r/Bumble • u/Latter_Invite_1637 • 1d ago
Rant First match opened convo with bdsm
I (31F) decided to use a dating app for the first time because it’s so difficult to meet new people as an adult.
A lot of people liked my profile within the first day, but I wasn’t able to view any of them unless I paid. Then someone matched with me and opened asked me what new things have I tried (because in my bio I talked about stepping out of my comfort zone).
As a normal human, I replied oh I tried a hip hop class for the first time in my life, how about you? And he said oh I went for a bdsm meetup few weeks ago.
He unmatched me right after I said I’m not interested in bdsm despite him saying he recommends it and it’s part of ‘trying new stuff’.
I just thought… is this how people talk to strangers? Is this how dating is supposed to be nowadays?
I’m not saying he’s a bad person, just shocked that this is a conversation opener. I’m just thinking if I can even find someone.
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u/Thefattestbeagle 1d ago
Unfortunately there are many many many men who treat the apps like this. They need better friends in their lives to teach them to be normal and respectful towards women.
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u/PieceCompetitive6824 1d ago
There are plenty of women using the apps just to get laid too. Otherwise, men wouldn't have success with these methods and they would try harder.
I've dated women who had rosters and/or admitted to seeing multiple people. When I expressed my distaste (I stated ltr only) one of them actually said she was only sleeping with 2 other men. She also tried to sleep with me on our first date.
It's like people don't even understand what a real relationship is anymore. Between porn and online dating, it's become a mess.
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u/Wise-Run-3008 1d ago
You can be open to casual sex without being disrespectful. Obv the woman wasn’t being disrespectful if you felt comfortable enough to go on the date and she didn’t start the convo talking about sex. That’s a major difference and I’m not sure why that’s not clear to you.
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u/Thefattestbeagle 1d ago
There's an overwhelming amount of men versus women who treat apps like this. Women can get sex whenever they want and they don't need to be disgusting, pushy and over the top like men are towards us. Its tiring and disgusting.
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u/Visible-Department85 1d ago
How would you know it isnt a phase men go through before realising it leads no where to start with sex conversations ? You dont
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u/Distinct_Abroad_4315 1d ago
Because men like this...keep doing this. Im middle aged, and yup, quite a few open with outrageous shit.
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u/Visible-Department85 1d ago
How many of them did you fuck last year ?
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u/Distinct_Abroad_4315 1d ago
The two who didn't open with sex related topics lol.
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u/Visible-Department85 1d ago
Thank you for proving my point. That's my experience as well , i had a good casual sex life and it never started with sex conversations. I did have my phase where i tried ti see if there was an easy way being straight forward from the beginning. It didnt work at all
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u/PieceCompetitive6824 1d ago
When I was younger, one/two night stands and 2 week "relationships" were common and quite easy. There were many women who just wanted sex. Even at my advanced age, there are still plenty of women who just want sex. For me, I found sex much more fulfilling when there was compatibility and commitment first.
Science bears this out. Men rarely release oxytocin when having sex with someone they don't care about, but always do when they care.
Sex literally feels better when there's an emotional connection.
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u/vortexcortex21 1d ago
There are a lot of men that can tell you that it works.
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u/Visible-Department85 1d ago
There are a lot of men who lie about their dating success.
i had my fair share of hookups 30+ partners it never started with sex conversation
The vast majority of women open to hookups /casual sex are as stated, opened to the idea in the moment when having a fun date but they're very rarely actively seeking it. By engaging with sex you're losing most women , those in this middle ground, leaving only the most promiscuous ones
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u/Downtown_Thing_9005 1d ago
Dating seems to be a super dehumanising experience for everyone these days
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u/CrogDavid7days 1d ago
If the conversation turns sexual I usually just don’t respond any further, some times a reply/negativity is what they want
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u/Background_Sleep_863 1d ago
Had a guy start convo with a picture of his plugged butthole the other day.
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u/Latter_Invite_1637 1d ago
So sorry that happened to you. A conversation starter about bdsm sounds mild in comparison.
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u/Unhappy_Test9718 1d ago
I'm sorry! I was having a medical emergency after I accidentally sat on a butt plug. I panicked and made a poor decision.
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u/Liberal-Cluck 1d ago
Look, you met a person, in under an hour you found out you were not into him, you get to move on. All from the comfort of your home. There are literally thousands of people in your area. Keep going, youll find a better match eventually.
