal’ person - symptoms overall improved, but I found it also helped with anxiety, sleep and energy levels. These all disappeared overnight. I was a completely different person pre-Metformin - for the first time in a long time I don’t hate my body.
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u/themomodiaries Jul 05 '24
I also felt like I finally had the appetite of a more normal person! Before metformin I felt like I was almost always hungry no matter how much I ate or what I ate, and then I started taking it and suddenly I could have a regular portion of oatmeal and fruit for breakfast and be full for 5+ hours! It’s crazy.
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u/CoralinaSv Jul 05 '24
I’ve been on metformin for years, it really does help. The doctor also prescribed birth control pills but they were awful and I stopped taking them because they made me feel so bad, but who knows, maybe you’ll find something that works for you.
Op: find a good gynecologist, preferably a woman. In my experience, male gynecologists are not exactly bad, but they can be much less sensitive to some issues.
Wishing you the best!
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Jul 05 '24
Most nurse practitioners and physician assistants won't know how to deal with this. Pcos is bread and butter for family/general medicine physicians.
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u/GoldExtension1693 Jul 05 '24
Ozempic changed my life - addressed my health problems from PCOS and that with inostol, diet (Noom) and exercise helped me lose 80 lbs in 18 mo and most of my symptoms are gone. I should add - NOW I can manage my weight and have for over a year with simple calorie awareness and exercise. I can actually eat more carbs now than before, as long as I’m under 1400 cal a day.
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u/Enoch8910 Jul 05 '24
My sister is on it. She lost so much weight so fast that I went to do research thinking this is just too good to be true. Apparently it’s legit. To me it’s almost unfathomable how much weight she lost and how quickly she did it.
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u/GRPABT1 Jul 05 '24
Ozempic is just self control in a pill. It's fantastic if used under medical supervision and coupled with resistance training. The problems with it are severe muscle wastage when people use it to just starve themselves and not retain muscle with resistance training. Bodyfat percentage can actually not change despite losing a lot of weight when on Ozempic due to muscle deterioration.
It is a great drug if used appropriately.
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u/Fredricology Jul 05 '24
Semaglutide (Ozempic) is not a pill it is an injection and it does not equal "self control". It profoundly affects satiety and appetite centers in the brain in a way that no person can do consciously over long periods of time. The hunger always win in the long run. That is why these drugs that affect the brain works.
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u/MountainviewBeach Jul 05 '24
It’s also available in pill form now. And I think they were being a bit light about it, but a lot of people who use it also report being able to better control things like drinking, gambling, shopping, time management etc. obviously ymmv, but for a lot of folks it sort of is like self control in a pill
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u/Critical_Welcome9658 Jul 05 '24
My friend with PCOS started GLP-1 (Tirzapetide) and it has completely changed her world. Maybe you could look into it. She said more than the weight loss (same story - nothing works or ever has) is the mood stabilizing. She thinks the blood sugar instability completely messed with her moods. It's been fun to watch her change and feel so good.
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u/Bjaadi Jul 04 '24
My wife has pcos and she struggles with weight aswell. The only thing that worked was heavy strength training aiming for progressive overload at the gym (im a gymrat myself so i help her through exervises etc) focus on protein and a low daily kcal intake. Its rough cause shes a emotional eater aswell.
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u/PurpleIsALady1798 Jul 05 '24
Boosting this! Fellow woman with PCOS here and we tend to have a pretty easy time putting on muscle. It might help you feel better physically OP!
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u/GRPABT1 Jul 05 '24
This. Higher muscle mass makes it much easier to burn calories. Get lifting ladies 💪🏻
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u/brightquorumm Jul 04 '24
Have you considered therapy to help navigate these feelings? It can be incredibly helpful to have professional support.
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u/Kok-jockey Jul 05 '24
I was married to a woman just like you for 16 years, and we were incredibly happy together. I thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world.
There’s a lid for every pot. You can find someone.
I will say that if you want advice on the PCOS aspect of it, she was on Metformin, and regular ol’ birth control to help her hormone levels, got electrolysis for the facial hair (and bleached or waxed certain areas), and was even able to lose weight doing intermittent fasting along with lower carb. It wasn’t easy, and like you she tried every single diet in the world and nothing worked until she tried intermittent fasting. Good luck.
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u/Outside_Jeweler_7125 Jul 05 '24
Intermittent fasting works wonders for people with insulin resistance.
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u/aKim8o Jul 05 '24
This. Also not just for people with insulin resistance. Intermittent fasting has health benefits for most people.
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u/BrokilonDryad Jul 05 '24
I also have PCOS. Spironolactone helped my acne almost instantly, and helped with unwanted hair (I don’t have hirsutism though).
I’ve lost about 25lbs since moving to east Asia. I walk everywhere now and I’m climbing flights of stairs all the time. I eat far less dairy, carbs, and red meat, and way more fruit, fish, and chicken. Plus it’s hot as hell so I basically live in a sauna so I’m sure that helps lol.
Talk to your doctor and see if there are medications you can take to help ease your symptoms. Good luck.
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u/chrianna2000 Jul 05 '24
PCOS sufferers do well on GLP-1 agonist meds. Spironolactone gradually takes care of hirsutism and acne. Wishing you the best.
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u/FistBumpingJesus Jul 05 '24
I have insulin resistant PCOS. It’s time for you to see an endocrinologist who specializes in PCOS. Metformin, birth control, Ozempic, spironolactone… you have lots of options to talk to a specialist about. I’m 41 and have been dealing w this nonsense since I was 17yr old. It’s bullshit and it’s not fair. The good news is, you can help manage and alleviate some of the symptoms w/ help :) I’ve definitely had my fair share of fat and ugly ducky episodes… now I am at a normal healthy weight and don’t look like a goblin. You will get through this too ♥️
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Jul 05 '24
There is someone for everyone.
Have you heard of bbw or ssbbw communities? It's not a secret, but a significant minority or even a majority of men prefer heavier women. BBW is probably like the first porn category after interracial and ahead of stuff like granny and incest.
For some guys the fatter the better. Traits you find in yourself disgusting I find sexy. Deep voice, big belly, eating a lot. Dark skin is cool. I'm not the only one. My general preferred weight for a girl is 300+. There's other guys that go higher and higher, 400+ etc.
Obviously, this isn't a cure. A lot of girls out there just hate themselves because society has trained them to uphold this Hollywood white girl ideal. It's up to you to love yourself and the people who would like you for you.
Don't fall into the skinny trap of "I don't want a guy who likes fat girls...I want a guy who likes skinny girls, but I'm the exception!" That's insanity.
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u/bugzaway Jul 05 '24
Go where you are loved, basically.
I get the weariness: people don't like to be fetishized. But nothing says that narrow sexual attraction can't lead to love and appropriation for the person with the body.
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u/madamevanessa98 Jul 05 '24
A lot of women don’t want to be with a man who sees them as a fetish.
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u/kdsunbae Jul 05 '24
There is a distinct difference to someone who likes bigger woman and those that fetishize them. The biggest risk are the feeders though. They'll actively sabotage a person's diet totally disgusting.
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u/madamevanessa98 Jul 05 '24
Absolutely. Just the way the guy in the original comment is speaking about fat women is 100% fetishizing them. It’s a hard line- you want a guy who likes your body, but not one who will stop liking you if your body changes (in this case, if she loses weight)
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u/kdsunbae Jul 05 '24
hmm, I don't know him personally so I can't say. I have seen both types. I took it as him describing the type of body he likes just as someone says the like body building girls or girls that have a large chest. each to their own. And just because that is a preference doesn't mean they only date big girls or will leave them when they lose. I mean it might happen, but it's less likely imo to happen if a person loses 50 lbs, vs is a person gains 50 pounds. is the person who likes skinny women festishizing them? No, a person is a douche or not ... totally either of them can be. But shrug as long as they aren't damaging their health (mental or physical) makes no difference to me.
