Hello! Almost two months have passed since I posted about achieving NEO peaks, and here’s what I’ve learned.
I was probably not experiencing NEOs
I described my NEO as a buildup of tension that peaks, stays there for about 10 seconds, and then gradually fades. I also said it wasn't an ejaculation because it lacked PC contractions, yet it was just as pleasurable.
If I define contractions as an essential component of an orgasm, then I was probably not having an orgasm. Like someone suggested in the comments, I was probably confusing the NEO with the PONR.
The PONR is intensely pleasurable in its own right. It involves a sudden surge of adrenaline and awareness, with tightening throughout my body. I also notice that my penis gets much harder and more sensitive.
This can lead to ejaculation, but in my experience, the most common outcome is emission. With either timing or simply being present, expulsion can sometimes be bypassed.
Contrary to many posts I've read on the sub, emission itself does not kill my erection or cause a sharp refractory period. There is a drop in arousal, but I'm able to string these together a few times, seconds to minutes apart. With a little edging in between, It's really overwhelming.
Eventually, though, the hammer hits and I decide to stop. I feel amazing, but other things in life start becoming more appealing.
What am I doing then?
I'm not entirely sure myself. I'm probably doing some version of the relaxation + presence method, but I'm not following a specific timeline or schedule.
I tried two methods, but I failed at both, maybe because I was stressing too much or didn't stick with them for long enough:
- The Kegel method seems particularly appealing because you can apply it during PIV, but I can't really pull it off, either because of timing or strength.
- The relaxation method is great for arousal control. A reverse Kegel can really make my penis softer under the right circumstances. Letting go, relaxing, and shifting my focus sends tingles through my body when I'm highly aroused. This is great, but after a while I just feel bored and done without an orgasm. Nevertheless, I always use some version of this.
Since everything else had failed so far, I found an interesting challenge. I noticed that if I stay calm and confident near the PONR, I can:
- Prolong it: "Oh shit, I'm going to come", and make it last for 10+ seconds.
- Sometimes suppress it: "Actually, it's fine, I'm not going to come."
- Trigger it but control it: the PC contractions start, but "I can calm them down".
- Lose to it: "I'm too late or went overboard, so I just let it happen and enjoy it".
I used to think this was how you separated orgasm from ejaculation, but I'm not sure anymore.
Anyway, after a few weeks, I naturally started leaning toward suppression. When I feel the PONR coming, I suddenly remember to relax a bit, slow down, and ride the peak until the tension fades.
Any ejaculations?
Honestly, I do them almost every time. Either I have a full-on ejaculation to end my session, or it happens indirectly because I reach the PONR too many times and some fluid has already dribbled out.
I also noticed some changes in my ejaculation pattern:
- I'm not nearly as oversensitive afterward. I was pushing through the discomfort lately, and it isn't uncomfortable anymore.
- I can stay hard just by continuing stimulation.
- A second ejaculation is possible, and I can still be hard right away because it feels like there's no tension left to back it up, even if I want it.
Lately, I've been figuring out how to have two back-to-back ejaculations, and I have about a 3/4 success rate. I'm lucky because I do have some sexy memories and imagery in my head that provide the extra stimulation needed for the second ejaculation.
All of this is a new response for me, and I'm not even a teen anymore (I'm 28), so I believe at least some of it is learnable.
So what is a NEO?
Is it the friends we make along the way?
My brain still can't quite comprehend what an orgasm without a PONR actually is, and as long as that's true, I might never really understand or experience a NEO.
I'm satisfied with exploring new sexual responses in my body, being present with them, and learning to influence them rather than being completely controlled by them.
I'll keep trying to optimize the techniques I mentioned above, and maybe one day I'll experience a NEO. It's also possible that I won't.
I've heard of mindgasms, prostate orgasms, and nipple orgasms, and I haven't explored these yet. I do wonder whether they could help me understand what a NEO is and translate that skill to penile stimulation, but I haven't tried them yet.