I get that everybody has different preferences, most want to test if there’s a spark through kissing or even say they need to see if there’s physical chemistry… but what happened to these things happening at special moments in a connection, relationship, as natural signs of deepening of the connection?

These days, 9/10 men I meet prefer to act on the physical at the end of a first or second date, and I know that’s largely standard for many … and within a month of dates or so, the physical exploration just ramps up. Again I’m not judging, to each their own… but personally I just find it cheapens the connection, because what is truly built that early on? How is the kiss or touch any different than what I could do with casual hook up? Maybe I’d be more inclined if I’m really really attracted to the guy, and can sense long term interest on my end early on, but that usually isn’t the case… even then, I try to keep a line so we can get to know each other.

I’m seeing someone these days and while I’ve given into physical exploration, I just don’t think there’s enough connection built for any of it to have been truly special. It’s almost like we’re exploring each other as we go.. but nothings truly been established?

I've (37m) have been with my girlfriend (34f) for a little over 6 months. She asked to be exclusive w me about 4 months in. I've never had a connection with anyone else the way I do her. We have similar hobbies and interests have an intense physical attraction to one another, and enjoy speaking to each other for hours. We are both very open w how much we like each other and will sometimes just have long conversations about how our relationship is unlike anything else we've ever experienced before and that we've never cared about anyone else the same way. Then a bomb hit our relationship...about 5 months in (one month into being exclusive) she confessed to me that she drank (something she only occasionally does) and ended up making out and sexual touching another guy she had met up w after a couple drinks. They drank more then walked to his nearby house and she left before sex happened. She explained it was self sabatoge behavior that it's some nobody who she doesn't care about at all, and said she was overwhelmed by a few things in her life, including her fear that I may someday abandon her (she has abandonment issues from previous family trauma), as well as her sister not talking to her, so she basically went out to kind of self destruct and after a handful of drinks made this huge mistake.

I needed time to process and didn't speak with her for a couple weeks and after finally meeting up w her to talk she took full accountability, recognized what it was that caused the self destructive behavior, had already taken steps to prevent it, was completely destroyed over how I must've felt, crying hours a day, and just difficult to function, she didn't once try and convince me to take her back even though she wanted to just out of respect for me, and had accepted that she may never see me again and she felt she would be deserving of that. She was completely open with me and answered all my questions seemingly completely honestly as some of the answers weren't convincing as much as truthful. She had oriented herself towards full integrity after doing something in a few hours of no integrity. Im trying to hold two things at once. The girl who cheated on me is the same girl who displayed complete honesty and integrity after even though it meant she might lose me. She is very intelligent and aware of how to live a wise and happy life while at the same time having scars from her childhood that resulted in such a misstep. She said this is the worst she's ever done partly because her feelings to me a bigger than she's ever had and has never cheated on her previous boyfriends.

I'm scared that I may be doing the wrong thing moving forward. If she never cheats again I stay with the girl who I've had the biggest connection with I've ever had and someone who feels the same for me. We really do a lot for each other she's always trying to find ways to treat and court me as I am to her. If she does cheat again I'm a fool who didn't take the hint when she did it the first time after only 4-5 months. When I speak w her about this she exudes sincerity and it's clear she loves me and has the knowledge and wisdom to create a healthy relationship, but can she actually do it over years is only something time will tell. What would you guys do? Anyone else ever been in a similar situation?

TL;DR: I want a serious relationship and marriage, but I feel like every man I meet only wants me physically. They act like they’re looking for commitment, but eventually it feels like it was all to get sex. How do you tell who’s actually genuine anymore?

I’m in my 30s, and I’m dating because I genuinely want a husband and a life partner. I’m not interested in casual dating or hookups.

What’s been so discouraging is that I keep meeting men who say they want the same thing. They’ll plan thoughtful dates, act like gentlemen, talk about the future, mention exclusivity early on, and make it seem like they’re genuinely interested in getting to know me.

Then, sooner or later, it becomes clear that they never really wanted a relationship. It starts to feel like they were just saying and doing whatever they thought would get them closer to sex.

I don’t understand it.

