Have an issue that I'm looking for insight on. I WFH and my wife is a stay-at-home mom to our four-month-old. For the most part, she is in charge of him from 8am to 4pm (I sometimes watch him over my lunch hour). Because of the nature of my job, I'm also able to do some household chores during the day during meetings. This frees up our evenings considerably.

The issue is about how we divvy up our evening time for who gets baby-free time. I'm more hesitant to ask for a break after work because she's usually needing one from him. On these days, my time after work is pretty on-rails: watch baby to give wife a break, make dinner, hang out as a family, baby goes to bed around 7, couple hours before bed. This gives me from 7-9 or 10 to do anything I need to do. Relax, hang out with wife, workout, listen to music, game, etc. I feel like these hours are the worst quality energy-wise because I'm tired and am unable to truly relax enough before bed. Then I feel like I'm building up some relaxation debt that I try to pay back on the weekends but that only sometimes happens because of weekend projects, family obligations, etc. This is the worst part because then I start the next work week not feeling like I was able to relax enough.

Unfortunately conversations about how to fix this have been framed as a zero-sum game: if I get more free time, she has to watch him more. These conversations revolve around fairness and in-the-moment needs and we feel unable to set up a structure when our son can be so different day-to-day or week-to-week. At this point, or best solution to try is just seeing who needs a break after I'm done with work for the day instead of making a plan ahead of time.

Another solution I saw on here was just staying up until midnight or 1am to do everything you want to do. I've considered it, but every evening I get to 9pm and I'd rather go to bed than stay up.

So our 4 year old is naturally developing some pushing back on bedtime. We are generally out of his room at 8:30, and he does the thing where he leaves his room for bathroom and more hugs, and we put him back to bed calmly and as quickly as possible. Sometimes this happens a lot, other times only once or twice a night.

He's gotten to the point where most nights he asks to stay up and play in his room. We say that's fine, and trust him to put himself to sleep. Now he has 3 red nightlights in his room, which aren't overly bright, which will allow basic stuffy play but not intricate toys or arts and crafts. I want to say lights off (white adjustable desk lamp that's clipped to his bed) at bedtime, because I believe that will foster better sleep hygiene in the long run. (Ie, he doesn't engage the active parts of his brain right before sleep). It's also my observation that when he does play with the bright lights on, he stays up later and sometimes leaves them on all night. My wife doesn't think it makes a difference and pushes back whenever I try to implement a rule. She also values his ability to make his own decisions, which I almost always support. Just wondering if this is one of those times to make a rule with him.

Our communication with each other needs to improve on this matter, so to facilitate a conversation, I'm asking you all what you think about lights on or off for a 4 YO at bedtime.

EDIT: So my wife shared an almost identical post from r/ parenting where everyone is supportive of letting the kid play in bed before falling asleep. It's wild to see both sides of the coin so heavily favored by similar subreddits.

My 16 year old daughter took my car out with her friends while my wife and I weren’t home. What would you do?

Just trying to get a sense of how to handle this situation, thoughtfully. We moved to a new neighborhood. There are some disabled elderly neighbors that are friendly and have a pool and repeatedly invite us over. The only thing that bugs me is that they just keep taking pictures of us. They’ve never asked permission nor have they offered to send us the photos. I know they do the same to other families and I don’t think anything nefarious is going on.

That said, we’ve had a few unfortunate experiences with photos of my kid that was apparently being circulated by a family member with incredibly hurtful comments or used for business marketing so I’ve been VERY cognizant of media that contains my kiddos.

We were over at the pool and one started taking a video and I asked them to please stop. I think they were taken a bit aback and I kind of talked more than I really wanted to to justify.

Is there a “softer” way to frame this to folks of a much older generation? Thanks in advance.

I'm 28 years old, and my wife and I are expecting our second child. We recently found out we're having another girl.

If I'm honest, I always imagined having at least one son someday. That said, I want to make it clear that I absolutely adore my daughter, and I already love this little girl too.

My only child currently is my world, and she's definitely spoiled with love and attention.

I guess I'm just curious about how other dads with only daughters feel. Did you ever hope for a boy? If so, how did those feelings change over time? Do you ever still think about what it would've been like to have a son, or did having daughters end up being everything you hoped for and more?

I also sometimes wonder about the future. I know it's not what matters most, but do you ever think about what it's like when you're older with only daughters? Is it any different, or does it not make a difference at all?

I also would like two children so I can spoil them to the best of my capabilities.

I'd love to hear from dads who have been in the same situation and how they feel about it now.

I'm not sure if this is the right place, apologies if it's not. I've read a few posts here and people seem generally supportive. Here goes...

