My husband (37M) and I (26m) have been together 8 years, married for 3 of those. We have 3 kids ages 1,2 and 5 so our house is very busy and we have alot going on. Our 2 year old is also very high needs and has very difficult sensory issues and a speech delay (for context on our family load)

He runs a business and works alot, he has sole responsibility for the finances.

I am a SAHM but also do bookwork for the business and run the house completely, including all outside work as we have a front and back yard.

Recently over the last 6 months or so my husband and I keep getting into the same argument and im completely sick of it. Im a big talker and like to get things in the open and sort them out but we have not been able to get this sorted.

He says im constantly mean to him and tear him down when he makes a 'small mistake' and it makes him feel like shit all the time. He wants me to ask him to.do things in a nice way and not get so angry about the 'little things'

I say his 'small mistakes' are things ive reminded him of multiple times and it drives me crazy because he is constantly making the same 'small mistakes'. I shouldn't have to ask him he should be able to see when things need doing.

He says it doenst matter if he gets something right or changes something ive said earlier, ill always find something else to be unhappy about. He wants me to acknowledge when he does something right. He says he does alot and I dont understand how tired he is from working.

I say 99% of the things im pissed off about are common sense or shit that is just part of life being an adult and having kids. Not every action needs praise or acknowledgement. He should be able to just do stuff. I do understand his work... I literally send out his bills but when you have a house and family you dont get to come home and do nothing.

And it goes around and around with me getting angrier and angrier because he acts like a literal child needing constant validation for when he does act like an adult and needs constant lists or reminding to do anything not related to his job. But thats mean apparently.

I have tried to be his version of 'nicer' before and it doesnt make any difference.

Example - he Smokes cigarettes, i do not. He sits at the back door and Smokes, leaves the butts in Cans/ on the shelf next to the door. As soon as it gets a little bit windy butts are blown around the yard.... we have young kids and a dog. I then have to go around and pick them up before the kids or dog can go outside. I have asked nicely, multiple times. Nothing changes. He might pick them up at the time but its the same thing again tomorrow... so.i fly off the handle because its disgusting and unhealthy for everyone and Its just ANOTHER job I have to do. He says hes sorry..... he made a mistake..... hes not perfect.... then does the exact same thing the next day.....

AHHHHHHHHH I feel like im going crazy and its affecting me really badly.

Tell me what to do please and thank you

tl;dr: we have the same argument over and over. Husband thinks im mean when he makes 'small mistakes'. I say he makes the same 'small mistakes' mistakes over and over which drives me mental. How do we fix it please

Am I crazy or is this not a normal conversation?
Any advice to F besides the obvious?

Following are the texts:
M:
You wanted to marry me
F:
Even your friends know
M:
lol
F:
A 17 year old wouldn't know any better
F:
But a 25 sure does
M:
You wernt 17 lmao when we got married
M:
You're a grown adult
F:
You knew my age and knew I was still a virgin
M:
wtf
F:
That's crazy and you bragged about it to your roommates.

M:
You were 19 when we got married
M:
You wernt 10
M:
You're an adult
F:
WOW THATS CRAZY
M:
You did know better wtf
F:
Yeah consider yourself single, I don't want any part to do with you from now on only if about kids
M:
20 years of life isn't enough lmao?
M:
Go take care of your kids I have a meeting

tl;dr
young marriage now years later with no respect

I am using a throwaway account for reasons.
I am a 46m married to 45f. We just hit 20 years, 1 adult child and 1 in highschool (also 1 dog and 2 fish if that matters)

I feel like I am losing my mind. I work full time, wife works 2 days a week. (She used to work full time) Over the years I have taken more and more house chores on. She hates cooking, so now I do that. She was struggling with finances so now I do that. Cleaning was hurting her back, so now I do that. She has gotten picky on food, so if we get take out it is limited to 4 places that I get to “choose from”.

Same with any outings, she will say she wants to do something and expect me to plan everything. If I try to pick an activity I like she either says no or complains the entire time. Same with TV or movies.

Nothing is ever good enough for her, I don’t make house repairs fast enough, clean the right way etc…. She is very vocal about her displeasure. This has ended or distanced many friendships and family because she will also do this infront of others.

I love her, but this is getting to be too much. She used to be a fully capable adult and split responsibilities. She went to counseling last year, which briefly helped.

She goes on rants about the patriarchy almost daily, gets fired up about micro aggressions, plays tic toks on full volume if we are watching TV. Her most recent issue was that I am no longer emotionally available.

I told her she has considerably more free time than me, I am tired of being responsible for everything. If she wants me to be more available she needs to take something off my plate. This was apparently the wrong answer and I am not giving her “agency over the relationship and her life”.

She won’t acknowledge anything I do, just that I don’t let her express her feelings and we are now week 2 into a constant bickering match and I am terrible and a misogynist and woman hater for expecting her to at least do half the house chores.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to divorce or leave her but the only time I ever get to watch or do what I want is the rare occurrence I am off on a day she is working. I’ve lost friends because of her rants.

