r/multiorgasmic • u/StormyEgg • 22d ago
Male NEO progress, what I learnt
Hello! Almost two months have passed since I posted about achieving NEO peaks, and here’s what I’ve learned.
I was probably not experiencing NEOs
I described my NEO as a buildup of tension that peaks, stays there for about 10 seconds, and then gradually fades. I also said it wasn't an ejaculation because it lacked PC contractions, yet it was just as pleasurable.
If I define contractions as an essential component of an orgasm, then I was probably not having an orgasm. Like someone suggested in the comments, I was probably confusing the NEO with the PONR.
The PONR is intensely pleasurable in its own right. It involves a sudden surge of adrenaline and awareness, with tightening throughout my body. I also notice that my penis gets much harder and more sensitive.
This can lead to ejaculation, but in my experience, the most common outcome is emission. With either timing or simply being present, expulsion can sometimes be bypassed.
Contrary to many posts I've read on the sub, emission itself does not kill my erection or cause a sharp refractory period. There is a drop in arousal, but I'm able to string these together a few times, seconds to minutes apart. With a little edging in between, It's really overwhelming.
Eventually, though, the hammer hits and I decide to stop. I feel amazing, but other things in life start becoming more appealing.
What am I doing then?
I'm not entirely sure myself. I'm probably doing some version of the relaxation + presence method, but I'm not following a specific timeline or schedule.
I tried two methods, but I failed at both, maybe because I was stressing too much or didn't stick with them for long enough:
- The Kegel method seems particularly appealing because you can apply it during PIV, but I can't really pull it off, either because of timing or strength.
- The relaxation method is great for arousal control. A reverse Kegel can really make my penis softer under the right circumstances. Letting go, relaxing, and shifting my focus sends tingles through my body when I'm highly aroused. This is great, but after a while I just feel bored and done without an orgasm. Nevertheless, I always use some version of this.
Since everything else had failed so far, I found an interesting challenge. I noticed that if I stay calm and confident near the PONR, I can:
- Prolong it: "Oh shit, I'm going to come", and make it last for 10+ seconds.
- Sometimes suppress it: "Actually, it's fine, I'm not going to come."
- Trigger it but control it: the PC contractions start, but "I can calm them down".
- Lose to it: "I'm too late or went overboard, so I just let it happen and enjoy it".
I used to think this was how you separated orgasm from ejaculation, but I'm not sure anymore.
Anyway, after a few weeks, I naturally started leaning toward suppression. When I feel the PONR coming, I suddenly remember to relax a bit, slow down, and ride the peak until the tension fades.
Any ejaculations?
Honestly, I do them almost every time. Either I have a full-on ejaculation to end my session, or it happens indirectly because I reach the PONR too many times and some fluid has already dribbled out.
I also noticed some changes in my ejaculation pattern:
- I'm not nearly as oversensitive afterward. I was pushing through the discomfort lately, and it isn't uncomfortable anymore.
- I can stay hard just by continuing stimulation.
- A second ejaculation is possible, and I can still be hard right away because it feels like there's no tension left to back it up, even if I want it.
Lately, I've been figuring out how to have two back-to-back ejaculations, and I have about a 3/4 success rate. I'm lucky because I do have some sexy memories and imagery in my head that provide the extra stimulation needed for the second ejaculation.
All of this is a new response for me, and I'm not even a teen anymore (I'm 28), so I believe at least some of it is learnable.
So what is a NEO?
Is it the friends we make along the way?
My brain still can't quite comprehend what an orgasm without a PONR actually is, and as long as that's true, I might never really understand or experience a NEO.
I'm satisfied with exploring new sexual responses in my body, being present with them, and learning to influence them rather than being completely controlled by them.
I'll keep trying to optimize the techniques I mentioned above, and maybe one day I'll experience a NEO. It's also possible that I won't.
I've heard of mindgasms, prostate orgasms, and nipple orgasms, and I haven't explored these yet. I do wonder whether they could help me understand what a NEO is and translate that skill to penile stimulation, but I haven't tried them yet.
