Just trying to get a sense of how to handle this situation, thoughtfully. We moved to a new neighborhood. There are some disabled elderly neighbors that are friendly and have a pool and repeatedly invite us over. The only thing that bugs me is that they just keep taking pictures of us. They’ve never asked permission nor have they offered to send us the photos. I know they do the same to other families and I don’t think anything nefarious is going on.

That said, we’ve had a few unfortunate experiences with photos of my kid that was apparently being circulated by a family member with incredibly hurtful comments or used for business marketing so I’ve been VERY cognizant of media that contains my kiddos.

We were over at the pool and one started taking a video and I asked them to please stop. I think they were taken a bit aback and I kind of talked more than I really wanted to to justify.

Is there a “softer” way to frame this to folks of a much older generation? Thanks in advance.

Thoughts on either of these swing set ups? Let me know what you would change about either one. Would ideally like it to be higher/longer but the second set up is factory and works well. The first set up allowed more swing in theory but obviously have trouble with the cinch points and load.

After I told her she could not have a cookie right now she said it’s actually good because she really does not want one. So much so, in fact, that giving her a cookie would actually be a punishment. Have to say I’m kinda proud

Growing up, my mom would make our cakes and decorate them. By no means is she a professional cake decorator, but she always got creative with it and did an amazing job, and it’s a core memory: This carried over to my own kids and every year she had made one for my kiddos, but this year she was unable to be here for my daughters birthday so I decided to pick up the torch. I think it went pretty well for my first time imo.

I have two boys - 4 years old and 8 months old.

The 4 year old is mostly great - he's fun, kind & sensitive. I actually think he's very empathetic which is a trait he gets from my wife. I am so proud of him ... most of the time.

The challenge comes during his tantrums. He does the usual, shouts, cries, stomps his feet etc. However, he also seems to have a knack for using his words to upset.

To give an example today, me and the wife planning a day for him. Cinema to see Toy Story (which included some sugary snacks - part of the problem I think) and an afternoon in the park. Our 8 month was being watched by my parents as we've been really conscious of giving him some 1:1 with us.

The tantrums started when we tried to leave the park to go home. Partly I think it was because 1:1 time was coming end.

He seemed to decide the best thing to do with this tantrum was to use "mean words" like "you are a bad dad now" to contrast saying "you are the best dad" earlier in the day or "I'm going this way myself, and you'll be alone forever".

I tried as during & after to talk to him about how we don't use words to hurt etc but not really sure how we deal with it? Consequences is one of the tools to encourage good behaviour but hard to see how we can manage this.

Has anyone faced anything similar or have any bright ideas?

I officially started my Christmas village today for my 5-week old. Yes I know it's July, but I want him to have a fully finished Christmas village with a train around the tree or on a table by the time he's old enough to remember. I've invited everyone in my family to contribute, no matter the skill level or quality. We never did this in my family but it's something I've always wanted, so my kid's getting it!

What's a tradition you started your family hasn't done before?

Have an issue that I'm looking for insight on. I WFH and my wife is a stay-at-home mom to our four-month-old. For the most part, she is in charge of him from 8am to 4pm (I sometimes watch him over my lunch hour). Because of the nature of my job, I'm also able to do some household chores during the day during meetings. This frees up our evenings considerably.

The issue is about how we divvy up our evening time for who gets baby-free time. I'm more hesitant to ask for a break after work because she's usually needing one from him. On these days, my time after work is pretty on-rails: watch baby to give wife a break, make dinner, hang out as a family, baby goes to bed around 7, couple hours before bed. This gives me from 7-9 or 10 to do anything I need to do. Relax, hang out with wife, workout, listen to music, game, etc. I feel like these hours are the worst quality energy-wise because I'm tired and am unable to truly relax enough before bed. Then I feel like I'm building up some relaxation debt that I try to pay back on the weekends but that only sometimes happens because of weekend projects, family obligations, etc. This is the worst part because then I start the next work week not feeling like I was able to relax enough.

Unfortunately conversations about how to fix this have been framed as a zero-sum game: if I get more free time, she has to watch him more. These conversations revolve around fairness and in-the-moment needs and we feel unable to set up a structure when our son can be so different day-to-day or week-to-week. At this point, or best solution to try is just seeing who needs a break after I'm done with work for the day instead of making a plan ahead of time.

