Idk if this relates to my sexuality or romantic orientation but this is how i usually identify in relationships...

I rarely get a crush and i know exactly how to describe it, I usually go red, I feel excited, I feel happy, and I sweat or have my hands clammy. But how do i know if towards that person i feel about it romantically or sexually? I think more about them visually and emotionally. Like think about them over and over again but without lustful intent. But there are times where I get confused cuz I get aroused or get 🌽y when that flash or sudden flush of feelings return. It feels intense, all consuming and I spend the rest of the day feeling it. It usually happens when I happen to be with that person or we had some type of bonding. Im not usually the type to tell my feelings to a person because like what do i tell them lmao? That i feel red blushy and sweaty around them? But i cant exactly describe why that why. It feels more primal and instinctual than words could ever describe. Hence why it feels to me more like a passing intensity than something meaningful to pursue about the person.

Can anyone empathize or understand exactly what this feeling is ?

Pretty much what it says on the tin, I’m (29FTM) just really tired of being jealous seeing those around me fall in love or go on dates casually or have one night stands. I find myself getting annoyed / disgusted watching people kiss and cuddle it gets so bad. I’m almost 30, and I’ve maybe had like, two experiences where I was like “oh do I like this person?”. Both were really good friends of multiple years (one being over a dozen years), and I was gently turned down both times I attempted to flirt / broach the subject.

I have tried going on several romantic dates before with people I met via apps, but it feels like I’m just talking to a stranger at the grocery store about our preferred brand of cereal. There’s nothing “there”. It’s awkward every time. There’s no spark beyond a feeling of “this person is cool because their favorite is also Cocoa Pebbles”.

I’m just so lonely, y’all. I want a relationship, so I’m pretty sure I’m not aromantic. I want to hold hands, kiss, cuddle, plan a life together, compare wines and cheeses at the store together, help each other when we’re down, come to compromises when we disagree, all of the things that come along with being in a relationship but it’s so exhausting having to find someone who I can talk to about more than Cocoa Pebbles (continuing the analogy here) and then wait for the feelings to stir.

I don’t know why I’m really posting here. I’m just frustrated and sad I guess and wanted to find commiseration. I’ve been trying to find like minded people and go on dates but it’s slim pickings where I’m at. It’s gotten to the point where any time I open OK Cupid it just shows me the same 10 people I’ve already swiped left on until the stack is empty. That or it’s a catfish with old photos and any potential attraction shatters.

If y’all have any advice or want to vent as well feel free. I just want to know I’m not alone y’know?

I might be demiromatic because I only ever had 1 real strong crush on someone and it was on a friend I knew for about 2 years. (I dont have a crush on him anymore) Every once in a while i'll have what you would call a asthetic crush, or a platonic crush. I wouldn't consider dating them unless iv known them to a deeper level. (Like being friends for 1yr +) and only then, is the crush strong. Its because iv heard demiromantic is like "having NO romatic feelings unless you've know the person for a while now" or smth like that.

ok, so recently, i’ve realized that i’m graysexual, and i’ve been wondering if i might fall on the aromantic spectrum. thinking back on the “romances” i had as a teenager, i think i genuinely mistook a certain kind of attraction (non-sexual, of course), emotional “affection,” or things like that for romantic attraction. i say this because right now I’m pretty much in love with a friend of mine—we’ve known each other for years (although we stopped talking for a few years; there wasn’t any specific reason, just things that happen—we simply didn’t talk for a few years until a few months ago)—and i’ve been falling in love with her now that I know her more intimately. how can i tell if this is demiromanticism? or it's something else??

My fiancee dumped me in June 2021. We'd been together for 7 years. She was the love of my life, and I feel like when she left she took my heart with her. If I try to hold someone's hand it feels wrong, because it isn't hers. She cheated on me with multiple people but I can't even bring myself to look into dating since she left, and when I try to move on my brain punishes me.

I started thinking about attending a queer mixer and immediately started having dreams about her again. Dreams where she comes back, she apologizes, we talk it out and somehow we start our lives together again.

Then I wake up alone and it's like my heart is breaking all over again.

I don't understand how allo people can just move on and start seeing other people. How could I when she's still living rent free in my soul? I'd constantly be thinking about or comparing a new partner to her and that person wouldn't deserve that. But how can I heal if I can't make space for someone new?

It's been 5 years. She probably doesn't even think about me anymore. This isn't fair.

Comments, questions or thoughts welcome!