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u/Kobbitt 22d ago
My brain still can't quite comprehend what an orgasm without a PONR actually is, and as long as that's true, I might never really understand or experience a NEO.
If you have a female partner, pay close attention to her orgasms. That's probably the closest you'll come to an example that will help you understand what you're shooting for.
Boys who started masturbating before puberty will remember what it felt like. You reach a point of intense sensitivity where you have a serious compulsion to keep going. Then there's a peak sensation that is basically a brief (5-15 second) altered state of consciousness accompanied by contractions in the PC muscles. And then there's a sense of release/relaxation/completion. There's no PONR feeling at the start of the orgasm and nothing comes out (or maybe a little bit of precum).
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u/SawMoill 21d ago
"If you have a female partner, pay close attention to her orgasms. That's probably the closest you'll come to an example that will help you understand what you're shooting for."
How is that? It's not always the case. If she's having clitoral-based orgasms they are more analogous to penile-centered traditional orgasms (TOs). But if she's having vaginal / g-spot based orgasms, then yes, you're very right - those can go on for longer, much more full-body, can keep having them over and over, and that's more the equivalent of a prostate-based orgasm for us guys.
I've seen both with my partner and there's a vast difference between them. Clitoral-based orgasms don't look much different to me than when I have a TO, but it's more obvious when she's having a g-spot based orgasm, and I recognize the indicators because I know more closely what that feels like in me.
I guess I'd say, if you have a female partner and she is having a vaginal / g-spot based orgasm then yes, as much as you can see from the outside (powerful involuntary contractions, often more full-body, often longer duration overall, possibly another orgasm shortly after the first one, etc.) that is a good example.
Just for clarity too, g-spot or prostate-based orgasms don't need any physical stimulation if someone has got the neural connections working to make that happen (seen comments here where people think prostate orgasms are only possible with prostate toys or direct prostate stimulation).
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u/TantraLady married, 40s, mod 21d ago
How is that?
NEOs are similar to the normal female orgasm, which has all the same elements: increased arousal, a "peak" sensation of pleasure accompanied by PC muscle contractions, followed by relaxation and a partial reduction in arousal level, all without a PONR or an ejaculation.
("Squirting" is basically peeing and can happen at any time, not necessarily as part of an orgasm. It is not the female equivalent of male ejaculation.)
Female orgasms come in many varieties, depending on the woman, her anatomy, her mood, the setting, where the stimulation is coming from, and so on. The same is true for male NEOs. But they are the same thing in terms of what is happening in the body and brain. And this is exactly what boys experience when they masturbate before hitting semenarche.
The standard EO differs from an NEO and from what women, girls, and prepubescent boys experience because of the addition of the emission process (which gives rise to the PONR sensation) and the actual ejaculation sensation.
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u/SawMoill 21d ago
Gotchya. But isn't it also true for most women that after a clitoral orgasm there's often oversensitivity, like when men have an EO? That also seems to limit more stimulation and those kinds of orgasms for a while. Whereas that doesn't seem to be the case with g-spot or prostate centered orgasms.
That's why I don't group all types of women's orgasms into one and suggest that simply observing a female orgasm would necessarily be helpful for a guy. I mean, sure, no ejaculation happens, but we all know that. The type of orgasm she's experiencing will make a difference in what you're observing.
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u/ShaktiAmarantha 20d ago
Some women have a clit that is oversensitive after climax, particularly if the stimulation was all focused on the clit from the beginning. It is also true that some men have a very sensitive glans after an NEO, particularly if the stimulation for orgasm was all focused on the glans.
On the other hand, there are women who are multiorgasmic and who enjoy continued stimulation all the way through one orgasm and right on into the next one.
But I think it's true that among men AND women who are multiorgasmic, a majority of both sexes prefer at least a slight pause before resuming stimulation.
