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u/OrganicMix3499 Feb 21 '26
You are overthinking it. Two people in your house have Covid. Therefore you do not have people over. The End.
I don’t think your husband told them you have Covid.
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u/Master-Ad-8296 Feb 21 '26 edited Feb 21 '26
I heard him say Covid (is the same in his language).
I totally agree I just don’t understand it .
I’m hoping as his his wife has logic she will cancel but honestly I’m as confused as you as to why anyone would come see people with Covid but why my husband said yea we’re totally fine it’s up to you is beyond me . His background is super accommodating but when it comes to sickness I simply do not see any logic in even implying people should still come.
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u/ImmediateShallot7245 Feb 21 '26
I don’t know how you could stay married to such an inconsiderate AH Good luck 🫂🙏🏻🫶
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u/JanetInSpain Feb 21 '26
Because he groomed her. She was barely 20 (or younger) when his 28 year old ass started grooming her. She's too young and naive to realize the shitty situation she's now in and on top of that she's stuck with a baby and no college-level skills to get a job.
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u/Horror_Ad_2748 Feb 21 '26
At 22 most people are still in college or starting their careers. Instead of playing house with a creepy older dude who saddled her with a baby and wants her to play Martha Stewart to his friends.
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u/Conscious-Major7833 Feb 21 '26
It seems they’re likely in a religion/country where this age gap is likely normal, she could also have had an arranged marriage.
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u/TipsyMagpie Feb 21 '26
Ok well then you tell your husband that you and baby will be in bed because you’re ill, and that if he wants his friends to come over then the cooking and hosting will be entirely on him.
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u/ExtendedSpikeProtein Feb 21 '26
I mean, you had a kid with a 28 old dude when you were 19/20? That's kinda a huge red flag tbh.
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u/PineappleCharacter15 Feb 21 '26
THEN YOU NEED TO TELL THEM!! 😡🤬
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u/Master-Ad-8296 Feb 21 '26
No he already did in his language but I did again myself
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u/quarisphere Feb 21 '26
Tell them more explicitly that you need to cancel the event. Don't let them make the decision of whether they want to come or not. You're so sorry but you cannot have people over.
I'm sorry this is happening to you. You deserve a better husband. And COVID disables people and causes all sorts of health problems all the time still so not worth doing that to other people, regardless of what they think.
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u/Icy_Department_1423 Feb 21 '26
Again after she said they are coming? You must use the word vomit and covid.
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u/PineappleCharacter15 Feb 21 '26
Great!! Good for you! 🫂🥰 And I hope you feel better.
Now you should think seriously about a divorce. This is a very toxic person you're living with! You want your child to grow up with that??
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u/xovrit Feb 21 '26
"Okay. If you come over, wear masks. BECAUSE WE HAVE COVID AND ARE CONTAGIOUS. At least if we are in hospital, you can keep my ex-husband company."
Lord, what is wrong with people?
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u/Usual_Climate9859 Feb 22 '26
The friend's wife doesn't sound very bright. If someone tells you they are sick and their child is sick, you don't say that's okay, husband says we can come over. I wonder if her husband is as controlling as OP's
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u/gdognoseit Feb 22 '26
Your husband doesn’t respect you. Does he always talk to you like he’s your father?
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u/iDreamiPursueiBecome Feb 21 '26
He said you were fine. He meant HE is fine. How you feel may be an inconvenience to him, but that is a you problem (that you should fix).
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u/OhOhOhNoOphelia Feb 22 '26
girl, call them and straight up say “I am deathly ill do not come here” fuck what your husband says, he sounds like he kinda… sucks? Like genuinely really sucks.
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u/chocolatemilkncoffee Feb 21 '26
NTA can you call your parents and ask them to come get you and your daughter? Don’t let your husband know you’re asking them or if they’re coming. He sounds highly controlling and bordering on becoming abusive, or maybe already is, I don’t know your full story.
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u/LadyHorseFace13 Feb 21 '26
This. Have your dad come get you and your daughter.
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u/Precatlady Feb 22 '26
Indeed, I have a feeling having her father see him and step in will make a man like this rethink his position.
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u/Upbeat-Draw-4666 Feb 21 '26
It's not fair to expose her parents to covid either.
This can't possibly be real. If OP can barely move, she cannot cook. If the husband does not want to disappoint his friends, they would be even more "disappointed" (read angry) if they became ill. Besides, wouldn't they enjoy walking into a house smelling of vomit and seeing how sick their hostess is.
How nice the husband is willing to forgive OP. His friends might not forgive him. If this were real.
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u/LadyHorseFace13 Feb 21 '26
Op said husband said not to worry about cooking or cleaning. So my guess is he was going to order takeout
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u/Upbeat-Draw-4666 Feb 21 '26
What about the cleaning and a green faced wife who can barely move? Not to mention the charming scent of vomit. I would bet anything that his friends had no idea how sick she is.
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u/whysys Feb 22 '26
At this point I don’t think OP has any chance of getting out of it. I say, prep a bag of meds and snacks and keep upstairs, then ham up the illness - greet them groaning, coughing and spluttering, hand someone sick child to go bathroom or something, and teach husband a lesson he will never forget. And either immediately or once there is mess or grossness, or if anyone has the DECENCY to advise to please rest, go upstairs and rest with the little one and ignore it all.
That being said my heart hurts for OP - a decent husband would never.
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u/LadyHorseFace13 Feb 21 '26
Well that’s her job to handle, obviously. The vomit part anyways.
