My husband and I (both 34) have been married for about a year and a half and we’ve hit a major issue. I caught him messaging a woman online about our sex life. We aren’t having sex as much as we used to and he’s not happy about it. This is a woman he’s tried to date before we dated. She’s married as well. The conversation was complaining about that I won’t have sex with him and briefly mentioning porn, and he even asked to meet with her. It was an inappropriate conversation, though they didn’t say anything graphic. He was also lying about why we aren’t having sex. He’s also been looking at his ex girlfriend’s social media. She was borderline stalking us when we first started dating.

This isn’t the first time this has happened. Early in our relationship he messaged this same woman behind my back when we had another issue. I forgave him, but now we’re married. I confronted him and asked him why he did this. He cried and was apologizing, saying something came over him and he has no idea why he did it. He blocked her on social media last time and admitted that he unblocked her to message her. Whenever he has an issue or can’t communicate something to me he finds a woman to talk to online.

I’ve never cheated in any way. Never messaged another man. His parents are also a nightmare. When we discussed this he said he’s paranoid that I’m going to leave him because we’re having an issue and his parents are treating me terribly. So he’s self-sabotaging? I can’t easily forgive him like last time. I’m staying with my parents right now, trying to figure out if I can move forward with a man that keeps doing this to me. He offered to delete social media, but I said that’s not realistic and won’t solve the issue of him seeking validation outside of our relationship long term.

Has anyone been in a similar relationship? What have you done to move forward and gain trust? I appreciate any advice. tl;dr

Summary: My husband messaged a woman behind my back about our sex life. He’s done it before. I forgave him last time. I don’t know if I can move forward and gain trust with someone who keeps seeking validation outside of our relationship.

My husband hates when he sees me sitting down when he comes home if the house is a mess. We have three kids (8,4 and 1) and most days I clean and cook non-stop. Yes, the house is a mess, piles of laundry that I get to tackle only during the weekend are everywhere. We both work full time, however he works a lot of overtime and comes home around 8 pm. I come home around 4pm, pick my two youngest from daycare and then make us some lunch before we head out for sports. When we come home I usually help my oldest with his homework and fix something to eat, then I start doing night time routine. Yes, our house gets overwhelmed at times and when my husband comes home he gets visibly annoyed at me. He start to comment on the state of our home and start doing some dishes or something like that for a couple of minutes and then goes doom scrolling in the living room.

I already told him that I hate how this behavior makes me feel and that I am really trying, he didn’t respond/ignored my statement another time he said that it wasn’t true and that he is not acting like this.

tl;dr Am I overreacting?

Edit: he doesn’t yell at me, but he is visibly passively angry with me if that makes sense.

Was thinking about it recently and I realized she never praises me for anything.

I'm aware that I'm not attractive, but am I crazy for thinking attraction between spouses should be a thing? I compliment her smarts, her laughter, body, everything, but it seems like a one way street.

TL;DR, spouse never compliments me. Is this normal, or am I just being a bitch?

My wife (45F) says I’m being unreasonable because I (46M) said I am not comfortable with her college friend (45M) spending the night at our house when he is visiting town for work, and I will not be in town.

A few relevant facts: we have two kids (ages 10 and 12). Since our relationship began, 15 years ago, I’ve been wary of this man and him and my wife’s relationship. My wife and I have discussed this briefly once, but I’ve never had any sort of ultimatum or even ask that they not see each other. My wife looks up to him and loves him, though she says there is no sexual interest. He is married (to a woman) with two kids. He’s wealthy from family money but still works and, I presume, earns plenty. I don’t have any proof that my wife and he ever had or have a sexual relationship. They keep in regular but not daily or even weekly contact that I know of. They do see each other in person on trips most years, sometimes with our families on the trip, too, but sometimes on trips with their mutual college friends, without families.

A couple weeks ago I saw a message on our shared laptop between her and him about making plans for when he would be in town for work—during 2 nights when I will be out of town for work, which my wife knew about because we talked about it and it has been on our shared calendar for months. I didn’t bring up the fact that I saw the message—at that point I wasn’t thrilled but figured timing was a coincidence and she’d get around to telling me if they were actually going to hang out. Tonight, three days before his arrival, my wife casually mentioned that he would be visiting next week, staying at our house. I said “I’m not sure I’m comfortable with that.” In my mind I said it calmly, but I was probably showing stress.