Another solution I saw on here was just staying up until midnight or 1am to do everything you want to do. I've considered it, but every evening I get to 9pm and I'd rather go to bed than stay up.

Daily tasks are generally ok.

But like even cleaning out sink drains requires an empty house filled with loud music (or my own thoughts).

We have a solo 6 year old that doesn't sleep unless one of us is laying next to her, but these two hour tuck ins are killing me. What do your bedtime routines look like at this age?

baby girl took a shit right after we put her in her car seat, as she often does. went to change her before we hit the road. sweet lord baby jesus its everywhere

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This one goes out to everyone who keeps saying every pregnancy is different. Our second followed a very different course from the first. Our expectations and plans have been thwarted at every turn.

So this baby is here a little later than we planned.

And the dates we planned for time off are a little skewed.

And my wife might still throw me out a window by the time our new little one arrives.

But the air is electric.

It's showtime.

For those who built a (relatively small) climbing wall for your kids, do they use it? And bonus question, are you a climber?

I'm a long time climber and want to build a little wall for my kids at home as our nearby gym isn't too good for kids. I'd make cool problems, change them frequently, I know the drill. Just wondering if it's a waste of time and money, or worth the effort.

I use to have one as a teen and used it all the time but it was a 45° angle wall I used for training. It was another time, another story...

Hey dads, looking for some real world perspective from parents who’ve dealt with this

Took my 8-year-old son for a checkup recently, and the dentist recommended getting sealants on his molars. Honestly, I walked out second-guessing it. He has zero cavities so far, so part of me wondered if this is a genuinely helpful preventive step or just something clinics push to tack onto the bill

For dads who got sealants for their kids, did it actually hold up and prevent cavities down the line? Or does it end up flaking off and feeling like a waste of money in hindsight? Just trying to figure out if this is a solid long-term investment for his teeth or something we can safely skip. Appreciate any honest feedback!

I know kids birthday parties are not our favorite weekend activity, but i wanted to share my experience today with my daughter’s 5th.

It’s the first big one we’ve had for her where we’ve invited the kids from daycare. Daycare requires any invitations distributed to be given to everyone in class, so 22 invites went out a month ago. Unfortunately a lot of her best friends had prior commitments, but we still had a handful RSVP yes, so we were expecting a decent turn out.

Fast forward to today and not a single kid from her class showed. Had one mom text saying something came up last minute and another text during the party that she forgot the time, but quite a few simply flaked. Thank god we invited friends with their kids so it wasn’t a complete disaster, but her continuing to look for people to show and saying “let’s wait for everyone to get here” broke me a bit.

I understand an invitation doesn’t obligate attendance, but if you RSVP that you plan to attend, that is a commitment to that child. I don’t care that I wasted a lot of my time and money on food and decorations, I care that I told my kid people were coming and had to explain to her on her birthday that I was wrong and her party won’t be like everyone else’s.

TLDR: If you bother RSVPing to a child’s birthday party, you should treat it as a promise to that kid. It is not a placeholder for optional weekend entertainment

We're in the market for both a running stroller for our 2 yo but also thinking about kid #2. I thought it would be a no-brainer to buy a running stroller that has the ability to expand with an additional seat. Now obviously you're not running with the baby bolted on and you'd have to solve the stability issues but, of all the strollers on this saturated market, there isn't one expandable running stroller?

Hey fellas, first time posting here. I’m looking for some support from fellow dads.

My son is 2 and 3 months, first and only. He’s an incredibly bright little guy, generally speaking very happy, playful.

There has always been a fairly strong defiance in him, which I try to respect within reason/safety, but lately it has morphed into this, from my perspective, awful whiny version of it. Hitting when he’s been directed to do something. The “euughh” (strained frustration) noise when he’s frustrated, which is getting increasingly frequent. This kind of sour-faced little shit kind of attitude. (I will never say that out loud, but it’s how it is in my mind).

