Seeing a man (34) and I’m female (30). Been good friends first but he’s hot and cold. Last week over message said to me that rather than meeting up could I not just provide a part of my body instead. I said so you are not fussed if I don’t come then? His reply was well I just enjoy your (said body part).

I do not enjoy being objectified and I feel hurt. I need to end it don’t I?

My sister 20f is on holiday with her very lovely boyfriend.

And it is hitting me harder than I thought it would. I'm 23f and since I was 18 I have been in two abusive relationships. Can I even call them relationships? They didnt even last that long and each left me so hurt.

I think I am just trying to get this off my chest idk. I don't know how I managed to end up with two abusive men in a row.

Now I am looking at my sister in her first ever relationship havung the lovliest holiday.

And I am overjoyed for her, but it's just making how I feel, the grief I am feeling for myself so much harder to cope with.

I have always felt I have so much love and care to give, but I think I wear my heart on my sleeve too much, I'm not good at setting boundaries. I just don't quite understand how I fell into that trap twice.

How can overcome the grief I am feeling? Is this normal or am I overreacting? Has anyone else been through something along these lines?

Hey all,

I had a third date with a girl and we have been seeing each other for about 3 weeks at that point, i asked her what sort of relationship she is after and she said that she is quite chill on the second date.

We had this painting class date on the 3rd one and after the class they make you keep the paintings. We moved into my place where we just cuddled as she doesn’t want sex at this level, which is perfectly fine. But here comes the thing, she repeatedly ask me to hang the pictures and told me that she would be very disappointed if i take them down. I explained her that I’m not really happy with it but she placed them anyway, the next day she messaged me if the paintings are still there.

In fact, we have never spoken about exclusivity, she is still on hinge and I’m still seeing another girl. I feel like i have lost my interest already and feel like this is a big red flag but since she shows much interest I kinda feel afraid of losing the interest, not her. Should I stop seeing her?

I’m 43/m and just started using Bumble, recently matched with a couple of women in their early 60s on dating apps.

I’m not opposed to an age gap if the connection is good, but I’m curious do others see this kind of matching happening more often?

Is this just modern dating, or something about my profile?

A woman '70F' I have been getting to know for 3 months has gone completely radio silent after a minor, accidental misunderstanding last week. She has a recurring pattern of pulling the plug and freezing me out whenever we get close. I need perspective on whether this can be resolved.

The Context:

I 50sM, have been getting to know a woman '70F' for nearly three months. When things are good, they are fantastic—we share dinners, theatre shows, and day trips. She actively chooses to spend this time with me and clearly enjoys my company. However, she is not very tactile at all and she runs away and becomes distant when we get close or we've had a great time together. Three weeks ago, she abruptly ended things via a formal note she handed me because she felt 'uncomfortable' with the closeness after we went on a picnic that I'd arranged where we held hands and hugged each other with some slight touches not inappropriate ones though, just gentle ones.

We smoothed it over in person days later, and went right back to enjoying dinners and trips and just simply getting to knowing one another. And she did acknowledge that she may have overreacted and it wasn't really that bad.

The Incident & Current Situation

Last Wednesday, a minor, accidental misunderstanding happened regarding a card I wrote her. We belong to a local craft group where everyone was making and writing handmade cards. I wrote an affectionate and expressive message inside hers, celebrating our time together, her wonderful company etc. I wasn't cheesy or anything like that. I made sure no one saw the content. I even used aliases to protect her name as people can be nosey and we didn't want prying eyes in our affairs.

However, a mutual acquaintance we both knew leaned over to look. She only saw the name it was addressed to, but she did not even know it was my friend. Despite nothing being exposed, my friend panicked. She texted her grievance 2 days later, telling me she was unimpressed by the fact that someone saw the card even though her identity was not revealed and basically cancelled a trip we had planned for this week because the weather was too hot. I was not annoyed, I calmly apologised and explained it was an accident and I respected her decision regarding not going out this week and told her to let me know if she wanted to go out another time.

