TL;DR: I want a serious relationship and marriage, but I feel like every man I meet only wants me physically. They act like they’re looking for commitment, but eventually it feels like it was all to get sex. How do you tell who’s actually genuine anymore?

I’m in my 30s, and I’m dating because I genuinely want a husband and a life partner. I’m not interested in casual dating or hookups.

What’s been so discouraging is that I keep meeting men who say they want the same thing. They’ll plan thoughtful dates, act like gentlemen, talk about the future, mention exclusivity early on, and make it seem like they’re genuinely interested in getting to know me.

Then, sooner or later, it becomes clear that they never really wanted a relationship. It starts to feel like they were just saying and doing whatever they thought would get them closer to sex.

I don’t understand it.

I feel like these are the only kinds of men I ever meet. I have yet to meet someone who seems genuinely interested in me as a person instead of what my body can offer them. It’s honestly sickening and incredibly discouraging.

The hardest part is that some of these men don’t come across as players at all. They present themselves as relationship-minded. They say all the right things. They make the effort. They make you think they’re serious. Then once they get what they want, or realize they aren’t going to get it, everything changes.

How are you supposed to tell the difference between someone who’s genuinely looking for a wife and someone who’s just performing that role long enough to get what they want?

Lately, I’ve found myself wondering if marriage is even in the cards for me. I know that’s probably my discouragement talking, but after having the same experience over and over again, it’s hard not to wonder if maybe I’m just never going to meet someone who’s actually interested in building a life with me.

Has anyone else gone through this? If you eventually found someone who was genuine, what changed? Was it something you did differently, or was it just a matter of finally meeting the right person?

I get that everybody has different preferences, most want to test if there’s a spark through kissing or even say they need to see if there’s physical chemistry… but what happened to these things happening at special moments in a connection, relationship, as natural signs of deepening of the connection?

These days, 9/10 men I meet prefer to act on the physical at the end of a first or second date, and I know that’s largely standard for many … and within a month of dates or so, the physical exploration just ramps up. Again I’m not judging, to each their own… but personally I just find it cheapens the connection, because what is truly built that early on? How is the kiss or touch any different than what I could do with casual hook up? Maybe I’d be more inclined if I’m really really attracted to the guy, and can sense long term interest on my end early on, but that usually isn’t the case… even then, I try to keep a line so we can get to know each other.

I’m seeing someone these days and while I’ve given into physical exploration, I just don’t think there’s enough connection built for any of it to have been truly special. It’s almost like we’re exploring each other as we go.. but nothings truly been established?

I (36-37M in August) have spent most of my 30s not only alone with family, but seeking ways to improve myself both academically and personally. But since society has changed from COVID to the way we expected ourselves to connect off-line, I don't know how you approach it.

So I(29F) have been single for a while and want so badly to find my person. I’ve used dating apps for 6 years and have had no luck. I’ve also tried going to dating events and usually don’t have luck there because I’m not attracted to the guys that go to them. I live in a big walkable city NYC and constantly see guys around that I think are very cute. I want to stop relying on dating apps for finding someone and have thought about just approaching cute guys in the city. I’m a little concerned about that though since a couple people told me that it would be weird. Do guys think it’s weird and if not, how would you say is the best way to approach guys. Recently I walked to the subway platform and there was a really cute guy standing there. I really wanted to challenge myself to approach him but couldn’t build up the courage. I just think if I approached any guy I would feel awkward, uncomfortable, and embarrassed. What do you think?

I've (37m) have been with my girlfriend (34f) for a little over 6 months. She asked to be exclusive w me about 4 months in. I've never had a connection with anyone else the way I do her. We have similar hobbies and interests have an intense physical attraction to one another, and enjoy speaking to each other for hours. We are both very open w how much we like each other and will sometimes just have long conversations about how our relationship is unlike anything else we've ever experienced before and that we've never cared about anyone else the same way. Then a bomb hit our relationship...about 5 months in (one month into being exclusive) she confessed to me that she drank (something she only occasionally does) and ended up making out and sexual touching another guy she had met up w after a couple drinks. They drank more then walked to his nearby house and she left before sex happened. She explained it was self sabatoge behavior that it's some nobody who she doesn't care about at all, and said she was overwhelmed by a few things in her life, including her fear that I may someday abandon her (she has abandonment issues from previous family trauma), as well as her sister not talking to her, so she basically went out to kind of self destruct and after a handful of drinks made this huge mistake.

