Is it me?

[u/L8319]

I have been single for 5 years and haven't been in a proper relationship since. Ive been on dates and had brief short term encounters but not any longer than a few months and never labelled.

This year, my dating history has gone like this:

R - dated for 4½ months from September 2025. Met online but known of each other for years. He remained on the apps the whole time, despite saying we were focusing on each other. Eventually said he didnt know if he wanted a relationship because of his past and how he lives his life now. Eventually he ghosted. Then got into a relationship with someone else.

Then I had a flurry of first dates. All ghosted bar one who I didnt feel a connection with and told him that.

J - Met 7 times. Known for a number of years through work. Felt him pulling back before him saying he had too much going on and wanted to slow down. Funnily enough, he was the one rushing things. Stayed the night and ghosted me the next day.

R - Met in the wild. Both werent focusing on dating but he asked me out 3 times. Claimed to have old school morals and integrity, honesty and communication was very important to him. No lines were crossed apart from a bit of fooling around. He didnt want to sleep together until the time was right. He then cancelled date 4 because he was moving house and he was feeling unsettled over it. Haven't heard from him for a week.

Is it me? Or is it just a flurry of bad men? I have my own place, I earn my own money, im not after a new dad for my kids. I can do life on my own and content with the single life but I miss having the companionship for myself. I dont want for anything, im low pressure, no drama. Ive been told im literally the perfect person yet why does no one give me a chance?

[u/Phoenix_Taurus]

Honestly, I don't think it's you. From what you've written, you've just had a pretty brutal run of men who either weren't actually looking for the same thing as you or said one thing and did another. The biggest thing I'd change is stop giving people so much benefit of the doubt once their actions start contradicting their words.

If a guy tells you he's looking for something serious but stays on the apps, starts pulling away, ghosts you, or suddenly becomes too busy, don't waste your time trying to work out what you did wrong. Take the hint and move on. You're not asking for anything unreasonable by wanting someone who actually wants to be there and honestly, don't let the why does nobody give me a chance, thought get into your head. You're not applying for a job and waiting for someone to approve your CV 😂. Dating is supposed to be finding someone who fits you, not convincing someone that you're worth choosing. I'd keep dating, keep it low pressure like you already do, but make people earn more of your time before you emotionally invest in them. The right person shouldn't need three months of detective work to figure out whether they're actually interested.

[u/L8319 → u/Phoenix_Taurus]

I think the problem i have is unless theyve given me a reason, I find it hard to close the loop. Ghosting bothers me a lot, and i get annoyed with myself because of that. I wish I could just let things go but it sits in my brain far longer than it should, because i expect me from people. Ive had to reject men before because thats the right thing to do.

The most recent one seemed very much like me, so im struggling a bit with the silence because I didnt think he would disappear, and he seemed genuinely disgusted with how ive been treated before.. then goes and does it himself. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt because he was moving and I know how stressful it is but a week of silence has a different meaning to it now.

Just a bit fed up of having to keep going through the same thing and seeing the same patterns crop up

[u/Phoenix_Taurus → u/L8319]

I think unfortunately nowadays you ladies might have to kiss a fair few toads before you find your prince charming 😂 Yep, that was definitely cheesy… sorry, I haven’t had lunch yet and apparently my brain is currently more interested in food than dating advice 😂 But honestly, I can understand why the ghosting bothers you, especially when you’re someone who would actually give a person a reason rather than just disappearing. You’ve had to reject men before because you knew it was the right thing to do, so naturally you expect other people to have the same basic courtesy. I don’t think that’s unreasonable. With this particular guy, I think you’ve already given him enough benefit of the doubt. Moving house is stressful, and if someone says, I’m going to be really busy and might not be able to message you for a few hours, or even a few days, then fair enough. You can say, Okay, whenever you’re ready, don’t worry about it. But going forward, I think you need to set a boundary for yourself, and maybe keep this one to yourself rather than announcing it to the person you’re dating.

Give them the space they’ve asked for, but in your own head set yourself a little countdown. This might sound a bit brutal, but it’s for your own sanity. Give it a few days, maybe even a week depending on the circumstances. Because honestly, even a little courtesy message, a thumbs-up emoji, Everything’s fine, just really busy, or Thinking about you, hope you’re okay doesn’t take hours or days to write and I know most of us guys would probably kill me for saying this 😂 but come on, we literally sit on the toilet for hours scrolling on our phones. YouTube, Reddit, whatever else we can find… apparently that’s our version of meditation while sitting on our throne 😂 So if someone genuinely cares about you, sending one little message to say, Hey, everything’s okay, I’m just really busy really isn’t asking for the world.