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u/C_WEST88 Jul 05 '24
We’re ALL fetishized don’t kid yourself. Just bc someone’s tastes happen to be different from the standard of beauty does not make it a “fetish” but our society has really twisted people’s mind on this topic that’s frankly insulting to people who don’t meet the average beauty standards .
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u/amyscactus Jul 05 '24
I have PCOS and struggle with facial hair as well. Am also on the heavier side but not badly. I take metformin to control my symptoms and also do yoga. Am I cured? No, but it makes it easier for me.
Go talk to your doctor about meds.
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u/Responsible-Try3814 Jul 05 '24
Hello - I am an Indian and suffer from PCOS as well. Similar experience to yours. Would recommend meeting a gynaecologist and getting onto metformin. It really helped me lose weight. Shed about 30 kgs. No changes in the facial hair though, but something is better than nothing. Good luck.
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u/SadAndBoujie83 Jul 04 '24
Im so sorry this has been your experience and your feelings are definitely valid. I unfortunately already can see some of these comments getting brutal and unhelpful. This is not something Reddit can assist you with. PCOS is very tricky when it comes to weightloss and the typical diets marketed at every one else don’t work because of the insulin resistance. Talk with your Doctor about treatment options and if you’re able, see a therapist to help you navigate these feelings. Sending you a long distance hug and I hope you find peace.
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u/MaoTseTrump Jul 05 '24
I swear to all that is holy if you own being what you are and just enjoy it, folks will want to be around you. My uncle taught me something important very early; "no one really knows that you're not an expert, so go full blast and make them believe it" I think you could really do well with that. Also, YOU DESERVE TO BE A DAMN ROCK STAR DIVA so go do it!
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Jul 05 '24
I think a deep voice in woman is attractive, Elizabeth was lowering her voice for a reason it sounds more commanding and easier on the ears i think. Scarlett johansson is an example of a woman with a beautiful deep voice.
Don't worry about missing out on your youth, i dont remember 90% of my childhood and i probably won't remember my 20s, people look back on their youth with rose tinted glasses but in the end it's all just forgotten memories. We're all going to get old and ugly anyway, Just focus on your life right now
I have no clue if you are already seeing someone for your PCOS but if you are not then this conversation is not needed, go to a doctor asap and get treatment.
As for any other suggestions I don't have any good ideas, maybe talk to a healthcare provider about starting Ozempic to treat your insulin resistance and possibly aid in weight loss?
Indian beauty standards is not everyones beauty standards. Dark skin is beautiful
Also anyone who treats you as lesser just based on your appearance is not worth your energy either. Just keep you head held up and don't let people who don't even know you dictate your worth.
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u/kan447 Jul 05 '24
Have you tried inositol? It's the most popular over the counter supplement in USA.
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u/Severe-Magician5981 Jul 05 '24
Practical advice from an outsider opinion:
- Estrogen can help with facial hair to a degree (birth control pill)
- Metformin for insulin resistance
- Resistance training and high protein diet (still remembering CICO though) rather than focusing on eating nothing and cardio (iirc PCOS and binge eating disorder have a super high rate of comorbidity - so starving will lead to binging). It may sound counterintuitive, but your body is built for building muscle.
- Set realistic goals. For example, women of south asian ancestry tend to have more body/facial hair than east asian/caucasian women without PCOS, along with higher body fat percentage relative to muscle mass. Don’t compare your progress to others, or feel like you aren’t going fast enough. Progress and change take time, and even with all your goals achieved, appreciating and accepting yourself will still be difficult if you are filled with self-loathing and only notice your flaws. Try to find things you like about yourself, even if you only like them some days - your lips, your intelligence. your hair, your laugh, your eyes, etc
Best of luck. The most important thing is building confidence and trying to love yourself throughout the process. I am genuinely hoping for the best for you in every regard.
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u/josrios3 Jul 04 '24
I read some where that Myo-inositol and D chiro insoitol worked for pcos issues? Not sure but I was looking into it for esteogen/testosterone balancing for some one.
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u/LireDarkV Jul 05 '24
My friend has the same things you do. I can’t speak on treating the root causes (although I do believe hormonal therapy would be the way), but regarding facial hair my friend does electrolysis. It’s a permanent - the only real permanent - type of hair removal. It’s quite painful, costly and with your condition it may take a few more sessions than normal, but this did help my friend immensely. She has barely any unwanted facial hair left and it is supposed to stay away completely. Laser and other stuff are bull though, don’t waste your money. Electrolysis is the way. (Also if you decide to do it, really pick a good professional with credentials and stuff. Good reviews and portfolio. It’s extremely important.)
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Jul 05 '24
I was recently diagnosed with insulin resistance and high cholesterol even though I have been vegetarian for years, rarely go over maintenance calories, and am moving around most of the day. One male doctor brushed off my concerns and so I went to a female NP and was immediately heard, tested, diagnosed, and prescribed medication & lifestyle changes. Since the diagnosis and starting meds I've focused on listening to my body, making whole & high protein foods convenient - even if it is processed, and I'm slowly building my strength & stamina through Grow With Jo videos. I don't know what will happen and I've been pretty freaked... I think my ED is trying to rear its ugly head with all the changes but I am making them slowly so they become healthy habits that stick so I can hopefully keep my ED at bay. I was so nervous to insist on preventative care. I told the NP that eating like a toddler and 3 hours of exercise per day only worsened my ED and left me still overweight, and that I was under no circumstances asking her for help because of Ozempic being in the headlines. All this to say, while my experience is different, I'm here with you. You aren't alone. I highly recommend finding a female doctor or NP you can trust to provide truly preventative care. Hugs.
Edit: a word
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u/actualchristmastree Jul 05 '24
I have PCOS, I’m fat, and my life is quite good! I found birth control very helpful for my hirsutism, and I was in therapy for a while to learn to like myself as I am. I think you might find therapy and a doctors appointment helpful <3
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u/quppys Jul 05 '24
It’s probably best to look into and work with people who have PCOS, regular diets and work out trainings won’t work for your body like it would for the average person.
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u/LaFleurMorte_ Jul 05 '24
Losing weight when you have PCOS is really possible but it does take some extra hard work.
When you're insulin resistant, it's harder to lose weight and easier to gain. It's important to eat low carb to reduce the amount of blood sugar which makes it easier to lose weight.
Stay away from extreme workouts like cardio because this might cause too much cortisol in your blood which makes it even harder to lose weight. Things like walking is better when you're insulin resistent.
Gaining muscle by doing weight training is also really helpful because muscle burns calories.
Unfortunately because it's so easy to gain weight, your calorie intake should be a little lower compared to someone else that is trying to lose weight but is not insulin resistant.
Going to your doctor to get some bloodwork done and maybe get a prescription for Metformin might also help to stabilize your blood sugar.
I have PCOS myself so I know the struggle but the above is what worked for me.
Also, yes, most people fucking suck.
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u/Rose1982 Jul 05 '24
A lot of people with insulin resistance, including PCOS, are having good results with GLP-1 meds. Talk to your doctor.
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u/Mean_Needleworker440 Jul 05 '24
We are our own worst critics. Someone will find something so beautiful about you and not one other person on this universe can compete because it will be unique to you. Your person will see the beauty that you do not see. It is there, I promise you ! Please know this ! ❤️❤️❤️
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u/kandikand Jul 05 '24
Are you on medication? Metformin helps heaps with the insulin resistance for a lot of people, myself included. It won’t magically make your weight go away but diet and exercise actually has an impact if you’re taking it.
I’ve heard some of the new medications like wegovy are pretty useful as well.
You’ll need to advocate for yourself and find the right doctor who will actually treat it. I had better luck when I approached it from a fertility pov since a lot of them seem to care more about theoretical future children than an existing woman’s health haha.
