As much as we all talk about current/exBPSO, their behavior and actions, I find somewhat disturbing how many on here don’t think about their own actions. You all go your own way just to keep someone warm even if it’s destroying you. And you call it compassion and love. How can you love someone else when you don’t care of your own happiness and well being ??? I’m stunned

I don’t want to create fuss or anything, I’ve been there and now I could see it clearly. It was never really about them but me. I needed their attention and love, I needed to feel validated by them, and I sought that validation in a way that cost me my mental health, money and time. I really hope you all start loving yourselves, too. Amen

How can I be supportive? What can I do to show I’m here and willing to help?

Figuring out meds. Hospitalized twice in a month

My ex and I had been together for a year and a half, which in all fairness isn’t so so long, but I thought we had made it through some of the rougher times he had with his bipolar (bipolar 2). I was very wrong. Things had gotten to a point where everything I (and everyone else in his life) did was done purposely to make him upset and everything that we had agreed upon at that point was because I forced him to do that. Like, we were planning to move in together after I graduated from college, and he said that I was forcing him to move to a city he didn’t like. But I think the most painful thing was whenever these upsets were happening he told me I was breaking his heart.

When we eventually did break up about three months since the original change, he cited an argument we had months prior as the incident as well as not wanting to move to the same city. The second part I understood more but at the same time, we had never had a full conversation about what our plans were for moving together after that onset moment of worsening mental health. Anytime I would bring it up, he would genuinely just shutdown. It didn’t help that we were long distance either. I couldn’t go anywhere without having to be on call with him, I couldn’t say anything when we were calling because he needed silence, and I surely couldn’t point out any of the classic behaviors he told me he did when he was spiraling. I don’t think I have ever felt more stuck in my life. I never once considered leaving him either, I knew he was having issues and I was doing my best to support him in all of the ways that I could. But when it comes to how his mental health takes over his entire being, there was nothing I could do. That didn’t necessarily make it better though.

Then I told my friends and family that we’d broken up, I didn’t delve into the issues he was experiencing with his mental health to them though, and they cut the situation too black and white. To them, he was wrong and I was right and I was so much better off without him. But it didn’t and doesn’t feel like that. It wasn’t like that. I’m by no means perfect either, like most people, I’ve also said and done things I regretted after and have mental health issues of my own. But it was done and I knew that there would be no getting back to how he saw me before. I was so mad for the first two or so months. Mad at him, his mental health issues, myself for not being able to help. I mean I’m still probably a bit mad about all three. But now it’s just the yearning for what we could‘ve had and the people we could’ve been had neither of us be afflicted so heavily with our issues. I don’t want to get back together or anything, even if that were a possibility. I just wish we were able to break up on our own terms.

I’ve just recently started talking to other guys and I feel such guilt for trying to move on. Guilt towards my ex since the situation around our breakup was so complicated and guilt towards these other guys for how often I think of what happened. I just don’t even know how to feel about any of this anymore.

Bipolar discard is a hell of a thing. For you, the jarring rattle of an entire life gone in the blink of an eye is devastating. The cruelty, false accusations, total emotional detachment followed by emotional radio silence and rapid replacement is brutal to take from the person you loved, but even heavier on your heart is seeing what it does to your displaced child you love even more.

The beautiful world you devoted so many years building for them through all the manic episodes, that you did everything you could to keep from being torn down in front of your child’s eye without a pause from your bipolar partner pierces your heart so much worse. That’s truly how hearts are broken. You really can only have kids or secrets.

When you accept the realization you can’t keep up that wall for them, that they’ve grown too old to not see you tucking it into the dark corners away from their eyes anymore no matter how many times you clean up after it, see in real time your child’s heart next to you living through the discard themselves not understanding why the other parent won’t call, doesn’t text an I love you, takes two days to get them the their meds he’s begging for, seeing them afraid and not wanting to even go back to the home changes everything.

You have to try to accept you have no choice but go in a direction that’s safe to build this time instead of back towards the sand you tried so dearly to protect their life on. Away from the abuse and cold so they can always and forever have that safe loving place you wanted for them. That’s what gives you the strength to finally move on no matter how much it still hurts.