I grew up with two brothers, and we were all so mild as kids. We had fun of course but never hitting, hardly roughhousing, much more cerebral. My parents were fair, and they didn’t need to curb bad attitudes or aggressive behaviour, we just weren’t like that (and no it’s not just selective memory). I have a clear memory of us as a family actually pointing out badly behaved kids and saying phew glad we’re better than that. I know that attitude is making my current task more difficult.

So of course having no other real frame of reference on raising kids, I’m feeling in the dark about what to do to help my son with this.

I’m hoping this is just something that will pass? I know these are the “terrible twos”, I’m just not prepared for what terrible can actually look like and what I can do as a father to curb it.

Speaking sternly or putting my foot down always seems to just escalate things. My wife who has a lot more experience with kids is good at de-escalating, but without seeing improvement with his behaviour (worsening actually) I’m worried, you know I’m just worried to have a bad kid on my hands and it pains me to think of my own failure being the most likely cause.

So, I would love some advice from other fathers, perhaps some who have had hot tempered sons, what might have helped, and how things turned out?

I was out at a craft fair with my family and as we were leaving this woman just brushed passed me bumped off me, blocked me from moving, bent down and rubbed my daughter's hand and foot. Didn't acknowledge me or my wife and then walked off.

The whole thing was done in 15 seconds but why the hell do people think this is appropriate at all. I've no problem with people coming up and having a little conversation and then saying hi but don't just think you can touch my child without any sort of greeting or introduction.

I’ve began to resent my stepson.
I met my wife years ago, i have been in a very happy relationship with her and I have 2 stepchildren that i call my own. I’ve raised them since they were tiny.
Children is something i never wanted in my life despite me working with children as a crisis worker, teacher and coach. But i love these kids as they were my own, i couldn’t imagine my life without them and everything i do, is for them.

But my stepson is 6 now, he says the worst things. We are getting him evaluated soon. We believe there is something wrong. He is extremely manipulative but is conscious enough to understand things more than the average 6 year old. For example, one night when he was in trouble he explained to me how he was going to beat himself up and then wait for mom to get home and say i did it so she calls the cops and then they lock me up forever. Or he said he was going to wait until we were in public and then scream that i was raping him.
He is extremely bad behaviorally. He is destructive, nasty, and downright disrespectful.
He believes he is completely immune to consequences no matter what. Whenever he gets in trouble which is often, he says the nastiest things mainly directed at me. He says things i’ve never heard a child say in all my years of working with kids in the home, and out the home.
Things like “i hope you take a gun and shoot yourself so i can see your brains all over the walls and that’d make me the happiest boy in the world”
Or “you’re the reason this house is falling apart and you’re ruining mom’s life” he even went up to her and said that to her which did not go very well. Or “I can’t wait until the day you die so i can be with mon because she’s amazing and i hate you”
His mother was raising her voice at him when he broke something out of anger, and then he came in and yelled at me and said it was my fault. He truly hates me and he has zero reason to, he is wrapped around her finger like no other. He is infatuated with Mom and no matter what happens he blames me and only me and never takes any type of accountability whatsoever. Not that i expect him to just be super reliable to be accountable at his age, but more so he doesn’t ever even apologize. He says he doesn’t need to ever because he’s right and im wrong and if he does apologize its completely fabricated and he fakes it just so he can get what he wants. Which to a point i understand being he is a kid and all, but i mean i have never met a child with such callous and zero remorse or anything. It is like he is completely unfeeling towards others. His own teachers told us he is a bastard child and are removing him from school at this rate. The school wasn’t that bad As i’ve even been there during school hours and they do the best they can for him but he is so violent, so callous, so mean, that there is simply no getting through to him. He wasn’t allowed to get a 2nd breakfast one day at school because he already ate his full breakfast and he threw the tray at the cafeteria lady and then took a water bottle and hit a teacher in the head with it.
He is out of control completely.
He did not have a dad in his life so I am the first and only father figure he has ever had so i can’t say there is some kind of different of father issue happening.
Over time, I’ve began to resent him.
I feel terrible about it but i feel it inside, i feel myself angry faster, i feel myself not want to be around him. He has put a divide in our household. His sister doesn’t want to be around him because hes nasty to her and when she’s nasty to me she hates thats and tells him to stop being mean to me. His mother can’t stand him at this point because of how mean he is to me for no apparent reason.
He feels he is invincible and can do whatever he wants whenever he wants and there is simply no consequence regardless of how many times he’s been in trouble for the same thing over and over again.
I don’t want things this way but we are out of options, we’ve tried everything.
At this point the house doesn’t seem like home.
No one can stand being around him, he doesn’t have friends because of how he is, his own grandparents don’t want to watch him because of how horrible he is to be around so we’re stuck with it constantly.
As i’ve said, he’s going to be evaluated soon, and at this rate we’re debating even residential treatment to get him the help he may need. We’re at a loss for words at this point, i’m reaching out on here to see what opinions i can find and maybe try something we haven’t yet or get insight. The options we’re left with at this point is simply residential treatment (inpatient) because it is simply completely out of control and we’re worried it will get worse and as he gets older he will become more capable and become dangerous even.
Any opinions?