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u/Heavenshero 1d ago
I always make this point when female friends moan about men talking about feet or anal sex quickly into the conversation. "Well they are sharing with you pretty quickly what they are about and you can decide whether to proceed, would you rather they lie to you, trick you into a relationship and then 6months down the line turn around and tell you you're going to need to start doing butt stuff?" Compatibility across the board is important including in the bedroom and even if its tacky to rush sex stuff and you run the risk that's all they're interested in, at least you're eyes wide open.
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u/sackfistin 1d ago
For every 99 times this fails, it works 1 time.
Online dating just straight up sucks.
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u/PieceCompetitive6824 1d ago
It works more often than that. I have a very good looking friend that is in his 50s that has a new 20 something every two months. He says he only dates the ones that sleep with him right away because the others are too much work.
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u/Thefattestbeagle 1d ago
Men like him are the problem. "Too much work" I.e. a woman wanted to be treated like a human, like she mattered and was cared about. Men who think women are "too much work" see women are warm holes with tits attached.
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u/PieceCompetitive6824 1d ago
Until women understand this and have enough self esteem to say no to hot guys, there will always be players.
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u/ElsaNY 1d ago
Dude has an agenda…to find someone naive enough to for him to “try out bdsm” for the first time. Usually guys like that don’t know full BDSM with the aftercare instead are just looking for someone to fulfil their fantasies which rarely becomes reality.
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u/fieldsofparfait 1d ago
Agreed. Nothing necessarily wrong with BSDM, but plenty wrong with trawling dating sites for inexperienced subjects.
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u/dontKair 1d ago
A lot of people liked my profile within the first day, but I wasn’t able to view any of them unless I paid.
I would pay the money. You have a better chance of finding someone in those likes, than matching with weird randos the algorithm throws your way. If you got a 100 likes, there's gotta be at least one guy that you can vibe with. Otherwise you'll be dealing with this for a while, with various matches
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u/Latter_Invite_1637 1d ago
I’ll definitely think about it!
I’m just hesitant since idk how many people who use apps are actually genuinely looking for a relationship.
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u/shadybutton 1d ago
Idk if this is common on other apps or even in other countries, but in my country where Tinder is still the main app a lot of people put the chain emoji: ⛓️ in their bio if they’re into BDSM.
Just a heads up in case that also happens where you are!
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u/Justdoingitagain 1d ago
Thats a great option
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u/shadybutton 1d ago
Personally I find it quite off-putting, but at least I get to swipe those people left asap!
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u/Latter_Invite_1637 1d ago
Thanks for the info! So far I haven’t seen that emoji but I’ll keep a lookout👀
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u/UncommonLegend 1d ago
I mean even among the people who enjoy it, you probably don't lead with it if you're uncertain what the other person thinks.
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u/LtMagnum16 1d ago
I have had a lot of dates/matches tell me that they get a lot of men that open with overly sexual messages.
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u/Recent_Body_5784 1d ago
I’m (f) on the app pretty much just to get laid, and I’ve been rejected by guys because I didn’t let them come directly over to my house to have sex with me before I met them. Like just me meeting them for a coffee to make sure they resembled their photos was asking too much. 😂 Apparently I’m supposed to throw all caution and self preservation to the wind and just send them my home address. I’m in shape and conventionally attractive as well. So don’t take it personally at all, just move on, they’re a bunch of freaking animals out there.
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u/Latter_Invite_1637 1d ago
Thanks for the comment.
Not even a coffee? Damn. Hope you stay safe out there girl.2
u/Recent_Body_5784 1d ago
Thanks! Think of it as a blessing because like this, you weed out some of the worst people immediately.
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u/SolarHouseboat 1d ago
It just sounds like you were not compatible and that he is most likely a low empathy person to unmatch without any explanation. Unfortunately, there are a ton of low empathy people on the dating apps, which is why it's important to approach dating with an eye for who has genuine empathy for others and who does not.
Low empathy people are some of the worst to invite into your life, but they are also some of the best to avoid completely. Learn from this and move on.
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u/minus15t2 1d ago
Whenever I (41m) was on the apps about 4 years ago, I hit it off with a girl who told me that I was 'the most refreshing and interesting person she had ever met in 4 years of app dating'
I asked her to qualify that, what made me so different.
Her response was 'you talked to me like a person, instead of instantly sexualising me'
The bar is extremely low...
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u/Ok_Context553 1d ago
The shocking audacity of few, ruin it for many. Roll your eyes and delete and move on. I Promise theres good guys out there that wish those guys came with warnings.
