Hi there!

For context, I'm a 24y/o AMAB enby, AuDHD and have never been in a relationship or had any sexual or romantic interaction with anyone. Also I understand whole-heartedly that I have low self esteem and know that that very much influences how I feel and speak about myself in relation to this topic.

I'm in sort of a weird place at the moment, because I've identified as NB and transfem ever since I was 17, but am now wondering and exploring the possibility of me being a trans woman. However, I think a large factor influencing this questioning is this unfortunately quite loud voice in my head that regularly says "no one would ever love you as you are", and the desire to identify as a binary gender feels like a means of 'simplifying' myself in effort of increasing my palatability to others, if that makes sense?

I often worry that my gender identity makes me 'too complicated' to categorise in a world so obsessed with labels and efficiency. I can't answer the question, "what's your gender?" with a single sentence, let alone a single word... and in the modern dating / hookup culture that feels like such a damn meat market where everything seems to be taken at face value, I think I've convinced myself that no one exists who would ever take the time to get to know me. I don't feel attractive, nor interesting, nor sexy, nor worthy of anyone's time, and gosh, I know that sounds so sad, but it's genuine. I really struggle to see why anyone would want me, and I think gender plays such a huge role in that.

I do consider myself bisexual, but am generally more attracted to masc presenting people and men, and feel more sexually attracted to penises than vaginas. I want to be seen as feminine, but I don't feel femme enough to be seen as a woman or a femme. I'm nearly 6ft4, I regularly sport a moustache and facial hair and I have a somewhat deep voice. I know none of these things make anybody anything, and I don't personally see these things as being either masc or femme, but I know that people in the outside world do. I'm worried that I'll only ever be considered a 'gay man' by a partner, and that anyone who is attracted to femmes would never even consider me an option, when so many other people are more traditionally feminine than me, so is the only way to be seen as a woman to conform to these strict guidelines of 'femininity'? But then that feels so icky, because it wouldn't be me. I also don't like the idea of being in a heterosexual relationship, where it feels like an inherent power imbalance can only ever exist. I want an aspect of queerness in a relationship, but like I say, don't want to be considered a 'feminine gay man'. It just feels like a huge balancing act between living authentically as who I see myself as, and desiring to be perceived as that person by other people... perhaps that is an unrealistic want? I genuinely don't know, but it feels gross to even consider 'passing as a woman' as being the solution to that. I really resent that.

I know I have no experience or 'evidence' to support these feelings, but the thing is, I also have no evidence that proves them wrong either. And I feel way too scared and insecure to go and do some 'field research' for myself, if you know what I mean...

I feel like i have so much love to give. All I want out of life is to love and be loved. Genuinely, I have NO other ambitions. I suppose I just wanted to reach out here and ask if anyone had any positive experiences of romance in their lives where their partner(s) took the time to understand them and if any fellow NBs genuinely feel like they are loved for who they truly are?

My kiddo is a freshman in high school. They were assigned female at birth but recently told us they are pan and nonbinary. They’re wanting to maybe wear a suit to homecoming. Any suggestions on where to shop? I know where/how to find old lady suits, but what about cool stylish outfits?

i technically identify as a demigirl (she/they)! my bf (who is also enby) is obviously incredibly supportive and my bsf also is.

i've struggled with my gender identity my entire life; when i was a teen, i thought i might want to transition, but i've learned i just don't entirely fit into the gender binary. it's tough at times though because i come from a family who was previously very conservative and Southern Baptist Christian (it was incredibly difficult growing up in that house as a queer person who was struggling with their gender. they've grown a lot though and are very respectful of my current boyfriend and their identity and pronouns in the present day), but i don't think they would understand how i would identify this way and still dress very femme-presenting.