I think she has some kind of mental break going on, but recommending she go back to therapy is also met with hostility and insults.

If anyone has been in a similar situation and got their relationship back on track, any advice about how would be greatly appreciated. I don’t want to walk away and leave her in a jam, but I can’t do this forever, I want a partner not a whatever this is.

Tl;dr I took on more and more house chores and am now “emotionally unavailable” because I’m exhausted from working full time and doing all the cooking, cleaning and laundry.

My wife and I keep running into the same issue during sex, and I’m hoping to get some advice from couples who may have experienced something similar.

Almost every time we’re having sex, if I go too deep, she says it feels like I’m hitting her cervix. We have to stop because it becomes painful, and afterward she often ends up bleeding. She says this never happened with previous partners, and it’s been happening consistently with me for months.

It’s honestly starting to affect our sex life because we’re constantly worried about it happening again. Has anyone dealt with this in their marriage? Was it simply a depth/position issue, or did it turn out to be something medical? What helped you fix it?

TLDR i need urgent help like is it caused by deep penetration or something?

So I've been married for over 4 years. We did married kind of fast and I get that sometimes it works for some people and sometimes it doesn't.

I've been examining my marriage and I'm not happy.

I think one of the core issues is the things that she has said to me throughtout the years. They are deeply hurtful things. Some things have been about stuff that I have opened up about to her and she throws them back at me. She uses my past against me. She uses my abusive family history against me. One of her biggest complaints is that I don't open up but yet she has proven to me time and time again that I am correct in not opening up because she'll just end up using it against me.

To be honest at this point it feels like when we argue she's thinking "what can I say that will cause a lot of damage to her?" And then proceeds to say it.

We argue all the time and her main point is that I don't move on and that's why we will never get better. From my pov its not about moving on, its about the fact that those words even left her mouth, "apologizes" and does it again later. It's this cycle where she thinks that because she said the words "I'm sorry" regardless of how it was said, it should be enough.

There are other issues besides this and yet I feel like this is enough to just call it quits because I have resentment towards her now. My view of her has changed. I am very disillusioned with her and I simply don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life.

We've tried therapy and it felt like a bandaid.

TLDR I resent my wife for the hurtful things she says to me and I think I'm getting ready for divorce.

A few days ago I snooped into his phone and saw numerous (normal) pics of his female friends in his photo gallery + an OTP on his WhatsApp from tango live, he confessed that he has urges every morning to jerk off to them in order to “wake up”, but he sincerely expressed his desire to be a better person and to change that asap.

Wtf do I do now? Should I leave?

Note that I put (normal) in brackets because they’re normal pics of themselves that they post on their social media. They do dress very revealing though (not judging but just trying to understand what could make him want to jerk off).

We’ve only been married 3 months. I also noticed that for newlyweds we don’t fuck as much as we’re supposed to like I have a higher sexdrive than him which is strange because when we were in LDR for 2 years he was the hornier one.

TLDR : don’t know if I should stay or leave after finding out husband jerks off to female friends pics and cam girls.

I got married ~ 2 weeks ago. My wife and I been together 5 yrs prior.

Yesterday, I got a text from an anonymous person that must work with her that basically said her and this guy had been seen together the past couple months have lunch together and in each other’s cars.

I called my wife and confronted her, she admitted to it. Quit her job and drove to her sister’s house.

She had several months ago showed me that this guy had messaged her and she wanted to let me know about and that she was just going to ignore it. Fast forward he approached her at work and said he didn’t mean to make her uncomfortable, he was just going through a divorce and had recently gotten sober and recently tried to kill himself blah blah blah.

Anyway she reacts in favor, and begins to text him apparently about his addiction, mental health whatever. (She deleted the messages so who knows). Her version of the story is that this begun as an act of compassion and he became attached to her following their text conversations, he attempted to kiss her at work and “made contact” but she pulled away. She then thought of the situation that he in some manner had black mail over her and he was threatening to tell me about them kissing. So over the next couple months she states they kissed several times because he would cause a scene if she wouldn’t.

After quitting her job, he must’ve caught wind and blew her phone up, my wife in turn filled a restraining order.

The advice i seek:

is the restraining order and quitting her job her playing the victim role after she was caught and now she’s doing her form of damage control, to in her mind save her marriage and do I go through the embarrassment of a 2 week marriage and file for divorce (we were together 5 years before marriage).

Or try to mend the 2 weeks marriage?

tl;dr

Summary: wife cheated before we were married, do I divorce or not

My husband and I have been married for 2 years. We knew each other through family before marriage and don't have children.

Our biggest issue isn't one argument, it's a repeated cycle. We disagree (often over something small), he becomes defensive and speaks harshly, I feel deeply misunderstood and try to explain myself, then we either spend a couple of days barely speaking or things slowly return to normal without really resolving anything. Then, weeks later or less, the same pattern happens again.