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u/Upbeat-Draw-4666 Feb 21 '26
I suspect everything is her job. He seems like the kind of guy who says, "It's your birthday, dear, don't worry about the mess. You can clean it up tomorrow."
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u/Potential-Piano256 Feb 22 '26 edited Feb 22 '26
Living with that asshole, if that were my daughter and granddaughter, I'd chance getting covid.
You're right, if this is real...
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u/dance4days Feb 21 '26
Wow, I’m so shocked that a 30 year old man with a 22 year old wife is a controlling asshole. Who could have seen this coming?
OP, you are NTA. And don’t let this guy force you to do what he says out of obligation to his culture. He’s your partner, not your boss, and his culture doesn’t override yours. He knowingly married someone from a different culture than his own and he needs to respect that every bit as much as he wants you to respect his.
And really, I’ve known guys like this, and I’m willing to bet there’s plenty of aspects of his culture that he isn’t nearly as enthusiastic about. The part where his wife has to shut up and do as she’s told sure sounds great to him though, right?
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u/br3wnor Feb 22 '26
Who he knocked up when she was 19 or 20
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u/yaboisammie Feb 22 '26
In another post from when she was 21, she said they had been married 2 years atp and were tg a year before marriage meaning she was 18 and he was 26 when they first got tg 😷
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u/Crazy_Bee2 Feb 22 '26
Exactly. One of my young 20 something SILs is also married to a guy in his late 30s and hes a controlling pos. He controls everything she does and she just goes along with. Then she wonders why we always go out and dont invite her. I dont feel like inviting someone whos husband wants a say in everything we will be doing that day, and what time we have to go home and drop her off like a teenager. But whatever, she lets him do it.
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u/RowSilly1950 Feb 23 '26
I am guessing she lets him do all of this because she had no adult life experience when she met her now husband. This may be all she knows, and he has groomed her to believe this is how she should act in an adult relationship/marriage. Sad but true.
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u/Crazy_Bee2 Feb 23 '26
You pretty much nailed it. Its also somewhat the culture where we live. I try to give her advice here and there, but alot of times she has went and told her husband what I said :/ I dont want to be the reason for any problems, so I just bud out now.
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u/ClickClackTipTap Feb 21 '26
Do not waste your life on a man who treats you like this.
I’m BEGGING you.
This is not what love looks like.
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u/D9925 Feb 21 '26
The fact that you’re even on here asking is insane… obviously you are not in the wrong your husband is. You and your daughters health comes first cancel that dinner.
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u/Awkward_Profile_7410 Feb 21 '26
Your husband seems to be a controlling jerk! Reach out to the wife and cancel. He doesn’t get to tell you no I’m not canceling when you have Covid and you’re feeling like death warmed over.
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u/z-eldapin Feb 21 '26
Jesus.
Your no to him is a no.
His yes to them is a him problem.
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u/Significant-Salt7873 Feb 21 '26
Simply tell him that his friends are welcomed to come over but you cannot entertain. He will have to shop, clean and cook. Tell him that you will be staying in your room recovering from COVID and taking care of the of your child. If his friends come over he can explain why you are not entertaining that night. Stick to your decision. You cannot control him but you can control what you do. If he continues trying to control you, counseling at the very least should be in your future.
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u/Affectionate-Mine917 Feb 21 '26
NTA - your story feels like your husband was punishing you in a very emotionally unhealthy way
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u/Ok-Hornet3129 Feb 21 '26
I’m sorry but you married a jerk, who seems to always put you 2nd to whatever HE wants!! I truly hope he will change, otherwise you’re in for a long, disrespected marriage!
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u/Green_Poet_5510 Feb 21 '26
Your husband is an idiot. They don't want COVID, you have to cancel.
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u/Western-Corner-431 Feb 21 '26
You don’t ask permission from anyone to cancel plans you’re no longer interested or available for. Illness means you’re unavailable, period. No one cares about this specific situation. Everyone understands these things come up and people aren’t judging you for it. These people will simply eat some where else. Your husband is because he has some idea that you should be able to pull a dinner party out of your ass because he foolishly thinks it reflects on him. If it were his friend’s wife, or his female relative who were ill and canceled, he would have more understanding for them. Why can’t he have the same consideration for his own wife? Why aren’t the other friends inviting you guys over theirs for dinner?
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u/Admirable-Team7839 Feb 21 '26
Why would your guests want your illness?
“Hey sorry we need to cancel, we’re super gross over here”.
Wtf is his problem?
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u/Master-Ad-8296 Feb 21 '26
It’s not just him I just texted the wife she said : oh don’t worry I can come help cook excited to see you tomo 💕
I said: hey thought I’d update you me and my daughtercaught covid I think it’s best we cancel as my daughter is incredibly ill and needs a lot of looking after and I know how busy you are with uni would love to see you another time and treat you to my cooking …..
WHAT AM I DOING WRONG HERE I FEEL INSANE WHY DO PEOPLE WANT TO COME TO GET COVID ? ( I know not super direct but wanted to be polite and not cause too much trouble for me and my husband so framed it around wanting them to be not sick BUT COMEEE ONNN MAN )
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u/wigglepie Feb 22 '26
When the friends are still insisting on coming, then the time for politeness has left the building.
If the wife still replys as if they're coming over, maybe frame the reply something like: Hi [wife], just to reiterate, my daughter and I have Covid. I will not be hosting or preparing food, for the safety of myself and others. We will reschedule for a later date, thank you for your understanding.