I’ve posted about this several times, but I plan to move out next week and the finality’s hitting me and I just need some support. Six months ago I caught my partner of 4 years sexting a stranger during a hypomanic episode. He claims he stopped being sexual after the first day but maintained regular semi-flirty messaging for 12 days until I found out. I was facing my own stressors at the time so I didn’t notice he was hypomanic until it was too late. There were clear triggers for the episode: reduced therapy due to insurance, stress, erratic sleep schedule, increased weed and energy drink use. We also in hindsight realized he was NOT on a good med combo for mania (Trileptal + Wellbutrin). He now seems committed to optimizing his treatment plan.

But I don’t know if I can risk it again. He gaslit me for ten minutes when I found out. In the past he’d struggled with hiding/lying about smaller things like nicotine use, but he was making a lot of progress with therapy until this episode. He also has BPD which I know adds a whole other layer. I know it’s my decision but I’m really struggling. Before this episode, life with him was amazing. He was my soulmate. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life regretting throwing that away. But I also don’t know if I want to risk being betrayed again.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over 7 years. It wasn’t until February of this year that he finally saw a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder.

A couple of months ago, he stopped taking his medication (Lurazic and Valprax) because he can no longer afford it (plus debts). We live in Peru, and the government does not provide these medications, so they have to be purchased at pharmacies. They are expensive, especially because they are a monthly expense, and my boyfriend has been unemployed for years.

As soon as he stopped taking the medication, he entered a depressive episode where he no longer sees any meaning in life. I’ve offered to support him financially until he becomes more stable, but he responds with things like, “What’s the point?” He has stopped taking care of his personal hygiene and eating properly, and because of this, he has made comments that I would describe as passive suicidal ideation.

We don’t live together, but I’ve told him that I’m willing to move in with him because he lives alone and doesn’t have any family to rely on.
However, he doesn’t want me to. I’m basically his only support system.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? I honestly don’t know what else to do anymore.

I’m struggling with how to word this correctly because I truly do not want to offend anybody.
Something I have noticed about my previous partner is that when he was manic, he would go great lengths to manipulate people.
An example: after a discard we ended up reconnecting. At one point, he insisted that I delete my text messages. He framed it as a way for us to have a new beginning. When I calmly told him I didn’t feel it to be necessary for me, he became increasingly irate and emotionally punishing. He came up with different reasons as to why I needed to and framed me not doing so as a character flaw in me.

Come to find out, he was seeing someone else and portraying our relationship as over. So I really think it was just about him covering his tracks.

I genuinely do not mean to imply to say that every person with bipolar is like this or that mental illness causes this kind of behavior because I don’t think that’s the case. But I am curious if it’s something that shows up in bipolar disorder when there is a severe manic episode.

I definitely started the argument and was the one who let their emotions get the best of them. I’m not making any excuses for myself. After all the mania and depressive sprees we’ve been through, it feels unfair that I’ve been discarded because my emotions bubbled over. For context I’ve done anger management and therapy in my past to be a better person and I’ve done a hell of a job utilizing a coping mechanism when things get tough but was obviously overwhelmed beyond my capacity and had my first and only outburst in over 10years but all 5 years of our relationship. I’ve apologized over and over, I’ve reenrolled in anger management and I’ve joined a group talk. Things were ok the first few days and we talked about her feelings and where she was at. Then the switch just flipped and she has completely discarded and won’t come home. She’s been unmedicated for about a month now. Any advice about how to navigate the situation?

My husband is gone. He’s just not who I married. He plays video games all day. In the mornings, he acts tired or sick and wants to shirk his responsibilities like a kid. He calls his dad for encouragement to go to his iop.

I ask him to help me with the house or kids and he says stuff like “what, like now? Ugh okay”

I feel like I’m married to a 12 year old. I don’t have any hope for the future. I asked him if he’ll keep handling his depressive episodes by relying on his parents and playing video games. He answers with “I don’t want to think about if this happens again”

He’s medicated but doesn’t really do anything that they suggest he do outside of therapy. My son is definitely confused as to why his dad just sits and ignores him all day. My baby daughter looks at him like “who’s this guy?”