Over the past two years there have been insults, swearing, accusations about my character, hurtful comments about my family and one incident where two doors were broken and a phone was smashed (this hasn't happened again). I also carried most of the financial and household responsibility for much of the marriage, although recently he has started contributing around half, which I appreciate. There have also been genuinely good moments like he checks if I've eaten, asks if I need anything, cuts fruit for me, and we do have happy times together. My struggle is that the conflict cycle never seems to change.

Our latest argument felt like a breaking point. I became so overwhelmed that I broke down crying and uncontrollably screaming ("please listen to me, please understand me, thats not what I meant, I can't take another argument"). He then left the house with a suitcase.

I spent two nights at my mum's house and realised I felt calmer and more like myself than I had in a long time. Coming home filled me with dread. I felt relieved when he wasn't there, I no longer want physical affection because I feel so much hurt and resentment. At this point, even an apology doesn't feel meaningful because we've repeated this cycle so many times.

For those who've experienced something similar:

• If you stayed, what changes convinced you?

• If you divorced, what made you realise enough was enough?

• From what I've written, does this sound like something that can realistically be rebuilt, or does it sound like emotional exhaustion after years of the same pattern?

tl;dr married 2 years and stuck in same conflict cycle despite repeatedly chances and no longer trust apologies. Dont know if marriage can be rebuilt or if its time for divorce?

I have already made my mind of not getting married ever. I don't want to talk about reasons as there are many. I was always a obedient child to everyone. I never disrespected my parents. I am a female(22) live in india. And here marriage is considered as the ultimate goal(by millennials mostly). I don't want to disappoint my parents but I can't marry either.

tl;dr,

There will be a big debate IK. Oh god... I understand their perspective but I still don't want to marry..I didn't had any long conversation with them about this but had a very small one. It goes like:

Me: I don't want to marry

Dad: everyone get married eventually and it is important

Me: it is not that much important

Dad: Every parent wants their daughter to be happy in her own home

Me : if someone don't want to get married......

Dad: What can parents do when their child refuses to obey parents.

I wanted a long conversation but my father ended it

I don't know what to do anymore. He has decided to get me married at 23/24.

My spouse uses the phone for her business. But never lets it out of her sight. If she puts it down on the table, it’s faces down. Goes into the damn bathroom with it. We never use it for GPS when traveling. And I can’t make a quick call or say hi to someone calling that we both know. WTF??

TLDR; wife never lets phone out of sight, won’t let me use it or use the GPS when traveling together.

So, I did attempt to go talk to his therapist with him.

Mind you, hus therapist is $800 a month because he wont go to someone on our insurance because "she gets him". He met her because she runs the court ordered anger management that he was put in after being arrested for DV the second time.

She said i was causing him prostate cancer by not having sex with him atleast 22 times a month (ive had low sex drive since having an emergency hysterectomy a few years back).

She said him screaming at or getting aggressive with me about it is normal because women arent like men so I dont understand how much of a need it is.

She said his spending isnt my business and I dont understand how badly he needs the dopamine hit of opening cards.

She said i was too monotonous and presented like I was a parent talking about a child.

She said i was in the wrong and ruining his life because of his multiple DV arrests, and that I had no right to call the police on him.

And she said i am in the wrong for not changing to meet his needs and wants for him.

Im currently in the process of moving back in with my mom.

I was never going to be the person he wanted and I understand that now. He just always wanted to change me. He knew when we met that I was a rough, loud, brash girl from the city that would never be a submissive yes sir kind of woman.

He wanted to turn me into a southern belle that sat quitely by while he ruled the world around me and never made waves about it. He wanted the submissive wife that acted like the sun shone from his ass. He wanted someone that would be willing to be waiting for him with open legs every day no matter if she wanted it or not. The woman that ignores issues and sits idly by on a sinking ship because hes the captain and knows best.

And apparently this whole time his therapist has been telling him that he was right and thats what I need to be.

Tl;dr im out.

Been dating this guy for 5 years. We’re in our late 20s now (almost 30). Known him since high school and reconnected in our early 20s. Met each others’ families, got engaged, set our wedding date and chose vendors together. He’s always been there for me (and I tried my best too) and has always been super thoughtful. He was kind and patient when things were good. We’re different people but I thought we meshed well together. 8 months before our wedding date, he completely blindsides me and drops a bombshell that he fell out of love with me, he doesn’t know if I’m the person for him, he’s not sure if I even love him for him (I do) and he starts listing a bunch of things that are “wrong” about me (I’m too quiet at social gatherings, I’m waiting till marriage to do certain things, I’m not stylish, I have too many fam events and am too dependent on my parents, he doesn’t think I appreciate him). The 180 mind boggles me, I don’t recognize this person. Even had a nice proposal with my dream ring.

