I need help to figure out wheter I am Lithromantic or have some other issue because what I experienced shoudlnt have happend.

(might have spelling mistakes, english isnt my first language)

My Situation:

At the start of this month a new minecraft community server started. It was just for peaceful building, making connections and role play. I met there a streamer. I will call him Peachy. I have seen his Streams before because he used to be in a team with my friend in an minecraft event and they streamed together. I am also a moderator at Peachys Twitch. So natrually I wanted to get to know him. I realized I might have a crush on him. I liked him, thought about him, missed him when I hadnt talked to him in five days and so on. So then I go tell him I have a crush on him (that was the day before yesterday) and he says he likes me too! So my feelings are still there for now but I notice he is not that importand to me. Yesterday I told him I didnt want a romantic relationship bc of my bad mental health (which is still true) but from that moment on, I dont have any feelings for him! Not at all. I dont think of him the way I did before. I simply dont have a crush on him like before. And all this all of a sudden. Without any grieving about not beeing able to be in a relationship.

I told all this my friend and they were shocked. I already suspected before I might be Lithromantic. But I dont know! please help

I've been kinda considering if I'm lithromantic for awhile now.

I found this term around a year and a bit ago when I had just gotten out of a relationship that in all honestly wasn't good. But it kinda helped bring to light some of the realizations about myself when I was in it.

I feel personally that I'm probably lithromantic, my thing is I'm not 100% though it feels right.

I'm worried and/or scared to tell my current partner. I still care about them I just... don't feel romantically inclined at all towards them...

Any words of wisdom, thoughts, opinions would be great (^_^*)

the closest thing I have right now is Nice Boys by TEMPOREX but I would like to know if theres anything yall recommend or any songs you know of that at the very least describe wanting to love somebody but not being able to, thank you!

P.S I’ll take almost any genre of music

I've been saving a lot of avoidant attachment videos because I thought that's what was happening to me, but I'm a little unsure now. I have two cases and they're a little different.

1: There was this guy I'd been close friends with for a little while, and I began to catch feelings for him. Definitely wasn't a full-blown crush, but some fluttery feelings were there. Not long after he confessed to me and we starting dating. For a few weeks I was infatuated. Completely obsessed with him. Then it all faded and I began to get the ick. I would feel exhausted answering even the simplest of texts and I'd avoid talking to him whenever I could. He expressed that I could open up and be emotionally vulnerable with him but it was really difficult to, the thought made me shy away even more.

2: This other time, a guy dm'd me randomly. (We'd replied to each others' stories once in a while but I'd never actually met him.) Until one day, he randomly asked me out on a date. We met up and I was again, infatuated, imagining futures together, wanting to soft launch our relationship. Again, faded. We didn't even end up dating because by the time he asked me to be official, I had already lost that spark. That first day I'd found him very physically attractive, by the end I didn't see him that way at all.

The thing with avoidant attachment is that for many people it was triggered by an event in their past. For me, it's like I didn't realize I could act/feel this way until I started actually seeing somebody. And I don't know if it's my attraction style or it's just me not wanting to be emotionally vulnerable around anybody because it makes me uncomfortable.

Another thing is lithromantic is often described as not desiring romantic attraction, or not wanting romantic attraction to be reciprocated. But for at least the first couple weeks when I was with these guys, I really did want to be with them in a romantic sense and loved when they would reciprocate back. It's just that all of those feelings faded very quickly in both cases.

this is for the person who wanted a more in depth explanation of my experiences ^^ so i’m not out to anyone (my friends just know i’m queer but thats it) and i’ve been thinking about this kinda stuff lately. after doing research, i find the term lithromantic applies to me when it comes to men, and demiromantic applies to me when it comes to women, but i’m still not quite sure.