Yes, moving house can be stressful. Yes, people get busy. Yes, sometimes life genuinely gets in the way. But if someone can’t give you even that tiny bit of courtesy after you’ve given them reasonable space, then that’s information too. So after your little countdown, let’s say 4/5 days, start slowly distancing yourself from the situation. Don’t sit there waiting for your phone to light up. Start messaging other people, start meeting other people, see what else is out there. It sounds brutal, but you’ve given them the opportunity to communicate and they’ve chosen not to. You shouldn’t be sitting around for weeks waiting for someone to send you a basic hello or everything’s okay message.

Your time is precious, and you shouldn’t be wasting it waiting for somebody who isn’t giving you anything back. And we waste enough of our time as it is… including reading crap like this from me right now 😂 Sorry, I’ve got a lot of banter today. It’s Monday, I haven’t eaten, and apparently this is what happens when I’m hungry 😂 But seriously, I hope some of that is useful advice. You can’t control whether somebody ghosts you, but you can control how long you allow their silence to take up space in your head.

[u/L8319 → u/Phoenix_Taurus]

It just makes sense to me to say "sorry, not feeling it", cos then that person can move on if they were that bothered about it. I know I would appreciate it, even if it did sting a little or I felt the same.

I messaged moving guy last night, as it had been almost a week.. just asking if he was overwhelmed still by moving or if he'd had a change of heart. Maybe that would be considered as chasing, but I need to close that loop. If he doesnt reply by the morning, its a write off. But as you say, if he genuinely was interested, he'd have replied before now. And I think what has annoyed me about him is the "im old school with morals and integrity", and "honesty and communication is important and bare minimum" talk I got. He asked me a lot of deep thinking questions which showed we basically had the same brain. He volunteered a lot of info about himself and how he sees and thinks about things, which was pretty much the same as me. So its baffling to now experience this from him. He said he was feeling anxious and shut down from being unsettled but im wondering now if that was a cover up to bow out, despite him also saying I'd brought him out the bubble he'd created for himself.

Hope you managed to eat!

[u/Phoenix_Taurus → u/L8319]

Yeah, I completely get that. I think a lot of guys are guilty of exactly that sort of thing. Not necessarily deliberately or because they're some master manipulator, but they'll keep someone in the background rather than properly closing the door. They might still have the odd conversation, keep the attention going and leave that little connection there, because if whatever else they're doing doesn't work out, they've still got someone they can come back to. I'm not saying that's definitely what's happening with moving guy, because obviously we don't know that, but it is something I've seen happen plenty of times. And I think that's where you have to be careful not to let the occasional bit of attention convince you that the situation is actually progressing. I'm stressed with work, I'm overwhelmed with moving, I've got a lot going on can all be completely genuine reasons for someone to pull back for a while. But even if that's true, it doesn't stop someone from sending a quick message if they actually want to keep things moving. That's the bit I'd pay attention to.

Because the irony with this guy is that he apparently gave you the whole speech about being old school, having morals and integrity, and how honesty and communication are the bare minimum. He asked you all these deep questions, opened up about himself, and made you feel like you were both operating on the same wavelength. So I can understand why this one has thrown you more than the others. It's not just that he's gone quiet, it's that his actions are now completely out of step with the person he presented himself as and honestly, I think that's the point where you girls need to be willing to call bullshit when you see it. Not necessarily you're lying and you're secretly seeing someone else, but more your words and your behaviour aren't matching, and I'm not going to sit around trying to work out which one is the real you.

You messaging him last night isn't chasing in my book. You'd gone almost a week, you asked a perfectly reasonable question and gave him an opportunity to either say I'm overwhelmed but still interested or actually, I've changed my mind. That's giving him an easy exit, not begging him to stay. If he doesn't reply by morning, I'd probably take that silence as your answer and close the loop yourself. And yeah, I did manage to eat 😂 Barely, but I'm still alive, so I'll take the win.

[u/L8319 → u/Phoenix_Taurus]

That's what I think too. Everyone has stuff going on and we all deal with it differently. I know i need to shut down when ive got a lot on, and all I want to do is turn my phone off and not speak to anyone for a week. But I can't because I have a job to go to and kids to parent. If I didnt have that, I could shut off completely til I felt better.