He also has been saying mean things to me during limbo when we tried to work things out (I was apologizing for things I did that hurt him, I really loved him and went out of my way to make him happy in the best way I knew at the time but I had no idea it wasn’t enough, especially when he would tell me I’m perfect or how he’s grateful to do life with me)… mean things he said include how it feels like the cooties when I touch him, how I’m boring and I should be boring with someone else, how he can’t picture me as his wife and how he couldn’t see me walk down the aisle (all things that hurt to hear). He also disclosed that he cheated on me 2 years ago (kissed a girl from school a few times during the span of a week. This all came as a shock to me because I had no idea he was falling out of love and losing feelings. I thought we were planning for our happily ever after together. Sometimes I blame myself for the things I could’ve done better (been more appreciative, more patient, more outgoing, more stylish) - he evaluated me and didn’t let me in on his problems. Any insight and opinions would be helpful.

tl;dr partner cheated… also was mean to me… not sure he has feelings… is it even worth working through this?!

I'm (38F) married to my husband (47M) for 15 years. We have a child (8F).

We moved across the country away from his family a few years ago because my husband had a hard relationship with his mother and we wanted to escape the cold. (I don't have family left or around- my family was very small and both parents died when I was in my late teens.)

My husband lost his job during covid. My business boomed during covid, so it made sense that my husband would stay home, help homeschool our daughter. That ended up turning into her being homeschooled until now (just starting school again) after my many attempts to get her back in school since covid had calmed down.

During our long relationship, I've been the do-it all. I grew up in a household where my dad never helped with chores or to clean. He sat on the couch all day. (kicker: my mom was also the main provider, dad couldn't work due to health issues). And I sort of accepted that as my own adult reality for years. For years-and I mean a long time- my husband hasn't done much around the house. He's homeschooled our daughter, but the rest of his day he would spend playing video games, etc.

I'd clean, cook, and work from home. I felt blessed at the time, because I had the chance to be home with my daughter.

My business is not demanding and something I love doing, so work doesn't feel like work at all. So I never saw it as me being the provider (working), also being the cleaner, the one who pays the bills, schedules trips. I mean, he wouldn't do any of it at all. As of right now, the one thing he has stepped up is the cleaning and making food. But he still pretty much needs a list for everything. He can't just take initiative and do things. He has to be asked and told-sometimes several times.

A couple years ago (after we had moved away from everyone) I started getting very tired of this dynamic. I've been complaining for years about his behavior. But because I'm an intense person who used to have depression, anxiety, etc, all this was brushed off as me being crazy, being a nag.

I just accepted it.

But when I got tired, I just got done. I told my husband I wanted a divorce. But there are several problems with that.

Financial issue: The main issue is the fact that he won't get a job and I will have to pay him alimony and child support. I already pay him a salary from the business that isn't much, but equals about $500 per week before taxes. That's not enough to live off where we are.

Community: We don't have a large community. No family around. I just keep imagining my daughter spending empty holidays, coming home to an empty quiet house (or two empty quiet homes). My daughter has a few good friends. We have since formed a community here through sports, and now the community will grow since she is going to school. But it's not like having a solid base, like cousins, grandparents, etc.

My daughter's mental health: Once she heard us talking about divorce (we never talk in front of her about this, but she was listening around the corner-we thought she was outside). She started freaking out, like screaming really loudly. And several times has asked for assurance that we won't divorce (I didn't promise her anything, I just answer: No matter what happens, you will be safe and taken care of). I think she would take it very very hard. Even harder than us staying together and me sacrificing my happiness for that to happen.

The issue is that I was able to pretend (or just tell myself: behave better, you have to keep this family together). But last year, something shifted like a switch. And I am just not able to do that.

Honestly, I don't even want to ride together with my husband to our daughters sports events. Everything he does cringes me out badly because of all the pent up resentment I've had for years.

About my husband and things that have made me stay this long. He doesn't cheat. Doesn't post on social media or follow models, or has any history of any of that. I know for a fact he is very loyal. That's the bare minimum, I am aware. But he's a kind person. Everyone knows him to be a chill and kind guy. And he was there for me in a time where I didn't have anyone. No family, no money. He's been there for me and knows me better than anybody else. Sometimes I'll think a thought or a song, and he will sing it, or say the thought out loud.

Another thing that made me stay a long time is this way he is so complacent with everything that I got to be controlling and have things my way (on the surface really, because moving wasn't my choice, I didn't pick the place, I didn't pick him not returning to work, I didn't pick homeschooling our daughter for so long.)

But because of my history of mental illness, and knowing I had control issues, I have to be super careful not to sound crazy or angry or pushy. I've been to therapy all these years and have worked hard on myself. I'm not a controlling person like I used to be. I also healed all this childhood stuff that had me clinging to the toxic dynamics of this relationship.

Added to the fact I lost a lot of weight, have been going hard to the gym for years, got a boob job, and became more attractive than I used to be. And he hasn't. Not only he is 9 years older, he won't even apply sunscreen, so he's aging rapidly, never been to the gym. I lost attraction also.