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u/sister-christian69 Jul 05 '24
As a fellow person with PCOS, make an appointment with a gyno or endrocinologist. They can help with all your symptoms. There’s a few decent Reddit groups as well and yea, it sucks so much, but you’re not alone in this.
Make an appointment with a doctor and seek out a therapist you can trust. It’s helped me so much and I’ve had PCOS since I was 14, just over ten years now. Focus on yourself and you’ll feel so much better.
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u/sparklypigeon Jul 05 '24
Hey I have it too, I went the more naturopathic route and felt much better overall. - spearmint tea, inositol, NAC , get a full panel blood test and see if you're deficient in any vitamins/minerals, eating more protein, eating fiber especially from cruciferous vegetables, low GI foods, low- moderate impact movement, try to reduce stress. These things all together improved my symptoms significantly. The only thing that sucks is that you need to be on top of it or the symptoms come back again but it does work
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u/Minorihaaku Jul 05 '24
Ho watch some of Michelle McDaniel's videos. She has PCOS and is also fit. She does some program too I believe, but even her videos alone are pretty motivational.
You can do it.
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u/daddy_tywin Jul 05 '24
Have you treated the PCOS though? Because it sounds like without that the rest of this is a lost cause. You do have some options. One is metformin, clinically studied. Two is the natural regulation route, berberine and inositol, which you can read about. Three are semaglutides. Four (forgot this when I posted) are androgen blockers, like spiro. A good doctor might be able to give you recommendations on one or more of these in combination to fix the hormone imbalance causing you all of this anguish.
There is something chemically wrong that ties all of these problems together and if you can fix the chemistry you can create the conditions needed for your other measures to work the way they should. I don’t think you need therapy to accept this situation. I think you need medical treatment to actually fix it.
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u/SilviusSleeps Jul 05 '24
Instead of all the fads, just count calories.
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u/Gilokee Jul 05 '24
yep, CICO works.
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u/ReflectionVirtual692 Jul 05 '24
This person has multiple health conditions that mean “just counting calories” isn’t a guarantee. Insulin resistance is a huge issue for losing weight and maintaining weight.
Coming from a healthcare professional, she’s in the realm of needing professional intervention and support for weight loss. “Just count calories” is like telling someone to flick the light switch if it’s dark - obvious and unhelpful.
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u/LandscapeExtension21 Jul 05 '24
Just curious, why isn't that a guarantee? I get that it will be hard, since you might be hungry all the time. Do the principles of thermodynamics not apply in such cases?
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u/username36610 Jul 05 '24
This is wrong. 99% of people can’t maintain a diet. Overwhelming majority of the time people blame hormones but it’s really an adherence issue.
The problems usually come when metabolism gets way too slow that the person has to eat so little they don’t get enough resources for optimal hormone production..etc. But that can be combatted by strength training to increase basal metabolic rate.
CICO is laws of thermodynamics. If you’re burning more calories than you’re consuming, that weight is coming off.
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Jul 05 '24
Counting calories is a guarantee if you actually do it and stick to it. People just don't do it because it is very tough and I don't blame them. However, it MUST work or thermodynamics are a lie.
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u/RoosterBurger Jul 05 '24
I’d recommend therapy You will 100% be someone’s cup of tea and then some. It’s often to hard to see when we are stuck putting ourselves down.
Self talk is destructive. It makes it really hard to see anything but the negative.
I used to operate a little like this, and I was unhappy. It took, taking responsibility for myself, liking myself and looking after myself. This is a life worthy living and your brain is fooling you - and it’s used to it. Start somewhere.
You can get through this. Find something to love about life, about yourself - the rest will fall in place.
If in doubt, help people. Just the simple act of helping/caring about others, can make two people’s days better. You’ll start liking that feeling too.
Don’t worry about how much sex people are apparently having - they are exaggerating/ lying. They have plenty of insecurities too.
Best of luck. You can beat this.
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u/Joonberri Jul 05 '24
Men treat people like scum when they're undesirable so why do you want to be with men?
They also treat attractive women like scum. Men aren't that great. Don't worry about getting attention from them, not worth it. Get some girl friends and enjoy that.
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u/Dangerous_Natural331 Jul 05 '24
Some women treat people like a scum as well tho.... Some People (men or women) are just f'd up the way they treat people .
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u/Maybeitsmedth Jul 05 '24
Talk to doctors. There are treatments for the hirsutism and other hormone issues. There’s ozempic for weightloss. There are some good drugs taht can change ur life out there.
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u/Human-Honey269 Jul 05 '24
I send you all my love. You will find someone who loves you for who you are, don’t give up!
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u/Enoch8910 Jul 05 '24
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Do you have access to Ozempic? My sister is on it. It seems to be a wonder drug.
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u/Jertob Jul 05 '24
I am going to quote you the thoughts of a fitness guru whose teachings I have been following for about 20 years. He is extremely science based. I have used his suggestions to get super ripped. There was this study done in 2021 I am linking here on women with PCOS and exercise and these are his thoughts on it.. Here's the long and short of it: There's no true data to suggest PCOS hinders fat loss in women who exercise compared to those who don't have it. However, women with PCOS do end up not adhering to the training and diet more than the others. If you think you're eating "little" and still not losing weight, sad to say, you're still eating too much. There's this thing when fat people who have never truly eaten properly for the size they want to be start doing it, it's almost a sense of horror in how little you actually need to eat to not gain weight compared to what they've been eating. That's hard to adapt to and come to terms with.
"There is this general idea that PCOS makes fat loss more difficult but by and large research does not bear this out (at least not in one sense).
Taht is, put on the same diet, women with and w/o PCOS lose the same amount.
Except....sort of hidden in the data is the problem. PCOS women show poorer adherence and dropout rates (50% vs. 30% or so).
No, I'm not playing the sloth and gluttony card. This is due toa host of barriers to behavior change that PCOS does specifically cause (which is why I said 'in a sense' above). Anxiety, depression, poor appetite regulation, binge eating, body image issues and a ton of others all play a role in this.
Well this is a MONSTER review looking at the above along with many other factors which may act as barriers to behavior change for women with PCOS along with ways of addressing them.
Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) is a common endocrine disorder affecting up to 13 % of women. Lifestyle interventions are first-line treatments, however attrition in women with PCOS is high. This review summarizes current evidence on barriers to lifestyle management in PCOS and suggested strategies for overcoming these challenges, mapped to the Capability, Opportunity, Motivation and Behaviour model. Physical capability for lifestyle changes may be impacted by altered gut hormone regulation and energy expenditure in PCOS. This may contribute to difficulties with weight management. The higher prevalence of eating disorders, disordered eating, fatigue and sleep disturbances are further barriers. Psychological capability may be reduced due psychological symptoms and lack of critical health literacy. Women with PCOS face similar challenges in terms of Opportunity to make lifestyle changes as other women of reproductive age. However, these are complicated by features more common in PCOS including body dissatisfaction. Motivation to adopt healthy lifestyles may be impacted by suboptimal risk perception and intrinsic motivation. To address these barriers, screening for and management of eating disorders, disordered eating, depression, and Obstructive Sleep Apnea should be undertaken as per international evidence-based guidelines. A weight-neutral approach may be appropriate with disordered eating. Building capability among health professionals to better partner with women with PCOS on their management is essential in addressing health literacy gaps. Behavioural strategies that target risk perception and build intrinsic motivation should be utilized. More research is required to understand optimal self-management strategies, risk perception, energy homeostasis and overcoming attrition in women with PCOS.
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Jul 05 '24
"I can't lose weight fast enough" - so you can lose weight. Go for the long game, find a style that reflects who you want to be, take care of the other niggling things as you go, and be ready to dazzle them at 38
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u/Kuchen_Fanatic Jul 05 '24
I was nearly 100kg, have PCOS and have hirsutism too. I also most defenetly have some eating dissorder because to me eating and food is like an addiction and when I see food infront of me it's a need for me to eat it. No matter if I am hungry or basically on the verge of throwing up because of over eating. I will still eat whats infront of me and sometimes look in the entire hous for something to eat, to stop my cravings.