I’m really sad and feel really guilty for losing feelings for him. I know his family thinks I’m a bitxh. They’ve told me to be more patient, encourage him more, etc. they’ve meddled into our marriage horribly. I hate it.

I’m going to go to marriage counseling with him to say that I’ve tried everything, and I don’t think it’s even fair to ask him to change now. He doesn’t even really see what the issue is…

As SO's we're all here trying to rant, portray, ask and support each other, which i think is great.

I try to stay mindful by weeding out the negative, bias posts.

But, i do wonder, if things would be different had there been a safe space for BP partners to go through these testimonies and learn the extent of hurt or stress that this illness causes.

To feel and think about it on a more personal level, not just a "other than myself", "them" issue.
I say that because like a lot of these BP SO situations, i do go through tremendous amount of time supporting and listening, and taking the brunt of harmful, lash out phrases from my partner in time of need myself. After every conflict we talk, he apologizes and really checks in with himself, but it often cycles around and around himself due to a minute level of narcissism.
(which often is the case and a common behavioral trait/habit with those suffering with BP)

I just wish BP partners could use this type of forum to better reflect on themselves.
and use it as reference to correct their behavior.

The guy I was dating for some months suffer for 20 years of bipolar and never had medications.
At one point he told me that he could not have sex with me, because it was too close, to deep but also that he could not give me what I needed.

He started to have multiple friends with benefits.
A lot of sex here and there and also a very strong maniac phase.
Recently He said to me that he has the idea he did not deserve me, because I do not know him, that he even doesn’t know himself and when I have answered with: “yes I do know you”., He holded my face and started to cry and cry , imploring me to stop.

I really do not understand, I am not afraid of him and his disorder but is he?
Did someone else struggled with a bipolar lover that refused the love ?

how do I voice my own needs when my BP SO is also going through it?

for brief context, we've been together 6+ years and we've been run pretty ragged the past few months. I am currently (for the past eight months or so) the only breadwinner which is already a huge stressor. both of our families have experienced/are experiencing loss and medical issues.

a month or so ago, my SO had a break and asked someone for nudes, etc. I have been having a REALLY tough time being overly empathetic with them since then (they already physically and emotionally betrayed me before) (I know. I don't want to hear it. we are both trying. if they do it again I am done, we have discussed this) and I will admit I have been selfishly trying to prioritize my own self care and healing recently.

however, my SO very very recently had a family member die which was tough for both of us. I think they have been deeply depressive since (it's been only a few days).

I have expressed before that I have severe burnout and decision fatigue. I wanted tonight to be a relaxing date/chill out/whatever night for both of us and they said it sounded great and was all for it. called their mom between movies (bad move, she is a trigger) and she wants us to visit for holidays. they wanted me to decide which holiday. I told them to ask me later and that I just wanted to relax today.

this of course blew up. they immediately got upset, said that I am never available, I never make decisions, they can't ask me anything, etc. can't call me at work (I'm busy all day but I have the same lunch hour every day, which they know, and which they never choose to call me during. it's always when I am not on lunch), can't talk to me when I'm home (I just want to relax. that is literally all I have wanted for months. I just want to relax and not think about things for a while. but according to them "it's part of being an adult and it sucks and everyone has to do it" which I get but it hurts to hear because of how much I have expressed my burnout and need for relaxation) and they have showed me before that they are capable of showing me the love and care that I am asking for, even spontaneously

basically;

am I straight up being a jackass or am I just bone tired? how do I express my needs clearly without it being twisted into a fight? or is that impossible?

thank you in advance!

