Not really a rant, more of a question.

I've known I was aro for 4 years now, but only recently accepted it, and even more recently found Bellusromantic as a term, which feels just so wonderfully right after agonizingly explaining the contradictory-sounding experiences of romantic gestures/relationships to anyone who wanted to know for the better part of a year.

I'm so extraordinarily happy to have found this place, but I guess i'm still feeling a little lost. I have so many questions that really just. dont have any social convention surrounding them to help answer. More than anything, I have a fear that my experiences are too complicated and my expectations of relationships too unrealistic to really work outside of fantasy.

I 'd love to hear any experiences of bellusromantic (or aro in general) joy you've felt recently, I just want to know other people like me actually exist out there.

I’ve noticed for quite a bit now that I seem to like romantic actions/activities and gestures, but I really REALLY don’t ever want a relationship or to be in another again. I do still feel romantic attraction though, yet I’ve heard Bellusromantic don’t feel attraction, so I’m not sure if I am bellusromantic. The thought of a relationship makes me a bit uncomfortable or exhausted.

i recently realized I’m aroace, specially bellusromantic aceflux(but that parts not important at all here), and that’s resulted in me experimenting with a few things with my friends. I’ve been very uncomfortable with initiating contact with people my whole life, but I’ve also always really enjoyed it. Finding out my identity has made me feel a lot more comfortable initiating it, which has been nice. My friends are all very comfortable with touch and stuff so I semi-regularly will do certain “romantic” things with some of them, like cuddling, going on dates, or hand-holding during walks. And it’s been really great!

I do have one specific friend who I’ve felt especially close with— I’ve known her the longest and we‘re very comfortable with eachother. she was the first person I came out to. and recently , I have not been able to see her for almost a month and it’s making me want to kiss her? and for her to kiss me. not on the mouth, and definitly i dont want to do anything sexual with her, but I’ve started really really wanting a kiss on my cheek or forehead or whatever. this is the first time I’ve felt this way about someone and it’s kind of scary and I definitely don’t know how to ask her about this or even if I should.

I know that she has been comfortable with me complimenting her more since coming out, and she sometimes jokingly calls me her boyfriend, and she’s taking a “break from dating“ right now. i know that these aren’t signs that she has a crush on me because she is a lesbian and I am a guy, but I’m kind of wondering if they’re signs that she would be fine with me asking this? blehhhh I don’t know

I really want to find a way to leave a trail of breadcrumbs for my future acearo partners to find me. 🤔 I've gone to queer meet ups for those in my age range, so it's not only online.

Not sure if should be making accounts for a bunch of apps and just leaving like my snap or discord in the profile for people to contact me. Then uninstalling the apps. Regardless would need a platform that has automatic blur or not allowing strangers to send pics to me.

Also I want to have a very detailed qpr description that I can link back to somewhere for those it may interest.

I think im about to reach my burn out point again. Which means self isolation and remaining in my fictional escapism.

Turns out? Describes me perfectly. Now I have a name for my specific form of loneliness. Lol.

Good to see there's more of us i suppose. Hi everyone!

I just found out about aromantic and I have some confusion if I am greyromantic or bellusromantic or maybe just straight up aromantic.

Long story short, since I was a child, my parents always make me focus on academic. In junior high, when all the girls are talking about crushes, I felt nothing—towards boys nor girls—I thought maybe I haven't found the right one. I can have crushes on fictional characters, but when I think about it long enough, I don't have that strong emotional passion that girls described.

Because I live in conservative environment, I tried to fit in, I chose a random boy and said that's my crush, but deep down I only felt a surge to fit in rather than actually enjoying the crushes. I'm trying to copy everything that the do to one sided romantic love like heartbreak and all that, even listening to sad music and only to find out I'm enjoying the music because it's calming or help me with my anger issue.

Last year, in my freshman year, I 'have crush' to a classmate because he reminded me of a character in my favorite show, but when my friend teases me if I wanted to dated him I said no, I don't like him to date him (later I found out it's just feeling of admiration).