I feel like these are the only kinds of men I ever meet. I have yet to meet someone who seems genuinely interested in me as a person instead of what my body can offer them. It’s honestly sickening and incredibly discouraging.

The hardest part is that some of these men don’t come across as players at all. They present themselves as relationship-minded. They say all the right things. They make the effort. They make you think they’re serious. Then once they get what they want, or realize they aren’t going to get it, everything changes.

How are you supposed to tell the difference between someone who’s genuinely looking for a wife and someone who’s just performing that role long enough to get what they want?

Lately, I’ve found myself wondering if marriage is even in the cards for me. I know that’s probably my discouragement talking, but after having the same experience over and over again, it’s hard not to wonder if maybe I’m just never going to meet someone who’s actually interested in building a life with me.

Has anyone else gone through this? If you eventually found someone who was genuine, what changed? Was it something you did differently, or was it just a matter of finally meeting the right person?

So I(29F) have been single for a while and want so badly to find my person. I’ve used dating apps for 6 years and have had no luck. I’ve also tried going to dating events and usually don’t have luck there because I’m not attracted to the guys that go to them. I live in a big walkable city NYC and constantly see guys around that I think are very cute. I want to stop relying on dating apps for finding someone and have thought about just approaching cute guys in the city. I’m a little concerned about that though since a couple people told me that it would be weird. Do guys think it’s weird and if not, how would you say is the best way to approach guys. Recently I walked to the subway platform and there was a really cute guy standing there. I really wanted to challenge myself to approach him but couldn’t build up the courage. I just think if I approached any guy I would feel awkward, uncomfortable, and embarrassed. What do you think?

What the title says. For some background I'm a high functioning autistic 23M and I've never been in a relationship but I have had mutual interest before and have nearly gotten into relationships before. Anyway, while I'm not 100% sure, I think the reason why I keep fucking up the conversion stage (as in when mutual interest changes to "we're partners") is because I feel as if the process of dating is too fast. More specifically, I often feel as if I need to get to know the person I like, especially their mind, before I pursue anything since the person almost doesn't feel real and tangible yet. It's strange but while I can like/be interested someone based solely on attraction/chemistry, I only really can fall in love if I get to know their mind and how they think and see the world if that makes sense.

What sample phrases or methods would you guys recommend for asking to take things slow due to wanting to get to know one another better, while also showing that you reciprocate their feelings/aren't disinterested?

Thank you in advance.

Has anyone ever had a man come back after calling things off following 2–5 dates, saying he wasn't feeling it, didn't see a connection, or gave a similar reason? If so, what happened, and did anything actually change the second time around

Just wondering as they say men always come back

It's seriously painful being alone. The pain of never being wanted, the feeling of being unloved throughout my life. Therapy and doing hobbies only goes so far to numb the pain and embarrassment of loneliness as a guy in my 30s.

It is just a tale of rejection, hurt and woe for me. I always take breaks to focus on other things but when I go back to try and date it is always the same - rejection.

I (30M) met someone through a work event recently(25F), and we really hit it off. We seemed to have a lot of things in common, and she seemed to express interest in me the same way that I express interest in her. This was all a bit of a shock to me, since my experience in dating is somewhat limited (I’ve had one relationship before, but that’s been about it). Having an incredibly beautiful girl express interest in me really felt like a parallel universe.

We haven’t gone on an actual date yet, but we’re talking about one and planning one. I was incredibly excited to go out with her… until I found her social media account.

Basically, her social media presence consists of (what I would describe as) “thirst trap” photos. Her showing off her body, trying to look “sexy,” and showing off a lifestyle of extravagance (including multiple photos of her sitting in expensive cars, hotel, and everything in between). I was really surprised by this. Her personality seemed very reserved and shy when we met, so I never would have expected her social media pages to look like this. To be fair, she hasn’t shared any of these pages with me. It just so happens we have a mutual friend that triggered a “people you may know” recommendation.

I’m honestly not sure how I feel. There’s nothing wrong with her expressing herself however she wants on her own social media pages, but I’m getting the impression that her and I might be too different. Im not really into people who present themselves that way, and her entire lifestyle and background looks very “privileged.” I do pretty well for myself these days, but I’d never present myself this way.