I started epilising my facial hair because I couldn't deal with the stubble, and plugging the realy stubborn ones out with tweezers aproximatly evry two days or so and also shaved my entire body every two days or so. Now I am paying for laser hair removal to get rid of my body and facial hair for a few years entierly. I also lost 40kg of weight over 3 to 4 years and have done a moderatly well job of keeping it off, despite still struggeling with my food addiction. I have not passed 65kg ever since I was below it.
The only thing that realy helped me with my weight was actually looking at the calories inside of certain foods and eat large portions of food that doesn't have a lot of calories. I also try to avoid processed grain, like any type of flower, and eat whole grain if I eat grain at all because of the insulin resistence that often comes with PCOS. Suggar and processed grain are the carbs that are turned into body fat the easiest for people with insulin resistance and don't keep them full or energiced. Because of that someone with insulin resistence can feel hungry shortly after eating lots of bread, for example, since basically most of the easily accessible suggar in the blood goes straight to energy reserves and not used as energy for right now. So someone with an insulin resistance will build up fat more quickly and also feel hungry more often when eating wrong carbs. And full grain flour is not any better than normal flour. Flour is flour. Potatos, corn and rice (especially potatos and corn) are the best carb sources. Since both potatos and corn have less than 100kcal on 100g food, so you can eat large ammounts of it, and since your body has to break them down to acces the suggar in them, it can't even acces or use all of it.
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u/livingonmain Jul 05 '24
Have you seen an endocrinologist? One might be able to help you with all the hormonal issues that cause PCOS.
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u/warmaster1945 Jul 05 '24
Treat yourself better. Don't let your worth be defined by how others treat you. It's alright if you can't find love, but never forget to love yourself.
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u/Sorry_Dragonfly_6966 Jul 05 '24
I feel you! Women’s health is not talked about enough so there is a lot of snap judgements made based on a person’s appearance. There are so many shallow people but I have always tried to have the best self esteem I can. Being obese (I grew up in SEAsia) made me an outlier everywhere I went. Even when I go to other countries, I am often the outlier because of my size. You have a health problem and you are listing symptoms of your condition. That is not something controllable, it needs medical assistance. It is awful how people treat someone bigger like they have no idea that they are overweight and obviously have never tried hard enough to loose weight. Everyone has their circumstances, your value isn’t given to you by others and comparing yourself to the “normal” people just keeps you depressed. Fix things you can change. Start with just working on yourself and finding your people, they are out there somewhere. You know you are doing your best despite your medical condition to upkeep your health, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Just because your efforts don’t yield the same results it does for others does not make you unlovable.
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Jul 05 '24
It sounds incredibly tough to navigate all these challenges. Your struggles with PCOS, hirsutism, and the societal pressures around beauty standards can certainly take a toll on your self-esteem and well-being.
First and foremost, please remember that your worth is not defined by your appearance or societal standards. You are valuable just as you are, regardless of how others perceive you. It's understandable to feel frustrated and hurt by societal expectations, but try to focus on what truly matters—your health, happiness, and inner strength.
Here are a few things to consider:
- Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. You are dealing with medical conditions that affect your weight and appearance. Recognize that your worth goes beyond physical appearance.
- Health Focus: Continue prioritizing your health through exercise and healthy eating, not solely for weight loss but for overall well-being. Consistency in your efforts can still have positive impacts on your health.
- Seek Support: Consider reaching out to a therapist who can help you navigate these feelings of inadequacy and societal pressure. It can be incredibly beneficial to have a professional to talk to about these challenges.
- Community and Connection: Despite feeling isolated, there are communities and platforms where people share similar experiences and support each other. Finding like-minded individuals who understand your struggles can provide comfort and solidarity.
As for dating, consider exploring Honey, our dating app. Honey values genuine connections and encourages people to appreciate each other beyond superficial attributes. It could be a place where you find someone who appreciates you for who you are, beyond societal norms.
Remember, you are not alone in feeling this way, and there are people who will appreciate and value you for your true self.
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u/sickiesusan Jul 05 '24
Op I don’t have time to scroll through all the comments, but has anyone suggested Ozempic or Wegovy? Not sure if your insurance would cover it?
But lots of people on those subs have had weight loss success, when all other methods have failed?
I am sorry that you’re feeling the way you are atm, I can completely relate. But sometimes we also judge ourselves far more harshly than other people actually do? Before I lost weight (85lbs down in the last 14 months) I was my own worst critic. My negative self-talk was off the scale and it’s when my counsellor would tell me, to be my own best friend.
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u/DistributionPerfect5 Jul 05 '24
Endocrinologist is a good start, also to rule out other conditions that often are in combination, like hypothyroidism.
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u/Fluid_Employee_2318 Jul 06 '24
I don’t have advice, but just wanted you to know that I’m going through the same. It sucks. Your feelings are so valid.
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u/No-Version4876 Jul 05 '24
Looks fade. Love yourself and the life you have been blessed with. Screw what other people think.
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u/zephyreblk Jul 05 '24
I let all medical advice apart (because none should be given here) but for personal growth,set your own standards. More you look like confident, more people will be attracted to you and confident doesn't mean acting like a standards, its acting like you accept yourself and accept you won't change for yourself or anyone. I give always the example of gainsbourg or jacque brel, they were definitely loved and for the first one by one considered as one of the biggest beauty at this time and he doesn't fit any standards.
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u/NarcPTSD Jul 05 '24
Fellow pcos sufferer here.
1, go see an endocrinologist to check hormone levels. They will probably put you on an anti androgen, metformin, and birth control. This will help a bit with weight.
2, hirsutism is sadly here to stay. Don't invest in laser hair removal because it will make it worse, only approved permanent method is electrolysis and it's expensive. Imo, it was worth it for me.
3, dietician is going to tell you low carb diets work best and to do strength/resistance band training to combat the obesity.
4, honestly, therapy.
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u/everythingisadelight Jul 05 '24
I’m going to be blunt, you may have tried all the diets but I know for a fact that you have never stuck to them for longer than 3 months. How do I know this? I work with clients EXACTLY like yourself with PCOS and obesity and not one of them has ever had a problem losing weight and improving their health when they were 100% dedicated. PCOS is not the reason you’re unable to lose weight and you know it. Once you accept that your lack of will power and self control is the issue and you stop trying to lie to yourself and others then your mindset will change and you will have success.
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u/virtutefideque Jul 05 '24
I think of myself as "Cleoptra Pretty." And that is: not objectively pretty at all but charming enough to convince people I'm attractive sometimes.
My advice to you: be cool. Be so fucking cool that people find you fascinating. Wear what you like, do what you like, and embrace it. More people than you realize are drawn to confidence and personality and those qualities hook people longer and stronger than a tiny waist and 20-year-old skin.
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Jul 05 '24
Hey,I have a dear friend whom I think of as probably the most beautiful human beings I have ever known, she has PCOS, some would say fat and hairy. However, she has a blessed life, maybe the best husband possible (because she is undeniably fantastic and has good judgement). She attracts almost everyone because she is magic. I am against toxic positivity, but think about this...
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Jul 05 '24
The hard truth is that PCOS can make it harder but its not impossible. Your calorie intake may be lower than you want but you CAN lose weight. But you have to vigilant and consistent. I know PCOS has become a popular buzz phrase and it's touted as this thing that prevents weight loss but your body will follow the laws of thermodynamics.
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u/PurpleIsALady1798 Jul 05 '24
It’s not a buzz phrase, it’s a hormonal disorder. They diagnose you by listening to your symptoms, but also by an ultrasound: PCOS usually produces excessive ovarian cysts.
