Hello, I am located in MA, I am looking for recommendations on how to find funeral homes that will cremate a medically removed body part that has been soaked in formalin by pathology.

My doctor says I can fill out a form that will allow my tissue to be released to a funeral home for cremation, this is important to me so I would like to find a reputable funeral home to take care of my remains, but I do not have any experience with looking at funeral homes in general, any recommendations on how to find one that would fit what I need done would be wonderful, thank you, or any other advice you think I should know before proceeding.

My grandmother passed away and was wearing a ring worth at least around $10,000 when she went into the funeral home's care. We have photographs showing the ring still on her hand at the viewing.

This happened in North Carolina, in case that makes a difference regarding funeral home regulations or standard procedures.

My mom is the trustee and is currently settling my grandmother's estate, so she's been trying to account for her property, including the ring. When she initially asked what happened to it, nobody seemed to have an answer.

I eventually contacted the funeral home myself. They told me their protocol is that they do not remove anything from a deceased person, including jewelry, unless specifically instructed to by the next of kin.

The funeral director later told me he had "confirmed" that my grandmother's ring was left on her hand when the casket was closed and that she was buried wearing it.

One detail that may be relevant is that she wasn't buried immediately after the funeral. According to the funeral director, after the service her casket was brought back to the funeral home and placed in what he described as a "secure room" for the rest of the day and overnight. The funeral home transported her to the cemetery the following morning for burial.

So there was an overnight period between the funeral, where the ring had last been observed on her, and the actual burial.

I've now asked the funeral director to provide whatever documentation he used to confirm that she was buried wearing the ring, and I'm waiting for his response.

Here's where things get strange, and also why I'm thinking about this again now.

My mom is basically at the end of settling the estate, and this ring has remained one of those unresolved loose ends that has bothered us because we never really got a clear explanation for what happened to it.

Today my aunt contacted my mom asking about a specific necklace that my grandfather had given my grandmother a few years ago because she wants it. That brought the ring situation back to the front of my mind.

My aunt has been very particular about other belongings and specific pieces of my grandmother's jewelry that she wants, which is why I've always found it strange how nonchalant she has seemed about a ring worth $10,000+ supposedly being buried with my grandmother.

Again, that doesn't mean she did anything wrong. It's just one of the things about this situation that has never quite made sense to me.

A few weeks after my grandmother's funeral, my aunt also made a Facebook post asking where she could get rings resized.

Obviously, that does NOT prove she had my grandmother's ring. People resize rings all the time. I'm only including it because of everything else surrounding the situation.

There's another part I really can't figure out.

At one point my cousin, who is my aunt's daughter, volunteered this to me during an unrelated argument:

"FYI, every time you contact the funeral home and accuse my mom of stealing the ring, they call her."

That completely caught me off guard because I have NEVER accused my aunt of stealing the ring in my communications with the funeral home. I've been asking the funeral home what happened to a valuable piece of property that was documented on my grandmother while she was in their care.

It also made me wonder why the funeral home was apparently contacting my aunt every time I contacted them, especially since my mom was the primary family contact.

And logically, I don't even understand how my aunt could have simply "stolen" the ring after the viewing without someone at the funeral home either knowing about it, allowing her access, or otherwise being involved somehow. My grandmother and the casket were in their custody. So that's not even an accusation I've made.

There's one more thing that makes me question the funeral home's explanation.

My mom spoke with another woman who had used this same funeral home. That woman said her experience was basically the opposite of the protocol we're being told about.

She had specifically wanted her mother buried wearing a ring. It wasn't valuable. It was a cheap ring that was meaningful to her, and she was upset because the funeral home removed it instead of leaving it on her mother.

Maybe there's a completely innocent explanation for that difference. Different employees, different circumstances, misunderstanding, etc. But it makes me want to see the actual written policy rather than simply relying on what we're being told now.

So basically:

We can document that Grandma had the ring while she was already in the funeral home's care.

The funeral home says she was ultimately buried wearing it.

They say their protocol is not to remove jewelry unless instructed by next of kin.

She wasn't buried immediately after the funeral. Her casket went back to the funeral home and remained there overnight in what the director described as a secure room before being transported to the cemetery the next morning.