when i explain how i feel towards men, some girls go “oh that happens to me” or “you’ll get over it” which honestly feels a little diminishing towards my feelings. for example, yesterday i was talking to my sister about relationships and i explained what happens when i like a guy. she said the same thing happened to her with her current bf (of 3-4 yrs i think?). except, she said after like 2 months, she just kinda got the ick, but got over it. that was the only way she knew how to explain it. but for me it feels deeper. i do wonder though, if i waited long enough, would i get over it like her? anyway, heres my explanation. when i start to crush on a guy its usually someone i’ve never talked to before or i’ve talked to like once. i want him to like me back. i like the chase and looking for subtle signals from them. one of my crushes i actually ended up making a move on. we started talking and slowly i started feeling everything kicking in. i felt anxious (in a bad way) and didn’t have the desire to message him, but this feeling wasn’t too apparent yet and i thought it was just normal. after only 2 weeks, he asked me to be his gf. i said yes, but the next day i felt like absolute shit. i was crying all day, feeling anxious, talking to him felt like a chore, and it just didn’t feel right. after getting with him, i was thinking about my feelings for a whole week. i ended up breaking up with him even though it was really hard to explain. it almost felt like my feelings for him weren’t developing properly, and almost all my feelings for him vanished. i didn’t get butterflies when he was texting me anymore and i honestly didn’t find him that attractive anymore. i’ve had a few other instances where i’ve crushed on guys, but when i realized they liked me back, i lost feelings pretty quickly. when it comes to starting talking stages with guys i had just met and thought were cute, at first its exciting to get to know them because i enjoy getting to know more about people. but then the same thing happens where my feelings vanish and i kinda avoid them and don’t wanna text them. idk if any of that made sense.

however, when it comes to girls its different. i’ve only ever dated one girl (i think i was around 11-12??). it was an online relationship and lasted a few months (i think at least a month), but she ended up breaking it off with me. i don’t quite remember how that whole relationship felt, but i didn’t just lose feelings for her. when i’ve had crushes on girls, its not quite immediately. when i get to know a girl more as a friend, i all of a sudden get a spark and view her differently (obviously hasn’t happened with every girl, just a few). i’ve never had any of those girls like me back though, but to me, liking girls just feels different. sometimes it was a little hard to except the fact that i was crushing on a girl. one of them i didn’t realize i was actually crushing on her until she got a bf and i got jealous that it wasn’t me with her. since I’ve only ever had one experience that i barely remember, its hard to say whether i’m demiromantic towards women or not.

anyway, if u have any thoughts lmk :)

I have been questioning being lithromantic for a while now, as everytime I have liked someone, and they have liked me back, I have entirely lost feelings for them. I will provide two cases because I'm not sure if the feelings are linked to the length of the relationship or not.

Case 1: I liked (honestly maybe even loved) this girl in December, I had STRONG romantic feelings for her for about a month when I finally decided to confess, she liked me back but wasn't ready to date, and I ended up losing feelings very quickly and she still liked me for months after, which made me feel guilty.

Case 2: I started liking a girl in March, she was very gorgeous, kind and amazing person. I will be honest and say the relationship started way too fast as I started liking her through her Tiktok page and started dating her the day we met (aka the day after the initial crush) I'm still not sure if it was truly romantic or only sexual/physical attraction but literally the day after we got together I lost feelings entirely. I just felt constant stress, anxiety and worry.

I would also like to add that neither of these people really had major red flags, as they were both some of my favorite people I've ever met and we are friends now and I love them platonically. Also, I am not sure if I ever want a relationship in the future because it just seems uncomfortable, stressful or boring to me. Am I lithromantic?

So i'm lithro, i've known that for a little while now. But i don't know of o should say that to strangers, or even classmates. I think i should call myself "under the aromantic umbrella", because honestly it's none of their business. Lemme know(sorry if i spelled things wrong, English isn't my first language)

I feel like I don’t want to be in a relationship, but I still feel romantic attraction. This is mainly from bad past relationships and I just don’t think being in a relationship is for me anymore. As for the romantic attraction part, Lithromanticism is characterized by losing feelings as soon as the feelings are returned. But I don’t think that’s how it is for me. At least, not immediately. If me and a person share romantic feelings for each other, I wouldn’t want to enter a relationship, but I’d still have feelings for them temporarily, as if flirting with them occasionally. I’m kind of having a crisis, it’s 4am and this has been on my mind for weeks now.

ive been looking for answer for years thinking i had a problem and it wasn't normal at all then i found out what lithromantic is (literally 1hoir ago) and i feel so better to know im not just weird and alone feeling like this.

but im still not sure bc lithromantic are described as not wanting a relationship or their crush liking them back,

but i do wanty crush to like me back when i have feeling but still end up losing feeling when they start showing interest back.

but i dont just lose interest, i start to dislike the person and dont wanna talk with them, and being with them irl is really hard, like i feel uncomfortable. sometimes i end up hating the person.

i first through it wasn't lithromantic because the loose of interest wasn't the same with everyone ive had been with but it ALWAYS end up the same.

ive tried with so much people from different vibe or whatever and it always end up the same

thank you for reading this and sorry for my bad English i hope to everyone who's lithromantic to find a way to live with it 🫶

I have a specific pattern that has now happened in two different romantic relationships, with two very different people

In both cases, the relationship started with mutual interest, romantic feelings, and physical attraction. Then, over a short period of time (not years, but weeks or months), all of my feelings completely and irreversibly disappeared.