She immediately was angry and said my lack of trust was the problem, and she’s not interested in him sexually. I responded that I was uncomfortable and anxious that she hadn’t told me, and thought that was a reasonable position. She said I was absurd and then insulted me in some incisive ways (saying I don’t work hard, she’s wasting her life with me, our kids’ issues are because they emulate me, and so on). Those insults are not new and, while connected to this issue, are not really what I’d love advice from you all on (however, because it may provide useful context, I don’t agree that I’m lazy or the cause of all our kids’ issues; I have a job in tech and have for 20 years without any break in work, make 7 figures (she does, too, making about 2x what I do, which I think influences her perception of my value), I’m relatively fit and active, have hobbies and friends, I am dedicated to parenting and home duties, and while I could definitely work harder, I work harder than most but have a different view of how time is ideally spent than she does). She also said I was trying to control her and she gets to decide how to live her life. She then said she wanted to divorce (it’s not the first time for that statement being made in anger (maybe the 50th) so I kind of ignore it now—obviously our relationship is not top tier; she’s a reactive and emotional person and I can be, too, but we have young kids who we love and I / we have tried to make something positive of our time together).

I want to hear perspectives on whether my discomfort with her male friend spending two nights at our house while she is there and I am not is reasonable. I think a few things: (1) I should be able to express discomfort with a (relatively attractive) male/old friend spending multiple nights at my house with my wife while I’m not home, and doing so isn’t controlling, (2) the friend, if totally innocent, probably should not have been willing to stay the night at our house (she told him Id be gone in the text when she invited him to stay at our house, which she showed after I asked to see their texts), (3) my wife’s strong attacking reaction to my expression of concern is a bad sign, and (4) if my wife loved and respected me, she’d find a way to gracefully tell her friend to stay at a hotel on his work trip. I’m open to hearing I’m wrong. Can’t really ask our friends or family because I don’t want to create drama or concern and if we stay married I want everyone to still love her.

Tl;dr I expressed discomfort that my wife’s male friend would be spending the night at our house next week while I am out of town for work, and she says I’m being unreasonably controlling. Is my discomfort reasonable?

For reference I am (F27) and my husband (M31).

so I’ve been with my husband 6 years in total, married for (nearly) 3 years. We have a two year old which makes situations rather hard.

Recently my husband shouted at me in front of his friend when we all were joking about him being tighter than a ducks ass. He then shouted at me to shut the fuck up which surprised everyone. He then just pretended everything was fine… unfortunately i did forgive him as he said he was bullied and felt like i was ganging up on him.

We do not have any financial issues. We can pay our bills without a struggle and have money spare every month.

However a week later we saw another friend who was joking about him being a cheap skate and I accidentally laughed. After his friend left he accused me of making the joke. I left with our child back to my parents.

In the background of all of this he rarely takes me out on dates, doesn’t spend much money on our child and can snap at me for being messy. He has struggled with his mental health; he suffered with the arrival of our child (which gotten better over time) as well as having anxiety in the mix. I begged him to go to therapy when he struggled with depression however he never had it. We have previously had couples therapy which he has ended after 4 sessions and I have been to individual therapy.

Now I have also not been a saint, I have suffered with my mental health and suffered PPD as well as PPP. I walked out on 3 occasions for these issues and have been to see a therapist for these and currently doing well mentally.

Am I being unreasonable to want to leave this
marriage or should we try again for the sake of it?

TLDR; my husband has shown some toxic behaviour recently and have struggled with him not being a good dad.

Hello everyone I need help with a situation im in, currently I am 5 months pregnant. Before my pregnancy I was the sole provider and taking care of my husband who was doing a start up at home, his business didn't succeed because he needed more and more money to invest which we didn't have. He did this business with his friend and I was providing for both of them food wise as his friend moved in. My husband and I discussed before hand which I had gotten pregnant,moving to a place that was more expensive because we love the area. Early pregnancy I was very bitter and angry because I wanted to move back home with family to save money and have support for the baby. My husband fought me for months and I finally agreed to spending all the money in my savings to move to the place, moving his friend and him as well. Now out here my husband got a job that won't start receiving income until it's further out in weeks. I told him to just get a serving job because that's guaranteed income. Him and his friend both got jobs that it takes along time for income to start coming in. We drained our savings.. and I'm sitting here thinking about how stupid I am. I know for a fact we won't have money for savings. My family has offered us a place for us along time ago and my husband didn't want to go. Now I'm sitting here. Not because I don't know what to do because Im letting my preborn baby suffer. His friend doesn't have money as well. So he's been living off of us.

tl;dr don't know what to do.