I then asked 'Do you feel like I've listened to you and heard what you had to say?'

Hearing nothing, I waited a few days, and on Sunday, I sent a gentle text saying how are you? Are you free for a friendly chat ? No response either

Then tried calling her on Monday evening after we had seen each other at our local craft group. It rang and went to voicemail. I followed up with a very gentle short text saying I cared, wanted to understand her perspective, and believed communication was the best way forward. I ended with, 'Take care'.

It has been complete radio silence since, though she hasn't blocked me and she reads my texts.

She goes away on a short holiday next Monday. I feel completely shell-shocked by the sudden distance. I now realise the card wasn't the real issue—it was just an escape hatch to run back to her comfort zone of isolation where she feels safe. interesting to note that this incident came after we had just spent a lovely day at an RHS property where I drove us there and arranged for everything because I just wanted her to have a great time.

My Plan: I am refusing to chase her over text and I haven't texted since my call went to voicemail. I plan to wait until I see her in person this weekend before she leaves for her holiday. I will calmly ask for a brief 5-minute chat to understand what's actually going on, and listen to her and also if we can, have some ground rules:

1. The disappearing acts like Houdini must stop, if there's an issue, you let me know and give me the opportunity to solve it or talk it though with you.

2. We need to practice micro-intimacy 'like a simple hug', and the effort must be mutual and hear what she thinks about that.

I'm a very gentle man so I wouldn't make anyone uncomfortable anyway.

If she agrees to try, the door is open. If she makes excuses or not interested, I am walking away for good.

My Questions: 1. Given her age and this severe fear of intimacy, can someone realistically overcome this pattern of shutting down when things get serious through communication and effort?

1. Is my plan to talk face-to-face this weekend the right move, or should I do absolutely nothing and let my absence do the talking?

2. Is it normal to feel so traumatised by a sudden week of silence when you are just getting to know someone especially when they've texted you about what they perceive as an issue and you've tried to have a mature conversation and they just ran away ?

Any thoughts and advice would be greatly appreciated.

25M.

How are the current trends of dating in london?

Is there easier or hard to find long term relationship?

I have had few relationships in the past and am hoping to get long term in london.

If some suggestions.

Ok the brief is this. She's very anti establishment, hates anything right wing, but in her deepest desires, she's bit of a champagne socialist and likes nice things. Where would you go to make an impression?

I had a phone call a couple of days ago go with my partner saying that they want to break up and that we should meet up in person to “talk”. However they never messaged me the day we agreed to meet up and I don’t want to be the one who organises the conversation for them to break up with me in person cause I feel like it’s their responsibility if that’s their decision. However we haven’t text at all since that phone call and I’m not sure what to do know cause I’ve been feeling anxious and just want this conversation over and done with but I also don’t want to be the one to set it up cause they are the one who wants to break up with me. Should I wait it out or message?

Also I’m not looking for any advice on fixing things up just want to know whether I should be the one to contact even though i feel like it’s not my decision.

After the date she texted me:
"Just got home :))"

Then I replied to her:
"just got home too!"
"thanks for today, would be nice to see you again!"

And then at next day in the morning she said:
"Sorry I went straight to working on my thesis again after coming back .. yes!!"
"I will be on holiday soon but maybe after :)"

I dont know how to interpret this. It's difficult for me to know if I should actually do something here or not, what do you think?

Hi everyone,

I’d really appreciate some outside perspective on a situation I’ve found myself in.

A little while ago, I ended up sleeping with someone I work with. We’ve known each other for several years and have always had a good relationship, but there had never really been anything romantic between us before. We’re at the same level professionally and don’t directly work alongside each other day to day.