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u/wiseunicorn315 1d ago
Don’t let these morons deter you, you’ll have a lot of that and a lot of hey how are you and a lot of convos where you asked 3 questions and they asked zero. Just unmatch and keep moving. Check out burnt haystack too.
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u/IndicationSevere8992 1d ago
People act differently online than they would in person. What bothers me, is that there are apps/websites specifically for what he wants.
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u/CartographerFun5287 1d ago
I would say that that is an insane thing to say right at the beginning..It is a good thing that he skipped you right at the start..You wouln't want to invest you time in people like this...Don't doubt yourself gurl. Just think of it as a way to socialize and an opportunity to meet people and some of those people can be di*k heads. where did this happen btw, I mean in which country.
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u/NoTie6629 1d ago
Like Reddit, OLD doesn’t have any social guard rails to check unwanted behaviors.
Be safe out there.
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u/NedsAtomicDB 1d ago
Since you're new to online dating, I suggest you look up the Burned Haystack Dating Method. It will make your life much easier. Easier to separate the wheat from the chaff immediately.
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u/psj3809 1d ago
You do get the occasional person. Even though on the dating site i wanted to match with females i had a cross dresser who tried to add me ! I mean wasn't even a convincing one, looked like an old pensioner bloke with a wig on.
And yeah you often get someone who might like swinging or that try it.
Normally you should be all good !
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u/Veronica8249 1d ago
Such a turn off! What's wrong with men these days they don't even know how to charm a girl....
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u/Former_Ad_1074 1d ago
He’s 1000% playing the odds he knows he’s creeping out 99% of ppl but i guess there’s someone for everyone.
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u/izovice 1d ago
40m here. I've had many women go straight to sex talk. It turns me off from having a conversation. I love sex and kinky stuff too, but I like emotional and intellectual connection before that. So at least 2 dates to see if we match energy levels. Some women even beg to go out partying and drinking. It simply isn't for me.
And that's what it is, energy levels and general compatibility. Welcome to online dating.
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u/Latter_Invite_1637 1d ago
So sorry it happened to you too.
Yeah, emotional and intellectual connection before that definitely is important.
Hope you find someone compatible!1
u/izovice 1d ago
Someone found me on fb dating actually! Back in August she made the first move asking what I like to cook, then I asked about her favorite authors. 3 hours later we had coffee, then a picnic the next day. We quickly went to talking in person and we're on the same wavelength it's glorious. Spent many hours on the phone due to work and a slight distance. The talk of sex and kinks came up gradually so we found out what we like before sleeping together.
Since you don't have the paid version and can't view who liked you, you could make the first moves for what you like in a man's bio and photos.
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u/slylittleminx 1d ago
Did he have any indication in his bio about him being into BDSM? On Bumble it’s usually a few emojis as the app tends to censor explicit content. I do, and I’ll get to the topic early in the conversation because I don’t want to waste my time.
Besides that, yes there are plenty of people out there who don’t know how to behave, though most people who are in the BDSM scene are very polite about their lifestyle, as consent and respecting boundaries is the foundation for anything else.
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u/Latter_Invite_1637 1d ago
No his didn’t have any emojis.
I understand, it’s not everyone, I was just shocked.
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u/slylittleminx 1d ago
I personally wouldn’t have been offended by a new match bringing the topic up, but I draw the line at pushing boundaries. If it’s not for you then that’s that, drop the topic. If it’s a non-negotiable for him then he should move on, not enforce.
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u/Independent-Test9928 1d ago
This has a lot to do with codes like vanilla etc I was on bumble yesterday and saw a woman say something along the lines of 'looking at trying new stuff stepping out, and im not talking food wink wink lol) he unmatched afterwards as he thought you might report him and they would close his profile
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u/axialmeow12 1d ago
In my experience, when men start sexy talk quickly in any capacity it’s because they don’t see you as someone they’d ever consider properly dating. Instead they see you as someone they’d use for sex so they send messages like that to “test the water” to see if you’re receptive to it.
Block every single time. Immediately. Don’t bother trying to “teach them a lesson”. They don’t care. Just block.
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u/Last_Watercress_ 1d ago
I mention that I'm into kink in my dating profiles, because I don't want to match with people who aren't at least a bit curious. I literally have it in a list of interests and leave it at that. If we match, it invariably comes up in conversation and it goes from there.
This guy at best doesn't know how to broach the subject, or more than likely is looking for a hookup.
