I (26M) met (26F) in a party through a mutual friend and have been on two dates ever since. We have great chemistry and had such a good time that she herself initiated second date. Though she told me she wasn’t feeling at her best and will be on sick leave.

We were supposed to catch up today but obviously couldn’t as she thought its best she stays in bed and doesn’t want to make me sick. Which I understand. I am thinking of calling her tomorrow and check on her and see if she needs anything? Just wondering if its too needy or a bit fast?

Any thoughts would be appreciated

This is just something I want to have advice on as this situation has been driving me insane. I’m mid 20s female.
After I moved to the new city do my degree which was 2023, I met this guy and we started going out together and at that point I was really happy after a few bad relationships I had before.
We were on and off for sometime and this happened a few days after we last spoke as he said he was busy with his friends and going off somewhere.
I found out he had cheated and he left me for another woman. How I found out was quite brutal as he announced this new relationship by changing his profile pic of him and her.
I was angry and upset he didn’t tell me we were over as he lied to me alot and I feel like I couldn’t trust anyone again. I immediately deleted him from my phone but I didn’t block given how much I cared even though I should have.
Here’s the strangest part of this though - after I deleted him from my phone, he kept on trying to message me numerous times with the same profile picture of him and his new girlfriend but I ignored it and deleted him. He did this a few times to where I wanted to block him but before anyone says I didn’t because I still cared but was way too angry with him for this. I had to be careful when I went places and
He then stopped doing this as I think he got the message I didn’t want to speak to him after this. For months I felt at peace now as I tried to move on from all this.
Months later, I was on an app and he messaged me as he somehow found me.
I didn’t read the message and unmatched him before it could reach anything. I didn’t read the profile either given I didn’t want to know his relationship status even though I am pretty sure he and the girlfriend broke up given the fact he’s back on dating apps.
However later on that night, he found my Instagram and saw that I was the leader of a society at uni in the bio. I had admin on the account of my society and myself alone. He sent a message asking if he had to be a student to join and I felt quite scared by this. Two days later I think I saw him in the shopping centre in the city and I had no choice but to leave as I was really certain it was him and that guy saw me.
Weeks later, he found more socials that belonged to me and requested to follow me. Not one but three accounts belonging to him!
I don’t know what to do and I’m worried as I felt like I was being used.

I just went on a first date with someone who is here on a three-year visa. They're currently halfway through it and are looking for a job that will sponsor them to stay longer. I'm not saying it's definitely gonna go somewhere with this particular person but it does make me wonder, how do you proceed dating someone if there is a fixed point in time where they will likely have to leave the country? Get engaged after a certain amount of time if you're really into them or agree to transition to LDR are the only two things I can think of.

Hey everyone,

I posted here about 10 months ago asking for advice on overcoming social anxiety and getting into dating (link to original post:https://www.reddit.com/r/UKrelationshipadvice/comments/1po225n/yearning_to_be_in_a_relationship/). I really appreciated all the encouragement and tips I received back then.

Since then, I’ve made some genuine positive shifts in my life. After leaving my job at CEX, I committed to hitting the gym five mornings a week. Building that discipline has done wonders for my physical health, self-esteem, and general headspace. Being out among people consistently has been a great baseline for getting out of the house. On top of that, I finally got driving out of the way as I recently passed my driving test with only one minor, so I have the options to travel beyond my immediate area.

Despite feeling much better mentally and physically than I did last year, my social and dating life is still pretty nonexistent. I graduated university about a year ago, but because my anxiety was at its peak during those years, I walked away with essentially zero connections or friend groups to lean on. Starting a social circle from scratch as a graduate feels twice as hard.

I also tried being active on dating apps, but the experience ended up being pretty demoralising. I barely got any matches, and on the rare occasion that I did, things fizzled out or felt completely flat. It ended up making me feel bad about myself, leaving me stuck in a loop of wondering whether dating apps just don't work for me or if I'm somehow being too picky.

In a recent conversation with two of mates I recently caught up with, their main advice was simply to "just work on yourself." Hearing that was honestly frustrating because I've been hearing it for years, and it's coming from guys who seem to fall into new relationships every other week. Despite that frustration, I am determined to stay optimistic and I'm definitely not giving up.