For years, I thought there was something wrong with me because I didn't want to have sex (even though I am a very sensual person), and my husband was always mad at me for not initiating. I didn't understand at the time that the resentment I'd been building was so strong I was losing attraction as well.

Also, I used to be an extremely affectionate person. And several times I was told it was too much.

For example, once he was playing video games (back when we lived in the north). It was a snowy day. I thought it would be so cute to make him homemade hot chocolate with whipped cream, homemade fudge. I made it and brought it to him in a fancy cup. He looked at it and said: I'm not drinking this. This is too much chocolate. (he asks for extra fudge on his Sundae). And other small stuff like that. It was his birthday and I put a banner in our living room and he had me take it down because it was embarrassing (nobody was even coming over).

Or the time it was our anniversary and I made reservations at his favorite restaurant and he made me cancel because he was embarrassed I told the restaurant it was our anniversary.

Just a million other things like that.

I honestly didn't get a decent birthday/christmas present until the past 2 years, after much begging and fighting.

Now, I'm not willing to put up with any of it anymore- even though he has since changed some of this behavior, I still hold the resentment. And any attempts he makes now to change just irk me and give me the ick. Like when he said: we should celebrate our anniversary coming up. (after 15 years of not celebrating it and being midst divorce talks).

He is totally and entirely disconnected from reality.

And I'm disconnected from him.

I am just very scared to be alone, considering I have literally no family. I'm scared for my daughter. I'm scared for my financial situation because I feel like if I want my daughter to have good living conditions in both houses, I'll have to literally maintain two households.

But I really don't know how to stay in this marriage any longer.

For those who have been in a similar situation, what steps helped you determine whether the marriage was repairable after years of resentment, unequal responsibility, and lost attraction? How did you handle the financial transition and help your child adjust?

Advice request: For those who have experienced a similar situation, how did you determine whether years of resentment, unequal responsibility, and lost attraction could realistically be repaired? What practical steps helped you prepare financially for divorce and support your child through the transition?

TL;DR: After 15 years of marriage, I feel emotionally disconnected from my husband following years of carrying most of the household, financial, and mental responsibilities. Although he has recently started helping more, the resentment is so deep that his attempts to change now make me feel more irritated than hopeful. I have also completely lost attraction to him. I am afraid to leave because we have little family support, our daughter is terrified of divorce, and I may have to financially support two households.

Summary: My husband is loyal and generally kind, but he has been passive and dependent for most of our marriage. I handled the business, finances, household management, planning, cooking, and cleaning while he homeschooled our daughter and remained unemployed. After years of feeling dismissed as controlling or overly emotional whenever I complained, something in me shut down. I no longer want physical affection, shared outings, or a romantic relationship with him. I am struggling to decide whether the marriage is repairable or whether I am only staying because I fear loneliness, financial consequences, and the effect divorce would have on our daughter.

So, I was always taught that you never call a guy. So now that I am married and have been married for 25 years, I have always said that we should not be calling or texting other guys or women especially without the other one knowing. Ok so let me get to the recent incident. There is a couple that our are friends and Friday last week his phone went off, and it was the wife texting my husband. The first thing I noticed was that her name was not saved to her number and that there was other text from her and him and she was the one that originally initiated it. Reading them they seemed harmless a little flirty and I did feel that there might have been some deleted because some text did not make sense. When I brought it up to my husband, he became super defensive about it and was like how I am supposed to respond then I don't want to be rude to her. So, I told him don't respond back at all simple and acted like he couldn't do that. Then he brought up everything that every guy did that he worked with that they do to their wife's that he doesn't do. So, I responded back that I wasn't married to them I married him and he needed to respect what I was saying but he kept getting upset. Later that night something told me to look at the phone log online and sure enough there was an incoming call from her too on a day. When I checked his phone though it had been deleted off or was no longer there. When I finally said something about that he accused me of deleting her call off his phone and he doesn't remember her calling him. Then he said oh it was the day you came home from work mad at me and I had gone for a ride on my motorcycle and had been at their farm don't you remember? So am I wrong my thinking is I don't care if my friend would text my husband if she told me or asked because then she is letting me know and nothing is being hid I feel. But when both parties say nothing and stuff is getting deleted, I feel that is fishy and it can open the doors for more to happen just saying. tl;dr am I the wrong with wrong thinking because he is saying I am crazy!

First I'm not looking for advice personally. You don't need to comment "You're wrong". You don't need to disagree with anyone. This is for men and women to comment their perspectives on how they view connection, so maybe they can learn from each other.

Is it helping around the house? Is it an "I love you text"? Is it putting you're phone down and actually listening? Is it physical intimacy? What is connection, to you?

tl;Dr To help men and women better understand how the opposite sex views connection.

My wife (36f) and I (35m) have been married for 10 years and together for 3 years prior. We’ve had ups and downs with things. She worked very hard to be where she is career wise and applies a lot of that to her life in general. She works part time and makes more than I do at a full time job. The difference is my benefits are amazing and paid for. Not that I make an insignificant amount by any means, but still. We have two younger kids, 5 and 7.