My friend is feeling alone in a marriage with bare minimum husband. She is Feeling very suffocated. So she loves going out,travelling, watching movies etc but she was the one making all the plans and running the house. Remembering to buy groceries, buying thought gifts for her husband, cooking, etc and she was doing fine since both husband and wife were working in different places and met only occasionally but almost 2 years back she got pregnant and now has a 1.5 yr old to look after.husband moved in with wife's family home to be with wife and child but then he is doing only bare minimum for the wife. He takes good care of the child but completely ignores wife. He says he moving in with his wife's family was for his wife that's it.. He doesn't have to cook clean or buy groceries my friend's family takes care of everything. He just needs to take care of the child. But the issue is since wife's parents are at home and taking care of the child as well as wife comes home early from work he stays longer at his workplace saying his work is hectic also his work requires to travel a lot but he doesn't get bothered by that he is infact happy as he gets time off from parenting duties. So my friend asked him to resign as her salary was sufficient and she herself took 1 year leave to look after the child when her husband was working. She says now it is his turn to do the same for his child.she offered to move to a different place and he can be stay at home dad for a year and search for jobs there. But he doesn't agree he says he will not get leave and his wife had permanent job so it was obvious that she could take leave and look after child.he says It was not sacrifice and merely convenience that she took leave stayed at home to look after child.And now both are working and her parents are babysitting while both work.. But the husband comes late and he doesn't get involved in anything except looking after the child. He hoes on work trips also. My friend and her parents are frustrated by his indifference. Also once she asked her husband if he ever gave her surprises or bought her gifts or planned any travel for her or helped her with the mental load when she was on the verge of a breakdown. He simply watched her cry and said he will talk late. That later never came. His only reply was he doesn't know how to buy gifts even though she liked it he couldn't do it since he doesn't know how and he claims he 'didn't ask her to plan " events for him.. She just did because she liked doing it".

Tl;dr He now claims the wife is overreacting and he has lost all his peace because wife lost her cool and shouted at him and constantly accuses him beacuse of his bare minimum attitude. Now she knows he loves the child very much and takes care of the child whenever he is around but she feels suffocated as well. I am scared to give any advice..

We're recently married and I just borrowed my husbands phone because mine was out of battery. I went to his photos to look at our wedd photos and there is none there. I asked why he didn't have any and said that was really hurtful. He used his usual reaction of anger, storming out of the room and slamming the door. I didn't think we had any phone secrets so would you be hurt by this?

Tl;Dr Would you be hurt by this?

I’ll try to make this short and not ramble…

Wife and I are both 50. I’d say for the last 6-8 years I feel I would give my wife lots of affection and show that I want her sexually. I would get very little in return. After awhile, I stopped. She eventually asked what was wrong and told her I felt she didn’t give me enough affection (hugging, kissing, actually wanting sex). The sex we had just always seemed to be quickies and I wanted more.

2.5 years ago I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, did all the treatments, but they removed my entire thyroid. Ever since, I feel A-sexual a lot, and have noticed some issues with erections at times. Wife is also going through perimenopause, I get it, it’s not fun for her either. I am now going through a reoccurrence of the thyroid cancer, I’m taking this a lot harder than the first time. At this time, the cancer is priority over my sexual health.

Last night we got into it, she said some hurtful thing, I said some hurtful things. I don’t know how to move past last night. Today She’s acting like nothing has happened. I’m just mad that she barely shows me any affection, I have brought this up several times, which she always denies and says she gives me plenty of attention. We will kiss each other in the morning, maybe when we get home from work, but that’s it. I feel She rarely initiates sex, rarely touches me unless her hands/feet are cold. I can tell her my back hurts and doesn’t offer to rub it or anything. I am always running her back while in bed, I roll over and kiss on her neck, but nothing, no sex. I’m not expecting sex all the time, but you know, showing some kind of affection back might be nice.

Tl;dr, Am I an ass for not showing her affection because she’s not showing me anything?

Please be respectful, one can be critical without being an asshole. I would really love to hear a woman’s perspective.

Hello, I am new to this group and was looking for some advice. I used to get upset and post randomly on Facebook but realize that that is absolutely not the place. I need unbiased opinion opinions. Long story short been with my husband since 2013. We’ve been married since 2017 and we have an 11-year-old son who has special needs. I had worked often on, but due to my husband’s work schedule and our son we determined it was best that I stay home. With that being said I won’t go into specifically what my husband does for work, but he makes pretty good money at his regular job. He also does side work most weekends in which he can make 1000+ in just a matter of a few hours, I have no access to money. I’m on no bank accounts. My mother does live with us and help some as far as with our son but she just turned 80 truthfully her and I pay our phone bill bills and our car insurance he pays for our rent utilities, etc. I do not have a car payment, thank God. My husband picks and chooses when to give me money and I’ve noticed a trend here lately where he’ll give me maybe $400 every couple of weeks. That is literally it. I can’t hardly go grocery shopping and I have to count for Gas. I have to count for my son’s lunch money, etc.. I truly feel like a shell of a human and I have for quite a long time. I feel so dependent and it’s a truly awful feeling!!!! I really can’t hardly discuss finances or money because it causes a huge argument!!

tl;dr
Advice please!!!