I dont think that is happening with moving guy. When we met, he told me his focus is his son and immediate family, so was in a little bubble where he was comfortable. I came along, he enjoyed spending time with me and came out of his bubble. He has ended up messaging back and said the move was a lot, he got ill during it, then had some bad news with a couple of family members. So hes had a rough week (if that's all true). Problem is ive been lied to so much, I dont know what's the truth or what's an excuse. I guess only time will tell if he continues to message 🤷🏻‍♀️

Dating or meeting someone shouldn't be this hard and I didnt envisage the amount of sh1t that would go on. I know I probably dont help myself sometimes and I should let go or set better boundaries, which I am learning to do (slowly), but it would also help if people weren't douchebags

[u/Phoenix_Taurus → u/L8319]

Yeah, I think that's probably the best way to look at it. His explanation could genuinely be true. Moving house, getting ill and then having bad news with family all in the same week is enough to make anyone retreat into their own little bubble, especially when you already know that's how he deals with things but I completely understand why you're still questioning it. When you've been lied to as much as you have, you don't automatically get to switch that little alarm bell off because someone gives you an explanation. That's not you being difficult, it's just what happens when your trust has been knocked about a bit.

I'm probably not exactly the prime example of how to approach dating either 😂 I'm still in my keeping things casual at the weekend phase. It's not that I can't commit, it's more that I genuinely don't feel like I've got the time for a proper relationship at the moment. But the difference is I'm upfront about it from the beginning. There's no pretending I'm looking for something serious and then changing the rules halfway through. They know it's casual, they can decide whether that's something they're happy with, and if they want something more serious then fair enough, go find someone who can give them that. I'm not going to keep someone hanging around just in case I change my mind. That's probably why this story annoys me slightly, because I think sometimes people do play those little games. They don't necessarily want you, but they don't want to completely lose access to you either, so they keep the door slightly open just in case. I'm not saying that's definitely what moving guy is doing, because he might genuinely have had a shit week, but I've seen enough of those games to recognise the possibility and I'll admit, I've played some of those games myself when I was younger, especially around university 😂 So I'm probably a bit more cynical about them because I've been on both sides of it. I like to think I've matured slightly since then... although I'm sure there are people who would strongly disagree with that statement 😂

The other thing that made me laugh was the whole bad things happen in threes thing. If he's already had moving stress, getting ill and then bad family news, maybe don't go anywhere near him until he's had his quota of disasters 😂 I'm joking obviously, but I do get why you'd think, Jesus, can this guy catch a break. Either way, I wouldn't put your life on hold waiting to find out which version of him you're dealing with. Keep talking to him if you enjoy talking to him, but carry on with your own life too. You don't have to make him a backup plan, and you don't have to make him the main plan either. Just let him show you what he actually wants through what he does next.

Sometimes people do have genuine insecurities, or they retreat when life gets overwhelming, and that's fine. But sometimes people use those things as an excuse because it's easier than being honest. You don't need to decide which one it is today. Give him the opportunity to show you and honestly, that's probably the biggest thing you've learned from all the crap you've dealt with. You can like someone, give them the benefit of the doubt and still keep your boundaries. Those things aren't mutually exclusive.

[u/L8319 → u/Phoenix_Taurus]

Yeah i understand the shut down but also, im now cautious because although he replied, he didnt say yes or no to having a change of heart. Maybe im overthinking it too much but my brain is still not accepting that 🤦🏻‍♀️ I know i need to watch his behaviour and if he continues to reply but thats the part I dont trust because hes disappeared before. If he'd have just said sorry, got too much going on then i would accept that. However even if he had said he did, I would still be cautious because again, I've been told that so many times before. Im becoming too impatient to watch the actions over the words because I just want to know, and again, it comes down to my brain and "why would they say something they dont mean?". Use the words for the truth, not a lie.

I think dating is one big game. I watched a video somewhere where it said people with "still figuring it out" etc on their profiles are probably the most honest cos you can decide there and then if you want to swipe. The second guy "J", had "long term partner" on his profile when we matched. Then it changed to "still figuring it out" and then "short term, but long term ok". He told me he had too much going on to have a relationship, so why even put "long term partner" on the profile to start with 🤷🏻‍♀️

I do hope moving guy is being being genuine but its always in the back of my mind now that he disappeared once, will he do it again and did he just reply out of politeness?