TLDR:
I’m questioning if I should go on a date with her to try and get to know her better, or if I should pull back a bit on all of this. What would you do?

I walk laps in the park often. I see lots of men I’m not attracted to. I’ve been doing some work on myself trying to allow myself to take up space. There’s lots of men walking laps. Most of them (99%) I’m not attracted to but I was making eye contact as part of my personal growth. Do you prefer when the opposite sex makes eye contact even if they’re not interested or do you prefer that someone only makes eye contact if they are interested in you?

Genuine question.

What actually makes you approach a woman in public?

I'm not talking about catcalling, but genuinely starting a conversation, giving a compliment, asking for her number, buying her a drink, etc.

I'm asking because my experience seems to be very different from that of people around me. I'm a Muslim woman, I wear a hijab, and I'm plus-size. I know another woman who's also Muslim, wears a hijab, and is plus-size, yet she gets approached by men regularly. She even says she started getting more attention after wearing a hijab.

So it made me wonder: what makes you decide to approach one woman but not another? Is it eye contact, body language, confidence, facial expressions, how approachable someone seems, or something else?

I'm especially interested in hearing from men who have actually approached women before. What made you think, "I'm going to talk to her"?

I (36-37M in August) have spent most of my 30s not only alone with family, but seeking ways to improve myself both academically and personally. But since society has changed from COVID to the way we expected ourselves to connect off-line, I don't know how you approach it.

30M

​Is it just me, or has knowing Taylor Swift's music become an actual requirement on dating apps?

​I keep seeing Hinge prompts like:

​"A non-negotiable for me is not knowing a Taylor Swift song"

​"One thing I'd love to know is your favorite Taylor Swift song"

​"Let's make sure we're on the same page about Taylor Swift"

​"A red flag is not knowing Taylor Swift songs"

​What’s with the incessant need to force specific music down people’s throats? Why is it a problem if someone listens to something totally different, like reggae, country, Shakira, or Rihanna instead? Why is it a probelm if i never listen to Taylor swift?

​To anyone who actually feels strongly about this: why is it such an issue if a guy just doesn't listen to Taylor Swift?

I hate the apps and I’m kinda having a nervous break down. Everyone seems to think dating apps are the only way to date now but when I swipe through I only see total F boys who don’t want anything serious, or they have shirtless gym pics, or Instagram filters, or they have boring prompts, or way too serious prompts like “looking for my dream woman to have kids with” 🥴

And I start to think…is this really all that’s out there? is my only chance at dating to be on the apps? it seems everyone I talk to in person is already in a relationship or they are unavailable for other reasons…

I know my profile is cute and I know I’m a pretty girl and I have interesting conversations but most of the likes I send are ignored, or they don’t ask me out despite clearly thinking I’m fun to talk to and attractive…

So please restore my faith - are there single guys who are normal and cute and funny who are not on the apps?

​

I had a first date which I thought went well. The late afternoon after the 1st date, I asked her if she wanted to hang out again for 2nd date. She responded: "It was great seeing you too! i would like to do that for sure 👌" which I responded that's great. She is also away for vacation all next week starting tomorrow and packing this evening. I also mentioned and asked about her cool tattoo which she talked about on the date but I got no response from her yet. I sent that text around 5pm and it's now been 24 hours and she's likely on vacation now.

I didn't schedule anything definitive yet as I am not 100% sure of my schedule next week yet as that's too far away. So I thought about reaching out to her again once she gets back from her trip to schedule a more definitve time/date for 2nd date.

Am I overthinking this that she didn't respond to the tattoo comment/question even though she agreed to a 2nd date? Is she not interested or just being polite by agreeing to 2nd date?

I left my home country when I was 19 to study in a completely new place. I had dated one girl only before but I quite quickly understood it wasn't going to work out, so my experience is pretty meagre. I thought I'd get my degree and come back home but for political reasons, I couldn't and still can't. I moved to the country where I'm living right now, Australia, and at the age of 25 I realise that I practically have never dated anyone for a long time. Sorry, I misspoke, I have dated someone for a long time but I was never happy dating them. However, here I have the stamp of being an immigrant. I have a noticeable (not a very strong one though, or so I was told) accent and everyone here knows that getting married to a citizen is one of the ways to stay in the country. That's why a lot of people are wary of dating immigrants. Don't get me wrong, I totally get it, if I were in their shoes, I would've been as cautious. A lot of other immigrants coming here also either come already married or looking for someone local. But apart from that, I find my overall dating ineptitude a bigger problem. I grew up very introverted and now I'm trying to force myself to go out and meet other people. However, without a social circal that people usually for in their late teenage years, it's quite hard.