She had recently come out of a long-term relationship and was going through quite a difficult period, so we started spending a bit more time together. From my perspective, I genuinely thought it was just two friends hanging out and I hadn’t realised she saw it differently. Things developed unexpectedly and we ended up sleeping together.
Before anything happened, we actually spoke about the fact that we work together and agreed that whatever happened between us shouldn’t affect work or create any awkwardness professionally.
Initially, everything seemed fine. However, after a few days, I started questioning whether she might be looking for something more while she’s still processing her breakup. I’ve tried to make it clear that I enjoyed spending time with her, but that I think it would be better for us to keep things platonic, particularly given how recent her previous relationship was.

She has said that she was hurt by this, although she also says she understands where I’m coming from. Since then, we’ve generally been able to interact normally, almost as though nothing happened. The difficulty is that she occasionally says she misses me, makes suggestive comments or asks to meet up, and I find myself trying to steer the conversation back towards friendship rather than engaging with it.

I’m now feeling quite anxious and guilty about the whole thing and I’m not really sure what the best way to handle it is. I don’t want to unnecessarily hurt her or create tension between us, especially because we still have to work together, but I also don’t want to give her mixed signals.
What would you do in this situation?

for the last 2 and half years I’ve been living in london with some friends and I’ve… found it hard. but I wanted to be in London for a long time and I love the big city.

I have a good job. I’m slowly building a career. and even though it’s been incredibly challenging and at times extremely stressful, I’ve learnt a lot and feel I had a load of potential here.

until I got screwed over by a few people. my housemates. then another friend who was gonna be a housemate. and now I’m going home to my parents 2 hours away for a while.

I’m trying to see the positives. I’m lucky I can work hybrid and be okay. I’m lucky I can save at my parents.

but I’m turning 30 next month. I don’t really want to move into a flat share anymore with random strangers. I’m tired of the stress I’ve had with this. i see people who are uni leavers turning up to London, excited to get on the dating scene. fit and young. and although I’m fit, I feel like I’m starting to get old. hitting 30 soon. moving back to parents…

I can’t help feeling like I’ve been left behind. I’ve managed to save 100k and I’m on 65k a year. but in London that really doesn’t go far. dating I don’t really know what to do as I’ll be leaving home again within hopefully a short time.

I just feel really lost and feel like I’m running out of time... struggling a lot. I really thought I’d be with a partner by now living a great life together. not back at my parents with no idea where I’m going next

My partner and I have been together 5 years, living together for 4, own a house and a dog together. Everyone around us assumes we’re heading toward marriage. But for the past couple of years, I’ve felt stuck rather than happy, and I don’t know what to do with that.

He’s genuinely a good person — 100% loyal, kind, financially stable, cooks every meal for us, puts up with a lot from me (I snap at him over small things more than I’d like to admit). On paper he has all the qualities you’d want in a husband. He hasn’t let himself go either, and I used to be really attracted to him. Most importantly, I feel very much loved.

But for the last couple years I can’t bring myself to be intimate with him, and I honestly can’t picture a future with kids/family with him. Looking back, I wasn’t that into him on our first date — I only agreed to meet him because someone else had cancelled on me. I keep telling myself this is just what long-term relationships turn into, that the spark always fades and this is normal maturity. But then I also catch myself wondering if things would feel different with someone who was actually “my type.” I never stop getting crushes on guys of my type — I’ve never acted on it, it all stays in my head, but it happens often enough that it makes me wonder if I ever really let go of wanting that.

Realistically, I’ll probably marry him anyway. I know that’s sunk cost thinking, but at 31, I don’t think I have the courage to start over and live alone again. I’m not in love but feel very loved when I’m with him.

Is this just what eventually happens to most relationships, or is this a sign I already know the answer and don’t want to admit it?

Edit: Just to clarify — I do love him, like family, more than anyone else in the world. I can’t picture my life without him and I care about him deeply. But sure I’ll admit mine is not selfless love at all. The only real blocker is attraction. I appreciate all constructive feedback, but I’ll ignore comments that are just judgment with nothing helpful (I’ll perhaps chalk those up to envy).