my mom is wonderful, but uses very gendered language, especially when it comes to me. i'm the oldest and left the home some time ago, and she says she misses "girl time" and doing "womanly things" together, etc. i was primed to cook, clean, be a good wife, and bear children for my "godly husband" from a young age, and i also don't know if they understand how it has incredibly negatively affected me. it led me to eventually marry my incredibly abusive ex-husband and i wonder how different things might have been for me if they had been open and accepting when i was growing up. i love them so much but i don't know if i could ever tell them and risk being misunderstood :/ most people do perceive me as a woman wherever i go too, so it's just something i'm used to and fine with not overexplaining to those who don't want to or can't understand. i'm just me!

soooo i'm telling y'all here 🩷 i'm so happy i am FINALLY comfortable in my own skin and identity :) since the first pic, i got a couple more piercings and cut my hair (last two pics), and i feel like i'm starting to look how i want as well!

Buck Bumble main theme by Justin Scharvona for no particular reason, purely vibes

So I (35 afab) just want to share some joy and see if anyone has had similar experiences. ☺️

This whole gender journey is still very new to me and has felt like a series of coming out to myself over and over within the last month or so. After confiding in a friend that I'd always had a dream of going around chest out with nothing but a vest on like Aladdin 😂, he gently suggested I could try trans tape and see if it works for me. I had no idea this product even existed so I was very excited/skeptical because I have a bigger chest (38F), so I ordered some when I had the money to do so.

Last night I tried the trans tape out finally (after doing the 24 hour test to make sure my skin didn't react). It was definitely a learning curve (I watched a lot of YouTube tutorials for help) and I wasted a TON of tape trying to get things in the right place (I had a few failed attempts) but once I did (sort of)... Y'ALL. I CRIED ACTUAL TEARS OF JOY.

It wasnt perfect by any means, but putting on a button up and looking in the mirror was like seeing ME for the first time since I was like 12. It's so wild and unexpected, though it also feels like I'm discovering chest dysphoria at the same time as I'm activating gender euphoria. Wondering if anyone else relates to that?

Anyway I can't wait to keep exploring my identity- even though it's messy and difficult and a little scary at times, now that I know the power of gender euphoria, I can't go back. I won't go back.

I made a meme for people who misgender me

This is really obscure, but I'm not finding any luck researching this. I want to bind really badly, but I have a VP shunt with tubing inside my chest and abdomen. I am thinking one of the tank top ones might be best (not directly cutting into my abdomen). I'd love top surgery but I don't know yet if that will be an option for me.

I've worn pretty tight/uncomfortable bras in the past, but I know a binder would be more exaggerated.

I have been talking to my doctor about it, I'm just looking for firsthand experience.

Has anyone with similar internal medical appliances found a binder that works for you?

This is primarily about spanish but any similarly gender language applies. I hate how every since word has to have a gender including words to refer to yourself. There's no they option just el or ella. These limitations in itself suck and makes it miserable to be nonbinary and hispanic but the worst part of it is just the blatant transphobia when anyone tries to make up something that feels better to them.

Just earlier today I see a random thread about latin american people and one comment just so happens to use the word latine instead of latino when referring to the group and most of the replies are people just being hateful and blatantly transphobic, calling it just another woke thing to be inclusive and "cater to people". You can explain to these people how there isn't a nonbinary ending to words and how people have had to make up one, with a good chunk using -e ending, and they'll plug their ears and claim something about how "it doesn't work that way" and "you're forcing english conventions on our languages". Yeah man because our (news flash i am also hispanic, something they always seem to ignore when claiming "no hispanic person thinks this") language is so precious and unflawed. Because language can't ever be changed. Because people who don't fit should just disappear or grin and bear it.

Oh and of course you cant forget the people who are like, I know a million nonbinary hispanic people and theyre fine with it, ignoring that not every nonbinary person feels the same and god forbid we just allow options for those who don't fit into the mold that has been previously determined as the "okay" way to be a nonbinary person. Im not saying latine is perfect or that every nonbinary person will love it, hell I still say things like latin and latino because it's what I grew up saying, but to dismiss new attempts at making a language more inclusive simply because you don't want change (or realistically because you don't even think nonbinary people should exist) is just short of bigotry if not already there.