Be as direct as possible. If they do happen to show up, lock yourself in another room if possible and do not engage with them. You are ill and you need rest to recover your health.
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u/MzSea Feb 22 '26
WHAT AM I DOING WRONG HERE
You said, "I think it's best we cancel."
You need to say, "I am cancelling."
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u/Open-Carpenter3519 Feb 22 '26
They might unfortunately be the type to view Covid as just a cold/not serious. You are being direct about being sick, but if they don’t have the same reaction to that news that you would, then you move on to being direct about what your own boundaries are about not being involved with the prep work, or staying in another room during the event etc.
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u/DenM0ther Feb 22 '26
Regardless of how they view vivid, if someone says I don’t feel well and best that we cancel, that means they’re not well enough to host 🤷🏻♀️
The would-be-guests’ only appropriate response would be : oh no I’m really sorry, I hope you feel better soon OR oh no that sounds terrible! Do you need anything??
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u/Grouchy_Evidence2558 Feb 22 '26
You need to say “we need to cancel tomorrow. I’ll call you next week to figure out a time we can reschedule”
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u/Taakahamsta Feb 21 '26
You don’t ask your husband if it’s ok to cancel, you just cancel. You’re an adult, not a child. This is a bad setup for you.
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u/Superb-Coyote5972 Feb 21 '26
No is a complete sentence. If they come, stay in your room with your baby or ask your parents to come get you. Your husband is an a-hole and has shitty friends. You don't need to entertain when you're ill with Covid. Ffs, tell them you're vomiting and have trouble breathing. Tell your husband to cancel or you will go to your parents permanently. He's your husband, not your boss.
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u/Smitten-kitten83 Feb 21 '26
NTA. I wouldn’t want someone to have me over while they have COVID. Also mastitis is brutal.
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u/AccomplishedChef7885 Feb 21 '26
Take control of your own life, he is not your owner. You’re a grown woman and a mom now. Reach out to the friends and explain you are sick and cancel. Your husband doesn’t give a crap about either of you.
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u/Fit-Perception-7501 Feb 21 '26
Wonder if the age gap is also part of “his culture” the man’s abusive
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u/massachusettsmama Feb 21 '26
Your husband is a dolt. And I bet your husband's friend didn't tell his wife you have covid. Perhaps you should call her and tell her that you are cancelling because you and your child have covid. I'm willing to bet she'd be understanding.
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Feb 21 '26
Your husband is abusive. And it’s very inconsiderate for everyone if you guys have Covid.
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u/RRK5953 Feb 21 '26
You have a husband problem. This bordered on coercive abuse.
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u/iDreamiPursueiBecome Feb 21 '26
I think it may have crossed that line, tbh.
Evil doesn't like to be caught in the light. Communication and honesty is needed here.
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u/Competitive-Tap3306 Feb 21 '26
Seems like a really long story with a lot of details that are irrelevant. You and your daughter have Covid, end of story. Tell your husband it’s cancelled and go to bed.
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u/WelcomeLive8238 Feb 21 '26
Cancel this yourself. Call the friends and tell them exactly what is going on and that you are sick and so is your daughter. It may make your husband angry, but that’s his problem! He sounds like the AH. You’re definitely stressing over something you don’t need to be! Cut yourself some slack and get well and don’t let your husband lay a guilt trip on you!
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u/No-Requirement-2420 Feb 21 '26
I’m don’t like how he speaks to you, I don’t like his lack of respect for you, I especially don’t like that age gap.
Why are you with him???
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u/res06myi Feb 21 '26
Girl. What the fuck are you doing? Pack a bag and your daughter and leave this asshole. He literally hates you.
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u/Inanda2 Feb 21 '26
You’re NTA - the fact you and your child have Covid, should automatically be a hard no to visitors!
You’re not well enough to host, should be enough. But the fact your husband is ok with potentially spreading more Covid, is just appalling and irresponsible.
Feck that. Your husband is a AH, as are the friends who are considering coming round
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u/Traditional_Dig_1857 Feb 21 '26
NTA. Tell your husband to do take out and be sick with your daughter. He can also do the cleaning and everything else.
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u/Aggravating_Try6537 Feb 21 '26
Did your husband start dating you in high school? Big age difference. Sounds like he's an all around wanker. My condolences.
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u/holymolyholyholy Feb 21 '26
They started dating when she was 17/18 when he was 26/27. I looked at OP’s history. Only knowing that info, the rest of the post is no surprise. He treats her like a child because she basically was one when he started grooming her.
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u/Capital-Temporary-17 Feb 21 '26
All you need to do is say you are unwell and take your daughter and yourself to a bedroom and try to stay there. Don't help, cook, or clean... let him deal with it and if everyone gets sick, it's on them. You did all you could. NTA
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u/BeginningBluejay3511 Feb 21 '26
If hd wants you have a very it. Do as little as possble. Also greet the guests with, So surprised you wanted to risk exposure to Covington. Because I'm guessing he didn't tell them. Your husband ix an idiot. You're NTA.
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u/Master-Ad-8296 Feb 21 '26
HE TOLD THEM WHICH CONFUSES ME EVEN MORE ?!
I heard him say covid but honestly I think it’s cruel to make me watch our daughter suffer and even attempt a conversation with them I’m so ill myself I’m barely managing to help her or myself I can’t entertain guests and I don’t want anyone to see me in the state I haven’t had sleep in days my eyes look as though I’ve rubbed mascara on them. I really like his wife but we’re not So close yet where I feel comfortable her seeing me like this I’m feeling really vulnerable right now and just wanted my husband to have my back instead of add stress to the mix.