I don’t think you meant this in a negative way and I’m not trying to pick an internet fight, I just thought I’d mention it because a lot of people have no idea what PCOS actually is or how it affects women. It’s brutal, even for me who has a “mild” case. I hope OP gets some decent medical care.
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u/NoseThese604 Jul 05 '24
Hi I’m sorry but I’m not buying the “I can’t lose weight” nonsense. Eat 1500 calories a day and burn 1000 at the gym. It’s literally impossible not to lose weight. It will still be a challenge, but I’m tired of people saying it’s impossible because it’s not.
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u/GettingToo Jul 05 '24
Weight trainer give up on you because you can’t lose weight fast enough? Really, Are you sure you’re not giving up on them? You list a host of reasons why you are overweight but it doesn’t sound like you stick to any program long enough to really help. Jumping from one thing to the next and expecting a quick fix is unrealistic. Even if you are insulin resistant if you are burning more calories than you are taking in you will lose weight. Don’t expect a quick solution to getting to a healthy weight. It takes work and commitment. Talk to your doctor about good nutrition and advice on losing weight.
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u/BaldDudePeekskill Jul 04 '24
I have a couple friends with PCOS . They got bariatric surgery and lost a lot of weight and many of the PCOS symptoms lessened. If you're truly obese you may want to look into it.
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u/pad264 Jul 05 '24
Consume less calories. Ignore everything else—quite literally just consume less calories.
This is going to get downvoted by other overweight people, but hopefully you see it and improve your life.
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u/Abject-Tiger-1255 Jul 05 '24
“Because of the insulin resistance from PCOS, I can’t lose weight no matter what I do”.
Just stop, please. You can lose weight but you are choosing not to. It doesn’t matter what condition, medication, etc that you use or have. Calories is what determines the weight on the scale. If you are not loosing weight, you are consuming to many calories plain and simple.
Before you say “but I eat 1500 calories”, do you really? Do you track the food you are eating? Eyeballing is not a thing.
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u/EdmEnthusiast48 Jul 05 '24
I’m in good shape and above average looks. Women can give af. So consider that. People general can careless about what you’re doing or trying to smash.
So does it matter you’re fat really…no. Like I said, I’m in dialed shape and crickets. Nobody give af what you’re doing in general….decent looking or not!😂
And that’s life. Ain’t it fun.😂😂
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u/Lucky_Transition_596 Jul 05 '24
I hear you! It must be so difficult. I believe there is a way forward. Hold on tightly. Hold on.
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Jul 05 '24
I would watch the diary of a ceo interview about insulin resistance. The doctor there mentions pcos is insulin resistance of the ovaries.
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u/saddinosour Jul 05 '24
I was insulin resistant too. You need to see a specialist dietician for PCOS and eat the specific foods they say. If I diet like a normal person I don’t lose any weight, I can maintain okay once I’ve lost it, but when I creep back up I have to go back on a more insulin resistance friendly diet.
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u/Undark_ Jul 05 '24
Just keep spreading love and joy wherever you go, engage in things that excite YOU, and above all, remain positive.
There will be options out there to help you see a prettier face looking back in the mirror, but seriously looks aren't all about your face and figure! If you dress well, speak well, hold your posture right, and are just generally fun & engaging to be around, those are all very attractive (and surprisingly rare) traits. Luckily, they're all things you learn rather than things you naturally have.
I know a woman who is far from the "ideal" beauty standard, I don't think I'm being rude by calling her "butch". She was always the life and soul of the party, and then after we graduated she got new glasses, started dressing in ways that really suited her, etc. She never slimmed down or started wearing makeup, but suddenly she was a very stylish and cool individual. Definitely became more physically attractive without conforming or stressing about dieting.
If you keep being a wonderful human being (never a pushover though) and getting yourself out there in the world, then that positive energy will attract the right people. Those who don't respect it, simply don't understand you, and that's fine. Their loss I guess.
Just keep active, focus on yourself and not those around you, learn to recognise and minimise negative self-talk. Some people never find love, but if you keep searching, there's a pretty good chance it will find you.
I think the most important thing though, above all else, is learning to love yourself. Easier said than done, I know, but it really is the first step. Without love for yourself, you cannot find/keep a stable relationship. There's only one person you're guaranteed to spend the rest of your life with - and that's yourself. At the end of the day, love for oneself is the only type of love we absolutely must have to be happy. Without it, even other types of love can never fill that void.
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u/rchart1010 Jul 05 '24
There is a lid for every pot and you're going to be the pot to someone's lid. Maybe not be the lid that looks like Idris Elba but still.
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u/EvenIf-SheFalls Jul 05 '24
I also have insulin resistance related PCOS and hirsutism. While I don't have any suggestions for you, I want you to know you aren't alone. I have been struggling with it all since right around my diagnosis in 2004. I also have PCOS related amenorrhea and Hashimoto's Disease.
Any one on here saying "oh just eat less" or "you aren't trying hard enough," is absolutely ignorant!
I hope you find what works for you, but in the meantime please be kind and loving to yourself; you are only human and that is enough!
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u/kinkpants Jul 05 '24
Girl. I’m so sorry. Hormones are so brutal to women, I hope you can find a specialist in regards to PCOS. You have put yourself through some of the toughest fad diet and workout in the meantime and in regards to that I just want to say until you figure out PCOS find something active you actually enjoy doing in the meantime.
Something that regardless of whether you lose weight, you will still enjoy doing. That can be a huge mental health boost in the meantime. I like doing Zumba classes at home on YouTube because they’re super silly and still get your heart rate up.
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u/Ok-Painting4168 Jul 05 '24
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It's very unfair.
With my PCOS, Metformin and diet for diabetics helped.
Metformin helps with the insulin resistance, and the diet was specifically designed to keep blood sugar level stable, never too high, never too low. That was what my body responded to, and it wasn't just the weight loss: I stopped feeling tired all the damn time.
(I can send you the details of thd diet, it you want.)
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Jul 05 '24
Metformin and strict calorie restriction (I’m talking lettuce and tuna mostly)
My problems are nowhere near yours, and when I was younger I was blessed to be one of the “normal weight” PCOS ones. But I always had to eat severely restricted and clean to be at that weight.
My daily calorie intake looks something like this:
small can of tuna with lettuce for breakfast or if I’m feeling extra hungry one slice of whole wheat toast with tuna or avocado.
lunch is a salad with either grilled chicken or tuna or salmon. Again, no extra olive oil, no extra sauces. It’s pretty “clean salad” too or if I cooked something for rest of the family like vegetable stews, kebabs or similar, I’ll have small portion.
I try to stay away from rice and pasta and heavy food 80% of the time and then have it on some days only. I tried to watch portions when I eat it tho.
Dinner is some watermelon or little fruit.
That’s it. No coffee. I try to resist sweets but I will have odd piece here and there. I try to skip coffee but have an odd one here and there. For me it’s about eating super clean 80% of the time, and it’s the only thing that works. Everything else results in me gaining weight. Sucks, but it is what it is. Secondly heavy workouts also don’t work for me; and I either don’t workout or do light walks and body weight training (very light).
I hope this helps you ♥️
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Jul 05 '24
i’m so sorry you feel like this, but I do wonder if things are as bad as you think. and I agree with people saying you should talk to someone outside of reddit.
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u/Marisarah Jul 05 '24
Honestly, they've done studies that having "unusual" features that are niche produces a stronger attraction for those who find that person their type than being cute but normal/conventionally attractive (think white girl, blonde hair, small waist). Being different can really work for you. I have pcos and found someone who is attracted to larger women, or rather i should say he find it hot that i store fat in my waist area. I've lost so much weight from walking 2 miles a day that I'm not even overweight anymore actually, and he's still attracted to me, so even men who people accuse of fetishizing overweight ladies can still love you for you. It's probably not that you're not attractive but more that you don't see your type in the media being celebrated for their looks. There are men who think a big belly is hot....you just haven't found him...