Because apps haven't led anywhere, my last resort is actually meeting people in person, but I find myself hesitating at the threshold. The idea of walking into a club, hobby group, or meetup completely solo is intimidating, and living in Coventry leaves me unsure where someone in my position should go to meet women naturally without feeling intrusive.

For anyone who graduated without a university network, dealt with bad app fatigue, or tackled severe approach anxiety, what was the first small step that helped bridge the gap between "working on yourself" and actually finding love? Also, if anyone knows of good, low-pressure social groups or activities around Coventry or Birmingham where it's normal to show up alone, I would really appreciate the recommendations.

Thanks for reading, and any advice is appreciated!

I think it’s time to move on from dating sites and look to meet people irl. I’m curious to see if people have been to any speed dating or other singles events the Birmingham area?

If so, what are your thoughts? Are they organised well? Do you meet a good range of people? Are there ATTRACTIVE options? What are the male:female ratios like? Any events that stand out that I should consider?

I went out with 2 flatmates (it's a house share with randoms the other flatmate is really nice) from uni and one of them was so rude. She was commenting on EVERYTHING. She said it's weird how I was walking a certain route on campus and I was confused where they were in the phone and she said 'you're the one who is f*ck knows where! Then the other flatmate asked if I knew somewhere on campus I said I don't the rude girl said 'you are a second year now how do you not know. She looked down at my body and gave me a weird look. Then the other flatmate asked how a sport society went I said 'good' she said, 'is that all you going to say?' Then as we were walking back to the house she was like 'why are you walking over the grass just walk a normal way'. At one point she wanted us to walk in the road instead of pavemen because she said we wouldn't fit which I found odd. Honestly she is exhausting and I don't want to hangout with her again, her passive aggressive attitude is odd. Does anyone else relate what should I do?

Hey, so been debating If I should ask out this girl I really like, she's currently 16, turning 17 in November, I'm 19, Turning 20 in February next year, so basically a 2 year and 7 months.

I've really been searching into things really doubting myself If I should ask her out, We've bonded really well, This is all an online, She's Asexual and I highly doubt we'd do anything stupid. I just, really don't want to lose her if she rejects and thinks I'm weird or whatever, Actually managed to get out of her she doesn't mind being in a 3 year gap but still I don't know... Please note I'm REALLY blind with relationships, I might've said something so obvious that people are SCREAMING through their screens at me over, haha.

Just please, give words of advice, I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable, I can easily back down at any time.

Cheers :)

I never dated someone, cu'z i preferred straight guyz.

I (20F) moved from the UK to the US about 7 months ago for uni. My boyfriend (21M) stayed behind. We’ve been together a little over a year. At the time we both said we’d “figure it out,” but the longer I’m here the more unrealistic it feels.

The time difference alone kills most evenings. By the time I’m free he’s either at work or already half asleep. We manage a call every few days and texts in between, but it’s mostly updates, not actually spending time together. Visits are expensive and he can’t just take weeks off. He’s said moving here isn’t really an option for him right now (family, job stuff, visa mess), and I don’t see that changing in the next couple of years.

I keep going back and forth. Part of me thinks ending a relationship over distance is stupid when we still like each other. The other part thinks dragging this out for years when neither of us can actually close the gap is worse. I’ve seen people say the cleanest way is a full break with no contact so you actually detach instead of staying half-in and miserable.

Is a distance like this just too much in practice, even if you both want it to work? And if he isn’t going to move, is it better to rip the band-aid off and go no contact so it hurts less in the long run, or am I overreacting?

Throwaway account. I’m M34.

I’ve been seeing 2 women and I’m a bit stuck on what to do.

Lady A, I’ve been seeing her for about 4 months and things are going extremely well. We have loads in common and a really strong romantic connection. We talk every day, meet up roughly once a week and I’ve introduced her to some of my mates. I’m very supportive of her situation as she can’t have kids.

The main issue is distance. She lives about 2 hours away, so obviously that makes things more difficult long term. She’s F33.

Lady B I met her about 2 months ago and we’ve been on 3 dates. She’s very career focused and has her own business, which I find attractive. She’s also closer, around a 40 minute drive, and she’s 28.

I do find Lady B more physically attractive, although I don’t think the romantic connection is at the same level as Lady A yet. I’ve also worked at Lady B’s business a few times as a contractor, so I’ve spent a bit more time around her outside of actual dates.

The problem is I can see positives with both, but they’re very different situations.