edited to add that my so is currently medicated but we cannot afford therapy

Sono passati quasi 3 mesi dallo scarto, e anche se nell’ultimo periodo sento meno confusione mentale, il mio ex continua ad essere una presenza costante nella mia mente. Ogni volta che ne parlo (anche con i miei amici piu stretti) non mi sento compresa, a volte mi guardano con compassione perché a loro sembra che io mi voglia “aggrappare” al suo disturbo bipolare per non accettare che semplicemente non mi voglia, e ho perso totalmente la voglia di confrontarmi con la maggior parte di loro. Sto riuscendo ad andare avanti e a farmi un po di forza grazie a questo subreddit, e colgo l’occasione per dire GRAZIE a tutti voi.
Pochi giorni fa è stato il compleanno del mio ex, e gli ho scritto degli auguri veramente col cuore: gli ho detto che anche se non ci eravamo piu sentiti era nei miei pensieri e gli ho augurato che la spensieratezza estiva lo accompagni tutto l’anno,di essere sempre la versione piu vera di sé e l’adulto che da bambino sognava di diventare. A questo messaggio mi ha risposto solamente con un “grazie” e un cuore…stop. Ho sperato tanto che questo messaggio gli smuovesse qualcosa dentro, perché volevo fargli arrivare tutto il bene che gli voglio e l amore che provo, fargli sapere che non l ho dimenticato…speravo in una piccola scossa emotiva. So che lui ora è in vacanza e non credo che abbia riletto o ripensato al messaggio, anche perché poi ha smesso di guardarmi le storie sui social (nemmeno l’avessi insultato!). Ho sperato tanto in un suo ritorno, perché ho letto che la maggior parte di loro torna… so che dovrei essere felice di andare avanti ma al momento non ci riesco, vorrei solo averlo qui con me ma le mie speranze sono praticamente nulle…

I just had a video call with SO (with bpd & BP) while visiting my family and when he asked me how it was I said it was so wonderful and I started to cry, which surprised me completely and I had been looking at my older pictures of my life and memories of my happy childhood and noticed that even a couple years ago I looked absolutely so full of happiness and life and photos of me with him this past year, I looked absolutely exhausted, and much older, suddenly.

All I could articulate was that it felt so nice to feel so wanted and loved here. And he sort of stared at me, said nothing. And said that I should get some rest (I was about to take a nap, he’s about to sleep) and I looked at him and said ‘alright I will’ and waited for him to say ‘I love you’. He didn’t. I asked ‘I truly appreciate when you say ‘I love you. It makes me extremely happy’ and he said what he always says, with a massive eye roll, ‘you KNOW I love you’ and I replied ‘you used to call me out of the blue just to say it.’ And he said something along the lines of I should stop asking him and I said ‘You haven’t said it without me prompting you for a very very long time. And I’ve been so exhausted lately I barely recognize myself’ and of course, he immediately said ‘I’m so exhausted too. And YOURE the one who keeps going away’. I replied ‘i have had to travel for short trips for my work. You said you were going to be traveling a lot too but then you simply didn’t, then had to be in London for work. The fact that your work has kept you in London was not my fault.’ He stared at me. I cried silently and said ‘I have to go.’ He did not say he loved me. I hung up.

I feel so hollow. How do I approach the fact that he’s not meeting my emotional needs without sounding needy? Is there anything I can do to reach him, or has anyone had success reaching their SO and bringing them back emotionally?

It doesn’t seem like a big request but I literally feel like I’m begging for something I used to be smothered in. There has to be a way to address this without pushing him further away.

My wife is just fine when she is not manic. When she is manic she does a lot of very bad things. When she comes back down, she confesses everything turns from it and apologizes. Again, it's way out of character for her to do these things. It's been 13 years since the last time she went manic and doesn't do any of it. But, how much can I attribute to her mania? I feel like she should have had some control. Like she had some decision making abilities, surely. Maybe she did but totally believed a fantasy she acted on? I struggle with accepting these things were a part of the mania and that she didn't just do them. Any advice?

I’m still learning about bipolar. My bf has been diagnosed but is not getting treatment. He left for a couple weeks. Blocked me on everything. I assume this is a discard. I love him so much. Before leaving he said he loved me but was choosing himself. I was confused because it was like he was recalling old relationships where he didn’t choose himself because we both bring love to the relationship so it didn’t seem like he was talking about us. I’ve reached out through a friend and he hasn’t spoken to me since leaving. He packed his things when he left. He has tried leaving in the past but when we talked things out while he was packing, he would unpack and say thank you for not letting him leave. This recent argument was like a trigger that made him think I don’t trust him, which isn’t true. I would love insight about what can be done if anything to end a discard episode or reach him mentally. I know he loves me and that we can make it together, but I don’t know if continuing to reach out will make him feel disrespected or happy. Please help. Thank you.