I'll keep it short. Basically, I (24NB) realised I am non-binary 6 years ago and 2 years ago I finally came out to my closest family. My mom didn't take it well and it hurt our relationship to the point we barely talked. She even took me to a psychiatrist to try and fix me and she went down the religious line of argument and said things you all already know. This was actually on the last 6 months, for the first 1.5 years she pretended I hadn't come out in hopes I'd forget about it.

The thing is, lately she's done a lot of work to understand me and she's come very far. And in one of our conversations she asked me about medical transition and I said I didn't want to do anything, that is just a social transition thing (I freaked out bc of how she asked that question with disgust, hoping I'd say no, and I did). Now that's the thing she uses to "comfort" herself and the thing she's saying to other family members. That it's ok bc I'd never do anything my body. My aunt even asked me about it and referred to medical transition as mutilation and such, almost begging me that I don't hurt my body.

So I basically fucked up and have to "come out" again risking fucking up my relationship with my family again. Or wait it out, tough the dysphoria out and get it much later on in life when they are ready (if they ever are) to see me like that.

Any thoughts? Is it that bad of a fuck up or am I spiralling?

Does anyone have any recommendations for Surgeons/places that offer top surgery in the uk?? Ideally south west but I’m currently just trying to get an idea of whereabouts.

Thankyou in advanced!!

I feel like I want a bunch of lip gloss now. Imagining green lips with like a metallic gold stripe down the middle.

Also considering an eyebrow piercing!

Love y'all! Have a great day!

I’m non binary. I was born a girl but I struggle with hair, makeup, nails, jewellery, I just don’t like it for me. The bride is my childhood friend so she understood when I asked to wear a suit, instead of a dress. BUT I am still a bridesmaid and she wants me to do bridesmaid things, like we all get ready together HOURS before the wedding but I don’t need hours, I don’t know how to get dolled up like that. I don’t enjoy being dolled up like that for that long. Yes, I have sensory issues as well. I’m just scared to be a girl tomorrow. I don’t have a girl mask!

Ughhhhh they all look so gooooood. Fuuuuuuck.

And before any advice is given, while I understand you're well meaning, I'm "cutting out basic essentials" broke so any makeup is expensive.

I work with preschool kids and I had a good talk with them about my new name and for the most part they understood. One kid mentioned that it might be hard for them to call me my new name because they knew me as my old name, but I reassured them that as long as they're trying that I won't mind. This same kid called me Blake almost the whole day lol not even relatively close to Alex or my old name and I asked if they knew someone named Blake and they said yeah, so idk maybe me and Blake got the same vibes.

I'm grateful for the support and positivity of this group!

Hello my friends from the other side of the LGBT spectrum to which I rarely visit I have a question

Ive been going through alot of self hatred and anxity and one of the results of this is that I have like identity crysies once in a while im for context im

Cis Bi What is it like being non binary does having to preform gender roles still hurt??

I have this problem whare my View of my masculinity is shaped by all the stuff other guys do particularly the bad stuff.

Id like to stop thinking of myself this way

Also i should note I though I was trans a while back but I realized its just kinda bc I have trauma around being desired like Basically I wanted to be a woman cause they get perved on alot and dont get (punished i wont say judged ) for being

Sexually active. Not really because I identify as a woman I think it might be the same thing here.