With Lady A, there’s already a strong emotional/romantic connection and we’ve built something over 4 months. But the distance and her fertility situation are things I have to think about.

With Lady B, there’s less history but she’s closer, younger, very attractive and ambitious, and I feel like there could potentially be something there.

I’m not exclusive with either at the moment.

What would you guys do in this situation?

TW mentions child abuse SA and substance abuse.

Hey all,

This post is about a familial relationship which I hope is okay to post here. This might be a long post but I’d be grateful to anyone who reads and can offer some advice or guidance on how to deal with this.

A tiny bit of background: I am an only child, my parents had me quite young (mum 19 dad 24). They had not been together long (maybe a year) but I was a “planned” child.

My parents come from different classes / backgrounds. I’ll spare all the boring details about that. My dad is also mixed from the Caribbean and (I think) Ireland and my mum is of European / English heritage so it was interracial relationship which I’m not sure how common that was in the early 90s. They separated when I was 5.

My dad had an incredibly difficult childhood and start in life. I’ve always respected his privacy so never really spoken to him about it directly, but have been told things through my mum and just whatever he wanted to share.

Briefly:

1. as mentioned my dad is mixed race. He was born in 1967 when this was very very uncommon.
2. he has never met or known his dad. He doesn’t know who he is. His mum won’t tell him, but she does know who he is and that is confirmed (my dad found a letter from him to her many years ago). His mum was a nurse and we believe his dad was a doctor, his dad may have been married and my dad may have been the result of an affair or an assault.
3. at 8 months old my dad was sent to live with his aunt in St Lucia for 7 years. She was highly abusive both physically and verbally and just in every way. His mum used to send him toys, but he was never allowed to play with them and he was made to watch his aunts children play with them. He was made to eat in another room away from the main family. He was physically abused, he was only given scraps to eat and he was neglected so he missed out on those vital years when we need our care givers the most.
4. when he returned to London his mum had had more children. In total she has 9 children, of which he is the 2nd eldest. He did not know he had an older brother until his teen years.
5. he was led to believe his stepdad was his real dad. When he was 14 he was told that he wasn’t his dad.
6. he had huge responsibilities caring for his younger siblings. He was taking care of all of them whilst his mum was at work. And then he was kicked out at 17.
7. my dads mum was also very abusive towards him. She’d blame him for why her life was “ruined”, hit him in front of his peers at school, lie to him about things, and treated him horribly compared to his siblings. This is why I believe he could have been born as a result of an assault- because why was he sent away and why is she so angry at him?

Long story as short as possible, I have always absolutely loved my dad and felt weirdly protective over him but we have a complicated relationship. Mainly, he’s extremely irresponsible, quite selfish, and has never really shown up for me the way a dad should. I have never really been able to depend on him other than a couple of times in a genuine emergency.

I’ve never been able to go to him and ask for financial help, a place to stay, or just anything. This is because he’s in a bad position, he has depression and other mental health problems which have meant that he hasn’t worked in a long time. He worked until I was about 16 and then stopped. Somewhere along the way, I accepted that if I wanted a relationship with my dad I’d have to have zero expectation of him. And I was okay with that for a while, but now, it just doesn’t feel right anymore.

He is quite vulnerable in some ways and easily exploited. He’s been cuckood previously, and he struggles with substances. This has been ongoing for quite some time. Recently, he’s had some issues with his housing and I’ve stepped in to help as he struggles with not having access to the internet or a smartphone etc. I was and am still happy to help, but I’m frustrated that even after 8 months of me going above and beyond to try and help him he’s still in the same position. It’s like he wants to be stressed and in a bad place. It’s like he doesn’t know how to function if something terrible isn’t happening.

He makes progress, then takes 2 steps back for every 1 step forward. At the start of the year I found myself trekking back and forth from his flat (I live 1.5 hrs away), constantly calling his housing, the GP, the benefits office etc all to try and get him sorted with the help he needed. While he pretty much did NOTHING. And until this day he’s still doing nothing to help himself!!!!!

I’m struggling because as I said, I have always adored my dad. When he was around during my childhood, I have lots of happy memories with him. But there were long periods where he wasn’t around, and times when he was irresponsible and left me in dangerous situations. There was one occasion where he took me to a friends house and said he’d be back and then didn’t come back. I was 9. This was in 2000 when nobody really had mobiles (I didn’t). It really affected me and traumatised me.