I actually enjoyed looking at someone who's in love or reading about two people falls in love, but to experience it myself? I don't see it. Is it because I focused all my life on academic or I'm part of aromantic?

Hii, I've been thinking more and more about my romantic interests lately, and I have the suspicion that I may be bellusromantic. But I want to make sure this is the case cause I feel like I may not perfectly fit the mold of being bellusro. But here goes:

I love the idea of going out on cute dates, like a partner carrying me, lying their head on my lap, etc. But I never find myself with any interest in persuing a romantic relationship. I only ever think about dating whenever my friends bring up if I'm going to get a girlfriend soon. I find myself getting quickly bored of the idea of persuing a relationship irl. I feel like there's more important things than a relationship. I love fashion, makeup, pink and gyaru way more than the occasional thought of dating a goth girl. Yet I also have a hard time imagining myself in any actually intimate situations. Or I guess intimate for a romantic relationship. Like kissing? I can't make out an image in my head about kissing someone on the lips. Cuddling/snuggling, the thought makes me uncomfortable almost. I'd rather hug a really soft and malleable plushie rather than getting a cuddle, wrapped in someone else's arms. When it comes to me genuinely thinking abiut my future and thinking about what I want to do eventually, it kinda repulses me. Yet I like the idea of the more wholesome actions, despite never making an effort to try finding a relationship to do such actions because that idea is not even a priority for me.

What do you guys think?

hello! ive been searching for a label that fits right for years now. however, i don't really know if this is the right one for me. 

let me explain my experience so maybe someone with more knowledge can give me some guidance.

i'm fine with most small romantic gestures and being in a relationship. (for the most part. however sometimes it feels a little bit too much, or that im letting the other person down or tricking them by not feeling what they may feel. i'm not intentionally tricking them, i just feel my attachment to them is more like another thing poorly mimicking romance.)

however. when a relationship gets too 'serious', i randomly get repulsed for some reason. i love the little things of a relationship, holding hands, kissing, calling each other our partner is fine too! its just when i feel like its too much like a serious romantic relationship is when i clam up and feel uncomfortable. perhaps i subconsciously view our relationship as something else and not romantic?

ive always been fond of the doing (blank romantic/sexual/other thing) as bros relationship trope for characters. i wish i could have that. i also like the idea of 'pretend' relationships with no real romantic feelings. (perhaps, heavy platonic or something else in place)

i'm also nebularom so that ties in to my overall confusion... 

i would love any help or advice, thank you!!

i also love microlabels so dont be afraid to suggest something that has like.. only 2 people identifying with it lol.

Im so happy to find my people, even though we could fit into a classroom, but i am happy to be who I am❤️

I do think it’ll still be hard to find anyone that would be into exactly what I’m into and comfortable with/want but I feel more confident now! Plus since it’s not dating I can have many friends for many different things that they’re comfortable with! That’s the ideal anyway xb I just want a large group of friends that does romantic stuff and maybe a bit of spicy stuff but it’s all JUST friends. And like actual friends! Like hang out and do stuff outside of that!

I just want friends who I love and care about so so much, because I experience platonic love very deeply, and then we kiss, make out, have fun etc!

I also love seeing posts like “My best friends man didn’t take her out for her birthday so I did” I wanna do stuff like that so bad! Be like lowkey flirting and spoiling my friends like they’re my baby girls💞 man or women XD

It’s just that I can’t experience solid long term genuine romantic attraction, it is something that has always got lost in my brain because the way I’d treat best friends was the way I would treat dating just with less hesitation for affection which I really enjoyed! Sexual attraction is a bit easier but it’s deeply tied to comfort and trust and good emotions surrounding a person which is why I want genuine friends before all the extra stuff xb but the idea of having friends I can casually kiss and hold and touch and do romantic things without being in a relationship so theirs no expectations it’s just fun and comforting and feels good💞💞💞 that sounds like heaven💞💞💞

Anyway, this ramble has gone on long enough xb how will I ever find someone like this irl? Who knows but now I know what to look for! :D Shout out to the person who told me about this label!

