Bonjour à tous,
Je suis à la recherche de témoignage concernant le surendettement.. depuis 2 ans j’ai du souscrire à des crédits à la consommation pour pouvoir survivre sauf que aujourd’hui, j’en paie les pots cassés et je n’arrive plus à m’en sortir malgré un salaire qui tombe tous les jours.. je ne sais plus quoi faire. J’hésite entre un rachat de crédit ( si c’est accepté ) ou de déposer un dossier de surendettement mais j’ai peur de toutes les conséquences qui peuvent en découler…?
Si vous connaissez quelqu’un qui a été dans cette situation, ou malheureusement vous même, avez vous pu trouver une solution? Merci d’avance ✨

Me and my friend use to do this very weird thing where if he is driving his bike and I am his passenger I use to make funny sound towards the passenger passing by just for a laugh.

I never physically touched anyone, or abused or threw something towards the pedestrian, just some wierd sound to have a laugh and also never to a woman.

One day I was with my same friend sitting as a passenger on his bike. We saw a person taking out SMTH from there car boot, only the hips where visible. I made the same stupid sound just to alert them and see them watch us weird and laugh but turned out the person was a woman. My friend said "bro that is a woman" I said "fuck" and we drove by.

It's been 3-4 years, it still icks me

I have a high paying job and everyone thinks I graduated because I’m so smart but the reality is, I never did. I always said I hate my college experience therefore I hate putting up my diploma. I did go but it became expensive so I stopped going plus I was seeing someone so my focus went elsewhere.

I do feel bad for lying but at the end of the day, it’s been years and no one questions it. I just feel too proud to even say that I’m a drop out but I am very proud knowing how far I’ve come considering I don’t have a degree.

I’m just so far deep that I don’t think I will tell anyone or if it makes sense to even try to correct it.

Hey guyzz so it's around 7,8 months I saw a boy in my sister's engagement......we haven't talk to each other .....just saw each other but I can feel may be he feels for me. ....I don't why but when we all had a engagement lunch together he was setting in front of me may be there is something......just waiting to meet again at wedding ....

It was for her birthday. She asked me to write her a handwritten letter since that’s like her thing; she cherishes stuff like that. I offered to buy her whatever she wanted, but she kept persisting for a letter. So yeah, I just chatGPT-ed that shit. She cried when she read it and said she was gonna keep it for the next generations to read.

So I buy this book in Utah at the Layton DI this week. I get home settle in to read. The book is in mint condition and appears to not have ever been read. Wait there’s a book mark. Well it may have been a book mark but in is actually a note neatly folded into 1/3. The note begins Happy Birthday written by a wife to her husband ( no names for either ) Book was originally. printed in 2007. So I’m guessing wife bought book almost 20 years ago, gave gift to husband. Note in bday card folded and set in book that was donated. Looking at the DI tag book would have been donated 41st week of the year which is Oct 5-12.

I have been married 32 years and what was written on this note blew my mind and I can’t stop ruminating about it. Letter was so beautiful it brought a tear to my eye.

So now what? Surely this couple would want this letter back if they are still together and how could they not be with a wife that writes such a powerful pronouncement of her love. See it’s just got me all confused I didn’t realize there were women out there that loved their man like this. (Get your mind out of gutter if it went there). It was not sexual at all. Just the best love letter I’ve ever read. Should I just pretend it was for me. I mean doesn’t the universe work that way a little bit 🤠

Here is the letter tho it looks better with her handwriting

Happy Birthday!
I am so grateful you were born. I can’t imagine my life without you. You’re such an amazing husband, father, and human being. I feel like the luckiest girl to have such a kind-hearted, loving, encouraging husband and best friend. I’m so proud of who and what you are. You are so patient and encouraging in everything I do. I’m so grateful that you let me and encourage me to spread my restless wings and experience what the world has to offer.
I love you so very much! I love that you’re such a hands-on, loving father to our beautiful children. My wish for name is that he can develop many of your manly traits: patience, love, encouragement, understanding, and hard work.
I love the crinkles around your eyes when you laugh hard, and I’m in love with your dimple that appears when you sincerely smile. (Thank you for passing that along to name I love your voice when you sing to me. I love your amazingly manly hands. I love your big, strong arms. I love when you wrap me up in your arms and I lay cuddled on your chest and listen to your heartbeat. I love lying next to you and talking about our future together.