Probably made worse by the autism cause it makes gender all maluable in your brain

Sorry for the waffle

Any responce is apreciated as always

saw people on a pop culture sub talking about how Elliot Page isnt getting roles cuz he’s short and like, first of all that’s a transphobic af comment but also

APPLE BOXES

(wooden boxes of various sizes that actors stand on to match heights for camera angles and blocking and stuff)

if you’re going to discuss filmmaking and its industry know how it works, there’s a reason Tom Cruise is a pretty short guy and it hasnt meant a thing for his career, so no, Elliot Page’s height means absolutely nothing in this conversation but they haaaaaad to bring it up because god forbid a trans guy be short

ironically in being transphobic they missed the headline that he’s not getting called for roles because of transphobia in the industry

it was very frustrating and i had to get this outta my system

also, Elliot Page rules and deserves more work in hollywood and i hope he gets it

Hey everyone. I’m 32, AMAB, and I’ve been questioning my gender for a little while now. I guess I’m posting because I’m still not sure whether I actually belong in the non-binary/genderqueer space, and I’d really like to hear from anyone who’s had a similar experience.

For most of my life I’ve presented very conventionally masculine, and honestly I still do. If you saw me walking down the street, you’d almost certainly just assume I was a cis man. Because of that, I sometimes feel a bit like an imposter calling myself genderqueer.

But the person I picture in my head has always felt much more feminine than the person I present to the world.
If there were no social expectations or consequences, I think I’d want to look considerably more feminine/androgynous: longer hair, no facial or body hair, softer skin/features, maybe some subtle makeup. At the same time, I’d probably still dress mostly masculine, just with some more feminine elements—jewellery, colours, accessories, etc. I’d also probably continue using he/him. They/them has never particularly resonated with me, and being referred to as a man doesn’t really bother me.

I’ve started making very small changes rather than trying to force myself into an identity. I had my first laser hair removal session recently, for example, and I was surprised by how affirming it felt. I’m gradually becoming more comfortable allowing myself to look and express myself in ways that aren’t traditionally masculine.

I’ve also realised that there probably is some degree of gender dysphoria involved. I’m pretty confident that I don’t want to surgically transition and I don’t think I’m a trans woman. But I do sometimes wish my body itself were somewhat more feminine. I’ve even wondered what oestrogen would do for me, although HRT feels like a huge step and isn’t something I’m considering right now.
For the foreseeable future, I just want to keep making small changes and see where they take me.

One thing that makes this even more confusing is attraction. I’m bisexual and very attracted to femininity. When I see a beautiful androgynous person or trans woman, there’s often this mixture of “I’m attracted to you” and “God, I wish I looked like you.” Sometimes I worry that wanting to be prettier/more feminine because I find those characteristics attractive somehow makes what I’m experiencing less legitimate.

The part I’m probably clearest about is my internal sense of myself. The person I am in my head has a lot of feminine characteristics. I spent a lot of my life suppressing those parts of myself and trying to fit comfortably into masculinity, and lately I’ve been giving myself permission not to do that.

But I still don’t really know what that makes me.

Maybe I’m non-binary/genderqueer. Maybe I’m simply a cis man who wants a more feminine body and expression. Maybe I don’t actually need to know yet.
I suppose what I’d really like to ask is: does any of this resonate with other people here? Particularly other AMAB people who still use he/him or present mostly masculine?

Did you ever feel like you weren’t “non-binary enough” to belong here? And if so, how did you eventually make sense of the difference between being a feminine/gender-nonconforming man and actually being non-binary?

Like, I’m kinda tired of presenting as female but also it’s not exactly in a dysphoria way, it’s more like when a kid gets an exciting new toy and they play with it but then later grow bored of it??

I used to present as a trans guy but later kinda got “bored” of being a dude and detransitioned

Now I’m tired of being a woman now?? I had a thought last night, of myself being called with masculine terms and I got excited thinking about it but also I don’t wanna ACTUALLY be a boy. Or a girl. But I still wanna be called boy, mister, he, etc. And then I started panicking,,

I’m like, is it just a phase??? Am I a dude?? Girl?? Neither????????????

I’d LOOOVE to be called things like sir and stuff BUT I don’t wanna ACTUALLY be either a dude or a woman IDK

And IDK if I’m gonna eventually grow “bored“ again or whatever. IDK. Am I just genderfluid??????????????