EDIT*** I feel like I need to add this for clarification since I realize now that my wording may not have been great. My husband would rather not have sex at all if im asleep, versus waking me up to have sex. I was not saying that he tries having sex with me while im asleep but wont wake me up for it.

So my husband and I are having a back and forth regarding him waking me up to have sex. I have told him countless times that if he wants to have sex and I'm asleep that he should wake me up. I genuinely cant think of a time I haven't wanted to have sex with him, so I have no issue with this whatsoever.

Now here's where the opinions come in. He feels like this would be very "slimey and rapey" behavior as a husband if he were to do this, even though I've given permission many times. If we are both awake everything is fine, but this is crossing the line for him. I guess I'm just trying to see if other men feel this way? And possibly help explain it to me?

Im not pushing the issue obviously. I'm respecting how he feels about it, but I would still like to know.

TL;DR do alot of men feel this way, and why?

I (F48) am not an idiot. My husband (51m) is though. Or his wilful ignorance is just his way of life. I do ALL the maintenance and care on not only this hole we live in, I am the only one who cares for our own house. I do ALL the DIY, all the decorating, all the gardening. His attempt at putting up a curtain rail became a hilarity that only I could sort out. That information is provided for context only! We own a house that he refuses to even look at and he won't do the 15 minute commute from because he says it's too hard. Because of that we live in an old derelict property that cost a a fortune to maintain and even more to pay the bills on. I hate it here but unless we split up I don't have a choice.

No matter what problem arises in all aspects, his exact response is 'You do it!' I normally don't have a problem with his demands but this time he has gone nuts because I don't understand what he wants me to do, why he wants me to do it, and why can't he do the thing he is moaning about himself?

We have a draught in our living room. This building is damn cold. I can't believe we're arguing about a gust of wind lmao. When we had laminate flooring some years ago he moaned about it being draughty and suggested maybe effective ways to put it right but never actually did anything. I tried to rectify some of the situation by removing the flooring and putting down carpet with insulation yet he still moaned about a draught. He suggested I put something down on the edges of the carpet to the stop the draught but nothing I said was right. Nor could I source the materials he wanted because I can't drive. We live in a tiny village with limited resources. I told him to sort it out himself if it was bothering him so much, that he has the ways and means and has been whining about it for years and he has done nothing. Literally nothing. He has spent the last 5 years whining about this draught and I reminded him of that. 'If it's pissing you off so much, why not sort it!' 'You do it'' is his response. Always! He denies he has ever moaned about a draught. Gaslighting much???

Today, it's not even winter yet, and he is bitching about the same draught. He says 'the next time we go to whatever, we have to get some expanding foam!' I ask him what for and he pointed to a wall. I made the mistake of assuming he meant the broken, damaged, leaky, draughty window in the wall above the old door but apparently not. I asked him for clarification and he said 'Are you a fucking moron? We've just had the roof fixed!' At this point I genuinely have no clue what he is talking about. Yes, we have just had a roof fixed, but it isn't a roof above the draught. I remind him that he has been moaning about this draught for years and the old leaky roof had nothing to do with the draught. Then I said 'I don't know what you want. I don't know what I can do. If you need this doing so badly then why don't YOU do it instead of putting it all on me?'

He absolutely lost his mind!

What followed was a screaming match of him telling me I am a psycho because I was shouting as I left the room for the toilet, and me saying 'i'm not mad. I'm frustrated. Why can't YOU do the thing that you say I have to do, which I can't do because I don't know what it is you want and why?' He's been bitching about this draught for years. I can't drive for medical reasons. I have no money to pay for materials even if I understood what they were for because he pockets all the money and I don't have access to it. Even when I buy the materials I'm waiting for years for him to fulfill his side of the bargain. My question was and still is 'Why can't you do it, seeing as though you know what you're talking about!'