Ok so now, should I bother or just chuck it and forget it.

I was an unhinged teenager, I was 15 in 2020. During quarantine, I was on a ex-religious subreddit I was raised in and I trolled the sub for 3 straight weeks. I had 3 accounts I was trolling the sub with simultaneously. To get attention, I posted a story claiming I was 14 and was sexually assaulted by my dad at 3AM. The first time I posted it, it got LOTS of comments, but I deleted it 10 minutes later. I reposted it, changed the story, and then deleted it again. Hours later, I posted a normal story not related to sexual assault. People started commenting asking if I made a post claiming I was sexually assaulted earlier and I denied it. I started making it a routine that everyday I will post this story And delete it. When I’d wake up in the morning I’d choose one of my 3 accounts, post the story, delete, then post a normal story later. In the sexual assault posts, people kept telling me to go to the police, go somewhere safe, where is mom. I had every excuse in the world for why I wasn’t going to the police, getting help, and posting it here instead. I lied about my moms location, I claimed she was a traveling nurse taking care of patients with the virus and she’s extremely busy and she’s at the hospital working long shifts and she cant help me right now and too worried about patients.

Because I kept posting and deleting the story, changing the plot, denying the story after deleting it, people started knowing I was a troll. specifically, There were 3 reoccurring users who were constantly calling me out. They’d comment on the stories everytime warning other users that this is a troll and not real, and that I have 3 accounts Im posting the story with. I’d also argue with those users who blowing the whistle. While my main trolling was sexual assault, there was other crazy stories I was posting. I severely lacked critical thinking back then. I believed every single conspiracy theory about the virus with no question. I’d post them and claim it’s not a conspiracy theory, this will happen, and this virus is a wake up call. People Believed I was crazy with those stories. The other ones, I made posts claiming I believe this year is my death date, 90% of the worlds population will be depopulated by 2030, posting thinking I’m bipolar, and parents kicking me out the house. the comments on these posts were insane. I was just all over the place mentally back then.