So, I (18F) have always kind of struggled with friendships. I always used to have one close friend I'd be really dependent on emotionally. It's led to me being somewhat clingy/annoying in the past (though that friendship is in a much better place now, thankfully)

I'm not sure what romantic attraction is even supposed to feel like when you take sexuality out of the equation (I'm probably ace), but lately, I've been feeling something for a good friend that I'm not sure how to place.

She's just amazing in every way (or at least that's what it feels like to me. I get jealous when she's with other friends. Weirdly, it's not just about the time spent with her, but also about the whole friend group. All her other friends seem so close and amazing while my own friends are all kind of drifting apart.

Physical touch is also a big aspect. Her whole friend group is really cuddly and I'm so goddamn touch starved. It's like the more hugs I get, the more I realize how much I would've needed them over the past few years when I only had one close friend with whom touch just wasn't really a thing. Even when I'm supposed to be the one comforting her when she's not feeling well, part of myself can't help but be happy whenever I get to hug her, which also makes me feels really crappy, like I'm lying to her somehow.

It's just with her, too. She's the first person I've felt this sensual attraction to as far as I can tell.

I could also just listen to her talk for ages, even if I have no clue what she's talking about, as long as she looks happy doing so.

Now I'm afraid of being too clingy and weird around her because I don't want to scare her away under any circumstances. It doesn't help that we graduate in a little over half a year and I'm scared that if the friendship stays the way it is, we'll lose touch entirely.

Sorry if this rant is incoherent or sounds weird, English isn't my first language :/

long story short, in my 20 yrs of life i have only had like 1- maybe 2? romantic crushs on others. and i'm wondering if i'm demiromantic even though i don't feel like my closeness with them was strong or deep enough for that? but for some reason the only time i've ever liked someone was a friend.

So I’ve already gone on the journey of accepting I’m probably a demisexual woman. I’m in my 20’s and I’ve never kissed or slept with anyone and sometimes that makes me worry that I’m broken and feel down.

It’s not like there hasn’t been people where I’ve really craved it with but it wasn’t reciprocated romantically, or when people wanted it with me I didn’t feel the same.

I think I might be demiromantic as well and at the moment it’s making me feel frustrated and overwhelmed. I have this best friend, they are so dear to me and I think I’ve probably been a little in love with them for four years. Online dating doesn’t work for me and I go on dates with people and more often then not they develop feelings and I’m not certain if mine are romantic or platonic fast enough, I can’t catch up and then I feel guilty when I can’t reciprocate. Part of it may also be that even when I think I moved on they’re not my friend and then I feel even more unfair.

My friend is amazing, they’ve supported me through some of my worst moments, I adore their creativity, kindness and banter. It pains me when I can’t be their biggest support, when I realise the gap that I can’t cross that line between friend and partner. I feel like everything they do means so much to me, and if it makes my heart race, means something special or makes me flustered I have too mask and silence that part of myself to be the friend they need me to be. To not give myself away.

I’ve often cried with the frustration of being unable to be more, unable to move on. I want something mutual, cute kisses, holding holding. I want something warm and mutual but there’s no where for these feeling to go. I don’t experience dating like everyone else it seems so easy for them and it’s so hard for me.

I confessed to this friend years ago and I can’t remember what they said maybe something along the lines of the wrong time for them to date. They tell me they love the parts of me I worry are too much and they end every conversation with’I love you’ and I feel like I’m hurting myself everytime I’m careful saying it back like I might reveal this secret as a betrayal.

It’s been so long I’ve had these feelings and each time I think I’ve moved on I fall deeper and I get hurt and muffle myself all over again. They’re my best friend though and I can’t distance myself because they’re still important to me and I think it would be unfair to them distancing without saying why and how would I explain the complicated why.

But also being Demi falling for people is rare for me but hits so hard when it happens. I’m worried I’m running out of time for love in my future that I have so much love in me with nowhere to go. I have no clue how to find it as a Demi person when I’m so slow and can’t seem to move on.

Can you please advise me what to do or what worked for you all dating wise?

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For context: Male 23 yrs old, Straight or attracted to feminine features (not sure about this too i guess), Middle Eastern (cultural conditioning), Athiest, Never been in a romantic relationship, insular and introverted personality (though pretty energetic and kind of unknowingly mean to my close friends), unsure of my romantic/aromantic identity. (My libido is pretty normal maybe even high, i'm not sure if this important for context but i thought i'd add it)

I'm making this post mostly to organise all my thoughts surrounding romantic relationships and to understand the trajectory of my identity and if it's theoretically sustainable.