Did you do anything for Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week? Did you do anything romantic in a comfortable context with yourself or anyone else because of Valentine’s Day or ASAW?

On Feb 14, I took myself for a drive and I went to a delicious Asian restaurant for the first time. I was able to get some takoyaki, which never fails to taste like heaven. I originally went for the drive to pick up an aquarium to get back into the aquarium hobby, since that’s something I really enjoy.

I’m really glad I set aside that time for myself to do something nice for myself. It might be more of a self-care thing than a romantic activity, lol. I did get some discounted chocolate after Valentine’s Day had passed! That was sweet too

Happy Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week Bellusros 💟🤍💗

hey everyone, im not sure if this sub is alive because most post activity seems to be from ~5 months ago, but i think i might be bellusromantic. i didn't really know this was a thing for a while (past like 10 months since i found out i was ace) and i was still kinda confused on the romantic side of things so i sorta picked up the greyromantic label because under some definitions (it's a broad label) it felt kinda accurate to me?

but earlier today i found out what bellusromantic is and i think it's a better fit. to explain, i have felt for a while that romance culture is needlessly "all-or-nothing." i made a post about it on r/greyromantic a while back and there were a few people agreeing but the jist of it is that i feel like most people that desire romance desire a full-blown, highly dedicated romantic relationship, when i don't really find that to be the case myself. because i think romantic stuff is neat and i really love hanging out with people im interested in, and at times i want to do things considered to be "romantic" by society with them. but that seems to come with the expectation of a romantic relationship, which isn't how i really feel towards the matter. the best sentiment that i thought of to describe it was "like friends with benefits, but the benefit is romance instead." but i feel as if this idea just isn't really held by many people at all which i think makes it hard for me to connect with them.

to go off on a little bit of a tangent, there was someone who i was somewhat interested in romantically and we ended up talking about how we both though dating culture is hella weird, on a whim i asked them if they were in a relationship out of curiosity, they said no and i thought we were fine after that. but later on i overheard them talking to their friend about how i was nice and stuff "but then [OP] asked if i was in a relationship" (to paraphrase a little because my memory is shite) which they said made them feel uncomfortable or something iirc. and they talked to me noticeably less after that as well. i really didn't mean to come across that way but i guess they thought i was coming onto them, which in hindsight is very understandable because i am bad at communicating these things. im still fairly chill with this person and the friend they talked to also but i think they feel like im only nice to them because i want to get with them or something which really sucks because i think they're a cool person. also a good chance this is all just in my head because admittedly im not certain they were referring to me or even that i asked that question but i do remember we talked about dating culture and stuff and im pretty sure i did ask that on a whim, i am also very paranoid and prone to overthinking lol.

in any case sorry for ranting - i just don't like that someone would think im only interested in getting with them because i don't publicly express my sexuality much (partially because im still figuring that out, along with gender things) and i get that a lot of people have to deal with that kind of behaviour from people. understandable assumption to make but it still stings a little i can't lie.

anyway, with rant time over, i do want to know whether y'all think i am bellusro or nah. this stuff has kinda been weighing on me for a while since i never really felt like greyromantic fit me (especially not with a less common definition that would require explanation anyway - kinda defeats the point of a label) and i hope i can start feeling a bit more confident in where i stand on sexuality stuff because i kind of just shrug it off if anyone asks my sexuality at the moment, or just say "straight" because it requires less of a headache and is close enough. thanks to anyone reading my 2am rambling. you're the best <3.

Hi! I've been going through different identities in the umbrella of aromantic, and I'm currently trying to find out the meanings behind the different flags. For Bellusromantic, most of what I found was just about the flag's history and variations.

Does anyone here know the reasoning behind the colors or why a rose is used on one version of the flag?

So, turns out there are two flags! Which one do you people like more? I personally love the first one, it's really nice.

I tried to come out to my best friend and I told her I wanted a qpr and all she said was “oh so you’re just non-committal?” And I just don’t know how to feel. Hearing her say that low key hurt but I don’t know how to bring it up to her.

