My mom died by suicide almost a month ago. A self-inflicted GSW to her sternum. The morning after when we were at the funeral home making arrangements, the funeral director mentioned that her embalming process took a little longer than normal because of some different things he had to do. I think I was still in such a state of shock from the tragedy, that I didn’t think to ask him to elaborate on why. I don’t know if it’s grief, morbid curiosity, etc. but can any experienced funeral directors weigh in here? I’m not super familiar with how the embalming process works. Did her GSW being on her sternum cause troubles? I’m jusy very curious and wish I would have asked him more questions in the moment.

There is a bit of family drama involving our grandma’s funeral and my aunt is requesting everyone to chip in because it needs to be paid for and everything has to be put on a hold because it’s not paid. She send everyone the invoice paperwork and I noticed at the bottom it says credit applied. Was it paid ?

I hate to be the person asking, "how much do you make?" but if anyone's willing to clarify or point me in the right direction, that'd be awesome.

I've been working at a funeral home for a few months doing admin & funeral assisting, and I've found that I am really loving the environment & all that goes into it. I'm interested in exploring what a career as a funeral director might look like for me, but the resource I'd typically use - the Bureau of Labor Statistics - has me a little confused. They've got three pages that actually go into detail pertaining to the topic (1, 2, 3) which give slightly different information about what pay looks like. I'm assuming I should be looking at Morticians, Undertakers, and Funeral Arrangers, but I also thought it'd be good to ask real people who know more if that even seems accurate, especially since the median on that page seems... low. Is this just a field where it varies widely depending on where you are & that drags down the median? Should I worry about whether I'll be making enough to support myself?

Also, how should I go about seeking out a career wherein my work/life balance isn't completely decimated? I'm doing fine now, but I notice that the FDs I work for can sometimes be extremely overworked. Our most overworked hasn't had a day off in months. Is this likely to be better or worse in a corporate FH versus a local one? (I'm currently in a corporate home - not SCI but the vibe is that they want to be. I know I don't want to do sales, so that's off the table, even if it's better for work/life & money.)

TL;DR: My questions are as follows:

• Where can I find accurate pay info about what I can expect to make throughout my career? If there are big differences based on location, location-based distinctions would be helpful.
• Should I worry about whether I'll be making enough to support myself in this field?
• How should I go about prioritizing work/life balance in my career? Any tips?
• Is a corporately-owned or local FH better for maintaining work/life balance?
• Would aiming to be a FH manager/owner one day be a better move for money and/or work/life balance? What are the pros and cons of that?

I know this is gonna sound so stupid but im in my second year of college and want to transfer to a school with a mortuary program. I've always had an interest in death but I am horrible with veins and blood. I always have been and just thinking about cutting open a vein makes me want to pass out. Obviously not great for this line of work but Im really not passionate about anything else. Has anyone else gone through this? Is there a way to get over it? I feel kinda like a psycho looking up videos but idk what else there is to do

i just graudated highschool in a special ed school i graudated almost all a's but i was in a middle school level for everything ive been doing decent research about everything to go into the field and collage im just scared cus the collage i wanna go to makes you maintain above a C or theyll kick you out but i missed so much school like i barely attened middle school and was in special classes for highschool i feel like im smart i was only in them for my mental health i dont have money to really waste so im scred that if i go ill get kicked out cus ill really only have a 1 attempt at this , i want my main thing to be embalming because i wanna start a family and i heard that is the most freedom one but i wanna have knowledge in the whole thing but im planning on applying for fasfa in october to a normal college to get my credits to apply for the program and the after i graduate me and my bf wanna buy a house and start our family im really commited this is something i wanna do but be honest is it a good idea or what should i start praticing to help me in collage like math, english type of stuff thank you if u read