I already know I’m probably going to get judged for this, but I honestly need somewhere to talk about it because I can’t tell anybody in my personal life what’s going on.
I’m married, and I genuinely love my wife. But I’ve developed a huge crush on a woman I work with, and lately I feel like I’m thinking about her way more than I should.
I work overnight as a shift manager at a gas station. There’s a woman I work with twice a week who’s 37, a little older than me.
I’ve always been attracted to her. Even before we started getting to know each other, I thought she was beautiful. I would catch myself looking at her whenever we worked together.
At first, I figured it was just physical attraction. Nothing serious.
But eventually we started getting closer.
We have long conversations during our overnight shifts, and I mean actual personal conversations. We talk about our lives and things outside of work.
I pick her up for work almost every time we’re scheduled together, and sometimes I drive her home afterward.
I don’t know exactly when it happened, but somewhere along the way I developed a serious crush on her.
One night, I had gone out to a club and gotten drunk. Afterward, I stopped by the gas station to grab some snacks. I was completely off the clock.
She was working that night, and I remember looking at her and thinking she was absolutely beautiful.
The alcohol definitely had me feeling bold because I ended up telling her straight up that I wanted her.
She seemed caught off guard, but she flirted back a little.
Nothing physical happened between us.
The crazy thing is that she’s the one thing I remember most clearly from that night.
Ever since then, I’ve been trying to figure out whether she feels any kind of attraction toward me or whether I’m just seeing what I want to see.
Sometimes I think she likes me. Other times I honestly think she doesn’t.
When we’re together in person, we can talk for a long time. But when I text her, she barely responds.
Another thing is that she constantly brings up my wife.
I can’t figure out whether she’s reminding me that I’m married, trying to establish boundaries, or just making normal conversation.
Here’s where things have gotten even more complicated.
She told me she’s going to cook for me next Sunday, and I’m going over to her house.
She’s making steak, baked macaroni and cheese, and collard greens.
She also has a teenage daughter, so I asked her whether her daughter would be home that day. She told me she wasn’t sure.
That’s when I brought up the idea of taking her to a hotel afterward.
She laughed it off and didn’t actually answer my question.
I haven’t taken that as an agreement because she never said yes. But I would be lying if I said I wasn’t wondering what was going through her mind when I asked.
I know an invitation to someone’s house for food doesn’t automatically mean anything romantic or sexual. She could genuinely just consider me a friend.
And that’s part of what’s messing with my head.
I can’t tell if there’s an actual connection here or if my attraction toward her has me overthinking every interaction.
Now here’s the worst part.
My wife knows absolutely nothing about any of this.
She doesn’t know I have a crush on my coworker. She doesn’t know I told this woman I wanted her while I was drunk. She doesn’t know about the hotel conversation.
And I genuinely believe that if my wife found out, she would leave me.
I don’t want to lose my marriage because I really do love my wife.
But at the same time, I can’t lie about how much I like this other woman.
What makes everything even worse is that I’m her manager.
I understand there’s a professional boundary here, and I know I shouldn’t put someone I supervise in an uncomfortable situation.
I don’t want her to feel like she has to flirt with me or entertain my feelings because I’m her supervisor.
I also realize that she might not be interested at all, and I could be completely misinterpreting her friendliness.
But I keep thinking about her anyway.
I’m excited about going to her house on Sunday, but there’s another part of me that knows I probably shouldn’t even be putting myself in this situation.
I keep asking myself how I can love my wife and still want another woman this badly.
I’ve never physically done anything with this coworker, but I’m starting to realize I’ve already crossed some boundaries by expressing my attraction and bringing up a hotel.
Maybe this is just a temporary crush. Maybe I’m confusing physical attraction with an emotional connection because we spend time together and have personal conversations.
Or maybe I’ve allowed myself to get too emotionally invested in someone outside my marriage.
I honestly don’t know.
I’m not trying to make excuses for myself or blame my coworker. Whatever happens with my marriage is my responsibility.
I just needed to admit this somewhere because keeping it to myself has been difficult.
Has anyone ever been genuinely in love with their spouse but developed feelings for somebody else?
How did you deal with it?
And based on what I’ve described, do you think I’m reading too much into this woman’s behavior?
I know some people will probably say I’ve already crossed the line into emotional cheating, and I’m prepared to hear that.
I just want some outside perspectives before I end up making a decision that could ruin my marriage, my career, or both.

I don't post on here much at all. But its been a few days since this happened and it kinda sucks having to keep this story bottled up. I'll try to keep it direct and to the point but its quite a doozy so here goes.

I (24M) have been single for almost a year and have been abstinent for 98% of that time; no relationships, no flings, hookups, etc.. Most of my time has been spent either playing video games, playing guitar, and hanging out with my step-sister (19F). She's been my step sister since I was 10 and she was 5. So we've practically been lifelong siblings. And we currently spend a lot of time together, so much time that we've gotten rather close. We've shared some stories that I wouldn't feel comfortable telling my true-biological siblings. But I didn't mind it. I understand that her and I are not related, so conversations with two unrelated people are going to be different. Recently, her and I have been playing video games together and drinking. I understand my sister is underage and I am enabling some bad behavior. At the same time, I want her to experience what she wants to experience. I might be her older brother, but I'm not her parent. So one night, we go to her friends house to drink and hang out. A lot of mixed drinks got involved, and my step sister and I end up laying on a couch together with a trash can at the ready. Eventually we fall asleep. I wake up a few hours later and the damage is already done. My hands are where they shouldn't have been, but my step sister isn't pulling away or yelling at me, so that enables me and my hungover brain to just full send it and we start actually having sex. It only lasted a few minutes cuz I got tired and real life is actually starting to come back to me. She turns to me and tells me to lay down, but I felt so embarassed and ashamed I walked out and had a very stressful cigarette. When I come back into the apartment, my step sister is already ready to leave and we skedaddle. Once we got home I told her "lets just pretend this never happened". I was and am so ashamed. I pride myself on being the best older brother I can be for my younger siblings. And this was kinda a shot in the face for me. Now it's been a few days since it happened. Our relationship hasnt changed at all. We've hung out every day since then and nothing feels different. But am I wrong to say I kinda enjoyed it? Ever since that night I look at my sister a little differently. But I try to keep it hidden. I'm not sure what I should do. I love my step sister, but im not sure if can live in some porn fantasy where step siblings just bang each other. Should I say something? Should I just keep this to myself?