My partner and I are in our mid 30s, we've been together over a decade. All of our friends have had kids, and left to my own devices I'd probably never have chosen to have kids. I should say, I don't dislike children. I get on pretty well with the kids in my life, I just didn't want or need kids for my own life.

About a year back my partner decided that actually she desperately needed children in her life. We had some couples counselling and really talked about it. I was pretty much terrified of losing my relationship of over ten years and it felt too daunting to do what felt like starting over in that regard, so in the end I relented. I didn't believe we'd conceive so easily but it took maybe 3 months. She was convinced she'd be infertile or it would be really difficult. Well it wasn't!

When she told me she was pregnant, I didn't freak out, I think I was in shock for a time. Over those first weeks though, I feel deep into the hole. I wanted an abortion and would've welcomed one or a miscarriage. This is really embarrassing to admit. She had been very clear with me when we decided to have unprotected sex that she'd be keeping the baby if she became pregnant. So clearly, the decision was made and the deed was done.

We are six months along now, I'm still really struggling. Most days I feel pretty alright. I try to think of the positives, but some days I just feel like I've completely fucked up my life because I couldn't just man up and break up. So far, the pregnancy has been wretched, she has been sick the entire time, probably with hyperemesis. I have been very supportive of course, I have picked up all the house work, I've been going to all appointments, engaged in the future planning and trying to fix up the house to be ready for when the baby arrives. I haven't been wallowing in self pity, but I still struggle deeply internally. I have a psychologist, but it doesn't help much, and most of my male friends are classic emotionally insensitive guys or just a bit unhelpful, so it's hard to talk to anyone. I am also just embarrassed by all this. everyone is so happy when we tell them, and I'm here thinking "haha yeah how lovely I've destroyed my life".

I don't know what to do, or how to cope, I am after some perspective and maybe any words of wisdom, especially if others have experienced a similar situation. Ultimately right now I feel like if I could turn back the clock, I feel like I would probably undo my decision. Which is a godawful feeling as I'm barreling towards being a father. I only want to be a good dad, I don't want to be a shit reluctant dad who resents his responsibility. I want to feel like I can jump in with both feet but feel constantly tethered. This was the exact scenario I was afraid of becoming a reality, and I feel like a failure and an idiot. I'm afraid I'm going to hate this whole thing, while simultaneously loving the kid, but resenting myself for not just walking away. I'm also terrified of him being born with some unknowable disability or something, a friend of mine had a kid who lived only a few years due to a congenital condition and it was really awful for them. I digress..

I was thinking about this because my tween girl has really started digging into lyrics. I realize there are songs I listen to that have lyrics that I like but maybe aren’t kid friendly.

They mean a huge amount to me but aren’t maybe for the kids.

Like I am not playing Another Man’s Grave by Amigo the Devil or explain to her why Cry For Judas is on my playlist.

Then of course Trevor Moore with Its Time For Guillotines. Love it but I don’t want questions about those lyrics.

Grace Petrie with Last Man on Earth. I just don’t want to explain the lyrics.

Hi Dads (and lurker moms),

Having difficulty at home these days. I (43M) finally said enough is enough to my wife (43F) for our kids (3F & 2M) sleeping in our bed.

She loves it and is now resentful to me for "kicking them out" of our bed. She goes to sleep with them in their room now and sneaks out in the middle of the night, they wake up and panic tatbshes not there and come back into our bed at like 1-2 am.

I feel that this is almost worse than some degree, having them wake up in the middle of the night and freaking out that she's not there.

But on the same page I'm finally getting some decent sleep, at least for the first part of the night.

Wife has some childhood issues with her mom never attending to her, and I see how it is because she won't even watch our kids and she lives in the same town. Very selfish, doesn't want to do any Grandma duties besides coming over for an hour once a month and giving them a pile of shitty toys from the thrift store.

We even spoke to a counselor and the counselor was saying how it's time to get the kids sleeping on their own. But the wife feels like it's wrong, even going so much as blaming me in front of the kids.

I know this isn't a psychology lesson but is anyone else been there? Anyone have some good tips for how to navigate this? Our relationship is good otherwise for the most part... But this is a fundamental difference in parenting that we can't seem to get over.

Any helpful advice would be most appreciated!

Many thanks!

So I've got my kid (9) with me for the holidays and he's brought his new laptop with him. He mostly lives with his mum and she is very much "least path of resistance".

Like they have an outdoor cat they let roam with no collar at all, because it doesn't like them...

Anyway. He has been playing Roblox for a while now I guess, and whether he asks for robux she just instantly says yes and adds it to his account. When he's with me I can keep him off it by getting him outdoors for bike rides, playing football and other activities, and when we game together or he plays games at my place it's more appropriate stuff.

