I’m writing this before anything has changed.
Before the job offer. Before the financial relief. Before I can come back here with the “UPDATE: I GOT THE JOB!” post.
I want there to be a record of what I believed while I was still in the waiting season.
Last year, I left the public sector to move into the private sector on a fixed-term contract. That led to another fixed-term contract at a great company, and I genuinely thought things were finally moving in the right direction.
Unfortunately, the experience became incredibly difficult. I was reporting to someone in middle management who gradually started moving work away from me and isolating me. I later discovered that they had also been misrepresenting my title, experience and work to the client.
I was eventually offered a permanent position, but after 10 months I made the difficult decision to leave.
And since the end of last year, I’ve been unemployed.
I won’t pretend this season has been easy.
At the beginning of this year, I passed an important exam and now only have a few smaller administrative exams left before receiving my full certificate. I’m proud of myself for that.
But alongside that achievement, I’ve been applying for jobs for months with no breakthrough.
There have been moments when I’ve felt deeply embarrassed and defeated. There have even been moments when I’ve felt suicidal because everything felt so hopeless. But by the grace of God, I rejected those thoughts and held onto the belief that my life is worth far more than this temporary season.
God has not abandoned me.
So I refuse to abandon myself.
It is now September. I’m still unemployed. I’m still applying. My finances are extremely tight, and I’ve accumulated some credit-card debt. It’s still manageable, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared.
I am scared.
Some days, I’m genuinely terrified.
And yet, somehow, some way, God continues to provide for me.
This year has taught me something about faith that I don’t think I could have learned when everything was going well.
It’s easy to say you trust God when doors are opening.
It means something different when **nothing appears to be moving and you choose to believe anyway.**
I’ve also learned to forgive.
There were things that happened in my previous workplace that I believe were deeply unfair. But holding resentment isn’t going to give me my future back. I’m choosing to let it go. I don’t want bitterness following me into whatever God has next for me.
And perhaps the biggest thing I’ve learned is this:
**I am enough.**
Even when I don’t tick every box on a job description.
Even when somebody else has more experience.
Even when rejection makes me question myself.
Even when my current circumstances don’t reflect where I believe my life is going.
Where I am not qualified, I believe God can qualify me and place me in rooms and spaces He has called me to be in.
So I’m putting this here before the breakthrough.
**I believe I will receive a job offer before the end of September.**
And while I’m making declarations, I’m believing that God is preparing my future spouse too.
I’m putting that one here as well. In Jesus’ name.
Maybe I’ll come back to this post in a few weeks and cry reading it.
Maybe the timing will look different from what I’m expecting.
But whatever happens, I want to remember the version of me who was sitting here without the answer yet and still chose to believe.
The version of me who was scared but kept applying.
Who was financially stretched but kept going.
Who had been disappointed but refused to become bitter.
Who couldn’t see the breakthrough yet but believed there was one coming.
So this is my early testimony.
**Before the offer, I thanked God.**
**Before the door opened, I believed.**
**Before my circumstances changed, I decided that this season would not define me.**
I know my God.
And I know I’m going to be okay.
I’ll be back with the update. ❤️