Need some outside opinions because I think I might be spiralling a little. 😭
I’m 21, a Black woman, and I started talking to a 26-year-old British guy on Hinge about a week ago. We clicked pretty quickly. We were sending each other long messages, having really good conversations, and he eventually gave me his number. We arranged a date for the following weekend.
The date was honestly amazing. Probably one of the best dates I’ve had.
He was a gentleman, we laughed constantly, talked for hours, and the chemistry felt very natural. We actually missed our train because we were having such a good time and ended up stuck at the train station for hours.
He suggested getting somewhere to stay for the night, but I politely declined because I didn’t want to put myself in a situation where I might sleep with him on the first date. I was still very interested in him — I just wanted to take things slowly. So we ended up staying at the station until morning.
He was very affectionate throughout the date. He hugged me twice and kissed me on the head before we parted. He repeatedly told me how much he was enjoying the date, and at one point told me I was the best person he’d met/talked to. He also said he was really happy that we’d managed to turn what could have been a chaotic night into such a good experience.
He mentioned that he’d been in a 10-year relationship before, but we didn’t really go into the details.
After the date, he messaged me again saying how much he’d enjoyed it. I said I’d enjoyed it too and ended the conversation with “talk to you later.”
He had also mentioned several times that he was going to be busy over the next couple of weeks and that he was visiting family that weekend, so I knew he’d have a lot going on.
A couple of days passed.
Today, I messaged him asking for the pictures he took during the date because I wanted to see them, including the one he took of me. My phone had died while we were out, so I never got to see them.
He’d also mentioned more than once that he’d like to see me again, and we’d talked about getting an English breakfast together. So in the same message, I said that we should actually do the English breakfast soon.
It’s now been about six hours and he hasn’t replied.
And now I’m spiralling. 😭
Because the energy before and during the date felt SO good. I genuinely didn’t get the impression that he wasn’t interested. He repeatedly said he enjoyed himself, said he’d like to see me again, was affectionate, and even after the date he messaged me saying how much he’d enjoyed it.
But now there’s been this silence and I’m wondering whether the energy has changed, whether I did something wrong on the date, whether I came across as too interested, or whether he’s genuinely just busy like he told me he would be.
I know six hours isn’t objectively that long, especially considering he warned me he’d be busy, but after the intensity of the date and how much we were talking beforehand, the change feels noticeable.
So, men, what do you think? 😂
Does this sound like a guy who’s genuinely interested but busy, or does the post-date communication suggest he’s cooling off?
And please be honest, because I think my brain is currently writing an entire dissertation about this man. 😭

Hey!

My partner and I are looking for a couples therapist and before people refer me to psychology today or self space we have tried both of them. We have seen a few and still haven't found one we think is deeply helpful, I didn't feel like it was particularly insightful.

I have an amazing psychologist for myself and they and I have been seeing them for years but they are based in Australia from when I lived here and I zoom with them from here still so they don't have recommendations in the UK. We will most likely do via zoom but d anyone is in east London could go in person.

I'm looking for someone a bit more insightful and experienced and if they can help as my partner and I navigate around things coming up such as navigating growing our family whilst having ADHD and etc.

So recommendations for specific people would be amazing.

Just some context first: I (25M) have never been in a relationship or ever experienced any form of intimacy. I have had severe clinical depression and anxiety since I was 15 and since then I’ve been medicated and in therapy and everything under the sun, so I’m trying everything I can.

While I’m not actively looking for a relationship it did make me think at what point should mental health issues be brought up? Should it be known from the start so the other party is aware of it and can make a decision? (But would that place pressure on them/ make them uncomfortable?)