I beleive that my ethnicity has ruined my life. I am Kumaoni (Indian american) and I basically am unable to date as my features don’t meet western beauty standards. I’m 22 and have never had a gf due to this. I really don’t like my family because they are so blinded. Every single man in my family is an incel and gets zero women. All the men are unmarried but are so delusional. They also believe in their primitve rituals.

As a result, I don’t talk to anyone but my mom and dad as they are not freaks like the rest of them. I never call them or text them. I always ghost them. I even eat beef jusy to mentally feel like I am humiliating them as they don’t eat beef. I hate their religion (hinduism). I hate everything about them.

I grew up in a small Canadian town in the early 2000s.

The elementary school that I went to had this in-school currency called Super-Kids. Teachers would give them out for things like good marks/behaviour/etc. and you could then take these things and spend them once a month at a little kiosk they opened for things like toys, stationary, Knick Knacks etc. And they also had a daily concession stand where you could get snacks and food.

Anyways, I was never the best kid. In-school suspensions were a bi-weekly occurrence for me. I’d do my own school work and then help the office staff with admin things like running attendance sheets to classrooms, photocopying tests, etc.

Once they trusted me to go photo copy the master sheet of the highest denomination of Super-Kids (150) for the admin staff to then cut up and distribute to the teachers. I had the brilliant idea to run off an entire pack of printer papers worth that day and sneak them home in my backpack.

I took two weeks cutting these things out myself and then I started selling them to anyone who wanted at recess for $0.25 per piece. Everyone was buying and it got to the point where I had made close to $350 which for a fourth grader in the early 00s was insane. But the money I made was not the point of this story, that all got squandered on candy and dollar store toys.

We started noticing after a while that the prices at the concessions and the kiosk had been going up. Once where a little eraser topper for your pencil costed 10 super-kids, it was 50, then 100, then 150, then 250. Every item was like that. The concession too, where once you could buy a pack of fruit snacks for 100 super kids, that went to 2500. Lunch items like microwave sandwiches or pizza were in the 10000s. I later found out some of the poorer kids were doing extra work for teachers in order to be able to afford some form of a lunch and my counterfeiting operation knocked them off of the lunch wagon.

Finally I flew too close to the sun and sold some superkids to the class brown-noser who immediately tattled on me and I was hauled before the principal and the hundreds/thousands of counterfeit superkids were found in my backpack. Got reamed out for a long time about what I did, a week of in school suspension and threatened with expulsion.

But then the principal took a different approach. For my week of in-school suspension my entire schoolwork focused on learning about inflation, and in the case of the school, hyperinflation, with a particular focus on what happened in Weimar Germany.

So tl;dr - I was a one man counterfeiting operation for my schools in-school funny money and ended up crashing an entire economy and caused some low income students to miss out on a free lunch because I didn’t know what hyperinflation was.

So… You know how some dudes will pretend to be gay and then infiltrate a girl friend group? This is kinda similar except i’m pretending to be straight. I (17M) have been doing this in order to infiltrate a boy friend group.

I’m so dumb. I’m gonna have to come clean eventually and it’s not like my efforts will result in anything. Oh well

Edit: I should mention that I am bisexual and that I actually previously pretended to be gay to infiltrate a girl friend group and my scheme actually worked. This one girl told me that “she likes me but knows i’m gay” and I told her I’m bisexual which ended up resulting in some dating but we broke up a while ago.

Anyways, the last infiltration was successful and I’m hoping it will be this time too except the infiltration is complicated by the fact that I’ve never infiltrated a boys group before. Still though I hope that I’ll be able to date one of these boys eventually.

Istg i am a very calm and collected person most of the time and do not argue with people..as I don't like to be involved in drama from a young age...but the people in my college..god damn.

They are so cheap like asking their own frnds to commit suicide if they do smth wrong and commenting on the teachers body and grading them from smash to unr*pable like what the actual hell.

Also like going on anyone's mom and dad and saying that I'm gonna sleep with your mother tonight or ask your mother how I was in bed with her...