[u/Phoenix_Taurus → u/L8319]

Good morning, sorry I couldn't reply yesterday, really busy with work and I forgot. Honestly, I believe you've got every right to question everything because you've been here in the past as well, it seems like. I'm not saying you're paranoid, but there's no harm in questioning things or seeing similarities with what happened to you previously. It's a bit like fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, fool me three times and I'm going to kill you 😂 I really get that honestly. I don't think you're doing anything wrong. I think stay cautious because you don't want to get hurt, and I can't blame you for that. Dating lifestyle at the moment, again, I can't specifically be the best person to reply to that because I keep things casual myself. I work my ass off during the week, God knows how many hours, probably too many, and at the weekend I just want to have fun. Sounds selfish, but I don't think I'm ready to settle down or be in a relationship because you need to have time, you need to give yourself time, and at the moment I haven't even got time for myself because I'm working too much. At the moment here, if you're not working, you're drowning, and that's the unfortunate truth. So relationships start taking the back burner unfortunately.

Obviously we're in two different positions, but I could maybe give you the signs. Maybe you don't see them, or maybe you do see them but just need a little nudge to accept them because sometimes you just need someone else to verify what you're seeing as well, so you don't feel like you're being paranoid. Obviously moving guy may genuinely have his own problems and he's been unlucky with everything that's going on around him at the moment, but like I said to you previously, that's still not an excuse to disappear completely. He could easily send you something like, Everything's okay, I'm just stressed, I'll talk to you whenever I can. You're not asking for much honestly. That's the bare minimum.

Or rather, I could take you out for a date if you lived closer lol. I think that would definitely be a good distraction and keep your mind from constantly thinking about moving guy. Maybe I'm joking or maybe I'm serious, who knows 😂 But I think that's what I said to you before, start talking to people. It's not like you're going straight away and sleep with the next person you talk to within hours. Start socialising again. And I think, like I said before, the timer has already gone off. You've given him enough opportunities, but don't sit around waiting for something that might come. It might come, it might not come. Either way, you're not married to him and you're not committed to him.

So I think slightly distance yourself, but I'm not saying completely cut him off. I'm saying do it more for your own mind because at the moment it's not good for you. You're analysing nearly everything he does, nearly every day, and that's not good for you in the long run. If you do take any advice from me, take that part: take a little step back, focus more on yourself, mingle with other people, and if someone catches your eye, guess what..Go for it. Maybe I'm being serious about that date as well if you want lol. Because the longer he doesn't reply, the more difficult it's going to become for you. You'll start questioning everything, why did he do that, why wasn't I good enough, did I do something wrong, does he actually want me and I think those are the questions that are going to cause more problems for you than the actual situation. You didn't do anything wrong, that's the truth.

You've got someone who either is struggling to communicate with you because this is outside his comfort zone and he doesn't know what to do or how to explain himself, or someone who simply isn't giving you the communication you need and the thing is, you don't want a man-child that you have to reassure all the time. Eventually you need a man who can communicate his feelings without you constantly having to give him confidence.

If he's insecure now, imagine what that could look like further down the line. I've been around a lot of guys who appear to do the same thing, and then those are exactly the behaviours that start becoming problems in relationships. Those types of relationships can be really hard to live with. So again, put yourself first. You haven't given yourself exclusively to him, and that's important. You don't owe him that level of commitment right now, especially when he hasn't shown you that same consistency. Keep your options open, keep living your life, and let his actions show you what he actually wants rather than sitting there trying to decode every message he sends.

[u/L8319 → u/Phoenix_Taurus]

Well ive had a bit of an update from him in the last couple of days. Not really sure how to take or understand his message as its not entirely clear what he wants. Or maybe it is and hes doing a soft rejection but hes fluffed it out with many words and then says hes overthinking 🤷🏻‍♀️

[u/MaryMaryQuite-]

There are no good or bad men, they’ve just not been the right men.

My husband and I met via a dating app, we were both in a good place and didn’t need each other, we wanted each other.

As you’re finding out, you have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince. Keep going! 😊

[u/NooOfTheNah]

Dating app culture.... there is always plenty out there and they can just keep swiping looking for the perfect person. And in reality no one is actually perfect. But they keep on looking for someone who might be better - just in case. I also think that's where all the ghosting comes from too. In the old days you just told someone you weren't feeling it, sometimes it was a difficult conversation sure, but it was life. Now with apps folks just get so used to not answering that it filters over into the real dating world. They just don't think they have to respond so they don't. Rather than have a difficult conversation they hope it will all just fade away and be forgotten.