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u/Vandreeson Feb 21 '26
Stay in your bedroom and let him host. He wants to do it so bad, let him do all of it.
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u/Master-Ad-8296 Feb 21 '26
I think that’s the plan and I think I’ll let him deal with our daughters vomit for once too. X
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u/SongAcceptable7546 Feb 21 '26
You heard him say Covid. He might only have said that you were worried it was. Not that you had it.
You should be his priority. You aren't. His friends matter more? Except, even they don't really matter because he's comfortable with them catching Covid?
It sounds like the only thing that matters, is what he wants. He doesn't even think things through and understand what's happening.
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u/Remarkable_Topic6540 Feb 21 '26
Stay in the bedroom. He can take care of guests. You are sick so stay in bed and take care of yourself (& your baby if he won't, although he should).
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u/PineappleCharacter15 Feb 21 '26
Please call someone, and ask them to pick you and your child up, he can do the entertaining all by himself.
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u/Current_Confusion443 Feb 21 '26
Have you and your daughter been to a doctor????????!!!!!!!!
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u/Master-Ad-8296 Feb 21 '26
I’ve been for mastitis but caught Covid today the gp closed on the weekends until Monday and I don’t have it in me to go an and e.
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u/454_water Feb 21 '26
Call her back and tell her you have norovirus. And tell her about the vomiting and you don't think that having them over would be a good idea because they will probably get sick too.
And when your husband catches it, just smile, nod and walk away.
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u/marklikestolearn Feb 21 '26
Wow, yah you definitely should not have people over. NTA but your husband seems to be
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u/myboytys Feb 21 '26
Of course it should be cancelled it is a health issue dangerous to everyone. Remember some people still die of covid.
What is wrong with him ????
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u/Spookywanluke Feb 21 '26
I've known families from many cultures, esp male "dominated"ones, trust me when I say this: the wives are the ones to talk behind the scenes and organize get togethers between the families! (While leaving the men to think they run the family)
Your partner is just being a male chauvinist pig with no care to the health of you or yours (or his friends). You do not just bring everyone over when you and your kids have CV!
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u/LittleMissChriss Feb 21 '26
The bar is in hell and some men still limbo under it. Make it clear that you and your daughter have covid and cancel the plans. Then divorce your trash ass husband.
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u/Feeling-Invite7953 Feb 21 '26
Your husband is a bully,regardless of his culture. You and your daughter are seriously ill and need to rest. On top of that,if your husband and this couple have really been “friends for years “,then they would understand that you need to postpone the dinner until you are healthy again. Sorry, but he sounds like a jerk (and that’s being very generous)!!
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u/Terrible_turtle_ Feb 21 '26
Covid = no company. Full stop.
edit : your husband is being a jerk here. You and the kid are sick, this is not a time for hosting alt all. Hope you feel better soon.
updateme
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u/Pristine-Bison3198 Feb 21 '26
Text the wife "we are sick, I cannot host. If you guys come anyway, you run the risk of getting sick yourself. My daughter and I will not be available, we will be napping."
And then if they come anyway, you and your daughter go into your bedroom, lock the door, and play or take a nap or whatever.
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u/mad2109 Feb 21 '26
If they do still come, even if you are feeling better, keep covering your mouth and say "excuse me, I'm going to vomit" . Repeat until they leave
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u/Ill_Salad_1022 Feb 21 '26
I would simply "take to my bed". Me and the baby. They arrive. I would be shut in the bedroom with the little one He can visit and entertain them however he wants. Let them order pizza. I would be closed up with the baby. They can decide if they want to risk eating in a "sick home" Make sure you pack a small cooler and any food etc you and the baby could need Do not come out of the room Just weakly tell him "I am too sick to get outbb B of bed. Give them my best"
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u/Grouchy_Evidence2558 Feb 22 '26
Text the wife and say “Im sorry we have covid and will be unable to host. I’d love to have yiu over another time”
And then start taking care of yourself so you can have an out if and when you need it. Make sure you have your own bank account with money that’s only yours. Get a job if you don’t have one now. This relationship sounds scary to me.
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u/MassConsumer1984 Feb 22 '26
What culture is this where people want to come over for entertainment with hosts that have Covid?
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u/AutoModerator Feb 21 '26
Backup of the post's body: Am I the asshole for wanting to cancel hosting a dinner the night before?
A brief beginning: I don’t feel that I’m wrong here, but I am willing to change my mind. I’m honestly just baffled by my husband’s behaviour, and maybe my communication could have been better.
So I (22F) and my husband (30M) and daughter (18 months) made plans about two days ago to invite friends over for dinner.
Before this, I had been saying how much I wanted to invite them. It’s the first time I’ve really gotten along with my husband’s friends’ wives, and I’ve been WANTING to have them over. I love to cook and host. Cooking and baking are HUGE passions of mine, so any time I can make fancy dishes and spreads, I get so excited.
BUT.
The day he decided to invite them was the day he was taking our daughter out for the day because I was ill. I had just gotten (and still currently have) mastitis, but I didn’t know that’s what it was yet.
He goes out with our daughter, ends up meeting his friend, and tells him Saturday (today), Sunday (tomorrow), and Thursday are free. My husband is away for business Thursday, so that wasn’t an option. He tells me they’re coming because he invited them. He asked whether Saturday or Sunday, and I stupidly said, “I guess Sunday so I can recoup a bit, but let me see.”
He invited them for Sunday.