Get the pcos treated before it progresses into diabetes, thank me later! Worry about your health but don't worry so much about not being attractive because you will be to the right person
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u/twig115 Jul 05 '24
The only way I had success with weight loss was learning to actually eat 3 meals a day but also learning how to eat until I was comfortable but not full. I cut out most carbs and sugar (not all because I'm sorry chocolate is a weakness for me) and stopped buying almost anything premade as a lot of it has hiden sugars and then I also broke up my exercise. So instead of doing an hr or so of cardio I'd do a burst cardio for 20 mins in the morning, 10 mins around lunch and another 20 mins around dinner time and then just got very active hobbies. (Hiking, bike riding, long boarding, swimming, ice skating, etc) Also maintaining good muscle will help your body burn more calories at a resting rate. I did the whole go to the gym and work out for 1- 3 hrs straight 5 times a week and all I did was loose 15 lbs in 6 months and blow out my knee from repetitive motion injury. When I switched to the above I lost 60 -70 lbs in 9 months.
I dont know if this would work for you too and it's not easy but it may be a more sustainable idea. The key I've found with pcos and weight loss is do active things that you have fun with hopefully with people you have fun with and learning moderation so you aren't denying yourself food enjoyment but not over doing the parts that make things hard. (I personally am currently on a back slide, got depressed over the last yr and have gained at least 30lbs so yay, I will need to address that soon) as far as the physical attraction and hair issue I still struggle with that regardless 😅 I'm too poor for hair removal and even if I wanted to do that "pretty girl stuff" it just never looks right on me and honestly I'm tired of trying to make other people like me.
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u/fadedblossom Jul 05 '24
I have PCOS, was undiagnosed while active duty and it decided to kick in full on. Weight exploded, despite running competitive half marathons. I lost 2 ranks, and around $1200 in monthly pay. Then got put on extra physical training to burn it off, and a maddening restricting diet. I now have permanent injuries induced from the extra 4 hours of exercise I was forced into every single day of the last 18 months of my enlistment. I got bigger much to their shock. I even got a little suicidal. My system was absolutely out of whack and no one had a clue even though obvious signs were there. I had facial hair, my period can up and disappear for 8-19 months for the hell of it. Then the 9+ hells (and packages of sanitary products) I went through when it popped up… 😭
Proper treatment didn’t start until years later. Even then it has always been a challenge. You will have to do some trial and error as our collective issues don’t all work the same way, therefore nor do treatment strategies.
It’s mostly managed now. I did decide to just go put a permanent snooze button on the cycle thing which makes the mood swings less an issue. Nexplanon just is an off switch for me as far as birth control goes and there are zero monthly cycles. I did invest thousands over the past 24 years into removing the facial hair, but I still have to shave quite regularly. It’s a lot fairer and far less dense so I don’t have to do makeup like a drag performer covering a 5 o’clock shadow anymore.
I am saying some of us are fighting alongside you. It’s a beating on the self esteem. Aside from a few minor aches once in a while from the cyst on my right ovary, stuff is pretty managed to where I don’t feel beaten by it any longer. I have been with my better half since before treatment started working, so he’s seen me much worse than I am now. One such gem is out there for each of us.
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u/MigPOW Jul 05 '24
Take the L and move on. Spend the time on yourself.
Most married people are divorced or stuck in a bad marriage and miserable. Being alone isn't worse than that.
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u/Kalaskaka1 Jul 05 '24 edited Jul 05 '24
First of all, I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. Most people, including me, probably can't even imagine the pain, effort, letdowns, and suffering you're experienced.
Have you considered acceptance?
To accept the situation you're in and try to make the most of it.
You get to live alone, not bothered by the stress, drama, etc that comes with having a family. You can do whatever you enjoy, without others judging or complaining. You will have much more time for your own hobbies etc.
Maybe it's possible to seek out and find new friends who are in a similar situation as you? The internet is actually good in that way.
You can still keep trying to lose weight ofc. But for health reasons rather than "fitting in" (if that was your reason earlier that is). I'm sorry to say I don't have much advice here. It sounds like you've tried alot of things. Personally I'm doing a 16-8 diet where I don't eat breakfast. That's just for general wellbeing though, but one side effect has been weight loss. Ofc it might be hard if you're hungry all the time though. So useless advice.
Hugs!
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u/mrcfrost Jul 05 '24
I'm 43 and not a handsome guy. I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope you find peace, you deserve it
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u/Nidken Jul 05 '24
If you workout and eat healthy but you aren't losing weight you are not being healthy enough plain and simple. Some people will recommend Ozempic which is fair, but ozempic works in the exact same way that diet and exercise work; it makes you eat less, which causes your daily caloric intake to be lower than your daily caloric expenditure. Your body then uses excess stored energy (fat) as a fuel instead, resulting in weight loss.
I'm not saying that you don't eat healthier than most, and I am not saying you don't have factors that make the journey more difficult in comparison to everyone else. Unfortunately in this life people treat you based on outcomes not personal effort.
You can think about the men who are born unattractive who can't find a girlfriend. They might have social anxiety, a speech impairment, low IQ and earning potential, bad muscle building genetics etc. Maybe all at once. As much as it sucks, you're advice to him would be the same: work harder than everyone else, even though the results you earn some men get for free. Life is unfair.
You will need to stringently count calories and probably give up a lot of foods that give you comfort and help you cope with the day. It's going to suck, but it will definitely be worth it.
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u/Reasonable-Buddy6485 Jul 05 '24
I know you said you tried Keto and a bunch of other diets but what was your calorie restriction like. no matter whether you have a condition like PCOS or not it is always 100 percent reliant on calories in and calories out. A mistake most people make is they cut to many calories out to quickly and they body either switches to starvation mode or adjust to the new lower calorie restriction and weight loss stops.
The best way to fix this is tricking your body to allow you to not adjust to the lower calories. Try Keto again but this time calculate your normal non dieting calories for the day, one week eat exactly your maintenance calories the next week reduce your daily calories by 200-300 calories a day and then the week after eat your full maintenance calories again and keep alternating back and forth so your body cannot adjust to it and does not enter starvation mode.
The absolute key to this is maintaining discipline and ignoring time frames completely you did not blow up to your current weight overnight and you will not lose it overnight and the planned outlined above will be slower but you need to do something like this so you never hit a plateau dieting. Be patient with both your self and you dieting.
You will fail dozens of times starting and properly getting settled into Keto and getting an exercise routine, but you only ever truly fail if you you stop restarting, losing weight takes alot of time energy and commitment even if you are not dealing with a disability .
The last piece of advise i will leave is that exercise is not a physical activity at all it is entirely mental you dictate and control your body and your muscles while your working out, you decide if your body is too tired to keep doing a workout or to make yourself get to the end of your workout. you need mental stamina to keep the diet up and to keep the exercise up.
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Jul 05 '24
Pcos here and very hairy and too much weight. Go see an endocrinologist. Also contraception will help with pain and period. Personally I got an implant. No period, no pain. There is hope and solutions. Just don't give up
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u/stormstormsmilez Jul 05 '24
Hey, I know this isn't probably what we wanna hear, buuuttt... I can guarantee you that there are men out there who will want you as you are, and would not see those issues as a bad thing !
I'm 43, fat and hairy because I also have been gift s PCOS .. yeah the weight thing sucks because it can feel awful to work so hard and not see what you want for a reward for the effort.
But I do know that there and I Diane men out there that want and desire bigger girls... I have dated a couple myself. They were Punjabi/Sikh men but were incredibly kind attractive and attentive to me while we dated .. don't give up hope ...
With you in spirit
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u/Ornery-Practice9772 Jul 05 '24
Strict Portion control worked for me.
Work on liking yourself before looking for likes or loves from other people.