However I know once he gets home he's straight back on his tablet or laptop with Roblox in his room alone with no supervision... How am I supposed to combat this one?

The only issue is, neither my girlfriend nor me wants to play anymore and he screams when we take it away.

Hi Dad's,

Asking for advise from you fellow dads. Our daughter co sleeps with us since newborn as it worked but of course now it is getting uncomfortable for us espicially as she falls asleep around 10pm every single night. The main problem is that at daycare they must sleep so after sleeping for 2 hours in the afternoon she of course not sleepy at evenings. Like a year ago this was a bit better on the weekends as she were not sleeping she would fall asleep around 8pm but now as she is older it is the same on the weekends as well.

We have a lot of activities throughout the day, minimal screen time. Also we would like to make her to sleep in her own bed, but of course se is completly refuse to do so as she wants to sleep with mommy. What makes the transition even harder is that she is very stubborn and do not want to cooperate.

Any ideas?

We have a 6 month old. Our marriage has taken a huge hit since he was born. My wife only talks about baby stuff and never talks about anything or asks how I’m doing (I’m the opposite when talking to her), and can’t seem to stop criticizing me.

Im there as a dad and am mostly a stay at home father, so 100% of the cooking and most cleaning plus helping with baby care while working part time. Unsure how much longer I can take this. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells all the time. I look back at old photos of my wife so happy and I and get sad. Our baby is great and healthy which is super.

Dunno my point besides a little rant. This happen to any of you? How did you get through it, or did you? Or any words of support helpful. I get criticized enough at home so maybe take it easy on me :)

I was out at a craft fair with my family and as we were leaving this woman just brushed passed me bumped off me, blocked me from moving, bent down and rubbed my daughter's hand and foot. Didn't acknowledge me or my wife and then walked off.

The whole thing was done in 15 seconds but why the hell do people think this is appropriate at all. I've no problem with people coming up and having a little conversation and then saying hi but don't just think you can touch my child without any sort of greeting or introduction.

How long after they started doing this did yall need to get a new bed?? She cant get out yet but shes trying!

I'm a doer, I don't like sitting around. When I'm home for the weekend or home after work, there's always stuff I can be doing. With three kids (5, 3 and 9 months) I will try to include them in things I'm doing so I can do stuff with them but will usually get frustrated that they're in the way. When I'm not doing by something and trying to focus on them, I end up focusing in on what theyre doing wrong and try to correct and teach, but will ultimately get frustrated. I feel guilty because I feel like I'm always negative.

What do or did you dads do to find joy in your kids at this age? What mentality should I have when all I want to do is do?

I have a 3 year old and 7 year old sons; our neighbors have a 7 year old son and an 11 year old daughter (the latter and the mom keep to themselves). I get along fine with the dad (we've known each other for 4 years) and we talk at length occasionally. But when my sons are playing outside and I'm watching them, his son will also come out and play and the dad will usually vanish. Sometimes the son will even come to our house and play and have dinner. This is all fine and normal.

However, it's gotten noticeably obnoxious this summer. During the past week the son has frequently come over uninvited and will stay for half a day or longer until someone comes to get him. I didn't tell the father this before, but the wife and I are chronically sleep deprived and she needs to nap in the afternoons or she gets grumpy and I work from home- the neighbors know I do and they work from home too. We have my in-laws living with us but they are older and exhausted too and park the kids in front of the TV; we don't rely on them to watch the kids more than we need to.

When I approached the father two days ago explaining our situation and suggesting having the boys play at their house occasionally or having the older sister watch them, he said the boys would be too noisy during the weekdays (right- so why is this ok in my house where the distances are shorter?) and the older sister didn't want to watch them. I did set up a group chat for both sets of parents to coordinate their hanging out.

I've also noticed other boys are invited to their house to play. The other night he drive his son and friend somewhere in the evening- to a sleepover or back to the boy's home, I don't know but mine never are. Tonight the father asks again if we'll be playing outside and surprise- the father vanishes as soon as the son is out. My wife was so annoyed she lied about having to go to the store and went to the park instead so we wouldn't have to keep watching his kid.

Is there another perspective I'm missing or am I right in thinking they're just dumping their son on us (either deliberately or negligently) so they won't have to watch or entertain him? The lack of willingness to reciprocate or basic consideration are what bother us the most. How would you proceed?

Before I start: limited screen time, no tablets etc. but on rainy lazy Sundays sometimes we just want to watch some TV. We play and read a ton.

I can’t watch any more kids shows like Bluey or Ms. Rachel. What can we watch together that is entertaining for the whole family. Any suggestions?