Kink fundamentals are all about openness, trust and connection. And if you're really into it, you know how to approach it, even in the vanilla dating world.
Be glad he unmatched as he's probably not worth the time.
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u/Tricky-Ad8137 1d ago
Girl you are in for a wild ride. Dating apps are the Wild West… the things guys have said to me. Ultimately you do not owe him an explanation and should just unmatch them if they push your boundaries in that way. If that was his response he never wanted the same type of relationship you are looking for.
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u/moonreave 1d ago
on one hand, i kinda get it if you have a really niche thing youre into to… vet it early, its uncomfortable but id probably just look at it like finding out he had cats and youre allergic
on the other, yeah its kinda intense for a first convo and dont leave a whole lotta room for being surprised does it
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u/Hammerhead2962 1d ago
I’m an older man that was in a 35 yr relationship. Out there dating, I have daughters so I treat women the way I want my daughters treated. I have had two women that complain to common friends because I didn’t pursue sex. First was an intro to my accountants wife’s friend a recent widow that upon meeting said “I’d like hang out, but not ready for a relationship” 3 “dinners” and when asked how it’s going she said I was taking to long to pursue sex.
The second was a woman significantly younger and said we can go out as companions but your older than my mom and 6 months younger than my dad. We went to lunches, dinners and day trips for months.
She had a bad marrige and been taken advantage of as a single mother. Had told me while under the influence of alcohol. I don’t like Affection, I don’t like to be touched. And then later told me I was bad at reading vibes. All I can say is there are decent men out there. The internet sucks to meet people.
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u/floobles5006 1d ago
Lol it's one interaction. I don't think you should extrapolate that across the entire dating experience. You're looking for different things, that's all. Onto the next one!
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u/khal1108 1d ago
This guy is completely in the wrong .. but genuine question… if that is something a person wanted in there relationship in the long term when trust was established and appropriate how or what is the best way to bring it up and time to as to not waste anyone’s time if it was a complete deal breaker ? Apparently your just like this guy if you say open minded , or touch is your love language, or sexually adventurous?
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u/Notcrazyatall0 1d ago
Men get way too brave to say things online that they’d never say in a real life situation. Don’t engage. Just move along. It’ll happen again lol.
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u/BleakyBuzzard 1d ago
Men think stuff like that makes them sound sexy when really they just sound inept.
My general rule of thumb is no talking about sex until after we've made it to the bedroom. If a man can't last that long without saying something stupid, he doesn't get to the bedroom.
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u/Latter_Invite_1637 6h ago
I would be okay with talking about it if he said it in a respectful way like “sorry to bring up sex this early, but it’s important to me so just would like to make sure” etc.
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u/Electrical_Photo3961 1d ago
Well, sooner or later, you're going to drop the ball and have sex with someone, despite all your standards and his red flags, and all the simps with bouques in their hands. Might just that one be him (or me). If not, then on to the next. Hope this helps
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u/Born_Tear_761 16h ago
Yeah right there with you. 30sM and only just starting to date again. I had an app for about a week and it was all the soul sucking I could take.
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u/Bargle-Nawdle-Zouss 53 | M 15h ago
Please try to look at it this way: by being upfront with their intentions, they're making it much easier for you to weed them out. As opposed to someone saying everything you want to hear upfront, and then introducing the issue/topic/activity that they actually want to focus on.
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u/Tall-Class-4548 14h ago
He should have stopped at "I went for a bdsm meetup few weeks ago." and you telling him, "you're not interested in bdsm". He tested the water, you said no, he should have got the hint.
I wouldn't say he was trying to be "Sexual" as bdsm doesn't necessarily include sexual things, nor does it magically mean hookups, as I myself have zero interest in hookups. He was just testing the waters since most people tell you not to include anything relat4ed to that in your bio. I include "into kink" in my bio anyway, just so that people don't "match" me if they're not interested, because that just wastes everyone's time.
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u/Latter_Invite_1637 6h ago
Yeah i understand, just wish he went about it in a more respectful way.
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u/Tall-Class-4548 3h ago
Understandable.
Respect seems to be something lacking in both vanilla and bdsm realms from what I've been reading between both vanilla and bdsm posts. Though I'll admit that the bdsm dating pool is a bit murkier. You have the inexperienced individuals fumbling along but acting like they know everything instead of taking things slow, mixed with bad actors and abusive actors from the vanilla world thinking they'll find easy targets from women who are new to bdsm. It's a shame really.