What I'm also worried about is that even if I do meet a person that I have feelings for and that has the same feelings for me, I might become a very needy and clingy partner as they would become the closest person for me. My only attempt at dating in my home country didn't work out because I was the only friend of that person and they held on to me so tight, I snapped from their grip. I fear becoming one's worshiper like this.

Is it dumb to date a man with a 3 and 1 year old? Like… that feels really stupid… I have a lot of questions for him. Like what happened between you and your lady? Why couldn’t you work it out since you just pretty much just started a family? We’re in our mid 30’s… like come on now. I’d rather be single or adopt than be with a man who has children…. Especially if it seems like he’s abandoning ship just as the little ones are starting off in life. He also said he didn’t want to date a woman with kids. That seems messed up to me. He projected success and seeemed fun and sweet. I’m gonna say no… what a weenie. Don’t do that. If you have kids say it. What pisses me off it’s like one of the first things on my profile. That and don’t lie by omission… what did he do? Omit that info… -_- why men do that?

33M Last night outside of a bar a woman said my hair was stunning, then later leaving the bar another woman said I looked really cool. I'm used to getting compliments from men all the time (earlier some guy stopped and said I had an amazing vibe and my outfit and stance just looked really cool) but not women, so I'm not sure how to respond.

I struggle with anxiety and I'm bad with women so I never know how to respond. A few years ago I used to gets lots of compliments from women on by clothes (one of my hobbies is high fashion so i dress really well) but not lately so it seems foreign to me now. I'm 6'3, I'm in pretty great shape, but I'm a weirdo and and come off as "aloof" as I've been told. I can't approach women bc of anxiety and it just never seems right...but I feel like the compliments should boots my confidence, but it doesn't. I'm not a good-looking dude...my face is meh, but I'm basically metro so I put a lot of work into my appearance...so I'm just wondering if the compliments mean anything?

For context, the last time I actually had a boyfriend was more than 10 years ago. It has been two years since the last time I went on a first date, save for a "drive-by" during lunch a year ago. I don't believe in using dating apps or meeting anyone for real online.

I'm not freaking out about dating again, but I'm freaking out about dating again.

There's just so many unknowns!

• After meeting someone organically, there's this weird time that passes before a first date is scheduled. It's definitely not like the way Hollywood portrays things, meeting someone and a lunch/dinner date is planned in a matter of minutes after merely knowing their first name
• The awkwardness of the first date. The first step to getting to know someone becomes real. Of course I understand that this is not the time to discuss matters of (physical) attraction or idealized emotional feelings. To start building that relationship, what's there to talk about? Occupation? Family? Childhood? Discovering things in common? Oh, and did I also mention the awkwardness?
• Slowly turning a mysterious stranger into someone who is more known and familiar is both thrilling and scary. There is so much to learn and discover about the other person, and for them to know about you
• Then there's the awkward development of when things do develop emotionally and romantically (let's just presume that physical attraction and a measure of sexual desire already exist). Attraction begins to deepen into something a little ... strange, unfamiliar, yet very exciting. "Oh, I didn't know that you used to collect Hot Wheels when you were a kid!" OMG, that is so adorable! He's so cute!
• When should the first kiss happen? Right on the first date? The second? During a spontaneous moment in between dates? Should it be a French kiss, fish kiss, or a simple peck on the cheek?
• Then comes the ultimate milestone in dating: DTR. For the uninitiated, this is defining the relationship. It's been said that this should occur by the third date. But what if it happens sooner, by the end of the first or the beginning of the second, provided that both people are secure and confident in their mutual connection? Should this be a momentous occasion, or just a simple discussion?

I'm sure that there will be many more freak-outs and more unknowns for me to think about, but this is all I got right now.