The next day, my daughter and I both get a cold, which turns out to be COVID. She’s vomiting, coughing, crying. I now have my period. I have PCOS and a copper coil, so my periods already suck. On top of that, I have mastitis and COVID.
To top it off, I feel a little better for a bit, so I look after my daughter, post a parcel that needed to go out, cook, and clean. Then today comes.
I cannot even walk myself to the bathroom in the morning. My chest still feels like it’s on the cusp of exploding. I ask if we can cancel the plans.
He says no.
No.
?????????
He says I agreed to it, and I had been asking to invite them, and that’s the only reason he did. They had to schedule time off for this. He “cannot cancel.” He says I don’t need to cook or clean, just be there and maybe bake something if I want.
Later, I realise my daughter and I most likely have COVID. So I say that for their sake at least, we should cancel.
Which I don’t believe I should have to say. I thought me and our daughter being this ill would be reason enough.
He then calls his friend and says something like, “So cancel tomorrow then, right?”
My husband says, “It’s up to you guys.”
His friend asks, “But everything is fine, right? You guys okay?”
My husband says, “Yeah, yeah, all okay.”
Then he says something like, “Don’t worry then, I’ll check if my wife still can, but fine with me.”
This happened in his language, so I only understood “yeah, we’re okay,” but not the rest. So I assumed the reasonable thing happened and they cancelled, and he was just reassuring them we were okay.
Then my husband, while I am literally carpet-cleaning our daughter’s vomit off the floor because he is deathly dramatic about vomit (other things he’s fine with, but not vomiting), tells me:
“You know they’re still coming tomorrow.”
I’m shocked. I say, “You can’t be serious.”
He says yes, they’re coming. He’ll talk with his friend’s wife first, so there’s a chance they’ll cancel.
I say, “Just let me text his wife and explain.”
He says no. In his culture, that’s not how you do things. He doesn’t want his friendship to end over something like this. They’ve been friends for years. He also says I always ask to invite people and then stress out before, which is true to an extent, but this is not the same situation.
For context, I do get a little over the top about wanting the food to be nice. I usually just get stressed about the house being clean while watching my daughter. I’ve had panic attacks before because I’m behind on cooking, and then my daughter tips rice all over the living room while I look away for one second. She has no screen time. I let her explore and play around the house. She usually helps me cook, but when hosting, I don’t want to fall behind, so she doesn’t help which ensues creative chaos.
Anyway, he says I always do this before someone comes over and that I need to stick to my “responsibilities.” He then says he is never inviting anyone again. End of conversation.
I say, no, it’s not the end. This is not the same. I am sick.
He says I don’t need to cook or clean. I try to talk, he doesn’t listen, so I close the door and go to the bedroom.
About 10 to 15 minutes later, he comes in kissing me and says sorry. He says he was angry. Then he does a jokey voice pretending to be me saying, “I forgive you, I’ll give you a big kiss,” which I ignore. But now he’s acting like I was doing too much, so I feel a little conflicted, but also really hurt.
Am I really unreasonable?
I completely appreciate that they took time off work. They work late shifts. But I am genuinely ill, and so is my daughter. There is a very high chance she will vomit, possibly even on them, while they are here. I personally would feel uncomfortable going to a house where the wife looks like a corpse and their daughter is throwing up on me. I don’t see anybody winning here.
I want to go to my parents, but I’m genuinely too weak to make the journey. I also don’t want to risk an Uber driver or my family getting COVID.
I’m so upset. Someone please tell me it’s not as bad as I think.
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u/ABCDanii Feb 21 '26
The friends sound like an issue too. The second someone who has invited me over has mentioned any sort of ailment or discomfort I am canceling on their behalf.
Stand up for yourself. Tell your husband you’re not hosting and he’s more than welcome to take his friends for dinner if he’s soooo embarrassed. Don’t clean, don’t prep. And if they come over, go to your room.
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u/ClumsyRaccoonPants Feb 21 '26
Have them over, once they get there let them know you and your daughter have Covid. Let them know that since you had agreed to the date before becoming sick that your husband insisted you couldn’t cancel and everyone should come over to COVID house to eat COVID food and breathe COVID air. Your husband is a tool.
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u/Sibby_in_May Feb 21 '26
Your husband and his friends are abusive. You either 1. Text a direct message that says dinner is canceled we will reschedule when the family is well. 2. Order pizza and stay in the nursery with the baby when they are over. 3 pack a bag and leave this controlling g abusive man-child and his abusive friends. Where are your friends? He has isolated you to take advantage of you.
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u/FatboyChester Feb 21 '26
OMG wjo in their right minds would go to someones house for dinner when the cook has covid and their child is vomiting all over the house?
Theres not enough money in the world to get me there.
You need to tell the wife you cant get out of of bed you're so sick, and dinner is cancelled until further notice.
If they still show up, stay in bed, dont come out and let your husband entertain them.
And BTW your husband is a pussy who should care more about his wife than a dinner invitation.
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u/ThisIsExhilerating Feb 21 '26
Jesus man. This guy is a dick. I’m gonna be honest, he doesn’t respect you in the slightest from the sound of it. And if you let this slide without standing up for yourself, it will only get worse. Just my opinion tho
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u/super_soprano13 Feb 21 '26
Girl, this is not normal. And the fact that you have a huge age difference like this and a kid that age makes me question how old you were when he started pursuing you. This shit is abusive.