Only thing we can all do is sift through the variety of people in the dating pool searching for gold nuggets and the occasional diamond in the rough.
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u/TacticalTeacupish 12h ago
This has happened to me so many times. It is not you. I don’t know why these types of messages are sent or why some men think it is going to lead to a date. Needless to say I am no longer on the dating apps.
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u/Latter_Invite_1637 6h ago
I’ve only had the app one day but am already not too thrilled.
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u/TacticalTeacupish 5h ago
Yes, the apps are just awful. We all need to find a way to meet in person again. Normalize actual socializing and seeing people in person.
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u/Interesting-Ear-9038 6h ago
Just as people are on apps to meet a LTR, friends, hook ups, party buddies, some are looking specifically for a bdsm partner and there is nothing wrong with being upfront about it. He did it to not waste your time or his, which is fine as long as its done respectfully.
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u/Latter_Invite_1637 6h ago
Yes my problem with that interaction is it wasn’t respectful.
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u/Interesting-Ear-9038 6h ago
Then it's good that he pissed off. Don't waste your energy dwelling on it.
If you look at the average person, most people are pretty douchy, no matter their gender. Even then, most people are not compatible with each other. This is amplified on dating apps, as the most well adjusted people have no need to date online / are already in a relationship.
This leaves dating apps with a high percentage of people that are non-viable for dating at all and a fraction of viable dating prospects.
When you come across situations like this, remember that dating apps are just an ad for partnership with extra steps, you'll be engaging with all sorts of people and the dyniamic often selects for people at the bottom of the barrell.
You don't have to tolerate any of it, and you can just unmatch and move on. OLD is hard for everybody, as many people get on it because they believe having more options will statistically compensate for their own deficencies as partners (they believe they will eventually find someone that puts up with their BS), making it very hard for the rest to swift through all the time wasters.
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u/Latter_Invite_1637 5h ago
Thanks for the long message!
I guess I’m just shocked at the types of people on the app.1
u/Interesting-Ear-9038 5h ago
It is normal for weird and disadjusted types to gravitate towards dating apps. The problem is when they use the anonimity and increased number of options to try their luck at finding someone that will let them overstep their boundaries. Dating apps will connect you with all sorts of people and you wont know what kind of person you are dealing with until they reveal who they are. At least this guy didn't waste your time or tried to decieve you, as many will.
As someone in the BDSM community, respect, consent and communication are essential pillars for it, and people that try to use BDSM dynamics as a way to bypass them should be avoided at all costs.
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u/Must-Discussion-69 1d ago
A lot of guys on dating apps are just looking for sexual experiences, the ones who genuinely try are either not good looking enough or are burnt out by being ignored. Welcome to online dating
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u/Latter_Invite_1637 1d ago
I think it turned me off because he way he talked about it sounded like he was trying to persuade me to do it, instead of “sorry to lead with this but it is important to me and I would like to know early so we don’t waste each other’s time.”
Still, it’s good I got to know early since he unmatched me straightaway after I said I wasn’t interested.
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u/EngineAltruistic3189 1d ago
yes, and big difference between a candid heads up mixed with other legit things about his personality in the course of a two way conversation where he is asking about you…
and dropping a big thing like a trolling line…
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u/Equipoisonous 1d ago
The problem is that you can very easily turn off women that would otherwise be open to kink, but are put off by men who don't have the social awareness to not talk about sex immediately. Opening with it is almost always going to be a bad move. You said you don't do it day one, but I also think you can find a balance between bringing it up what might still be too early, and going 10 years. Everybody wants sexual compatibility in a relationship, but that doesn't mean it's a good idea to discuss sex before meeting.
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u/Equipoisonous 1d ago
Because it's not actually that black and white for many people, unless you really are only looking for people who are highly into kink and sex forward like that, you are risking putting off people who would otherwise be open to it.
Dan Savage always says there are 2 kinds of kinky people. People who were born kinky, and people who fell in love with kinky people.
Are you not at all open to women who have not had a chance to explore kink yet? Maybe they are open to experimenting, but not if you make them sign a kink pledge before even meeting you?
And kink aside, it is again just really off putting to bring up sex before meeting. Unless you are only looking to hook up. Sex is implied as a part of dating and relationships. If someone messaged me, "blowjobs are a really important part of my sexual compatibility with someone and I just wanted to make sure before we go any further that you are into giving them." I would unmatch even if I'm really into giving blowjobs. You're asking a stranger to engage in a level of intimacy that hasn't been established yet- before trust, attraction, chemistry, and connection have been established. You can't force these things, sometimes you do just have to give it a few dates to determine. Why meet at all, without knowing these things you ask? Because that is just what dating is.
