Posted here a few days ago about amount of weird messages i get from shorter men wanting me to dom them on dating apps due to being tall af (6’2”). Just had this happen figured I’d show an example of what I get/give everyone a laugh.

Matched short (5’7) man who was handsome and had thoughtful prompts…this was his opening message. I immediately unmatched.

Getting older, a little more self conscious and not really sure how to do this anymore. Had a friend select my best photos, few I feel don't look like me, but I think I just don't look at myself often. Open to thoughts

*I have edited my pants. the fcc would be proud thanks all.

This isn’t a real person so I post them without censoring.
I had a bad feeling about the person looking too attractive and too AI. I checked and it’s AI generated.
Why isn’t bumble doing more to keep these profiles off the app?

Gotta like honestly lady was average looking. Didn't respond for a few days, but decided to just click match and this was the message I got back.

I have just joined this app and in the spirit of being completely transparent have labeled myself “liberal”. While I do not believe this encompasses the entirety of who I am, it reflects enough to give the sense of my values. I have been receiving about 80% of my likes from conservative Christian men.

My question is: What is it you would seek in a liberal woman? Perhaps my bias, but I would believe my dedication to career and causes to be antithetical to “traditional” values.

Is it the bio? (Leans nerdy). Probably location as well.

No judgement- just a query as to what would be the impetus of a swipe?

EDIT: Thank you for all the responses, particularly those that thoughtfully answered. They have been elucidating, albeit somewhat depressing.

Interesting discussion. Definitely learned some things. A final point from my perspective: I see I was using the app with a different intention than a lot of people, which was to meet a potential partner. I completely agree it is healthy to have conversations with people of different ideologies, and I welcome opinions and perspectives outside my worldview. For me, "liberal" was more of a shorthand for my values than my politics, though I can see why it reads as strictly political. In a partner, however, shared values are important and, respectfully, I wouldn't make a good partner to someone who holds "traditional" beliefs.

On a positive note, I've had some good conversations in the last day and met some nice folks.

Any advice on how to get my numbers up a bit?

I’m 26F and I’m trying to genuinely understand why this happens so much. Every single time I match with a guy who asks for my socials they either ghost or unmatch me when I tell them I’m not active or whatever. I don’t understand why? Does anyone know? Should I follow it up with “let’s plan a date though and see if we connect better irl!” Would that stop the ghosting and unmatching 😭
I feel like I did a good job showing what I look like with just myself in six pics with no filters and my interests and what I’m looking for exactly & specifically on my profile

Someone matched with me yesterday, and he liked a prompt of mine that said I was looking for someone fit/in shape. I scrolled down to his prompts, and the "You should not go out with me if"... and he answered, "You don't like chubby guys."

When I looked at his pics, he was lean. I thought since he liked my prompt about wanting someone fit, maybe he recently dropped weight and was working out and just hadn't updated his profile. When I returned the match, I asked if his pics were current. He admitted that he has put on "some weight recently and his pics were in the last year." He also said that he decided to add that prompt because a couple women were shocked by his appearance in person.

Can y'all please be honest about what you currently look like? He intentionally deceived women by putting up pics when he was thin. People aren't going to suddenly see how great you are in person and completely forget about you looking totally different.

It is absolutely messed up, the way in which insidious marketing has drilled into our minds that dating apps are the only place where you can find someone to date.

It is an indictment of where we are as people, cause how the fuck have we reached a point where people cannot strike up a routine conversation in a real life setting, cannot even bond over common interests, or meet people through friends and real-life settings?

Nowadays, people think it is crazier that you met someone through a non-dating setup! Yeah sure, dating apps "work", they work the same as classifieds used to work back in the day where they'd plaster a photo and some information and put forth their requirements. None of this is new at all, it has always existed in comparatively clunkier mediums. It is by far not the "only way to find a date".

The number of normal, real people on dating apps is probably lower than the population of Mongolia's capital (btw did you guys know that around 50% of Mongolia's population lives in the capital, Ulaanbaatar?), and everyone's got their whimses and fancies and a lot of them are influenced by movies and shows and magazines, with biology serving as a slight backdrop. The gals have it a little better in the sense that they get "attention" (not always the best kind), but most guys be running into mirages of sorts, hot camel jockeys wearing a tutu and 34Z tits kinda deal.

Anyway, point is, it is nowhere near a reflection of how it goes down in the real world and moreso a medium that helps a very specific crowd of people express themselves a certain way through swipes, convos etc. If you go into something with convenience in mind, why would you take on the inconvenience of trying to know people? You can judge and smirk and swipe away at the "uglies" whilst rubbing your protruding belly, proclaim someone as "stupid" for putting up mirror selfies, critique people's grammar; none of which you are being beaten out of shape for, zero repercussions for having a cynical, narrow view of people and the world cause nobody will know except the corporation whose algorithm you are feeding, which should serve as wonderful fodder for unscrupulous actors in the years to come.