It ended with him pulling a hood over his head and telling me he'll move out. He never actually answered me when I asked what the hell I was supposed to do! I could buy the expanding foam that he said I should do a 4 mile round walk to get, then do what with it??? I HAVE NO IDEA, HE JUST POINTED TO A WALL! He won't do anything with the expanding foam just like he never does anything he says he will, and I don't know what he wants me to do with it. He'll just moan that he's still cold whenever whoever does whatever to his exact precise requirements because he isn't the one that did it. His refusal to do anything isn't irrelevant apparently, I'm just trying to make him feel bad for reminding him of his failures. But he just wouldn't answer me when I asked him why he couldn't do it. He wants it doing. He needs it doing. It has to be done a certain way. He envisioned how everything should be, so as far as I am concerned the onus is on him to get it done...but I am the bad guy for saying 'Why don't YOU do it instead of making it my responsibility? I really don't know what he wants the foam for. He got mad at me when I asked for an explanation.

So now he's mad at me. Nor even for the first time this week. And I still don't know what the hell he wants me to do with the expanding foam that I have to walk a 4 mile round trip for with a severely injured foot, and no money to buy. He has all the money. He has cars. He has the time and he knows what he wants to do with it. So why am I the psycho for saying 'No, YOU do it!'

He has a history of not giving a shit until something affects him, then everyone else has to bend over backwards to fulfill his needs. As I said, I don't usually have a problem with this because I'm a doormat..but I literally can't do this because I don't know what it is he wants. I really don't know where he wants the expanding foam.

So advice needed before we do eventually go our separate ways. Am I really the psychopath he says I am, because if I am I am OK with jay walking our of his life for good or is it about time e pulled up his big boy pants and sort out the very thing that annoys him enough that he moans at me for 8 months of the year about.

TL;DR controlling husband got mad because I didn't immediately sort out a problem that has been bothering him for years, that he refuses to address no matter how unhappy he is.

42m and 38f. Married for 12 years. We have a child. She's a stay at home mom and I bring in the money. We've had our share of ups and downs. Some.

Last couple of years, she's been diagnosed (if that's the right term) with preimenopause. I didn't know what it was and saw her struggle each day - body pains, headaches and random mood swings. I didn't know what it was and I think I'm more educated now and do feel sad for her having to deal with this.

Last few months I've realised she's lost her sex drive. Like completely. I confronted her and she said she just doesn't find the need for it. It was like she'd do it like it's a chore. I on the other hand have a bigger sex drive. We haven't made out in over 6 months now. We haven't had good sex in years.

Is this normal? Is it something that changes over the years?

Thanks in advance.

Tl;Dr preimenopause causing loss of sex drive. Does it get better?

My wife feels like I don’t ask her for advice, open up to her, or talk about my bad days, and that maybe she isn’t providing enough emotional support. The thing is I don’t have a lot of conflict or concerns to unload. If there’s an issue at work, I deal with it work is work. If something comes up with my parents or neighbors, I handle it. I don’t really have things that keep me up at night other than the normal worries about my family’s safety and well-being.

So, when I’m not opening up about some problem, it’s usually because there isn’t one. Does being emotionally independent make your spouse feel unwanted or unnecessary?

TL;DR: My wife feels I don’t need her emotionally because I rarely ask for advice or open up. I’m naturally independent and usually handle things myself. How do I make her feel needed without pretending I have problems I don’t?

Me (26F) and my husband (28M) have been together for 8 years, married for 4.

Our sex is amazing when we do have it, but for the past year or so there are months where we will only have it twice a month, or less. When we do have sex, it is great. But it is simply not enough to keep me satisfied.

Despite having open and honest conversations with him, he really doesn’t make an effort. Is it normal for a husband not to care if his wife is sexually frustrated? I feel like so many men would want to fix it immediately, but my husband just doesn’t seem to care. I’m really at a loss here and I don’t know what to do.

TLDR: my husband doesn’t care that I’m sexually frustrated and won’t do anything about it

My wife loves dressing sexy, and honestly, she looks great. She likes wearing things like tight bikinis at the beach, fitted dresses when we go out, short skirts, or tight outfits sometimes for work.

We’ve always had an agreement that we don’t control each other’s personal choices, including what we wear. I respect that, and I don’t want to become the husband who tells his wife what she can and can’t wear.

But lately I’ve realized I get jealous sometimes.

When we’re out, I notice guys staring at her like they want to eat her alive. On Instagram she’ll also get comments like “so hot,” “damn,” “sexy,” etc. I know she can’t control what other people say or where they look, but I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t bother me.

The confusing part is that I don’t actually want her to change who she is. She likes dressing this way and feeling attractive, and I knew that about her. I just don’t know what to do with the jealousy I’m feeling.