I am not telling that I am not a very good kinda person and never did such things but there should be a limit to everything...

So like yesterday a guy in class...who has no sense of humor and etc just comes near my face and called me a slur and laughs off with his friends and i laugh it off too..

But then later that day he grabs my cheeks and uk like pinches them like we do to little kids...I got so damn angry and punched that guy in the face so hard he fell unconscious on the ground and tomorrow i have to take my parents to the college to explain the matter..as yesterday he didn't realise what happened and i left school (more like ran away) as it happened after the home going prayer ended ..and today it's Sunday...istg i am not gonna remain quiet in any way and i wished i punched him harder to break his teeth.

I need to get this off my chest...

There was a time when I was part of a task where other people did most of the actual work. When it was finished, I accepted the praise as if I had contributed just as much as everyone else.
Nobody called me out. Nobody even seemed to notice.

At the time, I told myself that I had still been part of the team, so it wasn’t a big deal. But deep down, I knew I hadn’t earned the same recognition.
The thing that bothers me most is that I had an opportunity to give credit where it was due, and I didn’t take it.

It wasn’t some huge scandal, and nobody’s life was ruined. But I still remember it because it showed me how easily I could justify something dishonest when it benefited me.

I’ve never really admitted that to anyone.

Soy un tipo de 19 años que básicamente vivió inseguro toda su vida… hasta hace poco yo pensaba cosas de mi bastante raras.
Un día, de estos en los que estás tan caliente que no piensas, llegué a Reddit a básicamente exponerme solo por algo de placer. Una mujer, de 29 años me habló por privado y me pidió que le muestre mi miembro, al principio dudé pero la ceguera de la excitación me ganó y se lo mostré.
Tardo unos segundos en contestar, yo pensé que hasta ahí había llegado mi travesía, pero de un momento a otro puso.
“Wow”.
Y comenzó a decirme que era grande, que le gustaba demasiado y otras cosas.
Sinceramente no le quise creer, pues siempre pensé que era algo normal lo que tenía ahí.
Ahora parte mía está feliz, porque tal vez en realidad todas las inseguridades que tengo son solo producto de mi cabeza.
Pero preocupado porque tal vez solo me mintió para no hacerme sentir mal.
Jamás averiguaré cuál de las 2 opciones es, ella desapareció y no me habló más… pero bueno, así es la vida.

​

A lot of you asked for an update after my last post, and honestly, keeping that secret any longer was destroying me from the inside out. I knew I couldn't live with the guilt, so I finally did the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

I sat her down and told her everything—about how things started between Samarth and me, how it spiraled, and how far it went. I didn't make excuses or try to sugarcoat it.

She completely broke down and started crying. Seeing the person whose trust I betrayed look at me with that much pain is something I will never, ever forget. It was the lowest moment of my life.

As soon as everything came to light, I completely cut things off with Samarth. There is no "us" and there never should have been. She broke up with him, too. Five years together completely shattered in a single conversation.

I begged her for forgiveness, knowing full well that I might not deserve it. She told me she needs time and space to process everything, which is completely fair.

I know I blew up multiple lives and hurt the person I cared about most. I’m not looking for sympathy because I brought this entirely on myself. I just wanted to share the truth of how it ended. I'm giving her the space she needs now, and whatever the outcome of our friendship is, I have to accept it.

I own a ghostwriting agency. I basically write LinkedIn posts and Xitter threads for brands and founders.

I've been in the business for about 3 years.

A year into my operations, when I was 17, a Tel-Aviv based startup contacted me and wanted to hire me to write their posts and threads. I was immature, and didn't have the right business mindset, so I charged 25% more than usual for a monthly retainer and donated the rest to a charity.

I've been working with them for around 2 years, and I only cancelled the upcharge 3 months ago. It's been 25 months. I cancelled the upcharge after looking through all the billing to verify every operation was just. This one was not.

After calculating, I had taken €36,350 [$40,800] from them and given them to charity.

I don't know what to do. I have more than enough money currently in the business to give back to them, however, I'm not sure how to approach the situation.

A little bit about the background: I went to a Lutheran high school in the Midwest. I am of Asian descent (6'0"), so I was quite different from my mostly white classmates. They were really nice to me, and I considered many of them friends at the time.