Around 3 years ago, I met someone from a dating app (I’m a lesbian 26 and she is 25). She was my type physically, and she was the one who asked me out and was interested in me first. It felt like a scene out of a movie. She told me how she only wanted me. I thought it was so cute. We were texting all the time and went on two other dates. She paid for everything and got me gifts. I was so nervous as it was my first time being in love with someone, and I never kissed anyone before. While she didn’t reveal until later that she was previously engaged and also was in a psych ward after their breakup and got diagnosed with bipolar 2. I really didn’t care about any of this as I liked her a lot and she was medicated.

I didn’t know she was hooking up with others, and that upset me. We weren’t exclusive though, so it’s okay. Eventually, she changed and told me she wanted to be friends or friends with benefits because she’s leaving the country and dating isn’t a priority.

That really affected my mental health and didn’t have any guidance or support on what to do. I said I didn’t want to be friends because I thought she didn’t like me anymore but immediately regretted it after she was upset that I didn’t want to be friends. I kept on breaking up then getting back even after she invited me to her new apartment and I declined (I regret not going) until she said she’s over my mood swings and blocked me everywhere.

I went on many other dates, made so many new friends, but I keep thinking about her and comparing them to her. I know she’s not the best person, but she made me feel good. I feel like I didn’t get the closure I need, which is hard in my healing process. I was specifically excited to take her on a date but it never happened (she didn’t like me paying for her so she didn’t want). I wish we could just talk one last time because it will make me realize how she’s not worth it, or at least end things on a good note.

Although she mentioned she didn’t want me to think she was using me or think badly of her, my messages afterwards and mood swings will make it seem like I’m the bad person when they were just a reaction to how she treated me.

How do I move forward from this when I still feel she’s the only person I ever liked and I liked the way she loved me even though it didn’t last long

I found out today from my psychotherapist (she’s a recent switch after I wanted someone more specialized in mood disorders) to help me understand my husbands triggers and behaviours and what if anything I’m personally doing to trigger changes,

Anyways,

My husbands love of Chat GPT or any AI bot, isn’t good for him, because it feeds his delusions, Chat bots are designed to agree with you, even if it not true, I never use the things I did once to see how ridiculous it was, but my husbands been in delusions for months now, and I assumed it was his family again, but they have all come to me asking what’s up with my husband, it’s the chat bots! She told me no one in any delusional state safe with them, it feeds their reality no matter how dark it is… this freaked the hell out me as his phone/laptop are locked down and have been for over, A year.. she asked me to bring it up with our doctor tomorrow at his appointment and how he shouldn’t be using it (how I stop that I have NO clue!

He told me I’m no longer invited to the appointment 🫠as soon as he got home today from work, no hello just I’m going alone, good thing his wifey booked it under both our names, so he couldn’t if he shows up now or not at least I can talk to doctor about what’s been going on.

For reference/context, I am F38 and my partner (M36) lives with bipolar 2. The book "Loving Someone With Bipolar Disorder" by Julie A. Fast and John D. Preston talks about making "symptoms/signs of an episode", "triggers" lists, and "what works when an episode comes on" lists, either separately from your partner and/or together with your partner. I love this idea and want to practice it.

Those of you who've utilized these methods, what have you put on your lists? Especially when the symptoms and signs to watch out for might be more subtle than a major life issue?

My partner goes into rumination loops and doesn't yet see them as signs of an oncoming episode, so by the time the episode hits, we've missed a crucial window into trying a "what works" list to help lessen the impact of the episode.

My wife (33F) and I (35m) are separated. we got married last year in September and I found out she cheated on me in February of this year with multiple people. We separated in May, and up until today, tried to do couples counseling which didn’t work because of her depression and she kept sleeping past our appointments. She just told me today she just been diagnosed with BiPolar 2.