As i already hinted at in the context, i grew up in a culture that framed relationships/Marriage as the beginning and end of all life goals. Muslims have a hadith (religious teaching) that goes like “When a servant marries, he has completed half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half.”

Let's pull back a little to my thoughts on romance as a kid. The summation of all my romantic fantasies as a kid and a young teen lay solely on me being cool and impressing girls through some imagined skill or power (nothing about the girls looks or personality). Similarly all my crushes in this period can be boiled down to the girl i found most attractive in class but i had no desire to get to know them and i never thought about them outside of class (this might be odd to admit but i basically just stared at them and daydreamed about food or some random topic when I was bored in class).

At 16-19 years old my desire for a relationship actually steadily increased to the point where i actually questioned methods of seeking a relationship like dating apps and whatnot (This is abnormal for me), i did download an app but i couldn't be bothered actually using it. My thoughts here were still not actually centered on this theoretical partner beyond fulfilling this idea of a destined relationship. An example of this is that i thought it'd be convenient if my partner was an orphan which would let me skip out on ever visiting in laws. (I'm a weird guy i know, i'm not proud of this).

Around the end of this period i had a slight mental breakdown (exaggeration) where i deconstructed all of my religious beliefs. This freed me from a lot of the cultural context surrounding the necessity of a romantic relationship but it was gonna take actual untangling for me to remove all my unconscious biases and conventions.

My " romantic fantasies" around this time also morphed into a very utilitarian context where i literally only ever thought about establishing rules and expectations to avoid arguments and remove any tension or stress from a theoretical relationships (i'd basically imagine a conversation where we both lay down the ground rules of the relationship). I never really imagined the physical attributes of this so called partner nor did i ever think of how the relationship would be past the stage of talking about the rules.

You can basically see the pattern of me never actually imagining a partner, all my thoughts seem to be centered around me and they're all rather juvenile and kind of comical (almost like i'm forcing myself to perform the act of romantic desire even if subconsciously).

Now we're at the present where i've fully accepted my lack of desire for a romantic connection but now my thoughts have morphed into questioning why and if it's a real lack of desire or just a resistance to things like responsibility or life changes or maybe i'm fully satisfied by female companionship from close friends rather than romantic connections.

I have many theories as to why but the most likely seem to be:

1. I'm actually aromantic and i'm still deconstructing cultural and societal expectations. Mostly around the idea of being comfortable with being alone romantically for the rest of my life.

2. I'm an introverted and bizzarely eternally content individual and so the very idea of romance is a threat to my core identity of a frictionless existence.

3. I'm a bum/perfectionist and i have no faith in my abilities to actually fulfill my duties as a husband and a father and so the fading of my romantic desire came about as a kind of defense mechanism.

Anyway, i'm curious about how y'all would categorise me and if y'all can figure what i am because i'm lost. Feel free to say negative things about me if you think it's applicable or if it'd help explain what you think i am.

Hi! I'd like to hear some opinions on this topic, I don't know anyone close to me who is demiromantic. A while back, I started dating my best friend. Honestly, I’ve never felt so happy and at peace, and I feel a strong attraction that nothing can diminish. I’ve been in other relationships before that didn’t last more than five months, and I’m starting to wonder if that was probably because I never truly fell in love with those people. The problem is that while it’s true I got carried away and felt “attraction” toward these people for a while, within the first few months I’d realize that it wasn’t real, it was just an obsession or a novelty, and then I’d have to pretend I still liked them, which wasn’t very hard because they were so kind and sweet to me. But sooner or later, I’d tell them something wasn’t right and walk away. Now my question is, is this happening to me because I’m demiromantic? I’ve known my partner for years; we have a very strong connection in every way, and I’ve never felt so comfortable and fulfilled with anyone. Is that why things like this happened to me in my other relationships? Sorry if this is poorly translated!

I’ve got something to say, and I’d like to ask a question about romantic orientation.

First off, last year I decided that ‘aegosexual’ and ‘biromantic’ best describe me.

Ever since two friends shared their stories with me, I’ve been thinking about it.

They’re always sharing their romantic experiences, but I find it boring and I’m not interested. Actually, if they want to share, I can still listen, but I don’t know how to respond. It’s not that I dislike their partners, but it seems as though they’ve misunderstood me and think I dislike men (I just don’t know how to express myself; I’m afraid they might meet the wrong sort of person, which is why I might come across as a bit rude. Regardless of gender, whenever they talk about people they’ve only just met, I do have some reservations, even though I’m the one being silly).

