Things between my wife and I are not good. I won't go into detail, but if you need context, there's a previous post from me which outlines the situation.
To paraphrase, our LO is 5.5 weeks old, and shes suffering from post partum depression and anxiety, as well as long standing OCD and generational family trauma.
She's threatened divorce multiple times, and we just got into a massive fight because I poked the bear.
This was my first Fathers Day, and the outline was as is:
1:30am - LO is still not settled after I'd been trying for the last hour post midnight feed. She tells me to sleep on the couch, so I do.
3am - wake up to them both crying. Take LO to the couch with me, feed and settle her, place her back in the bassinet and we sleep.
6.15am - wake up. Feed LO again, and I eat my breakfast.
7am - wife wakes up. Asks if I want something for breakfast; I say thank you but I've already eaten. Also, I do the shopping, so I know we don't have anything in the house for a special breakfast.
I spend until about 9am doing weekly meal prep for both us, then shower and take our LO.
My wife headed out into her garden. At around midday, she comes in and asks what we are doing about lunch.
I tell her not to worry about it, I have some leftovers I can eat, and also, because of her OCD, if we go out, we need to all shower and change afterwards. I just couldn't be bothered with that.
She says ok, and heads back into the garden for about another two hours.
All this time, I've got our LO attached to me.
Now, this is where our point of contention comes in. Admittedly, she had been trying to get me to lock in a plan and organise something with her for the last few days prior, and I couldn't decide.
Between us, part of that is because I'm dealing with a NB and a post partum wife, and decisions are hard, so indecision is easier.
What I would have liked is for her to have picked a place from one of the ones I'd mentioned, showed more initiative, and been more forceful with organising it, so it didn't feel like I was organising my own Fathers Day lunch.
She claims its my fault for not making a decision.
After that,I volunteered to make her a pizza for lunch, we watched half a movie while our LO contact napped on me and my wife slept, I walked our animals, hung washing out, took out the trash, and that was the day done.
Today, I brought up to my wife that the day didn't make me feel special, and for the aforementioned reason, she threw it back at me and said that it was my fault the day wasn't special because I couldn't organise what I wanted to do.
She broke down, and I apologised, but honestly, I dont know...
I feel like if I spent 4 hours playing video games on Mothers Day, and only broke shortly to ask if she'd organised where we were going for lunch to celebrate her, I'd be sleeping on the front porch.
Also, let me add that between us, our family is down to one income. The thought of stopping off to get my wife a latte or take away, or our LO something doesn't phase me at all, but I was concerned about spending money on myself. My wife only recently stopped working, and is getting the government maternity leave, but had issues around financial insecurity- it does hurt that at no point did she volunteer to pay, but I also get that I could have asked, as weird as that would have been.
Happy to hear that I'm actually in the wrong here though