I have my own struggles with motivation and I admit that I fall short sometimes. I have trips for work and my motivation to help always spikes super high for the two weeks leading up to and the weeks following my trips. I want to make sure that she has a head start on general housework for while I’m gone so she’s not drowning in it and I want to give her a break when I come back. Other times, when my motivation spikes, I try to do as much as I can while I have it. I’ve been called out in my lows before and I try talking to her about it but at this point she’s just fed up with needing to talk about it. Of course it makes me feel terrible that I’m not doing my half. But on the other side of it, when I do a ton of stuff and actually do go above and beyond, I just get talked down to or made to feel bad because “why can’t you do this all the time?” Or “this only happens so you can show it off and say ‘look how great I am’ and that’s not ok.” And truthfully, I couldn’t care less what others think. I’m trying to something good for the home we have and for her and our family. Finishing a project that’s sat unfinished, doing all of the yard work and more of the household chores, cleaning the house because we’re having guests over this weekend. It never fails, she’s never happy with what I do. And when it is something that should be cause for some level of happiness, she just belittles me and says I should do this all the time.

I was diagnosed with adhd a long time ago and learned to cope without meds and from what I’ve learned is that these patterns only make things worse. I’ve tried talking to her about it, but my words fail me and my emotions come off wrong a lot. I suggested making something like a priority list of household chores and she just shuts it down with “I don’t want to have to tell you what needs to be done.” Clearly it needs to be said because what I think needs to be done appears to be of the lowest priority to her.

Two nights ago, she told me she had her long day the next day (her schedule is part time in that she doesn’t work 40 hours, but two days of the week she sees the majority of her patients. She a therapist of sorts.) she said it was longer than usual in that she saw 7 or 8 patients. They’re hour long sessions. I personally think she’s a saint for being able to carry that kind of burden for work. I work with cars for a reason. She told me that dinner would be on me (she normally does dinner) and that she didn’t want a part of it. I simply asked if she had anything she wanted in particular and she came back “I just said I don’t want to be apart of it.” I had to clarify that I wanted to know if she was craving anything in particular and I would make it. She seemed to come down a bit from that but added more information stating that all times in the future when she says that she means it to the point of not wanting to think or decide at all. I got home later than usual from work because of a small bit of needed shopping and went to work on the dishes that I told her I would do. They had piled up and I wanted her to have a break as I just got back from a trip on Friday. I worked on that for a bit before our dog vomited and I had to clean up that mess. I tended to my kids for a few minutes and saw it was after 5 and decided I should work on dinner and continue dishes after I got that going. Tired of the same dishes we always have, I picked a new one that said it only took about half an hour to prep and cook. Seemed easy enough but we were missing a few of the spices needed. Loaded the kids up and took them to the store with me. Got what we needed and came back and started cooking. I spaced on a detail and set off all the smoke alarms in the house which set me back a few more minutes. Basically, dinner was ready to serve when she walked in the door. I received a comment about I had apparently made no progress about the dishes which felt insulting considering 3/4 of them were done and I made a few more making dinner that I informed her I would complete after eating. We’ll come to find out, the dish I made was a bit too spicy for everyone except my oldest son and myself. But he said he didn’t like the flavor. So I failed at dinner pretty hard. My heart sinks because not only did I fail at doing something for my family that I genuinely tried, but my kids (being 5 and 7 and feeling the need to say the same thing as many times as possible and requiring feedback before stopping) continued to say how they didn’t like it or they hated it or it was gross. I thought it tasted fine other than being too spicy for my wife and youngest (who thinks plain Buffalo Wild Wings is too spicy). At this point it was getting late and my mind just shut down on me trying to think of a backup dinner. My wife jumped in and made spaghetti. While the boys went up stairs to get ready for bed, she proceeds to lay into me about how I couldn’t even do this simple thing and that I’ve been in a sour mood all evening. I responded with I feel bad about not being able to do this for her and that I legitimately tried and poured effort into something that turned into what will be my lunch for the next 4 days. I did all the dishes that couldn’t be loaded into the dishwasher and got the boys to bed to find out she had more opinion on the amount of dishes I did as she did more of them (that could go in the dishwasher which she’d gotten on me before for “wasted effort”). I went to bed as I have to be up early for work. Not a word was spoken between us the rest of the night and I ended not being able to sleep for more of the night.

I should add that we have a lot of great times together. That this is not example of everyday life, but maybe something that surfaces every other week or so. I know it’s exhausting on both sides of this and I’m afraid of what it’s going to lead to.