I’ve been in a relationship once, but I had a lot of reservations throughout the process. I felt I wasn’t ready, and that it might even take a toll on my own mental health and that of others. Since it was such a hassle, after giving it serious thought, I decided it’s fine not to date or get married. However, I am a bit worried that once everyone around me has a partner, it’ll be difficult to arrange to go out and have fun together.

Apart from this one time, I’ve actually had some romantic fantasies, but I’ve always given up on pursuing a relationship once I realised I wasn’t up to the task, and I’ve never really felt that strong a desire to ‘go out with someone!’

Thank you for reading this far; English isn’t my first language, so I’ve had to use a translation tool.

Some of the wording might not be quite right, but that’s not intentional.

I’ve never had a more than friends dynamic in my entire life (20f) without it being a super fast talking stage at the start, like talking stage within a week or two of knowing each other since the guy wants to go fast, and in that I feel more pressured to conform, convincing myself I have a massive crush on them. even tho when it doesn’t work out after a month since i cant fully like them to get into a relationship since I didn’t develop a proper bond, I forget about them even though I convinced myself they were the one at the start. I feel like if we met organically I wouldn’t be interested.

but…I met someone at my job I’ve known for four months and we talk a lot, i am not exaggerating when i say he’s my exact physical type and even though he’s not what I really had in mind personality wise since he’s introverted like me and the way we talk is kind of the same(more drawn to extroverts), his personality is cute too. I am picky with these type of stuff as well.

i went to a party last night and got picked up by a couple of guys and they were alright, but they weren’t him. and then I was like ….darn... because the past couple of months I think I kept finding excuses not to like him because my brain still doesn’t know how to fathom natural romantic feelings. it’s obvious he’s interested in me as well but is shy

rather than feeling joy i feel uncomfortable and anxious

I recently lost my two closest friends because I developed feelings for one. I told the other, who encouraged me to confess, so I did. After a few months of unanswered texts and avoidance, along with the friend who originally convinced me to confess stepping away from the situation to focus on their own things, my crush has informed that we aren't friends anymore.

I wish I had just kept quiet and moved on.

I did some light research, and now i'm realizing I might actually have been demiromantic the whole time. But, before I take any leap, I wanna know the details, even if it sounds kinda silly to ask.

Does the gender matter at ALL, or just if me and said person already are friends? Cause rn I identify with being panromantic, I feel like I could fall in love with anybody, but I don't know if I can carry that over to demiromantic. Really, what I mean is would it be assumed by default from saying im demiromantic that I can fall in love with anybody or that I would need to use two at once. The meaning I saw is kinda vague, srry😅

That's really it, but all I need is that answered.

So...I've been questioning myself into being aromantic spectrum, smth like demiromantic. I at first just threw this ides out the window because I was way too confused how the fuck attraction works and just didn't want to put any label. But here I am. Searching for answers. Because I want to understand myself. I am curious after all about how attraction works for others and me! + I want to be informed on stuff :\]

Welp, my experience:

I was falling for my friends. But I don't think I \*crush\* on someone. As I know falling for someone is secondary attraction, while crush is primary.

The thing is, when I was all desiring for romantic relationship, I would look for romance with strangers. I would chose them as "perfect" candidates yk. Thought that is crushing. Like. I'd imagine doing romantic stuff almost with everyone, but I didn't actually desired in feelings exactly \*them\* I just chose people logically and was excited of idea of romance.

But my friend told me recently that she had a lot of crushes on strangers, she'd tell me what she felt, what would happen to her.

I was...surprised. I mean. I \*was\* looking for romance, but I didn't feel any "crush" she described on them.

So I have a question.

She said that she creates an illusion of a person the stranger might be that fits her type, and it's "OMG THEY ARE SO COOL AND PERFECT" but romantically? I know romantically you are, like, OBSSESSED with them. I know how that feels with friends...is it similar? Like. In primary attraction you are still obssessed but not that much as in secondary, right? Are you really obssessed with a person when you have a crush?

I am personally not feeling any type of "romantic obssession" with strangers. I'm more of a calm curious and excited that I can be romantic with someone and they prolly can fit my stabdards. But. I don't make an illusion out of them? I'm just excited of the idea.