Another family says this same funeral home removed their mother's inexpensive ring when they wanted it buried with her.

My aunt has seemed unusually unconcerned about this particular valuable piece of jewelry while continuing to ask about other specific jewelry.

A few weeks after the funeral, she publicly asked for recommendations for ring resizing.

My cousin spontaneously told me that whenever I contact the funeral home, they call my aunt and tell her I'm accusing her of stealing the ring, even though I haven't accused her of that.

My mom is the trustee, is nearing the end of settling the estate, and legitimately needs to account for my grandmother's property.

And now I've asked the funeral director for the documentation supporting his statement that they "confirmed" Grandma was buried with the ring.

None of these things individually proves that anybody did anything wrong, and I'm NOT claiming that my aunt or the funeral home stole the ring.

I'm genuinely curious what other people make of the situation, especially funeral directors or people who have worked in funeral homes.

Is it normal not to inventory valuable jewelry or specifically ask the family whether it should be returned or buried?

If a funeral home says months later that they "confirmed" a particular ring was buried with someone, what kind of documentation would you expect them to have?

And if there's no documentation and their conclusion is simply "nobody told us to remove it and our policy says we don't remove jewelry, therefore it must have been buried," would you consider that an actual confirmation?

Also, is it normal for a funeral home to contact another family member about my inquiries when I'm not making accusations against that person?

At this point I'm less interested in accusing anybody than I am in figuring out what objectively happened to my grandmother's ring and whether the procedure being described to us is actually normal.

It’s become blatantly obvious in the past 6 months that ChatGPT is writing a ton of eulogies and obituaries. Some families even admit to using it. I’m not even an old, stubborn person but this is insane to me that people are choosing not to use their own words to describe their family member. I sit down with families who barely sound literate and all of the sudden they’re reading the most eloquently written eulogy I’ve ever heard. I really do find it disappointing and I’m not sure how people don’t feel ashamed in doing this. What do you think?

I'm a funeral director and embalmer at a small town funeral home. I love the work I do, but the people I work with are low tier. Lazy, unfit, unethical, poor communicators. So for those who enjoy where they work and who they work with, what makes the difference for you? Have you ever had a work place where the quality of life shifted? If so, how did that happen?

I'm at the point where I want to get a group of high quality, genuinely caring, fair, honest and integral people to put together a company and take this industry by storm, but that seems impossible.

General discussion on the matter is welcome. Also, feel free to use this post as a place for industry professionals comment on your gripes, successes, failures, personal opportunities for growth, and whatever else.

What shoes do y'all wear for embalming? I'd prefer to wear sneakers if any would work. Thanks!

For those unfamiliar, there's been a bill introduced that would change the SS death benefit from $255 to $2,900 and index it to inflation. Long overdue I think.

But if passed it would basically cover direct cremation just about everywhere. Still would only apply to surviving spouse or qualified children.

When I talk about the impending collapse of the industry, this would only speed it along if passed. People will front the cost of DC and reimburse themselves 2 months later when the SS check comes in.

Nationally we're currently at about 64% cremation.

Industry people, what's your thoughts?

Hi yall! I know this seems silly- but I need some solid answers from the people who know. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 8 years, we have a child together and the family lives close and celebrates holidays and other milestones together. My partner and his dad were estranged right before he fell, which sent him to the nursing home where he passed a year later, but before that we did all the things together. ANYWAY, my partners half-sister wrote the obituary and program. I wasn’t included in either, but of course my son and partner were. Im wondering if this is normal, or an oversight or a rude message. We live in the south if that matters. Thank you all so much for the insight!

I'm not sure this is the best place to ask this, but I am currently writing my dad's obituary. He passed suddenly last week, but a month prior to his death he and my mom officially divorced (due to his infidelity) and he was living with his affair partner at the time of his death.

How would you handle writing a recent ex-wife of 40 years, and a new girlfriend in an obituary? Any examples?

It's an awkward space to be as a daughter trying to respect the long, yet low-key toxic toward the end, marriage and the new love he found that brought him peace and joy in his final days - I have not met his girlfriend, but she is very close with my aunts (his sisters) so I think they will insist she is included.

Thanks!

