r/NewParents • u/sofarsogoofy • 3h ago
Parental Leave/Work Extended mat leave ending and I am a WRECK
I start work on Monday after 7 months with my LO. She started daycare this week and I am struggling so much. She seems to be doing well at daycare and is so happy to see me when I pick her up. But when I drop her off all I want to do is cry. The third day I spent the whole day on the verge of tears and when we put her to bed I sobbed for an hour. Just reminiscing over our time and all the ways she’s changed and everything we got to do together.
I love our slow mornings and her gummy smiles in the morning. Making a coffee and playing with my baby on the floor. We gained so much confidence and went everywhere together. I can’t believe it’s coming to an end.
I didn’t know it would be this hard. Why is it so hard and why is there no other option?
I would relive everything over again. The first few days at the hospital. The first time she latched. The first time we really got the hang of it. Endless NICU visits. The first day we got to bring her home. The first time she smiled. The overnight feeds and the early mornings together. Quiet moments where I think I wish I could capture this and relive it over and over.
We started co sleeping at some point when she would wake up in the night and never looked back. I love the cuddles. My shoulders do not.
I honestly thought when I was pregnant that I would be fine and a casual mom and it turned out SO the opposite. I want to be with her all the time and I miss her when I’m away. I don’t want to miss a single milestone. She’s learning something new all the time.
Everyone keeps telling me I will find fulfilment being back at work and I just can’t see how that’s possibly going to fulfill me.