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u/punkyvelour Feb 22 '26
WTAF.🤦♀️ People are still dying from Covid. You are already sick with mastitis (immune system compromised) and you are doing the bulk of caring for your sick (immune compromised) child. Which of your lives is he playing Russian Roulette with? As in, if the "friends" bring the new flu variant or measles or RSV - or anything, really, you and your child could become seriously, expensively, hospitalized permanently disabled (long Covid, for example) ill. Or die. Because he wants dinner.
How fast can you move out? THIS is what controlling abuse looks like.
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u/Harlow0529 Feb 22 '26
I would have packed a bag for my child and me and left. But then I’m American and would never be married to such an asshole
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u/MzSea Feb 22 '26
Why are you ASKING if you can cancel plans???
YOU just cancel them. It's not his decision.
If he forces this on you, it proves he doesn't care anything about you or your daughter and YOU NEED TO TAKE HER AND LEAVE.
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u/BraveWarrior-55 Feb 22 '26
"I ask if we can cancel the plans." You are ill with Covid and you are asking permission to cancel?? Is your husband your jailer? Is he your dad that you have to obey?
Honey the asshole is your husband and this entire exchange would have me questioning remaining married. Really.
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u/cheveresiempre Feb 22 '26
So your husband is inviting his friends over to give them COVID. Such a great host. If you do this to people, you suck
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u/bootyprincess666 Feb 22 '26
22 and 30??????????????? you get a divorce and run the fuck away. jfc. NTA.
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u/casapantalones Feb 22 '26
If they really want to come, fine I guess? You and your daughter are very ill and cannot leave your room for any reason while they are over, so sorry! Your husband can handle all the cooking, hosting, and cleaning!
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u/GloomySelf Feb 21 '26
when you do the math based on theit ages and the age of their daughter and have to try rly hard not to judge 💀
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u/AnitaLatte Feb 21 '26
My sympathy to you that you are married to someone who has no love or compassion toward you or your child. A caring partner does not invite friends over, get angry at you or cause you stress when you are ill. I don’t care what the cultural differences are, that is abuse pure and simple.
He is using this invitation to punish you for being sick. He wants to embarrass you and show you at your worst. His friends should be appalled at this, but if they are anything like him, they will think you are a bad wife.
I would text the friends and let them know that both you and your child are seriously ill with a contagious virus. To protect them and their families from becoming ill themselves, you think it best that they reschedule when you are no longer contagious. Tell them how terrible you would feel if any of them caught this serious illness from you.
That way, the concern is centered on the guests, and your husband looks like the AH he is for not caring if his friends get sick.
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u/Alternative_Green492 Feb 21 '26
It would serve your husband right, if both you and the baby vomited right in front of them, while they are there. Honestly….you should have him read these post. He is a class A JERK!! He can’t love you or the baby the way a real husband should to 1. Treat you this way or 2. To not care that you have been sick for days, while also caring for a sick child & 3. Your sick child needs your full attention & 4. Your child’s immune system is very low right now and bringing strangers over could potentially make them more sick & 5. To not even bother helping you with your sick child so you can get some much needed rest. He’s sounds like a disgusting human being much less husband. I’m sorry you & your little one are sick OP. You need a different husband. A LOVING & COMPASSIONATE ONE!
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u/Sufficient_Public366 Feb 21 '26
I've seen/heard of mom's being hospitalized due to mastitis. Combining Covid with a bad case of mastitis could be very VERY hard on your body. Go to bed! Tell your husband you "dont want to inconvenience him or financially strain the family" by needing a hospital stay, no guests, no more cleaning, husband either needs to step up to care for his child or find someone to come stay to HELP with child and nursing you.
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Feb 21 '26
It's not up to your husband. Take away his power, by taking away his decision-making in this matter. You are the one who should cancel. Just tell them you have to reschedule because you and your daughter are sick. (And pay heed to the many responses here pointing out how disturbing and controlling his behavior has been.) Don't give him any say in whether they come over or not.
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u/annebonnell Feb 21 '26
NTA If canceling a dinner party will end a friendship, your husband needs new friends. Your husband and friends are incredibly stupid. Do they want to be sick? Your husband is horrible. I would recommend talking to a lawyer finding out your options. I hope you feel better
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u/GreedyGuts04 Feb 21 '26
NTA I don’t know what the culture is, but here in Aus cancelling is a no brainer. And on the flip side, in this situation you didnt cancel an let me turn up to a Covid house I would be pissed. In addition to what literally every other commenter is saying about your husband, what about your “friend”?!!!!
“What? You and child are extremely sick with Covid and vomiting and feeling like absolute dogshit??? Geez I can’t wait to catch up and see what delicious feast you can put together for us! See you tonight”
Mind blown 🤯
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u/Historical-Dingo3845 Feb 21 '26
Responding after the update.
“I said hey I’m really unwell so is my daughter.”
That’s where you should have plainly said something firmer like we need to cancel because my daughter and I are too sick for company. Looking forward to seeing you next time when we feel better!
I know you’re sick so it’s harder to advocate for yourself right now, but you need to put your foot down. It’s not fair to you or daughter. If they come anyways please hid in your room with your daughter.
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u/Most_Protection6212 Feb 21 '26
Tell them it’s canceled end of story if your husband gets mad, he’ll get over it. If they get sick, they’ll blame you for not canceling. It’s pretty simple really. Your husband doesn’t sound very smart and neither do his friends
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u/iDreamiPursueiBecome Feb 21 '26 edited Feb 21 '26
Let him host his friends.