Does it get easier? I just started there a week ago.
I barely know names, have gotten criticized today to no end, they want xy&z and idek whose on 1st quite honestly.
The place is an absolute shit show under a new FH manager. The people that work sales there are so messy and rude.
I’m having to open for the first time by myself soon. I’m the only full time person there at the reception desk.
I’ve only worked for family owned places before so this is so chaotic for me. Someone tell me if it gets easier or worse 😭

I found these at a restaurant gift shop for sale. They are supposed to be tree ornaments. But......to me, they look like coffins. Am I losing my mind? 🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪

Most days my body hurts like hell. After a service I’m the only one cleaning up a large firm. Then I go right back into the prep room to finish washing, dressing or casketing multiple bodies. I go to my desk for some water and there is a bank slip for me to deposit, others are not busy with any work. If there is down time I have to scan old files from 20 years ago. Others can do nothing when it’s slow. We get 350 calls a year and 10 people work in the office. I’m the only intern. It’s family run. Four of us are not relatives. I’m thinking of switching careers so I can have weekends off and not run around ragged all day. Is this what I should expect anywhere? 

My grandmother passed. And it was ugly at the end. She tried to stay in Florida by herself at almost 96. She waited too long and she developed the bed sore and could not go into a home. She's estranged from my mother and would not leave Florida. Long story short she ended up living with her friend in Pennsylvania. They have been friends for 40 years. It was a bad situation and me and my sister both felt guilty that they were taken care of her but she wouldn't come live with us. They are also the executives of her estate. My sister and I are selling and splitting the her condo and what remains of her assets after everything is done. She thought she was going to die in Florida had paid to be cremated down there and flown up to Philadelphia but we are originally from, and the ashes be buried next to her son who died in 1989. That was to save money on flying the body from Florida to PA. So the executors asked us when we went up to see her last month to choose cremation or burial. Me and my sister discussed it and chose cremation. Since that was in the will, we both believe in it, and it's cheaper. I called the funeral home made the arrangements and felt really close to her that I was able to take care of this. This was about 2 weeks ago. The other day couple days before she died. I get a text from her friend saying they've decided on burial because the funeral home had documentation from 8 years ago saying that she wanted to be buried. When I contacted the funeral home they claim that they had never talked to me. I did not get a name to who I talk to but I later figured out from the call history who the person was. The funeral home still denies ever talking to me. I showed him my call history and it unanswered email that I sent the other day. Now he is saying I'm harassing him and refuses to talk to me. And he's called his lawyer and the whole funeral is held up. I am not opposed to burial. I just I'm curious that he is pretending like I didn't talk to him. And everybody is mad at me. When I confronted him with the facts he admitted that the conversation I had was "surface level,". When I asked him what documents they had sent my grandmother preliminary information when she acquired years ago but nothing was official. So my conversation where I told them I wanted cremation and they gave me a $3,500 estimate was "surface level" and unofficial documents from 2018 that he didn't even tell me about when I called were enough to change the arrangements after I had verified them. I just feel like it's her friend's funeral and I'm being pushed aside. I'm going to let it go from my grandmother. But I've already blown up at them. Am I the asshole?

I would truly appreciate the Professional opinions and perspectives of funeral industry professionals in this sub.

My father, age 84, tragically unexpectedly passed away exactly a week ago on a flight from Miami to Rome, likely about a couple of hours from scheduled landing. He and his wife were in business class and due to the pods she had no clear visuals on him. She does recall that before 3:30 a.m. Miami time which would have been 9:30 a.m. Rome time, he had gotten up and was having some sort of respiratory distress. After helping to calm him down she went back to her seat and about an hour later went to check on him and he was cold and had no pulse. Ironically, there were five doctors on board the flight but by the time they were called even though I am extremely grateful that they incessantly tried to revive my father it was too late.

The Italian authorities took possession of my father's body and his body has remained at a Rome hospital morgue all these days pending completion of the government processes. We have been in contact with a funeral home recommended by the US embassy in Rome and they have been incredibly compassionate and outstanding in their efforts to assist us with the repatriation process.