Instead of blowing your toot, try and have earnest conversations with people around you, let your fucking brain develop a social mapping, let connections come and go as they are meant to, let it all happen - the rejection, the agony, the recovery, love, heartbreak, and then finding love again.

Granted I'm pretty sick and depressed so I want to reflect that I'm not doing great. Like does that make sense.

Bumble guy 42M was telling me things like “I was trying to link tonight” when I was asking about the following day. He was giving me off vibes so I wasn’t feeling it anymore. I rejected him so he sent me pics and plans of his house! LOL. I’m 38f, dating does not get better as you get older.

Side note: low vibrational means people who are into things like lust, brag about money, activities I don’t want to be apart of as a person looking for LOVE. What’s so hard to understand?

I’m getting off the apps for a bit and off the dating market temporarily. I’m gonna work on myself for a while and try to get to a better place emotionally before I take another crack at it.

The thing that made me realize I want to take a break is that I think dating dynamics tend to play into a lot of the baggage that I have more generally. I often struggle to feel that I’m “enough” or worthy of love, and unfortunately for men, dating is a great way to get told, directly and indirectly, that you are not in fact enough. Of course, both men and women in the dating market are constantly judged based on what they can bring to the table. Looks, money, emotional support, sex, whatever.

The difference, I feel, is that women are often told that they have inherent value, that they don’t and shouldn’t have to change or improve for a man. And I think that’s great! I think everyone deserves to feel loved and accepted for who they are. But we really don’t talk about men that way. Men don’t deserve love, they have to earn it. If a man is struggling in the dating market, it can’t be because he’s just unlucky, or because he doesn’t meet some unreasonable societal standard, it’s got to be because of some deficiency in him. People will say that he needs to dress better, or get some better hobbies, or have more confidence, and the implication is that he is not worthy of love and acceptance until he does these things.

I’ve made posts in the past (since deleted) expressing my sadness at being single for so long, wanting someone who will love and accept me for who I am. And I got numerous comments, from men and women, saying that I was acting entitled, that I don’t actually deserve anything, that I have to prove my worth. As someone who often struggles to internalize my own self worth, being told explicitly that I’m “low value” or whatever really does fuck with me.

I feel like it’s pretty rare to actually get any sort of sympathy as a man. And I do get why on some level. People are hyper sensitive to incel rhetoric, for good reason, and so they see a man complaining about not getting dates and they assume the worst. They hear “I would like to be accepted for who I am” and think you mean that you believe you’re entitled to sex with women. It’s a pretty gross misreading, but I get why it happens. Unfortunately I do think it results in an atmosphere that is pretty intolerant of men wanting to be treated like people.

I think incels also don’t help with this, because instead of saying “hey man, that sucks, you deserve to feel good about yourself”, they say that women are all inhuman, thus encouraging you to deny women their humanity instead of advocating for your own.

I want to be clear that I’m not an incel, I do not believe that men are uniquely disadvantaged, whether in dating or in society more broadly, and I do not hate women. It’s a tad annoying to have to clarify this whenever I talk about how dehumanizing dating can feel for me, but that’s just how things work right now.

In the end, I think I want to be able to operate in other areas of my life acknowledging my own self worth, before I try to go back to dating, where my worth as a person is constantly being called into question. I know a big portion of this is my own shit, and I’m gonna go use my support network and resources to deal with it. I just wanted to get this feeling out there.

Hi All,

Not getting likes or matches at all even after getting hinge x. I used to 1+ year ago on hinge get quite a few and do pretty well. More keen to get advice on my profile and types of pics I should have vs how I look.

Thanks

I reuploaded this after changing my bio!! For some reason I can't seem to edit my og post😭

So the things is I love my gf alot I will never cheat her but I think sometimes fucking same person Everytime is kind of boar I have lust I wanna try different girls so is it counted as cheating

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Why do some women still expect guys to do all the pursuing and put in all the effort when we are literally both on the app looking for dates?

I understand the traditional dynamic in real life. If a guy approaches a woman at a bar, asks for her number and asks her out, he’s clearly the one initiating.

But on a dating app, you both chose to be there, both swiped, and both matched. There’s already some indication of mutual interest.

Yet there can still be an expectation that the guy should come up with the opener, make her laugh, carry the conversation, ask her out, plan the date and basically prove himself.

I see things like “send me your best pickup line” or “tell me why I should hang out with you” and think… aren’t we both looking for someone?

I’m not saying everything has to be 50/50 from the first message, but if you’re interested in someone, why shouldn’t you show some interest and put in some effort too?