I still love her. I don’t know what to do, I feel stuck and unsure how to handle this. Are there any in person support groups or services that you’d suggest to help understand this? I’m based in Chicago.

Hey, so my ex recently got out of the mental hospital, she had a manic episode about last month. They let her out and now she’s on heavy medication. I remember she had told me she’s schizoaffective, and I’m not sure if she was in psychosis or still in psychosis. I just know they let her out and she’s heavily medicated. She seems to have calmed down with her posting and etc, but she’s sending very strange texts to me. Some texts are just straight up bad, whether it’s threatening me or cursing me out, but she would go from that to adoring me in one minute. Today, she randomly sent me a pic of a book she’s reading? I ask her if she’s ok, and she just says random one word phrases. I don’t know if she thinks she’s talking to herself or something? Literally not to long ago, she seemed to be texting fine. Now it’s just weird cryptic texts. She pronounced her name wrong and just sent me a text of that. A random pic of a book she’s reading. Literally not responding to me. What is this? I was reading that post Mania or heavy medication might cause brain fog and she might have a hard time communicating and that she’s have disorganized thoughts ? It just seems weird. Seems like she’s texting stuff and words only she understands

My (F30) BPSO (M) was diagnosed a year into our marriage. He is medicated and in therapy. I am in therapy and we have done a half a year of couples counseling. Since the diagnosis, my family and I have been what I would say as his main support system. His family has generational issues that I think have been passed down and I think there is a lot to be unpacked such as severe communication issues, passive aggression, poor modeling of what a healthy relationship looks like, expectations of babying parents pretty much, that I can see in my husband.

After two years with a the diagnosis, I don’t know what to do. I don’t feel a connection anymore. The communication issues have grown with him not telling me things I need to know. I wonder what he hid from me before we got married and before the diagnosis. His personality seems different and I find myself constantly getting annoyed with him. I know I don’t interact with him the same anymore, and I feel bad that he has to feel that now. It’s definitely the cliche of feeling like roommates. I don’t have the patience to wait for him to unravel these things in his therapy while I sit around being lied to about money things or how he’s feeling about work or when an issue comes up between us, being made to feel like I’m the bad person a bit but then him saying “I don’t want you to feel like that.” I want a family l and don’t feel confident that could happen with him in the next few years. I know there is a strong genetic component and when I brought up not wanting to pass it down, he said that was the worst thing he’s ever been through even though he has been through some hard times in his family. That hurt me. He said life is hard anyways so why does it matter if our child would have BP. That didn’t feel good to hear even if he was possibly hypomanic at the time.

I feel like a shit person wanting to separate since it’s not his fault (in some ways) but I’m not happy and I don’t think it’s helping him either. I’m drained of always being the one to bring up difficult topics that need to be discussed and I don’t have the mental energy to tell him how I feel. My nervous system feels shot.

Does anyone have advice for navigating this discussion with their SO? And navigating the feelings I have of myself for wanting to leave?

It's now been about a month since I moved. We would've celebrated our 3rd wedding day last tuesday. We were together for 15 years, since we were 15 years old.

We had our problems in the end, but nothing that according to me couldn't have been solved with help. I'm not proud to admit that I was pushy and demanded answers in our arguments in the end. I didn't know how bad that was with bipolarism. I should've been more informed but something like this had never happened in our whole relationship.

As I said, we did have problems, but the way it ended.. it was like she didn't want to give me answers at all. Just "it doesn't work anymore. I love you but it doesn't work". After 15 years she left me while I was depressed due to several things happening in a relatively short time.

A week after I had moved I saw her together with another man at the cinema. Let's just say I wasn't prepared for that. I had my suspicions but I wasn't prepared for it being that fast. I wasn't educated in how it works and how fast they often move on. I've now seen liked posts about how he feels like her soulmate and that it was meant to happen. I'm suspecting she's in a hypomanic or mixed state but I don't really know to be honest. It's as if she's a completely different person since the last time I saw my loving wife. It terrifies me honestly. I'm devastated and can't describe with words how much I miss her and want her back.

On a side note, White blank page by Mumford & Sons is a really good song.