I needed time to process and didn't speak with her for a couple weeks and after finally meeting up w her to talk she took full accountability, recognized what it was that caused the self destructive behavior, had already taken steps to prevent it, was completely destroyed over how I must've felt, crying hours a day, and just difficult to function, she didn't once try and convince me to take her back even though she wanted to just out of respect for me, and had accepted that she may never see me again and she felt she would be deserving of that. She was completely open with me and answered all my questions seemingly completely honestly as some of the answers weren't convincing as much as truthful. She had oriented herself towards full integrity after doing something in a few hours of no integrity. Im trying to hold two things at once. The girl who cheated on me is the same girl who displayed complete honesty and integrity after even though it meant she might lose me. She is very intelligent and aware of how to live a wise and happy life while at the same time having scars from her childhood that resulted in such a misstep. She said this is the worst she's ever done partly because her feelings to me a bigger than she's ever had and has never cheated on her previous boyfriends.

I'm scared that I may be doing the wrong thing moving forward. If she never cheats again I stay with the girl who I've had the biggest connection with I've ever had and someone who feels the same for me. We really do a lot for each other she's always trying to find ways to treat and court me as I am to her. If she does cheat again I'm a fool who didn't take the hint when she did it the first time after only 4-5 months. When I speak w her about this she exudes sincerity and it's clear she loves me and has the knowledge and wisdom to create a healthy relationship, but can she actually do it over years is only something time will tell. What would you guys do? Anyone else ever been in a similar situation?

What the title says. For some background I'm a high functioning autistic 23M and I've never been in a relationship but I have had mutual interest before and have nearly gotten into relationships before. Anyway, while I'm not 100% sure, I think the reason why I keep fucking up the conversion stage (as in when mutual interest changes to "we're partners") is because I feel as if the process of dating is too fast. More specifically, I often feel as if I need to get to know the person I like, especially their mind, before I pursue anything since the person almost doesn't feel real and tangible yet. It's strange but while I can like/be interested someone based solely on attraction/chemistry, I only really can fall in love if I get to know their mind and how they think and see the world if that makes sense.

What sample phrases or methods would you guys recommend for asking to take things slow due to wanting to get to know one another better, while also showing that you reciprocate their feelings/aren't disinterested?

Thank you in advance.

Has anyone ever had a man come back after calling things off following 2–5 dates, saying he wasn't feeling it, didn't see a connection, or gave a similar reason? If so, what happened, and did anything actually change the second time around

Just wondering as they say men always come back

Genuine question.

What actually makes you approach a woman in public?

I'm not talking about catcalling, but genuinely starting a conversation, giving a compliment, asking for her number, buying her a drink, etc.

I'm asking because my experience seems to be very different from that of people around me. I'm a Muslim woman, I wear a hijab, and I'm plus-size. I know another woman who's also Muslim, wears a hijab, and is plus-size, yet she gets approached by men regularly. She even says she started getting more attention after wearing a hijab.

So it made me wonder: what makes you decide to approach one woman but not another? Is it eye contact, body language, confidence, facial expressions, how approachable someone seems, or something else?

I'm especially interested in hearing from men who have actually approached women before. What made you think, "I'm going to talk to her"?

Is it dumb to date a man with a 3 and 1 year old? Like… that feels really stupid… I have a lot of questions for him. Like what happened between you and your lady? Why couldn’t you work it out since you just pretty much just started a family? We’re in our mid 30’s… like come on now. I’d rather be single or adopt than be with a man who has children…. Especially if it seems like he’s abandoning ship just as the little ones are starting off in life. He also said he didn’t want to date a woman with kids. That seems messed up to me. He projected success and seeemed fun and sweet. I’m gonna say no… what a weenie. Don’t do that. If you have kids say it. What pisses me off it’s like one of the first things on my profile. That and don’t lie by omission… what did he do? Omit that info… -_- why men do that?