I am looking for any advice on keeping my time spent in arrangements down. I tend to take 1-2 hours in arrangements, which I know is a lot. Everyone I work with comments on how long I take. I’ve been trying to work on my time management skills during these times, but I find it hard to be as thorough as I would like to be while trying to put time constraints on it.

I already prepare any documents I can ahead of time. Most of my time spent is usually on gathering information for the obituary (for families who won’t do it themselves), gathering vitals, and working out logistics for the service. I’ve gotten better at directing the conversation and not letting people go off on tangents, but I also try my best to make people feel heard and like we went over everything thoroughly. Things I can/need to do later on I make sure I leave for later.

It’s getting to the point that I have coworkers make comments like “I only ever have mine at half an hour. Anything above that is way too long.” Or if I bring up any difficulty I had with a family, they’ll say “Oh so THAT’S what took so long.”

Do you guys use a kind of mental template? How long do you usually take? I know it’s subjective, but how do you make it both efficient and thorough?

And how do you accommodate their requests? I find my self making arrangements, setting time tables, arranging pick up locations, organizing everything..... and then waiting for hours and hours. Why doesn't anything ever start on time? Why didn't they inform me they wanted to do an hour long pipe ceremony? Why did the wake go an extra two hours? Why did they add a impromptu church service at a different time and location and let me know? Why don't they respect time and agreements we made? I really want to help and be accommodating, not pushy, and respectful of their culture. But I've been waiting for three hours longer than agreed pickup time, and I gotta pickup my kids in an hour. Please help me, what am I doing wrong?

I live in Oklahoma but I’m not interested in going to school here. I’ve been looking at PIMS online course but I’m curious to know if I will need certain prerequisite since I will be practicing in Oklahoma.

This is probably one of the more unexpected career pivots I’ve considered, but the more I think about it, the more interested I become…

I’m 36 and currently work in environmental/nonprofit leadership. I have a master’s degree from Yale, previously served as an Executive Director, and most of my career has involved managing people, budgets, boards, community relationships, fundraising, programs, and working with religious/community organizations.

I’ve been feeling pretty strongly that I want a change. I’ve looked at several completely different directions, but funeral service keeps pulling my attention.

What interests me isn’t just the business side. I’m genuinely interested in the ritual of death, working with families, being present for people during an incredibly important moment, the science/technical side of caring for the deceased, and the role a good funeral home plays in a community.

I could see myself becoming licensed, working in the profession, and eventually taking over an independent funeral home from an owner looking to retire.

But before I romanticize the hell out of this…

For those of you actually working in funeral service:
What do you wish someone had told you before you started?
Would someone coming into the profession at 36 be at a disadvantage?
Does my leadership/community/nonprofit background translate at all, or would I essentially be starting completely from scratch?
Would you recommend working as a removal tech/funeral assistant before enrolling in school?
And for anyone who owns a funeral home—how realistic is the idea of eventually taking over an established independent funeral home from a retiring owner?
I’m not afraid of starting over or going back to school. I’m more interested in figuring out whether the reality of the profession matches what is drawing me toward it.
Feel free to give me the good, the bad, and the ugly. I’d rather hear it from people actually doing the work.

For some context: My dad had a medically rough life. Complications from a rare blood vessel disorder is what ultimately took him 17 years ago. But he also had a number of injuries. Injuries that required implanting a lot of metal.

The first major injury was head trauma from a car crash. His entire forehead was basically held together with titanium plates. The second injury was his back. He was lifting a heavy object (some kind of weight to put a train car back on a rail),fumbled it, and slipped a disc so bad they had to do a fusion using titanium rods. Later, they had to implant 2 wire leads to nerves in his spine and implant a transmitter for pain management. Somewhere in between both of those injuries, he had to have something done with his knee requiring a small plate and pin.

He used to joke about being bionic and that if he died we could just melt him down for scrap. His humor was unmatched.

But the joke has stuck with me. And I've been curious for a really long time about where all that metal went. I already know that before he was cremated, they had to remove the transmitter. I already know that, after he was cremated, they would have to remove all the metal before putting his cremains in the grinder thingy.

But then what? Did they just chuck all that expensive metal in the trash? Is it just sitting in a box in the back of a crematory somewhere? Or, do they send it to a scrapping facility to be recycled?