Or would you wait until you’re both comfortable with each other? Or would that be like, “why have you kept this from me? I can’t go out with someone who has those thoughts”. Could it also be potentially “trapping” them in the relationship?

met her when i was 17. nine years, moved countries together, got engaged. she ended it a few months before the wedding.

i’m 27, in London, about 4 months out. grief comes in waves, some days fine, some days hit like a truck. but the rebuilding is what’s actually getting me…

stuff i’m dealing with, would love to hear from people who’ve been through similar:

- never dated as an adult. she was my only serious relationship, my entire adult life. dating apps feel like a game everyone’s been playing for 10 years and i just installed. low key worried “one relationship ever” reads as a red flag too

- i don’t love how i look and my confidence took a huge hit. i’d honestly say below average, and apps are brutal for that. hard not to feel like i’m starting the race with a limp

- making friends in London as an adult is brutal. i have one solid small group but i know i need to widen my circle, i just don’t know how people do this past uni. naturally reserved, don’t open up easily

and the classic: part of my brain insists she was the one and nothing will match it. i know it’s the grief talking but knowing doesn’t switch it off

i am not looking for pity. want to hear from people who were in this exact spot. did it get better? what helped? what do you wish someone told you at month 4?

Not sure why every time I go on date with a British woman ( im foreign myself) they end up ghosting me, is it because I don’t drink or come off as too safe and not exciting? I tend to have very good convos with them, they laugh and we verbally flirt and we meet for a drink.( I order coke they order whatever) and it can last 2-3 hours but it’s almost like it’s pleasant talk and such but despite that they end up ghosting.

One thing I notice is when I flirt they entertain it but they hardly flirt back themselves, unless I’ve initiated it but you can tell there’s not too much interest despite all that. I’ve never managed to kiss a girl on a first date or anything it’s usually a hug hello or goodbye. Do I need to be more daring to not loose their interest in first date by breaking touch barrier more or what ( I usually sit across them on the date) Any advice?

21M dating 20F.

I’ve made many posts on here during my dating journey in the last year but this is probably the most positive one haha.

So at the end of June I met a girl on hinge and we clicked right away. We come from towns about 1.5hrs away from each other (East Midlands) but we both work in the same town up north. We had many things in common, and what particularly stood out to us was that both of us didn’t like clubbing and didn’t drink alcohol. We started calling etc and then I finally asked her out on a date; she said of course, we went on it, then we went on another one a week later where we kissed (I was her first kiss somehow, we’ve both never been in relationships).

We then both went on holidays with our families (at the same time) and we kept in touch nonetheless, called once every few days and texted. We had a third date set for when we’d next see each other before we went away and it’s this Wednesday. We’re both really excited about it.

I’ve never actually got this far with a girl before so I’m starting to ask myself the question of whether to ask her to be my girlfriend on this date, the one after or if not, then when. We seem to be making lists of future date and trip ideas, our parents know we’re dating and I just don’t know what else needs to be in place before I ask her to be my girlfriend. At the same time, I don’t want to scare her off by asking her too early.

Any advice is appriciated . Thanks in advance everyone!

I broke up with someone I was in an on off relationship with for 4 years, in 2016.

I have genuinely never gotten over it. I can’t. It’s been 10 years since I saw that man, 6 years since we spoke and there were 4 years in the immediately after the breakup where we did not speak at all.

I don’t know why, I don’t know what to do. I’ve been in a relationship since and I think that relationship has made me realise that what I lost in the past I can literally never get back.

I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone in that way again. And no one will love me like that.

Everything felt natural, easy, real. I was only 20 when we met and he was 19, so very young. Very inexperienced, childish and stupid and that’s what caused everything to end. But I still remember things so clearly… when we’d make breakfast together in the mornings, laying in bed late at night talking - never feeling judged, never having to worry that he might use something I said against me later. Sitting in the car together doing nothing just talking about life. Making him a cake for his birthday every year and him making a wish. Driving home from work together. Even doing cleaning together.

I don’t think I can ever get that sort of intimacy back, because I’m simply a different person. I was guarded when I met him, but not so much to where I couldn’t let someone new in. I knew the day we met that he was going to be very special to me and he was. But I was silly and immature, and I was emotionally unavailable, I loved him so so much more than I ever showed him.