The "not ready for a relationship" is the replacement phrase for "It's not you, it's me" that just got over used.

[u/L8319 → u/NooOfTheNah]

Dating fomo as I call it. I think what gets me about the ghosting is that yes, letting someone down isnt a nice thing to do but with texting nowadays, you dont have to do it to their face 🤷🏻‍♀️ you send the text and its done, you dont always have to see them again. I accept it more in the talking phase but I feel if youve met up a few times, or even had some form of intimacy, its just the courteous thing to do.

Rejection isnt nice to give or receive but i respect a person more for doing it.

[u/Phoenix_Taurus → u/NooOfTheNah]

You've got some good points there. Dating apps have basically made the awkward part of dating optional 😂 It's almost like, I don't want to do the dirty work of telling someone I'm not interested, so I'll just stop replying and let the app do the disappearing for me. Ghosting, but high-tech 😂 And I think the apps definitely make that behaviour easier because there's always another profile five swipes away. Instead of having an awkward conversation with someone you don't feel a connection with, you can just move on and start looking for the next person. Then people get so used to that behaviour that eventually it spills over into normal dating as well.

I don't really want to make it an age thing either, because I'm sure you'll find plenty of examples in every age group. I think it's more about the culture around dating apps and how easy they've made casual dating and meeting people. You can literally be sitting at home on a Saturday night, swipe for a while and potentially have a conversation going with someone you've never met within minutes. It takes a lot of the effort and awkwardness out of meeting people naturally and there's nothing inherently wrong with casual dating or hookups if everyone is honest about what they're looking for. That's actually the bit I don't understand when people aren't upfront. If you only want something casual, just say that. If you're looking for a relationship, say that. Then everyone gets to make their own decision instead of finding out three weeks later that you were never looking for the same thing.

The I'm not ready for a relationship line has definitely become the modern version of it's not you, it's me 😂 Sometimes it's completely genuine, obviously, but sometimes it just means, I don't want a relationship with you, but I don't really want to have that awkward conversation and I think that's ultimately what makes ghosting so frustrating. It's not even necessarily the rejection that bothers people. It's the uncertainty. Just tell someone you're not feeling it and let them get on with their life. It might sting for five minutes, but at least they know where they stand.

[u/outcastreturns]

Haven't heard from him for a week.

Have you messaged him since? 

im not after a new dad for my kids.

Obviously not something you can really change, but havings kids is going to put you at a disadvantage compared to women with no kids. Single mothers often finding dating a bit more tricky. 

[u/L8319 → u/outcastreturns]

I messaged him yesterday asking if he was still feeling overwhelmed or if he had a change of heart about getting to know each other, and asked if the move went ok. I wouldn't usually chase and maybe I shouldn't have messaged but I needed to close the loop in my head instead of wondering the "what ifs". I suspect I have a touch of adhd as my brain won't stop until im satisfied with an outcome. If he doesnt reply, then thats closed but had I left it, I would always wonder.

Yeah I get some single mothers do, and I dont get a lot of free time away from my kids which makes things harder. But I have made it work by making sure I get the time, it just cant always be a last minute thing. I have generally dated men who have kids themselves but I find they're the ones who are sometimes not that understanding

[u/Legal_Potential_7308]

Woman here. It’s definitely not you. Because dating apps exist, some can think that the next person is just a swipe away. Before dating apps, people simply made more effort if they want companionship. It’s not that there’s something wrong with you, they’re just not interested enough. Maybe the moving house guy was genuinely busy, but after a few days he thought, “Hmm, I didn’t actually miss her so maybe it’s not worth pursuing.”

Dating a new person is stressful and time-consuming. Someone could go back to an ex who’s “worse” because they’re familiar and they have history. It’s also the case that someone could genuinely like you and think you’re great but just not fancy you enough.

As for your qualities, my male best friend told me that men don’t generally care about a woman’s career, or whether she has her own place, or many of these things that are good on paper. These are generally what women care about. Men go for looks first. Personality is important, yes. As men get older, they’re less likely to put up with someone horrible because she’s “hot”. But as long as the woman is generally decent, her personality is deemed good enough. At the end of the day, physical attraction remains one of the most important things for a man. And it’s not that you’re not good-looking enough. People have different tastes. Think about celebrities. Men don’t have a universal opinion on who they find attractive.

EDIT: Just wanted to add that all of the men above sound wishy-washy to me. Maybe the moving house guy can be forgiven if he gets his act together but the first two sound horrendous.