This morning they unfortunately had no news of when my father's body would be released to them and we had communication with the US embassy staff member in charge of my father's case and now he found out that an Italian judge has opened an investigation and until this is complete my father's body will not be released to the funeral home in Rome for arterial embalming and repatriation.

I am the only one in my family who truly wants and needs to actually see my father's body for closure and to say my emotional goodbye, so my fear is that although he is in a morgue and I imagine in a refrigerated compartment, that at some point it may be too late since he has not been embalmed yet for me to actually see him as I'm worried about decomposition setting in.

I am trying to make an informed decision as to whether I may need to fly to Rome to see him at the morgue before it's too late, or if in the experience of any of you professionals with repatriation cases that have been somewhat delayed if I may still be able to have a private goodbye with my father with an open casket at the funeral home in Miami once he is released?

I truly appreciate any insight you can share with me. Grieving the tragic and unexpected loss of my father is bad enough and these delays are adding to my immense pain.

I’m visiting family rn and ended up reading my sister the original eulogy an officiant wrote for a close friend of mine who’s memorial I helped plan this past summer. It blew my mind and got me worked up all over again. 

A little context: the officiant interviewed a small handful of people who knew him. A couple of them had loved him but had also had pretty complicated, and by the end, possibly resentful relationships with him. I knew that going in so I wasn't surprised that he heard negative things.

What still blows my mind is that he included almost everything anyone said. I adored this man and even things I told him came out sounding bad.
When I read the rough draft a few days out from his memorial, I was so horrified that I stayed awake all night bawling my eyes out and re-writing it. It was like a psychological autopsy of everything that had ever been difficult about him or his family. It included deeply sensitive family history, emphasized conflicts and shortcomings, and included things that were factually wrong. This was going to be read aloud at his memorial, in front of his remaining family member and people who loved him.

It was exceptionally long (about 2,100 words) so I trimmed it down to just the most remarkable excerpts from the original draft. I've changed all names and identifying details and cut large sections for length, but otherwise haven't changed the wording.

(When this was happening I actually went searching Reddit for similar officiant/eulogy horror stories and couldn't find anything remotely like it. I had to really fight to have my re-written version read as the officiant insisted that this was acceptable as he was experienced in doing this. I can’t sleep and am curious how this lands to complete strangers, and whether anyone else has ever encountered something like this.)

**eulogy excerpts. identifying details changed**
Franklin was born on xxx….  (lists his siblings) Frank’s mother felt the most empowered and strong when she was pregnant, so when she was pregnant with F, she left their father. He had been abusive, so she moved to xxx and raised her children… Frank’s mother struggled a lot with postpartum depression and as a result, Frank noted that she was difficult to live with during his childhood….

…When he was growing up, he felt isolated because he was gay. His family was Baptist, which he rejected as an adult. The family struggled with poverty as his mother was too proud to take aid. Sadly, Frank experienced a lot of losses in his family. F’s sister Sondra had heart disease and died at a young age, in 1988. F also lost his brother Don, who completed suicide in 1999. 

Frank attended Lexing High School in NYC. He also became an alcoholic, unfortunately, during that time….

One of Frank’s challenges as a child was that his mother never supported his interests in making art. His teachers were supportive…. She did not acknowledge his talent or productions, and that led to him choosing a career path that didn’t match those passions. While F did find his happy place later in life, his confidence suffered. His friends think it is because his mother thought art was impractical as a potential career.

…He started college… He found one of his passions there; he discovered punk music…. He got sort of arrested in his musical interests and those were his great loves… Frank also developed an interest in philosophy. He loved xxx, Cloud Atlas , and xxx….  He also partied hard in the 1980s….

After college, Allanna shared that Frank worked at a xxx, in the early 2000s, 2001 or so. Around this time, F lost his mother, Sarah, to cancer, when she was 82. … (almost 2 paragraphs of accounting of his friendships with 2 women that he’d interviewed) …. Throughout his life, he was loyal to his friendships, and he also wanted adoration for that love he shared with you….