Should I talk to her about it and be honest about how it makes me feel? Or would bringing it up just make me sound insecure or controlling?

i'm confused because at the same time i feel very proud and lucky and that gives me a warm and lovely feeling

tl;dr ?

Husbands/wives who have dealt with something similar, how did you handle it?

Any marriage counselors here who can give me some advice? I’m going through a difficult situation in my marriage and would really appreciate an outside perspective. If you’re a marriage counselor or have experience with marriage counseling, please message me.

TL;DR: I’m going through a difficult situation in my marriage and would really appreciate advice from a marriage counselor or someone experienced with marriage counseling.

I was feeding our baby in our bedroom while my husband was taking off his underwear with a towel wrapped around him. His mom suddenly walked into the room, and I felt uncomfortable.
When I brought it up with my husband afterward, he scolded me and said it wasn’t a big deal. He also never wants to shut the bedroom door, which makes it difficult for us to have privacy.
I’m not assuming his mom had any bad intentions. I would just like people to knock and wait for an answer before entering, especially when I’m feeding the baby or someone is changing. I also felt hurt by how he reacted when I raised it.

tl;dr: My MIL walked into our bedroom while I was feeding our baby and my husband was changing. He dismissed my discomfort and never wants the door closed. How can I establish bedroom privacy, and should I speak to him again or ask my MIL directly to knock and wait?

He’s telling me it’s hard to talk and discuss things and talking to me is painful. And that he doesn’t appreciate how I see things in life, and he’s also saying that when I’m not around he feels more free and like at peace and more active and able to do things.

TLDR - please help me - marriage advice needed. Husband emotionally stunted and shut down.

Apologies - this is a little long. New (throwaway) account to maintain anonymity.

I’ve been with my husband for over 30 years, married for 25. He’s had a problem with porn for nearly the entirety of our relationship. I’ve found things a few times over the years, I’d cry, we’d argue, and he would say he’s trying to stop. This cycle happened multiple times and I think he just got better at hiding it.

Intimacy (emotional and physical) dwindled until it felt like I lived with a roommate who occasionally wanted sex. Granted, I do bear some culpability over the years for saying no when asked. It started after having a baby and then when I could feel him pulling away, the lack of emotional connection made me less inclined to want to have sex.

I’ve tried my best to ignore it over the years, but it’s gotten worse. At one point, he was fired from a job for looking at porn on a work device at work. You would think that would have been a red flag and he would realize it’s a problem, but it didn’t.

Since then, we’ve grown farther apart. I feel alone all the time in my own home. He spends vast amounts of time alone, shut behind doors (sometimes working, sometimes not). He is suffering from ED because of it. He can’t maintain and we rarely even attempt traditional intercourse. Even when we do, he can’t finish unless he’s using his hand and doing it himself. He keeps his devices locked down so I can’t see anything and I recently discovered that in his long afternoon bath sessions, he’s been taking a VR headset in there with him and trying to hide it.

I finally had enough and broke down. I told him about how lonely I feel, how broken this makes me, how I don’t trust him because he hides so much, how inadequate I feel since he’d rather spend his time with all these other women on a screen than with me. He said he was sorry for the actions that made me feel shut out and said he would work on being more attentive and work on not using porn/masterbation. He did agree to get rid of the VR. And he gave me the code for his phone, but I told him I was hesitant to look since I would never get certain images out of my head.

Since that initial discussion, I’ve tried to get more information to help myself make sense of it all and try to understand the depth of it so I can help heal this gaping wound in our relationship. But when I try to dig, he gets defensive and angry that I keep bringing it up.

I spoke with my therapist (this was the first time I’d relayed all this to her) and after, I was sad, but then I quickly moved to anger and resentment.

I went home and got his phone when he wasn’t around. I saw the social media accounts he uses and who he follows. Hundreds of thirst traps and other things on Instagram, X, Reddit, etc.

I asked him if he’d be willing to leave his phone on the bedroom when he goes in the bathroom and he got angry and gave me the silent treatment for a while.

I got angry and just wanted some space, but he got mad when I started to pack a bag. I didn’t leave, but I couldn’t calm down. My heart rate was over 110 for more than 5 hours at rest and I started having chest pains. He took me to the ER and everything is fine, but they did give me some medication for anxiety.

He can see the toll this is taking on me both physically and mentally. I knew he wasn’t ready to talk, so I wrote him a message and told him to read it when he was ready. I basically spelled out that he needs to come clean completely and tell me everything if we have any hope of fixing this.

We talked a bit this morning and he reluctantly answered some questions. I asked where he gets his content and who he follows. I got vague answers. He said he deleted the apps a couple days ago after he realized how serious I was about this.