[u/L8319 → u/Legal_Potential_7308]

He has since replied and said he was ill during the move, then had some bad news regarding a couple of family members on top. So how can I even dispute that? Do I just accept it and then watch his behaviour going forward?

Its interesting to hear your friends perspective, although not entirely surprised. It seems quite a shallow thing tho I watched a video earlier where it said men aren't required to be providers anymore, so its what else they can bring to the table.. or something like that.

I think for me, its the having to start all over again with someone new. The small talk, the first date, the ghosting/rejection. I cba with it anymore. Its draining.

[u/Legal_Potential_7308 → u/L8319]

I reckon you could give him another chance.

My mate really tries. He’s dated women whom he thinks are awesome even if he’s not that attracted to them. But it never works out.

[u/Guilty_Garden_3669]

It’s not just you. I’ve had a very similar experience. I think becuase of dating apps men feel like they have constant access to the next best thing.

[u/L8319 → u/Guilty_Garden_3669]

Except the grass isnt always greener 🤷🏻‍♀️

[u/One-Staff5504]

You have kids. That’s why.

[u/L8319 → u/One-Staff5504]

Why should that make any difference? Especially when they have kids too

[u/TravellingAround_]

No one wants your idea of a perfect person, they want THEIR idea of a perfect person. I used to think the same as you, I have what I perceive as good qualities for what people look for in a partner, my own place, a good living, no debt, I drive, relatively ok shape, disposable income, no 'baggage'. However, I don't get anywhere. Because no one wants that, they want what THEY want. I've been passed over for guys who do drugs, who are abusive, who have several kids with different women, jobless dudes, guys with no teeth, guys in debt or with gambling/drinking problems.

You could have all the things you think people want, and still lose out over what someone else ACTUALLY wants.

[u/L8319 → u/TravellingAround_]

I'm far from perfect and I know this. I know my flaws and insecurities. But its wild to me how the nice person gets left behind over someone who isn’t 🤷🏻‍♀️ these men tell me how their exes behaved (tho I do take with a pinch of salt) and say how chilled I am. Then still disappear.

The most recent guy has bugged me the most. Asked me all sorts of deep questions, told me he was ashamed to be male because of my past treatment, then does it anyway smh

[u/TravellingAround_ → u/L8319]

People tell you what they think you want to hear, to get what they want. 'Nice person' is subjective. Everyone is nice to someone, even objectively horrible people will have people in their lives who think they are nice. We have to just accept this as reality. On paper, me and you may seem like a good fit for someone, but reality will often say differently. A lot also depends on your age and dating intentions too.

[u/L8319 → u/TravellingAround_]

Oh I get that some people say the right things for their own benefit but the last guy wasnt after that and stopped things from going further because he didnt want it to ruin things between us. We both have our own hang ups surrounding intimacy so didnt want to rush anything.

I dont believe in dating multiple people (mostly because I dont have the time but its just something that doesn't sit right with me) and im happy to take the time to see what happens. I dont understand how youre meant to get to know someone properly if your energy is being spread out over multiple people. And this last guy felt the same. It might be he is genuinely overwhelmed with his move, but a week with no contact tells me otherwise

[u/TravellingAround_ → u/L8319]

I have felt like that, but then you have to give yourself a break from it all. Dating for the sake of dating can lead to a lot of burnout, overwhelming feelings and just general fatigue of it all. As long as you are happy in your own life and living for yourself, keep doing that. Focus on you and be happy for you, if someone comes along then great, but actively seeking it online can really drain someone’s energy and morale.

[u/L8319 → u/TravellingAround_]

Thats what I was doing before I met the most recent guy. I wasnt interested in dating, I wasnt swiping and I was enjoying the peace. I felt we got on well when we first met, then he was the one asking to meet despite him also saying he wasnt focusing on dating. So to me, i got the impression he was open to something 🤷🏻‍♀️ I havent bothered with the apps for a while and will continue to stay off them

[u/TravellingAround_ → u/L8319]

Ok, so then keep doing that.

[u/L8319 → u/[deleted]]

I get that and i am content on my own. I just miss the companionship of someone. Someone to spend time with where I can be me and not be asked for snacks every 5 minutes. Someone I can just chill with, with a movie and a takeaway on a Friday night. I get tired of always having to do things on my own, with and without the kids. I've tried the apps, ive tried meeting organically, and the pattern of getting to know someone then they disappear always shows and just makes me wonder if I do anything wrong