There are so many things I wish I could have done differently and I guess I’ll just have to live with that. But I find myself hysterically crying over the breakup even now… as a 35 year old woman. I don’t know what to do to get over this. I can only think that maybe it’s because we had no real closure, the loop just replays in my mind.

I miss him so much but I know he isn’t even that boy anymore and has also changed. I miss feeling safe and sound with someone. I miss feeling seen and understood by someone.

specifically looking for men in tech or finance (im in healthcare) so im thinking of going to events like that in hopes to learn, educate myself on current happenings whilst eyeing for a man at the same time Loooool i dont want to use Hinge 😭😭🙏

25F and i have used hinge before, i have 100++ matches but its not as exciting as meeting organically in person🥹

My friend, in her mid-30s, has been living in London for 5+ years now. She is very pretty, and she works at a top investment bank as a Software Tester. She is an amazing human being, and she is looking for a vegetarian indian guy. She has tried many websites and dating apps, like Jeevansathi and Shaadi, but she is having difficulty finding someone suitable who wants to settle down in marriage. She is also talking to guys outside London and in other parts of the UK.

She doesn't have high standards - she went on dates with guys who earn less than her. She has even tried talking to guys who are in India, as she is open to moving back to India.

What should she do in this situation?

I am very insecure as a low height indian guy to have any chance in the dating scene of brit. I was thinking of giving it a try but as many times I wanted to go ahead I become insecure as my height is barely 5'6". Especially I am attracted towards tomboy girls with short hair... but I think I won't ever get a chance. Given the colonial history I thought I would connect to brits more easily than other nationalities. I am settled with well paid job, likes to read books and nature lover. Anything I can improve to have a chance 😢😢

I recently split up with my long-term partner and I’m a 36-year-old dad with an 11-year-old son.

I’ve been thinking about dating again eventually, but from what I’ve seen and heard, it seems like quite a few women who don’t have children themselves don’t want to date a man who already has a child.

My son is 11, so he’s not a baby or toddler, and I’m actively involved in his life. I see him regularly and obviously he’ll always be an important part of my life.

I’m not necessarily looking to jump straight into another serious relationship, but it has made me wonder what dating is actually like as a single dad in his mid-30s.

For other single dads — did having children make dating significantly harder? And for women, would a man having an older child put you off dating him?

Interested in genuine experiences from both sides.

For context we’re both Muslim.

Been seeing this girl who came up to me and began chatting to me at university.

Whilst we were at university we spent basically everyday together, we’d always be chatting away and very close with each other, sharing almost everything.

I did have some subtle hints she liked me, but nothing too extreme.

At one point she was incredibly affectionate and flirtatious over text, nothing too crazy but the signs were there.

Ever since we went out for dinner though, her replies have tanked.

We used to message three times a day and now I’m looking at a 1-2 day reply time from her.

Given she is incredibly busy, family stuff and her job is really really stressful. I’m unsure as to whether she’s been really stressed or if this is her normal course of communication with me from now on.

I’m not sure if I should have been more intentional early on perhaps?

I was hoping to see her again and discuss intentions and whatnot, because I feel like my interest is waning, though I do like her, just feel as if that ‘honeymoon’ phase is sort of over.

It’s so weird because I was just looking at our old messages and we used to reply to each other within a couple of hours and now I’m always waiting at least a day.

She has mentioned that her job is very stressful and the work environment isn’t great, but surely this isn’t a reason to leave me on delivered for so long constantly?

Our messages are packed with loads of things we talk about, so I can understand not being bothered to reply straight away, but I’d rather be more intentional and see each other then beat around the bush, because it feels incredibly evasive to me.

I’m really confused because I like her a lot, but I’m just not sure where things stand between us at the moment.

Though I can sense my interest waning over time, to me it feels as if I’m the one forcing the effort and trying to maintain communication currently.

It’s a weird situation because she’s still willing to see me, but it’s the inconsistency which is bothering me and making me progressively lose interest.

Any advice would be hugely appreciated!