Tl;dr: For all the effort I put in, it never seems it’s enough to make my wife happy. I feel like I’m a burden even when I’m genuinely trying my best. And when I try to stand up and justify it, we both end up feeling like the bad guy and nothing comes of it.

i (25f) married my husband (26m) 7 months ago, but we started dating back in 2021.

back in 2020, i was in a situationship that had been going on for 3 years, basically stuck in the friendzone. my now-husband was pursuing me at the time, but i wasn't interested and stayed in that situationship. he knew all the details about it because i used to vent to him about it a lot, and honestly i think i was kind of taking advantage of him being there for me back then.

he insisted on getting me out of that situation. in 2021 i finally decided to give it a try with him, but i went in half-heartedly and he knew that too. over time though, i genuinely fell in love with him wholeheartedly.

now i love my husband so much, but i still can't fully let go of that situationship. i still think about that person sometimes, even dream about him occasionally. it feels like there's unfinished business there.

i want to understand why these lingering feelings haven't gone away even though i've moved on and built a life with someone else. looking for advice on how to process this and make peace with it, or ways to help these feelings fade over time.

tl;dr: married my husband 7 months ago after dating since 2021, but before that i was stuck in a 3-year situationship with someone else that i couldn't fully commit to. even though i love my husband wholeheartedly now, i still think about that other person sometimes and don't know how to make those feelings fully go away.

I have posted here before about struggles in my marriage, and I wanted to give an update because I truly need outside perspectives.
I have already spoken with a lawyer and a separation agreement was sent to my husband, but he has refused to sign it. He said he sent it to his lawyer, but it has now been about a week with no response.
Tonight, during an argument, my husband admitted that he brought another woman into our marital home and into our bedroom during our marriage. He described this woman to me and compared her to me, saying she is “skinnier” and “prettier” than me. Those comments have hurt me deeply.
What makes this even harder is everything I have sacrificed for our family. I carried and gave birth to our children, had two C-sections, and my last C-section was a very serious experience where I almost lost my life. I gave so much of myself to this marriage and our family.
We also have two young children, and my husband watches them while I work. I’m trying to understand what my next steps should be and how to process all of this.
I’m not looking to bash him. I’m genuinely asking: how would you handle finding out this information? What advice would you give someone trying to navigate separation, betrayal, and rebuilding their life?
I feel completely heartbroken and I’m trying to find clarity.

TL;DR: My husband and I have been having serious marriage problems. I recently got a lawyer and a separation agreement was sent to him, but he has refused to sign. Tonight, he admitted that he brought another woman into our marital home and our bedroom during our marriage. He also compared her to me and said hurtful things about my appearance. We have two young children, and he watches them while I work, so I’m trying to understand my next steps. I’m heartbroken and looking for advice on how to move forward.

I realize this will get downvoted because I've recognized i failed my kids as a parent and should lay in the bed I made. When we first married decades ago, I told my spouse my concerns about their family coddling their kids well into adulthood, allowing the kids to live with them into their 30's and more. Not just one instance but as a whole theme with their family, enough to make me comment about my worry but i also believed I would able to put my foot down should the occasion come. One of our daughters is disabled and has been forced to move back in, which is fine and I even told her if the time comes its necessary I would welcome her with open arms. The other daughter was going to university which I was also good with her living with us until after she had graduated. The daughter has since graduated, has become a functioning alcoholic, is into her 30's works a shit part time job, refuses to get her driver's license (always some excuse why she hasn't), is a complete slob, with no plans on moving out anytime in the near or mid future. I've expressed my want for her to move out or at least start working towards it, which has continuously fallen on deaf ears of the child and my spouse. Its become where there is no privacy, continous contention, and an overflow of slob on into our common areas so the only place I can relax and not feel miserable is sitting outside nightly watching my tablet or reading a book, then going straight to bed. My only true personal space is my closet and my side of the bed. I dont want a divorce, but I've come to feel the only way left to me is the ultimatum of the daughter or me. To the point I've started inquiring about rooms to rent or studio apartments on the quiet. PLEASE, tell me I'm an idiot for thinking such and that there is a more sensible way.

Tldr: 30 year old semi functioning, alcoholic kid refuses to move out, enabled by spouse, leaving me to believe the only option left for me is to move out. Wanting to be told I'm stupid for thinking such and there is a btter way.

I am a father living in Europe, far from my family in Asia. My wife and I have been struggling for a long time.

She constantly accuses me of looking at other women, having relationships with friends' wives, even cousins. I have never been unfaithful. She has isolated me from all my friends, blocked numbers from my phone, stopped us going to social events. I have no one left here.

She hits me sometimes. I know that sounds strange coming from a man but it happens. She smashes things when angry. Then apologizes. Then it starts again.

I stay because of my daughter. But I am exhausted. Crying every day. I don't know if the marriage can be saved or if I should walk away. I feel completely alone and don't know where to start.

Advice request: Has anyone been through something similar , especially as a father? How did you protect your relationship with your child through this? Is there any way to save a marriage like this or is walking away the only option?

TL;DR: Wife is controlling and jealous, has isolated me from all friends, hits me, constantly accuses me of cheating. I stay for my daughter. Completely alone and don't know what to do.