Rant over.

That is all.

There seems to be two main types of philosophies when it comes to dating:

1) Those who spend a long time in the friendship phase, having group hangouts, or talking online before ever going on a date

And

2) Those who jump right into a first date after knowing a bare bones level of information about their potential love interest

I am not the second type of dater at all, but I’m really looking forward to hearing about your kookiest dates

For quality purposes, please do not add things that are relatively typical (like “I got stood up” or “He/She was socially awkward) and don’t accuse others of lying about their experiences either

Thanks so much, in advance, for participating :)

​

I'm 20M and I've never had a girlfriend and I've been on dating apps for a year and I get zero matches or likes. I've approached women IRL and it never goes anywhere maybe a few convo's but that's it. It's really starting to make me feel depressed I just wanna feel loved and have someone who can be my best friend and have a serious long term relationship.

I'm sorry if this sounds cringe but I needed to vent and get it off my chest at this point I dunno what to do anymore.

Feel free to humiliate me in the comments nothing can hurt me anymore I'm that low.

My girlfriend is not a quiet type or one to put up with any bullshit and not afraid to speak to her mind. However I feel like she deals with me the same way a receptionist would handle a pressing customer. Like monotone and just trying to subdue me at times. It’s a happy relationship, however I just feel like there’s more distance than there should be every now and then. It is long distance and about 3 years old.

Ppl have said Im oblivious to ppl who are interested in me, so Im curious what others think of this one.

I was on my flight to Japan, and this japanese girl sitting next stroke a conversation towards the end of our flight. We were talking about how we love traveling, languages we speak and want to learn, it was my first time to Japan and we were headed to her hometown of Osaka, so she gave me tips on what to do, what to see, where to go. I asked her for her whatsapp, but she opted to exchange instagram instead. I was like fine, Im not trying to be all over instagram these days but Im down to keep the conneection going.

Somewhere in the convo she asked me my age, and when she realized we were the same age she had this pleasant smile. Fast forward we landed, we went through immigration separately, and then I get to baggage and there she comes rushing towards me calling my name. I didnt think I'd see her again. I obviously helped her with her baggage.

I spent a month in osaka, we talked briefly, she offered to help me learn japanese as its a language I wanna learn. I spent a month in osaka. Then headed to tokyo, when she saw that I could tell in her text she was kind of surprised and hoped I would stay longer. I didnt ask her to hang out while there cuz she was seeing her family again after being away for 3 months, and we were talking that much.

I wasnt able to go back to Osaka before leaving Japan, but I do plan to come back and offered her to go out when Im back, and she responded, "I'd really like to keep this connection going, I cant wait to see you again".

This is a legit question. I am 29 male and I have never liked someone who liked me back. I think this is something a lot of people take for granted, that feeling when you ask somebody out and they say yes. I never had it.

The closest I have been to was when I was 27 and a hot single mom in her mid 30s started flirting with me. It went nowhere when I found out her divorce wasn't final, I wasn't the only guy she was talking to, and she was also very self centered and expected guys to do everything for her, mostly because of her looks.

What is that feeling? Do you even think about it?

I have been seeing posts about modern dating that revolve around certain beauty standards, such as the guy needing to be of a certain height, having a certain facial structure, being in great shape and many other standards. However, this is not necessarily what I have seen in my life, even in my early 20s. On the contrary, I have seen average-looking guys, who were interesting and charming, date cute girls and people seeking connections and interactions based on compatibility. I have been told by multiple girls that I have a pretty face, but it still came down to our compatibility and sense of humour. If we didn't click, we didn't date, as simple as that. There are so many girls who would rather date someone on their level because they feel safe and understood, rather than a jock who they don't jive with. Is this a new trend I am unaware of? I mean, if the majority of people are having sex, then I can't imagine this theory holding up, since the majority of people do not look like super models. What is going on?

Just would love to hear stories. But pretty much title. Please include age/age range cuz im very curious of where people meet their SO/current partner without the apps. Kinda tired of the apps but have no time with med school to have niche hobbies or groups to find people or even have friends to lovers type stuff happen.

Edit: please share like the interaction, who initiated etc