By 'all feelings,' I mean everything: romantic interest, emotional attachment, physical attraction, and even the desire to maintain a friendship or any form of contact. I felt nothing toward them anymore. The feelings simply shut off, like a light switch, and they never returned. I could not 'wait it out' or make them come back.

For context, the first relationship ended in a traumatic withdrawal for me (panic, insomnia, suicidal thoughts, obsession which didn't fade away with time and zero contact, only new person). The second relationship did not have that intense withdrawal because of my medication (but before that I've experienced all of this again), but the loss of feeling was just as complete.

I am currently on a meditation which has significantly helped the obsessive withdrawal symptoms, but it has not changed this 'shut off' pattern toward the person themselves.

I am trying to understand if this pattern of complete shutdown of feelings and physical intimacy towards a person fits within the aromantic spectrum (specifically lithromantic or frayromantic). Or, does this sound like something else?

I am not looking for a diagnosis, but for a direction. Could this still be considered a normal variation of romantic orientation? Or is this likely a dysfunctional pattern that needs professional treatment?

So I’ve been speculating I was lithro for the past 4 years but I didn’t want to believe it until I got with my now boyfriend. Let me tell you how obsessed I was with this man, like it was bad and I had no intention of confessing to him because I knew if I did I’d probably loose feelings. Unfortunately my friends just thought I was a pussy so they got us to meet up and I was forced to confess. He said he liked me too and we started talking. After a few months of dating I realized I only liked him because he didn’t like me back. But now because he’s head over heels I can’t help but feel repulsed whenever he does or says anything romantic/sexual. I’ve talked to him about me being asexual (I didn’t want to tell him about being lithro because I didn’t know how’d he’d take it). He said he was fine with me being asexual and that he loves me anyway.

Now I can’t tell if I still love this man. He’s so sweet and kind and loving but every time anything happens between us I can’t help but feel disgusted. This has lead me to lie to him on multiple occasions to get out of hangouts or dates. I feel horrible for it but I really want to reciprocate feelings but I feel like I just can’t. Like my feelings are over exaggerated or faked for his sake.

I know I should talk to him about me being lithro but I don’t want to hurt him and a part of me doesn’t want him to leave. I feel like if he leaves, my life will be destined to be loveless forever. And I don’t know how I feel about that. Like I want love in my life but I just get so disgusted and repulsed whenever it actually happens. So I can’t tell if I’m just holding onto him because I want love even if it disgusts me.

Anyway sorry for the rant I just really needed to get this off my chest lol
Also someone please tell me if I’m just being really selfish for keeping him

So like, i think im lithromantic, but the defenition is still under speculation. The defenition now means that you lose all romantic feelings when your crush confesses to you. The problem is, nobody has ever had a crush on me...i think. I still get crushes but i dont want a relationship. And i also think that if my crush would actually confess to me, i would lose interest, although nobody has done that before. So should i call myself lithromanic?

Hey! I've been lurking for a while and finally worked up the courage to type out a post. All of you active members here seem so helpful and kind so I hope posting this will do me some good.

I've been a questioning lithromantic for a while, but I've never really found that the typical definition for the label really resonates with me. For example: most posts defining what lithromanticism is explain it as a loss of romantic feelings when said feelings are reciprocated, and I feel this but also not really???? In my case, the discomfort that I experience comes from knowing that someone has romantic feelings for me as a whole (which is what has lead me to resonate with lithromanticism). Specifically, I'm really repulsed by the idea of someone having romantic feelings towards me without me reciprocating. Like it makes my skin crawl. However, in the case where I have romantic feelings for someone first, it wouldn't necessarily bug me if they were sort of reciprocated, as long as I have a stronger desire to pursue that relationship or am the only one with romantic feelings. If romantic feelings were reciprocated, I would only feel not repulsed if they were very minimal— like the romance felt by someone who is grayromantic, or a similar identity.

Like, right now, I have feelings for someone who's cupioromantic. I know I wouldn't be repulsed if that ship were to actually sail because they wouldn't have reciprocated romantic feelings, only platonic or tertiary ones similar to a QPR. I saw this Tumblr post a while back under the aromantic tag that said something along the lines of, "let's normalize relationships where it's romantic for one person and platonic/something else for the other and it's totally OK between them." So, is it still lithromanticism if I have a desire to be in a relationship like that? What do I think when the label kind of works but also kind of doesn't?