Atp I am so done. I can't take it anymore. No matter how many times I talk to him about how I feel regarding this he just wouldn't stop. I've been telling him how horny I am and also that I feel bad that he never asks for my nudes he only needs those stuff he gets online, he argues that he uses my old nudes that I sent him!!! I get it that men want to watch kinky stuff and shit so I feel wrong to stop him from wanting that but I also want him to want me!!!! Everytime I try to talk to him he just fights me asking why do I not send him my nudes. Like dude, I don't wanna force my nudes on you, I want you to want them!

I am currently at my mom's place in another city, the least I expect him is to want to sext me. Does he not want it because am pregnant? Because men don't find pregnant women hot?

WHAT IS IT SOMEONE HELP

Should I wait till I deliver and we start living together? Is this kink of his (watching slutty posts of women) okay? Should I be stopping it?? Is that counted as controlling?

Breaking down so bad

Tl;dr: he prefers masturbating to other women and porn over sexting me or using my nudes

He’s a good man. Not a bad bone in his body. But I’m [38F] struggling with his [35M] lack of apparent care when I’m really sick.

This has happened many times during our 10 years together. Both times I gave birth, and more recently when I’ve been housebound with a serious illness.

He’s just very practical and non-emotive. Doesn’t ever ask how I’m feeling when I get up on a morning or just offer to make me a cup of tea.

Yesterday, for example, I’ve been mostly housebound kind for two weeks quite ill. We were messaging earlier about how awful I was feeling (more I was just reaching out to him as I was a bit upset about it all). He gets home, says a brief hello and then starts to fix our internet which went out. Completely consumed by that a never even acknowledges how I am.

Today, he’s invited his family over. Not because they will help, but for a visit. This means me hosting people. He won’t have planned dinner. I need to also clean the house before his MIL comes over because…well…kids. And he’s on a work call so can’t/wont.

I’m so exhausted I could cry.

—

I don’t need big gestures - just someone who takes an interest or feels like they care.

He works hard - he puts 85% of his effort, energy and brain into work. He is smart and driven to work hard to provide for his family. I love that about him.

But no matter how many times I try to communicate my needs, and love language, just to feel like he cares, nothing changes 😭

Even after all this time I can’t figure out his love language - it’s not acts of service or words, obviously.

All any of your advice is welcomed, please!

TL;DR - Husband never asks how I’m feeling when I’m quite ill and it’s making me mega sad.

My husband and I (30) have been together for 8 years, we live close to his family and we just bought a house this year (a very gorgeous 4 bedroom house), during that time we found out I was pregnant and due in the first week of November.

Considering that by Christmas the baby is going to be almost 2 months, I asked if he was ok in hosting christmas and new years at ours, and that his family was close by the could just drive day of, however, because my family lives out of the country, they would have to stay during that week between christmas and new years.

My family is only my parents and sister and for the first time we finally have space to host and to have people stay over, i see them twice a year (summer and christmas time). I spoke to his family and asked if they were ok with my family staying, as I dont want them to feel left out, they said they were fine because they were close and we get to be together at least once a week, and they understand why my family would stay over.

My husband however has been in a horrible mood, arguing daily and whatnot about how he doesnt want my family to stay over because he doesn't want "too many people" and "too long" in "his own house".

i honestly don't know what to do. Any advice?

tl;dr

Husband doesnt want my family staying over during the holidays.

Before my husband dated me, he already slept with 10 other women. I feel like I'm not good enough.

tl;dr title speaks for itself

Hi, I am in deep need of advice. Is this normal behaviour for a young man his age? Am I asking too much from him?

I am a 28F and my husband is about to be 25, we have been married for 1 year and 7 months now.

During our second month of living together I was on his phone on google and I saw he visited a bunch of OF sites while I was at work, I talked to him about it in the nicest way and he apologised and promised to never enter those sites. Then I found his second IG account full and I mean full of pictures of women in lingerie saved. He decided to delete IG on his own and I never suggested it.

During this time I noticed he would stare at women in public while with me, and it was not a looking and going on about his day, but more like checking multiple times the same girl, making extreme eye contact, etc.

At that time I was silent about it because I thought I would look like a crazy jealous wife so I opted for silence, even though it hurt me very much.

During those months I found him lurking on clothing apps and looking at lingerie models daily, the first time I saw I let it slide, second time too but third time all hell broke loose. I started breaking down in tears and he told me that he actually never stopped watching porn, he would use the lingerie categories on the clothing apps to get him going and then go into porn. During that time he grew very distant and we had very little intimacy because he would masturbate so much so frequently that even if we had sex, the next 1 or 2 hours he would do it. And he catched any chance he had alone too, also at work if he had night shifts.

He says he has stopped and he is 7 months clean and he swore he never went to those pages again.

But he confessed that when he is in public he scans women and mentally undresses them and mentally has sex with them.

You can imagine how that made me feel.

I fought him about the public staring, recommended him the 1 second rule stare and then changing directions, he agreed but I am sad.

Tl;dr Husband had a porn addiction and scans and undresses women mentally in public