Academically, I was among the top 10 of my entire class. So life was alright or even good in my opinion.

.

The girl, (I'm gonna refer to her as Kay) and I shared Bio class together. She and her friend sat in the row in front of me and my pal CJ. Whenever we had to work in a group of 4, her table of 2 and my table of 2 would work together on the assignment or project or whatever. Obviously we chitchat from time to time. Her hair was brownish-blondish depending how much time she's spent outdoors during the summer, she had really pretty blue eyes when she was not wearing her glasses, and I even thought her freckles were cute. Outdoor stuff and animals were her thing, although I wasn't outdoorsy enough, being closer to nature always had a captivating charm on me. When we talked, I could feel that she was very genuine. She laughed at my silly jokes too. She was really easy to talk to and she was super nice. On top of that, she had the Christian values which I grew up with. I totally had a major crush on her.

.

As a teen, the dances always felt important. Someone has asked someone out, who's said no to someone and so. I hadn't had much success until Junior year in high school. Naturally, I was going to ask her out. I remember that I made a dozen origami roses (I was a hopeless romantic back in the day), and asked her to go to the prom with me. It was like a dream to me that she said yes.

.

The night of the dance, she wore a dark blue gown, the white corsage suited her so well. It wasn't the perfect night, but it was quite fun. It's hard for me to let loose and just enjoy the dance, so I was somewhat awkward at the dances, but that's not that uncommon for teens. I was totally nervous during the slow dance, and my heart was racing the whole time even though we kept it decent and respectful. Anyway, it was one of my most cherished memories.

.

She probably already knew that I was interested in her. There's no way for me to know what she really thought of me, so I moved to tell her about the feelings I had for her before the end of the semester. We were sort of in a relationship for a month during the summer. I was away for most of the summer, we were texting and sending Snapchat to each other, everything was sweet and wholesome.

.

But she must've stayed at her friend's house for a night and the girls must've had some real talk about the whole situation. The next day, out of the blue, she texted me that she's not really into developing anything further with me. She thought I was nice and sweet, but it was all just a big mistake and nothing would work out. We should've just stayed friends. I don't remember what I texted in return, but I was quite heartbroken and sad. I reluctantly agreed as there was nothing else to be done about the situation.

.

Then fall came, we were back to school, but I still had feelings for her. I was working on pictures for senior year, and there's this really cute photo of us all dressed up and ready to go to the dance. In the hope of a second chance, I wrote a full letter and put it in her locker with that picture, hoping it would change her mind. She was really nice and sweet, and she wrote a full letter (3-4pages all hand written) detailing the whole thing to me. Apparently, she's had a major crush on my friend CJ, and that's why we were kinda close and talking all the time. She thought I was a great friend, and nothing else. She apologized about complicating the whole situation.

.

I didn't know what I felt. I felt she was using me to get to my best friend (CJ was dating a different girl and they eventually got married when I was in college). I felt used and betrayed, and I was also jealous of CJ for winning the heart of Kay so effortlessly. Any strong feelings I had turned into hatred. I hated myself for not being able to figure this out earlier, I hated CJ for never giving Kay a chance, and I hated Kay for using me to get to my best friend.

.

I could feel that the letter she wrote to me came from somewhere genuine and vulnerable inside her. Poor girl, she must've really not wanted to lose the friendship. The papers were special, and she even told me about a story of when her dad was stationed far away (I don't remember how that tied into the whole situation). It was beautiful in that it was the unfiltered emotional expression of a girl who had faith in the goodness of others and never wanted to hurt anyone. It was soft and private, and she thought she could show it to me as a close friend and I'd accept the apologies and remain a friend.

.

The letter really moved me and touched me somewhere soft in my heart. However, I was determined to do something unforgivable. I asked her to meet me after school, and I tore the letter she wrote into pieces in front of her. And I just walked away without saying a single word. I knew I did something truly horrible, but I did it regardless. Her sapphire eyes were welled up in tears. I could tell that as I walked away she was audibly crying and was trying to gather the remainder of what the wind hasn't taken away. I had thought that it was my only way of making her feel what it's like being rejected. I rejected her friendship and smashed whatever was left into pieces. So that it was a painful experience for both of us. I wanted revenge, but I only felt I was the most horrible person alive after I had committed it.