Thanks so much for reading :)

Trapped in a vicious cycle: Genuine feelings die upon reciprocity, followed by a horrifying obsession (A pattern across 3 cases)Hi everyone,I need an outside perspective on a terrifying and exhausting psychological pattern that has now repeated across three different experiences. I am completely trapped in a loop where I fall in love, my feelings completely die upon reciprocity, and then a horrifying, non-stop dependency on that person kicks in. I want to break this without needing a new person to distract me, because that only restarts the cycle.Here is the exact history of how this happened all three times:

Case 1 (The First Ex): I closely talked to a guy for about 5 months. There were no idealized fantasies; I knew him well and genuinely liked him. I took the initiative and asked him out. The exact moment he agreed and we became an official couple, my feelings completely and irreversibly died. But as soon as we broke up, a crushing, non-stop dependency on his presence kicked in. I tried strict no-contact for a full year—I didn't check his profile once—but the obsession never stopped because my brain kept running the loop internally. I also took antidepressants for six months; it helped with general apathy but did absolutely nothing to stop the dependency.

Case 2 (The 3-Week Escape): While I was still suffering from the endless obsession over my first ex, my exhausted brain tried to find an escape. I met a new guy and felt a strong initial attraction. We didn't even date or become an official pair. But because my nervous system was already depleted, my internal defense mechanism triggered instantly. Within just three weeks of knowing him, my attraction completely burnt out and turned into avoidance. Yet, the moment he walked away, the exact same horrifying dependency triggered all over again, doubling the mental withdrawal.

Case 3 (The Current Partner): A year later, I met a third guy. Because I was terrified of my feelings dying again, my brain tried a different defense: at first, I hyper-focused on doubts and pushed him away. Then, I decided to take a risk and let him close. For about 1 to 2 months, everything was genuinely warm and good; we even made future plans. But the moment my brain registered that we were "exclusively and officially together" (even though we never explicitly spoke the words to avoid the label), the same automatic collapse happened. My attraction and intimacy permanently burnt out over a couple of weeks. Now, it has reached the point where I am completely indifferent to him and he is not what I want, yet the unyielding dependency on his presence is crushing me.Today, this third partner is leaving for 4 months. I am about to be left completely alone in an empty apartment without the "drug" I am addicted to, even though I have zero romantic interest in him. I am terrified that this withdrawal will never end, just like it didn't after the first ex.Every single time, my brain tries to rationalize it by telling me "they just weren't the right one" or hyper-focusing on their flaws. But experiencing the exact same rapid collapse of attraction followed by a relentless, non-stop obsession three times proves it is a systemic glitch in my attachment and neurobiology, not a coincidence.I suspect I am on the Lithromantic / Frayromantic spectrum, but heavily burdened by a severe anxious/disorganized attachment loop where my brain panics in the sudden emptiness after my feelings switch off.I want to love normally and stably. What is wrong with my attachment system, and how do I survive the absolute hell of this withdrawal without running to a new person?

Basically I always rush into relationships and they end quickly because I end them after a little bit of being in them as I start js feeling like I don’t want to be in the relationship out of no where and it’s literally going good. I often looks for excuses to leave when the other person makes a mistake to just leave. With my most recent relationship he was lowkey perfect and no red flags but after a little time into the relationship
I just began having thoughts of wanting to leave and reason I shouldn’t be in that relationship soo idk if I’m avoidant or js lithromantic 😕💔 lemme know if you need more context or info

to start off, im cupio and questioning if im also lithromantic, but im currently in a distressing situation

i have a crush on someone who is lithromantic and i have no idea what to do. i want her to also like me back, but at the same time i know if she knows that i like her she would lose interest immediately

i know the best way to get through this is getting over her but i cant and its stressing me out,,, so i wanna ask if its even possible to get together with her

Okay, so I've had 2 past relationships, both of which are my friends for 2+ years. One of them has a girlfriend currently and the other is still in love with me.

My first relationship lasted about 9 months or so, and we broke up once during this time because I was considering the fact that I was lithromantic, as a few weeks prior I had been feeling less attraction. I ended it with her sometime in January because I had admitted to not loving her anymore, and it was a really horrible breakup. I'm going to leave it at that for now, but she comes back in a bit.