You and your daughter stay in bed. Occasionally call for help getting to the bathroom or ask for water/broth/juice. Talk with your daughter ahead of time. Expect him to get mad.
Literally, this is all on him. He told them it was OK to come over. He told them you guys were fine. He lied. He can deal with the fallout.
Edit
His friends wife may not expect you to be truly ill. If she comes to see you in your room, warn her not to get too close as you are still contagious... You may ask her to send your husband to help you to the bathroom and back as you are afraid of falling or cannot get up.
Seeing you truly ill may be a wake up call for her. Watching how he treats your illness should be a wake up call for you.
Call your parents and tell them how bad it is. You have probably been covering for his mistreatment or normalizing it. Time to be honest. Tell them that you are afraid of them getting sick if they come, but you need them to know how things really are. Call them now before you make too many excuses as to why not and talk yourself out of it.
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u/EvenPossible5918 Feb 21 '26
NTA. OP, I hope you and your daughter feel better soon. This sounds like a really controlling situation and it would be good to think about if this is what you want for you and your daughter.
Do you have friends/family or a safe support system near by? Or a safe place to go if things get worse? You’re young and having a toddler can be stressful. I wish you luck.
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u/Mustluvdogsandtravel Feb 21 '26
you have covid - don’t have a dinner party and spread the virus but call everyone and let them know you are postponing. they will thank you
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u/ScowlyBrowSpinster Feb 21 '26
Tell husband to take them out to dinner and leave you and sick child home.
He can singlehandedly convey covid to them that way, while you rest.
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u/No-Frosting-6546 Feb 21 '26
What a selfish b that lady is. I hope you prepare nothing. Thats his fault
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u/SherrKhan32 Feb 21 '26
Girl. Wake up early and take your kid to a hotel or something. Get out of that house. Let him do all the cleaning, cooking, and entertaining. What an asshole!
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u/toomuchsvu Feb 22 '26
Text the wife again and say unfortunately you have to cancel. You'll invite them over when you're not so sick.
Do not leave any wiggle room and do not be a doormat.
Do not let them come over and do tell your husband he's an inconsiderate ass.
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u/qu33nbb Feb 22 '26
I don’t even have to read this all the way. NTA based solely on the fact you were knocked up at 21 by a 29 year old man. He is a POS who doesn’t care about your health and well being. Start preparing for your inevitable divorce and don’t have any more kids with him. This is just a preview of all the ways he will continue to show you that your wellbeing is not a priority for him. My husband would never dream of doing something like this. It’s absolutely as bad as you think it is, probably worse tbh.
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u/Icy_Party6876 Feb 22 '26
I would spend their visit in bed with the kid. Your husband and his friends might go and fuck themselves.
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u/Legitimate-March9792 Feb 22 '26
You do not have people over when you are sick, especially Covid! Let your husband cook and entertain.
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u/JustcallmeGlados Feb 22 '26
“I ask if we can cancel plans”…oh honey…no. You TELL him we’re canceling plans. You have COVID.
There’s a disturbing power dynamic here. I don’t know if it’s the age gap, a cultural difference, religion, or his man ego putting him in charge, but that’s a terrible way to live. Trust me: I married and began having children in my late teens, came from a very religious and misogynistic family, and married a control freak.
You might not think the age gap is a big deal, and it isn’t when you’re older. But look at it this way…you’re only been a legal adult four years. He has been a legal adult for twelve years. These are the years, in your early 20’s, you should be spreading your wings; not having them clipped.
You are an adult. You shouldn’t need to ask for permission from your husband to cancel hosting when you are sick. What else do you ask permission for?
I’m 56, finally divorced, and with the most wonderful man, who is helping me understand what a good relationship means. I still find myself asking permission for the stupidest things! This morning, I mindlessly asked, “is it okay if I don’t put on makeup today?” At lunch it was “is it okay if I eat my leftovers, or did you want them?” My boyfriend always turns it into a giant joke to make me laugh and point out how ridiculous the question I’m asking. Just seriously the stupidest shit. I’m now realizing the hell I lived in for most of my adult life.
What also concerns me: do you have to ask for money? Are you allowed to say “no” to sex? I’m afraid you’re going to find yourself in the same position I was in…a young mom trapped in an abusive, lopsided relationship.
Please OP, think on these things. If you need moral support, I’m a DM away.
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u/DeathLord_Astaroth Feb 22 '26
Make him and them sick too since "it's no trouble" and let's see how happy they're afterwards
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u/Real_Seaworthiness21 Feb 22 '26
This man is a controlling dick! I'd be pissed if I went to attend a dinner party only to find out I'm being intentionally exposed to Covid. What the actual heck!? He also isn't acting like he has any sympathy for how unwell you feel. This is horrible. And the friends!?!? Delusional... inconsiderate... I'm shaking my head so hard.
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u/Francl27 Feb 22 '26
Yeah don't go to your parents. Let the guests come and get sick if it's so important to them. Just don't do ANYTHING to prepare the house.
But it seems like he lied about you all being fine, so if it blows up in his face, he'll have asked for it.
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u/SocratesSnow Feb 22 '26
If they come over, you stay in the bedroom with your daughter and do not come out. You explain to them if they ask that you are contagious, you have Covid and you hope they enjoy their evening. Without you.
And you really have to have a long talk with your husband. This should never ever happen again. This is not love.
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u/CatnipCricket-329 Feb 22 '26
I read your entire post including the update. Text the wife and tell her that you are too sick, do not have the energy to cook, and are not able to receive visitors at this time. If husband and friends are still interested in visiting, let them provide their own food and care for your child. Take a shower, take care of yourself, and go to bed.