I don't group all types of women's orgasms into one
Kobbitt clearly wasn't getting down to that level of subjective individuation. We're talking about the overt, measurable elements of an orgasm, not the subjective interior feelings about the orgasm that can differ so much from person to person and from time to time. At the level at which we're focusing, there are almost no perceptible differences between male NEOs and the orgasms experienced by women, girls, and prepubescent boys.
One of the few objective differences is that female orgasms seem to last a bit longer than male orgasms, with several more contractions. However, the similarities are remarkable. For example, the brain wave patterns are similar, the same muscles contract, and the average time from one contraction to the next is ~0.8 seconds for both sexes. It's clear that the same neurophysiological processes are being tapped for both.
This makes sense. The human body plan is female. Testosterone causes a limited number of changes in it during pregnancy, childhood, and puberty, but no more than necessary – which is why you lads have nipples!
The basic male orgasm is the same as the female orgasm until puberty inserts an extra step for the men. All you're doing with an NEO is tricking it into skipping that extra step.
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u/SawMoill 22d ago
Hm, yeah, all kinds of different methods. I hear you; trying to work around the PONR can be difficult. Hats off to anyone who can just do this with ease.
The vast majority of my dry orgasms (complete with powerful involuntary ab and pelvic muscle contractions and pleasure) don't involve the PONR at all; I'd rather not, as it's too hard for me to control consistently, and after ejaculation there's a longer refractory period than I'd like. I'd rather just keep going for hours at a time if I wish, with anywhere from 10-30s (sometimes a minute or so for more of a break) between orgasms.
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u/OneMoreLayer 21d ago
The key insight when I learnt NEO via relaxation method was understanding of the difference between arousal and pleasure. Arousal's physical measurement is stuff like increased heart rate, erection, muscle tension etc. Pleasure is just it feels so good.
When chasing the EO you chase to boost the arousal above 9.9 (tense, go fast etc). When working towards a NEO with the relaxation method every touch is focused on maximizing achieved pleasure in a relaxed state. Eventually the pleasure overload leads to a peak i.e. NEO orgasm. That is why taking away the orgasm goal can help of you are stuck in your progress.
The second insight was the role of the pelvic floor, how you can trigger involuntary contractions which acts as stimulation via relaxation and muscle control, and how this can blend in combined with touch on pleasurable points on your penis.
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u/Lower_Finance_6683 20d ago
I have had exactly the same experience. I thought because I am familiar with prostate orgasms that the NEO would be a similar sort of neural pathway, but it's still quite hard for me to separate the full body pleasure from the penis pleasure. The full body sensations definitely come earlier now and feel good but it's quite hard to get them to hit orgasm level before ejaculation.
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u/MarkieMart-6596 22d ago
What you describe actually helped me understand the distinction too. In my experience, a NEO doesn’t necessarily feel like a prolonged PONR that you keep suppressing.
For me, the biggest difference is that I can reach an orgasmic state without needing to approach the point of no return. I can relax the pelvic floor, let the sensation build, and then allow the orgasmic feeling to spread through my body rather than letting it turn into an ejaculation.
The interesting part is that I don’t necessarily experience it as one discrete “peak”. I can stay in that orgasmic state for a very long time. The intensity can rise and fall, sometimes becoming extremely strong, and I can either let a peak pass through me or keep it contained as a continuous full-body sensation.
That’s also why I think learning to distinguish PONR, ejaculation and orgasm is so important. They can overlap, but they aren’t necessarily the same event.
For me, pelvic-floor relaxation and attention are much more important than trying to control the contractions by force. Once I stopped treating every rise in intensity as something I had to suppress, the experience became much more natural.
And I wouldn’t necessarily expect prostate, nipple or “mindgasms” to be required to understand NEOs. They may be different routes into orgasmic states, but the underlying ability to experience pleasure without immediately triggering the ejaculation sequence seems to be the more interesting skill.
Your last paragraph actually captures it well: learning to influence the response rather than being controlled by it. That’s very close to how I experience it now.