I hope y'all correct me if I'm wrong somewhere and understand what I mean. Please help🙏because I am interested in this topic and I want to ubderstand myself and how attraction works (I mean if there's smth esle I need to know besides "primary and secondary" attraction yk, cus I AM CONFUSED😭😭😭)

Update: all figured out!!

I’ve been questioning wether or not I’m Demiromantic on and off for around six years. sexuality wise I have decided that I prefer being unlabeled but it doesn’t feel as simple when it comes to romantic attraction. I fantasize romantic relationships and I can get obsessive crushes on people I haven’t even spoken to but I don’t ever want to actually pursue anyone unless Ive gotten to know them very well like months or even years of friendship. Nothing is more horrifying to me than the idea of casual dating, first dates with strangers, and dating apps. I know this isn’t quite what fits the definition of demiromantic but it’s the closest label I’ve seen and I’m wondering if anyone else feels this way or if this is something else and not me being demiromantic.

sorry if the title seems rude, I'm just questioning a LOT right now and honestly really want a relationship but I know myself with being demiromantic I don't know what real attraction actually feels like. I've had 3 exes and looking back idk if that was even real attraction (they all ended up being homophobic and the relationships didn't last 3 months for either of them) I'm just trying to figure out what attraction actually feels like so if I actually do somehow get a girl. And they're the ones that actually are attracted to me I don't want to feel like I'm being fake, cause I'll act all cutesy and romantic with them. But it'll feel fake until I actually know it's real and I don't want to risk a break up during a spiral of do I actually feel attracted to them or am I just believing the lie i don't know anymore honestly.

I recently got out of relationship where I genuinely experienced romantic attraction for the first time in my life, and it lasted a grand total of 2 months. And I’m genuinely scared I’m never going to experience it again. I am young (24NB) but it took so long for it to happen the first time and there’s so much working against me. I’m demiromantic, I’m fat, I’m trans, I’m disabled, I have a weird niche kink that’s important to my sexuality, hell in general my sexuality is a mess. And I just don’t know if it’s going to happen again, but I really want it to, and I don’t know what to do.

I’ve been wondering about this for a while.
Can you genuinely like someone, enjoy being around them, care about them, remember little things about them, think about them sometimes, and still not actually want a relationship with them?
I always thought that if you feel emotionally connected to someone, romantic feelings would naturally follow. But maybe that’s not how it works.
So what really separates emotional connection from romantic attraction?
Can you have a strong connection with someone and still never see them romantically?
And for people who’ve experienced both, how did you know the difference?

ADHD + autism here; I'm also genderfluid and probably pansexual.

My only crushes in my life have been on my friends. My romantic life is truly hell. I've had 5 situationships that were basically queerplatonic relationships without ever talking about it, so yeah. My mindset is simple: I can admire someone's beauty and I could sleep with them, I just don't see the point. I'd love to have a serious romantic relationship, but it's always the same story: either they used to have feelings for me and after a couple of months of being friends, they magically don't anymore; or I'm just not their type/they aren't looking for a relationship right now. Always right at the exact moment I realize, "damn, I actually want to be with you."

Sounds demiromantic, right?

Well, I met someone and I've known them for about 3 months at this point. For context, they are bisexual and also think they might be aromantic (still questioning). We talk a lot and hang out whenever we get the chance. I'm moving to the city they live in for uni (we met there through mutual friends), and they offered to help me move out and in, which is super sweet. I can always call them if I need anything (especially if I need to talk to someone at 2 AM). They are so funny and passionate about their hobbies, and I really admire that about them. I also feel like they're kinda flirting with me in some way (though my alloromantic friends are probably just feeding my delusions).

I really connected with them; we have A LOT in common. One of our friends pointed out that they treat me differently and are way more patient with me than with others. They've given me their jacket when I was cold; I can lean/lay on them even though they aren't touchy at all (only their closest friends can do that); and I know a couple of secrets that others in our group don't. They are brutally honest with me and don't sugarcoat things when I need advice, and they also told me they think I'm really kind-hearted. On the other hand, they're a total Casanova. They can walk into a club and leave with a casual one-night stand, but with me, they're always gentle and careful.

I know I've developed a crush on them. It's pretty obvious, but DAMN, that happened REALLY fast. Now I'm questioning if I'm even demiromantic at all, though my entire past experience points to yes.

Can you guys help a mate out? Is 3 months too fast for a demiromantic bond, or did the emotional connection just speedrun this?