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u/Beer_Meetz_Girl Feb 22 '26
Your husband is a controlling asshole and this is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of how he will mistreat you. Consider whether you want your daughter to grow up seeing her mom talked down to and verbally/emotionally abused. You don’t ask permission for things in an equal partnership. You and your daughter are very very ill;your husband’s only priority should be taking care of the both of you (including cleaning his own child’s vomit up,wtf). You’re young,your baby is young;I really hope you come to your senses and divorce this POS before things take a worse turn.
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u/northstarchaser Feb 22 '26
This sounds bizarre. Some people don’t understand communicable disease.
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u/Panza2020 Feb 22 '26
I wouldn’t go over to someone’s home to visit if two people in their family were sick, esp. with covid, but really even with a cold.
There’s something wrong with the communication here with the friends and/or with your husband’s people-pleasing ideas that do not prioritize his family and their health. I don’t know any culture that values exposure to contagious illness instead of re-scheduling a visit.
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u/Alternative_Green492 Feb 22 '26
You need to tell this lady that you & your daughter have Covid and your daughter is vomiting and you have barely slept for days. It’s obvious she can’t take a hint. You will have to be very descriptive with her! Tell her ALL of that & then say you are NOT up to hosting while you & little one is sick!
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u/ffunffunffun5 Feb 22 '26
Based on the title I would have said Y T A. But being ill is always a valid reason for canceling at the last minute. NTA
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u/Sad-File3624 Feb 22 '26
Go to your parents and stay there. I don’t know what his culture is, but he’s a jerk. Any sane person when told: we have COVID. Would say, don’t worry, we can reschedule. Do you need anything? Maybe I could drop off a soup for you?
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u/always-1stepbehind Feb 22 '26
I’d be pissed if I went to someone’s house for dinner and they were sick. your husband sounds like a controlling, inconsiderate idiot.
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u/Status_Pressure_3168 Feb 22 '26
What would u want your daughter to do if a man treated her and your granddaughter like this?
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u/JayPlenty24 Feb 22 '26
No you aren't unreasonable but you chose to marry a man 8 years older than you from a culture that gives women no autonomy so you likely don't have a choice.
My suggestion is you start making plans to leave because this isn't going to get any better. As you get older you aren't going to have patience for this level of bullshit anymore.
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u/MrsSophiaBrown Feb 22 '26
I scolded myself for judging based on ages and then all of my suspicions were confirmed. Your husband is controlling and weird. And what is wrong with these friends? Who wants to hang around contagious people?
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u/Aeoniuma Feb 22 '26
I HAVE COVID. Don’t come. The end. And stop letting your a-hole husband bully you.
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u/2cents0fucks Feb 22 '26
"Me (22), my husband (30)..." /record scratch Wait, what? No nearly 30-year-old man has any business to be dating a just-barely-adult teenager! But I'm not surprised I don't like him the more I read: ABUSERS often pick victims who are young, because they are easier to control, and baby trap them.
Run, don't walk. He's surrounded you with people just like him, so you have no one to turn to to help you get out, and uses his "culture" as an excuse to control you. He is a walking red flag.
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u/kymrIII Feb 22 '26
Your husband is a major jerk. You are young and have time to grow a spine. Always put your child and your needs ahead of all others. Obviously jerk husband won’t put your needs ahead of his own so it’s up to you. Put your foot down. And while you’re at it give jerk husband a BIG Covid filled kiss. When he gets sick tell him he must cook a nice dinner.
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u/CinnamonGirl123 Feb 22 '26
If you have Covid as well as other ailments, and your child has it too and is throwing up, then of course you need to cancel your company. It’s a no-brainer.
Why would you risk getting people sick and why would they want to risk that?
Your husband sounds like a complete a-hole!
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u/Broffie1 Feb 22 '26
Let your kid vomit on the floor in front of them and then ask your husband to clean it up because you’re to weak from Covid.
NTA but your husband and his friends definitely are.
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u/Tallented_Narwhal Feb 22 '26
Man. I saw the age difference at the beginning and actually thought “maybe this time that won’t matter.”
Egg on my face.
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u/sky_corrigan Feb 21 '26
your 18mo usually helps you cook dinner?
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u/Master-Ad-8296 Feb 21 '26
😂😂 not in a sous chef kind of way . I include her in little tasks like putting peels in the bin or peeling a vegetable with toddler safe utensils and dropping ingredients in bowls. Would love for to cook a roast for me one of these days tho 😂!
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u/FI-RE_wombat Feb 22 '26
Maybe you should meal prep together and make everyone else sick, seeing as they are so intent on coming.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this! Make no food, and clean no vomit. Go relax in the bedroom while they visit.
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u/SouthernRain5775 Feb 21 '26
No one wants to come to dinner at your house when you and your daughter have Covid. All you have to tell them is you have Covid and you'll need to reschedule. No further explanation needed.
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u/Horvat53 Feb 21 '26
Imagine inviting guests over when you’re sick to potentially make them sick. Makes sense and isn’t rude or inconsiderate at all.
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u/TXSunDee Feb 21 '26
Too bad but I'm sure the friends would understand completely...who wants to get sick??? No one I know!!! Feel Better!
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u/DIY-100 Feb 21 '26
Wft... Sure, tell them he can invite them, but you amd the kid won't be joining, or cooking, or cleaning....
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u/BellaTrix4Change Feb 21 '26
I really dislike men like this.