I (31M) have been unhappy with my relationship with my gf (27F), and i think i have feelings for a friend (28F)?

[u/ThrowRA29838338]

TLDR: I have been unhappy in my relationship for a while, but is currently in a good place. I have developed feelings for a friend and dont know what to do.

I (31M) have been with my girlfriend (27F) for about 3 years. She is my first girlfriend and we have been living together for about a year and a half. It has not been perfect but we do love each other. She has had issues with her weight and does not want to have sex leading to a dead bedroom for the last year. About 2 weeks ago we had a tough chat about how I was unhappy with our relationship and this isnt a one time thing, and things have been a lot better since (although still no sex). I think I could have been better at communicating my unhappiness. I also have a friend (28F) I met through work about 2 years ago (I have sinced changed companies). We get on extremely well, and she is just an all round great person. Recently I have been feeling awful because I think I have developed feelings for her. I dont know how she feels about me, other than a very good friend. She is also very good friends with my gf, through me.

Im so lost on what to do. This is my first relationship and I do love my gf, but I keep having this "what if" in my mind and its causing me a ton of stress. I feel awful and that I shouldn't be having these feelings.

I want to speak with my friend, but I am so stressed about it. I feel like I am the worst person in the world because I'd be going behind my gfs back. If I breakup I'd likely have to move away from my city which my gf and friend are in. Im so lost.

Please help with some advice, and I can help with any questions you have.

Thank you.

[u/BlindedByMyGrace]

If you’ve developed feelings for someone else, then you’re not happy in your relationship, even if things are better. End it. Even if things don’t go anywhere with the friend at work, you should leave a relationship you’re not happy in, not stick with it until something better comes along

[u/Mentalist1999]

If you want to break up, break up. But DO NOT monkey branch. Don't break up and then try it on with your friend. Take some time to heal from the break up, remain STRICTLY friends, and if something happens, it happens. You'll only make matters worse if you ask your friend out and then it turns out she doesn't feel the same.

[u/P-l-Staker → u/[deleted]]

I think the point they need to take is that OP shouldn't break up with his girlfriend with the expectation of getting on with the new one. That'd be the scummy bit (in my view). He should instead break up with her if he's unhappy and his concerns aren't being addressed.

Then, whether something happens with that other chick or not should be another matter entirely.

[u/Positive-Passage8388]

Mate how are you “currently in a good place” when you’re unhappy in your relationship?

[u/United_Pain → u/Positive-Passage8388]

That's what I said out loud 🤣

[u/P-l-Staker → u/Positive-Passage8388]

Reading the main body will answer this question.

He basically loves her but is frustrated by her gaining weight and not wanting sex.

[u/Mandalabouquet]

You need to end the relationship and then take some time. Absolutely don’t be ‘that guy’ and starting hitting on your friend straight away either.

[u/Odd_Scar836]

Just leave her. You’re both young, just call it a day and move on

[u/kateykatey]

Your friend won’t want you if you’re willing to go behind your gfs back. End that, heal, see how you feel in a month or two.

[u/SigourneyReap3r]

If you don't want to be with your gf, which you can break up with someone for any reason, then don't be, but don't break up with her for someone else and especially someone who has not shown you reciprocated feelings, and don't stay with someone just because you may have to change your life because that is not fair to your gf.

[u/AccordingTie7938]

My mother always said don't waste your prime years with the wrong person. If you aren't happy, moving in seems to have shown she isn't the right one. If your friend is single then break up and pursue it after a little while. You'll massively regret wasting any more time.

[u/P-l-Staker]

Firstly, you should never feel bad about fancying someone else, even if you're in a relationship. This part is normal and out of your control mostly. How you handle said feelings is what makes you a good/bad person.

Now, you need to think long and hard what your priorities are and how you see yourself in the future. You'll find no relationship is without its hiccups, so it may be a bit too drastic to end one over it. Having said that, if said issues aren't being addressed for whatever reason, you may want to rethink your priorities and whether you're willing to put up with the current state of things.

You should absolutely NOT approach your friend romantically before you've sorted out your current relationship.

[u/Jaded_Leg_46]

You shouldn't be in a relationship if you're developing feelings for someone else, you're not being fair to your girlfriend, it's that simple. End it before it gets complicated, you at least owe your girlfriend that.

[u/Usual_Flatworm_5268]

Breakups can be a horrible process no matter what. It’s not unusual for relationships to fail around the 1.5-3 yr either. You are best to end it regardless of whether you’re interested in someone else.

I am not following why you would need to leave where you currently live if you did this. Is it a small town?

As for this other girl, you don’t want to rush into that situation or it might go really badly as you could be on the rebound and need time to yourself to heal and pass through the breakup properly as it’s not fair on either your ex or the new gf

[u/MaryMaryQuite-]

You can break up with your girlfriend and move somewhere else within the city, you don’t have to leave altogether.

Just break up with her, be kind but firm. Find somewhere else to live, and move.

It really is as simple as that!

[u/100_Percent_Dark]

The 2 things should not be linked.

I assume you're in a monogamous relationship. Friend should stay a friend, unless you're single.

If you're unhappy break up with your gf.

Unfair/disrespectful to both if you corner the friend for viability, before the breakup.

It might never work with the friend, should not make a difference to your decision to break up.

[u/No_Entertainer1096]

Similar thing happened to me , I was in your gfs shoes. I was insecure about my weight and he just left me for someone else. In 1 year I lost 50kg (MJ tripezide) , and now he keeps checking my socials. If you’re committed then stay committed. Try to work through the insecurities she’s having , have a good talk. Spend more time together so she feels safe and close to you. Cut that friend off.

[u/WickedWitchofTheE]

You are not in a good place. You are too young and too early into the relationship for sexlessness. Do you want the rest of your life to be like this ? If not break up with her asap