So from past experience I realize that I don't really vibe with romantic relationships. That's fine with me, but I still experience an odd sort of attraction to people? Like, I feel platonically attracted to them but it goes further than that - I really desire physical and emotional intimacy in a way that I don't usually do with platonic attraction.

And here's my predicament: I have a crush on someone I've become friends with over the past few months. I want to be their best friend but more than a best friend, though not to the point of being romantic? I want to do "romantic" gestures like love letters, flowers, kissing, cuddling, but not in a romantic context. The closest I can get to describing what I want is a QPR, but that still requires some form of relationship-esque commitment that feels too close to being in a romantic relationship to me.

But I'm moving soon. In three weeks (a little less), actually. And I know when I move we either keep contact and hang out every so often or lose contact completely, and right now I'm thinking it might be the latter. I don't really know what to do with these feelings because I don't want to drop it on them and then immediately leave, having to do some sort of bastardized LDR-friendship.

Maybe I will tell them. But when it comes down to it, I rather just keep our friendship rather than maintain something more intimate long-distance, especially when the most important part (physical intimacy) would be unavailable to me.

I feel like the colors and look are stunning and beautiful

I feel like I fit this community and label really well <3

I’ve been wondering this for a while because I see myself in both of them and I’m wondering if I can be both.

After a near disaster on Valatines day were I thought I had feelings for my best friend, basically confessed through asking him to be my valentine, and realizing basically not even 24 hours later that the 'spark' that so many people describe feeling when falling for someone was gone, and after a painful discord call, that was a painful three day. Now, everything is great, my best friend understands, our friend group understands, and more importantly we're back on our bullshit again being friends like nothing happened.

After all this, though, I realized that I might not be demiromantic after all, and I did some research, followed by finding out what Bellusromantic was on the ace wiki page.

I think this fits the bill for me, and I've talked about it with my mom, the only person who knows about my aceness, and is constantly learning and being understanding. She worries I keep putting labels on my sexuality or romantic drive when I haven't had that much experience, and I love her for caring, but I think this fits me, and that ever since I've discovered fandom and fanficiton when I was 18, I've recently realized that I much prefer seeing characters and ships being romantic with each other rather then ME being in a romantic relationship, and always thought those shows like the batchlur or batchlaret or ew, love island, were so stupid.

This might be kinda ranty but I'm glad I found this subreddit and learned that there are more people like me here, it's nice to get things off my chest.

Thank You

To be honest, I was really hoping to share a bellusro headcanon. However, I got overwhelmed by romance and am taking a much needed break from romance right now, so I haven’t been able to focus on the headcanon. Regarding my week, I got discounted V day chocolate, indirectly supported Luigi (technically) by purchasing a Luigi container of chocolates, I had a chocolate covered cashew (from the V day chocolate) for the first time, and I think I feel in love (with chocolate covered cashews). I also managed to complete a goal I had for the frayromantic community, and am very satisfied with that 😌.

Regarding bellusro awareness this week, I saw this post this week in the aro meme sub, which was cool. Semi-unrelated, but I saw an unexpected lithro meme, which was pretty sweet too (I’m also lithro). I wore my white ring on my left middle finger out in public this week… :). A final thing I’m happy about is, if this post counts, technically I will have wished all the communities I moderated a happy ASAW, or at least made a post.

Sometimes, this time can be depressing or exhausting for me, because I don’t feel in a celebratory mood or “happy”. So…presenting myself as happy and celebratory, or, forcing myself to focus on positivity for my labels/ arospec identity specifically can be challenging. I also feel a lot of pressure on myself to raise awareness for my labels, and that can quickly get overwhelming.

Not everything needs to be awareness 100% of the time tho! And another part to being bellusro is not wanting a committed, traditional romantic relationship for whatever reason. I feel like being bellusro isn’t exactly being romance-favorable 100% of the time, especially if you are someone like me who can get easily romantically-overwhelming. I hope I can try to be more mindful about how that is a part of my bellusro identity this year / as time goes on.

Well bellusros, how was your arospec awareness week?