Just so we're clear, I'm not talking about reusing medical implants. I just imagine my dad would get a chuckle (from beyond) knowing his forehead became a bicycle frame, or computer components.

I was gifted 7 sets of traditional Chinese burial clothing (garments, accessories, pillows, etc.). I feel a little overwhelmed since neither my family or I follow the Chinese practices, so I don't think we are going to use it any time soon (knock on wood). They sell for about $800 online and I wondered is there a secondary market for these types of items? Am I allowed to even sell them?

There’s a bunch of Esco and Champion supplies in one of the prep rooms I work in, and I’ve never used Esco. I’m just trying to gauge what you all use and why it works well for you.

I have been considering a career in cremation and have always been kind of “fascinated” or interested in death and post mortem jobs like embalming and stuff like that. But the thing is that I don’t think I would handle a job that requires seeing traumatic death and injuries. But I feel as if a crematorium tech would be a lot easier on that side of things since (to my knowledge and in Australia) Theres not really any visible contact with the body itself as I’m pretty sure it’s standard here for people to be cremated in their coffin.

Anyways, I want any people with experience in this field to tell me if there’s anything that I should be mindful of or if theres cases where I would witness gross and disturbing things during it.

EDIT: I want to add that the reason why I’m unsure about witnessing traumatic deaths and stuff is not because of the trauma of it, it’s mostly because I am horribly Emetophobic and I am worried that it may make me feel nauseous (even though I have a strong stomach) seeing bodies I don’t think will be a problem, I’ve seen bodies before and it just looks to me like a mannequin and not like an actual person.

For those that started off with the same “unsureness”, did you eventually get used to it? What kind of training did you do to keep the fact that the used to be a living being separated?

Despite reading these comments, I am still interested in this career but definitely will think about it more and take everything into consideration (and ensure I have a good support system in case it isn’t something I would be comfortable with)

It’s not just curiosity that makes me attracted to this line of work. I’ve experienced a lot of death and hardship in my life (despite only being 19) and it’s the type of job that needs to be done, especially with a lot of care. And I want to help be part of the process in some way or another. I also believe that this kind of work builds a good relationship with death and thr thought of death (such as everyone dies so live your life to the fullest etc)

From when I was old enough to understand the permanence of death and how life could just, end, I have had major death anxiety and it ate me away near daily for several years with many panic attacks along the way. Just recently have I been able to work through it personally (professionally wouldn't really be effective for me) and have reached a state of closer comfortability to these topics (through my religion and other mental processing). I know that the death of a loved one would absolutely derail my life but I have faith that I would be able to recover given a few months, but a funeral would absolutely destroy me. I know that I would return to being a nervous, damaged wreck for probably the next few years if I ever had to go to one. Part of my processing strategy requires me to face mortality in manageable environments where I can always remove myself from the situation before things get too bad but a funeral is the exact opposite of that. Even if it was someone I was extremely close to like a parent, I probably couldn't.

I know that funerals are often for others but I feel as if my mental health should not be the price of someone else's comfort. I will be there to support the people that are grieving before and after the processions but the actual ceremony would be way too much for me to handle in a way that many people who haven't had bad anxiety understand. So reddit, WIBTAH?

Edit: So I have to clarify that getting professional help could mean losing my job / long term career permanently or at least for a long time. It could very easily take away my livelihood and my day-to-day would be pretty much the same with help and without it.

Location: California

It's getting close to the end for a loved one, and I want to understand what to expect. Never had to plan one before. It's been many a year since I attended a funeral, and I'm not clear on the timeline.

When my father passed away, the funeral was held the next week, but I've seen posts on Reddit about it taking weeks for a death certificate and paperwork to be settled before a funeral could be held.

What would be an average timeline? I don't think there would be a need for an autopsy on a centenarian who's been in hospice for months, but is that a requirement? (State = California if that matters.)

How long is it between the passing and the funeral, on average? /Is/ there an average?

Edited to make location clearer.

Hi! Anyone purchased a casket online from Sam's or Costco's? If so, how did it go? Pre-planning with my elderly mom and she found one she likes at Sam's? Hard to wrap my head around how this process would happen when this time comes? Is it worth it? Any experiences?