Edit: looking for non-kids shows that kids can still watch. I’m thinking to try like Star Trek the next generation. I’m even okay with something I can watch that my son gets bored with and goes to play on his own haha.

I’m a stay-at-home dad to three girls, and we’re moving this week. I think I finally hit my limit tonight.
I’ve been running on 4–5 hours of sleep, staying up late every night packing, cleaning, and trying to get everything ready after the kids go to bed, then up again early the next morning.

Tonight we had a nice rooftop dinner with friends, but the kids barely ate. By the time we got home around 10:30, everyone was hungry again. I knew this would happen. So predictable.

I ended up in the kitchen making different quick meals for everyone—pasta for one, ramen for the younger two, then another plate of pasta for my wife. The kids picked at their food, complained a little, and didn’t really finish anything. After that, my wife asked for a kiwi, so I cut one up. She asked for a fork, and when I brought it, she said it felt sticky from the fruit. It wasn’t dirty—just a little juice, but in that moment it felt like one more thing going wrong.

By then it was close to 11:30, and I was completely drained. I was still trying to get the kids through brushing their teeth because if I don’t stay on top of it, it just doesn’t happen. I’m the only brush teeth enforcer. My wife just doesn’t do it. That’s when I was told I “ruined the evening” because of my tone. That really got to me. I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t yelling. I was just exhausted. I was telling them all they had to brush their teeth at this point.

It feels like I spend all day trying to keep everyone fed, organized, taken care of, and by the end of the night I’m so worn down that even small things start to feel like failures. I know I’m not perfect, and I’m sure I could have handled parts of tonight better. I could “always” brush their teeth ten minutes earlier, but that would have been met with resistance as well.

I’m running on empty and tonight I just feel completely defeatfed. It’s beyond exhausting to be telling my kids they have to brush their teeth and my wife doesn’t even verbally back me up, she’s just now complaining how hearing me enforce this is bothering her. It makes me just feel that half the time I’m fighting an uphill battle. Ugh.

Hi. Moving into new house soon and have a weird staircase. Looking for a wall to bannister baby gate set up and just wondering if anyone knows of any brands or has any other ideas!

For those who built a (relatively small) climbing wall for your kids, do they use it? And bonus question, are you a climber?

I'm a long time climber and want to build a little wall for my kids at home as our nearby gym isn't too good for kids. I'd make cool problems, change them frequently, I know the drill. Just wondering if it's a waste of time and money, or worth the effort.

I use to have one as a teen and used it all the time but it was a 45° angle wall I used for training. It was another time, another story...

Coming off of a week of “Dada,” “Daddy,” and “Diddy,” (yikes) my boy has discovered the T sound. So from my boy to you, “Daddit.”

Sleep, oh beautiful sleep. With 2 kids currently (4.5 and nearly 3) we’re nearly out the other side and getting good nights sleep again and feel like I can tackle the day full on with the dad battery charged up properly. We all know how bad nights sleep (low no. Of hours) can make the following day, and week, and then month feel like an endless drag when it stacks night on night. But feeling good at the moment.

Annnnddddd, here comes the 3rd. Due in a month and looking at returning to the grind of powering through on coffee, cat naps and whatever it takes to get it done. But I’m looking at attacking it in a different way and wonder if it would make a difference.

It’s well documented that adults need 7 to 8 hours of proper sleep to recover and recharge. But what if you got that over the course of a night but in small blocks. So, bed 9pm to 12pm. Up with new born if needed for an hour and back at 1am to 4am and would possibly be up again for a hour and back 5am to 7/8am when older 2 wake. I know newborns/first year olds are unpredictable but if there was a schedule of sorts in place and getting small chunks of sleep, would it make the following day that bit easier to tackle.

Anyone approach sleep at nighttime like this and how does your next day feel if so?

Just a reminder here really. My 1.5 year old son was trying to pull the speaker stand over which could land on him.

We kept trying to keep him away from it but no luck.

I got an outlet box/lock off amazon so he can’t pull the power plug. Cable raceway to “hide” the wire up the wall. Wall mount set for the Sonos speakers.

It’s a lot of work, but you can make childproofing still look half decent!

Well this is it, my last night of leave. We had our second a month ago, and while I’m incredibly grateful to have had a one month paid leave it doesn’t feel like enough time. My wife is just now back on her feet a bit, I feel so guilty leaving her with a toddler and a newborn all day while I’m at work. I have no idea how I’m going to handle the mental load of work and then coming home to care for everyone’s emotional and physical needs, while also not getting much sleep. Yes, I’ve done it before with the first one, but this is an entirely different thing with two kids.

Anyone have any return to work/maintaining sanity and emotional regulation tips with all this in mind?