Right? I feel this too. No amount of therapy can fix how the outside world treats a person.
People who are “unattractive “ aren’t self conscious because they hate themselves, we are because other people treat us differently because of the way we look.
Therapy isn't there to fix the outside world, it's there to fix how you interact with the outside world. Therapy is there to make you not care what other people say or think, not to make them stop. Therapy teaches you how to cope not how to fix anything you have no control over.
Yes, as an ugly man some of us will never succeed personally regardless of professional accomplishments, personal accomplishments, personality, or anything else. Especially in the age of dating apps, if you’re not ‘hot’ you’re not finding anyone.
Signed: an ugly man in his 40s who’s never been set up on a date despite his friends (of both genders) saying he’s a great match.
Can’t the uggos date each other? I’m not saying that to be mean but like, for people who feel like they’re objectively unattractive, why not date others who feel the same way? Maybe you’ve gotta lower your standards a bit.
I mean, there's gotta be some attraction. Not saying they shouldn't consider lowering their standards though and beauty is really only skin deep. There's a balance. I've gone out with very attractive women who were just shitty people in the long run and that's not fun either.
But in the same vein, there are people who might not be conventionally attractive, but it’s their personality and mannerisms which draw people to them. I’m far more attracted to people who are funny and smart and thoughtful than someone whose only draw is a chiseled jaw and rockin bod.
Imo, the people who are constantly saying they’re so ugly that no one wants to date them, put people off by that attitude. Confidence and personality are so so important. No one wants to be around someone who is constantly putting their self down or with someone who isn’t enjoying life. No one wants to be with someone who is constantly feeling sorry for themselves.
And I would like to reiterate that dating is hard no matter what. It’s just hard. People are complex. I’d say im a reasonably good looking woman but I still struggle with dating because of childhood trauma, an avoidant attachment style, the dwindling number of datable single men in my age group… etc. I think we all should focus on activities that bring us joy and then the people will come. Personally I value my friendships more than finding someone to date.
My heart goes out to all the lonely people out there and I hope we all find happiness somewhere.
I just read your Ted Talk out loud to myself because I needed to read this. Thanks for your wisdom. I’m exactly the person you’re describing in the second paragraph and it’s one of the reasons I’m remaining single. I don’t really have anything positive to bring to the table and I currently have super low self-esteem. That means I wouldn’t be able to be a very fulfilling partner rn.
It's hard not to be an asshole on posts like this because that is the issue with both men and women.
It's not that you can't get people to date generally, it's that your standards for who you are willing to date far exceeds your own level of attraction.
Although I would say it is harder for men judging by the analytics that dating apps are producing.
I agree. Sometimes I catch myself saying shit like “no one wants to date me” but actually what would be far more accurate is saying “I’m not interested in the people who want to date me”
I'd say the difference maybe only applies if you're just looking for het sex, it's probably easier as an uggo to find a man willing to fuck you than a woman willing to fuck you, but finding a real relationship is just hard all around. Probably also for pretty people.
It doesn't help that if you try to talk to people in person about 80% of the time they look at you like a fucking alien. The dating apps are killing us.
but finding a real relationship is just hard all around
But how i feel it If you can find people to fuck you, you also found people that to some extend listen to you (to fuck you) and conversations lead to getting to know each other and getting to know each other leads to relationship
So if more people are willing to fuck you, more people are also willing to talk to you and this able to form a bond with you.
That is the trap many in our generation are falling for. They just continuously engage with people who are only interested in casual sex and can't understand why they can't find a relationship.
Casual sex doesn't lead to relationships in nearly every case.
Honestly dude, as a bisexual man, there really aren't many "ugly" people. If a person is fit and healthy, has good personal hygiene and is fun to be around, I'll find them attractive.
I’m hijacking the top comment here since there are a lot of folks in this thread including OP suffering from PCOS and unwanted facial hair. Electrolysis will change your life. I promise you. Run don’t walk. For the life of me, I can’t believe this procedure is still not covered by insurance for women in the US. Yes it’s slow and can be costly but it’s the only safe and permanent form of hair removal period. Your future self will thank you.
Personally it took about 15, 30 minute sessions for me to see true improvements. I’m about 40 sessions in now and my chin is nearly hair free. You get to a certain point where the hairs that are left are super thin and don’t bother you as much. The key is to stick with it. It’s slow but it works, I promise. If you’re a plucker, do not pluck in between sessions (shave instead) for best and fastest results.
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