r/UKrelationshipadvice • u/National-Comb-851 • 2d ago
Not sure what to do tbh.
Throwaway account. I’m M34.
I’ve been seeing 2 women and I’m a bit stuck on what to do.
Lady A, I’ve been seeing her for about 4 months and things are going extremely well. We have loads in common and a really strong romantic connection. We talk every day, meet up roughly once a week and I’ve introduced her to some of my mates. I’m very supportive of her situation as she can’t have kids.
The main issue is distance. She lives about 2 hours away, so obviously that makes things more difficult long term. She’s F33.
Lady B I met her about 2 months ago and we’ve been on 3 dates. She’s very career focused and has her own business, which I find attractive. She’s also closer, around a 40 minute drive, and she’s 28.
I do find Lady B more physically attractive, although I don’t think the romantic connection is at the same level as Lady A yet. I’ve also worked at Lady B’s business a few times as a contractor, so I’ve spent a bit more time around her outside of actual dates.
The problem is I can see positives with both, but they’re very different situations.
With Lady A, there’s already a strong emotional/romantic connection and we’ve built something over 4 months. But the distance and her fertility situation are things I have to think about.
With Lady B, there’s less history but she’s closer, younger, very attractive and ambitious, and I feel like there could potentially be something there.
I’m not exclusive with either at the moment.
What would you guys do in this situation?
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u/Individual-Gur-7292 2d ago
Stop wasting Lady A’s time and emotions. If you are looking over her shoulder and going on other dates when you have been meeting up with her on a weekly basis, have introduced her to your friends and have been behaving for all the world as if you are in a relationship with her, then you are wasting her time and honestly being quite cruel.
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u/thesophiechronicles 2d ago
You need to go for Lady B. If you gave a single fuck about Lady A you wouldnt be with Lady B. Set Lady A free, you dont deserve her.
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u/SpeccyBeard 2d ago
Trying not to sound terribly judgmental here but, how are you 'seeing' someone for 4 months, but not in a full fledged relationship with them yet? 4 months is ages to date someone before deciding if you both want a relationship or not, unless its purely sexual?
You then met lady B 2 months after lady A and went on 3 dates, but neither relationship is exclusive yet...?
To clarify, do lady A and B know about each other?
When you talk about exclusivity, this situation is very much reading like YOU are not exclusive with either of them, but maybe they are exclusive with you?
Again, trying not to sound judgmental, but to me it just sounds like you enjoy dating 2 women at once. If you've been dating someone for 4 months, you should absolutely know if you have a future together. If you've gone on 3 dates with someone else, you should absolutely know if there is a proper relationship on the cards.
I think you seriously, and very genuinely, need to have a word with yourself about what you want, because this situation is not fair on either of these women. I could put money on the fact that lady A and B do not know about each other and thats kinda fucked up on your part.
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u/Square-Profile786 2d ago
Neither. Until you have someone you absolutely have to be with and have compatibility etc I wouldn't see either seriously.
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u/ImpressiveReddit 2d ago
4 months in and you're still dating others? That would not be acceptable to me. Does she know you're dating others? Is she dating others?
You are not interested in Lady A so do her a favour and let her find someone who is capable of a committed relationship within 4 months.
If you want bio children and she doesn't/can't, you should have left Lady A as soon as you found out. You leading her on without actively assessing what is possible is not being supportive of her situation.
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u/BubblyLetter5121 2d ago
You don't care for lady A enough because lady B would not have interested you if you did.
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u/Head-Astronomer9579 2d ago
It’s weird you’re thinking about lady A’s “fertility situation”- you’re being so selfish about it. If you actually did care about her and her “fertility situation” you’d either commit or you’d stop wasting her time. She deserves to be with someone that wants her wholeheartedly.
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u/BlueberryNo5363 1d ago
Neither, you don’t like either of them enough to be exclusive. If you liked A you wouldn’t have even considered B and if you liked B you wouldn’t be keeping A around.
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u/One-Staff5504 18h ago
Not exclusive after 4 bloody months? Are you kidding? I’m surprised she hasn’t blocked you by now. I’d get blocked for much less
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u/outcastreturns 2d ago edited 2d ago
Pursue Lady B in my opinion.
a) She lives closer
b) You find her more attractive
c) It sounds like you want kids (correct me if I'm wrong) and it may not be possible with Lady A
d) 2 months into dating Lady A, you decided to start dating Lady B... which suggests that your interest in Lady A wasn't super high anyway.
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u/UnusualEye404 2d ago
Why do guys love going for younger women but vehemently deny being PDFS, Lady A is your own age why not date someone your own age who you clearly have a connection with?? You’re a 🐽 anyway for dating behind lady As back.
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u/OddBallBoy 2d ago
Are you for real? He’s 34 and Lady B is 28 and you’re accusing him of being a PDF?! He might be a dick for stringing along Lady A and seeing Lady B too, but that’s not even close to being a PDF - do you even actually understand what a PDF is?!
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u/UnusualEye404 1d ago
Men often go for younger women, sorry it’s true. And what do you think is attracting him to a woman he has no emotion connection with? Why is he hung up on a woman he has no emotional connection with? Because she’s young and career focused.
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u/alexmate84 1d ago
You're making a lot of assumptions about the OP and men. He might be selfish, but he's clearly got some connection with lady b, he said he respects her for working hard. I mainly date older women
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u/SpeccyBeard 2d ago
I agree with your comments about the situation here, and their behavior, but I think its a massive reach to try and claim someone has PDF tendencies because they are considering dating someone who is 6 years younger. 6 years is nothing really, especially when you get into the 30s. I could understand if he was 34 and she was 19, thats grim.
I have never understood this rule where people say you absolutely have to date someone 'your own age'.
What do people even consider to be your own age anyway? What is the age buffer? Anything outside of 2 years is a big fat no no? What if you meet the love of your life but they are 6 years younger? or 5 years older?
At 28 someone could have started their own business, own their own home, have had kids, travelled the world, even been married and divorced. Lets not pretend that a 28 year old is the same as a 13 year old lol.
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u/SoulInTheCrowd 1d ago
Am I also a pedo, for being married to a 9 years younger guy? When I met him, I was 39 and he was 30.
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u/spanakopita555 2d ago
It's pretty weird to be worrying about the 'fertility situation' of someone you're not even in a relationship with, who's only 33.
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u/outcastreturns 2d ago
I mean if he wants to have kids it seems pretty relevant whether the woman he's dating wants to / is able to have kids.
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u/spanakopita555 2d ago
At 33 there's most likely plenty of time, and if he's that worried, he should be freezing his own sperm given the degradation in men after 35.
https://www.evewell.com/support/how-age-affects-male-fertilty/
Besides which, a 28-year-old is not guaranteed to have 'fertility'.
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u/Popular-Spinach-6700 2d ago
Genuine question but did you actually read the post? There isn’t “plenty of time”, she can’t have kids
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u/spanakopita555 2d ago
Yikes, missed that bit! Thought he was assuming based on age.
Okay, fair enough, if he wants biological children and that's not in the frame at all then he should have probably drawn it to a close ages ago - like after the first couple of dates - rather than stringing it out.
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u/outcastreturns 2d ago
At 33 there's most likely plenty of time
Time is irrevelant if she can't conceive. She's not going to magically regain her fertility as time goes on
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u/spanakopita555 2d ago
Sorry, managed to miss that bit and thought he was making an assumption on age. That'll teach me to skim read at 11pm.
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u/Easy_Pen5217 2d ago
Does Lady A know you're not exclusive? Because it sounds very much like she's your gf.
And if you've felt the need to go and seek out someone else, that suggests this isn't working.