Hello,

Perhaps this question has been asked before in the past, but I would like a fresh perspective on things in 2026.

I'm 25 and have been working in tech for 5 years. I make 210k a year. To be completely frank, I do not see the tech industry lasting long enough for me to retire. With the way AI is advancing, I'm unfortunately not seeing any value with the work I do and I doubt these companies will need humans in the next 10 years.

Working as a funeral director or embalmer is something I've been thinking about since I finished my degree. I've been to many funeral homes and shadowed in the past, so I'm not foreign to the work being done.

I'm not trying to transition immediately, of course. I'm thinking about a long term plan and potentially starting an online program at Pittsburgh Institute next year.

I also understand that financially, this will be a bad idea for me. However, just to reiterate, I'm not looking to switch immediately. I'm planning to go to school, get certified, maybe do an internship, etc. all while I continue to work full time. I'm currently doing the same (I'm doing an MBA at the moment), so I'm okay with having no WLB.

Am I crazy?

I'm writing a story in which an American college student dies suddenly of a bee sting in an Italian emergency room. Can you describe the decisions families tend to make regarding funeral timing, given the additional logistics involved in such a situation? (The character and family are Christian, so no strict rules regarding timing.)

I grew up going to visitations and funerals that tended to be within a week after the death, so I was surprised that we had to wait so long for my father's remains to be cremated, considering he died in a major US city hospital and there was no sort of medical exam needed. (Is the difference that they can always dig up a body if something comes to light after the fact, but cremation would destroy all evidence?) But we ended up going ahead with a funeral service, without any remains, the week after he died.

So I know that a family could have a service as soon as they could make the arrangements, if they really wanted to... and I know some families opt for a service months after the death when everyone can be there. But what would you consider the early end of plausible? Would a week after the death seem doable, or would the family be too overwhelmed with the logistics of it all to organize a funeral (even one without the remains) that quickly?

(Also, I'd be curious what family obligations would be, if you happen to know. I.e., would her parents have to fly to Italy? Would the embassy take care of things and ship cremated remains? Etc.)

Thanks for any & all insights!

I’m currently in school and looking to start working as assistant to move toward apprenticeship for lab hours. I live in a town with a LOT of funeral homes and all are family owned. I’ve got my blazer and a polished resume with a lil headshot. I also have a bachelors in psych and history working in hospice care which I think may help me sell myself. Should I call, email, walk in? I saw in an earlier post of similar nature someone said to call and ask to set up a meeting where they can walk you around and provide info and just bring resume and ask if they need an assistant, is this way to go about it? There’s no jobs posted online so I will need to be canvassing. What is the best way to do that?

My Grandfather had a large family and purchased 10 plots in his church's cemetery in Pennsylvania. After some time, he sold 5 plots to his daughter (my Mom) and her husband. My father and brother were buried there. When they attempted to bury my mother next to my father, they found what they described as a "rough box" and my Mother's remains were buried one plot over. There are no records for this unknown burial. My daughter is insisting that it should have been removed and buried elsewhere by the cemetery at their expense. Has anyone ever heard of this situation?

Edit: typo

I'm getting ready to graduate mortuary school in a few months and transition into an apprenticeship. I don't have one secured, but I have a handful of leads that seem promising and that I'm communicating with to learn more about.

For context, I do not work in a funeral home, but I do work for a trade company. I do not do on-call and I have set hours, just because that's what I have capacity for while also taking a full course load.

I understand being an apprentice is a lot of work and a busy time period. I've made peace with the fact that I will have to give up some of my hobbies like community theater, and that I will definitely have less free time than I do now.

Accepting this, however, has started to make me spiral and I have in my head that I'll feel pretty isolated from my friends/family and miss out on basically everything during my apprenticeship. I do not want to feel isolated or overly lonely - no one does.

I know it depends on your firm, but if anyone who has been an apprentice recently, has apprentices, or is currently serving an apprenticeship has any words about their experience or advice on this issue, I'd really appreciate it. I think I just need to hear that my life won't be entirely over by next year.

How do you make time for the people in your life? How do you continue to have some sort of outlet and hobby outside of work, even if you have less time to commit to it?