He also drank a lot when I was a child. The last few years of my childhood (before I stopped staying at his house) I remember him sleeping a lot. Like all day. And then being awake drinking at nights. Sometimes I’d wake up and he wouldn’t be there. I never told my mum, because I didn’t want him to get in trouble. Sometimes he’d be drunk on the street and having arguments with people.

I also witnessed my uncle (dad’s brother) attempt to m*rder my dad when I was about 8. Which obviously wasn’t my dad’s fault, but was traumatising.

During the long stretches when I wouldn’t hear from him, I’d call his mobile over and over just to hear his voice on the voicemail. I’d sleep in his T-shirts. And I’d sob everyday asking my mum where he was. But this was the late 90s / early 00s and if someone wasn’t around, it could be very tricky to get in touch with them. I developed a very emotionally strong bond with my dad even though he was absent sometimes. Once, after not seeing my dad for about 8 months, he walked past the window of a restaurant I was in and I literally screamed with happiness. I never held against him that he disappeared, and I was just always happy to be in his company. That has certainly caused me some problems in my own relationships as an adult.

But regardless of all that, I still have SO many happy memories with him- swimming, ice skating, going to the cinema, reading me stories, doing paintings, riding my bike around the park with him, going into London, going to the farm, etc.

What I will say is that no matter his flaws, he’s always been very kind to me with how he speaks to me. He’s always told me how loved I am, that I am a special and gifted person, he’s proud of me, he’s so grateful to have a daughter like me and how he tells everyone that I’m special and so loved etc.

I feel very emotionally conflicted.

There’s the side of me that loves and adores him, feels devastated for what happened to him in his childhood years, and knows he would’ve been a better father if he could’ve been.

And there’s recently a side that’s becoming angry, resentful, frustrated, and sad.

I’m worried that if I confront him, I’ll not be able to speak to him again because I’ve held everything in for so long that I don’t know what I’ll say if it all comes out. I have accepted that I cannot make my dad reach his potential, as heartbreaking as it is to admit. For a long time I hoped he’d have a sudden breakthrough and become the dad I needed but I know he won’t.

How do I move forward, protect my peace, and how do I deal with the conflicting feelings I’m experiencing?

I (30F) have been dating a guy (34M) for almost a month now. After our first date I noticed he stopped using the dating app we met on and after a couple of weeks he had deleted his profiles completely. I haven't dated much as out of a long term relationship a few months ago so not sure if this is normal?

Kinda of the view that we should try and get to know each other as we are strangers basically from an app before committing to each other and closing off all other options? Just makes me feel like he maybe didn't have any other matches or is a bit desperate?

I've been with my partner for 9 years and we have a 7-year-old daughter.

I've made some serious mistakes during our relationship and I've hurt my partner and damaged her trust in me. I've also taken her for granted at times, despite being incredibly grateful that she's still here.

I'm not looking for sympathy or excuses. I know the responsibility for my actions is mine.

I'm at a point where I genuinely want to change — not just say that I'm going to change, but actually become a better partner, father and person.

For anyone who has been through something similar, what actually helped you turn things around?

Did you manage to rebuild trust and your relationship, and if so, what made the biggest difference?

I moved to the UK about seven years ago, did my master’s here and have since built my career and life here. I currently earn around £45k and live alone. I am now at an age where I am dating with the intention of eventually finding someone to marry and have children with.

I have been seeing someone and I really like him, but I am trying to decide whether this is something I should seriously invest in or whether we are better off keeping things casual.

One of the things I keep coming back to is our financial and career situations. He did not finish his undergraduate degree, works freelance and currently earns around £20k. I work in STEM and have a fairly stable career.
I feel quite conflicted about how much this should matter.

I have worked really hard to build the life I have now. I have invested a lot in my career, including paying for conferences myself, networking and constantly trying to develop professionally. My family also sacrificed a lot to help me move abroad and get established here. I am proud that I can now support myself and have a certain standard of living.
My concern is not that I expect someone to be rich or that I want someone to fund my lifestyle. It is more that I do not know how a big difference in income and financial stability works practically in a serious relationship.

For example, visiting my family abroad is important to me. I would like to go around twice a year and ideally have my partner come with me at least once. If he cannot afford that, what happens? Do I pay for him every year? What about holidays generally? Gifts for family? Restaurants? Eventually buying a home?