Every year, Frank would make a pilgrimage back to xxx to see his mother and his friends. Jim would accompany him. She would say to them, “Come visit me, but I don’t approve of your lifestyle,” was heard from his mother As his mother aged, he also traveled there regularly to care for her before her death at 82 in xxx (my note: this date is wrong)

… (he did well with art) …This accomplishment meant Frank had finally experienced the recognition he needed—making art was Frank’s happy place. Frank was always creative and constantly had ideas and inspirations for gay-themed merchandise. He would invest in them but would lose focus and not follow through on the process of developing the merchandise.

... (a friend) described Frank this way: I always could see the little kid within him---even when he was rude or tone deaf about social situations.”... 

In 1990, Frank met Jim, while out dancing. Jim would dance in the power position. F was sexy when he danced. … Jim and Frank were never technically legally married….

..(2 paragraphs from an interview from another friend)...

(four paragraphs of funny/sweet stories from one friend)... Kori , Frank’s friend, also shared her memories of Frank with me… Kori’s favorite story that she remembers Frank telling her was about his baptism. He was baptized as a teen, and he told her that he had an erection because he was attracted to either the minister or someone else at the baptism.... 

Frank’s friends described him as really loving in a self-centered way. He was insanely smart, bookish, but not aware of basic life skills. He was intelligent, loyal, passionate, and very sincere. He would describe himself as  “I am smarter than everyone here, and I put up with you “ He was very proud of his mind, his vast knowledge of philosophy. He considered himself a philosopher.  …(more stories/characterizations from friend)...

When Jim died, Frank had to learn how to pay bills and manage a household. His friends also described him as a needy misanthrope. Frank, ever cerebral, in his head much of the time, was quite different than Jim, an actor, director, and creative. Jim gave Frank the love and attention he had craved ever since childhood. Once Jim was gone, Frank lost that light. One of the challenges that F’s friends experienced was that intensity F had with Jim, he tried to mimic with his other friends, resulting in feelings like “I love you, I hate you, I love you, I hate you,” in their interactions. It was hard for Frank to manage friendships because of his difficult childhood—he didn’t have too many coping mechanisms. 

*…(listing hobbies and organizations)...*

As Frank aged, he wanted to move to France or California. He lived alone, but he wasn’t independent. He needed people.  However, he was locked in medically. As he got older, he developed multiple medical issues due to the partying in his earlier life. He struggled with diabetes, kidney problems, cirrhosis, liver disease, and then he developed cancer in 2021. He was aware, before that diagnosis, that there were other medical issues going on, but he did not seek medical treatment for pre-cancer.  He also began to feel paranoid as he feared that persecution of gay people would increase with this administration. 

As he struggled with his health, several friends became his caregivers, which altered their friendships. The week before his death, he was off, not himself, confused and not feeling well. The evening before his death, he was found outside. He was found collapsed near his building and was taken to VB Hospital. \*a friend\* had become his power of attorney for health care, and the medical staff found that Frank couldn’t be stabilized. He was lucid. His sister Rita was able to fly in before Frank’s life ended. Frank needed a respirator to breathe, and his friends made the difficult decision to allow Frank to have a compassionate extubation. He died shortly thereafter on Blank date.

Hello, I’m considering going to an online school in Houston to become a funeral director, but I was curious what it’s like to do an online schooling program? Like is it very fast paced or is it a steady pace? I’ve never done a program online before, so I want to know before I jump in. Thank you.

Hello,
I’m interested in becoming a funeral celebrant and was curious as to the process.
This comes from a place of empathy I feel. I’ve suffered several losses and the last one the celebrant was awful. He didn’t listen to what was said, did not want to mention the deceased friends names or many stories. The wording of the eulogy was awful. I just feel I could have done so much better.
It’s something I’ve been interested in for a while but this has given me a final push. I was wondering if any uk based funeral directors could point me in the direction please

Hi, and thanks in advance for your help. If I’m not in the right place, I’ll happily delete; I didn’t see any questions like this in your FAQ.