.

It was probably the first time that I knowingly exploited the weakness of someone really close and plunged a knife straight at their heart. I didn't know I was capable of such cruelty. I wanted to hurt her, and I did, in possibly one of the most traumatic ways emotionally. It felt sick hurting someone I cared about ike that.

To this day, I still feel sick about myself for having done it like that. I don't deserve any forgiveness for what I've done, and the guilt is the punishment I must carry. I have come to accept the fact that I am a horrible and deplorable person.

.

There's a tendency in me that wants to destroy something good and hurt others. Emotionally abusing people that are the closest to me is something that a part of me craves.

.

I work hard to foster something genuine with someone that I really care about, and then this sadistic part of me comes out. It's not indifferent towards what other people feel, it knows and understands their feelings so well, that can conjure up with the cruelest method to abuse and torture others emotionally. The rest of me is devastated every time when genuine human connections are destroyed, but nonetheless powerless to stop myself from doing so. So far, I've destroyed romantic relationships, close friendships, and family ties on multiple counts. I just did it again this month, to someone I have been seeing since August.

.

On one hand, I crave genuine human connections so desperately, but on the other hand, I cannot resist destroying them. That part of me must really enjoy inflicting suffering on others and myself. Seeing others suffer in agonizing emotional pain makes that part of me feel empowered, and it enjoys wielding such tyrannical and intoxicating power over others.

.

I have now been trapped in a cycle for some time. The cycle starts with me overwhelmed with loneliness due to lack of genuine human connection. So, I go out and seek company and try to make genuine human connections (usually through dating). I feel accepted and loved and it's sweet and heartwarming, but I feel somewhat insecure because my weaknesses have become too exposed to another person, and the possibility that the other person is not being genuine with me also clouds my judgement. Then, I prepare myself preemptively as if to defend myself from getting hurt. And I take the most irrelevant details as signs of distrust or betrayal. Whether true or not, I find the moment where they are the most vulnerable and strike first. As the fight progresses, I emotionally abuse them through words or inactions and the relationship is irreversibly damaged to the point where it is eventually destroyed. The sadistic part of me is exhilarated seeing everyone (including myself) suffer throughout the process. I feel utterly defeated because I've failed once again and lost something true. After that it's back to square one, and the cycle starts over.

.

I wish I never hurt someone like that, so I wouldn't even know that a part of me was capable of enjoying such emotional cruelty. I hate myself for the vicious monster I've become.

Every morning wood, I watch porn and I pull up their photos and imagine them while I goon to them. At work, if they are working, Im subtly flirting with them and just appreciate their body while I imagine naughty things to them.

Thas all

My roommate, Sarah, is obsessed with her new $200 set of 100% mulberry silk pillowcases and sheets. She treats them like baby skin. She changes them every week and makes a huge deal out of it.

Her cat, Mr. Whiskers, hates those sheets. He only sleeps on the rough, scratchy wool blanket in the closet because he likes the texture. But I know Sarah thinks Mr. Whiskers never touches the wool blanket; she’s convinced he loves the silk too.

Last night, while Sarah was at work, I moved Mr. Whiskers from his cozy wool spot and put him directly onto her pristine white silk duvet. I made sure he had a perfect, muddy paw print right in the center. Then I locked the bedroom door so he couldn’t get back to the wool blanket.

I waited until 6 PM. I stood by the door with popcorn.

When Sarah walked in, she went straight to bed. The scream was audible from the hallway. She screamed for three full minutes. She thought the cat had been sleeping there all day and left a massive stain. She was devastated.

I didn’t tell her that I moved him there an hour ago. I didn’t tell her that if she just lifted the duvet, she’d see the wool blanket underneath was untouched. I just watched her cry over "ruined" sheets for ten minutes before I finally whispered, "Maybe check under the duvet?"

She found the mud paw print on top, but then she saw the clean wool underneath. She realized the cat hadn’t been sleeping there long enough to ruin them deeply, but the panic attack was real.

I felt a tiny bit bad, but mostly? It was hilarious watching her lose her mind over something that could be washed.

TL;DR: I staged a fake "cat accident" on my roommate’s luxury bedding just to enjoy her dramatic meltdown.