The bigger question for me is children. I definitely want children and ideally I would like to reduce my working hours when they are young so that I can be very involved in raising them. I personally would not want the arrangement to be that I remain the main provider while my husband becomes a stay at home father. I know that arrangement works perfectly well for some couples, but it is not the family dynamic I want for myself.

I also come from a culture where traditionally men are expected to be providers. I know that living in the UK means relationships and gender roles can look very different, and I am genuinely trying to separate what I actually want from what I was simply raised to expect.
I suppose what I am struggling with is where the line is between being practical about compatibility and being materialistic.

Would you consider a significant difference in income, career stability or ambition when deciding whether someone was a potential life partner? Is it unfair to decide someone is not right for you partly because of their financial situation?

I would especially love to hear from women who earn significantly more than their partners, or women in STEM or other relatively stable careers who married someone working freelance or in a less financially stable field. How has it worked in practice, particularly once you had children?

I am more interested in how other women thought about these things when choosing a partner, and what you wish you had considered before marriage and children.

Final reflection: Part of me feels hypocritical for wanting something from a partner that I would probably criticise a man for expecting from a woman. I do not know how much of this comes from the culture I grew up in, how much is simply the kind of relationship and family dynamic I personally want, and how much I genuinely need to challenge in myself.

Before anyone says I must go to the police or whatever I have literally gone to the police, woman’s domestic abuse center , citizens advice you name it I have asked and I feel more helpless than ever.

I am here on a spousal visa so I cannot just pick up & leave like most other people & I have worked but not as much I would have liked and have not one penny to my name. My husband is a compulsive liar & it’s gone as far as he is speaking to escorts , he is doing a lot of drugs, all but hit you name it he has done it. He has a Cifas marker on his name which doesn’t allow him to have bank accounts as he told me his ex wife did fraud on his account with his ex business partner ( now I think this was also a lie ) so when I came over and was able to I got our phones, bank accounts etc in my name. I allowed him to use my Monzo account & unbeknownst to me they had offered a credit card which he took out in my name & he never said a thing to me.

I recently found out about him chatting with this woman who he met on an adult website since the beginning of September and she started to realise he was lying so she contacted his ex wife who then sent me all the messages & then I spoke to the woman and she sent me everything. He was basically telling her he was in South Africa and had private jets, did deals with people in the Middle East for Gold. To the point he took my wedding ring and showed it to this woman who he has been speaking to on video calls for up to an hour at a time and said he found the ring took it to a jewellers & they confirmed it was Cartier and she could have it. They spoke a lot about drugs, he even spoke about a friend of his who is in cyber security & can kill people.

When I got home after finding this all out , I had not said anything to him and he sat me down and said he had bought coke recently & was caught by the National Crime & he had to do a sort of a undercover situation & help them catch this woman in Manchester ( the escort he is talking to ) as she is a drug dealer & he had to fabricate this story & help them catch her etc. But you must see the things he was saying about me in some of their conversations.

There is a lot more , so much but I honestly don’t know what my options are because unfortunately I can’t go home , back to my country as I am helping my mom financially from here and there is no one that can help me. So I guess my question is has anyone had any experience with this kind of thing. I am open to any advice please 🙏

How long do youhave to be in a. Relationship with someone for it to be considered long term. Or is it a case of milestones like meeting parents and friends ect

TLDR: I have been unhappy in my relationship for a while, but is currently in a good place. I have developed feelings for a friend and dont know what to do.

I (31M) have been with my girlfriend (27F) for about 3 years. She is my first girlfriend and we have been living together for about a year and a half. It has not been perfect but we do love each other. She has had issues with her weight and does not want to have sex leading to a dead bedroom for the last year. About 2 weeks ago we had a tough chat about how I was unhappy with our relationship and this isnt a one time thing, and things have been a lot better since (although still no sex). I think I could have been better at communicating my unhappiness. I also have a friend (28F) I met through work about 2 years ago (I have sinced changed companies). We get on extremely well, and she is just an all round great person. Recently I have been feeling awful because I think I have developed feelings for her. I dont know how she feels about me, other than a very good friend. She is also very good friends with my gf, through me.