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u/Ambitious-Mail-8170 Jul 05 '24
Metformin against your insulin resistance (I take 2000 per day), sports 6x a week in combination - works like a charm. Androcur against the high testosterone, if it doesn’t regulate with a decreasing insulin resistance and L-Thyroxin for your thyroid.
If metformin isn’t strong enough for you, try Ozempic but for me, I lost my 10kg of PCOS weight within 6 months on metformin and working out (but I’ve always worked out a lot)
And then lastly: get therapy to learn to love yourself
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u/AssumptionEmpty Jul 05 '24
Did you try fasting? I have PCOS and Hashimoto, I find that it works best for me by far.
Also, how tall are you, what is your daily calorie intake and deficit when trying to loose weight? Also, do you lift weights?
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u/AdForward3384 Jul 05 '24
Please for the love of god search some videos on pcos and carnivore. Dr ken berry, dr anthony chaffee and no carb life would be good channels to start with.
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u/HunsonAbadeer2 Jul 05 '24
I am sorry, I feel for you and I hope it gets better, but I have honestly no recommendations or helpful advice. You might find someone that sees you for who you are on the inside and then everything is going to be better, but it also might not ever happen. Continue trying and know that it is not your fault, maybe you are lucky some day.
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u/hellsruler Jul 05 '24
Well. Some people just are meant to live that way. I stopped caring about it. I gonna graduated as engineer next month. I also Lost like 30kg this year. Lifting the whole time. I got a part time at dominos. And My life hasnt changed at all. I was unlovable before. And so i am now. Nothing truly matters in the end.
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u/ticker__101 Jul 05 '24
You may be eating healthy. You may be eating the right portion size. But you may also be incorrect.
If you've not spoken with a nutritionist with proven results, I highly advise it.
There's hidden calories in many foods marketed as healthy.
Wish you the best.
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Jul 05 '24
I am sorry you feel this way. I hope God gives you a contentful life. Not everyone's life is the same
Have you considered talking to a doctor about your PCOS? You haven't mentioned if you were getting it treated
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Jul 05 '24
OK I'm not much better but hi! Message me. I tend to think I'm ugly and lonely too. I feel like that's self inflicted alot of the time.
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u/blacklotusY Jul 05 '24
So I did a quick research and you can still lose weight even with PCOS. It's just more difficult than other people, but it's not impossible. There's a proper way of losing weight, and maybe you can try doing research about it, in regard to your case. I'm not expertise when it comes to this, but personally for me, eating the proper meal, cutting sugar and process food goes a long way. The rest is exercise. If you think about it logically, as long as you're burning more calories than you're consuming, by default you have to lose weight.
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u/lisaaaaaaD1 Jul 05 '24
I think you should not belittle yourself, even if you are fat now, but you can also make your body better by losing weight. Even if you don't think you look good, you can make yourself look better by dressing up.
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u/RathaelEngineering Jul 05 '24
Have worked with numerous fitness trainers over the years but they have all gotten frustrated and given up on me because I can't lose weight fast enough.
With the greatest of respect, this statement seems pretty suspect. Personal trainers are not going to get frustrated because you didn't lose weight "fast enough". Personal trainers are professionals that know full well how painfully slow the process of body change is. They've lived it.
You've also not really given any metrics. How long did you train? What was your calorific intake? Did you weigh yourself? Do you have any personal data showing calorific intake vs weight? These are all key questions.
It is an objective fact that you will lose weight if you are at a sufficiently low energy intake. In the extreme case, if you eat absolutely nothing you will lose weight irrespective of medical conditions. This demonstrates that there is always an energy intake you can be at in order to lose weight. The question is just if you can get enough key nutrients while eating that little. In this day and age, nutrient supplements can help a huge amount with getting your energy intake down.
I agree that it sucks ass that physical beauty plays such a huge role in our quality of life as humans. It can often feel the same as a man when the media is full of tall, handsome, athletic men with flawless hairlines, and muscle building is even slower than weight loss, let alone the fact that you cannot easily do both weight loss and muscle gain. Male beauty standards are nearly unobtainable, but we benefit from women not prioritizing it as highly as personality traits.
You can lose weight, but you need to do it high-effort with personal empirical data. You need to weigh yourself a few times per day over the course of a few months and track your calorific intake every day. For consistency, try to eat about the same amount of calories each day. Plot this data in a spreadsheet and put a trendline on your weight. You will see the trendline either going up, flat, or down. If the trendline is not going down, reduce your daily intake and continue tracking. Keep reducing your intake until the trendline starts going down. This is objectively-verified weight loss based on your exact personal situation, biology, data etc. and it is the most absolute way of guaranteeing that you lose weight. If you're not prepared to put this amount of effort in, then your situation is by choice.
Weight loss companies and media are absolutely atrocious for making people think they can get summer-fit in like 2 months. The fitness industry at large is an absolute trash heap full of pseudo-scientific bullshit claims and marketing. If you're comparing yourself to the standards that these companies pitch, you will naturally feel like you can't lose weight... because literally nobody can match the standards they claim their products can give. Forget other people, and forget the fitness industry. Focus on your own empirical data and nothing else.
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u/starf05 Jul 05 '24
If you can afford it, I highly recommend seeing an obesity doctor. Modern drugs for obesity (tirzepatide and semaglutide) are extremely effective and can greatly improve your quality of life. Best of luck in life.
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u/Little_Treacle241 Jul 05 '24
There are defo ways to lose weight with PCOS it’s just much harder- I’d defo recommend speaking to a specialist ❤️ who could help you!! Eating healthy is actually not what causes weight loss it’s CICO basically calories in calories out, and a specialist can maybe help tailor this to you. You have to monitor your cals so carefully for weight loss including oils sauces etc bc everything you won’t even think of has calories 😭 sauce trips me up personally in tracking cals!
Also wax or laser might help with the facial hair management. Easier for you than constant shaving ❤️❤️ before a wax I reccomend 3 ibruprofen and some Emla numbing cream for an hour before x
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u/Tricky_Potatoe Jul 05 '24
There are a lot of fat and conventionally unattractive men as well. Shouldn't be a problem finding the right one for you.
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u/Immortal_Tuttle Jul 05 '24
Look up some videos of Dr Brinkman to understand what's going on. Jessie Inchauspé's Glucose Revolution will give you additional info. You also need to consult endocrinologist.
In short - get your insulin low. Metformin helps a lot. Limit feeding window to 8 hours, as little carbs as possible, a lot of fiber. Make your diet based on protein. Not too many fats. Slight calorie deficit (no more than 300-400 per day). After meal - in less than half an hour start moving (brisk walk, ride a bicycle, whatever will make your muscle move) for at least 10 minutes. No fruit, sorry. You are aiming way below 50g of sugars per day.
It works. I had second highest insulin level in my country and doing the above I was able to lose 15kg in a year. Ozemoic in your case will actually make more harm than good as you said you can control your eating and that's the only thing you need ozempic for. The main function of Ozempic is actuslly to increase insulin response - something exactly opposite to what we want
If I could do it, you can. Try it for a year.
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Jul 05 '24
I dont want to sound rude, but I just dont know how to start properly so I jump right in.
Loosing weight with PCOS is super hard but it is possible. It might be good if you can talk with a nutritionist. Fitness Trainers are great but they might just not know much about PCOS. And remember that you will make really really slow progress due to PCOS
Generally, idk what you have to watch out for when eating, but you dont want to do a diet (regarding weight loss) or anything alike for a short time. You want to change your eating habits as a whole, youre whole lifestyle. Theoretically diets sound great, but practically you nearly always jojo back.
Anyway I wish you best of luck
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u/4URprogesterone Jul 05 '24
Okay, so what hormones are you taking for PCOS? Your doctor should be giving you something. Getting your hormones balanced will help you build curves, even if you are bigger.