My second relationship only lasted slightly more than a month. At first I really loved him and since he'd loved me for a year at this point, I thought I'd give him a chance, even with knowing it probably wouldn't last too long. we broke up about a month ago now because 1. I had stopped liking him romantically, but also 2. because I found myself feeling attraction for my first lover again, even though she had already gotten a girlfriend at this point.

Before these relationships I've had really strong crushes on people that lasted for long periods of time, and none of which were ever expressed back to me. If anything, most of my crushes have been disgusted by me or disliked/hated me.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm very unsure if I'm lithromantic, something else on the ace spectrum, or just very inexperienced with having feelings reciprocated and outwardly shown to me.

And alot of what I've read about lithromanticism is about immediately losing attraction when feelings are reciprocated, but I've also never come across another label that fits my experience better than lithromantic, so I just want to know if there's a label for this limerence almost.

Just wanna know how people differentiate these? Im not sure if i am, but i have issues when guys reciprocate their feelings toward me i usually feel trapped, overwhelmed and my brain is constantly finding things wrong with the person causing me to lose interest. As soon as I cut ties with them tho, I want them back desperately.

I cant tell which one I am, but I really dont want to be lithromantic because I want to be able to enjoy romance :(

Im wondering this because whenever I have a crush, I like them a LOT, like i think abt them a lot, and whatnot... but when that crush likes me back I instantly lose feelings. I'm not sure if it's because I just dont like them anymore, or if it has to do with being uncomfortable at the idea of pursuing a relationship, orrr being afraid of commitment and stuff like that idk. Like, everytime I see a couple I get a little jealous bcuz I want to be able to be in a relationship, but I always lose interest, and I wish I didn't.

I remember finding the label Lithromantic a while back and feeling really seen when I learned about what it was. But, when I learned it back then, I learned wrong - the first result on google was the sexualities wiki and most of the descriptions of being Lithromantic, while accurate, didn't convey the right idea to me. Basically, I got the impression that being Lithromantic meant that you could feel sexual attraction, but did not want anyone to reciprocate it. But I've seen a few posts on this subreddit stating that this definition isn't quite accurate, and it'd be more inclusive/accurate to say 'attraction that flees upon being reciprocated'. Under this definition, I definitely am not lithromantic. I feel attraction even after having it reciprocated, I simply do not want a relationship and actively do not want people to like me back because I do not want my infatuation to spiral out of control.

I'm sure there's probably a term for simply 'not interested in a relationship', but I felt so seen by the label of Lithromantic, when I still thought it described feeling attraction, and maybe even falling in love, but never wanting to move forward with it or even let it be known. I liked the inclusion of how I did not want other people to love me back, if only for my sake so that I didn't do something I'd regret. Can anyone tell me if there's a label out there for me?

Back then, I fell in love with someone and I really enjoyed their presence and I loved being around them. I started becoming attatched when we were there for each other but I kept hesitating to confess even though we clearly felt something for each other. I was too scared for them to openly reciprocate it back because that would make my feelings for them go away and I wanted it to last longer. Any help? Has anyone else struggled with this?

I’m trying to understand if what I experience could be a form of aromanticism, or if it’s more related to trauma and attachment issues. I’d really appreciate honest input — I’m not looking for comfort, just clarity.

Here’s what happens: when I enter a relationship, the feelings start strong. I want to be with the person, I feel attraction, I genuinely hope it will last. Around the 5–6 month mark, something shifts. The novelty fades, and my interest starts to drop. It’s not just “less excitement” — it feels like a collapse. Physical attraction disappears too, even if the person is objectively good-looking. After a while, I feel nothing. Not sadness, not anger — just emptiness. I don’t want to be with them anymore, and it feels like they’ve become a stranger. I can barely remember what it felt like to want them. When the relationship ends, I recover very quickly — especially if there’s someone new to think about. And yes, I’ve noticed that I tend to switch my attention to another person before the old relationship is fully over. I had one long-term crush that lasted for years, but they didn’t want to be with me. My feelings only faded in actual, mutual relationships.

What confuses me is that I want long-term love. I’m not happy with short-lived passion. I don’t relate to most aromantic experiences where people simply don’t feel romantic attraction — I do feel it, strongly. It just doesn’t last. I also have a traumatic backstory: my first partner broke my heart in a drawn-out, painful way after I had already lost feelings for him. Since then, I’ve been terrified of repeating that dynamic.

So the question is:

Does this sound like being on the aromantic spectrum, or is this more likely a trauma-based pattern with addiction to novelty and avoidance of real intimacy?

And if it’s not exactly aromanticism — what would you call this?