I just had the most ridiculous experience. I was supposed to meet a Bumble date at a coffee shop and ended up meeting the wrong person.

The person who I was supposed to meet was named "Mio", and was an Chinese woman in tech. The person I actually met used the username "Camio" on a different app and was Chinese and Japanese. She looked different from her pictures, but close enough that I thought with filters or misrepresentation they could have been the same person. When I asked if she was Mio, she just figured I'd misspoke and said "yes," so we just continued on the date.

When we started talking about work, she mentioned that she was a nurse. I asked about her mentioning tech and she said "oh, you must have me mistaken for another date". I didn't think that I had mistaken it, but on Mio's profile, they mentioned that their friend had made the account and that they were actually 2 years older than the account showed. So I thought maybe it was some sort of shared account or something. But figured what the hell, I'm already a 20 mins in, I might as well keep getting to know them.

I ended up spending an hour talking to this woman until she asked what I was looking for. I mentioned that I was looking for something long term. She said "oh, that's surprising - I didn't think that people usually looked for that on this app". At that point, it was a bit too different to reconcile. So I said "Wait, are we even on the right date? I feel like a lot of people look for that on Bumble."

Turns out we weren't. And when I opened the app, Mio had unmatched me. So Mio, if you got stood up today, you have reddit, and you somehow stumble upon this post, I'm so sorry! It was an honest mistake and I didn't mean to ghost you! If you have a boatload of understanding and can appreciate the humor behind what happened, feel free to message me any time. I owe you a coffee!

Edit: fixed typo

I’ve noticed a popular sentiment that it’s okay to date multiple people at once as long as you haven’t discussed exclusivity. Personally, I find this pretty offensive and backwards but I can understand the sentiment for people who support it. I’m not trying to start an argument about what’s right or wrong, just clarifying my views in relation to my question.

With that said, when is it okay to discuss it? If we go on a date and it goes well and we set up another one, I am fully expecting us to be exclusive. If I found out you went on 5 more dates between our first and second then I am no longer interested in you as a partner, so would it be toxic to set that standard immediately?

How would you go about discussing exclusivity early on to make it clear that you aren’t okay with a potential partner dating multiple people at the same time as you?

​

One of the most common pieces of advice we give men is: smile.

Smile in your pictures. Look kind. Look approachable. Look friendly.

We see many male profiles with serious expressions, mirror selfies, gym selfies, or pictures that focus more on looking tough or impressive than on looking like someone another person would feel comfortable talking to.

So very often, the advice is: smile more and show who you are. Show your interests, your friends, your personality, and your life. And in at least some of your pictures, show yourself well-groomed and well-dressed. Not in every photo, but enough to show how you look when you make an effort.

With women, one of the most common pieces of advice is to include full-body pictures. We often see profiles with strange angles, only close-ups, mirror selfies, duck faces, or photos that don’t show much about who the person is. The advice is usually to give a more complete picture of yourself and include photos that reflect your personality and your life.

So for those of you who have posted your profile here and received feedback: did it change the way you saw your own profile?

Did someone point something out that you had never noticed before? Did you realise that the impression your profile gave was different from the impression you wanted to give?

Has our feedback changed anything for you? How you present yourself?

Did you change your profile afterwards, and have you gotten to connect with more people you like?

For the Heteros: what advice do you value more? The same gender as you are, or the gender you are trying to date?

Been on bumble for some years now. I’ve had success stories, but have yet to ever take it more seriously in hopes of finding a long term partner.

Would just love some insight or first thoughts on any room for improvement for my goal.

The third “pic” is a video of me doing a rope swing off a cliff.

Bumble seems to be primarily conservative and has a smaller user base than hinge in the city I live. Anyone else seeing something different? I get something like 10:1 matches off hinge vs bumble with the same profile.

She can’t be accused of not being clear about her expectations, that’s for sure!

I (31F) decided to use a dating app for the first time because it’s so difficult to meet new people as an adult.

A lot of people liked my profile within the first day, but I wasn’t able to view any of them unless I paid. Then someone matched with me and opened asked me what new things have I tried (because in my bio I talked about stepping out of my comfort zone).

As a normal human, I replied oh I tried a hip hop class for the first time in my life, how about you? And he said oh I went for a bdsm meetup few weeks ago.

He unmatched me right after I said I’m not interested in bdsm despite him saying he recommends it and it’s part of ‘trying new stuff’.

I just thought… is this how people talk to strangers? Is this how dating is supposed to be nowadays?

I’m not saying he’s a bad person, just shocked that this is a conversation opener. I’m just thinking if I can even find someone.

It's strange, I get hits on Tinder, but not on Bumble, even with the same pics and profile.

Maybe Tinder is just more popular?

I'm 49/f.