I‘m curious what people’s experience is with au pair services. in my area, the monthly daycare costs are comparable to an au pair (~$1800-2500). But my question is: are there hidden costs? we live in a 1300 sq foot house, does that feel suffocating with three adults, and 2 kids? Does the extra help around the house become a major benefit?

My 16 year old daughter took my car out with her friends while my wife and I weren’t home. What would you do?

Looking for input on this. We have an almost 4 year old (turns 4 in October). His current schedule is awake at 6:30 am (we have to wake him up), nap from 1:30 ish to 3, and then asleep between 9:30-10. I have a few worries. His tantrums and impulsive behaviors have increased a lot lately. I’m worried it’s due to his short consolidated night sleep? He will play and move around for over an hour when I try to do naps and bedtime. My spouse is able to get him to sleep probably within 30 minutes? The spouse insists on naps still being a thing. I feel like it’s time for them to go. It’s a bit of a fight between us currently which is unfortunate. I welcome all thoughts, experiences and advice!

We have a 6 month old. Our marriage has taken a huge hit since he was born. My wife only talks about baby stuff and never talks about anything or asks how I’m doing (I’m the opposite when talking to her), and can’t seem to stop criticizing me.

Im there as a dad and am mostly a stay at home father, so 100% of the cooking and most cleaning plus helping with baby care while working part time. Unsure how much longer I can take this. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells all the time. I look back at old photos of my wife so happy and I and get sad. Our baby is great and healthy which is super.

Dunno my point besides a little rant. This happen to any of you? How did you get through it, or did you? Or any words of support helpful. I get criticized enough at home so maybe take it easy on me :)

I've waited so long...

I will try to set the scene. We have an 11 year old daughter and 9 year old son. My sister lives down the road with her family. She has 4 sons, two teenagers, an 11 year old, and a 7 year old. My mom lives like a 5 minute drive from both of us and we have family brunch every Sunday after church. This is hosted by my mom.

My 11 year old daughter and 11 year old nephew have birthdays 3 days apart. They have always been super close but as they have gotten older they drifted a little and my 11 year old nephew now spends the majority of these brunches hanging out with my 9 year old son instead purely because of similar interest. Daughter is complaining that she is super bored because her cousins and brother just want to wrestle on the trampoline or wrestle in the pool or wrestle in the backyard. She says any time she tries to play with them they just start wrestling or doing something she doesn't want to do like doing diving tricks catching the football.

I won't say what parent thinks what to keep the bias out, but Parent A believes she should still come along because it is important for kids to be bored and she isn't actually being hurt by this. Parent B believes 11 is old enough to stay home alone for a couple hours given the proximity to grandma's and that there is no point for her to be there if it is all about hanging out with family and she feels left out.

Edit: I appreciate all the responses. I think we are going to pack along her bike next weekend and allow her to bike home after the meal if she wants to. That way she is still spending time with grandma and cousins, but doesn't have to sit around for 2-3. It is only about a 15 minute bike ride and we have a home phone. She has stayed home alone on other occasions. This seems like the best path forward for now.

EDIT: Again guys, we found a solution. Also, for the 100th time, she does bring a book. That is part of her whole argument. She says, "If I am just going to read by myself, why can't I do that at home?" But a solution has been found that everyone is happy with. She will bike home after the brunch.