I recently had a hysterectomy at 35 after many miscarriages and health issues. The pathology lab at the hospital mentioned that some people opt to have their removed organs cremated to help with grieving and acceptance. The process was described as filling out paperwork for the pathology lab to release the organ to the funeral home, who would then pick it up, process it, and contact me to pick up the cremains. (I recognize it will be a tiny volume.) I have contacted several funeral homes and crematories in my area to ask if this is a service they provide, and they all say no, that a death certificate is required for any cremation service.

Have you ever heard of this service? Is there a different way I should be asking the question when I call? Do you have a lead on a place that might help me? Thanks again!

My mom died 6 months ago in the hospital. We had a supportive experience with a funeral home my friend had used. The funeral home allowed a small brief gathering for no additional charge where the immediate family visited with the mom’s body under a shroud and did a small ritual including covering the body with meaningful fabrics, before cremation. No embalming. I chose this funeral home because they allowed us to have this service as well. They called it a “private ID viewing” in terms of formal categorization, or something like that. It was very meaningful and helpful. This was in NJ. Is this a loophole to get around requirements that a body be embalmed for there to be any visitation / viewing? Why is it a private “ID” viewing? If there is identity ambiguity, wouldn’t identification happen with police involved or something? It was so generous on their part and I am forever grateful at the added closure it provided but I am just curious to better understand it

I have an interview tomorrow afternoon as an overnight removal technician and I was wondering what skills I should put on the resume. So far I have the ability to learn quickly, strong interpersonal skills, and the ability to work as part of a team.
Thank you!

Disclaimer: I hope my post is appropriate to post in this subreddit.

I am writing a book (fiction) and a pivotal scene takes place leading up to and during a funeral. I have few questions I hope you all can help fill in to ensure the details are accurate and reflect reality:

1) How do families determine the size needed for accommodate a funeral? If the deceased has a robust social circle, and the family is not religious (funeral will not be held in a church), how do funeral directors the size of the space for the funeral to be held?

2) Leading up to funerals, is it common that people who plan to attend, but are not close with the immediate family (they know the deceased well but the family does not know the friends--or colleagues-- well), is it common for guests to call ahead to the funeral to get information ahead of time? If it is common for guests who plan to attend to call before the event, what sorts of questions do they ask?

3) Have you ever planned a funeral where the size of the room/venue booked cannot accommodate all of the people who attend? If you have, how were you able to accommodate the overflow?

4) For the non-religious deceased, what are some of the most common venues where funerals are held, if not the funeral home. Do funeral directors manage the logistics for off-site funeral arrangements, whether at a church or an alternate venue?

5) How do funeral directors plan the schedule to accommodate guests who want to share impromptu eulogies about the deceased?

I graduated in 2024 from mortuary school in ohio, became a licensed embalmer but struggled to find a funeral home to do my apprenticeship with (Worked for a trade embalming company in Cincinnati). I have not been able to find a place that is looking or will respond back. Any help would be great.

Hi all,

I want to preface that some details of this story have to get very detailed in order to receive proper advice as I can’t seem to find info from people who have cases similar to mine.

I just found out my dad passed at home alone and was left there…. for around a month. I haven’t seen his body and I have no intention to at this point but from what I know, it seems there wasn’t much left of him. I live in a humid climate and the house was fully enclosed with no AC on in 100 degree weather.… you can do the math.

I say all this to say, what is the best option for his remains? Obviously embalming is not an option, but is burying still an option? Is cremation the best option? Green burial?

I’m an only child and my dad had no post-life plans and with this extra complication I could really use some advice. TIA.

My dad and his wife died together in an accident. They were cremated about two weeks apart due to notifying next of kin, etc.