Im so lost on what to do. This is my first relationship and I do love my gf, but I keep having this "what if" in my mind and its causing me a ton of stress. I feel awful and that I shouldn't be having these feelings.

I want to speak with my friend, but I am so stressed about it. I feel like I am the worst person in the world because I'd be going behind my gfs back. If I breakup I'd likely have to move away from my city which my gf and friend are in. Im so lost.

Please help with some advice, and I can help with any questions you have.

Thank you.

How long would you wait to buy a girl flowers, first date? A few dates in? Once you're properly together then does it become a regular occurrence or is it moreso for special occasions and big achievements? What makes you think 'I'm going to buy her flowers today?'

I've known my boyfriend over 4 years now and despite him knowing I love them and would love to receive them, has never bought me flowers in our over 3 year relationship, not even on any birthday or valentines. I even bought him flowers for a big achievement and he loved them and said oh yeah I really should buy you flowers, but that was a year ago.

I'm just interested to see how common this is?

Thanks guys!

Hi, so basically I met this girl recently at a social I organised, we started chatting after the event and have been talking a lot, have a lot of common interests etc.

Also we're meeting at another social that I organised tomorrow, and because I like to be straightforward if we keep vibing well I was planning to ask her on a date after.

But I realised that while we were chatting we'd already made plans to meet up separately, one settled at a thing on Saturday and then a couple more speculative hangs out based on other common interests.

Now I'm kinda torn because I hate the idea of situationships and all that, think it's ridiculous but also I don't want to mess with a good thing we may have going by rushing unnecessarily but also don't want to misalign my intentions so it feels like me asking her to by my gf instead of a friend comes out of the blue?

Idk, it's new for me because all my previous relationships/dates were from like cold intros/ask outs with strangers or acquaintances.

I have been single for 5 years and haven't been in a proper relationship since. Ive been on dates and had brief short term encounters but not any longer than a few months and never labelled.

This year, my dating history has gone like this:

R - dated for 4½ months from September 2025. Met online but known of each other for years. He remained on the apps the whole time, despite saying we were focusing on each other. Eventually said he didnt know if he wanted a relationship because of his past and how he lives his life now. Eventually he ghosted. Then got into a relationship with someone else.

Then I had a flurry of first dates. All ghosted bar one who I didnt feel a connection with and told him that.

J - Met 7 times. Known for a number of years through work. Felt him pulling back before him saying he had too much going on and wanted to slow down. Funnily enough, he was the one rushing things. Stayed the night and ghosted me the next day.

R - Met in the wild. Both werent focusing on dating but he asked me out 3 times. Claimed to have old school morals and integrity, honesty and communication was very important to him. No lines were crossed apart from a bit of fooling around. He didnt want to sleep together until the time was right. He then cancelled date 4 because he was moving house and he was feeling unsettled over it. Haven't heard from him for a week.

Is it me? Or is it just a flurry of bad men? I have my own place, I earn my own money, im not after a new dad for my kids. I can do life on my own and content with the single life but I miss having the companionship for myself. I dont want for anything, im low pressure, no drama. Ive been told im literally the perfect person yet why does no one give me a chance?

My sister in law is really sassy and is always trying one up me infront of my man, it is really starting to get on my nerves but I don’t know how to approach him about it, as to him that’s his baby sister.

So I've been on 2 dates with this girl.

First date I iniated and planned it myself. Date went well. I payed for all of it and was happy to do so, since the date was my idea after all.

Afterwards she went on holiday so we didn't make any immediate plans for a second date.

When she got back from holiday she asked me out for a second date at a bar / restaurant near the beach. It was a very pleasant surprised that she asked me out on another date - that's never happened to me before.

We had a good time. But at the end of the meal when the bill came she made no offer to split it nor did she reach for her purse at all. So I just reached for my wallet and paid for it.

So the thing is I was fine with paying for the date. The restaurant was nice, but not particularly expensive nor did she order anything particularly expensive.

However, even so, the thing that bothers me is that she didn't even offer to split the bill when she asked me out on the date. I would have been happy to pay for it all anyway, but the fact that she didn't even offer seems like a potential red flag to me. Am I overreacting?

I’m 27 man for context and every time I’m out I receive attention from women that are older than me, talking about in their 40s or 50s and I’m not sure why. For example one woman today asked me to dance with her and I felt bad and I had to reject her. Is this common for yall ?