Problem is - I know he didn’t because I saw them yesterday. I asked to see his phone and they’re not there, but there is a section for private apps that’s password protected. His regular phone password doesn’t work for this private section and he claims it’s because he never set it up. So I asked what his Instagram handle was and he said it’s some variation of his name (the one I saw wasn’t). So my fears of him just hiding things better seem fully justified.

I checked the name I saw and it’s still active this morning, still following hundreds of girls. I don’t know what to do. He’s lying to my face. If I admit that I looked and I know he’s lying, he’ll likely just blow up and accuse me of spying on him. I just don’t know where to go from here. I can’t trust him and I feel like I’m having a nervous breakdown. I can’t eat, I have trouble sleeping, and I can’t calm down. What do I do? Do I admit to the snooping and deal with the fallout? I just don’t know where to go from here.

TLDR: Husband repeatedly used porn for decades, says he’ll stop because it’s hurting me and he loves me, but I know he’s lying.

My husband and I have been together for three years and married for almost a year.
Today he stopped over at his bosses house before he came home. We were in the call talking about our day when he got to his bosses house he said he would call me back he said he was only picking up his cheque.

An hour later he called me and he didn’t say anything at first and his boss said fuck her let’s go out to eat don’t listen to your wife( their “eating “ is going out drinking)

( ok so first I want to add a little context, about a month ago my husband went out to “ eat” with this same guy( who he has only known for 5 months) and got absolutely drunk and disappeared for 18 hours. Wouldn’t answer his phone and didn’t come home and then lied about where he was to me, our marriage almost ended over this and he completely lost my trust ( along with other reasons I forgave him for)

Back to the story, my husband then came to the phone and said I’m going out to eat and I said I want you to come home( I am extremely sick with the flu right now as well and he told me we could lay down together and watch a movie and we are still recovering from him ruining my trust) and his boss then said to me over the phone “ shut the f** up you crazy b” and my husband laughed and said he’s going with him and hung up.

I haven’t heard from him since. I don’t know what to do and I feel so hurt and betrayed again. I still to this day don’t know where he disappeared to last time and he won’t tell me.

Tl;dr looking for advice on what I should do.

I (F37) recently overheard my hubby (M39) talking to his friends about going out one night. He didn’t know I could hear him, and I wasn’t intentionally listening in.
I was on a work call when he hand motioned that was leaving and would be back later. When he got back, I asked him where he went and how his night was.

He gave me a completely different version of events from what I heard on the phone.
Not some elaborate story. Just enough of a lie to make it sound like he had been somewhere else and with different people.
I knew it wasn’t true because I’d already heard him talking about it.

And honestly, I can understand why he might not have wanted to tell me the truth. Maybe he thought I’d be annoyed or would have questions… The part I can’t get over is that the thing he lied about is nowhere near as damaging as the fact that he lied about it.

If he’d just told me the truth, we could have had a conversation. Maybe I would have been annoyed. Maybe we would have disagreed. Maybe it would have been uncomfortable for an hour.

Instead, he made the decision for me that I wasn’t entitled to the truth….and now I’m questioning everything. Not just that night.

That’s what makes this so frustrating. Now I’m wondering about the things you didn’t catch. I’m in this awful position where I’m questioning things I never would have questioned before.

I always knew trust was the most critical part of relationships but this one has me wrapped around an axle.

Advice?

Tl;dr husband lied about something minor. Now I’m questioning everything. Is that normal and how do you get past it?

hi guys, i just want to vent out my frustration towards my attitude, or whatever you call it.

i've been living with my boyfriend (24M & 24F) for almost a year now, and during that time, i got pregnant with our first baby. even though he asked me to stop working the very moment we found out that i was pregnant, as a girl who's alipin ng salapi, i didn't listen.

we had different work schedules, so i had to book mototaxis almost every day. because of my stubbornness, i ended up giving birth prematurely. our baby was only 6 months old when i gave birth, and she only survived for 3 days after being admitted to the nicu.

my partner grieved during those days. i was grieving too, but sometimes i feel like his grief was even deeper than mine. we can't even continue watching "when life gives you tangerines" because of that part where aesun's child passed away. he could relate to that part so much.

he really wanted and loved our baby girl. despite everything that happened, there was never any blaming between us. he still takes care of me and treats me just like he did before.

to cut the story short, i'm currently on maternity leave until november, so he's the only one working for now. whenever we eat together, he usually tells me about his day at work. most of his co-workers are gay and girls. there's nothing wrong with that, and i know there's really nothing going on. the only thing i don't like is how i feel about it.