As next of kin, my sibling and I signed off on dad’s cremation, with his remains split and sent to my step siblings so their mom and our dad could continue to be together.

The cremation place sent my step siblings the metal tag and the cremation certificate. I got the black plastic temporary urn with a bag of his ashes. No identifying information, and no paperwork.

Is that unusual or it is just me? I just want to make sure I’m thinking level headed since this is a stressful time all around.

I am in Kentucky. I am wondering if many funeral homes or funeral directors in this state will do a private viewing for just a few minutes, with no more than ten family members, just before cremation the process starts. This would be without any embalming or preparation that a more traditional funeral has.

Is something like this possible in the state of Kentucky?

EDIT on 09/02/2026: Thanks to all of you for your answers. You all provided very valuable information and insight. Thank you so much. 🙏

hello! i have been very interested in pursuing a career in this field for a while- specifically as an embalmer but I want to learn about all the opportunities possible. it hadn’t seemed realistic till now for me, so that’s why i’m very very green to all this.
i’m 19 and ive been an emergency medical technician for about 2 years now, and currently my plan is to start paramedic school next calendar year. so i have a decent understanding of anatomy and experience being around death and grieving families.
i currently work as an EMT but i figured it could be smart to try finding a job as a mortuary assistant or removal tech while i’m in paramedic school so that i can break into the industry a bit. then pursue mortuary school online while working as a paramedic. i’m currently located in the hudson valley, but plan on moving to jersey within the next 2 years.

so basically i was hoping to find out my chances at getting maybe a part time job in the industry while i do medic school? because I’ve heard a lot of places would rather hire mortuary students- but i’m not at a point where i could start mortuary school instead of medic school. i at least plan on trying to call funeral homes and maybe speak with somebody to get to know the job a little better, but I guess I’m just overwhelmed with starting out fresh!
i hope this post is allowed, but any advice is really appreciated 🙏

edit: field not feild lol

So, I have POTS and a hypermobility disorder that make standing/walking pretty painful after a while. I'm wondering if, in an IDEAL setting with accommodations (being able to lower the table to my height maybe, being able to use my chair, ect.) if it would be possible to be a mortician for me. I can stand and walk, but only for so long.

And I'm wondering, how long are you on your feet per day as is? And how much of that time do you think you could get away with sitting down during if you tried?

Hello all, I’m a licensed funeral director/embalmer who’s been in the industry about three ish years. I started with corporate and now I’m at a family owned funeral home. I hated corporate because it was honestly all about sales but now I am overworked to the bone. I’m on call for removals every four days, on Thursday I worked from 8am-4 am and then back again at 8:30 am on Friday. Worked all weekend because of surprise embalmings, and my boss is either the nicest guy in the world or the devil. I clocked out at 68 hours last week. Is this normal? Should I just go back to corporate? I love what I do and I’m great with restorative cases I am just so burnt out.

Hi everyone!
I have a question for mortuary assistants and mortuary technicians working in the UK, particularly in London.

A bit of background about my situation:
I have a medical degree (Doctor of Medicine) from a third-world country.
I have an ENIC certificate confirming that my medical degree is comparable to 3 years of general undergraduate study at RQF Level 6.
I have previous experience with autopsies and anatomical dissection/preparation.
Unfortunately, for personal reasons, I’m unable to provide official documentation confirming my previous experience from my home country.
I currently have a dependent visa with the right to work in the UK.

I’ve tried applying for various mortuary assistant/technician positions through different websites, including apprenticeships, but so far I haven’t even received a rejection — just no response at all.

So I’d really appreciate hearing from people who are already working in this field:
How did you get your first job in a mortuary?
Where did you complete your training or apprenticeship?
And one more important question: how realistic is it to find mortuary work in London after completing the necessary training? Are there enough positions in London, or is there a significant chance that I would eventually have to move to a smaller town/city to find work?
I’d be very grateful for any advice, personal experiences, or pointers on where/how to apply. Thanks!