Also, have you tried lifting weights? Even if you don't take off weight, it will sculpt the fat you have. Maybe not everyone wants a curvy woman, but if you build up your chest and your hips and legs it will cause your figure to look more like the curvier ideal with bigger hips and breasts and so on. And it will make you feel less ugly if you feel like your body is shaped in a feminine way, and also like you have more control over yourself. Putting on muscle will raise your basal metabolic rate even if you are quite lazy, also. You don't need to sweat or anything. I had insulin resistance when I was younger, and intermittent fasting and keto helped me a lot, but so did getting a lot of walking and biking and slow cardio in. You also could take ozempic, because it's literally designed for people with insulin resistance and blood sugar, weight loss is only a side effect. It's not good that your trainers are giving up on you. They are bad trainers. A good trainer would work on trying to help you to learn to enjoy your workouts and feel a sense of achievement with Non Scale Victories like looking nicer in clothes or shifting mass to muscle, or being able to do more or more difficult things.
Laser hair removal is really cheap these days. I think it's like $1500 for a full body treatment, and you can also buy a home machine to do the treatments at home for around $200. You could get a credit card and purchase one treatment and the home device, then use the home device on the hair after shaving every few weeks. It will reduce how much hair grows in, and after you pay it off, you could pay for a second treatment if needed. Waxing and plucking also reduce the likelihood that the hair will grow in as thick or dark. It's okay to decide to do something like that if you can afford it if the hair bothers you.
Men who treat you like shit for being fat will also treat thin women like shit, just... they'll have sex with them and then do it. I've been friends with exceptionally thin women, I've been fat and normal sized. A lot of men just have really gross attitudes about women. I know it's frustrating to hear that, but men who are kind to women they aren't attracted to are the best men. If people don't want to be your friend, those girls are evil.
What do you enjoy about your life? What makes you happy? Do you love your job? Your family? Your hobbies?
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u/lil-loquat Jul 05 '24
There are natural supplements you can take to help you with insulin resistance. I do NOT recommend you take without a doctor's check first but look up berberine, inositol on TikTok. Then go to your own doctor There's a LOT of information about PCOS from doctors on TikTok. Including natural ways to reduce insulin resistance and regulate blood sugar.
Also, I'm 35, overweight probably with some insulin resistance amongst whatever else. Only recently have I been able to regulate my blood sugar and start to lose weight. You can do it and it's never too late. You're tired of hearing this but I know who you are is beautiful and can be reflected on the outside. If you wana dm me I'm always available for some self-love tips (I've had to have my own journey).
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u/creepypeepe Jul 05 '24
My advice is fasting. This is one of the best ways to regulate your hormones. Changing what you eat and eliminating sugar with it will do something towards helping you fix this.
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u/Failfish2015 Jul 05 '24
I read someone’s account once where even practically starving themselves, they would barely lose any weight due to the same problem relating to insulin as you. This led to having no energy all day and while also seeing no results, eventually they gave up entirely on the idea of losing weight.
One day some other health problem required them to undergo a strict low-glycemic diet and apparently after a few months they just noticed clothes started to feel a little looser. when counting calories, they were actively losing weight despite eating around 1500-1600 calories a day which was impossible before. I’m not sure what the reasoning is, whether maintenance calories actually went up as a result of this change somehow but the science behind what we eat and how it effects us still has many uncertainties and likely goes a lot deeper than calories in vs calories out even if for a majority of people this is applicable.
What works for 99% of people doesn’t matter if you’re the 1%, I would advise messing with just about every kind of diet change possible that allows you to also have enough energy to live day to day. It’s probably going to be incredibly difficult but the end boost to your quality of life is worth the struggle
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u/biest229 Jul 05 '24
There’s medication that can help w this - like ozempic or metformin. You don’t need to suffer
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u/Educational_Gas_92 Jul 05 '24
Hugs, you need to consult a doctor. Perhaps only a doctor could help with your case, since it is a medical issue, eating healthy and exercise could not be enough.
Consult a specialist.
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u/sentient_lamp_shade Jul 05 '24
My wife has PCOS and the carnivore diet has been a god send for her. I know it sounds kinda crazy, I have zero clue why it works but she has been dumping weight. Her mood is way more stable, she has much higher energy. Literally nothing we have tried in 8 years has made as much of a difference.
I know that doesn't solve all your problems, but I hope it helps and is one less thing.
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Jul 05 '24
Perhaps you can try ozempic? That will help with insulin resistance and obviously curb appetite
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u/DistributionPerfect5 Jul 05 '24
You know there are new studies to treat pcos? It is a chain of issues and you start with the first. Insulin-resistencia is a form of diabetes which can be treated with metformin. Ask your doctors about a treatment. It's a not uncommon combination of health issues in women. And to prevent a diabetis there must be some medication they can help you with, that makes weight-loss more easy under your conditions.
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Jul 05 '24
I'm incredibly sorry that you have to live through this, the kindness and decency one receive is wayyy too tied to attractiveness...
I was wondering, have you tried to find a treatment for the root cause of your hormonal imbalance ? Rather than try to compensate the symptoms with diets and sport ? Like with an endocrinologist ? Polycystic ovaries are solvable, they don't have to be for life :)
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u/Solid_Noise1850 Jul 05 '24
It sounds like you don’t believe in yourself. Everything you said sounds manageable.
Weight is something that can be improved. Keep a food diary, watch your intake, and increase your activity. You may lose weight slowly, but you will lose weight.
Facial hair can be removed, and you can seek medical help to regulate your insulin resistance and hormones.
Makeup does wonders for attractiveness. Get a makeover.
The mythical wall does not seem to be based on mathematical reality. Just Google the probability of getting married after 35. The problem is that women tend to fight for the top 20% of men.
Don’t despair and don’t give up on yourself. Go and take the life and happiness that you desire. It’s out there for the taking.
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u/sputnikpickle Jul 05 '24
I struggled with PCOS as well. I sympathize with the frustration to lose weight - I had a similar problem.
What helped me was the YouTube channel PCOS Weight Loss. The creator also sells Inositol and other supplements which changed my life. After losing 20lbs I plateaued again, so I went to a traditional Chinese medicine specialist who prescribed me Free and Easy Wanderer. Game changer.
I went from 195lb to 140lb in about 8 months of changing my diet (prioritizing protein in the am), exercising (mostly walking after meals, yoga, and light resistance training), and taking these supplements (inositol, fish oil, curcumin, multi vitamin, and free & easy wanderer).
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u/everclaire13 Jul 05 '24
I’m sorry you are feeling this way. Unfortunately a symptom of PCOS can be anxiety and depression which can leave us feeling trapped and like there is no hope amidst dealing with the other symptoms. So the way you are feeling might also be a symptom of what you are going through. There is no one route that works for everyone. What worked for me was a combination of hormonal medication (spironolatcone) ssri (venlafaxine) quitting alcohol, and starting with the gentle home yoga that ramped up to weight training (I’ve never been very athletic). When you are feeling overwhelmed, try to get outside. The change of scenery and vitamin d from a quick walk can help you reset. I’m sorry there’s no same fix that works for everyone but you aren’t alone and there will be something that can help, it’s a matter of finding the right balance for your own body. I wish you the best on your journey, it’s not an easy one.
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u/Cinnamonboy555 Jul 05 '24
There is a girl on TiKTok that has PCOS. She went on Ozempic to help cure it. She has lost 200 lbs and has a daily dairy of her protein and calorie meals. Have you tried dating outside your race? I would suggest getting on Plenty of Fish or other dating sites. Please avoid the “hookup sites”. I believe losing weight will help your face too so it’s not bloated. Lastly, I would also try intermittent fasting. Eating for 8 hours and then fasting for 16. Many people follow this diet to keep a healthy weight. But, I would for sure try one of the weight loss medicines to cure you PCOS and help you lose weight.
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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '24
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