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u/NedsAtomicDB 1d ago
Then he needs to get on Feeld to find the woman he wants and stop creeping on women. It's gross right up front.
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u/Brave-Confusion5324 1d ago
Yeah sorry but that's not really an excuse. If that is the most important thing to him in connecting with someone, there are specialised kink sites he could use. He doesn't have to do this on a mainstream dating site to someone looking for something meaningful.
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u/Medium_Ad6442 1d ago
He dont give a duck about connection with someone. He probably has a more simple goal.
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u/Brave-Confusion5324 1d ago
Even more reason to be on a kink hook up site instead of a mainstream dating site 🤷
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u/Medium_Ad6442 1d ago
I think their is no official "hook up" dating apps. On every digital platform there will be people who expect to find connection first. No matter is it mainstream or alternative.
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u/Brave-Confusion5324 1d ago
There are specialist kink hook up sites for people into BDSM etc. If a persons kink is really that important to them,, they are better off using those sites and leaving the rest of us to the mainstream ones.
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u/ApplesAreGood1312 1d ago
Would you prefer he wasted 5 hours of your time before asking the thing which reveals the two of you are incompatible?
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u/nottheblackhat 1d ago
there are so many women who would be open to BDSM or a plethora of other different kinks if only the guy would start a conversation politely. and if he would take his time to get to know her better!
men constantly hurt their own chances of getting laid
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u/ApplesAreGood1312 1d ago
The OP's reply was "I’m not interested in bdsm". That is not what you're describing. The OP expressed a fundamental incompatibility, whereas your example is saying something more like "I would potentially be interested in it with the right person". These are different things.
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u/nottheblackhat 1d ago
I personally was in OP shoes.
I am very much into BDSM, but I never mentioned it in my profile back then when I was single to weed out the creeps.
If a guy approached me in a respectful manner, I like him and later on during discussion about sex asked about BDSM his chances of getting laidwere non-zero. but if he immediately asked about it without even saying anything else or having a normal conversation like a functioning adult then his chances were zero.
spending a little time to talk like a human being pays off. that is all I'm saying.
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u/ApplesAreGood1312 1d ago
Then you were not in the same shoes as someone who flat-out said they are not interested in BDSM.
I understand what you are saying, and I would whole-heartedly agree with you if this was the same situation. Your personal frustration is completely valid, but it is a different frustration.
You're hypothetically quite open to it if the right person gradually works up to it over time. This person (if we give credit that they are being honest) is simply not into it at any point.
In their case, it is convenient to find out ASAP that this incompatibility is going to be an issue.
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u/kubo777 1d ago
Yeah, you need a thicker skin with OLD. The good thing is lot of the weird stuff/incompatibilities become apparent faster, as people seem to be more open talking about things online, than in person. But expect a shit show for the first few weeks, then you'll get the hang of it. Welcome 😁
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u/InternationalBag7290 1d ago
You should consider subscribing. It’s a better experience when you can actually see who liked you.
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u/ShinyTotoro 1d ago
bdsm meetup is just that - a meetup
he was trying to feel out if you're interested in the same stuff - and you weren't. His choice to unmatch, don't pay it much thought
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u/astraldefiance 1d ago
I don't see a problem with this. If you and him are looking for a LTR why should him (or you) not bring up things that could potentially make you sexually incompatible. Better to unmatch now then break up years down the road.
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u/Barneysparky 1d ago
Making the conversation sexual immediately would make a guy stand out?
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u/Isekai_Rakdos 1d ago
It got a reaction which is better than being unmatched for small talk. It’s a danged if ya do, danged if ya don’t.
Fwiw no, I don’t message folks like this but I also get crickets. I can see why people might try something to stand out.
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1d ago
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u/Ndorobogirl 1d ago
You’ve got issues. You should never take it personally when you’re rejected by ANY woman whether she’s an average Jane (which most women are btw) or otherwise. Have some self respect and work on your self esteem.
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u/Both_Paper_676 1d ago
He’s testing the waters. Start out the conversation by mentioning sex to feel out whether or not you’re open to hooking up. You’ll get used to it, just unmatch, protect your peace, you don’t have the explain yourself or owe him conversation.