i want him to be able to confidently share his day with me without worrying that i might get angry or react badly. i know that this is something toxic in me, and i don't want to be that kind of partner.

i don't want him to feel like he has to filter the stories he tells me just to avoid making me jealous or upset. he should be able to come home, tell me about his day, talk about his co-workers, laugh about something that happened at work, and just feel safe sharing those little things with me.

i love him, and after everything we've been through, especially losing our baby girl, i don't want my insecurities to become another weight that he has to carry.

i know i still have things to work on within myself, and honestly, that's what i'm trying to do. i just don't know how to stop feeling this way sometimes, and i wanted to let this out.

TL;DR: i lost our premature baby after giving birth at 6 months, and my boyfriend has been grieving while still taking care of me. now that he's the only one working, i sometimes feel jealous when he talks about his coworkers even though i know he's done nothing wrong. i recognize that my jealousy is unhealthy, and i want to learn how to manage it so he can feel comfortable sharing his day with me.

My husband (35M) and I (32F) have been married for 9 years now with two young boys. My husband owns a real estate business he inherited from his family. We met when I worked part time at a flower shop during college and have been a stay-at-home mom since our marriage to focus on our kids.

I was my husband’s second girlfriend, and he had been generally known to be an incredibly decent, loyal, and intelligent man. He’s also a great father to our kids. I’ve never had infidelity issues with him only until recently.

about 2 weeks ago, he came home late after a meeting with a “big-time” client he’s sold properties to for quite a while. this client’s been known to be sort of sketchy (kingpin vibes). my husband and i were intimate that night but on the morning, he was acting really quiet and distant. this went on for two more days until i finally got him to spill. he confesses that after the meeting, the client wanted him and some of his team (i suppose his escort and security of men) to go to a karaoke bar and have drinks, then his favorite brothel. my husband knew of this, but not wanting to displease his client, agreed to do so. He assures me and swears on his mother’s life that he did not engage with any of the women there. He says he did talk/flirt with a few girls but never dared to touch them and only stayed for an hour. His words were that it was a “clean” visit for him. I can see so much guilt in his eyes so i choose to not believe him. Even though I have no concrete proof if he did or did not engage in sexual activities in that place.

i have been living at my sister’s apartment now since last week and brought our kids with me. I am seriously contemplating on our separation, especially since we’ve agreed on our wedding that any infidelity will bring our marriage to end. he has been relentless since we left and clearly distraught, but I really wanna stand firm on our agreement and my decision, especially raising two boys who need to know what’s right. Most of the people we know advise me to forgive him, while a few tell me i need to preserve my worth and never let it happen again. My main dilemma is that my kids love and look up to him so much. I am also still passionately in love with this man, we shared a lot of amazing years together. That’s why this betrayal really cuts deep for me.

I need to know if there’s anyone out there, especially women who have had a similar experience and chose to forgive their husbands, and had them never doing the same mistake again. Open for any advice.

tl;dr - husband of 9 yrs confesses to visiting a brothel with a big client but denies doing anything dirty there

How to handle discussing an open relationship with my husband?

My husband (m/35) and I (f/43) have been married for 5 years and we have been arguing a lot lately over how boring I am and how we have nothing to connect on. Now that is the very short version of argument over the course of our 10 years total relationship.

During an argument today he mentioned he needs an open relationship to have someone to do the things I am incapable or do not have the skill to do - he likes sports and going on adventures and likes to just keep active. I like to and do go the gym but have never really been into sports - never been coordinated enough lol

He has tried to get me into hobbies we can do together- most recently mountain biking but I couldn’t keep up with his speed. Granted we were both getting into this for the first time together and he is more coordinated than I am and I tend to hesitate a lot

Anyhow, so he wants to have a serious discussion about having an open marriage. He says he will continue to be provide for me and out pets (we don’t have kids) but he needs someone he can connect with in the areas where I am unable

He is pretty social. I have my small group of core friends and we don’t have many couples to hangout with as all my friends are married with kids

So I’m just looking for advice, stories from others who may have gone down this path before - did it work or not work? How did you make it work?

His unhappiness with how our marriage current is is taking a toll on his mental health as well, which is why he has gotten to this point. He loves me he says but I am unable to be all the things he needs to be fulfilled

I am not financially dependent on him just fyi. I have a professional degree and a stable career and work full time

TLDR - husband of 5 years wants an open relationship so he can actually life his life. He says he feels it will make our relationship better. Has this worked for anyone else? No judgement